Chapter Text
Jesse wouldn't consider himself to be suicidal or tired of living. On the contrary even, he was only in his 30s, hadn't seen much of the world and only ever had been in love once. Not that it mattered how many times in your life you had fucked someone mind you. It was just one of those status quos of life that people expected you to live up to. Jesse actually preferred having a strong bond with a person, instead of just fucking them senseless on the kitchen table (that mostly came as an added bonus). Considering all these things, for which being alive was more of a necessity than an option, it seemed to be a rather weird choice for him to live in Annville of all places. Jesse Custer was after all the Avatar – the most wanted man in the whole fire nation and Annville was the heart of it.
Maybe it was because Jesse had always loved the kick in his life, the unexpected and the danger. He and Tulip had wild lives in the past but when they broke up that side of Jesse seemed to have vanished, too. Maybe this was him trying to get a bit closer to that part of his life again because sometimes he missed Tulip. “To the end of the world” they had said to each other so many times and they meant it as long as it lasted, even if the end of the world turned out to be much smaller than they expected.
Now, he avoided fighting and most importantly he avoided bending of any kind. It was just too dangerous for anyone to see his powers. All the people who had known that Jesse was the Avatar were dead by now.
His parents had traveled the world with him, finding people who had been able to teach him in the arts of bending. They had always told him that he was meant to do good in this world because there were just too many bad guys. And naive little Jesse had believed them. He had worked hard, was disciplined and achieved a lot for his young age but he never really got why he was doing it. It took him long after his parents died to finally understand his responsibilities and the burden of being the Avatar, which was at around the same time when he showed the finger to the world and just vanished. He never wanted to be chosen. He never wanted to be the Avatar. He never wanted his parents to die...
Jesse had missed out on so many things in his life because of his training. He never got to play with other children, he always had to be responsible and a role model to others and the older Jesse got the more he hated it. After his parents died he started to make up for everything that he had missed when he was younger and he realized that he enjoyed drinking, smoking and fucking - it made him feel human and it also helped him forget what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to kill Firelord Quincannon.
However, whatever he did he could always hear his parents' voice in his head, reminding him to be good. It was never enough to bring him back to his path, though. Only when he started to actually see how Quincannon's reign of terror made people suffer, he slowly tried to be better, tried to be good again. But Jesse knew that he wasn't good enough to beat him.
Apart from the earthbending which had come quite naturally to him, he'd describe his other bending skills as tolerable. The reason for that was probably the years of suppressing and not using his powers. The worst part was that he never actually learned how to bend fire. Sometimes he could produce flames but they burnt his skin regularly. He was really bad at it.
Maybe this was another reason why Jesse came here, so he could watch other benders and maybe even find a teacher. He soon learned though that Annville was not the place to learn about firebending.
The people in this town either weren't benders or if they were, they would behave like proper dicks about it. Local bully Donnie Schenk had mocked him more than once for his weak bending skills, told him that he was a shame for the fire nation, that someone should just have mercy with him and finish him off before the Firelord discovered how pathetic one of his followers was.
“My 12-year-old is a better bender than you.”, he called over to Jesse after Chris had shown his skills outside of the church. It was sort of a tradition that after every Sunday sermon the firebenders put up a show. It was always a spectacular sight: flames shooting into every direction, the heat burning on the audience's skin. Naturally Jesse only ever watched. “You should stick to your Bible, preacher, even though your sorry ass sucks at that, too”, Donnie continued and started laughing, some of the other men joined in.
Jesse could feel himself blush and avoided looking at them. He knew he could easily break Donnie's jaw and if he was in the mood even rip off his arm without Donnie being able to even use his bending in time to defend himself. However, Jesse tried to lay low and mutilating the right hand man of Firelord Odin Quincannon would probably not help with that.
He felt someone sitting down next to him and looked up. It was the boy of Colonel Root, the only person in this shithole of a town who was hated equally as much by its inhabitants. Jesse still wasn't sure why Eugene was hated so much because to him the boy seemed really sweet and was, next to Emily, the only person in Annville with a good heart. There were several stories about what happened but Jesse tried not to listen to the gossip. He liked the boy and since his arrival here they had bonded a lot.
