Chapter Text
Spider can count on one hand the number of times he’d been told “I love you.” For being sixteen, that’s not many. He remembers in that vague way that the first few years of his life felt warm and cozy – a blanket on a chilly morning. The McCoskers had loved him so dearly for the first decade of his life. He’d been the only human child born on Pandora in ten years. Those ten years, he kept tucked into the waistband of his loincloth for those rainy days when the gravity of Pandora seemed to hold him hostage, when he felt that the sudden darkness in his soul would consume him.
It’s silly to miss the gentleness of Ms. McCosker’s voice as she tucked him into bed. Or the raspiness of Mr. McCosker’s as he sang lullabies. It was stupid. To miss those moments in the face of such tragedy. Because Spider has eyes, he can see the uncertainty Jake hid in the set of his shoulders. The way Neytiri held Tuk closer to her than she did any of her other kids when they were Tuk’s age. Spider saw all of this and wondered when the McCoskers stopped loving him.
Maybe it was when Sam was born? Squirmy and pink when Spider was eleven. Spider had never seen a human baby before, only the Na’vi children. Even then, he was never allowed to get close to them; fear kept him at arm's length.
Something changed in Mr. McCosker. He held Sam so close and started pushing Spider away. It was strange to feel the canyon opening up between him and his family. And they were his family in all but blood. They promised to care for him until he was old enough to live on his own. And maybe Spider had pulled away, spending most of his time with the Sully kids, but he always came back! Even if he loved being part of the people, he would never truly belong with them.
Then he was twelve, and the cavity in his heart grew. Sam was happy and healthy. Ms. McCosker smiled so brightly, and Spider faltered at the entry to their home. He felt a loneliness he didn’t think other kids felt, but it was a normal feeling for him. He was an in-between kid. Belonging know-where. Spider was an inconvenience on the best days—another chore on a long list of chores.
It started as most things did. With his first actual act of rebellion. Curfew.
He started spending more time with the Sullys, leaving before the first rays of light gleamed bright and gold. Only coming home when he was sure the McCoskers were asleep. It was safer that way. Slipping away into the shadows to be unseen, merely an afterthought. A footnote at the end of one of Max’s long, boring scientific essays.
When he was thirteen, the thin veil of normalcy shattered. He’d tried for so long to pretend he was okay. That he wasn’t waiting to nosedive into a free fall, hoping to die. Something was growing inside him, a tiny seed planted in his heart, its roots dug in deep. Spider could usually ignore it: the darkness and the passing thoughts. With every moment of insecurity, that seed blossomed into a carnivorous beast, nashing teeth and a drooling maw.
Spider had been humming a silly song that the Sully kids had taught him as he ran home that night. It was a work song they learned from their dad. The first Na’vi song he’d been taught! It made him feel all tingly inside, gooey and warm like the brownies Norm made on special occasions. The sky was still light, but dusk was settling in soft shadows.
He’d stopped to watch a little bug run across the ground, crawling on all fours behind it, when he heard his name shouted. He'd wanted to stomp his foot in frustration as the bug startled and ran off to hide. Spider had turned to yell his upset when a hand gripped his upper arm tightly. The look on Mr. McCosker's face was the scariest thing Spider had ever seen. It was as if twin black pools, dark and endless, had replaced his eyes.
That was the first time Spider had ever been struck. He never missed curfew again. The ache in his cheek faded fast, yet the lingering fear latched onto his soul. That tiny seed grew ever larger.
The humans came back when he was fourteen. The McCoskers became angrier. Nash McCosker hated him. Spider could no longer pretend he was loved. His rainy-day stash of happy memories became cloudy and blurry around the edges. Spider mourned the man McCosker was and the boy he never got to be. He couldn’t stand the pity in Mary McCosker’s eyes. That stupid guilt he could read so plainly on her face. You loved me, he wanted to shout. Please! You loved me.
Spider was slipping. He couldn’t see past the bruising hatred and the anger. He had so much anger resting inside him, threatening to turn him into the demon Neytiri believed him to be.
“He should not be here!” She was angry, but Neytiri was always angry around him.
“You said the same about me once, love,” Jake answered plainly. Spider could hear in his voice that this was something they argued about frequently.
