Chapter Text
“Inter-house Unity Project”
“Good evening students. This book, courtesy of Nicholas Flammel, was designed with the purpose of uniting many people over a long distance. As our headmaster is known to be close friends with Nicholas himself, Hogwarts has been given the opportunity to test the workings of his new invention. Charmed to never run out of pages, this book allows the writer to converse with other students, as well as input their own entries. Each student will be granted one book. Within it contains the option to switch between two networks via checking the boxes provided. One for year level, and one for house.
We trust that this book will not be used with or for any ill-intents that can potentially bring risk and harm to fellow students, or the school itself.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva Mcgonagall,
Deputy Headmistress”
Granger: I can’t believe it, it’s just like texting!
Abott: What’s that?
Granger: It’s how muggles communicate. Like owling a letter, but instant.
Weasley: neat. this is cool
Parkinson: Bet the muggles are having a field day, then.
Thomas: We absolutely are.
Thomas: It’s like having a phone again.
Granger: Oh I wish we could send pictures too!
Bones: Muggle technology allows that?
Malfoy: Weasel, your punctuation and capitalization pains me. Were you raised illiterate?
Abott: Not even an hour in.
Bones: I can hear you sigh.
Weasley: shut it malfoy.
Malfoy: A period. Oh, I’m so scared.
Davis: Shivering in me timbers.
Malfoy: What?
Thomas: Muggle thing. You wouldn’t get it.
Malfoy: Of course not.
__________
Potter-Evans: Well this is new
Weasley: Harry!
Granger: Why have you got two surnames, Harry?
Potter-Evans: I don’t know, actually
Abott: Well that’s jarring to see.
Bones: It’s your official name. The name registered on your Gringgots record is the name this book recognizes.
Potter-Evans: Why have I not known this
Bullstrode: With all offense, your guardians clearly failed in educating you.
Potter-Evans: Couldn’t agree more
Bullstrode: Wait, what?
Zabini: Huh.
Malfoy: What.
Weasley: Not the insult you thought it was huh
Thomas: Lmao
Bullstrode: What??
Bones: Well, that’s certainly something.
Potter-Evans: Let’s talk about something that’s not about me
Greengrass: No, no, Potter-Evans, I have a bone to pick with you.
Nott: Not this again.
Potter-Evans: What’s your deal?
Zabini: I say this not to be civil, but to save all of our time.
Zabini: Don’t.
Greengrass: You shouldn’t be in Gryffindor.
Potter-Evans: What??
Weasley: What’s that supposed to mean?!
Abott: Oh?
Thomas: Uh
Malfoy: Ugh, not this again.
Greengrass: Nothing about you suits red! It clashes with your eyes, horribly.
Potter-Evans: Uhm
Thomas: She’s right, now that I think about it
Granger: Sorry Harry, but she’s right.
Weasley: why should that matter??
Bones: Oh boys,
Greengrass: And to top it off, your entire wardrobe is just distasteful. Why in Salazar’s name do you dress so horridly??
Zabini: Anndd she’s off.
Nott: Can’t stop her now.
Greengrass: You’d think a Potter heir would be more mindful of his image.
Bones: This is surprisingly entertaining.
Davis: Well this is a pleasant topic to come back to.
Parkinson: She’s been holding this in since Year 1 when your robes turned red.
Malfoy: Insufferable, really.
Greengrass: No witch or wizard in their proper mind would ever allow an heir to walk the wizarding streets looking like that.
Potter-Evans: Well excuse me for not being raised by wizards and witches
Bones: Im sorry, you were what??
Malfoy: I distinctly remember father saying Dumbledore left you with distant relatives of the Potters.
Bones: Same story here.
Potter-Evans: No?? I was left with my mum’s muggle sister and her family
Parknison: A tragedy, really.
Granger: Can we not.
Parkinson: Triggered?
Bones: No let’s go back to Harry because what do you mean??
Thomas: Can’t believe being a muggle would prevent me from understanding gossip
Davis: Skill issue.
Thomas: You’re one too??
Davis: I’m a half-blood and a Slytherin, I have more sources than you.
Longbottom: Harry was supposed to be raised by either Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, or my parents not his muggle relatives.
Nott: …And how do you know this?
Longbottom: My gran told me. She knew Harry would be in my year.
Longbottom: “Be prepared,” She said.
Zabini: Longbottom to the rescue.
Abott: Wait, Black? Isn’t he in Azkaban?
Granger: I don’t get it… Why is this such a big deal?
Bones: Well, even without the whole “Harry defeating He-who-shall-not-be-named” schtick, the Potters were already a really old and influential wizarding family.
Bones: Like, Malfoy-level rich.
Greengrass: So, imagine my surprise when the heir came to school with hair worse than kneazle fur!
Thomas: Hey! What’s wrong with kneazles?!
Finnigan: Please don’t get him started on kneazles.
Potter-Evans: I’m not quite sure if I’m being insulted or complimented
Zabini: Neither. You’re being pitied.
Granger: Is fashion really that important in politics?
Greengrass: It says everything about a wixen.
