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Sasuke thought Naruto had always been his best friend. Well, apart from when they had hated each other as kids. He had assumed Naruto felt the same, since that's what they always called each other. Sasuke was grateful to have a friend like him. He doubted anyone else would have done even half of what Naruto did for him.
He had, once again been invited, to a party this time. It was Hinatas birthday. Of course, a big event for the Hyuga clan. So they had even invited Sasuke since, despite his terrible reputation, he still was a clan head and expected to attend.
If he was honest, Sasuke hated to be called clan head. Even if he had been next in line after Itachi, it felt off putting. More like he'd solely gotten the role through the process of elimination. Which was also true to some degree. It just felt cruel to say. Especially, knowing that he would have rather given the title to quite literally anyone else.
Either way, he was invited as clan head, so he had come as clan head in his proper attire.
He hated formal attire. It made his stump of an arm prove itself as painfully useless once again, which forces him to ask someone for help.
Kakashi, who he usually asked to help him because he didn't bother with unnecessary commentary, had been busy, so out of Naruto and Sakura Sasuke had picked the latter, much to her surprise.
"You're asking me for this? Why not Naruto?" She asked, draping and tying off his clothes carefully.
She had also been made up very nicely, with traditional wear and her hair braided into a bun and decorated with white flower pins that honored her name.
Sasuke was glad her eyes were focused on her hands. He wouldn't have been able to face her looking at him.
"I don't really know. Naruto has been acting weird lately. I wonder if he doesn't enjoy my company anymore." Saying it out loud this way really hurt more than just having thought about it all this time.
Naruto had created a certain amount of distance between them ever since Sasuke had graduated to next lessened safety measure against him, that almost enabled him to live normally. He didn't even have any anbu around him anymore.
It had occured to him, that maybe Naruto had just done the necessary work to make Sasuke into a somewhat accepted member of Konohas society.
He didn't like to admit that that thought took up too many hours being toyed around with in his mind.
Sakura though, she looked up from the fabric she was working on and shot him a ridiculing glare. "That boy is obsessed with you. Hell will freeze over before he stops enjoying your company." She huffed and pulled the knot a little too tight around Sasukes body. He chose to pass up on a comment about that.
"But then why would he avoid me? Naruto doesn't just avoid people unless he stops liking them. You know him as well as I do.. honestly maybe even better than me." He added, considering the years he had been gone. His fingers found his long sleeve and promptly picked at it. Sakura flicked at his fingers, softly but firm.
"Well... Naruto has been thinking a lot lately," the girls eyes widened meaningfully, trying to convey a message that Sasuke couldn't understand. She sighed. "He probably just has a lot on his mind." She finally settled and patted his shoulders comraderly. "I suggest that you talk to him." She gave him a little bit of a forced smile. "Anyway, since I helped you dress, escort me to the event." She held her arm out.
Sasuke immediately complied to the demand. He didn't mind Sakuras bluntness at all. It was refreshing. Even if he had been back for a few years now, he still regularly admired the change Sakuras character had gone through. Truthfully, he used to find her annoying when they were younger. But so did he find Naruto back then as well. To be fair, he had thought of everyone as dead weight at that time.
Just as much as Sakura changed, Naruto also had also been painted by experiences, and Sasuke himself as well.
None of them were the annoying children from back then anymore, fresh out of the academy.
As Sasuke and Sakura walked to the Hyuga compound together, he figured by the stares of the civilians, that he really had only been invited out of formal reasons.
Even if the incident at the restaurant where everyone had just up and left, lied back a few months, he didn't feel like very much about their attitudes towards him had changed.
"You're quiet." Sakura finally spoke.
"Isn't that the norm for me?" Sasuke replied dryly. Neither of them were looking at each other during the exchange.
"To a degree. But I can tell you're thinking too much about something again." Her silken sleeve shuffled against his.