“It is different! You are part of the people!” It’s what she always said. That Jake was a part of something so beautiful that she forbade Spider from ever experiencing it. Spider wanted to run until his lungs exploded. Perhaps then someone would notice him, even if he was dead.
He stayed, kneeling on the ground by the entrance, unable to leave despite the way his heart felt weak in his chest.
“How is it different?” Jake snapped at her. “I was a demon! You have to love that part of me, too!”
“He is a demon! One of the sky people!” She hissed. “Evil! It is in his blood!”
“So was I, love!” He held his hand up. “Still have that demon blood running through me, too.” His smile was remorseful, wistful. Spider knew he shouldn’t be listening. Something like anger kept his feet planted right where he was, on the outside of the Sully tent.
In between.
Spider tried. By Eywa, he tried to be good! He wanted nothing more than to make someone proud of him. To make them love him.
Spider was not meant for love.
That he was sure of.
It was his fault after all. The in-between boy with demon parents, so his core had to be rotten. Why else would the McCoskers hate him? Why else would the Sullys try their best to get rid of him?
Spider is fifteen when he decides to die.
It’s a secret Spider keeps tucked close to his chest. He’s ashamed of it. Of how it makes him feel, how weak he truly is. It’s an awful reminder that he is not part of The People. Spider is shamefully human.
When he was fifteen and dreadfully alone, he decided he didn’t want to live anymore. The other kids were moving on to take on responsibilities within the clan. Spider was stuck with nothing but himself. And besides, he told himself, they had Tuk. They would forget him, and no one would remember him after a few years anyway.
It wasn’t hard to slip away that night: a mask and a plan were his only companions. The McCoskers really didn’t care where he was as long as he checked in on occasion. So slipping into the thick canopy of trees was easy. Getting lost in the beauty of the mountains was his favorite, lit by bioluminescence.
He was breathless by the time he made it to the Tree of Souls. Eywa may not take him, but still, he would pray to her. Try to sleep within her arms and hope she will accept him. Spider lay down in the curve of roots, whispered his final goodbyes, and pulled his mask off.
Spider woke up with a headache and his mask firmly attached to his face. He remembered taking it off and laying it beside him. Yet here it was. On his face as if he had never removed. There was an ache at the base of his skull that pulsed with every step as he walked home, pausing only to catch his breath.
The McCoskers didn’t know he had been gone. And Spider never entirely forgot the aching loneliness that almost killed him.
***
It was dark.
Cold.
The air felt charged with something vicious. He was running, but legs longer than his caught up to him fast. He did know where he was. The light was distorted, and the shapes were nearly indistinguishable from one another. He fought. Trying to kick and push against the arms wrapped around his waist.
Teeth closed around his neck, tearing him open. His body fell limp and submissive against a body oddly warm in the freezing void around them. A voice hissed in his ear, low and dreadful.
“Traitor.”
He screamed himself awake. Nearly hit his head against the ceiling as he jerked awake. The blankets twisted around his body like ropes, and Spider pried them away, throwing them from the top bunk to the floor. Logically, he knew he’d get in trouble for making a mess of his room, but it was a distant worry. His heart beat an uneven rhythm in his chest, lungs heaving.
He turned to face the window, trying to regulate his breathing. It was morning. Endlessly stretching high above the top of the trees, Polyphemus and Alpha Centauri A moved across the sky. The warmth of the day was already creeping into his room, but still, he shivered as that voice rang in his ears. It's twisting, hateful hissing.
Traitor.
Him?
The harsh bang of a fist on his door forced his frozen limbs into action. He scrambled to the floor, flinging the blankets back onto the bed as his door opened. Nash stood in the doorway, face already drawn in anger. It would be a rough day. Spider must have done something bad for him to be this irritated.
“You plannin’ on sleeping all day?” Mr. McCosker asked, the rasp in his voice that once comforted Spider now sent chills down his spine.
“No, sir,” Spider muttered. He shuffled in place, skin prickling in unease. He watched wearily as Mr. McCosker scanned his room. The neat desk and shiny floors.
“What was that?” He held a hand to his ear. “That sounded like attitude. Want to try again?”
