Chapter Text
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If there is one thing I know of certainly at this point in my life, it will have to be the fact that I hate winter nights.
Skies that fall dark early and the wind that howls endlessly throughout the lonely nights. Oh how I hate it. I despise and tonight is no exception.
As I hopelessly drag the soles of my feet through the crowded streets of people, I can feel every sharp cut of the wind as it continues to dance down on the city of Seoul.
I glance around me to see families and couples who have each other to warm up to. They had real warmth, something I knew that had slipped right through my fingertips and could never be obtained again. Something I had lost during that summer where my memories lay forgotten.
Sighing deeply, I finally sit myself down on an empty park bench. I crouch over, letting my head fall into my hands, taking in each breath pathetically. My memories begin to slip back to the past unconsciously. Slowly, things like pain and sadness is creeping back from the shadows.
I thought I had coiled them away within my subconscious self but clearly not, as his smile vaguely flashes pass my eyelids every time I close them. They get clearer every time I blink and it frightens me to see how vivid the memories of that person still remained after all of these years spent running away, erasing and forgetting.
I had swore to never look back and yet here I am, desperately trying to erase his smile.
My stable state of mind is wavering and what triggered this was probably because my current girlfriend had just broken up with me. I'm not wavering because I'm heartbroken. I'm just confused.
Confused as to why I'm not as hurt as I should be, yet instead I'm here thinking about the past that is long gone. No. not the past with her. But with him, Jeon Jungkook.
And because I realise what my mind is doing without me even noticing it myself, I keep remembering the last conversation I had with her just moments ago.
(Quick flashabck)
"Did you even love me?"
She asked and it made me think.
Did I really love her?
"I did care for you," Was all I could manage to say pathetically to her after a long pause.
Why was I hesitating when it was the truth ? I did care for her.
"But you have never said that you loved me,"
She replied as tears began to settle around the brim of her eyes.
I was at a sudden lost for words because what she had was in fact true.
"I'm sorry," Was all I could mumble through my frozen cold lips from the winter wind.
Kim Hee ah, I'm truly sorry. I am. Please forgive this selfish bastard.
"Have you even loved someone before? Do you understand the feelings of loving someone, Kim Taehyung? "
She asked me, now in tears knowing well and truly that I had never loved her. Or rather I couldn't.
It felt like there were a thousand thorns lodged inside my throat and the slightest of movements would tear my insides apart.
So all I did was stood there and watched as the back I had tried to get used to watching, walked away. And as she was walking away, a familiar back I hadn't seen in years began to flash through my eyes, trying to distort my reality. With just that I knew exactly why there were thorns stuck inside my throat...
It was Jungkook.
Because the answer to her question was that simple. If I could answer her back then. I would have said.
"Because I still loved Jeon Jungkook."
(End of flashback)
The more I think about those kind of thoughts, the more I begin to hate myself, even more than these winter nights.
"I'm so helpless," I sigh to myself as I fall back onto the brick wall behind me. Looking up into the clear night sky, I begin to notice that even though it is winter right now, the stars are not hidden behind the thick layer of clouds and it had reminded me of those summer nights.
I close my eyes and allow myself fall into the deep abyss one last time and when I wake up, I will be able to revert back to my usual self. I will let my feelings and memories run wild.
Just for tonight.
Just for you,
Jungkook-ah
A/N: This story will take place in Taehyung's POV :) unless started otherwise