Chapter Text
Harry carefully opened the door to the bathroom in the St Mungo’s room once Ginny had told him it was okay. He hovered there, careful not to come in closer and spook her. Every day it was similar, every day she looked at him with that confusion. Of remembering him, recognising him but not remembering how deeply they were involved with each other.
“Have I been possessed?” she asked carefully, and he knew she only dared to ask him that.
She didn’t ask him as her husband or partner… as a friend who had been through similar. He shook his head immediately. He had learned the truth was best, she would always snuff out if he was lying or omitting things. Honesty hurt sometimes, but even now she could see right through him.
“You were hit by a memory curse, you don’t remember quite a few things." He stepped into the bathroom carefully and watched her.
She seemed a little shy under his gaze but looked at herself in the mirror. “I look like myself but something about me feels different and I don’t know…” Her arms wrapped around herself.
“You had a baby. Eight months ago.”
She looked at him abruptly, baffled. Yet she didn’t dispute it, because she knew, on some level, he was speaking the truth.
“I have a baby?”
He nodded. “Yeah. He misses you. But he has been here.”
Ginny took a deep breath and her hands came to rest on the side of the sink to support her weight. “What’s his name?” she asked, staring down at her hands.
“James.”
She looked at him again, her expression full of disbelief, confusion… wonder. “What’s his middle name?”
“Sirius. James Sirius.” He wanted to comfort her but reaching out at this moment would startle her, he had learned.
Her grip tensed. Her eyes were persistent. “What’s his last name?”
Harry tried not to smile. “I think you know.”
She gripped the sink so tight that her knuckles turned white. “I need you to tell me.”
“Your son’s name is James Sirius Potter.” He watched for her reaction. Her opinions on the matter varied from day to day.
Her grip softened, her eyes locked with him. “Our son,” she said softly, somewhere between a question and a statement.
“Our son,” he confirmed with a nod.
She turned around, her back to the mirror and leaned against the sink, turning away from him. “Please tell me we are together and we didn’t…” She trailed off, blushing.
Harry stepped to the other side of the bathroom and leaned against the wall so he was in her view, and he could look at her. “We are married. James was planned.”
“Married.” She kept looking at him. “That’s insane.”
“I know. Took me a lot of convincing before you agreed to marry me.” He smirked, he knew she’d find that funny even if she didn’t remember any of it.
A small smile appeared. She blushed a deeper red as her gaze averted. “I don’t doubt it.” She shook her head again.
“Your wedding ring is up on the cabinet where you can’t reach it.” He pointed at it. “Having it on startles you but if you find out and don’t have it, you’re upset.” He walked slowly to the cabinet and took the ring off the top of it.
“You have done this, several times. I forget, don’t I?” she asked.
His fingers closed around the ring, and he nodded. He couldn’t pretend it wasn’t difficult. “Every day.” He knew her next questions and continued. “It has been three weeks. The Healers said you’ll recover and remember everything. We just need to be patient.” He stepped to her and took her hand. He placed the ring in it. “On days I can’t make it and someone else comes, because someone always does, we don’t tell you everything.” He smiled. “But you tend to figure it out anyway.”
“Do I?”
“Usually I end up coming by in the evening, then. Something about being your husband and not showing up pisses you off every time. Even if you couldn’t remember hours before that you were married at all.”
Ginny held the ring between her fingers and inspected it. She reached out to his hand and compared his ring to hers. Too quickly she let go of his hand again. She read the initials. “HP and GP.”
“I didn’t ask you to take my name but… you insisted. I couldn’t argue against it.”
She nodded. “I suppose… I owe it to my younger self to take your name,” she said.
He chuckled weakly. “I think she’d expect it.” He stepped towards the door. “Let’s get out of this bathroom.” He walked out.
She followed but she was still looking at the ring as she walked. He held his hand out for it and she gave it to him.
He took her hand up carefully, positioning the ring at the end of her ring finger. “May I?”
She nodded quietly. She watched him slide the ring onto her finger. Then she inspected it again. “It must be mine, it fits.”
He pulled up a chair. He pointed for her to get back on her bed as he sat down. This part was always odd. It is when the real question came, the more personal ones. She pulled her legs up with her and folded them. Her eyes danced over his features.
“You look older than I remember you,” she said.
He nodded. “You remember me quite a few years younger than I am now.”
She frowned. “But I remember some things. I know I play quidditch but I…” She trailed off.
“This curse was designed to attack the memories of the person you love most. I was horrified because you would not remember your son… than I found it is about romantic love… and it was me who you couldn’t remember.” He sighed. “The reason why you have so many gaps is because I am deeply ingrained in your life, and I have been for quite some time.” He heaved another sigh. “And of course our son is very much connected to me so you can’t remember anything about him.”