“No, sir,” Spider said louder, standing taller like he’d watched Neteyam and Lo’ak do when Jake yelled at them. “Sorry, sir.”
A hand pushed him forward by the back of his head. “Breakfast is ready. Get a move on!”
“I’m going!” He snapped as he was pushed forward again. He hunched his shoulders when he caught a glimpse of the thunder on Mr. McCosker’s face. “Sorry, sir.”
“That’s what I thought. Maybe spending time with those savages has finally taught you manners.” It was said flippantly as if it were commonplace for him to talk about the Na’vi like that.
It made Spider’s steps falter as he looked back. “What?”
Mr. McCosker ignored him, still walking toward the kitchen. Ice water dripped down his spine, freezing him in place. Every human left on Pandora loved the Na’vi and their rich culture. They loved Pandora for its rich history and diverse ecology. It’s the reason they were allowed to stay. It was a playground for scientists, Norm always said. This was a hatred Spider had never experienced before. It made his heart race and his palms clammy.
This kind of hatred was reserved only for Spider—a demon with demon parents. Mr. McCosker couldn’t hate the Na’vi! It didn't make any sense!
Before his mind could catch up to his body, Spider grabbed Mr. McCosker by the arm. “What did you say?” He wanted it to be threatening, loud, and angry. Instead, it came out quiet and confused.
“Let go of me.” It was all but snarled at him. Spider flinched back.
“I don’t understand.” He whispered. This was the man who taught him how beautiful Pandora and its people were. The same man who used to love him.
“I’ll give you the count of three, boy.”
Spider’s breath caught in his lungs; he was drowning on land. The world was narrowing, eyes unfocused as he watched Nash’s lips move.
“One.” The word rang in Spider’s ears, but he was underwater.
“Two.”
Let go! He begged his hand. Just let go!
“Three.”
Spider felt disconnected. It wasn’t him who was being dragged back to his room. It wasn’t his body being pushed to the floor. It wasn’t him being turned and manipulated until he was at the angle where that stupid belt could set fire to his body. It wasn’t him.
Because Spider was a tough kid, he wouldn’t let anyone do this to him. Right? Spider wouldn’t let Mr. McCosker beat him black and blue. He wouldn’t be so weak as to let that happen. And yet, it was him. A weak boy crying with every stinging whip against his back, thighs, and buttocks. It was Spider watching the light grow brighter as the day passed.
“Don’t come back here until you learn some humility, boy!”
Spider came back to himself when the door slammed shut. He cried brokenly into his hands, body shaking with adrenaline and such overwhelming fear he thought it was seeping into the floor. No amount of scrubbing could ever wash it away. He had to get out. Had to leave this place behind. Forever, if he could, he watched the time tick on his alarm until he was sure it was safe to go.
The scientists were definitely awake by now. Spider could spend the day with them. They always had little jobs for him to complete. Anything to keep him busy. To draw his mind away from the humiliation that burned him from the inside out.
It hurt to pull himself to his feet. At least this time, he didn’t break skin, Spider thought, twisting his body with a hiss as he checked the damage in the mirror. He wiped a few stray tears from his face. Trying to pretend he wasn’t falling apart.
Maybe once he was loved.
Maybe.
***
When he was seven, Norm took him to the Tree of Souls to watch TukTirey connect to Eywa for the first time. It was beautiful and so special, and for the first time, Spider realized he would never have that. Norm had to carry him back to Base Camp as Spider was crying so hard he couldn’t walk. Norm had cradled Spider close as he sobbed into the crook of his neck.
A thought nagged at him every day afterwards. It was something Spider had never worried about before. What about his day of life? Spider was born to a mother and father, so didn’t he deserve a day of celebration just like Neteyam, Lo’ak, Kiri, and now Tuk? Was he not worthy of celebration? It didn’t seem fair, and his little seven-year-old self was frustrated and hurt. Everyone on this planet celebrated being born, but Spider!
So he asked Norm. Who sent him away with stuttered words and anxious hands. Max was just as unhelpful. Someone had to know something!
