Chapter Text
Volcaldera Bluffs - July 4th 201M2023BC
I feel a cold breeze that goes throughout my whole body, and I decide to ignore it.
Yesterday I stayed up late unpacking all of our stuff, so it was my time to sleep till the afternoon If I so desired it... No, I deserved it.
Another breeze comes, and yet again, in my barely awake state, I decide to ignore it and tug myself further into my blanket...
Where is my blanket?
I frenetically move my hands around the bed and yet. I do not find any trace of it...
As I am starting to feel frustrated by this nonsense, I slowly open my eyes, only to see one of the most disgusting and vile gremlin-like creature that could grace this godforsaken earth standing in front on my bed.
"Wakey, wakey my sleeping beauty! Don't you love the cold July air? Hmmm?" says the goblin.
As I fully open my eyes, I answer him. "Fuck off Tommy, I'm trying to sleep. Also, July isn't meant to be cold here." I say, with a frustrated tone.
"Yeah, but 6:00 AM and an open window truly makes you feel like you are in Alaskadon doesn't it?" he says with a smirk on his face.
As I am now fully conscious and sitting on my bed, I realize that this jackass had snuck into my room and opened my window fully. Before deciding if fifteen years in jail are truly worth it right now, I ask him calmly,
"What do you want Tommy? If its not a good enough reason, you are getting punched, and if you answer in any gay-ass intonation, you are getting two punches" I say groggily.
"Well... First, you promised that we were going to go shopping for groceries and general supplies. Second... this is payback for what you did during the bus travel. Third, I simply like fucking with you~!" said the dwarf twink.
"Yeah, at 1:00 PM! Not right now! That's it, you’re getting three punches!" I say as one of my fists collides with his right arm.
"Ow! I gave you a valid reason!" he says, as my second punch is coming towards his left arm.
"Yeah! But I am pretty pissed off either way!" I say, as he evades the punch gracefully.
"You are gonna have to catch me then!" he says as he runs towards the kitchen.
"Tommy you goddam low-tier gooner bait come back here!"
Tommy then pops out from my bedroom doorframe and talks in a dead-serious tone. "No, but for real Mark, get dressed, we are leaving in 25 minutes."
I sigh, there is no winning with engaging in further discussion once he uses that tone. Its the "I swear to Raptor Jesus that I will make your life living hell if you do not comply" tone that is characteristic of Tommy.
I get up from bed and immediately feel my bones crumble to dust from all the heavy lifting we did yesterday... well, mostly me if I'm being honest.
I close both my window and door, locking them in process, as there is no need to give him more ammunition.
Looking around, I find my beloved mirror near my bedframe, ready to show me who is the fairest one in the world. I give myself a good look and proudly proclaim,
"Well, hello there, handsome! Who is a one hundred and twenty kilograms, two-meter-tall, killing machine?! Yeah baby, It's yours truly!" I say as I flex (ow!) my bulging muscles.
A muffled voice comes from the kitchen. "Door-height my ass. You’re shorter than you think, heavier than you admit, and in a real fight you’d be out of breath before throwing a punch!."
"And you are just a twink, barely taller than a table that by his thirty's is gonna look like the cheapest hooker on the crappiest of neighborhoods you gay wad!" I say loudly towards my door.
"Don't be a moron! You know that we simply stop aging when we reach our twenty's. Middle school is definitely were your peak stays though!" says the same muffled voice.
Fuck it. I don't have time to lose by entertaining him.
After my clear victory on this topic, I head to the bathroom and do the same routine that I've kept up for years.
Brush my teeth. Use some generic mouthwash labeled "Fresh breath powered by Listerasaurus". Comb my generic anime protagonist isekai-slop-like black hair. Spray myself deodorant featuring two T-rexes mauling each other (Hell yeah!). Splash cool water in my face (something I really should do at the start, but can’t be fucked with). Then I exit to change my clothes.
Feeling fresh as fuck today, I decide to spice up my style.
In order to save money, I bulk-bought two identical sets of clothes from a second-hand store back in Nethermost. I mean, what kind of chump bulk-buys only one set? You need the casual one and the one for special occasions.
On goes my white tank top, a red jacket that I didn't realize was patterned like a lumberjack’s when I bought it... fuck. My cyan looking (What shade of blue is this?) jeans, and classic white indoor soccer shoes from better times when I wasn’t a complete blimp.
I exit the room, grabbing my empty backpack and stuffing three reusable shopping bags inside. I am NOT paying seventy-five cents for more of these damned bags. We have like fifteen of them.
As I step into the living room, the gremlin starts a conversation. "I thought I told you we were going shopping, not getting firewood?" he says, barely holding back laughter.
"Oh fuck off. I rock the lumberjack style!" I reply proudly, gesturing at my outfit.
"You look like a divorced father from a 90s sitcom!" He says going into a laughing fit. "Or Timmy Baryonyx in that episode where he wished to be a grown-up!"
I want to clap back, but I cant. Fuck! He actually looks decent.
Lightweight black knit sweater. Beige tailored joggers (I think that's what they were called?) And some cyan canvas shoes. I really need to Gruugle what shades of blue exist.
All the times that I told mom that I didn’t care what randoms thought about my clothing choices are coming to bite me in the ass.