“How are you doing, Eugene?”, Jesse asked good naturedly and smiled at him.
“I'm okay, preach- euh... Jesse”, he corrected himself after Jesse gave him a stern look. Eugene had agreed to address him with his first name after one of their training sessions. They both sucked at firebending but Eugene was definitely more talented than Jesse. So he would try to teach Jesse how to bend, whereas Jesse gave the boy some lessons in fighting and defending himself.
Jesse saw something in Eugene's eyes and frowned. “Did they pick on you again?” Jesse let his eyes wander over the crowd and found the group of boys he was looking for. They were fooling around, punching each other playfully and laughing loud. Eugene was easy to pick on because he was the underdog. His attempt to shoot himself with a shotgun ended with him having a face that looked like an arsehole, he was a weak bender and had the self-esteem of a shriveled grape.
Eugene seemed to slump down a bit next to him and Jesse felt like punching something. Eugene had fucked up in his past but that didn't mean he deserved to be picked on and bullied every second of his existence.
“You know... you could teach them a lesson?”, Jesse mused aloud. As the town preacher he should definitely not suggest that because violence was a sin after all. But Donnie had been right: he sucked at his job and Eugene deserved better. That was why he agreed to teach him how to fight in the first place.
“So could you and you don't do it either”, he replied, nodding towards Donnie and then looked back at him with admiration on his face which made Jesse very uncomfortable. He wasn't a good man and he definitely didn't deserve to be admired.
“It's different...”
“How so?”
Jesse sighed frustrated and ran a hand through his hair but remained silent.
“I think you're not doing it because you're one of the good guys”, Eugene said after a while and Jesse knew that if the boy still had lips, he'd smile at him now.
“I'm really not, Eugene.” Jesse couldn't understand how this boy trusted him so blindly. Did he see anything in him that he couldn't see? Something that his parents had seen in him, too? That was rubbish.
“You know that I did many bad things in my past. Gossip travels faster in this town than it takes Donnie to shoot this squirrel from the tree.” As if on queue, Donnie made a movement and fire shot towards the poor creature. It squeaked, started to burn and fell down.
Jesse didn't know why he was so determined to convince Eugene that he was not the person he thought. Maybe it was just so he wouldn't be disappointed when Jesse slipped up because he always did.
“So did I and you always say that god forgives me. Whatever you did, I'm pretty sure he forgives you, too.” Jesse wasn't sure whether to laugh or to cry so instead he settled for making a choked noise and looked ahead. That was when his eyes caught sight of a very familiar car and a very familiar person to whom that car belonged, especially when considering the fact that cars were a rarity even for this nation. For a second Jesse thought he was dreaming.
“I... euh – I'm sorry, Eugene but there is someone I need to talk to”, he said and quickly got up.
“S'alright, preacher. Are we still up for later?”
Jesse rolled his eyes when Eugene called him 'preacher' again, but didn't comment on it. Instead he ruffled Eugene's hair and smiled. “Sure. See you here again at sundown.”
Then he made his way through the crowd of people.
“Jesse Custer”, Tulip said with a smug smile on her face and Jesse couldn't help but smile back fondly. She took him by surprise when she hugged him tightly and Jesse would be lying if he pretended that he didn't enjoy her warmth. It would have been a tender moment between the two of them, if the whole fucking town wasn't goggling at them curiously and if she hadn't punched him in the shoulder a second later. That was his Tulip.
“The hell are you doing here?”
“Could ask you the same thing. I was just finishing off a job but I'm sure you don't wanna hear 'bout it, preacher”, she answered, looking mockingly at his collar. Jesse subconsciously put his hand onto the white fabric and smiled sheepishly. “How's that working out for you?”
He swallowed and felt himself flush again. “It's... good. Yeah – I.. It's great”, Jesse stuttered and avoided looking at her but he could see her eyebrows rising anyways. He sighed loudly and admitted: “I suck at it.”
