Chapter Text
Before leaving the barracks that morning, Hanji stood in front of the small mirror that she shared with her roommates. She was muttering to herself, clutching something in her fist. Curiously, Nanaba motioned to Petra as they snuck up behind her.
“Hey, Hanji!” Nanaba smiled, while Petra swiftly grabbed a creased flyer from her hand.
“H-Hey, wait!” Hanj protested as Petra unfurled the flyer.
“Wall Sina Carnival,” she read, crossing her arms around her chest.
“I heard it’s this weekend.” Nifa called out from her bunk, opening one eye lazily.
“Are you going?” Nanaba asked, eyes glittering with unspoken questions.
“Are you going with someone special?” Petra teased, flicking Hanji’s cheek, which was turning an alarming shade of red. Her three roommates gave each other knowing looks. “When are you going to ask him?” the three girls gave her wide-eyed eager stares.
Hanji let out a hmph and turned around. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She stated plainly.
Nanaba cocked her head. “I’m going with Mike.”
Petra put her hands on her hands on her hips. “Oluo asked me.”
Nifa gave a little snort. “I’m not going.”
“Neither am I.” Hanji lied, snatching the flyer from their hands as she rushed out of the room.
Am I that obvious? Hanji thought back to her friend’s playful words. It was true. She was going to ask Levi to go with her to the carnival. Ever since he had joined the Survey Corps, there was something about him that intrigued her, like a specimen she couldn’t quite classify. Unlike her other comrades, Levi didn’t care about others expectations of him, yet he always managed to exceed them. Hanji had wanted to know more about him, but when he had returned from his first expedition, he had shut out everyone from his world, escaping into his own mind. She knew that feeling, had experienced it first-hand when half of her squad had died under her supervision a few years earlier. She had fought bitterly against the Titans, showing no mercy, but after that, she had retreated to studying Titan’s behaviour, trying to find out what they were, so she could fight them better. Not wanting to let Levi go through that hell, she had dropped by a week after Furlan and Isabel’s deaths, only to find that she had been too late. She expected him to kick her out of the room, like he had to the other scouts who had tried to console him, but he let her in. She had listened to him, and it was heart-wrenching seeing somebody as broken as him. Levi had blamed himself for the deaths of his friends, blamed himself for ever leaving the Underground, he blamed himself for still being alive. Hanji spent countless hours trying to lift him up, without any avail.
One night, he had looked at her with bloodshot eyes. “Why am I still alive if they aren’t with me?” his voice had been the embodiment of pain and some nights, it still haunted her, wondering what would’ve happened if she had said the wrong thing.
She had stared right back at him, gaze unwavering, as she spoke firmly “You’ll never move forward if you keep looking backwards. Furlan and Isabel were your friends, and the least you could do to honour them, is to live your life with no regrets. You can’t go on like this. Find something in life worth living, and as long as you keep that in sight, I promise you’ll be fine.”
Levi had sat for a moment in silence, and then asked, “Will you come back tomorrow?” she promised him that as she left, returning the next day.
Hanji had been shocked and pleased that her words had had an effect, for he was cleaning his room. Slowly, he had recovered, but sometimes, she could still see the pain reflected in his eyes. Later, Hanji had begun to see him as something more than a friend. She found herself seeking out his company whenever she could, and shocked herself by thinking of him on sleepless nights. Everything about him from the compassion he showed to his comrades to the shitty humour he possessed, Hanji was entranced by him.
She stepped into the meeting room; happy to see Levi was the only one there now. She could ask him and get it over with, she thought.
“Here so early? Did the constipation keep you up all night?” he asked her, maintaining his usual stoic expression.
Hanji took her seat across from him. “No, it was the diarrhea.”
He smirked at that. “You know there’s a tea to cure diarrhea.”
Hanji let out a hearty laugh “Is there? You’ll have to bring me that next time.”
Levi looked pleased with himself, as if he had accomplished something significant. “Will do.” He said, as the other soldiers filed in, commencing the meeting.
Hanji squirmed in her seat as Erwin discussed the logistics of an upcoming mission. Nanaba, who was sitting next to her, gave her a pointed look. The paper nagged her throughout the meeting, as she thought of ways to ask him. Her friends gave her knowing looks throughout the meeting and Hanji grew more anxious as the minutes ticked by. Erwin finally dismissed them, and much to Hanji’s dismay, Levi was the first person out of the room. She stared at the flyer, eyes blurring and a lump growing in her throat. She hadn’t been quick enough.