"Not going for the crop top? Why so... casual?" I say, malding internally.
"I'm saving that for school. This is just the supermarket. Come on, lets go!" He said cheerfully
Just as we are about to leave, our phones buzz in unison. We already knew who it is.
In our WhatSaurus group chat a message appeared.
- Today -
[Agent 47]: Yooo, you guys up?
[Me]: Yeah, some asshole woke me up at 6:00 AM to go grocery shopping
[Link]: we are going shopping rn, best time for getting everything fresh
[Agent 47]: Cool cool, I am going to unpack rn, was too tired yesterday
[Me]: Do you want to come with us?
[Link]: yeah! come on jack lets go!
[Link]: come on come on come on come on come on
[Agent 47]: Nah guys, I already bought everything before coming only need veggies rn
[Agent 47]: And there is a 24/7 store like 1 minute from my apartment
[Agent 47]: Also it takes me like an hour and a half to get there in metro, so no way I am shopping there!
[Me]: Apparently they have some really good discounts, but either way text you later then.
[Link]: yeah me too
[Agent 47]: Wait I saw a meme about something and need to test it
[Me]: ?
[Link]: oh shit are we going to get canceled?
Suddenly, a new text message appears to me in our personal chat.
[Me]: If you don't give Pearl her salad this summer, I will kill you.
-Today -
[Agent 47]: Fat fuck
[Me]: Fuck you, you bald cunt
[Agent 47]: Saw a meme about a guy telling his best friend that he is a fat ass every day and he lost like 300 pounds, will test it on you!
[Agent 47]: Alright, have a good time!
"What did he send you?" Tommy asked me.
"Some brain-rot shit" I answered.
"I told him to stop watching those compilations, they will give him mental retardation" Tommy said while laughing to himself.
"Damn, using the R word while you are a fag? That’s friendly fire!" I said with a shit-eating grin.
Tommy rolled his eyes. "Oh, fuck you, lardass"
Finally, Tommy was mad. It felt like all the pain from yesterday and this morning just subsided in a moment. I had achieved Nirvana. Truly, revenge is best served with derogatory terms.
"Sure sure, lets go already, its almost 6:40" I said with a calm and alleviated expression, hopping to annoy Tommy even more.
"Alright" he said in a calm demeanor. Damn, he is too good at controlling his emotions quickly.
The metro ride was uneventful, with both of us just checking our phones and doing some small talk.
The metro left us about seven to ten minutes away from the supermarket. As we approached the five-minute benchmark of just walking, I start heavily breathing through my mouth. Either it’s because this place is at a higher elevation above sea level than Nethermost and my body is not ready for lower oxygen levels, or I’m terribly out of shape... Let’s go with the first one.
We finally made it to the supermarket, and as we enter, I open my arms and let the cool air of the entrance AC hit me at full force.
- Tommy POV -
After entering the supermarket, I can see that it definitely was a good idea waking up Mark early. This place is huge! And packed to the brim with newly stocked items!
The amount of recipes I will have Mark prepare for us is going to be glorious, with everything this place seems to have to offer.
I turn around to gloat about my superiority for coming early, only to find him doing some kind of pose in the entrance, staring at the AC while a nearby employee looks at us. God I hope he doesn't think we are crackheads with how this moron is behaving...
"You are sweaty, Mark! You will get sick if you get hit with the AC at full blast!" I say to him, loud enough for him to hear but not the employee.
"Alright, alright mom. My lungs were wheezing from the low oxygen of this city. Needed a little rest so they catch up" he says.
What? I'm pretty sure the sea level is the same as in Nethermost, but whatever.
We need to get everything before the "blood-thirsty for discount mothers" come to take all the good deals, as Jack calls them.
Although having me acting as a lost child towards them while Mark and Jack quickly pick up the discounted items under their noses as they are distracted was extremely funny in our old town, we are currently lacking a pir of hands.
"Lets split, fatso." I said, giving my most earnest smile to him. "We can clear the aisles faster that way, as fast as when you eat a dozen hamburgers"
He simply shrugs and nods his head. Damn, soon you'll crack, my dearest friend.
I tell Mark what we need and with two different shopping carts we split.
I believe there are barely any other souls here, as we can traverse pretty quickly without hitting another person with our shopping carts. Between aisles, we briefly see each other, and after some time, we had meet up on the frozen foods aisle with both of our carts now looking like something a middle-class family would buy for Christmas.
"Everything is discounted?" I ask him
"Yeah, this place is suspiciously full of promotions and discounts everywhere. Are you sure it's not a front for a money laundering scheme?"
I shrug. "Don't know, but I can tell with certainty that we are going to become regulars here"
"Cant complain, got myself so many 3x2 cereals offers that the concept of breakfast might have been officially defeated" Mark says with a bright smile
"That's great! We almost got everything, lets just pick the meats here and bail. Told you coming here early was worth it!" I say while looking at him smugly.
He grunts. "Alright, alright... Yet you still owe me two punches" He looks back at me.
One of the things Mark always does is being extremely competitive when it comes to banter and what not. He will need to win it, even if its not a competition.
