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Ena doesn't know where she's going. Where they're both going, actually. Her feet just follow the blurry pink trail in front of her. The landscape around is orange, perhaps it's the sunset, she's not sure.
Something burns in her body, not just in her legs, forced to exceed their usual level of mobility, but also in her chest. She can't tell if it's the lack of air or the pain of the whole situation, it's something she felt since she saw Mizuki, and it got worse as she ran after her. She doesn't know how long she's been running, her vocal cords only know despair and her only words are the name of a certain girl. She has seen some eyes looking at her strangely along the way, as if she were disrupting the normality of their days with her erratic behaviour. They do not matter at all.
She has jumped a traffic light, and the angry driver's beeping is annoying. She knows that under other circumstances she would fight back with insults, but on this occasion she cannot allow herself to focus on anything else. The fleeting sight of Mizuki is the object of her affection even then, with her hair waving in the air and the agility of her legs that undoubtedly surpasses Ena's. Still, she cannot love the sight. It's not a masterpiece she sees from a moderate distance, it's happiness slipping through her fingers when she is close, so close to her; it is the lost touch of her fingertips with the hope of not losing what she loves.
Her legs then betray her, beginning to give way under the weight of fatigue. She knows how poor her stamina is; she is not an athlete nor does she exercise regularly, so it is normal that sooner or later she will tire, but she doesn't want to accept it, she doesn't want to give in. Her heart's desire for Mizuki, her longing, should be stronger. They have been stronger all this time, they have kept her going without collapsing for more than half an hour. So why is her pace slowing down at the worst moment? Why do her screams seem muffled by sobs she doesn't remember starting? Why is Mizuki getting smaller and smaller?
Mizuki turns left; even though there is no air left in her lungs, Ena does too. She hopes to see her distinctive hair waving a few metres ahead of her, to hear her desperate footsteps as she tries to increase the distance and to be guided by them. Ena is horrified to discover that there is nothing. She turns left and there is absolutely nothing. She stops dead in her tracks, the unusually empty street ahead seeming to mock her.
She turns back, checks her right, circles around the same spot looking for any sign. She's not there, Mizuki has vanished. Ena looks ahead again, tries to take a step, but collapses to the ground.
Suddenly, she cannot move. The pain in her limbs is unbearable, but not as unbearable as her tears, which make it difficult to breathe and cloud her vision. Ena tries to get up, this time believing she will succeed, she has to. Her legs fail, she falls again.
They are watching her, at least that's what the whispers around her suggest. They are reminders of her failure, reflections of all the people she has failed by losing sight of Mizuki. Ena screams in pure pain, much more pain than she felt in the hallway on the day of the festival. Mizuki escaped her grasp, twice. She let her get away.
She will never see her again; she lost her last chance.
Mizuki is going to disappear, and it's her fault.
Her voice breaks as she screams louder, this time grabbing her hair in despair. She opens her eyes wide, her voice transforming into a pleading, yearning whisper. "Mizuki."
To her surprise, she is greeted by complete darkness, a stark contrast to the city sunset in which she was lost. Her body lies on a soft mattress instead of the concrete pavement with dirt smearing her knees. A blink later, she recognises all of the above as a bad joke played by her mind, a possibility she avoided as much as she could and motivated her to run like never before in her life at the right moment.
Memories of the conversation in the alley hit her and shake her soul, her gaze finds comfort. Mizuki is back, she made it. The nightmare fades into the back of her mind as she adjusts to the dim lighting.
Her arm is stretched out into nothingness, as she notices when she moves her fingers, remembering Mizuki's hand between hers. In front of her, the desk that takes up most of her day is close to invisible, so Ena, still feeling her heartbeat shaking her chest, sits on the bed and opens the pink curtains almost blindly.
