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Haru is all too aware that he's thinking about Makoto again.
It's not the thoughts themselves, pleasant and innocuous ones floating around and around, that are keeping him awake.
No, it's the very realization that Makoto is what's occupying all the space in his brain that seems to be profoundly inhibiting his ability to sleep.
He sighs and opens his eyes, the vision of Makoto lingering in the darkness like a comforting afterimage. The sun had set only a few hours ago, so he admits that it's probably too early for sleep. He hadn't felt particularly tired, but since leaving the hospital only a couple of weeks ago, he was being uncharacteristically adept at taking better care of himself—or at least trying to.
And that, first and foremost, meant getting plenty of sleep. It had come easily when he was working himself past the point of exhaustion. But now he was well rested, and his mind was mostly clear of worry. And yet he just couldn't seem to turn off his brain. He couldn't quiet his thoughts. More and more they were being taken over by—
Haru’s phone suddenly buzzes, just once, and he doesn’t simply suspect, he knows that it’s Makoto. And that certainty is the only reason he reaches over to check the message.
"Please call me if you're still awake and have a minute. I just wanted to tell you about tomorrow."
Haru smiles. Tomorrow. Makoto's birthday. Coach Azuma had advised him to stay in the hospital a little while longer, but Haru had insisted he would be out by early November. This had probably been inferred as Haru being stubborn or maybe even resilient. And perhaps that was true, though not for the reasons everyone else must have assumed. Haru had always been with Makoto on his birthday, and nothing would stop him from breaking that unspoken tradition.
Maybe that's why Haru couldn't stop thinking about him. Well, at least one of the reasons.
While still lying down, he presses the call button on his phone.
"You are still awake!" Makoto answers in a cheerful though hushed voice, as if worried that despite the phone call, Haru might somehow still be sleeping.
"I was actually having some trouble falling asleep."
"Did you try that tea I gave you?"
"No, I only remembered it after I had already brushed my teeth. I didn't want to have to brush them again."
Makoto laughs. "Next time, then. So, about tomorrow—"
"Your birthday."
Makoto laughs. "You don't have to prove to me that you remember it's my birthday. I know you do. Though, with everything that happened, I would understand if you didn't."
"I'll never forget it. Ever." Haru blushes and immediately tries to move past the embarrassing proclamation. "So, what's the plan?"
"Well, Asahi and everyone want to meet up for karaoke in the afternoon. Kisumi insisted it should be a surprise, so I don't have all the details, but they got a private room somewhere for an early dinner, too. Asahi said he invited you but hadn't gotten an answer back yet, so... " He finishes with an incomplete thought. I wasn't sure if you felt up to seeing everyone right now. In case Haru isn't already thinking it, Makoto doesn't want to put the thought in his head.
Haru considers for a moment. It sounds a little overwhelming. Asahi had been over a few times to help Haru catch up in the classes they shared, and he had seen Kisumi in passing, but other than that, his only real contact had been with Makoto since his return. On one hand, it might be good to get out. But on the other hand, it could be wise to take his time and approach such things more slowly.
Sensing Haru's hesitation, Makoto continues. "I'm sure they'd all like to see you, but they also understand you're still recovering."
Haru decides to be completely honest. "I'd rather just come over to your place after. If that's ok, I mean."
"Of course it is! Honestly, I was going to ask if I could stop by your apartment if you didn't feel like coming out with us, so it makes me happy to hear that you want to see me."
Haru blushes and fears that Makoto can somehow feel his heated face through the phone. Of course I want to see you. He definitely can't say that out loud.
Makoto continues, sensing Haru is probably getting embarrassed. "Since I'll already be out, why don't I just come over after?"
"Sure, I'll have dessert ready."
"Ok! I'll tell everyone you said hello and that you're doing well."
"Thanks, Makoto."
"Are you going to sleep now?"
Haru smiles, his eyelids starting to feel heavy. "Ah, I think I'll be able to now."
"Goodnight then." He drops the volume of his voice again, letting it soften naturally. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Ah, goodnight."
Haru sets his phone back on the nightstand and closes his eyes. He feels calm and happy, and so he drifts off to sleep.
Before Makoto's hand even touches the door, Haru knows he has arrived. It's a strange phenomenon to be so sure of something that's impossible to be sure about, but it's nothing out of the ordinary for the two of them.