Tulip chuckled and got closer to him, laying her hand flat on his chest. “Everything else would have surprised me”, she breathed sweetly into his ear and Jesse forgot for a second how breathing worked. He could see in her eyes that she loved toying with him and god he had missed this.
Sure, they broke up some years ago, but they had somehow managed to keep their bond and their closeness. That was something that Jesse always enjoyed about their relationship: the openness and gentle banter between them. Jesse would have also enjoyed this a bit more if he couldn't feel the 30 pairs of eyes glued to his back. Quickly he put some space between himself and Tulip and smiled politely.
“You look good, Tulip.”
“Well you look like shit and you cut your hair” she said and put her hand into it. She had to tiptoe to do so and Jesse felt himself bending his knees ever so slightly so it was easier for her to reach his hair. “I hate it!”, she concluded after ruffling through it for a while but there was a fondness to her voice that made him smile.
Jesse cleared his throat. “So...You gonna stay for longer?”
She smiled knowingly at him: “Don't worry, Jesse. I'm not here to cause trouble. Don't mind me.”
Again she stood on tiptoes and pressed a kiss onto his cheek, before she turned around and walked away. “See you around, preacher”, she waved and Jesse gaped after her.
Only after his traitorous beating heart found its normal rhythm again, he was able to move and turned around. Everyone was staring at him as if he had just grown a second head and Jesse cursed inwardly. He needed a drink.
*~*~*
The bar was always crammed with people but usually Jesse wouldn't be in it. He preferred drinking on his own, in solitude or that was what he told himself. Actually he just didn't want to be tempted to get into trouble which was quite likely with the level of alcohol and testosterone in this bar. Today however, had been a weird day and maybe he was looking for a bit of trouble. Just a bit.
Jesse watched the daily arm wrestling contest only with minor interest while sipping at his beer. The outcome of this was always the same anyways: they'd start with arm wrestling, got into a fist fight, tables and windows were broken, they'd start bending and blew up one part of the wall. Jesse was half convinced that most of the people were only here to get that kind of action. Next to the Sunday After Church Firebending Showcasing this was possibly the most exciting thing to happen in this town, even though or maybe because Annville was the small capital of the fire nation.
“Shouldn't ye be doin' somethin' about that – ye being a man of god an' all?” Jesse looked to his side in confusion. Not only had he never heard an accent like this, but he definitely caught the sarcasm in the other man's voice, when referring to him as man of god. Jesse was used to being mocked about sucking at his profession, but someone actually being sarcastic about his profession was new.
Next to him sat a tall and skinny man, sunglasses on his nose and crooked smile on his face. He was wearing a plaid shirt and a vest over it, both were torn and ripped in places. There were dark spots all over his outfit and Jesse wasn't sure whether or not they were part of it or if the stranger had just splattered himself evenly with mud. There was something about the overall appearance of this man that made him fit as much into this town as rain belonged to a cloudless day in summer.
Jesse realized that he was staring at the stranger and tried to hide his embarrassment with a chuckle. “You're not from here, are you?”
The other man laughed, while pulling the sunglasses down from his nose and stuffing them into his pockets. “That obvious, huh?”
“Well that...”, Jesse motioned to where several men already went from the arm wrestling to the fist fighting step of the evening entertainment, “is pretty much a daily routine for this bar. It's some sort of sports for them. If the bar doesn't get trashed at least once every other day, they'll lose their reputation of being tough guys.” Jesse tried to not sound too judgmental about this whole thing but he probably failed.
It was not only stupid, but also wasted so many materials that other people, other nations needed desperately. Jesse could still remember being in other nations where wood and glass were so expensive that many people just couldn't afford to have windows or make a fire to keep warm. And the people in this town wasted these materials. Voicing these opinions out loud, though, was dangerous, one could even say suicidal.
“That's what I'd call, if ye s'cuse the blasphemy padre, one hell of a routine” he said with raised eyebrows.
Jesse couldn't help but frown. To his ears this sounded very critical, if not even scornful. Then again Jesse was very desperate to find someone who shared his opinions, someone he could confide in, a companion of some sorts. He'd been alone for a very long time now and even if Eugene was good company most of the times, he was still very connected to this nation. The more time Jesse spend in this place, however, the more upset and annoyed he got with how these people behaved.
