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When Prem started dating Pat the discussion of children hadn't been planned. Nothing was ever planned when it came to Pat, at least not in the beginning. Pat was so impulsive and headstrong it seemed nothing could stop her. as Prem got to know her girlfriend, she learned of Pat's attentive nature, her thoughtfulness, and most of all her love. Pat never hesitated when she loved someone, especially Prem.
Prem was overwhelmed at first, unconditional love hadn't been a thing until she became friends with Sita, Bo, and Tan. She thought she could survive with only affection from her found family until she met Pat.
As time went on she found that she liked Pat's affections. Whats more she liked how Pat cared for her people. They say you can tell a lot about a person by how they teat others and Pat was always kind to everyone unless they gave her reasons not to be.
Prem and Pat walked through life together hand in hand. Sure they faced a few snags here and there but they never let go of each other. Nothing could separate them, instead they grew stronger together. They built their life around each other and their family.
They had a home of their own, achievements of their own. now as Prem watched her wife eat breakfast wearing one of Prem's shirts and some sleep shorts something primal settled in her brain. A home, a wife, and contented Ness she never thought she would find. There was only one small thought that whispered in the back of her mind: children.
The subject of children wasn't common in their house, but it never truly left Prem. All her life Prem expected she would have children at some point. Her parents had raised her with the expectation that she would have at least three children. One child to be heir to each family and a spare. It was daunting to assume she would have that many but her parents made it seem set in stone.
These days Pat's parents were her only paternal figures and they were happy with her and Pat being in their lives. There was no expectations of children or predestined lot for the imaginary child. Pat's parents would love and care for any grandchild that came along. In this family love was not an exception but the rule. Prem would be forever grateful her future children would live such cherished lives.
" Pat" Prem called drawing her wife's attention away from her plate. Pat looked up and smiled taking Prem's hand to kiss the back of her knuckles.
" Yes Baby?"
" I think i...I think I want a baby?"
Pat froze mid bite and slowly set down her chopsticks. Turning to Prem with honest shock, it seems Prem had finally gotten Pat. It took a moment, she could see Pat's brain starting up again but slow smile started to spread across Pat's face.
"You want a baby?"
" yes, I want children with you, do you...I know we talked about it once but do you...is that ..." Prem bit her lip unable to get the words out.
"Oh, Baby, My Prem" Pat pushed back her chair and sat on the arm of Prem's chair to cradle her face.
" all you have to do is ask "
" you mean it? A child is a huge step even for us and I don't want us to make that choice if you think it's too soon" Prem didn't want to rush it but Pat was already kissing away her worries.
" my precious Prem, you want to have kids?"
" yes"
"I do to"
" you mean it? You aren't just saying that because I want them?" Prem pleaded.
" I won't lie I've thought of little Prem's and Pat's running around our nice big house" Pat leaned back tracing her eyes over their spacious living room to the back garden. The garden was big, not as big as the one at Pat's parents house, but it could keep a child busy for hours. Their little family could spend afternoons in the shade or run across the spacious lawn playing for hours.
" I always think of the fun we would have, the joy they would bring us, I mean, our genetics would break the world with how gorgeous and smart our baby would be" Pat was proud of a child that hadn't even been born yet.
" are we serious Pat? Do you think we could handle having a child?"
" if we can handle each other drunk, sick, and in depression we can handle a child"
" that's a terrible example" Prem groaned burying her face in Pat's shoulder.
" Alright how about this, what are your doubts?" Pat asked, rubbing her hand up and down Prem's back. Prem hummed as she tried to organize her thoughts then tilted her head back to speak.
" that this might be a residual expectation from my life before you, that we can't handle a child because of the responsibility, that I don't...that I don't deserve a child..." it was tough to get that last part out but Prem's therapist Dr. Anong had been hard at work getting her to communicate. Prem didn't want anything to be misunderstood.
Pat nodded slowly as she absorbed Prem's words then looked down at her with a determined smile.
" to begin, that may be a real thought and you can talk to me and Dr. Anong about it for a while before we do anything, as for responsibility, don't infantilize us and our capabilities, we can handle high stress people and situations and survive do not count us out yet,"
" alright" Prem nodded received her worries were being taken out one by one.