The answer came in the form of a little box tucked away in an old closet. Spider was exploring the Base as he was ‘grounded’ after ‘accidentally’ breaking something in the lab. Technically, he was supposed to stay in his room, but that was boring, and he figured as long as he stayed inside, it was fine. So it was in that room that his body fractured and fell apart.
The day of Spider’s birth was not a day of celebration. His birth was a death day. Nothing was welcoming about his birth, and consequently, his life after. He could hear Neytiri’s voice ringing in his ears. Hear the screams of something he would never forget, but had never experienced.
Spider ran to Max in tears, sobbing hysterically into his chest. “I’m bad?” He’d asked when he caught his breath.
“What? No!” Max had tried to reassure him. “You’re good, Spider. A good kid.”
That’s what Jake always called him after Neytiri called him a demon, but Spider could only shake his head. “Demon. She’s right!” He punched Max’s chest in insecure anger. “She’s right! I’m a demon!”
Max sat him down, holding his arms down at his side. “Spider! Calm down!”
Spider could only cry, shaking his head desperately between bouts of big, heaving sobs of despair. He felt so repulsed, like he was something disgusting and undeserving of the breath Ewya had given to him.
“Follow my breath, Spider,” Max said softly. Max pulled his hand to rest against his chest. “Like this.”
It took a long time before Spider could breathe again. His tears dried into occasional drops that clung to his lashes. “What’s going on, kid?” Max asked. Spider hiccuped, rubbing his eyes with his hands. It was then Spider noticed the other scientists pretending not to listen, his face flushing with shame.
Max scooped him up and carried him away from prying eyes, shushing him when his cries started back up, sitting him down on his bed. “Hey.” He pushed Spider’s hair out of his face. “I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”
“He’s my dad.” Spider sniffled. “That man is my dad!”
Max pulled him into his lap. “Oh, Spider.” That was all he could whisper as Spider’s cries began anew. Max tried not to cry as he listened to Spider’s little voice call himself a demon over and over.
It took Norm and Max a few months to convince Spider he wasn’t bad. It took even longer for Spider to believe it. It took Spider nearly a year before he finally left Hell’s Gate to visit the Na’vi to the relief of the kids and the dismay of the adults.
The McCoskers stopped tucking him into bed after that. A demon child finally treated like a demon.
***
The sky was growing dark as he made his way through the thick canopy of foliage. Bioluminescence began to light a path for him as he hiked his way along to High Camp. He was hoping to make it before night settled completely, as he really didn’t want to listen to another lecture from Norm or Max about being out after dark and the dangers of blah blah blah.
He didn’t want to live with the stupid McCoskers. They were dumb and stupid and had so many rules! He kicked a rock as he walked along the path to high camp, grumbling to himself about stupid adults. Spider hopped from root to root as he moved about the forest. Scaling the familiar path with practiced ease despite the aching in his back.
He was sixteen! He's plenty old enough to live by himself. He’d basically been doing it for years anyway, so how hard could it really be?
Spider stopped to wipe sweat from his forehead; it was hot today. There was something off about the way the air felt. It was heavy, foreboding. He could see Norm in his Avatar, walking steadily beside Jake, which was weird since Norm should have already been inside for the night. He scowled as he watched them, confused and only hurting a little bit.
Or a lot.
It had started small. Spider could handle the shoves and the insults. He heard them enough from the elders of the Omatikaya. Besides, Spider had heard Jake use similar language to scold his boys. It was normal. Spider could handle it.
It stung sometimes, but he was a tough kid. It was the only positive thing anyone had ever said about him, and it was fine. Spider was totally fine. So why did it hurt him so bad? Why did his chest ache every time he watched the Sullys together? Why did stepping into the McCoskers' house feel so overwhelming?
He tried to hide his flinch as his shirt rubbed against a bruise. He watched them until Jake disappeared inside his tent and Norm made his way back to the Avatar camp. Around him, High Camp was settling down for the night. He stood on the outskirts of the clan, ignoring the looks thrown his way. Always an outsider. Even with his own kind.
Spider hissed. An angry sound, trying to hold back his tears. He sniffled anyway because while he didn’t love his foster family, they were all he had. Now it was just him.
Don’t you come back until you learn some humility, boy!
