Chapter Text
School.
Another day of school. Another day of them.
Shit.
Misako walked down the pavement, torn between walking slowly to make the journey as long as possible and walking quickly enough to still be on time. She didn't need anything else against her.
The schoolyard loomed in front of her. Was it proper to describe a flat area as looming?Maybe it would be more accurate to worry about the building looming instead.
No matter. It was stupid to worry about linguistic semantics with a whole day in front of her.
'Hey!' The shout was all too audible from across the yard, and Misako instinctively froze.
'Look! It's the old one!'
A sick feeling started to spread in her stomach. She hated that feeling. But here it was again, killing her anyway.
Kids started to gather around her in a circle, shouting random things. Calling her old. Decrepit. Doddering. Some of them pretended to hobble around, using sticks as canes, while others reached out to touch her braid, the white bands twisted too plainly against her brown.
She hated when people touched her hair.
She jerked away, shoving past the kids, trying to hide her braid, shoving it into the collar of her shirt, doing anything to get the incriminating white out of view. She ran into the classroom, noticing the lone student left in the room, the only one who hadn't gone out to jeer.
Maya.
Lovely, beautiful Maya. The only reason Misako continued going to school.
Said girl bobbed her head up and waved enthusiastically. 'Hi Misako! Good to see you, dear! Always on time, as usual, I see.'
'Yeah,' Misako agreed absentmindedly, trying to readjust her clothing so it looked presentable and also continued to hide her hair. She could see that Maya was looking at her with a concerned expression, her soft brown eyes flicking to the outline of the concealed braid.
Please don't let her see either. She'd hate it. I know she would.
'So…' offered Maya. 'Are you going to dress up for our date tonight? I am!' She pulled her schoolbag out from under her seat and unzipped the top to reveal a sabai and pha nung made of a simple, light blue material, mixed with some kind of silvery glitter that made it shine, even in the less-than-ideal lighting of the classroom. 'My mother bought these for me, and I really think you'll like it when you see how it looks on me.'
'Yes, I will.' Misako agreed. She could already tell, even without seeing it on her, that it would perfectly fit Maya. It would make her shine. So different from what she was. She had never known how to dress, how to act, to impress other people, other girls.
Good,spoke her mind. You don't need to impress girls. That's wrong. You're a girl. You're supposed to like boys. If you don't, your parents will never forgive you.
'Shut up,' she whispered to her mind. 'That… that's not true.'
Isn't it?
That question didn't leave her mind, even when the class started, the other students filing in one by one, taking their places, contorting their faces in jeers or pretending to be toothless ancient crones when the teacher wasn't looking.
It didn't leave her mind during the afternoon classes, nor did it leave her mind as she sat in front of her small wooden vanity in her bedroom, staring hopelessly at the offending streaks of white that marred her beautiful brown.
She sighed, putting the gloves on and reaching for the dye, separating the strands out as a matter of habit, working the dye into the hair without really paying attention, instead staring into the mirror, watching the white disappear, the hair framing her face perfect and undisturbed. One strand. Two strands. Three strands…
Maya had wanted her to dress up. And by the First Spinjitzu Master himself, Misako hadto look pretty for her new girlfriend. Maya would love to see her with a nice dress framed by soft chestnut hair.
She would love her then, right? Or would she still see through the deception to the ugliness inside, the ugly inside Misako was convinced she showed everyone without meaning to? The diseased self she tried to hide; the monster that liked both boys and girls.
Of course, Maya would see it. Because Misako was actively feeding it by dating another girl. Shemight not see it as Misako did, but Maya didn't have to deal with her parents. The parents who had told her that it was wrong. The parents who had told her to hide her hair. The parents who had said that she was screwing up her life and all she needed to do was apply herself more.
And every time, her parents had been proved right. Every time Misako had defied orders, left her hair natural, she had been bullied. The grades had improved when Misako forced herself to study into the late hours of the night and get up early in the morning to study more. They had always been right. Why should they be wrong about this?
But still. Her heart told her that it couldn't be wrong. It felt so… so right. So correct. She let her hair fall to her shoulders, still half unfinished, and then slumped onto the desk, crying into her arms. Her heart was wrong. It had to be wrong. It was just another part of her that was, in its very biology, wrong.
The sobs rocked her body, and she shook in her own arms, the protective cradle of her crossed limbs the only thing keeping her from falling off the chair. They weren't loud, nor could they be, but they were all-consuming, so much so that Misako didn't know anyone had come into the room until a hand came to rest on her shoulder, and she startled, sitting up quickly and turning to see Maya, trying to comfort her with a smile.
Misako scrambled, grabbing her unfinished hair and trying to hide it by balling it up in her fists, but Maya stopped her firmly, seizing her wrists and gently bringing them down to the surface of the desk, gently brushing her hair aside to reveal Misako's tear-streaked face.
'What's wrong, sweetie?' Maya asked softly, pressing a tiny kiss to her cheek.
'I'm not…' began Misako, but then closed her mouth. 'I'm… never going to be as beautiful as you. As… effortlessly perfect.' She stood up and took a few paces around her room.
'And it's all because of my stupid hair! I hate it! I hate how it grows out white, no matter what I do. I hate that I have to dye it, do all this work, just to not get bullied at our stupid school!'
She sat on the bed with a muffled thump, falling even further backward so she was lying on it.
'I hate that I'm ugly,' she finished quietly, with a soft sniffle.
'Ugly?' came Maya's voice, a hard edge to it.
Understandable. After Misako had just revealed her dark side, Maya should be angry. Should revile her.
'Misako, you're not ugly. And no one should tell you that you are.' The words were not soft, gentle, or comforting. They were just said. Plainly spoken. And that's the one thing that made Misako even slightly inclined to believe her. She turned her head to see her girlfriend, shaking not with sadness but with repressed anger.
'You are going to get off that bed and get dressed,' announced Maya, opening Misako's dresser and pulling clothes out. 'And you and I are going on that date. And you will look amazingbecause you always do. And -' she said, shoving the selected outfit into Misako's arms. 'You are going to like it. Understood?'
'Understood,' squeaked Misako in a small voice, scurrying off to the toilet to dress. She slipped her body into the outfit Maya had chosen, then stared at her hair, still only half-dyed, white strands still visible on the right side.
Maya had seen it. And she hadn't said anything. Maybe she liked it? Or maybe it was more like she didn't hate it. Misako gulped as she checked the clock on the wall. 4:15. She only had about an hour. There was no time to dye it and have time for her date with Maya before her parents came back from wherever they worked.
So, making the best of it, she formed her hair into a loose braid and exited the toilet to noises of admiration from Maya.
'Sweetie, you look beautiful!' her girlfriend cooed, stepping in to adjust a few bits of her clothing to make sure they fit right and were comfortable.
Right. In the outfit you picked out for me.
Misako knew it was bitter and false to think this; after all, these were her clothes, all Maya had done was pick a few items and put them together. But they looked way better on her than anything Misako would have come up with by herself, so she couldn't help but think of this outfit as 'Maya's'.
She really was a horrible girlfriend to Maya.
Misako realised that Maya was saying something to her and that she hadn't been paying attention for the past minute or two, possibly more.
'- should probably be going before your parents get back though,' Maya was saying, so Misako just nodded along and took Maya's hand when it was offered.
'You look beautiful when your hair is like that,' Maya said, carefully fixing the collar of Misako's blouse without touching her hair. 'All white and swirled in your hair. Like ice cream.'
Yeah, Misako thought, a half-smile forming on her face, Maybe I do.