Levi dashed out of the meeting, off to clean, a chore that so few of the other soldiers signed up for themselves. It was better that way, for there wasn’t anybody else who could interfere with his mopping. He halted in his tracks as he realized that he had left the uniform jacket in the meeting room. Erwin was unforgiving when it came to misplacing Survey Corps materials, since they were so low on them to start with. If he were lucky, he’d get another jacket in the next year.
“What a pain,” Levi grumbled to nobody in particular as he went back to the meeting room.
After the meeting ended, Hanji remained seated, staring down grimly at the flyer. “My chance to ask him is gone.” She whispered, refusing to let her tears spill over.
The flyer was suddenly snatched from her hands and she looked up to see Levi frowning at it, uniform jacket thrown over one shoulder. “Crying over a piece of paper? You really are hopeless, Hanji.”
Hanji managed to stay calm as she held her hand out. “I’d like my research back Levi.”
Levi spun on his heel and read it as Hanji wrestled to get it back. “You’ve been playing with this shitty piece of paper all morning and this clearly isn’t research that you’re crying over.”
Hanji swore as he laid it out on the table. “Wall Sina Carnival.” He read aloud, giving Hanji a questioning look.
She clenched her fist, trying to calm herself. This wasn’t how she imagined it would happen. All those hours practicing in the mirror would be for nothing if she couldn’t convey her feelings to him. Hanji looked up at Levi, who waited for her to elaborate. I've fought Titans in battle, glared death in the face, and I'm losing face over asking a guy out on a date? Swallowing back fear, she formed the words in her head again.
“Hey,” Levi’s voice came out gentler, causing Hanji to look up.
When she made eye contact, all those hours practiced in the mirror, all those fears of how Levi would react, they all melted away and the next words came naturally to her. “I was thinking of going to the carnival this weekend, but its not very fun going on your own.” There was a subtle shift in Levi’s posture, and Hanji continued. “Would you like to come with me?”
Levi rose his eyebrows “So like a date?” he asked.
Hanji’s eyes grew wide and she was pretty sure she looked like a mess at this point. “What!?”
Levi swallowed hard and glared at her. “Have you had your ears between the books for so long that you’ve gone deaf? I asked you what day we’re going?”
Hanji stared at him, grinning like she’d discovered the origin of Titans. She knew she hadn’t misheard him, but wouldn’t be able to get him to admit to it. “Tomorrow.” Levi stormed out of the room. “I’ll meet you there.”
Alone in the men’s barracks, Levi sat on the edge of his bed, groaning. “Why did I do that?” He rubbed his fingers along his eyes and sighed.
Mike walked in and looked down at him. “What’s wrong?”
Levi let out a sigh again, remembering his slip-up. “Like a date?” He cursed himself for being so blunt. “I think Hanji just asked me out.” Mike snorted, earning himself a glare from Levi. “What?”
Mike sat on the bed adjacent to Levi and gave him a nod. “What’s the matter? You say yes?” Levi nodded, running his fingers through his hair. Mike stood up and waited for him to say more. When he didn’t, he asked, “Do you hate her?”
Levi bit the inside of his cheek. “No!” Whatever Levi felt towards Hanji, it definitely wasn’t hate. It was something stronger, something softer, something he hadn’t thought himself being capable of. After Furlan and Isabel died, Levi had joined the Survey Corps, per Erwin’s request. Nothing could erase the hurt that had embedded into him following his friend’s death. That’s where Hanji had come in. Levi had remembered her as the only one to show the three of them any kindness, and when she had come to talk to him after the life-changing mission, he welcomed her presence; desperate to grab whatever fragments he could of his old life, before they faded away. She had taken away the hurt that had come with the first days after their deaths, and eventually, Hanji had become an essential part of his life, as they grew on each other. He admired how she would passionately rant on about things that he admittedly, had no clue about. He cherished the moments she’d drop by to bounce ideas off of him, but mostly, he loved feeling something other than pain after all those wretched years. He had never thanked her for bringing him back from the brink of insanity, and he had never told her that she was his reason to go on. “No, I don’t hate her at all.” He whispered, resting his elbows on his knees.
