Chapter Text
Scott, 4:46pm: hey, are you out?
Lucas, 4:48pm: yep :]
Scott, 4:52pm: if you have a sec could you grab these from the pet shop [2 attachments]
Scott, 4:53pm: sorry to ask, just swamped!! will be home at 6 but it closes at half 5
Lucas, 4:56pm: on it boss [1 attachment]
Lucas, 4:57pm: meet you at yours at 6
—
Lucas clicks his phone off and places it back in his pocket, then pulls his hand back out to meet Jacob’s.
“I said I’d grab some stuff from the pet shop for Scott before it shuts. Looks like some dental chews and some kind of dog health food, I think.” Lucas scrunches his face up a little as he wonders if he’s right.
“Can do, yeah.” After so long, Jacob’s just happy to be involved in menial parts of Lucas’ life like this. A few years ago, neither could have imagined that the longest-distance-possible would be broken for good. It seemed so out of reach, Jacob joining Lucas in Cardiff for more than a week or two twice a year. Now, though, it’s dark before 5pm, raining non-stop, and Jacob is out of breath from the street’s incline. Cold and damp, Jacob wonders why the fuck they had to beat the stereotypes. Lucas could’ve done the typical thing of moving to Australia in his late-twenties-early-thirties, but no, this is them. Despite Jacob’s lighthearted grudges against the Welsh weather and hills, it’s everything either of them could’ve ever asked for.
“Sorry, I know we said we’d get home soon. It’s just round the corner, and he’ll be home at six, so it’s only–”
Lucas’ overexplaining is cut off by Jacob, in a reassuring tone, reminding him he’s got to stop doing that. “It’s fine, Lu, honestly. The pet shop’s kinda fun anyway.” Jacob squeezes Lucas’ hand a little tighter as the two continue trudging down the street, illuminated only by orange streetlights and white headlights. The pressure between Lucas’ fingers of Jacob’s, squeezing, reminds Lucas of how real it all is. Walking down the streets of his home city, held (even just a little) by the man he loves, without the looming dread of it ending in a week. Dull tasks like pairing socks, changing bedding, pet shop trips for friends – Lucas remembers when he thought it was just a fantasy.
The pet shop will at least be a refuge from the drizzle; the sort of rain that you can’t quite see from indoors, but soaks you straight through once you step outside. One stubborn curl hanging over his forehead, out from underneath his hat, is insistent on dripping rainwater onto Lucas’ face as he and Jacob walk. It would’ve made Lucas quite miserable, he imagines, if it wasn’t for Jacob walking beside him. As much as his response to any comments from friends abroad about the rain is always “you get used to it,” Lucas never really has. No one actually likes, or is even neutral about, walking around with damp jeans and sopping wet hair.
“It’ll get us out of this at least.” Lucas sighs, side-stepping away from the road as a car passes at speed, too close to a curbside puddle for Lucas’ liking. “Idiot,” he mutters under his breath at the long-gone driver.
“You can’t even drive and you’re always road-raging,” Jacob smiles, giving Lucas a playful nudge. Lucas drops his head and chuckles. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re right, it’s just… very you.”
“‘Very you’... whatever that means,” Lucas teases back with an eye roll, lightly shoving Jacob with his shoulder as they approach the pet shop. They haven’t gotten past the phase of the in-person relationship where they don’t take every opportunity for physical touch just yet. Probably sickening to everybody around them, Lucas knows, as does Jacob. Neither of them care too much for it – they’ll be as sickly sweet as they want. They’ve waited long enough.
Stepping through the automatic doors, the warmth of the indoors and the scent of sawdust hits Lucas and Jacob immediately. It’s not the biggest pet shop in the world, but Lucas guesses Scott wouldn’t have sent him there if they wouldn’t have what he asked for. Unfamiliar with the layout of the shop, and what he was meant to be looking for, Lucas pauses by the doors as he peels his hood down and hat off. Jacob potters slightly ahead, doing the same with his own coat before nodding “come on” at Lucas and heading towards an aisle.
“We might as well just go up and down. We’ve got, like, twenty-five minutes til they close, anyway. And another thirty until Scott’s home.”
Lucas agrees with just an “mhm”, trailing slightly behind Jacob in the aisle, eyes flicking up and down the shelves for what Scott had sent him photos of. This doesn’t seem like the aisle; all the bags of food have little guinea pigs and rabbits on them.
