Chapter Text
Will has been quieter than usual. Or so his friends though apparently. It definitely doesn't have anything to do with his hatred for life and a side of wanting to end it.
"You can always talk to us man, that's what were for after all" Lucas has always had a thing for trying to make everyone feel better, a word here a helpfull hand there but that's not exactly what Will needed right now "Cutting everyone off is not gonna solve your problems"
He had to hold himself back from making a self harm joke and with that making his lunch even more miserable.
"I'm not cutting anyone off, i'm fine guys" Will might have to go to a confesional after how many lies he's been telling everyone over the past couple weeks.
Who can blame him for being a little less social than usual. He can bearly focus on listening to his mom, much less his friends who for some reason just can't drop this thing they have with bothering him all the time.
He's okay, maybe. No, definitely. Will doesn't need his friends pressuring him all the time to talk about his problems. If they wanna talk about problems they could atleast talk about someone elses for a change.
"What Lucas was trying to say is that it's like we're not in the same party anymore" Max said, trying to sound like she cares. Everyone does that, that sick tone, acting like he's a fragile little baby who always needs everyones help "We don't want to seem too overbearing but if you want help you need to open up to someone"
What does she even know about opening up to people. Everyone knows that she still has nightmares about her brother and she seems to not want to open up about his death. Will didn't even see what happened but he knows that Billy was impaled but a piece of the buring down mall, probably a very gory sight. Of course he doesn't think that she deserved to go through something like seeing her brother die but she could atleast take her own advice.
He didn't even answer her because he didn't need to. They just need to learn to take a step back and think about their own life for a second. Either way he wasn't listening to the rest of their blabering.
He was too preocupied listening in on a conversation at a nearby table, atleast some poeple have other topics to talk about. They were talking about some app they found. Whatever this girlblogging shit is, sounds pretty stupid. Atleast their conversation didn't revolve around him and how depressed he is.
"Wait- No way you have a thousand notes on that. I've never gotten more than ten" One of the girls exclaimed. This got him even more curious about what they're talking about and even how does someone get a thousand so called notes. Maybe they're posting something about that girls vlogging stuff or whatever that girl was talking about before.
Then the bell rung, like a call from hell. Another class in this shithole and if Will hadn't already been thinking about killing himself he would definitely start now
Quickly trying to get out of the cafeteria to not get showered down with quick remarks from his friends he walks down the hallway to his class room. Maybe if he walked a quicker he would be able to get out of talking with anyone but to his demise Jane catched up to him.
"We are only trying to help you Will" Jane mumbled. Maybe the party needs to start talking about her problems with the english language rather than his depression.
He's being mean and he knows that. Will has always felt bad for Jane, being locked away in some poor, abandoned looking orphanage for most of your life must be hard. Those people really didn't care about getting the kids an education or even teach them proper social skills, hell they probably treated them like lab rats. Keeping them in there like some weird experiment.
Luckily some goverment oraginsation shut it down, now making it an actual lab or something. Jane never really talked about her life there, even though Will is extremaly curious to find out what really went down in there but he's respectful enough to not push it whenever it came up, which his friends could probably start doing.
"Whatever" Maybe she would get the hint but obviously noone can ever predict what shes thinking, with her weird mental disorders.
"I am always here if you need to talk" With a smile she turns towards the teacher and finally stoped bothering him.
Everyone needs to stop talking about him talking to someone. Will doesn't like talking, he never did, specificaly about his problems. Everyone just needs to know every little thing about him. How about they start worrying about their own little shitty lifes and leave him alone.
-
Finally done with school for the day Wills only thoughts are about that blog stuff those randos were talking about during lunch.
Why is he even thinking about that. Okay, maybe he just needed something to occupy his mind instead of his horrible home life.
Will quietly enters his house hoping to not alarm his mom as she will most likely try and get him to do something he is too tired to do.
"Will, honey! I need your help" His mom does not know what good timing is, he was supposed to be in bed looking for something else to think about.
"With what?" Which came out colder than he anticipated but who can blame him when he literally could be doing anything else right now. Plus he was not in the mood for more demands and therapy talk.
"Jonathans not coming home for dinner" She souned like a wounded deer, maybe her older son never being home was finally getting to her "He said something about working late, so I need you to help me with dinner"
"You can just make something for youself mom" His voice sounding almost like a whisper. Remebering the talks with his mom he, louder than before, added "Dustin's mom made us a big lunch to share"
Which wasn't a lie, Mrs. Henderson really had made a lunch for the party. As one could expect he didn't even think about eating it but his mom didn't need to know about that.
"Will... You know how i feel about you not eating dinner." That tone, a little sulky when any problems rise up.
"Mom, don't worry. I have a lot of homework to do so maybe this isn't so bad after all" Before she can get a word in Will was already making his way towards his bedroom.
Laying down in his bed, Will pulls out his phone and goes on a search for that mysterious app. Maybe the homework thing wasn't a complete lie but he had better things to do than stupid math.
"Tumbler..." he whispers, talking to himself has become a usual occurance whenever he's by himself "Oh wait, I got it"
Tumblr, apartamenty. He wastes no time creating an account, stumbling on what to make his nickname - will.i.am6
"Wow, how creative"
Getting started on the app was nothing special. He quickly decided to search girlblogging as stupid and cringey teenage girl it sounded maybe it isn't so bad.
By some weird, twisted miracle he quickly finds his way into a suicidal corner of the app. From girl hell to everyone being depressed and suicidal is not as far as he imagined. With a ligh huff at how even his phone sensed his depression, Will gets engulfed into it.
