Chapter Text
She knew she shouldn’t be there, she truly shouldn’t. She was conflicted. Her entire body was on high alert, screaming at her to run as fast as possible, as far away as her legs could take her. It was as if she was facing a death threat and the longer she stared at the building in front of her, she felt like throwing up a bit more each passing second. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t bring herself to even think of doing it. She needed to leave before anyone took notice of her. It was a life or death situation. How did she even think she could have come back so easily? She was so stuck in her inner turmoil that she saw the door of the guild open too late and caught a glimpse of red eyes and more than never, she felt like she was on the brink of death.
She turned in a hurry and started running, no, bolting, far away but after only mere steps she stopped as literal pillars of iron rose in front of her, throwing her off balance and making her fall. With no time to think, she quickly rose up and went to another direction but whenever she went, they encircled her until she was completely imprisoned. Her heart was threatening to break her ribcage and rip out her skin, her vision was getting clouded and she found it hard to breathe and when he shouted her name, she stopped breathing altogether.
“Juvia?!”
She didn’t want to turn around, she didn’t want to face him. She heard the guild’s doors open once again and she felt hopeless. She felt like an animal that had just been trapped and was soon about to be killed. There was more noise, she heard her name again and again from all different voices, some she knew extremely well who sounded surprised and some she never heard who seemed to have seen a ghost, but she couldn’t face them. Not after all this time. She blamed her longing to return somewhere she felt like she belonged. She should have fled the minute she arrived in Magnolia and the uncomfortable feeling crippling down her neck made itself known. Absolute loneliness brought her back but right now she wished for nothing more than that.
“Juvia.” This time it was more soft, it was not her long time friend, but the Master’s voice. Why did he pronounce her name like that? Why was Gajeel the first one to get out of the guild and spot her? Couldn’t it have been a rookie who didn’t know her? She was always short on her luck and today was not different. But maybe it was better to see him rather than see… him.
But as much as she loved to see his face, as much as the weight on her shoulders suddenly felt lighter, right now, she felt trapped and when an animal felt trapped, it would fight back and that was exactly what she intended to do. She still refused to face them, to face Gajeel, and as she breathed she made her body transform into water, ready to flee. This prison couldn’t keep her here and once she’ll get out of here, she will never, ever come back near anything related to them. She’d actually rather die than go back here.
“Don’t you dare, rain woman!” She didn’t listen, if anything it made everything worse and once out of the impromptu prison, she was able to go back to her body and make a few more steps before someone took her arm and her escape was put to an end when the master’s voice was heard.
“Freed.” That was when Juvia finally turned around to face them and she noticed how they all flinched upon seeing her but that was not her concern. She scanned the crowd for the green haired man and pleaded with her eyes, tears ready to spill out in torrent, the sky turning gray more and more. He held her gaze, he hesitated for a split second, feeling like he was betraying her when her eyes opened hoping for him not to do it, before closing his eyes in defeat and acting on the master’s order. Runes were written around her and the Master and she panicked, she looked around, desperately trying to check if there was even a slim possibility for her to get out.
Makarov stood there and watched, keeping her arm in her hand but after a few seconds he sighed and let her go. She frantically punched the walls made of runes, screaming, breathing hard and the only thing that he had in his mind was his intense feeling of guilt for letting her go all those years ago.
“Juvia…” She didn’t listen as she ran her hands through her hair, hair that he noticed were longer than she used to keep them, hair that were no longer wavy and glossy but harsh, dull, straight. Her bangs were long enough to hide her face and she let herself drop to the floor, not looking at him and letting her hair cover her. Shame overwhelmed him.
“Child…” He was hurting, he couldn’t watch her like this. This was his fault and when he called her name again, she looked up at him and his heart absolutely shattered. Her eyes were dull, it was like she was looking through him, not seeing him. She had dark circles that could almost be mistaken for charcoal stains which accentuated the lifelessness of her eyes. And that was only then that he could notice how much weight she lost. Not to mention about how pale she was. Yes, Juvia always had been pale, but there was a difference between being light-skinned and being as white as a corpse, which anyone could mistake her for. He glanced at her thigh, where her mark used to stand proudly and he almost gagged when he saw the horrible scars she had instead, he never got used to these and he probably never will. And those were ones he could see, he knew many more were hidden.