“This one looks like you,” Jacob giggles as he points at a brown, curly-haired guinea pig on a green and yellow bag of packaged food.
Lucas catches up to Jacob, realising he’s right – it really does look like him. He scans the shelf for a photo of a long-haired blonde guinea pig, but fails. Lucas sulks.
“None of them look like you.”
It’s weirdly endearing when Lucas lightheartedly sulks, Jacob thinks as a butterfly flutters through his chest at the puppy-dog eyes Lucas is giving him. He’s such a sweetheart – Jacob’s favourite name for him – that little pictures of guinea pigs are enough to tug on his heartstrings. Jacob ruffles Lucas’ half-wet-half-dry hair a little with a slight smile.
“We’ll find something that looks like me somewhere. Come on.”
At the end of the aisle, in the very back of the store, is Jacob’s favourite part of the pet shop; fish. It’s a dimly-lit nook, as the fish section of most pet shops are. The tanks lined up along the wall are illuminated a deep blue, the fish just little flecks of colour darting on by. Lucas has to admit it did look cool, but still, it makes him sad. Those tanks can’t be big enough. Plus, no one actually cares about the signs plastered on the tanks about no glass-tapping. Lucas drags his feet a little and sighs softly as Jacob watches the fish swim around. No tapping, thankfully. Jacob senses his mild discomfort and apologises, which Lucas reminds him with a smile he doesn’t need to do. He’d rather Jacob was vegan, too, but he can’t force him. It’s not something you’ll stick to if you’re not all the way on board, Lucas figures. At least they can agree that the sounds of the bubbles and running water are relaxing, as is the blue light.
“Attention shoppers, this is a reminder that we will be closing in fifteen minutes, please start making your way to checkout, and thanks for shopping.”
“Right, find the dog stuff,” Lucas wrings his hands, glad to have a diversion away from the surely-unhappy animals. He spins around, Jacob following, and heads down the next aisle.
“You’re not gonna like that aisle,” Jacob warns Lucas, seeing ahead the small wooden and plastic enclosures ahead for the hamsters, guinea pigs, and rabbits.
Lucas just sighs an “I know,” scanning the shelves on either side for dog food and dental sticks. “You know, I don’t know how those things are even allowed.”
“The cages?”
“Yeah. I mean, imagine your house is only, what, five full steps long?”
Jacob considers Lucas’ statement silently, and can’t bring himself to challenge it.
“And then some kids' parents buy you for twenty quid and shove you in a Christmas box, and then you die in middle age because they can’t look after you, and you’re not meant to be kept like that, and you just eat fucking carrots forever.” Passionate, Lucas starts gesturing with hands and eyes as he rants, making his way down the aisle, eyes still scanning for what they came here for.
Jacob scans the right shelves while Lucas scans the left.
After a pause, Jacob speaks up. “You’re right. It’s a sad existence.”
Lucas shoots an acknowledging smile back, though Jacob’s back is turned to search shelves. Lucas turns his own.
“I like when you’re passionate about stuff, though. Wish I had it in me, too,” Jacob adds.
“I’ll get you eventually.”
“Oh, you’re getting there already.” It isn’t just what Lucas wants to hear; it’s true. Lucas is really rubbing off on Jacob by now. What people had always said about your partner making you a better person, more receptive, calmer, all of it – Jacob thinks it’s especially true of Lucas.
“Ah!” Lucas finds it, right before the aisle turned into torturous little cages – dog stuff. Pulling his phone out to cross-reference the photos from Scott and the bags on the shelf, he finds the bag of kibble almost immediately.
“You got it?” Jacob asks, turning to see Lucas pulling a sack off the shelf nearly the size of his torso.
“Fucking hell,” Lucas whispers, taken aback by the weight. “Do they not make a smaller one?”
Jacob scoops it from Lucas’ arms, no request needed. “Here, I’ll get it. Doesn’t look like it. Dog’s never gonna be hungry again!”
“Suppose so… Those sticks must be round here somewhere.”
Lucas carries on walking the length of the aisle, slowly and deliberately, Jacob trailing just behind. Just when Lucas had started thinking he’d missed the dental sticks, he spots them in a floor-level container attached to the bottom shelf.
