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Ruby woke up to the burning pain in his arm.
The kind of pain that made him curl up, squeeze his eyes shut and bite his pillow as he tried to muffle his groans. He knew all too well how thin the walls of their new house were, and how easily his mom would wake up if she heard the slightest noise of discomfort. He would rather she stay asleep, blissfully unaware, than stay up for the rest of the night, hovering over Ruby as she asked if he needed help changing his bandages or getting his medication.
From the darkness of his room, he could just barely make out the spots of blood that decorated the wrap that covered where his arm once was. So, maybe he did need new bandages, and that was extremely difficult to do with one hand, Ruby found.
Even so, he held his tongue, squeezing his eyes back shut as another wave of pain jolted through his arm.
If the sun was high in the sky, and Sapphire was there, she would be brushing Ruby’s bangs away as she let her laugh stay light and airy, saying ridiculous things such as “How can ya have pain in yer arm when yer arm ain’t there?!” to distract Ruby from the pain.
Or if he were still at the hospital, he could call a nurse over to pump him full of drugs that he could not name, so he could finally sleep, for once.
But it was the middle of the night, and Sapphire, like his mom, was fast asleep. Nor was he at the hospital — it had been a week since his discharge, packed with bandages, two bottles of pain medicine and a lecture to take it easy.
Deciding sleep wasn’t going to grace him anytime soon, Ruby sat up, running his hand through his hair with a heavy sigh. He grimaced as soon as he pulled his hand away: his forehead was drenched in sweat.
“Gross.” he whispered to himself, as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.
Coco was outside of her Pokéball that night, fast asleep as she was curled up on the side of Ruby’s bed. She had always been a heavy sleeper, nonetheless, Ruby tiptoed as quietly as he could to not wake her up.
As tempting as it was to wash away the sweat that clung to his skin — and slowly drove him insane — the noise would most definitely wake the entire house up. So he slumped on the stairs, drumming the fingers of his remaining hand against his knee.
Sitting alone in the dark only invited old memories; days at the Team Magma base where he was given a glass of wine on nights where he couldn’t sleep.
“If you drink enough, it’ll knock you out for the night”, he was always told.
It worked, at times. Sometimes, he would fall asleep right away, while others nights he would keep drinking, and drinking, and drinking until the tears welled up in his eyes and his throat would burn and—
Next thing he knew, he would wake up, so he probably fell asleep at some point. Any memories of those nights though, were hazy. And honestly, Ruby wasn’t even sure if he wanted to remember them.
A small voice in Ruby’s head wondered if his mom still left the alcohol cabinet unlocked.
He wasn’t going to drink — he promised Sapphire he would stop — he was just… curious, is all. Curious if his parents drank the same wine that accompanied his worst nights.
He wasn’t there to drink. He wasn’t there to drink. He chanted to himself over and over again, there’s no way he would break that trust in him after everything, so he wouldn’t drink. Even so, guilt clung to his chest as he gripped the handle of the cabinet, before swinging it open.
To his disappointment — or not, since he wasn’t here to drink — there was no wine. Lots of whiskey, though, he recognized the bottle from nights where his dad held it with a tight fist.
He had never tried whiskey before, he noted as he took the bottle in his hand. Team Magma, despite their living conditions, lived lavishly enough; though Ruby hardly knew anything about alcohol yet, he got the impression that wine was not something people drunk on a daily basis.
A flicker of memory flashed in his mind; his father’s eyes as he tightened his grip on the bottle.
Without thinking, Ruby held the bottle to his chest and tiptoed away. He wasn’t going to drink, not seriously. He promised Sapphire he wouldn’t. But it wouldn’t be too bad if he took a sip, right? Just to test out the flavor — it was completely normal for teenagers to take a sip of alcohol.
It didn’t mean he was drinking. It didn’t mean he was an alcoholic, or any of that.
For a moment, he considered bringing the bottle back to his room. Then, he remembered Coco, peacefully curled in his bed. Whiskey smelled strong, and the last thing he wanted to do was wake Coco up, and worry her. So instead, he carefully slipped on his shoes, and exited the house as quietly as he could.
Lucky for Ruby, Littleroot town was quiet and empty, at night. Various Pokémon would wander into the town at night, and with little light to aid them in the dark, most people figured it would be safer to stay at home.
Ruby didn’t have any Pokémon on hand — he left behind all of his Poké-balls back in his room — but it was fine. He wouldn’t be out for long, he reminded himself. Just a sip.