So Jesse took his shot, trying to formulate the next statement as vaguely critical as possible. He came here tonight for just a bit of trouble, Jesse reminded himself of that. Just a bit.
“Well that's beautiful Annville for you” he said, putting as much sarcasm on the 'beautiful' as possible without using his hands to actually make the air quotes. Then he took a huge swig from his bottle, while low-key studying the face of the other man and immediately regretting what he had said. The man furrowed his brow and squinted his eyes, looking disgusted.
If Jesse was lucky, it had just sounded like an inside joke and he really hoped so. If not, he might be fortunate enough to just get away with some days in prison. Jesse didn't want to think about the other possibilities. Before he could mend fences, though, the other man spoke up again: “Ah, that's where I crashed then. Right into the center of this shithole of a nation.”
For the second time today, Jesse thought he was dreaming. He positively gaped at the stranger when he chuckled and turned around to him with a big grin. “So.... whatcha having?”
It took Jesse several seconds to realize that he was spoken to which was quite frankly ridiculous because they had been talking for at least 5 minutes already. Jesse however, was now weirdly distracted by the other man who looked at him with happy, shining eyes and the biggest fucking grin Jesse had ever seen on another person. It was a bit of a mixture of staring directly into the sun and looking into the eyes of a new born puppy. A constant conflict of looking, but not looking too hard. His thoughts were confusing him. “What?”
“What are ye drinkin', padre? My treat.”
“B-beer?” Jesse stuttered. This was possibly the first time in... actually now that he thought about it, it was probably the first time ever that someone invited him for a drink.
The stranger clapped a hand onto Jesse's back. “Nah... I think this night calls fer somethin' stronger. Oh... by the way: It's Cassidy.”
A pale hand was stretched forward, accompanied by another big smile. Jesse suddenly felt flustered and warm. “Jesse Custer” he answered while slowly wrapping his hand around the pale one to shake it.
*~*~*
Jesse would be lying, if he said he wasn't surprised that Cassidy seemed to actually enjoy his company. No one genuinely liked being around him. He was moody, he was boring, he was (supposedly) weak and he had nothing interesting to say (or well he couldn't really talk about all the fascinating things he had seen in his life because he would expose himself). Jesse had adapted this personality for his own safety because in the fire nation and especially in a town like this, people didn't look twice at people like him. Sure, getting mocked, bullied and threatened was part of this life, too but no one would actually expect him to be special in any way. They would probably even less expect him to be the Avatar. Unfortunately this also meant that he was living a very secluded and lonely life.
Cassidy however, didn't seem to mind. On the contrary even: he encouraged Jesse to talk and feel comfortable. They even shared a laugh about one of Cassidy's stories while Ratwater's finest Whiskey was passed back and forth between them. If Jesse had ever felt so alive, it was probably years back when he was still with Tulip. She could always make him forget about his past and his responsibilities. Now he was sitting here with a complete stranger, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, hours passing even though it only felt like minutes.
“Ye wouldn't belie-” Cassidy started but stopped in the middle of the sentence and suddenly dashed forward which made Jesse jump in his seat. If Jesse's reflexes weren't so good he probably wouldn't even have seen what happened next because it was over so quickly. A huge wall of fire was moving towards them and Cassidy had jumped in front of him, made some elegant, but swift movements with his foot and neutralized the attack with his own fire.
Jesse didn't think he had ever seen anything more beautiful in his life. That feeling vanished immediately when he got a look at Cassidy's face after that. Saying that the expression on Cassidy's face was furious was an understatement.
“WHO was that?” he growled, his voice cutting through the air and Jesse felt a shiver running down his spine.
All of the sudden it was painfully silent in the bar. People were throwing worried looks between them and the group of firebenders on the other side of the room as if there was an invisible tennis match happening. No one was laughing.