"Hmm." He hummed, glancing at her from the side. She had picked a pink Kimono fitting to her haircolor. "I suppose you're not quite wrong. You're perceptive."
She huffed with a smile. "Obviously I am."
Sasuke paused before he carefully pronounced his next question. "Do you know what Naruto has on his mind?" It embarassed him a little to ask but he'd rather ask and feel settled with an answer than keep squirming for the truth.
Sakura gave him a sharp, dissapointed look and shook her head. "For someone so intelligent, you're really dumb Sasuke. Actually, I take that back. You're not intelligent. You're an idiot."
"Huh- huh?" Sasuke stammered. His shoe caught on a rock and he stumbled a little. She pulled him up. "Why?" He asked. "Did I do something wrong?" Was it obvious to everybody but him?
"Look," Sakuras hand felt heavy in his arm "Naruto is unable to ignore you for long. He'll come out and say it soon, even if it kills him." She explained in a tone that was supposed to calm him but it only made him more nervous.
Nervosity is something he'd been fighting a lot with lately.
"It's already killing me though." Sasuke retorted but the pink haired girl only shrugged.
Their conversation was cut short when they finally arrived at the birthday venue.
The Hyuga estate was decorated festively in whites and purples and was filled with people. In the middle of the tumult was Hinata herself, dressed in a lilac Kimono. Her hair was pinned up elaborately and decorated with a few, simple golden pins.
And she was talking to Naruto.
Naruto had tamed his mess of hair into something that he kept back with a thin, black headband and was dressed in a mulled red Kimono that his cousin had gifted him a year back. He looked good. He looked really good. And he looked good together with Hinata.
Sasuke looked away, down at where Sakuras hand rested on his arm. Seeing Naruto talk so animated with Hinata made something bitter and bad churn in his stomach.
Sakura noticed immediately. Because of course she did. "Sasuke?" She nudged him slightly and followed the path his eyes had taken. Again, she sighed, but only quietly. Sasuke almost believed he wasn't supposed to have heard it. "They're good friends." She put on another expression that he couldn't read.
"They are." He agreed. "Very good friends..." His eyes swept back to the pair. They were still talking, Hinatas hand on Narutos arm. They looked close. Sasuke wondered how close they had gotten while he had been gone. And how far they might've gone. Then again, that was impolite to think about.
"Sakura. How long until the main ceremony is over?" After the first few speeches, he could probably shunshin back home and no one would notice. Not like anyone wanted him here to begin with. He was only a part of this event on account of being a clan head.
"It hasn't even started yet. Be patient." Sakura answered in a strong tone and dragged him along, into the crowd.
Not to Naruto and Hinata, which Sasuke was grateful for.
"Do you want to go to Shikamaru? He's at the table by the porch." Sakura suggested, already leading him there.
"As long as I don't have to be the one holding the conversation." Sasuke retorted, eyes still periodically drifting back to Hinata and Naruto. They looked so close. They touched each other so casually. It felt defeating. This is what he had lost in those years he'd been gone.
He sat down with Sakura and Shikamaru, briefly greeted him and watched the tradition unfold. Speeches by her cousin and herself passed by like time wasn't even ticking. At some point, her father stepped up to the front to hold his own speech. Sasuke turned to Sakura, barely listening. "Sakura, what else is going to be part of the ceremony until I can leave?" He whispered. Shikamaru flinched in his direction but ultimately kept his eyes on Hinatas father.
"It's first a speech from Hinata, then from a close family member, then the parents, or in Hinas case, only one parent. I think her father is going to call on one person he thinks is good as a future partner for Hina to also hold a speech." Sakura hesitated. "I'm not sure if it was someone he would like to be her future partner or someone she chose. Either way they probably sat down together and decided on someone who was told in advance. I think after that you're free to leave." She whispered back and Sasuke nodded. Half an hour and he could go.
He listened only with one ear to the speech, zoning out with his eyes on the table when a name being called ripped him out of his trance.