“It was these,” he confirms to Jacob as he kneels and grabs two packets. Pulling himself back to his feet, looking up in front of him now, Lucas realises what’s on the rest of the shelves. On the bottom, dog toys; squeaky chickens, tennis balls, teddies. On the top, collars. Lucas isn’t sure why the sight makes his stomach flip – the realisation it does makes his cheeks flush pink. He hopes Jacob chalks it up to it being warm in here. Lucas, ashamed, diverts the attention to the toys.
“Aw, look at this,” Lucas points at a sausage dog toy, squeezing it and hearing the signature dog toy squeak. “That’s got some complicated implications, a dog toy of a dog.”
Jacob laughs, putting the bag of kibble down with a heavy thud and joining Lucas by the toys and collars. “The chickens are silly, too.” He grabs one from the rail, shoving it in Lucas’ face and making it squeal. Lucas playfully bats it away, grinning at Jacob.
“Yeah, and you’re annoying. Put it back, we should go soon.”
As Jacob turns to put the squealing chicken toy back on the rail – an unreasonably fiddly task – Lucas finds himself transfixed. Staring into the rows of collars, about twenty different designs and colours, Lucas’ mind wanders into a sort of nothingness. It’s as if some kind of wall melts away, letting everything go. It’s the exact opposite of tension, which is why the sharp pang of shame cutting through the fuzziness hits Lucas so strongly as he gazes.
Jacob, noticing Lucas’ attention on the collars, diverts his own there, too. Some of them are simple, made with black fabric, maybe leather. Some of them are more elaborate and colourful. Jacob thinks if they were to have a pet, they’d get a crazy, elaborate, fun collar. Maybe one of those ones with lights in – ah, speaking of which. Jacob pulls one from the shelf, the collar lighting up red, green and blue. He goes to show Lucas his choice for their hypothetical future dog. He notices, though, that Lucas isn’t so much paying attention to the collars, but staring into space. Or, staring into collars.
“You good?”
Immediately, Lucas is brought out of his own head, though that unfamiliar, disconcerting, warm softness lingers in his chest. Jacob would’ve thought nothing of it – it wasn’t uncommon for Lucas to zone out mid-task – if it wasn’t for Lucas’ reaction to his question.
“Y- yeah! Why?” Lucas’ cheeks burn as he feigns ignorance. He was fine, really, but maybe too fine. Was looking at dog collars meant to make him feel like… pathetic mush? He wasn’t a dog.
Jacob decides he won’t push it. Not for now, anyway. He’s not stupid, he knows some people are into that. The pet shop wasn’t the place he particularly wanted to ask his boyfriend if that’s why his face was bright red. Although, they were probably pretty used to it. Instead, Jacob just smiles, says okay, and shows Lucas the light-up collar.
“I think I’d have this one for a dog. It’s so extra.”
As Jacob talks to a brick wall, Lucas’ eyes are locked on one specific collar and just wont let go. It’s dark green – his favourite colour – fake leather, but sturdy-looking. On the front is a small imprint of a bone. The metal parts aren’t the usual cheap silver, but are painted gold. Lucas thinks it feels as if it was made especially for him. Of course, it hadn’t been, it had been made for a dog, which is why Lucas couldn’t let on the way he felt. He wasn’t a dog, and it was weird.
Lucas tries to avert his eyes and let go of the image of his perfect collar. It isn’t perfect for a dog, it’s perfect for him. Totally different thing than what Jacob’s talking about, therefore irrelevant to the conversation. The shame from the heat in his chest and the feeling he can only describe as ‘tiny’ almost make Lucas want to whine. It wouldn’t help his case. He has to act harder than he’s acted in a while.
“Or the pink ones,” Jacob mutters as he fiddles with a neon pink sparkly collar.
Lucas tries to swallow the fuzzy feeling and bury it deep down, maybe to be explored in quiet internet searches later. “Oh, yeah, that’s you for sure.” Fuck. Should he have said that? You?
“You think?” Jacob smiles, looking back at the collar on the rail. “Yeah. Yeah probably.”
A moment of silence passes; so tense you could slice the air for Lucas, less so for Jacob. Of course, he had sensed something, but didn’t put much thought into what. Honestly, the whole dog thing was amongst the things Jacob never thought he could be into. It was a relatively certain feeling, but Lucas definitely had something on his mind. Jacob decided he would subtly try to find out what.
“Which one would be yours?” Jacob asks, keeping his tone casual and flippant. His eyes flick the aisle, a little more genuinely intrigued than he’d care to admit. Not that Jacob’s interest had to mean anything.