Potter-Evans: Well, thanks for the brief history lesson about my own heritage.
Malfoy: I can’t believe they’d leave you with muggles of all things.
Thomas: Hey hey hey.
Potter-Evans: Headmaster said the bloodwards would protect me, that’s why he left me with my aunt
Nott: ...That is not how bloodwards work.
Bulstrode: The Potter line is doomed, I fear. How could they let the heir be this uneducated?
Finnegan: Fuck that, he’s literally a descendant of Slytherin!
Thomas: Finnegan, we’ve talked about this.
Potter-Evans: For the last time, I did NOT open the chamber of secrets!
Finnegan: You’re still a parselmouth.
Zabini: As fun as I think it would be to have Potter-Evans be a Slytherin descendant, it’s highly unlikely.
Bones: Mhm, I don’t recall the Potter and Slytherin line ever meeting.
Thomas: Seamus, let it go, alright?
Potter-Evans: Merlin, it's like you want me to sic a snake on you
Zabini: Oho?
Finnegan: Is that a fucking threat, Potter?
Thomas: SEAMUS. I've told you this. Harry is NOT the next You-know-who
Finnegan: But what if he is, Dean?
Thomas: Seamus. Do you trust me or not?
Finnegan: … I do.
Thomas: Then trust me when I say that Harry won't be the next Dark Lord
Parkinson: That was sickeningly sweet.
Parkinson: Are the two of them together?
Granger: God, we wish.
Bulstrode: Don't tell me they're—
Bulstrode: What's that word again?
Granger: What word?
Bulstrode: The one we use to describe Zabini.
Zabini: Why is my name getting dragged?
Nott: Not a word, but you mean “dancing around his feelings”?
Bulstrode: Yes. Dancing around their feelings.
Granger: Painfully so.
Weasley: Wait, Zabini has a crush??
Parkinson: A CRUSH. HA.
Zabini: Do NOT. Use the term, “crush”.
Greengrass: The Ravenclaws have been oddly quiet.
Bones: Trust me, they're not.
Bones: Their house network is on the verge of using up all the pages of the book as we speak.
Thomas: Aren't the pages charmed to never end…?
Bones: Exactly.
Weasley: oh Hermione, you would've been perfect there
Hermione: I shouldn't have fought the hat.
Bones: You what—?
Hermione: Fought the hat? It made me choose between three different houses.
Weasley: so that's why you were almost a hat stall
Bones: Gryffindor and Ravenclaw I presume?
Granger: Yes, and Slytherin.
Parkinson: You—
Nott: Wait, what?
Greengrass: Granger? In Slytherin? I can't even picture that in my head.
Granger: Neither can I! The hat didn't even provide a reason.
Granger: “Not now. But soon, you'll see.” It said.
Nott: How ominous.
Malfoy: That's… unexpected.
Weasley: got something to say, Malfoy?
Malfoy: Calm it, Weasel. Just surprised. Wouldn't have taken Miss by-the-book here for a potential snake.
Weasley: sod off, Malfoy.
Bones: Ugh. We were doing so well.
Thomas: Don't let Ron and Malfoy write to each other. Noted.
Zabini: On the topic of hat stalls.
Davis: Ruh oh.
Thomas: God, I can even hear the voice.
Davis: Well versed in memes, I see.
Bulstrode: What??
Zabini: ON THE TOPIC OF HAT STALLS.
Zabini: Thank you.
Zabini: Potter-Evans. Mind telling us why you took thirty minutes to get sorted?
Longbottom: I don't think Harry should say it unless he wants to..
Zabini: Love your concern darling, but your local celebrity here has me intrigued.
Thomas: Well.
Abott: Huh.
Potter-Evans: Thirty minutes?! I thought it was shorter than that!
Malfoy: Yes. Half an hour. We almost thought the hat fell asleep on you.
Granger: Come to think about it, you never told us what took you so long, Harry.
Davis: Surely Gryffindor and Hufflepuff should be that hard of a choice, innit?
Potter-Evans: I hear Wood calling me for Quidditch practice.
Malfoy: Stupid Potter, It's raining.
Granger: I swear I'm gonna hex him into next Halloween.
Davis: Shiver me timbers
Weasley: you've said that twice now what does that even mean
Parkinson: Weasley, I say this with half the usual prejudice I normally do, please fix your sentence construction.
Abott: Why half?
Parkinson: This network has put me in a good mood. I'm feeling benevolent today.
Nott: Gee, how blessed we are.
Thomas: I love the sarcasm
Thomas: I love this. It's so fun
Granger: Seeing the words magically appear on the pages is just so fascinating to see! I can even see everyone’s hand writing!
Davis: Penmanship really says a lot about a person, huh?
Bones: Like how all the Slytherins have really gorgeous handwriting.
Greengrass: Oh you flatter us.
Bones: I have to if I want to take over the Ministry some day!
Greengrass: …What.
Zabini: Ooh, ambitious. How admirable.
Abott: She really wants to be Chief Warlock someday.
Bones: And this new network program is the perfect place to start!