Her room-mates had ambushed Hanji when she returned to her room. Petra and Nanaba sat on her bed; eagerly awaiting the good news, while Hanji blatantly ignored them.
Nifa was the one to break the bubble of silence as she strolled in “Do you have a date now?”
Nanaba nodded “We overheard the whole exchange.”
Hanji flipped around, eyes wide. “What?”
Nanaba let out a sheepish grin as Petra recounted the story to Nifa, who had a laugh at her expense.
Hanji placed her hands on her hips as she let a laugh out. “It was mortifying, since Humanity’s Strongest isn’t exactly graced with social skills.” her expression turned serious, as she thought of something. “I didn’t think I’d get this far,” she admitted. “Now I need something to wear since I very well can’t go in uniform.”
Her comment sparked another round of laughter from her friends as Nanaba crossed the room and opened her closet. “Don’t worry,” Nanaba gave her a devilish grin, “We’ve got you covered.”
Mike had called Erwin over that night to deal with Levi, who clearly had no experience with affairs of the heart. Erwin had stridden in and given the man a look. “So you and Hanji…” he said, sentence lilting up at the end. “
Why are you here Erwin?” Levi had asked, tired from the day.
Erwin feigned hurt as he gave a little chuckle. “I hear our little bird has found love,” he said, letting the last word sink in as Levi buried his face in his hands.
“Its not love. Hanji and I are just friends.” Erwin gave Mike a look that made Levi want to throttle him. “What?” he demanded. “What do you know about my relationship with Hanji?”
Erwin had just given the soldier a coy smile. “I see the way she looks at you sometimes, wanting to say more. The way her head subtly shifts when you walk into the room, giving you her full and undivided attention. I see how happy she becomes whenever you acknowledge her.”
Levi loosened a bit. “You’re full of it Erwin.” He whispered, yet wanting to hear more.
Erwin scoffed. “I didn’t become the Commander by mistake. I know how to observe people and how to gauge what they’re thinking from their actions. Having said that, you are pathetic Levi.”
Mike had a sudden coughing fit, which Levi strongly suspected was covering laughter.
Erwin paid no attention and continued. “You change too, whenever Hanji is around. The difference between you and her is that you suck at interacting with her. For Sina’s sake! Last week when she came down for dinner, you asked her if her bowel movements were regular!”
Levi swore under his breath. “Did I actually ask her that?”
Mike nodded as Erwin proceeded to lecture Levi. “You like her, right?” Erwin asked, and without waiting for an answer, he nodded. “You have to make this date count!” Erwin motioned to Levi’s clothes “What do you plan on wearing?”
Levi looked down at his uniform. “Won’t this do?” he asked. Erwin scoffed at him
“Wearing that will give her the impression that you’re on Survey Corps business matters, not looking to have fun!”
Levi rolled his eyes “Why do you care? Don’t you have more pressing concerns than what we veterans do in our spare time?”
Mike answered for him. “No. Erwin has no love life, so he entertains himself by watching ours.”
“Mike!” Erwin yelled indignantly. “You weren’t supposed to tell him that.”
After recovering from his outburst, Erwin looked Levi up and down. “I have my work cut out for me, but Levi Ackerman, we are going to prepare you for a date that will win over Hanji.”
Hanji trusted her friends with things as important as her life, but at the moment, she didn’t feel very trusting. She looked at herself in the mirror and frowned. “Are you sure this is okay?” she asked, tugging at the fabric.
The three of them beamed. “Absolutely!”
Petra waved a finger in her face. “Now listen carefully. Tomorrow morning, the outfit will be there,” she pointed to her closet. “I trust you can dress yourself at least.” Hanji nodded and Petra continued. “Either Nanaba or I will fix your hair, when we finish getting ready. Afterwards, its all up to you.”
Her friends were staring at her with such an intensity that warmed Hanji. “Thanks, girls,” she said, grinning ear to ear. “I don’t know where I’d be without you.”
Nifa gave her a quick smile, as Petra pulled her into a hug. “Have fun.” she murmured into her friend’s ear.
“I will.” Hanji said, giving her outfit one final look before she began to take it off.
