Work Text:
Phoenix Drop gets hot this time of year. That’s what Aphmau remembers as they drive into town, car AC on full blast and the windows rolled down. Her head rests on her arms, a blur of concrete walls covered in vines, trees towering over the highways.
It’s pretty though, she thinks. The car halts at a red light, Aphmau half considers getting out her phone and taking a photo but she can’t. A small box on her lap stops that thought. “Amá, how long ‘til we get there?” She asks.
Her mother, exhausted from the many hours of traveling they’ve done in the past twenty-four hours, sighs. “Ay, Mija. Look at the damn GPS, will you?” The car rumbles and they drive forward.
Aphmau rolls her eyes, but glances at the center console. 0:31, she reads. Bubbles of anxiety pop in her stomach, the time on the map more like T-31 on a time bomb. What if Phoenix Drop is nothing like she remembers? What if the people she left behind are nothing like she remembers?
It was hard to keep in contact with her brothers with the time difference and school and taking care of her grandparents and little cousins. She would call Garroth occasionally, text Zane about the latest My Little Pony episodes, or mail letters to Vylad, as that was his preferred form of communication. Though their conversations were so few and far between, what if they don’t even get along like they used to?
A deep breath registers in her chest and she shuts her eyes. It’s dumb. She knows. The way she’s worrying, but she can’t help it. Her mind wanders, listening to the faint music on the radio, pulling familiar faces to the front of her mind. Yet she can’t seem to settle the sick feeling in her stomach. Aphmau knows what would, who would, but after all she can’t reach her phone.
Her heart lurches and her hand flattens on the box, inhaling deeply she shakes the thought. They aren’t too far away. Aphmau briefly opens her eyes, 0:24.
She closes her eyes again, recalling old memories of pirate ships built out of cushions and pillows, her breath slowing into rest.
Her nap ends abruptly when she realises the car isn’t moving anymore.
Everything is blurry, she rubs her eyes and blinks around. Upon seeing their new house for the first actual time, worry settles in her stomach. It’s bigger than she thought it was, and coming from a house full of people all the time… it was gonna feel empty. At least until the Ro’meaves start coming around, that thought lazily splitting her lips into a smile.
“Aphmau!” She hears her mother’s voice from outside the car and straightens up, “get your lazy butt outside the car and help me get these boxes in now!”
Aphmau grumbles but shifts the box off her lap and onto the center console, unbuckling her belt she lazily slides out the car. Leaning forward to grab the box, she heaves it over her seat and back into her arms. Although she attempts to stand fully straight, the weight tips her back. Hopping unsteadily, her foot extends hard to kick the door shut. A weak effort to grab her phone from her pocket almost makes her fall over.
“Aphmau! Keep your dirty shoes off the car!” Her mother chastises, annoyance falling off her words like heavy rain. “And put away your phone.”
“Sorry Mamá…” Aphmau mutters, sheepishly waddling into the garage and placing the box down onto the floor. She peers over her shoulder to her mom who shakes her head and says something in Spanish under her breath.
“Just—” her mom sighs, “help me finish up moving the boxes in, okay?”
Agreeing softly, she ignores the heavy pull tugging her heart and steps around the car to the trunk. There’s a couple of boxes in the way of hers, pushing a couple out the way, one box simply labeled APHMAU catches her eye. Curiosity sparks in her hands, unable to remember this box or what’s in it since there’s no label except her name. But it’s been over a year, so that makes sense. Wrapping her arms around a box of kitchenware, she makes a mental note to check what’s in it later.
Groaning, Aphmau flops onto her bed. She’d only briefly seen her room, too exhausted to properly look. Plain lavender painted walls, barren of posters and life. The brand new frame her mother had gotten Garroth to build, bland without colourful stickers or marks of time. Her heart thrums, a sadness seeping in. Aphmau misses their old house, her old room, she knew they wouldn’t get it back after they moved, but she wishes that wasn’t true. Her feet kick into the mattress.
It’s comfy, nowhere near how her room at her grandparents felt, but warm. Soft black sheets and plush purple pillows, the matching duvet not yet thrown across. Everything feels empty… some sort of abnormal absence. Aphmau jumps up, all her plushies are missing! Sitting in boxes and her travel backpack. Craning to see all the boxes, she frowns and tries to remember which one they’re packed into.
Boxes are sprawled across the wooden floors, packed with stuff like blankets, clothes, and items she couldn’t pack in a suitcase to bring to Kar’nos. As she pushes herself off her bed, her arms collapse beneath her. Rubbing her achy muscles, a part of her wishes her mom had just hired those movers she thought about. But Sylvanna, ever the cheapskate, said it was a waste of money when they could do it themselves.
Rolling off her bed with minimal effort, she lands on the ground with a thud. Making a noise of effort as she sits up slightly, she sees the box with her name on it and remembers. It’s a little far away so she has to lean forward and pull the box towards her.
They had taped the boxes shut, keeping the flaps down for security which Aphmau can now ignore. Her hands find the edge of the box and she rips it open. Unphased by the minimal force it took, Aphmau was used to being much stronger than first suspected. Beating boys in arm wrestles and tackling her brothers to the ground always came easily to her.
Huh?
Expectations wilt when she pushes open the box and realises what’s packed in is a variety of… books? Large, red, leather-bound books. She shifts through them and partially lifts them, unsure about recognising them. A hum settles in throat as she picks up the first book on the top and sets it gently on her lap.
Flicking through the pages, it’s all photos of her when she was younger. Much younger. There’s captures she doesn’t even remember seeing before, memories she’d forgotten. Her with her mom, her cousins, her grandparents, some people she doesn’t recognise, but resemble her in certain aspects, and…her dad.