Its one of the things that makes him... well, him. Through almost eleven years of knowing him and Jack you just naturally pick up these type of quirks that they have. Another one is that if this fucker says he will Gruugle something, it is almost a one-hundred-percent chance he won't. Same shit if he guarantees he will do something that involves physical labor. The only way to move him is to emotionally manipulate him or piss him off, things that me and Jack are pretty good about it.
And yet, I cant help but smile knowing I got these two morons as my best friends, though I wish Jack was also with us this high school year. Its going to be so weird that the three of us are not together..
"Hey man, you okay? You're, uhm, kind of getting misty eyes" Mark says to me with a concerned look.
"Yeah, don't worry. Its just the frozen chicken aroma messing with my nostrils" I lie while fake rubbing my eyes.
“Alright, you go grab the milk and I’ll take care of things here.”
"No no, don't worry, I got this. I can choose the best meats here easily!"
"Yet you can't cook for shit"
Alright jackass, that snide was not necessary
"Anyway, be back in two minutes tops."
I'm sure that he noticed that was not true reason I was getting teary eyed. When it comes to how people are feeling or speaking Mark is strangely pretty sharp at understanding their emotions or intentions. But I sure am glad he doesn't try to push it with questions.
Well, psychoanalysis out of the way, I already got most things, just missing some good ol' nuggets!
Huh. The nugget section looks like it wasn't restocked. There are only 4 bags remaining, and they are all for Dino nuggets, the kind only children eat. Welp, not gonna concern myself when they are at a whopping sixty-five percent off!
I go to grab all four bags at the same time when, suddenly, someone had though of doing the same thing at the corner of my eyes.
A pterosaur that is smaller than me (not by a big margin, to be honest), with blonde hair, lightly colored blue scales and a green floral dress had also tried to do the same as me. Everything from her said that she was, indeed, a mother. However, in the war of grocery buying, one must not falter.
"G-good morning to you ma'am! P-pleasure to meet you, my name is T-Thomas, and n-not to be rude to you in this beautiful morning... b-but my three little sisters l-love this type of nuggets and I would a-appreciate it if I could get nuggets..." I say with a dejected tone, almost a whimper.
With my acting skills at level one hundred, I just casted the perfect bait. No mother can resist seeing a young lad struggling to help his family. Those nuggets are MINE, LADY.
"Oh my!" she says. "What a hardworking young man!" she giggles.
Her slitted eyes opened slightly showing a pair of golden irises... Why does it feels like the ambient got colder?
"However..." Another giggle escapes her. "A mother's intuition is telling me we got a little liar."
"It is in my honor as a mom that I must get my little Lucy's favorite, one way or another"
That last part... It made me freeze up. A primal fear takes hold of me.
It seems I was not dealing with the average mother anymore.
In the corner of the isle I see Mark slowly making his way towards the nuggets. He is in a perfect position, ninety degrees behind the lady, perfectly out of vision. I can see him nod at me, the signal that our classic assault move was beginning, and that I must make sure to give it my all in order for the operation to be a success. Its showtime!
"I-I see, I know h-how hard it can be t-to make sure o-o-our loved ones are happy. F-for example the biggest of my little sisters she is-" I continue with the improvised lore dump and trauma dump while Mark slowly creeps up.
He moves both of his hand towards the nuggets, just shy of swooping the four bags.
You did well miss, I wont forget you for as long as I live. Friendship truly wins thr-
Suddenly, her right hand moves so fast I swear it displaced the air around us.
She completely grabs both of Mark's hands and had locks them into a grapple, without even looking at him.
What? What just happened?
"My my, I spy with my little eyes a thief!" she says.
Mark was frozen. He clearly is just as baffled as me.
He tries gently to get out of the grapple and fails. He didn't even make her use a fraction of her true power.
While I am distracted, her left hand swiftly takes the four bags and placed them into her cart. The bags enter through a small hole, sinking to the bottom.
This action causes her other groceries to collapse into the hole, sealing the nuggets fate, and making it impossible to ever be snatched.
She... had calculated all of this. She KNEW we did not have a chance and had the perfect plan beforehand. Why was this lady built different?!
She giggled. ""Built different?" No, I simply have raised two kids and one husband!"
Fuck. When I'm stressed or "stunned locked" as Mark says, I blurt out what I am thinking... quite crudely.
"Have a wonderful day boys, and don't forget to take good care of your sisters!" She said with a warm smile, while slowly pushing her cart towards the checkout.
Huh, they make them of different heights here, I suppose due to the different dino species.
WAIT THAT'S NOT WHAT'S IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW!
"What... What just happened?" Mark said perplexed. "That was not a... t-that was the fucking FINAL BOSS of motherhood!"
"I... have never seen something like that, she planned everything man, she was three steps ahead of us..."
We decide to continue with the last of the items in order to forget what happened, until I notice something in Marks cart. Well, particularly, that something is missing from it.
"Did you get the ribs?" I ask him.
"Oh, shit my bad, I had forgotten about them. You really need to give me a list or something huh?"
I roll my eyes and tell him to go get them quickly. He goes with our carts and turns the corner into the red meat section.
...
...
...
It's been 5 minutes, did he die of a heart attack on his way? I swear I saw the ribs just being a little bit further, after turning the corner into the other aisle.