“I know Voldemort is dead. I can only guess I can’t remember because you were involved.” Her gaze landed on her wedding ring again. “When do I stop remembering you?”
“When you truly fell in love with me. About two months before we started dating it seems like,” he said. “I have been trying to pinpoint the exact moment but I know you will give me absolute shit for it once you recover and remember how many times I’ve tried.”
“When did we start dating?” she asked. “I feel like… I know there is a deeper connection between us. I can feel a familiarity I can’t remember.”
“May of your fifth year, a few weeks after you broke up with Dean,” he explained. “I… we only got a few weeks then, just under two months. Not because I wanted to break up with you, but I needed to.”
She cocked her head. “Was it for some stupid noble reason?”
He smiled as he felt tears well up in his eyes. “Yes.”
“I may only remember you as a friend, but I know you well enough.”
“I had 20 000 galleons on my head. I couldn’t risk you.” He looked down at his hands. “You understood that too.” He met her eyes again. “That is why you can’t remember most of the war… my face was everywhere. Everything about it had to do with me, so you can’t remember.”
“When did we get married?” she asked.
“Three years ago. At the Burrow, your mum fussed over you the entire day and cried a lot.” He smiled happily. “It was the second happiest day of my life.”
“What was the first?” she asked.
“The day Jamesy was born.”
She smiled. “Jamesy,” she repeated. She folded her hands together and focused on them. “Can I ask a silly question?”
“Yes, you may kiss me,” he answered.
Her head shot up as her jaw dropped. “How did you…? That’s not the first time I have asked, right?”
He shifted on his chair. “No. You don’t ask every time, but it is because the underlying question is much harder to ask. Even though you know the answer.” He stood up and carefully sat down on the bed beside her. Always moving slowly, mindful of the fact that she could not remember any type of intimacy. “We did all the things married people do. Well before we got married. And we have a baby, so I think it speaks for itself.”
Ginny looked up at his face. “So this is just weird for me.”
Harry shrugged. “Pretty much.” He resisted the urge to reach out. “If you want to hold hands, kiss, hug, snuggle… we can. It’s whatever you feel up to. I know it isn’t easy.”
“That may be,” she said. “But we can’t pretend I wouldn’t have totally been up to kiss you before we got together.”
“Really?” He frowned dramatically. “You never gave me that impression.” He waited for the playful shove for his comment, but it never came. “We can kiss,” he suggested then.
She nodded. “Maybe I’ll remember then.”
“We have tried that,” Harry said. “It didn’t work.” He shifted towards her a little. He knew she was uneasy. “Close your eyes.”
Ginny complied. She closed her eyes, her face turned to him.
“Don’t jump, my hand is coming to your waist,” he warned softly.
Her eyes popped open again. “I don’t remember us; I do remember how kissing works.”
He let out a snort. “Right. Sorry.” He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to close her eyes again.
Her eyelids fluttered close again and now his hand did come to her waist. The other hand came to her cheek to guide her. He leaned in and softly pressed his lips against hers. Her lips immediately moved against his, as if she was scared he would move away too quickly. Then she did her usual tilt with her head, and he had to work hard at not smiling against her lips. Some things were just so profoundly her that it amused him to see them pop up now. It reassured him she was very much still Ginny.
He leaned away softly, watching her reaction. Her cheeks were a lovely red as she met his eyes. She smiled shyly and then looked down at her hands as she folded them in her lap.
“How was that?” he asked.
She hummed. “Hm. Good.” Her eyes dart back up again. “I thought... it wouldn’t feel new. But it did. So it wasn’t bad, it’s just...”
“I know.”
She licks her lips absent-mindedly. “Right. You’ve given me more first kisses.”
“Look on the bright side... When your memory comes back you will have so many first kisses to remember.” He smiled.
“If this is real, and I think it is... isn’t this incredibly difficult for you? If we are married and you have an eight-month-old at home...”
“It hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure but babies are challenging no matter what. But he’s got a big family to look after him. Aunts and uncles...” He reached for the drawer beside the bed and retrieved a photo he had tucked away there yesterday. “Do you want to see it?” he asked her before he turned it around.
She immediately nodded. He turned it around and showed it to her. The Ginny in the photo was grinning widely as Harry’s hands come over hers on her bump. They turn to look at each other as the camera flashed.
Ginny fell silent as she took in the photo. A mixture of wariness and wonder settled in her features. “I look happy.”
“You are.” He corrected himself. “We are.”
“Can you bring him here? James?” she asked him as she put the photo down on top of the night table. She propped it up against the water bottle so she could look at it easily.