The full moon reveals her cat pillow on the edge of the mattress about to fall off, the small table in the middle of the room with objects blurred both to her sight and her memory; she can barely make out the lines of her monitor and chair. The place comforts her, even the slightly cold temperature, so unlike the heat and suffocation in her lungs when she was running after Mizuki.
Ena looks around comforted, but she knows she's not really calm. She won't be until she feels her close in some way. The phone on her bedside table passes into her hands, and before she knows it, she's looking at a selfie that Mizuki took with the phone without permission and set as her contact photo herself.
One ring. Three. Five.
It was stupid to expect an answer at this hour.
Then the ringing stops. Ena doesn't dare breathe.
"Ena? What's wrong?"
Mizuki sounds sleepy, hoarse. The slurred words with a hint of concern bring Ena incomparable happiness. The artist imagines what she looks like now, fighting sleep, and she's all smiles.
"You're fine." She sighs with genuine relief this time.
Mizuki frowns from the other side. What's gotten into Ena? "Yeah? What, you couldn't find my contact?"
The stupidity of the question doesn't irritate her like other times, affection combines with amusement. "Why would I look for your contact at five in the morning?"
Mizuki realises the absurdity of what she said. "Eh..."
Ena decides not to torture her sleepy mind with more mystery. "I just had a nightmare."
A silence typical of the hour fills the call. Mizuki's breathing in her ear is her only indication that she hasn't left, then she hears her move without leaving her sheets, probably changing to a more comfortable position.
"Wanna talk about it?" Her tone is more serious and awake, still somewhat hoarse.
The artist's gaze goes to her knees. She doesn't want to worry Mizuki with silly fears from the past about losing her, but she knows the pink haired one won't be at ease without knowing what's tormenting her. In fact, she knew she would worry Mizuki from the moment she touched the dial button, and yet she couldn't stop herself from doing it, from hearing her.
Ena forces herself to pretend everything is okay, at least she doesn't have to fake the sweetness in her voice. "It's not necessary. Plus it's very late, you should go back to sleep."
"It's fine, I didn't have much work to do so I logged off sooner, remember? And I won't go to school tomorrow anyway."
Of course Mizuki couldn't just prioritise herself for once. Ena rolls her eyes, incongruous with her growing smile. Mizuki's kindness knows no bounds; despite what she's been through, others always come before her. Having someone who values her well-being so much, someone so pure and selfless to the point of foolishness, gladdens the most innocent parts of her soul, the part of her that believed being loved in such a way would be impossible.
Ena slides forward to grab the pillow she had ignored on the edge of her bed until now. She then places it over her outstretched legs, using it's design as a way to distract herself from the memory. "You disappeared. I had to be sure it wasn't real." Although she tries to avoid it, she sounds distressed.
Again, silence, except Mizuki takes a shaky breath that brings weight to her heart. The last thing she wants is for Mizuki to suffer, to be hurting at all.
"Mizuki?"
"Ah, sorry." Her voice takes on a false energy that does not mask the guilt they both know she feels. "Wow, I've really traumatised you, haven't I? Sorry about that. If it happens again, you can call me!"
Normally, Ena would play along, pretend not to notice, or be more subtle about it. After learning what her life has been, after almost losing her, it's impossible.
Her tone is strict. "Stop that, it's not your fault. I'm sure you had nightmares about that day too, didn't you?"
She falters. "Well..."
Ena softens, Mizuki listens to her more now. "It's only normal that it affects us both, because we were close to never talking again, but it was something unfortunate that happened, nobody's at fault." Then two culprits come to mind and make her bite her lower lip in anger. "Actually, if it wasn't for those stupid, big-mouthed assholes–"
"Enanan~ language." Mizuki stops her with an amused, more genuine tone.
She relaxes, knowing that her words have reached her. "Whatever." Ena sighs, looking up at the white ceiling that looks blue at night. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine after listening to you."
It takes her a while to answer, probably out of embarrassment. Her usual confidence takes over. "My voice is angelical, isn't it? Anyone would feel better after talking to me."