I sigh. Better go there quickly, maybe he got distracted by a cake or something.
Huh, he is talking with a blue Spinosaurus lady. Oh, it seems she also wants the ribs. I see Mark make our signal, by putting his hand behind his neck.
Heh.
I place myself perfectly at a 90 degree angle behind her and slowly make my way towards the ribs.
its showtime!
...
As the cashier scans the last of our items, the sound of the beeping is the only thing that can drown out the cries of desperation and pain that our egos have begun to utter. Were the mothers of Nethermost the equivalent of easy difficulty while this ones are hardcore? What the hell is going on?
"That would be $78,89" says the clearly tired grey Deinonychus, with his hunched back and bags under his eyes. In his shirt a tag says "Hello. My name is Larry".
Not gonna sugar coat it, we are pretty poor by USA standards, but we had reunited some cash in order to move here and live. We share a bank account that had about $1.5k left in it after moving our things and travelling here.
I scan the debit card, while giving the cashier my ID. We load everything back into two shopping carts while we make our way towards the parking lot in order to search if some taxis had begun to park awaiting for passengers.
In the distance, we see the small pterosaur getting her groceries put into a car by... Raptor Jesus that is one big motherfucker! Its a brown pterosaur that looks to be two meters tall or even higher, with what seems like a permanent pissed-off face.
Though when he look at her as she is coming towards the car, his gaze shifts something gentler, almost like that of a gentle giant. That's definitely her husband.
Sheesh, he looks like he eats steel beams for breakfast... 'Though he IS pretty ripped. Big too. His arms looks like he could carry m- her in one fell swoop. He's not bad looking either... I wonder how bi-'
"FUCK, TOMMY, STOP FETISHIZING IN SO MUCH DETAIL" Mark exclaims loudly at my side.
I fucking hate this mumbling shit. I should really go to a neurologist or something.
I'm clearly getting completely red in embarrassment, but I cant let him know that, so-
"Oh, piss off. Just admiring the diversity of... y-you know, our dino compatriots!" Fucking nailed it.
"You disgusting dino lover. You truly are the freakiest of freak! Tommy, that is a married man, you homewrecker!" He exclaimed in an indignant tone, while flashing that wide, shit-eating grin I always want to punch.
Two can play that game, fatso.
"Fuck off. Don't think I didn't saw your search history. Who the fuck searches for "Brazilian Utah raptor that can pop my head off with her thighs" on DinoHub!" I tell him while looking directly at his eyes. "Also... why Brazilian?"
He turns red as a beet. Got you, son of a bitch!
"Tommy you fatherfucker! I told you to not look into my own stuff while you are borrowing my laptop!" Ah who cares what he thinks, I made him mad and that is al-
"I told you that I would erase your Clawtorio save file if you looked at my things!"
Oh fuck, oh no, I completely forgot about that! I cant lose my 400h save file, its my life's work!
"SorrypleasedonterasemysavefileIbegofyou!" I give him my best puppy eyes in an attempt to make him simply pardon me.
"Tommy, today two matriarchs taught me that there is a weakness in your acting skills. You no longer hold power over me. If, and only if, you are the one who brings the groceries into the apartment and organizes properly, I will not mess with your, oh-so-precious, Clawtorio."
You win this round, Mark, but I swear you will pay.
"Ffffine... I yield" I say annoyed, which brings back his shit eating grin.
After that, we notice the small pterosaur spotted us and is waving us goodbye. Looks like they finished putting everything in the car. Both of us wave back at her as she enters the car.
Her husband though... he stares at us like we are complete garbage. I feel a cold run through my spine... Yep that is definitely her husband.
Mark is staring back at him pretty pissed off. Honestly? 'That glare he is giving us is kind of hot not gonna lie fam'.
"Fag" I hear Mark say next to me while he is locked in the stare game. This mumbling shit is going to be the end of me.
Why God? Why did this shit have to appear after the-
Nope. Not thinking about that. We promised never to talk about it.
Deep breaths, Tommy, deep breaths.
I mentally sigh. I feel slightly better now.
Thankfully Mark didn't notice me or he would know what I was thinking about and start to worry.
The car starts to leave the parking lot, and the guy is still locked on a staring match with Mark, as he gets progressively more pissed off.
Come on, Mark... If he gets out of the car and beats the ever-living shit out of us, I swear I’m leaving your fat ass behind!
The car finally exits the parking lot into the street. "That's what I thought, asshole!" shouts Mark into the void, as he wears a triumphant smile.
I sigh in relief. "Lets just keep searching for that taxi"
...
After ten minutes of searching, not one taxi was parked in the whole lot. What, do people in this city all own cars?
We spot the blue Spinosaurus lady nearby, loading the groceries into her car along with another person. There is a small spino? Something? Looking kid inside.
"I feel like my legs are gonna give out man, I’m just gonna ask her if she has the number of a taxi service" Mark says between huffs.
As we get closer, we start to hear their conversation.
"Vinny, help us put the groceries in the car" she said in a calm but firm tone.
"But moooooom, you left me in the car with dad for an hour and he wouldn’t stop making unfunny jokes!" the small but energetic kid complains.