"...Naruto, you've been a good man and you have proved yourself to everyone in this village. Please come up here."
Sasuke looked up, eyes wide, searching for Narutos red Kimono in the crowd, beelining towards the porch where the speeches were held.
His head snapped to Sakura. "Naruto?" He hissed but she looked equally as confused, eyes trained on their friend. "I didn't know about this." She carefully seized his hand. He gratefully squeezed back.
Naruto walked up to the porch, situating himself in front of the crowd. He looked flustered, face dusted pink and ears red, fumbling with his fingers behind his back as he began talking.
"I- well, first of all I would like to congratulate Hinata. Happy birthday! Uhm, I appreciate being called on like this, I know it means a lot." He turned to look at Hinata with a smile. Sasuke thought he might be sick. "Hinata, you are such an amazing and fun person. You've never judged anyone before they had a chance to prove themselves and you always take care of everyone to your best abilities. We've probably done countless missions together by now and all I can say are positive things. You're a great person Hinata. And let yourself be celebrated!" Naruto grinned and applause ensued. To Sasuke it was all just noise.
"I'm leaving." He stood up. Sakura briefly tugged at his wrist but quickly let go. "Sasuke, the ceremony isn't over yet-"
"It's fine. No one will notice anyway." His feet walked him out of the venue and behind the building, as discreetly as being a ninja has taught him, and raised his hand in a shunshin sign, teleporting himself as far away as he could at once. He made it only halfway across town, teleporting twice more until he was at his home in the uchiha compound. It was where they had allowed him to move back to after his house arrest. He figured it played into their cards to not have a criminal living in the common streets of Konoha.
Walking up the steps sometimes still felt like poison in the form of blood, seeping through his soles of his feet and up into his body. Living here was so painful but it made him feel closer to everyone he had lost.
He didn't make it into his house, sinking down on the stairs and burying his face in his hands.
He didn't understand why it hurt so much to see a relationship between Naruto and Hinata being all but announced. Maybe Naruto had done too much for him and now he felt a sense of ownership over his best friend. Maybe he had tied himself too closely to Naruto and being told that that was only temporary, and even feeling it in the way that Naruto wasn't coming over or talking to him as often anymore, was something Sasuke hadn't been ready for. It felt sickening to want Naruto to be tied to him so much. It felt wrong. Especially now.
A crunch on the gravel path had Sasuke flinching up violently, only now noticing the warm tears smeared over his palms and cheeks.
Naruto stood there, Kimono inorderly, dirty at the hemline. The hairband was gone, his hair was back to its messy state that he usually wore it in. And his eyebrows were pulled up with worry.
That stupid fucking worry. Sasuke might scream if he saw someone making a face like that at him one more time.
He sat back down on the steps and sunk into them a bit, pulling up his knees, staring at Naruto past teary lashes.
"Sasuke."
"Did you shunshin here?"
"Only half of the way."
That explained the dirty Kimono.
"What do you want?" Sasuke asked, looking away. Still he couldn't really feel the shame he should probably feel for crying so easily.
"Why did you leave the party?"
He pressed his lips together. "I thought I shouldn't be there." It was only partly a lie.
He saw Naruto hesitating in what to answer and before he could change his mind to tell him something softer, less hurtful, Sasuke had already decided for him. "Just say it."
The blonde bit his lip nervously and averted his eyes. "That's not what Sakura said."
Curse Sakura. Sasuke thought she was on his side.
"Well what did she say, then?" He was almost surprised by how stable his voice sounded compared to how he felt.
"She said you left after my speech. She..." He drifted off.
Sasuke stood up abruptly. "Don't flatter yourself, it's not because of you." He brushed it off as quickly and coldly as he could. He didn't want to be the one admitting things for someone who already belonged to someone else.
"Sasuke!"
He turned around and went into his house, closing the door on Naruto.
"Sasu!" He heard his best friend yell and push the door open.