" as for that last one it's a lie, you deserve everything you want in this life and I do not say that because you are the love of my life and I worship the ground you walk on, I say that because you Preminsee Tharaisorn deserve all the happiness life can give." Pat cupped her chin unwilling to let Prem drop her gaze.
" Pat..."
" I mean it, you have been denied love for so long its cruel and unnecessary to carry on like that, I refuse to deny my wife anything be it the last bite of cake or the desire to have a child"
" thank you" Prem whispered.
" of course, Baby, now have you thought of us carrying the baby or do you want to adopt?"
" I would want it to be ours" Prem said.
" I know it takes a lot longer, and it can go wrong but I would want to at least try this way first before adoption"
" that's fine, when do would you want to tell Mama and Dad about the baby?"
" not until we are past the early stages, anything can happen but most miscarriages happens in the first trimester"
" ok, so bio baby , we keep it to ourselves until 2nd trimester, and the process...what do we have to do for that?" Pat looked to her for guidance and Prem fell back on her knowledge.
" we need to be tested for fertility, overall health, and to determine who carries the baby"
" does your hospital have a way to start that process or should we go to a specialist?"
" we can start it was my hospital then go to a specialist if any issues arise"
" wonderful" Pat kissed her and pressed their foreheads together.
" we are gonna be Mama's"
" well mom and mama" Prem rolled her eyes but let herself be happy.
"Yes, and in nine months, granted nothing happens, we will have a beautiful baby in our arms" Pat sighed slipping off the arm of the chair into Prem's lap. She wrapped her arms around Pat's waist so she wouldn't slip and kissed her shoulder.
" we are actually doing this" Prem whispered.
" Yes Baby, we are gonna be parents" Pat kept her voice low too.
" when do you think we can get an appointment?"
" soon, give me a moment I can call someone at the hospital, maybe have an appointment before the end of the week" Prem assured her.
" wonderful, I can' t wait" Pat lifted her legs over the side of the chair sitting fully across Prem's lap so she could kiss her properly.
" Let me give you a kiss for good luck"
" Me? Either of us could carry Pat"
" I know but a little luck for us both never hurts"
Prem rolled her eyes and gave it her all losing herself in the kiss. They were aiming for good fortune and despite Pat's jokes about them being the first natural conception the statistics said otherwise. "Here's to Baby Tharanisron may we have them this year!" Pat cheered.
The hall way of the hospital was empty save a few passing nurses and the couple across from them. Prem tapped her clip board with one hand while Pat held the other. They had filled out their paper work and now we're waiting for a meeting with a fertility specialist.
A month of tests and waiting they had received their results. Both of them were healthy but Prem wanted to take every precaution before they moved forward.
Across from them was another couple. The first woman was reserved almost cold with her white blazer and dress. Beside her was her young wife smiling happily as she held her hand.
It was nice to see another couple like them. Prem had been talking with her Therapist about her anxieties about them being a lesbian couple meant for their fertility journey now.her mind was eased a little.
Pat was her usual self leaning into Prem's side with a contented smile. The young woman across from them was staring adoringly at her partner too. It seems adoring younger partners was a trend these days.
"How much longer baby? I want to move us along" Pat sighed.
" you have to be patient Pat, a baby doesn't happen like that" Prem snapped her fingers gaining the other couples attention. The elder woman frowned in annoyance but her younger counter part lit up.
" wait your..." the younger woman covered her mouth in excitement.
" who is she Khem?" The older wife turned to Pat with a suspicious glare before they widened. They'd been caught it seems. Pat took the lead as always in these situations.
" Hello I'm Pat, you've probably seen me in a few dramas" Pat waved kindly and smiled like always. Prem shook her head and leaned into Pat's side.
"A few? You have been in at least six the last four years" Khem sputter led tugging on her wife's arm.
" honey, it's Pat!"
" I can see that, but please not so rough with my arm"
" oh, sorry Rin" Khem kissed the place her hand had squeezed and then her wife's cheek.
" so you two are..." Rin glanced between Prem and Pat, it was best to get this out of the way.
" yes, we thought it was time and wanted to make sure everything was in order before we began our journey" Prem said.