"Oof. Soph, seems I had a tough crowd tonight!" the man says while laughing and slapping his belly.
"Good morning" Mark says, trying to not make it seem like his heart is not about to explode of overexertion.
"Oh! Came back for round 2 of the lamb, boys?" the mother says playfully.
"No, no, we were destroyed fairly" Mark replies.
"We just wanted to ask if you happen to have the number for a taxi company?" I say sincerely. "We’re new to the city and thought that there’d be taxis waiting for passengers here at the supermarket, but we guessed wrongly"
"Well there’s a simple answer to that!" the man interjects. "People either take the metro, own a car, or call the one of the many taxi companies. I’ll give you the number of a really good one."
I finally notice that the man is a dilophosaurus, mainly due to the frills around his neck. He then turns towards his wife and says,
"You and Vinny can start loading the groceries in the back, right Soph?" while giving a small kiss to the forehead of the matriarch, which earns him a warm smile from her.
"Well, Vincent already ran to talk to your brother, so I can deal with the groceries in the mean time" She said while looking at me.
"Oh no, we are not related, he’s one of my best friends, Markus. I am Thomas" I say, while awkwardly giving her a handshake.
Thankfully she reciprocates amicably. "You can just call me Sophia, dear." Her husband laughs at the interaction.
"Call me Randy. We’ll probably run into each other since we always shop here, and calling me sir makes me feel old" he says while we shake hands.
“Thank you very much, Randy.”
"Also, welcome to Volcaldera Bluffs! I hope you get treated well here, it’s a really nice city and so are the folks" he tells me.
"It means a lot Randy, thank you for that" I say smiling.
He gives us the number, mentioning it was recommended by the professor of their daughter, who’ll be enrolling at St. Hammond in two days.
Huh, on her last year too. Same as Jack.
I thank him and turn around, going towards Mark, who seems to have caught his breath and started chatting up the kid.
"You see, although the Red Power Raptor is the most popular, it’s been shown that White is just, if not more powerful than Red. Not only that, he has many powers that are theorized he hasn’t used in order to keep his identity a secret!"
"Wow! 'Livy said the same thing!" said the kid with stars on his eyes.
"But in my opinion, Green is the coolest! Want to see my upgrade of his coolest attack?! Pleaaaase?!" he says, while giving Mark an expectant but hopeful look.
"Sure kid, give it your best shot!" Mark replies, while giving him a smile and entering some kind of karate stance?
"Wait Vinny! N-" Randy started saying.
Too late.
The vibrating child had already started his attack while striking a pose. I swear it looked like he applied something to his fists that were under his sleeves.
"Venom Punch Mach Two: V-style!" he shouts, as he uppercuts Mark straight in the stomach.
Holy shit.
I am left speechless, as Mark’s face suddenly contorts in pain. Dino strength is no joke if this kid can do that... then again, it is Mark who we are talking about.
"FFu-" Mark exclaims, then bites his tongue to hold it in. Respect where its due, for keeping it PG.
"Vincent!" Exclaimed both parents in unison, as they quickly make their way towards us.
"The evil-doer falls once again at the hands of the enigmatic Vinicious Green!" exclaims the triumphant hybrid-looking child.
Mark was down in one knee, but is now recuperating his balance. I go to help regain some composure, but while helping him up, I notice some green goo on his jacket.
"Mark, are you alright? And what’s that thing on your shirt?"
"I'm alright, it barely hurt" said Mark eyeing, the green puddle now forming on his shirt.
"What is this stuff?" he says confused, as his hands start to move in order to touch whatever the Dilophosaurus hybrid had left him.
Wait a minute... DILOPHOSAURUS?!
Just as I am about to yell at him to not touch it, Sophia stops him and hands him a disposable wipe.
"Don't touch that. It’s basically slightly acidic spit" she explains. "Don't worry, it only gets more potent when they reach puberty. Either way... You should wipe that... Now"
Mark starts scrubbing his jacket furiously, after hearing that last part.
I turn towards the father who exclaims proudly,
"Well, it could’ve been worse" Randy laughs, "Thankfully, he takes after his mother more than me. Otherwise you might’ve needed a new jacket" he finishes and shows us a toothy bright smile.
...
After the whole Power Raptors fiasco, Randy gives us his phone number, in case we need to ask about any service or inquiry we could have.
What a swell guy.
We say our goodbyes and head towards the exit. Just as I finish recording his number on my cellphone, Mark speaks up.
"Its for inquiries only, home wrecker. Don't get your hopes up" Flashing me the Mark grin™.
I begin to think that spending fifteen years in jail in exchange for killing him might be an offer too good to pass up.
Ignoring him, I decide to call to the taxi service... which, after only about two seconds, picks up.
"Good morn- well, afternoon actually" (shit, time passes so fast) "could we get a cab at-"
"Say no more, boss" the man in the call suddenly interrupts me. "I'm on my way". The call ends.
...What?
"Did... did that guy just hang up without hearing where we are?"
"I think so...? Maybe he ran out of cell service in a tunnel?"
As we are about to discuss this fascinating phone call, a taxi appears out of nowhere around the corner of the street, drifts into a perfect stop in front of us, and the driver casually says "Alright, put the groceries in the back and hop in, boys."