Makoto opens the door, giving a quick peek at the night sky to Haru, who's seated on the floor between his bed and table. It's only just past dinnertime, and Haru's glad to have the entire evening to spend with Makoto on this day in particular, the one that they have spent together every year from the very beginning.
"Good evening, Haru-chan!"
Haru lets out a small laugh, recognizing Makoto's usual birthday smile of excitement, slightly different from his everyday one. Even as a college student, Makoto carries a certain happiness on his special day, and it's incredibly endearing, so much so that Haru doesn't even think to admonish him to drop the "-chan."
Ah, this is it, Haru thinks. The thought hits him at just that moment, suddenly but gently, like a sunshower in the summertime. His heart feels especially full at the sight of Makoto, and yet he feels so light. He looks at him and knows that today he'll tell him what's been waiting in the back of his mind for years and years. After dessert—that will be perfect. But for now, all he says is: "Did you have fun?"
"We did!" Makoto joins Haru on the floor and sits across from him, taking notice of the two small dessert plates on the table. He removes an envelope from the bag and hands it over. "This is from everyone."
"For me?" Confused, Haru stares at the envelope a moment before opening it.
The card inside has an image of a swimming pool on the front. He silently wonders where they even found a card like this. He opens it and instantly recognizes the handwriting in the middle as Asahi's.
"Hey Haru! We all hope you're getting lots of rest. Come out with us when you're ready! You owe us at least five songs at karaoke."
Underneath is everyone's signature accompanied by a short heartfelt message.
"I don't think I know five songs well enough," Haru responds seriously. But the kindness makes him smile, and he looks back up at Makoto. "Next time, I'll definitely go." And then, to change the subject: "What gifts did you get?"
"Oh! They all got me a video game, lots of chocolate, and a gift card for that new cafe. It'll be my treat when we go, Haru!"
"That sounds nice. Are you hungry at all? I have some leftovers."
"We did eat a little early, but I had plenty. I made sure to save room for dessert!"
As expected from Makoto. Haru smiles and starts to get up. "I'll go get it."
Makoto watches as Haru heads to the kitchen. This birthday was quite different from past ones. It had felt a little odd at first to be out celebrating without Haru there, too. It was like he could have walked through the door at any moment and apologized for being late. Still, Makoto knew he'd be waiting for him here.
After a moment, Haru returns with the cake. It's small with strawberries and cream sandwiched between layers of chocolate sponge. The top has a generously thick covering of cream with sliced strawberries. In the middle, Haru has lit a single candle. Makoto half expects him to start singing "Happy Birthday" as he walks out and smiles a little imagining that as one of the karaoke songs Haru chooses to perform.
Makoto exclaims in delight as Haru sets the cake down in front of him. Seeing it up close reveals just how much work went into it. "Haru! This is too much. When did you even have time to make it?!"
"It wasn't that hard once I found a recipe." Haru made sure to reserve his softest smile for this moment, and even though it's embarrassing, he looks Makoto in the eye, holding his gaze until both of their cheeks are dusted pink. "Make a wish."
Makoto closes his eyes and takes a moment to think. He hadn't really prepared himself to make a wish, but he doesn't want to waste the opportunity, so he goes with the first thing that pops into his head and blows out the candle in one quick exhale.
Haru cuts a generous slice of cake for Makoto and a more reasonable one for himself. He waits for Makoto to take a bite, readying himself for a genuine compliment.
"Mm, Haru! This is amazing! Really!"
"I'm glad you like it." He smiles sincerely and takes a bite. Well, it is pretty good.
Haru waits while Makoto practically inhales the cake, steadying himself for what he wants to say. He feels strangely calm, heart quickening a little in excitement. He hadn't planned any specific words, no written note cards or rehearsed speech. But his heart is ready, and that will guide him without wavering.
"Makoto," he says softly, getting his attention. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about."
Makoto sits back a little, relaxed by Haru's earnest tone, and gives a reassuring smile. Ah, this is it, he thinks. He can see it in Haru's eyes, or maybe it was the way he spoke his name or how his eyebrows lifted slightly. Well, there's no use trying to figure out how exactly he knows, but he knows what's about to happen. He stays silent to keep the air clear for Haru.
