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The glow of the infirmary was a nuisance to Kouta Yuudai.
He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the antiseptic stench, either in his last world or this one. Even though Night Raven College’s infirmary didn’t exactly have eye-hurting white walls and overhead lights that constantly buzzed because someone decided the building didn’t need that much power, it still was an infirmary. Still full of chemicals and medicine, this time interspaced only with magic that made Yuu’s skin tingle.
He huffed out a breath as he laid there in bed. Even here, he remained out of place. The only magicless human being in this entire goddamned building, patched up and bruised because of, once again, yet another Overblot he had to take care of himself.
He needed a raise. But to get a raise, Yuu needed to get paid first, and Crowley was a stingy sort whose kindness only goes so far. But at least Yuu’s enrollment was free.
It probably wasn’t a good idea to dwell on his monetary state while currently laying in a shoddy bed and covered in injuries he’d rather not dwell on. Sewn shut in places he would never speak of, lathered in creams he couldn’t name, coated in the lingering gleam of magic he’d never fully understand no matter how many textbooks he read. Jamil had really fucked him up. Surprise surprise, snake venom was lethal. Who knew?
Yuu’s squinted eyes twitched as he turned his head. In the bed beside him lay Jamil, in arguably worse shape than he was. Jamil was the one who Overblotted, after all. The poor guy was just staring at the ceiling, as he had been doing for the past few days. They hadn’t exchanged very many words in the time they were both spending in recovery.
Maybe it was the slurry of painkillers and whatnot in Yuu’s system. Maybe it was just his own stubbornness, who knows— but Yuu wanted to say something while they had the room to themselves.
“I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you’ve been thinkin’,” Yuu muttered, his voice dragging low. “Your situation is shitty. I would’ve Overblotted, too, if I were you. I’m just happy you’re still here.”
Jamil didn’t quite answer. But his head turned the slightest bit, and even through slightly bleary vision, Yuu could see the quiet despair in Jamil’s serpentine eyes. He looked guilty. He shouldn’t have looked guilty.
“When we’re both outta here, I’m takin’ you shoppin’. No Kalim,” Yuu announced, shakily raising an arm to point at Jamil.
Jamil’s brows furrowed, pulling at the faded Overblot marks on his face. “I can’t leave Kalim alone.”
“Bullshit,” Yuu huffed, a half-laugh. “I know some ghosts. They can watch him. You deserve a day.”
That was the thing about Kouta Yuudai. This was now his fifth time in the infirmary, his fifth time getting patched up after being battered beyond reason, and still he was promising Jamil something happy to look forward to, just as he had all the Overblotted students he’d stubbornly pulled from the depths of their own darknesses. That was a sort of magic that was hard to master.
The recovery took a while, certainly. Jamil would have to stay in the infirmary longer, but Yuu had been cleared to go back to his dorm. They had parted with good graces, with Yuu making a pinkie-promise with Jamil, sharing little smiles and promises he would move the heavens and earth to follow through on. And thus, Yuu had reconvened with Ace, Deuce, and Grim, who had all wept upon seeing him alright again, with Deuce punching Ace in the face after he shook Yuu a little too hard while crying “Stop with the savior complex! You’re not actually invincible!”
Suppose that’s one way to know if you’re loved.
He’d been brought back to Ramshackle with all the grace of a three-legged horse-pulled carriage, deposited back into bed despite having already been in bed, stuffed full of several criminally unhealthy snacks and a good thousand gallons of water, and finally left alone. It was strange, being surrounded by so much silence again. He still wasn’t used to this.
Now all he had was the ticking of a clock. But his chest remained full of strife; his heart refusing to lay in a resting pulse. His body itched for movement after so long of atrophying. For air different than the inside stench of a building, especially one as downtrodden as Ramshackle.
So, he slowly got up from bed, careful not to pull his stitches, and made his way downstairs and to the back door.
Yuu could understand the allure of a quiet graveyard. As a child, he’d always thought the places as creepy and desolate, where old men with lanterns leered at trespassers and zombies stirred beneath the dirt. Actually, Twisted Wonderland was a world where he’d probably expect to see zombies, but the graveyard here was always so still. And in the early morning hours, a soft mist had settled over the stone and the grass, creating a liminal hush he’d only ever felt when laying alone on his bedroom floor at three in the morning, music engulfing him from his headphones and heart feeling lonelier than ever.
The crisp morning air felt nice in his lungs. Yuu had sat himself down on the back porch, arms propped on his knees, the faint breeze stirring the unruly strands of his hair. He felt like a mess, and he probably looked like it, too. Bandages, stitches, new marks on his face he’d carry everywhere. Some rumpled shirt and sweatpants that had seen a bit without a wash. He didn’t exactly care at the moment.
He just stared at the expanse of the graveyard, his mind full and empty all at the same time. This was the fifth Overblot he’s had to deal with— the fifth student he’s had to save. One too many.