“I can go get him in a bit,” he agreed. “I never bring him in the morning so you have some time to adjust to reality. But I bring him whenever you feel up to it. He misses you.”
Her hand began to fidget and he reached out, taking it into his.
“It’s not your fault you don’t remember. And he is really small. You’ll remember him soon enough and he’ll remember nothing of the whole thing.” He squeezed her hand.
“Am I a good mother?” she asked.
“The best,” he told her truthfully. “A bit like your mum.”
This made her lock eyes with him, her brow furrowing.
It made him chuckle lightly but he bit it back when he saw her face. “You are steadfast and warm and you just... seem to know what you are doing even on days I know that you are not. I doubt a lot, as a parent, due to my upbringing. You always knew and you’d be there to guide me gently. Tell me I was doing okay.”
“It’s difficult to think of you as a dad, not going to lie...” she said. “Where is he now?”
“What his favourite aunt and uncle today,” he said. “They don’t have kids of their own, yet.”
“And who would that be?” she asked.
“Ron and Hermione,” he said with a smile.
“Together?” she asked with a smile.
He nodded happily. “Together.”
“Good. I am glad that happened.” Her smile faltered. “Why don’t I remember that? I remember Bill and Fleur... I think they are married now? But I don’t remember their wedding and I must have been there.”
“You were. You were one of the bridesmaids.” He grimaced. “But I was there so it was one of those things you don’t remember. Ron and Hermione... well I was there when they first kissed and at their wedding... so you don’t remember anything about it. You were Maid of Honour, and I was Best Man.”
“I am glad they got together... how long did it take them?” she asked curiously.
Harry enjoyed telling her these things. “Well, the final battle against Voldemort was fought at Hogwarts and... Ron said something about evacuating the House-Elves and well, that’s right up Hermione’s alley. I was desperate to get back out because you were meant to come back in the Room of Requirement, but they were just snogging each other’s brains out.” He chuckled. “Awful timing but they’ve been together ever since.”
“Why did I have to go back in?” she asked. “And is this one of those things I can’t remember because you were the ... main character of the event?”
“You weren’t seventeen yet. All other students were made to leave but you didn’t want to because your whole family was there. So your parents compromised to let you be in the Room instead.” He bit his lip. “You tried to coax me into letting you join the fighting, you thought I’d give in. I chose wisely and left it up to your parents. Not that it mattered, you left the moment you could and joined.”
She nodded. “What about us? How did we get together?”
Harry walked back into the room with little James in his pram.
“Ginny?” he called carefully. Sometimes when she napped she would forget everything before he came back and he would rather not startle her.
“Did you bring him?” she asked.
She remembered and so he stepped out of the little corridor and into the room. He set the pram down and took James out of it. He held him facing away so Ginny could look at him. He walked to the side of the bed with their son.
Ginny’s eyes feasted on the baby’s face. She smiled at the little boy. Her brown eyes looked up at Harry. “Are you sure I was involved with that? He just looks like you.”
“That’s actually what you told me after you gave birth.” He sat down on the bed. “I carry that baby around for nine months, sweating my tits off and I give birth to a clone?!” He told her. He tucked James against him, facing his mother. “But he has his mother’s eyes.”
“Did I really say that I sweat my tits off?” she asked with a grimace.
“That was the redacted version, what you said was much much worse but we are trying not to curse too much in front of him, so his first word won’t be a swear word.” He petted his son’s hair.
“I want to hold him but I am scared... I don’t have much practice,” she said.
“You have a ton of practice. I don’t know if it is muscle memory or maternal instinct but you have been handling him pretty well.” He moved and held out James.
Carefully he lowered James’ into his mother’s arms. She smiled down at him brightly. “I am sorry I don’t remember you, little guy. I am sure I love you a ton.”
“You do.”
Harry placed James back in his pram. He walked back over to Ginny, trying not to let the sadness overwhelm him. He knew she was already forgetting him as she slumbered. He carefully took her hand and pulled her wedding ring off her finger. He walked into the bathroom and placed it back on top of the cabinet. He turned the light of the bathroom off as he walked out and looked about the room to see if he was forgetting anything else.
It had become a weird little routine; Resetting the room every time he left so she could wake up peacefully. The photo was back in the drawer, photo album in the closet... He stepped back to Ginny and softly placed a kiss against her temple.
“I love you. I will be back tomorrow,” he told her sleeping form. He walked back to the pram. “Come on, James. We’ll be back soon. And I need to feed you before you get fussy. Mum loves you, okay? And she’ll be back home before you know it.”
He walked down the corridor quietly, bidding goodnight to the nurses he had grown used to seeing. They were friendly but the look of pity was never pleasant. He reckoned he deserved the pity now as he walked home with his young son while his wife forgot all of it overnight.