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Pyeonghwa didn’t understand the appeal of new years.
To him, the new year was just another day. Another number on the calendar, another day he had to live. Ever since losing his parents, his life had practically gone static, living the same routine over and over again. He didn’t have anything left to look forward to aside from the underground boxing matches. He barely hooks up with people on dating apps anymore, ever since growing closer to Incheol—not that the random men he gets with excite him anyway.
It could be argued that the end of the year should be special for Pyeonghwa, considering it’s also the day he was born twenty-seven years ago, but he’d stopped seeing the fun in birthdays as well. Successfully living through another year, Pyeonghwa wasn’t quite sure if he felt grateful or not. He became a year older, so what? What was the point of living if you lived each day as an empty shell of a man?
Deep down, Pyeonghwa did wish he still had something to look forward to. Perhaps he could look forward to his boxing matches, as they’re his only source of adrenaline at this point, but did those really make him feel good? Did they make him feel fulfilled? Or are they just temporary bursts of ecstasy that only cause his hospital bills to pile up?
Pyeonghwa would be lying if he said he wasn’t at all jealous of the people who celebrated new year celebrations and birthdays with their loved ones. It must feel nice, to be surrounded with so much love and warmth on what is considered such a special day.
But instead, Pyeonghwa could only watch from afar. Standing outside the cafe window, he watched friends and families gather with smiles on their faces, laughing and giggling with each other. The warmth of togetherness emanated from inside the cafe, contrasting the freezing winter cold where Pyeonghwa stood, alone.
Forcing his feet to keep moving, Pyeonghwa continued his walk to the bakery. He entered the small yet cozy store and made his way towards the cake selection, pointing at a single slice strawberry cake. The kind lady behind the counter swiftly took out the slice and packed it up in a small box with utmost care. The transaction was quick and easy, with the lady wishing Pyeonghwa a happy new year before he left the bakery.
A happy new year.
Pyeonghwa could only dream of one.
The walk back to the apartment was quiet as usual, with nothing but the sound of his feet stepping in the snow accompanying him.
Upon arriving back in his room, he immediately set the box down on the table next to his aquarium. He didn’t even bother turning the lights on before taking the cake out as well as the candle that came with it. He placed the candle on the cake, grabbed a lighter that he had kept by his table, and lit it up, creating a warm orange glow in the lonely dark room. A staple in celebrating birthdays.
Pyeonghwa rested his chin on the table as his eyes watched the flame flicker and dance. This had already become a custom for him every 31st of December, to spend the evening alone in his room in the dark, watching the candle flame dance around as if it’s giving Pyeonghwa one last show. Pyeonghwa would wait until the wax almost entirely melted before extinguishing the fire, pinching the wick with his bare fingers instead of blowing it out.
How pitiful, Pyeonghwa thought. The flames burned so bright during its life, putting on an intense show, dancing around in the wind with such beauty. But it only lasts so long, until it inevitably needs to be taken out, turning it into smoke that dissolves in the air, almost as if the burning fire was never there.
How pitiful it was for Pyeonghwa, who lived a life just like the candle.
Pyeonghwa took out the plastic fork provided by the bakery and cut a small piece of the cake, quietly putting it in his mouth. The icing was sweet, and the slight sourness of the strawberry provided a balance.
It was Pyeonghwa’s favorite, ever since he was a kid. His mother would always buy strawberry cakes for his birthday.
The boxer continued to eat his birthday cake accompanied by no one but his pet fish, but this was the norm. Pyeonghwa had spent his past few birthdays just like this.
So he was surprised when his phone suddenly shone bright in the dark lonely room.
Pyeonghwa glanced at his phone, a text notification appearing at the top, one that came from none other than the annoying man next door.
“Do you want to go see the fireworks tonight?”
Pyeonghwa had never seen fireworks in his life, at least not that he remembered. Given the chance, Pyeonghwa knew better than to refuse. So he opened the text, and typed out a quick “sure” in response.
Like Pyeonghwa, Incheol also didn’t see the appeal of new years.
It was also just another day to him, he’d still have to return to work sooner than others, he still had no time to spend for his own personal trivialities. He found celebrating new years pointless, as the next year would simply be another cycle of work, work, and work. Which was why he never really went to see firework shows. Unless Hyori invited him, he never really had anything to celebrate.