Where is she? Levi thought as he fiddled with his sleeves. He fought the urge to drop by the house of mirrors to see if he looked fine. The weather was warm, but there was a hint of a chill that indicated fall was on the way. The morning sun had faded into the persistent heat of the afternoon, with still no sign of Hanji. After following Erwin’s advice, Levi had left his uniform behind for a white button up, a black sweater, and simple but elegant dark jeans. He looked presentable, and he just hoped that all would go well. He just couldn’t stop thinking about what Erwin had said regarding Hanji’s attitude towards him. He put it out of his mind as he looked around for Hanji on the crowded carnival grounds.
“Levi!” he heard her before he saw her. He craned his neck, tying to catch a glimpse of her when a figure ran towards him, hand waving. His eyes traveled up her long legs; which were adorned with flat shoes, a knee length strappy floral print dress that revealed her toned arms. She had swapped her goggles for her glasses and her hair fell down to her shoulders in a loose curtain. His breath caught in his throat as she neared him, grinning.
“How do I look?” she asked, sounding a little breathless.
“Amazing.” The word had slipped out softly, and when it had, he swore Hanji’s smile had amplified.
“Thanks, you clean up nice yourself.”
Levi snorted at that. “I clean up nice? You’re the one who finally washed the rats nest off of your head.” He said, running a hand through her hair.
“What are they saying?” Erwin frowned as he got as close as he could, trying to eavesdrop on Levi and Hanji.
“Um, Erwin?” Mike had been forcibly dragged along to accompany Erwin, but all he wanted to do was spend his day with Nanaba. “I’m kind of busy, so I’d appreciate it if you could spy on your own.”
Nanaba, however, had insisted that she wanted to spy on her friend. “This is Hanji we’re talking about. I want to know exactly what happens!”
Mike was frustrated with the 2 of them. “Why don’t you ask her later? You’re room-mates, right?” Nanaba nodded, focused more intensely on what Levi and Hanji were saying, than Mikes words.
He threw his arms up in defeat as he sighed. “Fine. Lets just spend the day following Levi and Hanji, since both of you have nothing better to do.”
Nanaba gave Mike an apologetic look. “I’ll make it up to you Mike, but I really want to make sure she’s doing alright. It is her first date after all, and those don’t come by very often.” Mike gave in, since Nanaba was a headstrong person who never backed down, but then again, that’s what had drawn him to her.
The initial glee had faded into nervousness as Hanji stood by Levi, painfully aware of how quiet he was. Then again, Levi was a man of few words, she reassured herself. Levi could not take his eyes off of Hanji as he tried to think of something to say. He had to convince himself that this was the same person he had spoken to just yesterday.
“Levi?”
Levi snapped out of his daze, and tried to appear more alert. “What?”
Hanji motioned to the carnival grounds. “I asked you if you had something you wanted to do first.”
Levi looked around and caught a glimpse of something. “What are those?” he asked, pointing to brightly painted horses that seemed to float. Hanji’s smile grew as she grabbed his arm and ran to it.
Looking back at him, she smiled. “That’s the carousel. It was one of my favourite things when I used to come here.” As they neared the ride, Levi was in awe of the entire contraption.
“How does this work?” He asked, trying to figure out the different parts and how they made the horses move.
“I have no idea,” Hanji admitted. “But when I do figure it out, I’ll be sure to tell you.”
A burly man stood at the entrance, arms crossed across his chest and he looked tired. He looked down at Levi, hand held out. “Do you have tickets?”
Levi dug into his pockets and Hanji pulled out a dozen, tearing a few out. “I brought some while I was waiting for you.” Levi whispered, eyeing the wad in Hanji’s hand.
She leaned down to reply. “Sorry, I came so late because the ticket line was so long.” She glanced at Levi briefly before handing a few to the worker. “I guess we better make the most of these tickets!” she replied, as they stepped onto the platform.
The different horses had overwhelmed Levi, and he stopped at one that reminded him of his own.
He momentarily forgot where he was, and stroked the horse’s mane lovingly until he heard soft footsteps behind him. “Is that the one you’re riding?” Hanji had already mounted the horse next to his, one painted a deep chestnut that matched her hair. “Yeah. This one will do.”
He said as he clambered onto the horse. The worker prattled off instructions of what to do and what not to do, and the ride shortly began. Levi, who had never been on a ride before, didn’t know what to expect. His stomach lurched slightly, as the horse went up. For Hanji, the ride was like an old friend. She embraced it, her laughter lost in the tinkling music that played in the background. Hanji turned to look at Levi, who allowed himself a small smile.