“It was an accident, pal!” someone piped up but Jesse knew it wasn't. It never was an accident when he was (nearly) hit by fire in this town. Many times he had been burnt quite badly already. And Cassidy seemed to know that too. “Didn't seem like an accident”, Cassidy mused out loud with a grin on his face that Jesse already knew was fake because it didn't reach his eyes. The mood in the whole bar was incredibly tense before Cassidy started laughing. “Yeah, but what do I know? I'm just another shit-faced stranger, am I not?”, and slowly everyone else relaxed and joined in.
Jesse however, could tell that Cassidy was still ready to attack: he was clenching his fist repeatedly, his shoulders were pulled back and his whole stance was tense. Donnie seemed to notice, too. “What's your problem, stranger?” He positively spat the last word while making a threatening step forward.
Cassidy responded with pulling up only the left corner of his mouth which resulted in a dangerous looking grin. “I'll tell ye what my problem is. Wankers like you attacking a good man like him when he is not looking.” Jesse inhaled sharply and swallowed. There went his plan of only getting into a bit of trouble.
Again it was quiet in the bar but this time people gaped at Cassidy as if he had just announced he could turn into a three-headed dog. No one called Donnie a wanker and got out alive. Donnie however, just smiled and slowly walked closer to where Cassidy was standing. Jesse was pretty sure the only reason that Donnie hadn't attacked immediately was because he had seen the skill with which Cassidy had defended himself. Or better Jesse. He couldn't quite wrap his brain around the fact that a man he only got to know some hours ago was trying to protect him. Donnie knew as much as Jesse did that Cassidy was a great bender, possibly even better than Donnie.
“Well look at that. Our preacher made a friend”, he said, while walking closer to them. His whole stance was threatening and Jesse prayed to whoever was listening that Cassidy got out of this unharmed. “Let me tell you how things work in this town.”
“I'm all ears”, Cassidy still smiled dangerously.
Donnie stopped with only 3 feet space left between him and Cassidy. “In this town we don't like strangers like him or you. As long as you shut your face and do as you're told however, you won't get any problems. You got that?”
Cassidy frowned thoughtfully. “Ah, ye know I'm sometimes a bit slow, mate. Ye think ye could write it down fer lil ol' me?”
Donnie took another step and grabbed Cassidy forcefully by the hem of his shirt, their noses nearly touching. Jesse hadn't even noticed that he got onto his feet now, too, ready to break Donnie's bones but Cassidy motioned his hand into his direction, signing him to stop.
“I'm gonna carve it onto your ugly face so you can see it every morning when you look into the mirror.”
Cassidy laughed joylessly. “I wanna see you try” he hissed dangerously and this was when Jesse grabbed Cassidy's wrist and pulled him away.
“Cass, come on. Let's go” he mumbled determinedly and to his surprise Cassidy actually let himself be pulled towards the door.
“Good decision, preacher. Go and hide in your church till Sunday.”
He felt Cassidy stop in his tracks but Jesse pulled with more force and then they were outside, the fresh air of evening cool on their skins.
*~*~*
“I'm sorry for all of this.”
“Ye didn't really do anything. 'S me who should be sorry”, Cassidy offered and smiled down to him. That's when Jesse realized he was still holding onto Cassidy's wrist and quickly let go.
“It's just not good to attack Donnie like that. I really don't want any trouble... any more trouble, you know?”
Cassidy's shoulders slumped at that and he looked a bit disappointed. “Oh... alright. No more trouble.”
They stood in silence for a while. Jesse was again staring at the other m an, not sure why he found him so fascinating. Was it the slender but angular shaped face? The tattoos which started on his hands but disappeared underneath the sleeves of his shirt, making Jesse assume that there were even more on Cassidy's body? The way he had made firebending look so easy and beautiful? Or was it just the simple fact that Cassidy had not only protected him but also genuinely seemed to like him?
“Ye okay, padre?” Jesse snapped out of his thoughts and smiled at the taller man.
“Thanks for your help back there.”
Now the grin was back on Cassidy's face. “Yeah, well... no worries. Grown men playing make-believe is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, I've got to be honest with you.”
They both chuckled. Then Jesse cursed: “Shit! Sorry, Cass. I need to go. I totally forgot that I have to be somewhere. See you around, I guess?”