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“It’s over…” Amanda had never held her husband so tightly before. Her hands travel to his neck, adjusting his wrinkled collar. Sonny winces as he pulls closer into her embrace, infinitely relieved to feel her touch again.
Somehow, it doesn’t feel like enough. It doesn’t feel like enough knowing that Ali’s last moments were spent in agonizing pain, scared and disoriented. It doesn’t feel like enough knowing that Tess’ flesh was mercilessly violated by a drunken Boyd. It doesn’t feel like enough when he should have done more. The bitter taste of helplessness burns Dominick’s tongue.
“You’re gonna be alright, Sonny. It’s over…” Rollins’ soft palms meet Carisi’s pale cheeks, her warmth contrasting his clammy skin. His hastened, harsh breathing slows as Amanda traces slow circles along his clenched jaw.
“You okay, Carisi?” Olivia’s voice softens as she approaches them. She’d seen that hollow look too many times throughout the job, but seeing it etched on Carisi’s face just stung more. “You should probably go get your head checked out by the EMTs before going back home.”
Amanda’s eyes widen, a persistent pit enveloping her stomach. “What happened?” She untangles herself from his arms to access his injury. The sight of dark crimson only tarnishes her short-lived solace.
Things could have been much different.
“Sonny, that looks bad.” Amanda murmurs, her tone firm.
Dominick shakes his head. “No, no, it’s fine. I’m good–“
“I know I’m not your boss anymore, but go get that cleaned. That’s seriously an order this time,” Liv flashes a weak smile. It’s the least she could do knowing that it could be her leaving the deli in a body bag.
Rollins nods in silent agreement. “Let’s just go now, then we could head home and relax,” her hand slips back into his.
Carisi sighs, his dull gaze traveling past his wife’s blurred frame, meeting the deli littered with police officers. Rambunctious reporters line the yellow caution tape, preparing another “interesting story” for their headlines. But this wasn’t just a story.
How is this entertaining to people?
“Dominick? Hey, look at me…” Amanda takes a shaky breath as she caresses Sonny’s hand. “We’re just going to drive to the hospital with Liv, get you checked out.”
He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, in an attempt to quiet his raging mind. “Yeah, yeah… okay.”
5 stitches, a mild concussion diagnosis, and a pain med prescription later, Carisi returns to their apartment with Rollins by his side. Although he was hoping to see his kids’ smiling faces, the silence felt necessary tonight.
“I’m gonna run you a shower, get the feeling of today off your body.” Amanda looks into Sonny’s hazy eyes, only to be reminded of his dark absence. She knows the feeling of being lost; it took her years to heal from that pain. Hell, the scars never truly fade. But seeing her bubbly husband appear so dull– it’s a different fear. Dominick was always such a selfless, independent person, but she knows it’s his turn to let her in.
As Rollins carefully removes each component of Carisi’s suit, she silently studies each of his features. Running her fingertips from Sonny’s cold thighs to his lips, Amanda relishes each delicate detail, knowing today could have been his last.
She leans closer to his ear, her voice just louder than the water hitting the shower floor. “Let me take care of you, Dominick.”
Carisi simply gives a gentle nod, allowing his wife to press her lips against his disheveled silver locks. Rollins deeply inhales, taking in the cool scent of cologne clinging to Sonny’s scalp.
“It’s gonna be alright,” Amanda whispers. She takes his hand, guiding him into the warmth of the steamy shower.
As she turns to close the glass door, Carisi intercepts. “Please don’t leave me yet.” His tone is fragile, but the pleading desperation within his expression is undeniable.
Amanda returns his gaze, slipping her own clothes off before stepping under the water.
She presses her lips against Sonny’s neck, “This feeling won’t last forever,” she whispers, feeling the warm water slowly trickling down his back. Amanda reaches for the soap, gently lathering it along Dominick’s faintly blooming bruises before applying some to her own skin.
Carisi turns around, his blue eyes finally meeting Amanda’s concerned expression. He takes a breath, “I’m so sorry, Amanda–“
Rollins immediately shakes her head, placing a free hand on his chin. “Don’t do this to yourself,” she opens the shower door and reaches for a towel, wrapping it around his waist. Amanda sighs as she throws on a shirt formerly resting in the sink, “I just mean the whole blame thing. Listen, I know it’s easier said than done, but you’re just going to have to keep telling yourself that this isn’t on you. Until you believe it, this situation is going to tear you apart. That’s why you’ve got to talk to me, Dominick.”
Sonny slips on his pair of pants, looking up to face his wife. “My ring. They made me take it off,” he mumbles before returning to their bedroom.
“What?” Her eyes widen as she closely follows behind her husband, keeping just enough distance to avoid alarming him. “Sonny, what are you talking about?”
He quietly climbs into bed, reaching out for Amanda’s hand, fingers curling tight, as she settles across him. “I thought I was going to die. Deonte and Boyd– they made me take it off– my ring,” Dominick’s voice falters, the grip on his wife’s hand loosening, “I could’ve died in there, alone. And our ring– our ring binds us together. I didn’t want to be completely stripped of every piece of us before I died. I should’ve done something–“
Amanda pulls Sonny closer, placing her hands along his neck. “You’re safe, you’re going to be okay, Dominick– we’re going to be alright. Our rings will never come close to showing the whole universe how much we truly love each other, you know? I don’t care about it,” she smiles as tears begin streaming down her cheeks, “I don’t care about those rings. I care about you, us, and our family more than anything.”
Sonny softly nods, leaning his head against her chest as his breathing escalates into quiet sobs.