"What?" Sasuke hissed.
"I-..." The blonde flushed with pink. "I just want you to know that I rejected Hinata. I just didn't want to do it publicly."
He sucked in a breath. Sasuke didn't want to know why this made him feel so much better, so much less sick and less angry.
"You did?" He asked, despite himself.
"I did. She's a good friend... but nothing more than that." Naruto explained, stepping a little closer to Sasuke.
"Is she..." He muttered. So then she's not the reason Naruto had been keeping his distance from him? Was it him then? "Naruto," he managed to look up at his best friend, into his permeating blue eyes that always felt like they could read every emotion Sasuke has ever felt.
"Yes?" The boy replied, eyebrows twisted upwards only slightly and his lips pressed together with a worry that he was obviously not trying to let Sasuke see.
"Why have you been avoiding me?"
Do you not like me the way I like you? Am I not your best friend the way that you are mine? Sasuke held himself back from saying any of that. Any of the millions of insecure thoughts that clouded his mind.
He watched his friends eyes widen and then turn away with something that almost looked like guilt. Guilt. What did he feel guilty about? Guilt was never an emotion that was typical for Naruto. Determination was. Courage was. He never left enough space for guilt. He always did something about it before it could catch up with him.
Sasuke forced his face to remain as his trusty mask of blank coldness. He didn't want Naruto to see how much he affected him. Even though Naruto was arguably the only one he'd ever let see such vulnerability from him.
"Why, Naruto? Have I become too unbearable for even you?" Sasuke swallowed down the tears that were threatening to burn his eyes. No tears.
"No!" Narutos eyes snapped back to Sasukes. "No, that's not it. Don't say that. It's- you're not unbearable. For no one. And especially not for me." He chewed on his lip and looked back down on his shoes.
"Then tell me why." Sasuke hated his voice like this. It sounded so cold and yet at the same time like he cared so much. It reminded him too much of when he had been under Orochimaru. Yet he couldn't will it to sound any different.
"I know this is going to sound weird," Naruto began, "but I... I don't see you the way you see me. I- I dont want you to be my friend anymore."
Something in Sasuke sank. Low. Down into his feet. The pain wasn't sharp. Those words had been so expected, replayed in his mind so often, the blade of it was already dull. But it hurt more dull.
"You don't want to be my friend." It was more of a statement rather than a question.
"I- wait- don't misunderstand! Please!" Naruto took another step towards him. "It's not that. I don't want to stop being your friend. Well- I kind of do but- not, not like that. Sasuke, I feel guilty because I feel- when I think about you my chest feels warm. It's the way that I told you at the valley back then. I thought that it was natural, you're my best friend and my closest person, of course I would feel a special way for you. And I- I talked to Sakura about it because I didn't understand it and she said it's like... not very friendlike... She said it's more than that... I'm sorry." Narutos words stumbled over each other until they slowly quieted. Again, his eyes searched for the cracks in the porches wooden floorpanels.
Sasukes hands felt like they were buzzing. His head felt like it was buzzing. "You're sorry? For what."
"For feeling more for you than I should." Naruto looked so vulnerable.
"Don't... Don't." It felt like something outside him took that step towards Naruto. One, two, until he stood close enough to close his hand around Narutos warm bicep. "Don't be sorry. Not for that."
Teary eyes looked from the floor up at Sasuke. Confusion almost palpable.
"Don't be sorry for loving. I-" Sasukes voice broke. He was so relieved. It felt so unreal. All the guilt of his own that had built up finally fell off. "I do too. I love too. Me- me too."
"You too?"
"Me- yes. With you. I'm in love. With you."
A step. Narutos hands found Sasukes waist, pulling him in. Sasuke embraced him.
"I love you." Naruto whispered.
"I do too. I have. For such a long time."
Naruto laughed over his shoulder until laughs turned into sobs and Sasuke finally let the burn behind his eyes go.