Haru continues, confessing without hesitation to the embarrassing parts of his mind. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately. More than... normal, I guess. I know both of us have been waiting for me... for me to be ready. And I know you're willing to wait as long as that takes. But to be honest, I'm getting impatient with myself and with the way things are between us right now."
It's frustrating when he thinks about all the time they've wasted just by waiting for the perfect moment to be together—to truly be together, in the way they always knew they'd someday be. Putting it off and putting it off, again and again. Just when things seem to calm down, something else happens, and they put it off again. Haru feels like a magnet for turbulence and turmoil. He wants to apologize to Makoto for taking so long, but it's not necessary.
"It's selfish of me," Haru continues. He's about to leave for Iwatobi, and Makoto knows that he's also been thinking about taking time abroad after that. It's like he managed to pick the worst moment of all the moments, but he can't wait anymore. "It's selfish to tell you this when I'm about to be away from you. You need to know how much I want to devote all of my time to you. That's what you deserve. But... I just don't have much to give right now."
As he speaks, his resolve remains. He's not making a convincing argument for himself, but Makoto doesn't need any convincing; all he needed to hear from Haru was that he's ready.
Before Haru can open his mouth to further the rambling confession, Makoto moves forward to wrap him up in his warmth, and their bodies are suddenly pressed together. The two of them had always subconsciously left a fair bit of distance between themselves physically, and they take a moment to appreciate how wonderful it is to be embraced by each other.
Makoto sits back again and takes Haru's hands in his. He thinks he knows the touch of these hands better than anyone, and he's pleased that they're just as steady and warm as usual, with no indication of nervousness or doubt. "It's not selfish at all, Haru. Please don't worry about that. I'll gladly take as much time as you're able to give me."
Haru smiles, blushing just as much as Makoto. Though he's certain of his feelings being reciprocated, it is all a little embarrassing. "Thank you for waiting and for never rushing me. With you, I've only ever felt loved, unconditionally."
"You've made me feel the same. I love you so much." He lets out a small laugh, happy to once again say those words, knowing that Haru's going to say them back.
"Makoto, I love you."
There are few who could ever be as lucky as Haru to have someone so wonderful and understanding be by his side through everything. He closes his eyes as Makoto leans in to softly kiss his lips. Only when they part does Makoto release his hands, gently cupping Haru’s face while placing one more kiss on his forehead.
Although Makoto could easily sit and look into Haru's shining eyes while the two softly stare at each other, he can't help but think Haru's waiting for something more. It's rare when he can't quite tell what Haru's thinking, and nervous laughter precedes the unneeded apology. "Sorry, Haru... are you waiting for something else?"
"Oh. I thought you were going to say, 'My wish came true,' or something..."
"My wish? Oh! I would never waste a birthday wish on something I knew would happen!"
His seriousness makes the two of them suddenly break into laughter. Even though they can usually tell what the other is thinking, there are times when they catch each other off guard. Small moments like these feel incredibly precious, too, and Haru looks forward to continuing to surprise each other in all sorts of little ways.
"I have to ask. What did you wish for, then?"
"That the convenience store would bring back that limited edition mint chocolate chip roll cake."
Laughing again, Haru throws his arms around Makoto, wishing he could see the look on his face but not wanting to let go. He makes no effort to move even when Makoto starts to speak.
"So, you were thinking about me a lot?"
"...Yes."
"Is that what was keeping you awake last night?"
Of course he figured it out. "...Could be, I guess," Haru mumbles.
Makoto gently pushes Haru back to a sitting position in front of him. "Would it be too distracting if I stay over tonight, then?"
Haru smiles. He couldn’t be more wrong. "Actually, there's no way I'll be able to fall asleep without you here tonight."
Makoto beams with warm reassurance. "Then let's make sure we spend as much time together as we can."
Iwatobi first. After that, Europe. Then propelled into the unknown future. There were moments in the past when distance apart from Makoto would have troubled Haru, but all he feels now is complete certainty that everything will be fine. No matter the distance, no matter the time, the two of them will always end up back together.
Unspoken traditions and unspoken truths. Haru wants to lay it all bare for Makoto.
In this moment, it’s the most free he's ever felt.