After stuffing the trunk completely full, for some reason, we both decide to get into the incredibly suspicious cab. Maybe we both have brain damage in some way.
Once inside, the yellow-scaled raptor asks for directions.
"Obsidian Heights Apartments, near the city center" I tell him.
The yellow raptor whistles. "Living in a pretty fancy place, eh?".
He then proceeds to break every single traffic law known to man while going at least thirty kilometers over the speed limit.
My phone suddenly buzzes. It's a WhatSaurus message from Mark
- Today -
[Ñoño]: Dude, we are about to get our organs harvested
[Me]: if it gets suspicious we jump and pray
While pondering if we’d survive jumping out of the car at the speed we’re going, I realize that we arrived.
I get out to open the trunk, still uneasy that this guy knows where we live, but there’s nothing we can do about it.
I notice Mark staring off into space.
"Mark, stop zoning out and help me get the groceries!" I say as I head towards the back of the taxi.
- Mark POV -
So if I picked him up and used him to cushion the fall, would I be able to survive at this speed? Nah. He’s too light for it to matter.
"Mark, stop zoning out and help me get the groceries!"
Oh shit. I was too engrossed in my thoughts and didn't realize we we’re already here.
"C’mon kid, got me a date with a beautiful lady tonight~ , need to get going".
Damn. Even the potential organ trafficker has a better romantic life than me. It’s truly over.
I lean out the window and tell Tommy: "Be careful with the eggs, they’re in the smallest bag!" before getting out.
After unloading all of the bags from the trunk, I go ahead to pay the drive.
I decide to leave a hefty tip, with the hopes that he doesn't think one of my kidneys would make a beautiful gift to whoever he is meeting later tonight.
"Here. Thanks for the fast ride".
He looks at the amount and exclaims "No need, kid. Always a pleasure to meet new fletching's in town. This one's on the house".
Before I can respond, he pedals to the metal, leaving me to inhale those delicious grey vapors that almost collapse my lungs.
"My favorite" I say dramatically, while making a sniffing motion.
"Those will give you cancer, moron. Lets go quickly, someone needs to cook me a 5 star meal worthy of someone like myself~"
Ah, there it is. The zesty motherfucker I know. It’s comforting to know that when the three of us are alone, we can let our collective room-temperature IQ out, since we tend to sperg out while in public or try to put an act.
Making sure that Tommy picks ups all the bags, and also that he knows how great that makes me feel, we enter through the main gate.
Boy, I am glad that Tommy's folks decided to pay for the apartment closest to the main entrance.
That’s about where the positives of them end though. Because those pieces of shit don't deserve more than that for everything that they had put him through.
We reach our door, the large silver plate stating "1-0-0", signifying the end of my hard fought journey, where after cooking us some food, I will be able to clock out for the rest of the day.
Tommy pulls out his keys unlocking the door and tries to open it... but it doesn't bulge.
"Huh?"
"Tommy I know that if you don’t try to be a jackass every thirty minutes a pimple appears in your ass, but I really just want to cook and go to sleep" I say, exhausted.
"N-no Mark! I am not trying to pull your leg, the knob won’t turn. Try it yourself!" he says, panic creeping into his voice.
I sigh and drop the bags on the ground.
I grab the knob.
It truly doesn’t move.
Wait a minute, something ain’t right.
"S-see! We should talk to the receptionist, maybe it’s bust-"
JESUS FUCK!
THE DOOR SUDDENLY SWINGS OPEN AND WE’RE YANKED INTO A-
...hug?
"MISSED ME?" ITS. FUCKING. JACK.
"CAUSE I SURE AS FUCK MISSED YOU GUYS! COME HERE!"
I feel my body about to pop as the hug becomes tighter... I think I am going to start hallucinating that I am fighting my delirious self while dying of oxygen withdrawal.
Thankfully, Jack realizes he is about to kill us, and let’s us go.
I notice Tommy’s gone quiet.
"See them again… those two," he mumbles.
Oh fuck.
Jack notices immediately and starts panicking.
"S-shit, sorry T-tommy! I was just too excited to see you guys after the travel! Are you okay?!"
"Huh? Oh yeah Jack... just got startled..." Tommy immediately brightens up and says "Thought we were getting robbed! Come here~!"
They hug again.
I know Tommy is forcing the whole being okay, but I don't want to overstep his boundaries, so I wont pry.
That said, fuck it. Just as every element has both ionic or covalent percentage, every straight man too, has a little gayness inside him.
I go and join the two forming a group hug which earns a really wide smile from Jack. However, from the corner of my eyes I spot something.
A cyan? (Not gonna bother) Allosaurus and his partner are staring at us with disgust.
Fuck you cunts. Have you never seen affection between friends?
Jack notices them and gives them a really malicious look. Uh oh. I know where this is going.
When someone says or does something negatively towards me or Tommy, he will start seeing red and be really confrontational.
Its great to know that he values us so much, but it can get out of hand really quickly.
"Alright, alright lets go quickly inside, I am really tired and still have to cook, so gonna need your help Jack. We are gonna make some good gourmet grub. But first, Tommy put the groceries inside and unpack" I says as fast as I can articulate words, in hopes he doesn't acts up.