At least for tonight. The panic was building, slow and steady in his stomach. He felt on the verge of being sick, tummy rumbling with anxiety. He took a shaky breath to settle his heart. Tried not to break in front of people who already thought him weak.
Spider was hoping he’d be able to stay with Norm or Max tonight, or even with the Sullys. Maybe if he proposed a sleepover? Tuk was always disappointed and teary-eyed if Neytiri said no. It usually got Tuk anything she wanted. He felt only slightly guilty at the idea of using Tuk for his own benefit, but hey, beggars and whatever it was that Jake always said.
He tugged at his shirt, trying to act as normal as possible as he noticed a few curious glances his way. It wasn’t often he wore sky people clothing, but the bruising across his body made it impossible not to wear the restrictive clothing. It made him self-conscious in a way he usually wasn’t.
However, the fewer questions, the better it would be for him when he went back to the McCosker’s. Mr. McCosker hated questions.
He found the Sullys right where he expected them. Surrounding the small fire in their tent, the warm smell of cooking food and excited laughter felt like a soothing balm on his heart. Spider stopped at the entrance, face flushing with something similar to nervousness as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He can’t think of a single time he’s ever been to High Camp in sky people clothes. If Mr. McCosker was rougher than usual, Spider often just stayed in. Feigning illness or headaches.
Anything to settle Kiri. She worried about him, and he loved that. But it was hard to lie to her. It made him feel icky. Like something slimy was coating his tongue. Spider almost wished that was the case tonight. A white lie, and no one would bat an eye because it was just Spider. The tough kid who got bruised and battered trying to keep up with the Na’vi kids. Not because his foster parents hated him.
Spider glanced back the way he came, starting to doubt himself. He stared at the entrance to the Sully family tent. It would be so easy just to leave and pretend this never happened, as if he had never been here. Staying in the forest wasn’t appealing, but the idea of sitting as an outsider to a happy family dinner was starting to make his chest hurt.
He startled as the tent was flung open and Kiri reached out to pull him inside, “Spider! Come sit!”
“Why’re you lurking outside like a weirdo?” Lo’ak asked as he kicked a leg out, trying to trip Spider as he was dragged past. Spider hissed playfully as he dodged Lo’ak’s flailing leg. He could see the disdain coloring Neytiri’s face and tried to grow smaller inside an already too-big world, curling his shoulders even as the movement tugged on fresh wounds.
The frown on Neytiri’s face only seemed to grow.
Inside was just as soothing as it had been outside, yet bile filled his mouth as he looked at Kiri’s hand, wrapped so gently around his wrist. He forced his hands not to shake. Not here. Various voices called out his name and a greeting. Jake gave him a pat on the back as Kiri dragged him past, and Spider tried to keep the pain off his face.
He knew he had failed, as Lo’ak eyed him strangely, his face doing that thing it did when confronted with something he didn’t understand. The same look Spider knows Jake is mirroring.
“Dude, are you okay?” Lo’ak asked as he scooped soup into a bowl. “You’re seriously pale.”
“Paler than normal.” Neteyam teased. He reached around Kiri to tug Spider closer. “Still pink.” He concluded after examining him closely. Spider flopped down beside him, tucked between Neteyam and Kiri. The bowl Lo’ak filled was pressed into his hands. He tried to avoid looking at Neytiri, fearing what he would find there—more anger, but this time deadlier.
“Ha ha.” Spider deadpanned, pushing Neteyam’s shoulder with his hand. “Very funny.”
Spider turned to answer Lo’ak. Ready to spin tales of how he was fine, how he hadn’t been practicing all the lies he could tell to keep prying eyes to themselves. Everyone had their own worries. A stupid demon child who was injured wasn’t even at the top of the list.
“What are you wearing?” Neytiri asked instead. The lies died on his lips, staining his mouth with ink.
“Oh- um? Clothes?” His surprise made him sloppy, unable to think as his mind tripped over itself at this unexpected hurdle.
“Yes, I can see that, but why?” She was confused. Spider could see it mirrored on the faces around him, as if they had just noticed the fabric.
“I was cold?” Which was a lie. He was sweating in the sweatpants and t-shirt he had thrown on.