A paperweight tied onto her heart drops into her stomach. For a moment, Aphmau feels sick. Tears well into her eyes and her throat feels thick. She doesn’t remember her dad much, some faint memories of her parents laughing and joking. Ice cream in the park on weekends, aquariums during the summer. Her mouth fills with a bitter taste and she slams the picture album shut.
Shakily she takes it off her lap, considering putting it away and forgetting about all of this. But as she’s setting it back, she places it to the side of the box, then dips into the books without hesitation. Some kind of external force whispers in her ear and tells her to give in.
Equally sized to the first book. Her fingers stumble over the pages. It’s mostly her and some kids who look like they’re her age in the images. She keeps glancing through the pages until— “Garroth!” Aphmau laughs, looking at a photo of her and Garroth napping on the Ro’meaves old couch. She smiles and shakes her head, continuing through the pages. Some of her and Zane or Vylad, or the three of them. The beaming smile on her face falls a little, the four of them are in one photo, but with a bunch of other kids she doesn’t recognise.
Aphmau finds herself in the center of the photo, Garroth to her right, Zane next to him, and Vylad on her other side. Next to Vylad, her thumb drifts over a white haired boy sandwiched between two blue haired boys. On the other side of Zane, there’s another girl, one with blue hair, and a taller brunette girl next to her. And at the very end of the right side of the photo is a black haired boy, distanced from the rest of them. They seem close, most of them caught in laughter or bright smiles. Some of the younger boys looked clearly tired and distracted.
She squints at the image, sighing. It’s probably some old friends of her dads, maybe Garroth would remember them. Aphmau thumbs the page—
“Oh Aphmau, I’ve been searching everywhere for you.” Aphmau flattens her palm to the page and raises her head, her mother leaning against the doorframe. Her mother’s eyes are closed, head pointed to the ground. “I thought you might’ve been in the garage but when I went to check you—nevermind, I’m glad you’re in here.” She rambles.
Aphmau wrinkles her nose, “Uhm, Amá? Are you okay?”
Her mother nods, “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for being short with you today—Irene knows that’s a problem in our family tree—I was tired from traveling and got irritable, though I know you were too.” She opens her eyes to look at Aphmau, warmth and motherly love holding her closely. “I always try my best not to snap at you, but I know I cannot excuse it. I’m sorry, Aphmau.” Her mother starts to walk over to her bed and sits, resting a hand on Aphmau’s shoulder.
“I know, Amá.” Aphmau murmurs under her breath. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Mija.” Sylvanna squeezes Aphmau’s shoulder. “Now, what are you—”
An eerie shiver climbs up Aphmau’s spine at the sudden silence. “Amá, what’s wrong?”
Her mother’s voice turns steely cold. “Aphmau, put that away. Now.”
Panicked and confused, Aphmau hurries. She places the photo album back at the top of the pile and picks up the other one on the ground to do the same. She opens her mouth, only to immediately be spoken over. “Oh Irene!” Her mother laughs, high and strained, and stands, stepping towards the picture album box, “where did you find this box?”
Aphmau’s eyebrows furrow, “It has my name on it and—”
Her mother grabs and holds it to her chest, “Must’ve been a mistake, don’t worry, Aphmau, I’ll take care of it.”
Aphmau watches helplessly as the images of her childhood fade away while her mother crosses her bedroom. She looks down to her empty lap, where the book once was, then up to her mother, who had once again paused in her doorway. “It’s late, you should go to bed.” Her mother hesitates, “Goodnight, Aphmau. Sleep well.”
She watches as her mother turns and steps quietly out her room. Silence rings in her ears, her empty hands begging to turn more pages, as if she might remember something she doesn’t even know yet. It’s an odd feeling, one that bursts with a buzz at her shoulder blades.
It takes a while but eventually Aphmau stands from her spot on the floor and flops onto her bed, reaching for her dying phone on the far pillow. Her fingers fumble to touch it but eventually clutch it against her palm and flip it over. She smiles and warmth rushes to her heart
FC ;P [10:29PM]
⤷ Hey Shu!
⤷ Kinda miss you, how are you handling moving?
Her heart beats gently against her ribcage and she giggles. FC texts always seemed to come whenever she was feeling down. Not that she minded.
Shu [10:43PM]
fc! ⤶
i miss you too :) ⤶
FC ;P [10:43PM]
⤷ :)
Shu [10:44PM]
moving has been so exhausting… ⤶
you have NO idea ⤶
FC ;P [10:44PM]
⤷ Could I try to make you feel better somehow?
Shu [10:45PM]
well ⤶
probably not right now ⤶
i’m about to go to bed, actually heh ⤶
FC ;P [10:45PM]
⤷ Oh, that’s alright!
Shu [10:46PM]
but tomorrow, if you’re free… ⤶
dungeon?!?! ⤶
[10:54PM]
fc? you okay? ⤶
FC ;P [10:58PM]
⤷ Yeah, sorry
⤷ My dad walked in and got mad at me for being on my phone so late.
[reply to: “dungeon…”]
⤷ DUH!
⤷ Dungeon always!!
Shu [10:58PM]
i’m sorry fc :/ i hope youre okay, ⤶
sounds like he’s being a jerk ⤶
im really tired so goodnight !! ⤶
FC ;P [10:59PM]
⤷ I’m always okay when I’m talking to you. [💜]
⤷ Night Shu!
Aphmau clicks off her phone and sets it next to her. She kicks her feet against the sheets, lips pulling together warmly. Though she doesn’t have a top blanket she’s too tired and hot to care. Closing her eyes slowly, she reaches for a pillow and brings it between her arms. Resting her forehead on the cover, imagining it’s a soft shirt she’s burying herself into. “Night…” she murmurs to nobody, her heartbeat slowing to a steady thudding.