Thankfully, Jack stomach rumbles loudly like we are in some cartoon and all of us laugh.
"Let's get everything in the house!" Exclaims Jack, as he effortlessly picks up all of the groceries and sprints towards the kitchen. Wait a minute...
I turn towards Tommy and see him with a shit eating grin. This bastard just dodged grocery duty, as Jack will do it and won’t bulge that he needs help!
"What's the matter? You said it yourself, lets go quickly!" He says as he heads inside and dives into the couch while turning the TV on.
Why does the world always seems to protect this asshole from the consequences of his actions?
I enter the living room and immediately announce "Alright, I am gonna lay in my bed a bit, call me when the groceries are unpacked."
"Okay!" Exclaims Tommy.
"Will do" Jack adds from the freezer.
Just as I am about to enter my room, Jack asks, "Wait, did you guys forget to buy ribs?"
Me and Tommy immediately freeze up remembering what transpired earlier in the day. Tommy just shrugs and says "Yeah, we were, uh, tired and forgot".
Jack nods. "I’ll bring some from my place next time."
I enter my room and lay in bed. Man I feel in Heaven with this bed, its just so comfy.
I unlock my phone and check my email since I still have not gotten my class schedule. Which is weird, since Tommy received it yesterday while we were travelling and we picked the same courses.
I look at my inbox and I am met with nothing. I would start worrying about it, but man, this mattress is melting my brain away.
"Whatever, I’ll just take a small power nap and get cooking" I mumble, while I start drifting away.
...
Fuck, how long was I out?
I look around my room and see through the window that it’s night time.
Also, I don't remember tugging myself in a blanket?
Shit, shit, shit!
I needed to cook. I stumble my way out of the room into the living room and see Tommy and Jack discussing something.
"After playing it, I can tell you that Diego’s route is easily the one with most character development. Like its insane, whoever wrote it, is a genius." Jack says dreamily. "But Tiffany’s route to me its truly the one that broke me Tommy, I was bawling my eyes out for easily thirty minutes during her graduation speech."
They must be talking about that visual novel Tommy would not stop recommending.
"Yeah, I agree! Diego route is absolute cinema! But... main route will always be my favorite and top 1, they truly feel like they brought the best of each other despite the hardships both had." Tommy says while in deep thought. "Though Royce redemption route was kino as well".
"Dude! That one was really forced! I could not finish it! I left it in the middle of the alleyway confrontation part. It just felt kind of like bad fan service in order to make me like that asshole." explained Jack while doing a lot of hand movements.
What the hell do they even see in visual novels? They are so boring to play. I’d rather play a walking sim as I get to do something that is not clicking constantly to cycle through text.
"No way! After that part is when it gets good, you need to finish it, trust me Jack!" says Tommy in disbelief.
Alright, I heard enough. These guys are gonna analyze and debate like it’s one of those five-hours long YouSnoot videos.
Hell, maybe they have been talking about it since I fell asleep.
"Hey guys, why didn't you wake me up?" I tell them while making my way towards them.
They turn around and see me.
Jack speaks up first, "You were totally out man, didn't want to wake you up. Don't worry about cooking, I made us the classic, your plate is in the microwave"
"Oh shit THE classic?" I say completely flabbergasted.
Tommy then says in a deeper voice "Yup, THE classic"
I'm starving, and hearing that THE MOTHERFUCKING CLASSIC is waiting for me makes me rush into the kitchen like a New Dinorker that just spotted some Carfentanyl.
I turn the microwave on, setting the timer to two minutes.
While I am waiting I ask them "Why do you like VNs so much? They are boring as shit."
Tommy perks up and immediately says "Nope, not gonna start that debate with you again like last year. You play one and then make your conclusions."
"Yeah, you will love them! The stories and the romance are what pulls you in, man!" Jack says, snapping to my direction, a little too quick for my comfort...
"Yeah, but-"
"Yeah, yeah, something something, walking sims, we know. Yet you never give them a chance, and watching them through a YouSnoot gameplay is not the same! Since it's Saturday, the council decided that we all are staying late watching you play one!"
"Hell n-" Suddenly, I saw Jack with my laptop... How? I did not even get my eyes off him for more than 6 seconds.
Man, he truly got hooked in those romance VNs.
Hell, I even saw him start reading fan fiction that fixes the bad endings... what did he called them again? "Hopemaxxing"?
I’m pulled out of my thoughts by the microwave beeping.
"Wait, I need to eat first, I’m starving!" I exclaim as I pull my food out.
"Don't worry, need to download the game first from my Campfire account." Tommy says.
"We could even get him to play the one I bought recently! The one about the shrimp lady!" Jack adds, his eyes practically glowing with childlike excitement.
Welp. I'm fucked. Seems like it’s going to be another sleepless night.
Whatever. I sit at the table and start eating 'THE CLASSIC', and while it’s not gourmet well-balanced or even remotely nutritious, I’m hit with a wave of nostalgia anyway.
I wonder how different this year is going to be without Jack with us. St. Hammond seems like some cushy elite art school from what I saw on their webpage. I mean, he makes some really good sketches and comic strips, but they are not... well, museum material.