“I can see why you like this so much.” He admitted, gathering his courage to reach out for Hanji’s hand. Time seemed to stop for a moment, as he was about to curl his fingers around Hanji’s.
She looked down at him, and he lost his nerve, pulling his hand away. “Levi?” Hanji looked at him.
“There was just a speck of dirt on your dress.” He lied, looking straight ahead, heart burning. Hanji didn’t question it and the ride finished in silence.
“Damn you Levi!” Nanaba shouted. Mike stared at his girlfriend in surprise. She was usually so soft-spoken, never uttering as much as a rude thought about her comrades.
“What is it?” He asked, unaware of the situation. He had spent the last 15 minutes wondering how long Nanaba and Erwin would spy on Levi and Hanji.
Nanaba stomped her foot angrily. “How dare he? He was going to hold her hand! Erwin, did you see that?”
Erwin nodded, furrowing his eyebrows. “I’m going to go up there right now and demand that they get their act together.”
This set Nanaba off, as she grabbed Erwin’s arm. “No! You can’t do that! That’ll just set them back! Levi needs to do this on his own!”
Mike felt a headache coming along as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can I leave now?”
After getting off of the carousel, Levi still felt like he was on it, its gentle rocking not unlike his mothers, he thought pleasantly. He began walking after Hanji, when he heard Hanji scream. “TITANS!” Levi inhaled sharply, turning to his hips for maneuvering gear that he knew wouldn’t be there.
“Where?” Levi asked, fighting an overwhelming panic. Hanji pointed to a wooden stall. Levi gingerly peeked at what Hanji was pointing to, then groaned. “You scared the crap out of me Shitty Glasses.” It was a carnival game, and there was a Titan plush offered as a prize. “Do you want it?” Levi asked, eyeing the actual game. It was a dartboard, and he could tell by the nicks on it that they weren’t the first ones to try their hand at it. Hanji nodded, unable to contain her pure excitement.
Levi took off the required amount of tickets and handed them to the man running the stall. “All 3 of those darts have to hit the bull’s-eye, or you don’t get a prize.” Levi picked up one of the darts, running them over loosely his thumb, rusted metal on callused flesh. Eyeing the dartboard, he took aim and let it fly from his fingers. It hit the bull’s-eye, but than bounced off. The man smirked. “Sorry, but you can try again if you’d like.” He said, leaning down to pick up the dart.
Levi's nostrils flared. “Excuse me?”
The man looked down at him. “What?”
Levi pointed to the target, eyes narrowing. “It hit the bull’s-eye.”
The man held his hands up in defence. “Sorry little man, but those are the rules.”
Levi couldn’t believe the mans nerve, and his hands tightened into fists. Hanji, who had been observing the scene, stepped in. She placed her hand on Levi’s shoulder, gently pulling him away from the stall.
They were almost out of earshot when the man yelled. “Maybe your hot girlfriend would like to give it a try!”
Levi wrenched himself out of Hanji’s grip and stormed back to the man, his face contorted with rage. “What the hell did you say about her?”
A palm slammed down 3 more tickets and Levi looked up to see a furious Hanji. She snarled at the man. “I think I’ll give this a try!” Swiping the darts from the mans hand, she leaned over the booth, face twisted in concentration. She was muttering to herself, he noticed. Hanji’s face was an undecipherable mask, and Levi wasn’t sure what to make of it. Her elbow formed a 90-degree angle as she squinted, and let the dart fly. It whipped past the man and hit the centre, sticking firmly. Levi couldn’t help but admire her skill.
“Damn.” He whispered, as Hanji did the same with the other 2 darts.
The man scratched the back of his neck, clearly mortified. “Look man, I didn’t mean it like that, what I said…” Hanji grabbed the Titan plush and stormed off, Levi in tow. “Like Sina you didn’t.”
“Remind me to never get on your bad side,” Levi said, as he took his seat on a wooden bench across from Hanji. They had left the man speechless and were now eating cotton candy. Hanji discovered Levi had quite an appetite for it after seeing him wolf down a bag like it was nothing.
“You should’ve seen his face! He looked like he was going to shit himself!” Hanji howled, placing the Titan on the bench. “I think I’ll name him Bean.” She proclaimed, petting its head.
Levi smirked at it, anger from the previous event draining. “How’d you get the darts to stick?” he asked, remembering how his own had fallen.