“My sweet, sweet child.” He attempted to stand closer to her but upon seeing her flinch he stopped. He wanted to scream, he felt the rage that inhabited him all those years ago come back at full speed but for her sake, he kept his cool.
“We need to talk. Or at the very least, listen to me.” She made no move to tell him if she was listening but when her eyes went back to the crowd, her eyes immediately locked with Gajeel’s whose expression shattered every last bit of her heart but he blocked her view using his power to get bigger until the crowd could no longer be seen. She was thankful for that.
“Don’t worry, they can’t hear us. It’s just you and me, like last time.” He smiled at her, he wanted to show her his support and he wished it would be enough for her to relax but she didn’t move, he could barely hear her breathing. He sighed and sat in front of her, crossing his legs and closing his eyes.
“When I look at you, I see yourself, four years ago, begging me to let you go. I think this was the worst decision of my life. I let one of my children go away, too far from me to protect.”
All this happened because of a job. Because of his poorly made decision. Because he had been too slow to catch up on what was happening. If he had been better at his job, if he had cared a bit more, if he had stood his ground when she asked to leave, or maybe if he had told the numerous guild members, especially Gajeel and Gray... God, he was the one at fault. Had he did his job better, she never, never, would have turned that way. He still remembered when she got her job approved by Mirajane, the smile she had when she promised to come back with a souvenir for him after his request. He never got that souvenir. He never got any smiles from her after that either.
“Juvia. I apologise for not protecting you the way I should have.” This time he opened his eyes and he observed her. Taking everything in. This was his punishment. Her eyes were wandering, as if she could see things that were not there and he wondered what was going through her mind at the moment. He slowly extended his hand, made sure she got accustomed to it every time he approached a bit more, making sure not to startle her. And he finally was able to replace a bunch of her hair behind her ears, to make sure he could see her whole face. Finally her eyes seemed to focus on him and silent tears cascaded down her cheeks.
“Let… me go… Please…” Her voice was hoarse, and it hurt to speak but she had to ask him. Looking at him was hell, seeing him blaming him was hell. It was not his fault. It was hers. She should have known better than hoping that someone would come instead of getting out of there by her own strength. But right now, she wanted to go far away. Because the old man in front of her made her crave for the very thing she came back to find. Makarov might have sensed it because he smiled at her and it felt like she was just back from a long week-end.
“Please Juvia. Come back home with me.”
Home. That’s all she ever wanted. To come back and be loved like she had before everything happened. To feel warmth and not worry about where she would stay the night. To know that she never had to worry about food or if she’d have enough money to afford it. She wanted to believe in that, she truly did. Then the voices came back, haunting her. She could still feel the blades running through her skin, marking her for life. And even if Wendy succeeds in getting rid of them, she will forever feel them as if they never disappeared. She still felt the thick blood running through her arms, staining her hands for days. Could she really be worthy of coming back ? Juvia’s breath hitched, as if the air around them just vanished, then her whole body started shaking while hot tears went down her cheeks. She could not stop the tears from forming and falling down, she felt like she was a child who just managed to escape the big bad wolf.
Makarov immediately went to hug her, to show her physical support and in response, she instantly grabbed him as if her life depended on it while she kept on crying. She no longer cared if the whole guild was outside, witnessing her miserable state. She needed this, she desperately needed an out and the Master was giving her this relief. Makarov felt the dull pain of her nails digging through his skin despite his clothes and only asserted his hug, showing her that he was going nowhere. He endured hearing her gut-wrenching screams, her saliva dripping through her chin and to his shoulder But then her arms fell lifeless on the floor which alarmed him.
“Juvia ?!” He checked her pulse, and gasped for air, not knowing he held his breath. She was still alive. She fell unconscious and he could only think about how tired she must have been. He called out for Freed to release his runes and after screaming at the members of the guild to make way as he ran as Juvia's life depended on it to Polyussica to have Juvia checked. He would make sure that this time, she will get better. He promised himself that, because the opposite would instantly kill him and he needed to be here when she would get better.