However, he had figured it would be a different case for Pyeonghwa. For a boy who lived in such loneliness all these years, Incheol had guessed Pyeonghwa probably never properly celebrated new years, at least in a while. Not to mention his birthday coinciding with the last day of the year, Incheol wanted to make the day a bit more special for the poor boy. It was… the least he could do.
So that night, Incheol waited in the comfort of his car, until the boxer stepped out of the apartment building and walked towards the audi. The bottom half of Pyeonghwa’s face was partially hidden behind the thick red scarf he was wearing, making the already smaller boy look even smaller. For a second, Incheol just wanted to stay in and spend Pyeonghwa’s birthday holding him.
The car ride to the city was fairly quiet, where Pyeonghwa would just keep his eyes locked on the scenery outside the car windows. The night city was completely different from what he was used to seeing in the neighborhood—with all the lights, the tall buildings, to the sound of cars zooming past on the highway.
Incheol drove to a park which had an ample view of the city, a strategic site to watch the fireworks from. They weren’t alone in the park, tons of families and couples were already there, waiting for the fireworks to start in just under an hour.
Pyeonghwa’s eyes glanced around, once again taking in the sight of people gathered together. This gave him an unfamiliar feeling, as this was the first time he sat with a crowd, and not be the one under the spotlight for others’ enjoyment. It did feel… quite nice.
“Pyeonghwa, let’s wait there,” Incheol called, breaking Pyeonghwa out of his thoughts. Incheol pointed to an area that was less crowded than the rest. Pyeonghwa nodded and followed Incheol to where they could be more alone.
“Why did you take me here?”
Incheol turned to look at Pyeonghwa. “It’s not fun to spend New Years alone.”
Pyeonghwa just nodded. He was right, it wasn’t.
They spent the rest of the remaining time in silence, simply appreciating each other’s presence. They weren’t exactly the type to talk a lot with each other, and basking in the comfort of company was enough. Pyeonghwa leaned against Incheol, resting his head on the elder’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Incheol glanced to look at Pyeonghwa, admiring how relaxed he looked, despite all that he’s been through. Incheol almost felt sad, wondering if such a lonely boy deserved to go through everything Pyeonghwa has.
It didn’t take long until the crowd started counting down from ten to one. The sudden exclamations woke Pyeonghwa up from his little rest, and he stood up straight, eyes glued on the horizon awaiting the fireworks.
The dark night sky was immediately decorated with bright explosions of color in different sizes and shapes. Pyeonghwa felt as if his breath was knocked out of him as he watched the flurry of colors unfold right in front of his eyes.
They’re beautiful.
Instead of looking up at the sky, Incheol turned his head to look at Pyeonghwa’s reaction. Seeing how in awe the younger one was, Incheol couldn’t help but smile. Pyeonghwa’s eyes were wide, glued to the sky as bright colors reflected in his irises, creating little mini fireworks in them for Incheol to see.
To Incheol, this was the fireworks show he signed up for.
A million thoughts began to race in Pyeonghwa’s mind, accompanying the loud sounds from the fireworks.
How did his life turn to this?
…does he deserve this?
After living in loneliness for so long, who knew the annoying man who just suddenly showed up next door after the room being vacant for over a year, would be the one to give him a newfound reason to keep going?
It’s as if after living a life only for the sake of staying alive for so many years, the fireworks ignited a spark in his heart that told him to keep living. If not for himself, he should at least live to see the next fireworks… this would be what his mother wanted for him.
Without realizing it, a tear rolled down his cheek.
When the fireworks show began to slow down, Pyeonghwa finally took his eyes off the sky to look at Incheol.
“That was—”
Pyeonghwa’s words were stopped by Incheol’s lips crashing onto his, the older man’s large hands engulfing both sides of Pyeonghwa’s face.
Unlike how Pyeonghwa usually stayed still when Incheol kissed him, this time he finally closed his eyes and returned the kiss.
Their lips danced together in perfect synchronization under the fireworks lighting up the sky. Entangled with the taste of one another, they created an unsaid promise that they will be for each other in whatever is to come in the upcoming year, for the fireworks have become their witness.
Once he started to feel breathless, Incheol finally pulled away, but kept his forehead rested against Pyeonghwa’s, his thumb brushing over the teardrop running down his cheek. Pyeonghwa’s glassy eyes resembled a galaxy full of stars as they looked into Incheol’s own pair, for the first time glistening with a glimpse of hope.
“Happy birthday and happy new year, my peace,” Incheol whispered. “May this year be kind to the both of us.”