Ena rolls her eyes again. "Yeah, you should work in commercials voicing all those products talking. You sound dumb enough."
"Precisely!"
After a giggle, Ena can't help but grin. It's so silly and stupid, she's so silly and stupid. How did she not notice this loving feeling towards this idiot before?
"Mizuki." She can't help but say her name tenderly.
"Hmm?"
"Can I see you?"
She's on board immediately. "Sure! Where do you want to go?"
She presses her lips together. "I mean, now. A video call."
A small "ah" of realisation escapes her. It makes Ena want to laugh.
Mizuki hesitates at the idea, not entirely opposed to it. "I don't look very good right now, are you sure?"
Ena bites her tongue to avoid pointing out how impossible it is for her to look bad in her eyes. "How do you think I look? I just want to see you."
Mizuki gives in, her smile audible across the distance. "Fine."
The call ends with a beep, her phone comes away from her ear. Almost immediately, her screen lights up with the same photo, a video call this time. She accepts without even thinking about herself, only about how the other girl looks.
The hopeful look in her eyes, of which she is barely aware, turns to confusion when she sees only darkness.
"Mizuki?"
"Ah, crap." A nervous laugh confirms that it's not a connection problem. "Sorry, let me just..."
Sheets are removed and a switch is activated, then a warm light from the left side illuminates her face, resting on it's side on white pillows. Her expression is hazy with sleep, careless, but there is an undeniable joy in Mizuki at being able to see her. Ena doesn't try to comb her hair, which she knows is messy; she is too busy admiring the loose strands of Mizuki's, who sleeps with her hair down.
It's silly, they saw each other hours ago at Sekai. They've talked every day since Mizuki came back, exactly one week ago.
"I missed you."
The whisper is low, so low she probably didn't hear it. Except she did, because Mizuki's eyes melt, and the pink looks even sweeter.
"I missed you too."
Her heart skips a beat, which is confusing if you ask her. She already knows that Mizuki missed all of them. Maybe it's the intimacy of the atmosphere in the dark solitude of their rooms, maybe it's the romantic tension of not talking because there's no need to, maybe it's simply because it's Mizuki. Even though she has seen her like this a thousand times, she feels a strong need to immortalise the sight she now has of the editor, with the darkness of the room unable to steal the sparkle in her pink eyes, her tousled fringe, her sleepy smile.
Sadly, there is no way she can paint anything in that state.
"Why are you sitting?" Mizuki notices as she focuses a little on the background.
Ena is awakened from a trance and sits up straighter. "Oh, to open the curtains. I can't see anything otherwise. Look."
She turns the front camera away from herself to show Mizuki the windows that cover the corner of her room, and she also looks outside for the first time that night. There are no tall buildings to obstruct the view, she can see the dark blanket dotted with a few stars, with the moon shining down on the whole city. She rarely admires the night sky, she should do it more often.
Mizuki sounds mesmerised. "Wow, it's so pretty."
Ena smiles maliciously before focusing the phone on her again, just to be annoying. "Well, I can't keep holding the phone like that. You better have enjoyed the view."
She doesn't get the effect she was looking for, Mizuki is strangely pleased. "It's okay, this view is better."
Ena doesn't know if it's an elaborate comeback or if she means it, but either way, her face begins to burn from the surprise compliment. She is grateful for the lack of lighting and tries hard not to show how affected she is.
"Praise won't get you anywhere."
She realises that Mizuki is serious from the steady sincerity in her voice, as rare as it is to hear. "I don't wanna go anywhere."
With all her senses alert, Mizuki would never admit to something so vulnerable, let alone allow her gaze, albeit dim in the glow of the table lamp, to show such longing for her. Ena doesn't understand what she has done to deserve this, to be looked at in this way. Having Mizuki appreciate her in such a crystal-clear way makes her want to say things she has never dared to say before.