“Science!” she said, speaking through a mouth of cotton candy.
“No seriously,” Levi laughed, eyeing her.
Hanji’s eyes widened. “I am serious. I used a combination of physics and mathematics to determine what angle and force would best work.”
He let out of a low whistle. “Science is not stupid, I apologize.”
Hanji let her mind wander off to the mans words. “Maybe your hot girlfriend would like to give it a try!” Is that how others on the fairgrounds saw them today? She looked at Levi, who was fiddling with his sleeves. He caught her staring, and gave her a tight-lipped smile. What was she thinking about? He thought to himself, wishing he could see inside her mind. To see if he occupied her thoughts as much as she occupied his. He had to find out.
“Hanji?” Levi asked, leaning over the table and resting his hand on his cheek.
“What?” she asked, trying to slow her breathing.
He grabbed Bean from her hands and held it up for closer inspection. “What type of name is Bean, and why does this thing look like somebody rolled it in cow shit?”
Hanji was unprepared for that and grabbed Bean out of Levis hands, hugging it close. It provided her a sense of security as she spoke her next words. “I named him after a failed experiment, and it does not look like shit!” she exclaimed, voice rising with every word. She forced herself to calm down before she continued, but Levi spoke.
“It looks like somebody dragged it out of a trash can, just like you.”
Hanji’s face turned somber, her voice shaking at her next sentence. “Oh.”
Levi stopped laughing as he noticed Hanji wasn’t laughing either. “Hanji, I- I- I’m sorry-“
Hanji just got up and pulled out her tickets. “You know what? Lets just finish these so we could both go back home and forget this ever happened.
“Hanji wait…” Levi trailed off as he took off after Hanji, who was a good distance away from him. That had not gone as he had intended.
The mood was bleak as Erwin, Nanaba and Mike watched Hanji walk away from Levi. Humanity’s Strongest looked like a Titan had punched him.
Nanaba was the one to speak, her usual light tone replaced by something sadder. “That was brutal. Now that I think about it, you should’ve gone up to them.”
Erwin sighed, replaying the moment in his head. “I think we can all agree Levi is the worst flirt ever.”
Nanaba nodded and Mike just tilted his head up in agreement. “They looked like they were actually having a good time.” Nanaba and Erwin stared at him. “I mean, before Levi messed it up.”
Squatting by the bushes, the trio felt deflated. 2 shadows loomed over them and Nanaba looked up at a concerned Petra. She was wearing a pale pink t-shirt and white capris. Beside her, Oluo had his arms crossed over his chest, wearing a loose fitted shirt and dark jeans.
Petra brushed her hair out of her eyes. “I was looking for you guys everywhere! No wonder I couldn’t find you, nobody would.”
Nanaba looked down at her sandals, putting on a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “That was the plan, until Levi blew it.”
Petra’s face was one of confusion before she pieced it together. “You were spying on them?”
Erwin nodded, recounting the events to an annoyed Petra and an apathetic Oluo.
When he finished, Petra put her hands on her hips. “Well stop moping and enjoy the carnival.” She helped them up, and continued. “The carnival only comes around once a year, and you’re going to ruin it by stalking 2 people who can’t get their acts together?”
Mike smirked at that. “Its what I’ve been telling them this entire time.”
Nanaba’s lower lip quivered “But I really wanted to see Hanji happy.”
Petra’s voice took a softer tone this time as she placed a hand on Nanaba’s shoulder. “So did I, but their relationship is something for them, not to be spoiled by you guys invading the privacy of it.”
Petra and Oluo walked off to enjoy the carnival, leaving the heavyhearted trio lagging behind them.
Levi made sure to maintain a good distance from Hanji. He feared that if he got too close, he’d anger her even more. He regretted having compared Hanji to trash, when she was anything but.
“Hanji please,” he whispered.
Hanji was fighting the bubbling disappointment that threatened to come out. It tasted bitter, a stark contrast to the sweet cotton candy that they had shared moments ago. She thought that they had something. Something more than a friendship, when he merely viewed her as trash. She quickly glanced back at him, to catch him looking at her, lips parted. The same lips that she often found herself dreaming about during meetings. She would not cry over him. She would get through this lousy date, and wipe it from her memory. She was Hanji Zoe. She was made of stronger stuff. She just wished it wouldn’t hurt so much.