“You were cold?” She sounded skeptical. Holding her hand out as if to test his forehead. He flinched away, her hand curling back toward her body. He didn’t like the look that she and Jake shared over the fire. “You should not be here if you are sick.”
“Yes?” He hesitated. “And I’m not sick! Just cold!” Was the air getting thinner? It was hard to draw air into his shrinking lungs.
“Hmm.” She hummed, eyes narrowed. “Lies. Change. Kiri and I made you a new tewng.” She motioned her daughter to the chest in the corner.
“Mom! Ugh!” Kiri groaned, then got up. “I wanted to be the one to tell him!”
Neytiri just hummed softly as her daughter grumbled her discontent. Tuk smiled at him brightly.
“You’ll love it! Kiri and mommy have been working on it forever!”
Jake laughed as he ruffled her hair. “I think forever is a little long.” To Spider, he said, “You mentioned your other one was starting to wear down. We thought it’d be nice to have a new one.”
“Oh.” Was all Spider could choke out as Kiri handed him the new tewng. It was beautiful. Brown and green, it felt like he was holding something precious. He leaned down close to it, trying to hide his face behind a curtain of dreads.
His hands shook as he trailed his fingers along the tightly woven material, shimmering in the fire's light. It was the first time anyone had ever given him a gift.
“You made this for me?” He stared at Neytiri in disbelief. “Thank you!”
“Change,” Neytiri repeated, using the voice she used on her children. Spider could only stare at her in shock. She never used that voice on him. The one that was firm, but gentle with love.
“What? No!” Slipped out before he could stop it. Mr. McCosker’s voice was ringing in his ears. You think anyone cares, boy? They’ll just think you’re weak and useless—more than they already do.
“No?” Jake said, surprise lacing his voice. He eyed Neytiri over Tuk’s head, confused and concerned over the obvious fear painting the boy's face. Jake could see the war raging inside Spider. He hated how much he saw himself in that fear.
Kiri grew sad, turning big, worried eyes on him. “Do you not like it?”
Spider shook his head violently, clutching it to his chest as if someone would reach out and take it from him. “What? No, it's beautiful!”
“But you don’t want to wear it?” Neytiri asked. Spider nodded. “Take off your shirt.”
“Baby, maybe we -“ Jake started as Spider started to stammer excuses.
Neytiri hissed. “He is hiding something. My children do not lie to me.”
Now it was Spider’s turn to grow confused, tilting his head. “But I’m not your child?”
“I have made many mistakes, Spider.” She replied. She stood before the fire, all deadly line and angles. She trailed a hand along Jake’s shoulders as she moved toward Spider. He felt rooted to the floor even as his body screamed to run. Neteyam tensed beside him. “I will fix them.”
“Baby-” Jake started as Neytiri pulled her knife from its sheath. It glinted in the fire's light. Spider felt far away, disconnected.
Neytiri turned to Jake sharply. “We discussed this, Ma Jake.”
“I’m starting to think we talked about different things!”
“Bah!” She dismissed him, turning back to a petrified Spider. She knelt before him, reaching a hand up to her head. Jake started to move but paused midway, her name falling from his lips in a mere whisper.
Spider startled. “Ms. Sully! No!”
A hand held him back. Kiri only smiled at him. “Settle, Spider. It is okay.”
She held her knife under her tswin. Spider could only watch in muted horror. “It would be an honor to have you as a son.” His body felt so cold. Spider’s eyes flicked to Jake, who was watching his wife with so much adoration that it made his throat tight.
“I have made many mistakes. Treated you in a way I would never wish my children to be treated. You are a Sully.” She took a deep breath, and Spider watched her fingers tremble. “I did not See.” Kiri gasped beside him, clutching his hand tight enough to break it. “My eyes are clear, Spider. I See You.”
Spider shook his head. He watched her grip tighten on her blade's handle, knew she was serious in her words, even as his mind tripped over itself to find the lie. “You don’t mean that!”
“No. Nonononono.” Jake moved toward him, sitting before him and leaning to be level with Spider. “We do.” Jake took his face in his hands, forcing Spider to look him in the eyes. “We want you, Spider.”