She searches for something to say almost desperately. "Ah, I haven't apologised. Sorry for calling you at this hour."
Mizuki gains energy, sleep loosening its grip on her consciousness. "Don't worry about it! Late night calls are very dream like, you know?"
She wants to think it's the time of night, but it's just Mizuki saying whatever comes to mind as usual. She exhales exasperatedly. "Not when they're because of a nightmare, idiot. And we have those daily, in Nightcord."
"I don't see your point."
Her lips drag out the words, and Ena can't help but stare at them for a second before trying to focus on some other part of her face. It's not difficult. It's hard to believe that it's a total coincidence how well-drawn her features are, her inability to look bad no matter how little make-up or sleep she gets. Mizuki blinks, lost in her own sleepy thoughts. Her pink eyelashes make Ena smile.
"I could fall asleep like this," she whispers unintentionally.
Mizuki hesitates at what she hears, it's the most awake she's seen her. "Huh? Looking at me?"
Although Ena didn't mean to say it, she knows her gaze screamed for her. It's absurd to hide it. "Yes. It's like you're here."
The editor is ironically blank, then uses her most familiar method of evasion. "Oh, you want to be here with me? I require all the bed to sleep, you know? You may end up on the floor." She raises the phone and switches to a front angle.
Ena doesn't let go of her fantasy. "Shut up. That won't happen if I hug you."
Mizuki opens her eyes wider than normal. For a moment it seems genuine, until she replies. "In this weather? It's too hot."
"No, it's not."
She shakes her head vigorously. "I'll melt in your arms, literally. You're so selfish, Ena~" Her voice isn't as energetic, but just as irritating as it is during the day.
Her determination doesn't waver in the face of teasing. "I don't give a shit. I'm hugging you all night long."
Maybe the time period established was too much. She thinks she sees a slight extra pink on the other's face. Shyness is covered with false annoyance. "Eh? I'm not a plushie."
An endearing enthusiasm takes hold of Mizuki when a new idea crosses her mind, she becomes lively as she would at noon. "Oh! That reminds me!"
Ena tilts her head to the side. "Of what?"
Mizuki throws off the sheets covering her. "I gotta show you something." The blurry screen shows the sudden movement of the device.
From the sound and the lack of coherence in what she sees, Ena notices that Mizuki is getting up. Too quickly, too. She can hear her socks touch the floor, the phone shows the top of her pyjamas as she leaves the bed.
"Wait, don't do that, you'll fall–" Too late. A few hurried, disorderly steps indicate that she's about to fall forward, a crashing sound suggests that she has landed on her desk. "Mizuki?!"
The girl reveals her face again, less illuminated than before. Her eyes are somewhat unfocused from dizziness, but a confident smile assures her that nothing has happened. "I'm fine, I'm fine!"
Relieved, Ena leans her head against the window. "Jeez, be more careful. What's so important?"
"One second!" She disappears for a moment. A chair is dragged over, and Mizuki plonks herself down on it without a care in the world about breaking it. Ena feels sorry for the chair. The editor reappears with childlike excitement and a little bit of bedhead. "I'm back!"
Her enthusiasm is contagious. "So what did you want to show me?"
Mizuki nods and flips the camera with a simple button. Ena realises how silly she was not to have used the same method to show her the stars. "Look who's on my desk!"
It takes a few seconds for her eyes to make sense of what she sees. A fist-sized hedgehog soft toy with brown eyes and nose, and too many tiny brown spikes to count. The ears are slightly smaller than its legs. It's adorable, she can't deny it.
"That's such a cute one, where did you get it?"
"It is cute! But can you guess who it is?" Mizuki insists on the same part.
"Oh, it's meant to be someone? A hedgehog..." Her mind doesn't cooperate. She's not good at riddles, especially when sleep deprived. "Airi?"
Mizuki giggles at the attempt. "Of course not. That's you!"