“Hey Hanji?” Levi cautiously asked. He had given up trying to apologize for now, since it was clear she wanted nothing to do with him.
“What?” her voice came out like an icy dagger, and just as cold.
Levi had heard rumours of the time a trainee had ruined one of her experiments, and to this day, she still hadn’t forgiven him. He didn’t want to end up like that. He enjoyed Hanji’s company; it was one of the things that kept him going after countless expeditions and the chain of never-ending deaths.
Hanji turned to him. “You have tickets of your own, right?”
Levi was unsure of the turn the conversation had taken. “Yes…” he said slowly.
“Good. Then why don’t you go spend them by yourself? I’m not in the mood for listening to your excuse of an apology. You’ve made it clear what you think of me, and you wouldn’t want to sully your hands with trash now, would you?” she left him behind, her long legs trying to outrun the pain.
“Fuck it,” Levi said, kicking shards of a beer bottle, most likely left there by some drunken Military Police Brigade member.
He was at the edge of the fairgrounds, and he held his tickets like knives, the sharp edges of the paper biting into his palms. The sun hung low in the air, and the blazing heat of the morning had worn off to a dull October chill. By looking at his face, the average passer-by wouldn’t have been able to tell that he was going through a storm of emotions. He was angry. Angry didn’t begin to describe how he felt about himself for saying those words to Hanji. Whatever they had meant to each other before, it was clear that they’d never be able to return to that. He was annoyed at Hanji; he felt that she was blowing it out of proportions. They bounced jokes off of each other frequently and he had occasionally poked fun at her horrible hygiene. Why did this have to be any different? He was hurt; it stung when Hanji had looked at him like that. Like he was under her and wasn’t worthy of her. Maybe it was true, he thought. Maybe Hanji deserved more than somebody who made tasteless jokes and made her feel like trash. He stared at the remainder of his tickets, and grimaced. It’d be such a waste to throw them out, but he wasn’t in the mood to stick around.
Mike had wandered off after Nanaba and the others were choosing what to eat. He was walking around the carnival when he saw him. Levi was standing there on his own, staring at something in his palm, looking dejected. Mike frowned as he assessed his options. He could go back to Nanaba and them, or he could talk to him. He was turning to return to the others when he heard it.
“Hey Mike!” Levi called up waving his tickets in the air.
Mike approached, even though all he wanted to do was find something to eat. “What?” he asked, nodding in his direction.
“Do you want these?” Levi passed Mike the tickets and in Mike’s hands, he could see they were crumpled, as if somebody had crushed them in a sudden fury.
“Sure,” Mike said reluctantly as he eyed the tickets. “But where’s Hanji? I thought you came with her?”
Levi’s face darkened at the mention of her name as he let out a sad laugh. “I think she hates me now, if she didn’t already.”
Mike couldn’t stand looking at Levi like that, so he asked, “Why would she hate you?”
Fully aware of the story that was to follow, Mike had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. “She doesn’t hate you.” Mike finally said.
That seemed to be the right thing to say because Levi stood straighter. “What do you mean? How do you know?”
Mike could’ve gone on about how he spent a majority of his day spying on them, but he just shrugged his shoulders, digging his hands into his pockets. “It takes a lot for Hanji to hate somebody. I’ve been on the Corps as long as her and Erwin. You do more than tolerate her rambling, you encourage it. I’ve seen how the two of you are around each other. She might be mad at you now, but give it some time.” Mike had to stop himself from screaming that he was stuck with people who were more invested in their relationship than they were, but instead he said, “We have an expedition coming up in a week. You could die. Being the strongest doesn’t mean you’re invincible. She could die. She’s on the front lines that week.”
An image came to Levi’s mind, one of Hanji with her face mutilated like Isobel’s. He covered his mouth to stop bile from rising up. “Mike, stop.” He choked out.
Mike kept going. “Do you really want to go into the expedition without telling her how you really feel? Everybody can see that you two are crazy for each other. Everyone except the two of you. Do you really want to die, burdened with something like this?”
Levi ran off, into an ever-darkening sky. His heart pumped furiously, determined to set things right. He knew what he had to do. He had to find Hanji.