Lucas’ heart drops at the question as the air in the shop turns to ice. There’s no way Jacob doesn’t know something’s up. How is Lucas even supposed to explain it? He has no idea what it is that he feels, let alone what’s wrong with him to make him feel it. All Lucas knows is that, whatever it is, whyever it is, it’s weird, because he isn’t a dog. It’s also strange that he keeps having to repeat that to himself, as if trying to convince himself of something.
Lucas watches, frozen, as Jacob gets closer and closer to that collar. On his way, he stops at a black and white star-patterned fabric collar.
“Hmm, maybe,” Jacob remarks. Lucas would be lying if he said he hasn’t gazed at that one, too.
Keep it casual. “Not a bad choice.” Lucas’ voice is meek as Jacob’s eyes meet the forest green and gold collar. Jacob knew him so well, there was no way he wouldn’t mention it.
Lucas is quickly proven right, heart pounding in his chest as Jacob’s voice rings out in his ears.
“Oh, this one, for sure!”
Jacob’s excitement at his discovery almost melts some of the tension in the air away, but nowhere near enough for Lucas to be comfortable. He hasn’t felt so vulnerable, so exposed, in a good few years. Nothing is even happening; they’re looking at dog collars. Jokingly. Yet, despite the deep strangeness of it all, Lucas can’t shake the feeling of being truly enamoured. It isn’t just the collar; it’s what it signifies, too. Security, safety, ownership, commitment, whatever you call it. Being truly and visible someone’s. It's not even sexual, he thinks. No, it’s something somehow more personal and intimate that Lucas doesn’t have the words for yet. He’s not sure if the lack of words for his experience is comforting, as he can’t slip up and speak the words, or disconcerting. What if he’s just a freak? Worse, what if Jacob thinks he is?
Only one way to avoid that possibility – act normal.
“Mhm, the green and gold is really nice!” His tone high-pitched, Lucas is unsure if the vocal choice makes him sound more unbothered, or just really fucking weird. Before he can decide between the two, something moves towards his neck.
Jacob, realising just how Lucas the collar is, pulls it from the railing and takes it in his hand. For vegan leather, as it says on the tag, it feels sturdy. Clearly it’s not real gold from the price, but it looks nice anyway, he thinks. He loves Lucas in these colours. To see what he wants (and, secretly, to see Lucas’ reaction), he holds the collar to his boyfriend’s neck. He doesn’t put it around Lucas’ neck, or even unbuckle it, just holds it about an inch away from where it’d sit if it were worn.
Jacob certainly gets a reaction. Somehow, Lucas’ cheeks turn redder than they had been already. The puppy-dog eyes from earlier made a return, maybe more literally this time. Jacob, too, feels something he can’t quite explain to himself. On one hand, this is definitely weird, and probably sexual. On the other hand, his stomach flips as Lucas looks at him with such fogged eyes and what Jacob can best recognise as desperation, or maybe embarrassment. Regardless of which, the pet shop definitely isn’t the place to talk about whatever this is.
“This is a customer announcement, it’s 5:30pm and the store is now closing, please make your way to checkout, and as always, thank you for shopping with us.”
Thank God for tannoys.
Jacob snaps out of it first, placing the collar back where it belongs and speaking up.
“Yeah, that’d be yours.” He picks up the unnecessarily large bag of kibble from the ground. “Let’s go,” Jacob continues, smiling at Lucas, despite his conflicting feelings about what he’d just done.
Lucas loosens his grip on the packets of dental sticks in his hand. He hadn’t realised that he’d been white-knuckling them for what felt like half an hour. Only one thing was certain in his mind as he watched Jacob walk towards the checkout desk – for whatever reason, he really liked that. It wasn’t a comforting thought to be certain of. Anxiety bubbled in Lucas’ chest, hands and feet turning frigid, at least compared to his burning cheeks. He just had to get out of here and forget about it. Avoidance tended to work for Lucas.
“Yeah,” and a soft smile was all Lucas could manage as he picked his feet up, which seemed to weigh a tonne each, and walked towards checkout with Jacob. In a desperate attempt to do anything but think about that collar, or the fuzzy feeling in his head, Lucas reaches for his phone to update Scott.
Lucas, 5:28pm: hey wegot ur stuff see uou soon
Lucas, 5:28pm: we got*
Lucas, 5:28pm: you*
Lucas, 5:29pm: sorry lol :[
---