His squinted eyes closed further, hiding the world beneath delicate lashes. He could hear the early birds, smell the flowers people left behind at the graves. He could pretend it was like home.
... Though, there was this odd noise starting to break the stillness. At first Yuu didn’t pay attention to it, but the thump-thump-thump was getting closer.
“—uudai,” a voice called, “Yuudai?”
Furrowing his brows, Yuu cracked his eyes back open the slightest bit, head lifting as he glanced up. There was a shape ahead of him, one that certainly wasn’t a gravestone, or a rising zombie come to gnaw at his brains (because anything could happen at this point).
Instead, standing in front of him, was a rumpled-looking boy with a face paler than the moon, slightly hunched forward and holding his own waistcoat as he panted from the exertion of running. Never before had Silver been so... well. Unkempt.
Yuu raised a brow, noting the panting. “Damn. You need a second?”
Silver only swallowed, straightening up with a tightening of his shoulders. “Are you okay?” He asked, no pretense; the first thing spat out of his mouth now that he was face-to-face with Yuu.
Yuu straightened up a little as well, sliding his arms back so his hands gripped his knees. How the hell does he even respond to that? Anything that came to mind was just a clear lie— oh, yeah, I’m all good, I’m used to this by now, don’t you worry about it. Silver didn’t deserve to be lied to like that, but Yuu didn’t exactly know what else to say. The truth was heavy and hurtful.
He wrinkled his nose, tilting his head slightly away. Instead of answering, he just lifted his hand and beckoned Silver over. “Just... sit down with me for a sec, yeah?”
Silver’s expression softened, though worry creased his brow and pressed his lips tight even still. He made his way forward without a second thought, sitting on the same step as Yuu. It was hard not to crowd with the differences in their heights, but Silver tried his best. He even hunched a little again.
Neither of them really knew what to say. They sat shoulder-to-shoulder and stared at the graveyard together, soaking silence that carried all the words that didn’t need to be spoken right this second. The breeze kissed both of them, carrying a chill that stung just enough to tether Yuu into reality.
But issues hung above them like a strung anvil. Silver was the first to clear his throat.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t visit you in the infirmary. I really tried.”
Yuu shook his head without looking back at Silver. “No, it’s fine. I get it. You’re a knight, you can’t just up and dip from your job like that.”
Silver wrinkled his nose and shut his eyes. “I tried.”
“Hey, that’s enough. I’m just glad you’re sitting with me now.”
Even now, Yuu was trying his best to ease the quiet guilt that Silver was harboring, despite him being the one injured and recovering. Maybe it was reflex at this point. Yuudai couldn’t quite put a name to it, even now with all his years of living.
Silver glanced back at him; those gleaming aurora eyes gleaming with something yet unspoken. “You didn’t answer my question,” he pointed out, voice low. “Are you okay?”
Ah, hell, Yuu was being backed into a proverbial corner, here. His chest tightened a little, a curl drawing low into his gut. Vulnerability wasn’t a strong suit of his. The act of opening himself up and letting Silver read him like an open book was arguably daunting.
“Yeah,” he said without thinking, and immediately cringed at himself for such a blatant lie. His head lowered, that annoying stray hair bobbing in front of his tan face. “No.”
Silver blinked. “That’s two different answers.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Yuu mumbled, sagging slightly forward. “It hasn’t, like... fully set in, yet. Or it’s just... too familiar. Or something. I can’t explain it in a way that makes sense.”
Silver inclined his head, a quiet sorrow settling in his eyes as he stared at the defeated crumple of Yuu. It was so strange seeing the other boy like this, when usually he was baring his teeth when he laughed, wiping blood from his nose after the most glorious tumble of his life. Now he just looked... small. Smaller than ever.
Hesitating only a moment, Silver slowly reached out an arm and wrapped it around Yuu. He tried his best to be careful when handling such a battered body, as he didn’t know where it hurt most. Yuu’s head lifted slightly, a brief widening of the eyes, but he didn’t fight it. If anything, he ended up leaning into it, legs folding closer as he settled against Silver’s firm warmth.
He sniffed once. Silver tightened his hold, just a little.
“This is the fifth one, isn’t it?” Silver asked, tilting his head away to give Yuu some kind of space to process. “I’m sorry. Nobody should have to deal with that many messes.”
Yuu sniffed again, raising his arm to wipe at the moisture that had collected on his eyes. “I don’t ‘deal’ with them, Silv,” he quietly retorted, his voice a trembling whisper. “They’re friends, and they don’t have anyone else. I help them.”
“You keep almost dying,” Silver pointed out, lowering himself a little more towards Yuu. “Yuudai, when is it ‘helping them’ and when is it ‘ruining yourself’? Surely there must be a limit...”
“Nobody else is gonna do it,” Yuu snapped, sounding harsher than intended. “And I’d never live with myself knowing I could’ve done something and didn’t.”