The amount of people struggling with similar things as him might've been comforting if he hadn't stumbled upon multiple posts of peoples cut up wrists. Of course like every sad teenager Will had tried cutting himself before, his mom quickly figured out what he was doing and hid any sharp objects she could find around the house.
There are other ways of self harm that maybe his mom never thought about. Wills choice was hitting himself, in more hidden places as to not alarm his mom with random bruises.
Will shifts in his bed than it hits him, the sunlight peeking into his room. He must've been scrolling on Tblr for hours and didn't even realise it.
"Oh shit, shit, shit..." Looking over at his alarm clock might have been an even worse mistake than staying up all night reading random peoples suicide ideations, it starts blaring right into his face like some humiliation ritual. Almost crying he turns it off and trying to keep his cool as much as one can possibly muster in this situation Will steps onto the cold floor of his bedroom.
The house is quiet as usual, his brother is bearly home and his mom is probably still sleeping with it being 5 a.m. Going to the bathroom Wills thoughts were on one thing, maybe todays the day someone decided to leave some sort of blade out in the open, of course that was quickly burned out because his family just loves him so much. After going through his usual bathroom ritual Will made his towards the kitchen.
He has always been a man of habit when it comes to breakfast, a yogurt. He has never missed a morning yogurt, it might be the only thing he looks forward to in his life.
With a couple minutes to spare Will bikes to school. No suprises today was no better than any other day but atleast maybe today he can catch a break.
Not sleeping paired with eating only a yogurt was a very bad desicion on his part. Will could barely sit still in class feeling like you're about to throw up is not how you wanna feel at 7 a.m. when your teacher is talking about some carboxylic acids shit.
Will tried to ignore his friends during breaks, even going to the bathroom during lunch. He did not care a single bit about whatever show they were collectively watching. He didnt want to see the looks on their faces when they see just how disheveled he looks. Okay, he doesn't look that different than any other day but who knows maybe they'll catch onto what hes been up to the whole night.
The rest of school went by like a blip. With only one interesting thing happening, some guys in his history class got cought during a contest of who can pull their pants down the lowest before the teacher catches them. How stupid do you have to be to do something like that.
Back at home things really weren't so different than yesterday or even this morning. Not a single soul besides himself was home if what he has can even he considered a soul. It is a little weird, considering his mom should be home by now but that just leaves him and his thoughts alone so who is he to complain.
Will got another yogurt from the fridge considering his stomach was starting to he louder than his thoughts. He should tell his mom about the lack of yogurts in the fridge.
Considering he's had this blogging thing in his head all day Will decided to make his first ever post. He probably spent way too long trying to come up with something creative or relatable, finally settling on some random jumble of slob:
Going to school is gonna make me kms!! These people need to shut the fuck up and leave me aloneeeee
No i dont want to talk to you about how badly i wanna jump off a buliding leave me alone
Maybe he should've thought about this more or maybe he's just overthinking it. Everyone else seems to also just be pushing out some random thoughts so maybe his is not that bad.
After tagging his work with whatever mush of depression nonsense other blogs use he hits post.
The rest of the day goes by like a blur. He finally decides to eat dinner with his mom, simply not to die of starvation. The yogurts don't seem to be doing too much for his hunger.
Laying in his bed, mindlessly scrolling on his newly found favorite app he gets a notifciation. Finally someone decided to appreciate his fine peace of suicidal bullshit.
"No way someone reblogged this shit" Again talking to himself maybe he is going insane, thats not the main thing on his mind right now though.
The person, with an also very creative nickname - notbrave67, who reblogged his post seems to also be a depressed, suicidal teenager upon investigating their account.
They have some weird, sickly looking guy as their profile picture. Their blog doesn't say much about who he, apparently, is. His likes seem to be nothing more than the same things that Will had liked on his blog.
Maybe he is doing too much with scrolling through everything on this random blog but notbrave67 seems like a slightly less than chill dude. Constantly posting about his want to school up his highschool, which honestly Will had never thought about before. It seems kind of pointless to take other people down with you just because your life isn't working out.
Well, he ends his tblr session with following notbrave67 back and finally turning off his phone. Maybe the peace of quiet of sleeping will stop him from thinking about his first ever mutual.
-
Now that the idea has popped into his mind, no thanks to notbrave67, he can't stop thinking about what it would be like to shoot up his own school. He would never do it though, he's too much of a pussy to actually go through with something like that.
Will has never been one to for gun violence. It's not like hes never shot a gun before, his dad made him do it a couple times. He said it would make him more manly and maybe then he would finally stop acting like a little girl.
Although there is always room for change so nothing can really be taken out of the equastion.
"Hi Will" Not her again, Jane is the last person he wants to see right now. Her lack of social skills only makes him want to put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger.
"Jane, could we maybe talk later" Will couldn't take another shitty conversation that leads to nowhere but his suffering.
"No, We are hanging out after school" He could sense the demand in her voice "You are coming with us. No butting"
"You know I have a lot to do after school so maybe another day" That no lying new years resolution has nothing on how many lies hes told over the year.
"Yeah no, Will you're coming with us whether you like it or not. If you actually had something to do you wouldn't just be standing mindlessly in the hallway" Lucas said as he slammed into the wall next to Will, the rest of the party a couple steps behind him "That movie isnt gonna watch itself"
"Right so... We'll meet you after class, no running away" Having said that Max was probably already planning to tackle him even if he tried.
Quick decison making is something Will has never been good at. Turning away and lying to them about some mystery illness or sick grandmas expired two skipped hangouts ago, so with nothing else to do he reluctantly agrees.
"Okay fine, just dont choose some lame-o movie like last time" The thought of killing himself sound all too good right now.