Spider had always wondered what it would be like to be wanted and had dreamed every night of having a family who loved him with no strings attached. He’d given up on that dream when the sky people came back. Gave up on the idea of being loved when he found out who his biological parents were. All Spider had ever wanted was to be seen.
To be wanted.
“I see you,” Jake stressed, fingers leaving his forehead. “I see you, son.”
A gentle hand stroked down his dreads. “I see you, Spider.” Neytiri smiled down at him. She placed a kiss on his hair. Spider remembered the picture of his mother, taped to the ceiling above his bed. She had a bright smile and flowing blonde hair. Would she have kissed him so gently? Loved him enough to threaten her connection to everything so important to her.
The tears started, and Spider couldn’t stop them. He fell into Jake’s arms with a soft wail. Jake shushed him gently, rocking them back and forth. It felt like ages before he finally stopped crying, sobs petering out into sniffles. He felt hollowed out. Numb in a way that was so familiar and yet so different from the night he took his mask off.
He hissed as a hand ran down his back. Jake pulled him back to look at him. “Spider, I need you to be honest with me.” He stressed. “Does McCosker abuse you?”
Spider held the unfamiliar word in his mouth, testing the weight of it. “Abuse?”
“Does he hurt you, Spider?”
Spider wasn’t sure how to answer that. Sure, Mr. McCosker hurt him, but wasn’t it a normal thing? He shook his head slowly. “He punishes me sometimes, but that’s normal, right? I mean, he says it’s normal on Earth, and I’m human, and I-”
“Spider.” Neytiri interrupted him gently. “May we see your back? It seems like it hurts you.”
“Mr. McCosker gets mad if -”
“Let us deal with him, alright?” Jake said. “Let us help you, son.”
Spider nodded slowly. He turned to Neteyam, a constant, solid presence at his side. “Can you help me?”
With Neteyam’s help, Spider pulled the shirt off. He wanted to run and hide, just as he used to when he was small. But Neteyam held his hands firmly, and Kiri kept a hand on his knee, giving him that same gentle smile. Jake inhaled sharply as he looked Spider over, trying and failing to hide his anger. It was Neytiri’s hiss that made him flinch, however. The sound of her rage was never good for him. Usually ending with him running back to the McCoskers in near tears.
But this time she left the tent entirely, body one tense line of barely concealed fury. Spider moved to follow her, to apologize for whatever he had done. Jake’s hand on his chest kept him still. “Stay. I’ll go check on her.”
He stood with a groan that made Tuk giggle, though watery. “We’ll be back. Don’t leave this tent.” He gave a pointed look at Lo’ak, who threw his hands up in surrender.
“I wasn’t even planning on leaving!” He made a face at his dad’s retreating back.
Spider watched Jake’s retreating form, eyes filling with tears once more. Tuk wrapped her arms around him, teary-eyed. He held her close as the sobs began again, laying his head on Neteyam’s shoulder as Kiri ran her fingers through his dreads.
Lo’ak wrapped his hand around Spider’s ankle, squeezing it three times. Spider held a hand out to him as he hiccuped, feeling so small in the face of such strong emotions. Lo’ak gripped his hand like a lifeline.
I love you. He wanted to scream. I love all of you so much.
***
The Na’vi had no word for harm done to children. It was unprecedented. Children were precious gifts from Eywa. “How could a parent do that, ma Jake?”
Jake only stared back at his wife helplessly, unable to find the words. “I don’t know, baby.”
She hissed. “I am going to tear him apart! Feed him to the palakulan! Alive!” Her knees hit the ground before Jake could reach her. “Eywa, forgive me!”
And Jake could only hold her as she cried into his neck. Sorrow for a boy that she had never cared for. “We got him now.” He said, voice thick with tears. “We got him.”
He listened to her grief crescendo, raw in its intensity. Oh, great mother. Oh, great mother! Neytiri pleaded. Jake held her strong as her sorrow ripped through him. She felt his tears drip into her hair. They rocked together on a razor’s edge, one footfall away from disaster.
Neytiri pulled away and gripped his face lovingly. She wiped the tears away with her thumb, tearing up again at Jake's watery smile. “We must bring him with us.”
“Sully’s stick together.” He replied.