Maybe it was the biting tone, or maybe it was stubbornness, but Silver ended up pausing. His fingers curled against Yuu’s side, and Yuu felt his heart drop into his stomach. He hadn’t meant to sound rude in any way.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m...”
“It’s okay,” Silver murmured. The matter could be laid to rest for now. Just until Yuu was doing a little better.
Not wanting the conversation to drift into uncomfortable silence, Yuu exhaled and leaned his head back to rest against Silver’s shoulder. “When we’re both better, I promised Jamil I’d take him shopping. No Kalim. Just having fun for a day, and all. He deserves it.”
Silver’s eyes softened. “That’s quite kind of you.”
His words hung heavy. It wasn’t just praise, even if it was worded like that. It was spoken more with a quiet disbelief— after all that, getting beaten and poisoned and burned, Yuu was reaching a hand out and ensuring someone got some kind of happiness from it all. Jamil almost killed him, after practically trapping him in Scarabia. Yuu had every right to be a little bitter.
This was one thing Silver couldn’t let rest. His hand rubbed up and down Yuu’s side, ever careful. “How... how do you do that, Yuudai?”
Yuu tilted his head up. “What?”
“He tried to kill you,” Silver pointed out. “They all did. Yet, somehow, you get them all to come back. To better themselves, too. I mean, Riddle became more lax on his rules, Leona started putting in a little more effort, even Azul stopped being as shiesty as before...”
Yuu frowned, his lips pressing tight. “I really don’t know,” he admitted under his breath, even if the answer felt lackluster. He just couldn’t provide much at the moment, and he could only pray Silver wasn’t angry about that. “I wish I did. All I know is that someone is hurting, and I have to do something. Maybe I’m just selfish.”
“Selfish,” Silver repeated incredulously. “How in the world is helping people selfish?”
Yuu sighed heavily, tilting his head back and running his hand down his face. “Because... because helping makes me feel better,” he huffed out in a slight rush. “Makes me feel like I’m not a fuck-up. Like I actually... I dunno, mean something, or whatever. Means I make some kind of goddamn difference before I die in a ditch, or something.”
All at once, Silver’s hand slid up and clamped around the side of Yuu’s head. He forced Yuu’s head back against his shoulder with a gentle pressure, lowering his head close enough to where Yuu felt the brush of gray hair against his forehead.
“Don’t say that,” Silver mumbled. “You’re not dying in a ditch. You do mean something, and you don’t have to save people to prove it.”
Yuu made a muffled noise, given the fingers sliding down to press to his cheek. “Silv, I’m not even magic. Back home, I wasn’t even—”
“I love being around you,” Silver cut in, halting Yuu’s thoughts before they could tumble out and make him regret his words. “I love your soul, Yuudai, and there’s a reason we all accept you. And it’s not forced, not some bullshit about how often you help the school, none of that. You’re a good person and just being okay and alive is enough. You don’t have to prove anything to everyone to justify your own damn existence.”
Yuu stiffened.
He wasn’t used to Silver sounding so... what was the word ...intense? He sounded so sure of everything that he was saying, believing so vehemently in Yuu, savior be damned. When the human turned his head upwards, he was met with the hard set of Silver’s determined face, and a telltale moisture glistening in those auroral eyes. Silver was a crier.
Silver’s expression slowly dropped from something tight and determined into something a little more concerned. “Ah... was that too harsh?” he asked, his eyes searching Yuu’s face. “Too corny?”
Yuu said nothing for a moment. He simply stared back, his squinted eyes opened wide for once, deep brown gazing into violets. Pinpricks and open skies.
He sniffed for the umpteenth time. And with a tremble to his lip and a tightening of his jaw, Yuu twisted himself around to bury his face in Silver’s chest, head tucked beneath his chin. Silver gasped softly, but not a moment of hesitation held him back from wrapping his arms more securely around Yuu, pulling him into his lap and cradling him the same way his own father once had.
“Silv, please, never change,” Yuu rasped against Silver’s chest, hands curled into lapels and body tucked small. “God, I love you so much.”
Silver exhaled softly through his mouth, his heart opening to gather Yuu’s own in its warmth. His head lowered, lips pressing soft to the top of Yuu’s head. He could still smell the antiseptic stench of the infirmary on the poor boy.
“I love you too,” he murmured. “And I hope you know I mean it when I say that.”
The two sat like that on the back porch for a long time, accompanied only by the breeze and the singing of morning birds (songs that always seemed to follow Silver, one way or another). But even the morning chill grew a little too great, so Silver wordlessly stood with Yuu still tucked in his arms, turning around to push the door open with his hip and bring the human into the warmth within.
“You still have stuff for hot cocoa?” Silver idly asked.
Yuu wiped a hand against his eye, tilting his head up. “I should, yeah.”
“Good. I’ll make us some. We can have a movie day.”
And the door shut, the click ever soft.