Huh. Now that I think about, he should have received either yesterday or today an email with what courses he’ll be taking.
Curiosity piqued, I turn to him.
"Hey Jack".
"Hm?" he replies, turning to face me.
"Uh, did you already get your schedule confirmation email? Like, with your classes?"
"Oh shit, yeah. Like an hour ago. Me and Tommy were waiting for you to wake up, but with our discussion we kind of forgot"
"You were debating for an hour?"
"No" said Jack. Oh guess that makes se-
"It was actually three hours. The email came in the middle of our debate, but we decided to forget about it till later"
...Never mind.
"Game's ready!" Tommy announces.
"Wait, let’s see with what classes I ended up with" Jack tells him.
"Oh yeah! Let’s see what classes will turn you into Spinasso!" Jack giggles at Tommy’s comment.
I plop down next to Jack with my half-eaten plate, while Tommy leans forward to peer at the laptop resting on the five-elixir man’s lap.
From: [email protected]
The Office of Academic Services informs the student that the enrollment process for the upcoming academic term has been successfully completed.
The courses for which you registered have been reviewed and approved. The following classes have been officially accepted and confirmed in your academic schedule:
- Home Economics
- Sequential Art
- Fashion Design
- AP Art Design
- Math
- English
- History
Please be advised that one course originally selected, Science, has been adjusted due to academic placement requirements. Based on a review of your academic records and prerequisite completion, this course did not align with the appropriate instructional level for the current term.
As a result, Science has been replaced with History, which satisfies the corresponding graduation requirements and ensures proper academic progression.
We encourage you to review your updated schedule carefully. If you have any questions or wish to discuss this change, please contact the Office of Academic Services.
Sincerely,
Office of Academic Services
"HISTORY?!" Jack screams in pure disbelief.
"See?! I told you taking Biology last year would give you trouble! You should’ve taken World History like us!" Tommy exclaims.
"Y-yeah but you know... I just don't like anything related with social studies. They are so boring and confusing! A-and I really like plants and stuff..."
I sigh. Well, I’m pretty good at memorizing, so I can help him during study sessions.
"Don't worry, I’ll help you with that one".
"Yeah! And I can help you with Fashion Design and Home Economics! That way you can focus on the artsy stuff!" Tommy adds with a beaming smile.
"Thanks guys! I will help you with whatever you are lacking too!" Jack says, striking a dramatic pose.
"Well, based on what Tommy and I discussed on the bus ride, I’ll need to help Tommy in Math and Physics. He has to help me on Economics and Computer Science. I think I can handle English well, so you can help us both in Biology since you took it last year."
"Then we’re all set. Let's forget about all of this and just have you play the novel!" Jack declares.
"Cant wait for him to get Ending 1 since Romeo here knows so much about romance~" The twink says while side-eyeing me.
"Fuck you guys. I’m getting the best ending. VNs are so thrash, they basically spell out which choices give the 'good ending'. They’re made for morons," I shoot back.
"He one hundred percent ends up fucking Royce" Jack says, barely holding his laughter.
"Jack! I already told you it’s a sweet ending!" Tommy snaps, glaring at him.
"Alright, enough. Two rules." I say.
"One: Shut up and don't spoil anything. If you do I Alt+F4 this shit"
They both nod.
"Two: don't backseat me" I add, glaring daggers at Tommy.
"Fineeee, just open the game already" he replies.
Just as I am about to click the .exe, a notification pops up.
Oh.
Oh fucking finally.
Its my enrollment confirmation e-mail.
And just like that, I can postpone playing this shit. Tommy's luck is finally rubbing off on me.
"Oh man, that is a preeetty important email. Better check it out right now. You never know what could happen in life! Haha!" I say, throwing Tommy a smug look.
"Whatever asshole, just open the email already! You are playing the game one way or another!" Tommy snaps.
"True to that!" Jack adds.
Damn it.
From: [email protected]
Dear Student,
The Office of Academic Services at Volcano High School hereby confirms that your course enrollment for the upcoming academic term has been reviewed and finalized. This determination follows a comprehensive audit of your academic record, transcript progression, and senior-year graduation eligibility.
During this review, it was determined that several of your originally selected courses did not align with outstanding graduation requirements or approved senior instructional pathways. In accordance with institutional policy, adjustments were made to ensure credit compliance, academic balance, and eligibility for on-time graduation. As a result, your approved course schedule for the term consists of English, Mathematics, Science, Physical Education, Music, and Introduction to Education. This schedule supersedes all prior course selections and is considered final.
It has additionally been determined that you are missing required credits necessary for graduation. To address this deficiency, you are required to participate in an approved extracurricular program that satisfies institutional physical activity requirements. Available options include participation in the Track and Field team or enrollment in the Fitness Club.
Any concerns regarding this schedule determination may be directed to the Student Council President, who has been designated to address student inquiries related to schedule confirmations and enrollment communications. The Student Council President will be available one hour prior to the start of classes on Monday morning. It is imperative that you meet them on time.
This schedule is effective immediately. Continued enrollment at Volcano High School is contingent upon compliance with assigned coursework, extracurricular obligations, and graduation requirements.
Sincerely,
Office of Academic Services
Volcano High School
What
What the fuck?!