Ruby found himself a little corner by the lake, where he slumped down with his bottle and pried it open. It had a nice view, with the moonlight, and if Ruby was in a better mood, he might have marveled over the beauty of the sight. But the burning pain in his arm soured his mood, making him lose interest in any beauty near him. How could he enjoy any beauty when he was a mess?
The whiskey felt heavy on his tongue. It tasted like guilt — a familiar flavor that Ruby hadn’t tasted since he stayed at Wally’s place.
He immediately put the bottle down. Just a sip, he reminded him. He didn’t need anymore.
Ruby tried to screw the cap back on, but his hand shook, ignoring his demands. Just one sip wasn’t enough; what difference would it do to have one more? Or two more?
He brought the bottle back to his lips.
Whiskey was stronger than anything else Ruby had ever had, and it made his eyes burn. He pulled away the bottle with a sharp hiss.
“Geez,” he scowled. “How does dad drink this stuff? It’s disgusting.”
But it numbed the pain in his arm — it gave him a distraction. Would his dad even notice if only one bottle went missing?
Ruby shook his head. “What am I saying? I’m stopping here.”
He tried to stand up then, but his body swayed and disobeyed him, and he landed back on his butt. For a moment, Ruby sat there, blinking in surprise. His vision blurred and his mind was hazy, and when he looked down at the bottle in his hand, he realized it was a bit more than halfway empty.
When did he drink so much? Surely, he took only three sips. Nothing more.
Ruby scowled, letting himself fall into the grass. He stared blankly at the sky above him; the twinkling stars that blurred in his vision.
“Now you’ve done it, Ruby.” he mumbled.
There was no point in him going back inside now, so he pried open the bottle again, and hastily brought it back to his lips. His tongue burned, and a voice in the back of his mind screamed at him to stop. But his need for more — his need for that rotten taste of guilt — drowned away his body’s cries for mercy.
It didn’t matter anymore. Someone like Ruby deserved this.
“Ruby?!”
Ruby felt the bottle yanked away from his grasp. He tried to reach for it, but his limbs felt so, so heavy. Instead, he lunched forward.
"What's this?!” he heard the growl of a familiar voice. “Whiskey?! I though’ ya said yer were done drinkin’?!”
Ruby looked up, slowly. He could barely make out Sapphire’s figure, in the dark. One thing he could make out, though, was the way her teeth gritted together, fangs visible.
Sapphire brought a hand to cover her nose. “Ugh, ya reek. Disgusting.”
Ruby agreed. He was disgusting.
“Wha’ are you doin’ here…?” Ruby asked. His tongue felt heavy, and he was one moment away from crashing headfirst into the ground.
“Trainin’” Sapphire declared, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, with her hands on her hips. “Then, I smelled somethin’ rotten, so I came ta see.”
Ruby looked down and hummed. His eyes felt heavy, and he wanted nothing more to give into sleep. He felt a hand pull at the scruff of his shirt, pulling him up.
“Should have figured it was ya.” Sapphire scowled. “Didn’ ya promise?”
For a moment, Ruby met Sapphire’s eyes. He was prepared to see anger, and frustration, and disappointment.
What he didn’t expect to see was pain. Betrayal. Ruby squeezed his eyes shut.
“Answer me, Ruby!” Sapphire yelled.
Ruby slapped Sapphire’s hand away, and tried to stubble to his feet. It was a pathetic attempt, and his knees hit the ground.
“Leave me alone.” Ruby hissed. “This doesn’t concern you.”
Sapphire’s eyes twitched. “Excuse me?”
Ruby paid her no mind, though, pushing himself back up using her shoulder. Then, he pushed her away, turning back briefly to spat out:
“Leave me alone.”
Ruby turned away before he could see Sapphire’s reaction; hurt, anger, disappointment — it could have been anything, but it didn’t matter anymore. Ruby wanted to sleep. If he was lucky, he wouldn’t wake up again.
He didn’t bother making his way back to his house. Sapphire was right — he reeked of whiskey. So instead, with an empty bottle in hand, he stumbled across the town, until he found a tree to lean against. Tears flooded from his eyes as he laid down, staring back at the stars.
In all their glory, they mocked him: stars that shone brightly in the sky, a beauty in which every artist strived for. They danced over him; his dirtied form sprawled on the ground, with a mind so hazy, he wasn’t even sure if he felt guilt over how he spoke to Sapphire.
Ruby hooked his arm over his eyes, feeling his tears wet his sleeve. Ruby didn’t need a mirror to know: there was no beauty to be seen in someone like him.
His head throbbed. Ruby curled to his side, crawling his injured arm against his chest.
“Sorry, mom.” he whispered to himself, before letting his mind fade into the darkness.