Hanji stood in the midst of a crowd, observing people. She didn’t enjoy standing alone, with nobody to talk with, but she had done it herself. Her smile drooped as she walked by different rides, taking in how much fun they’d be. She couldn’t help but laugh at her attire. She couldn’t believe she’d dressed up for him, and yet here she was on her own. The sky was turning a dark blue that could only be described as the depths of the oceans. Holding her tickets, she debated throwing them out or giving them to some young child who didn’t have any.
“Hanji!” a voice called, and Hanji craned her head to see Petra waving to her.
Nanaba, Oluo and Erwin accompanied her. As they reached her, Hanji dreaded the torrent of questions. They never came though.
Instead, Petra asked her if she wanted to join them for the remainder of the day. Hanji sighed, and gave her friends a small smile. “Sure, I’d really appreciate that.”
Petra and Nanaba dragged her friend to the Ferris Wheel. When they got there, Hanji was in awe of how the ride towered over her like the Colossal Titan. She’d never rode it before, but as she watched it loop, she decided that if she were going to use her tickets, it would be on this. They got into the long-winding line that snaked down to the benches, and Hanji was determined to put the previous events of the day out of her mind.
Where is she? Levi thought as he ran around the carnival, bumping into multiple people, but none of them Hanji. Tears pricked his eyes as he repeated his apology like a mantra. “I never should’ve had said what I said,” he squeezed his eyes shut and prayed, “Please don’t let it be too late.”
Hanji stood near the front of the line with the others, and she found herself wondering about what Levi was doing. She might’ve been too harsh, but he had been out of line, she told herself.
A young woman was working the ride, and she took their tickets. “Last ride of the day!” she called, and Hanji looked up at the cloudless sky, now a midnight purple.
Nanaba sat beside her and gave her a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry if today didn’t go the way you imagined it.”
Hanji shrugged, and looked past her. “Its fine. I just don’t want to talk about it.”
The ride operator leaned over to pull down the safety bar, and that’s when she heard it.
“Hanji! Hanji!” Hanji’s eyes widened in surprise as she saw Levi sprinting to the Ferris Wheel.
He pushed through the line as people shouted at him. “You can’t just cut through!”
Levi glared at them and got to the front of the line. “Maybe you've heard of me, I'm Levi Ackerman, and you can’t tell me what to do!” He reached into his pockets and muttered. “No tickets.”
The woman at the front shrugged her shoulders. “Sorry, no tickets, no ride.”
Nanaba’s eyes took on a devilish quality as she leapt out, motioning to her seat. “He can have mine!” she shouted as Levi jumped into the cart, next to Hanji.
Hanji reached over to undo the belt so she could get out, but Levi grabbed her hand. “Hanji, listen to me.”
She clapped her hands over her ears, muttering, “I don’t care what you have to say to me.” If Levi knew Hanji as well as he thought he did, what he was going to do would work. He let out a sigh as the ride began.
“Hanji, it was never my intention to hurt you in any way. Its just so hard for me to explain.”
Hanji lowered her hands and placed them in her lap. “I’m listening.”
“Whenever you’ve been around me, its like you see me. You see me for who I am, not some glorified soldier. You see me as a living, breathing human being with my flaws and you still respect me for it. You see me as me, and I’m so shocked by that, I sometimes forget myself who I am around you, and I can’t explain it.”
He paused for a second, breathless.
Hanji looked at him, eyes full of respect and something more. “And you’re saying?”
Levi stopped for a moment to form his words before speaking. “I didn’t mean to compare you to trash, you’re not. You’re the most brilliant person I’ve ever met in this shitty world, and I like you. I’m saying I really like you Hanji, and if you’re still mad at me, after hearing that, that’s fine with me.”
The Ferris Wheel reached a peak, and Hanji wordlessly snaked her palm into his, curling her fingers around it.
He turned to look at her, and she gave him a small smile, eyes glistening. “Thanks Levi. You have no idea what that means to me.”
Nanaba gave a small hoot as Mike joined her by the Ferris Wheel.
“What happened?” he asked.
Nanaba gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. “You missed the entire thing. I think he confessed to her, but I’m not sure. Can’t hear them from down here.”
Mike snorted, keeping to himself what he had told Levi. “I’m glad they finally sorted it out.”
Nanaba leaned on him, giving a little laugh. “So am I.”
Erwin sat back in his seat, smug. He was on the cart below Levi and Hanji and had heard the entire exchange. “Its about time.” he said to nobody in particular as the ride finished.