Ena's mouth drops open, and a wave of embarrassment and happiness crashes over her. Mizuki bought a stuffed animal that reminds her of Ena and made sure she could look at it almost any time of the day by placing it on her desk. Such a simple gesture, to keep her in mind at all times. It stirs something fragile in Ena that makes her want to cry. She smiles at how loved she feels, until she notices a small detail.
"Wait... why am I a hedgehog?"
Mizuki returns to selfie mode, her sly expression is answer enough. "Huh? Isn't it obvious?"
Ena wants to pull her cheeks, not out of tenderness. "Are you saying I'm dangerous?"
"No, no, how could I ever do that?" She says, about to do it. "I'm saying you look dangerous but actually you are a softie."
"That's not true!"
"See? You're being scary right now! Just look at that frown!" Mizuki whines with a pout that she finds more cute than annoying, surprisingly.
She can't get angry with her, she can't even pretend to. She's still moved by having a stuffed animal that represents her on Mizuki's desk, whether or not it's a silly hedgehog.
"You're unbelievable." She sighs.
"Praise won't get you anywhere~"
"Don't repeat what I said. What even gave you the idea?" She's quite curious, Mizuki has never done anything like this before.
The pink haired one puts a finger to her lips as she thinks. "I think I just saw it and thought it looked like you, so I bought it. To be fair, I think about you a lot these days."
The last part doesn't escape her. "What?"
"What?"
"You think a lot about me?"
Mizuki loses the confidence with which she spoke a moment ago. "...I said that?"
The artist is amused by her slip-up. "Yeah, you just did."
"Wow, really?" She flashes an embarrassed smile.
Ena is tempted to tease her, Mizuki has spent the last few minutes doing the same thing anyway, but she is touched for that discovery. She was able to take a quick look inside of Mizuki's mind, and she owes it to her to appreciate what she just learned by accident.
"I think about you too, so don't worry."
Her words reassure Mizuki, a loving smile is interrupted by a yawn that she covers as best she can with her free hand. Small tears of exhaustion fall from her eyes, and she wipes them away as if it were the most difficult task in the world.
Ena laughs when she sees that dozy face again. "Go back to bed, Mizuki. And don't stand up too fast."
She has no will to argue, she just nods. "Yeah, I will."
It doesn't take long before she hears her fall again, this time onto her bed. Ena wonders how she hasn't broken all the furniture in the house. She thinks Mizuki is going to end the call or say goodbye, but instead she lets her right cheek rest on the pillow and the phone remains in her hand as best it can, showing the gradual loss of her conscious state.
Ena knows that she should act, being the more lucid person, and say goodbye or at least hang up the call, but honestly she doesn't want to. Seeing Mizuki fight against fatigue and slowly lose the battle, and even hearing her snore, is an opportunity she does not intend to waste. Perhaps she can also take a screenshot, just to even the score with the amount of embarrassing material Mizuki has on her.
"Ena." She mumbles with her eyes already closed.
"Hmm?"
It's a challenge to understand her muttering. "Did you know hedgehogs can only be around twelve inches long?"
"What?"
"That explains why you're so small." The last word is almost inaudible.
"What are you talking about?" Ena looks at Mizuki in annoyance, unable to believe that the last thing she says to her is thinly veiled insults. "Mizuki, don't you dare fall asleep now."
It seems deliberate as phone slips from her hand, blocking Ena's view of her as it falls face down. At least she can still hear her, her soft snores and breathing are pleasant to listen to.
Ena smiles at the black screen, she will forgive her insolence just because it's her. "Good night, Mizuki."
As she lies down on the mattress, Ena wonders if she should hang up once and for all and go to sleep like a normal person. She decides to listen to Mizuki for a few more moments, just to feel the peace of knowing that she is resting. Before she knows it, she has fallen too into the land of dreams. They spend the rest of the night breathing together, even though they are miles apart.
Nightmares don't reach them, only a shared serenity.