" Us too!" Khem was clearly the over eager one between them but her wife allowed a small smile to slip from beneath her mask.
"I think they know husband"
Khem lit up at the nickname and kissed her wife's cheek. Rin rolled her eyes but that tiny smile didn't retreat behind her mask again. Prem was glad the couple felt safe enough to be this open. Pat's fame often forced them to be more reserved in their affection but Prem never let it get her down. They could be themselves a little more each time they did a public event or appearance.
The doctors office opened and the specialist looked up from her clipboard.
"Tharanisron?"
" it was nice to meet you, but thats us" Pat waved as Prem lead her into the doctors office. Khem waved to Pat before the door closed. It was cute to see Pat have a quiet fan interaction. these quiet interactions were rare but Khem seemed like a nice enough person.
" Maybe we'll see them again" Pat whispered.
" Maybe" Prem lead them to the chairs across from Doctor Khan, an elderly woman with a kind smile.
" thank you for seeing us so soon doctor" Prem gave a short bow in gratitude.
" not at all you are good patients" Dr. Khan tapped their files on her desk.
" what did the tests say? Can we move forward now?" Pat pleaded, eager to make it to the next step.
" well from your blood work and tests it seems you are both in good health and your fertility not an issue" Dr. Khan opened their file and held out two charts. Prem could tell from the numbers that their hormones were good.
" thank you doctor" Prem sat up a little straighter. She was pleased by this good news now they can move to the next step.
" of course, we want you to have as easy a journey as we can make this"
" Doctor if I may..." Pat glanced to Prem then back to Dr. Khan.
"Yes?"
" does my family history endanger the baby? If it were to have my genetics would it...would it have a harder chance at reaching full term?"
" Pat!" Prem didn't like Pat's tone. Her genetics were not a death sentence! Genetics were complicated but anything could be managed with time and care.
" no, no these are good questions, painful but good" Dr. Khan said.
" while you do have a family history of heart disease you are not at risk, and whether you decide to donate your egg or carry, I see no reason the child would be at risk"
" thank you" Pat squeezed Prem's hand relieved at the news.
" of course, have you discussed who will be carrying? It's best to decide these things early so we can begin hormone therapy and harvest eggs for fertilization"Dr. Khan took out a few brochures for fertility clinics that partnered with the hospital.
" well..." Prem looked at Pat uncertain of what to say.
" we have yet to discuss it but what factors do you look for when deciding which partner should carry?" Pat asked.
" again that's up to you, but generally it's the partner that has the less stressful occupation, can maintain a healthy diet, does not have pre-existing conditions" Dr. Khan advised.
" well..." Prem struggled to think of an answer. By that criteria alone Prem didn't seem like the best candidate to carry. Pat had future filming schedules to think about and the news of her carrying would cause a huge splash. This was a big decision and they had talked about the baby but never who would carry it.
" Prem, I would be willing to carry if you don't feel comfortable," Pat offered, squeezing Prem's hand with that doting smile. Pat would always shoulder her discomfort but this time there wasn't any. Prem squeezed Pat's hand and smiled.
" it's ok Angel, I want to"
" your certain? I don't want you to feel pressured"
" I want to do it, you can carry our next one" Prem smiled as Pat lit up.
" our next one!" Pat whispered giddily.
" yes Angel, our next one, now Doctor what's next?"
" you are both cleared, and with Prem as the carrier, it is now up to you to decide the donor and begin the harvest process, if Pat is going to donate her egg or not"
" if Prem is carrying then I will donate, right?" Pat turned to prem with a determined look.
"Are you still worried about your genetics?"
"Like Dr. Khan said, the baby won't be at risk and if it's inside you then it will get all your best stuff by proximity so if I give the egg it will have something of me" Pat grinned cheerily and Prem rolled her eyes.
" so Prem will carry and you will donate?" Dr. Khan made a note on their files.
" yes doctor"
" well ladies it looks like you are on to the next steps, I wish you the best of luck, though with these readings I have no doubt you will have success within the first two rounds of harvesting and implantation" Dr. Khan smiled pleasantly, sparking their hopes.
Pat and Prem shared hopeful smiles. They were finally making progress. Soon they would make the first steps toward their baby!