Chapter Text
Sunoo always thought that he and Sunghoon had a pretty decent relationship. Though it was true that he was closer to Jungwon while the older mostly hung out with Jake and Jay, that didn’t mean they didn’t get along well enough in the times that they were together. In fact, when it came to their official content, fans seemed to really enjoy the banter sported by their dynamic. Outside of formal schedules, it wasn’t uncommon for them to spend time with each other either, though mostly as an entire group and seldom alone together. Though he didn’t like to admit it, he had become accustomed to and even grown fond of Sunghoon’s presence, from the way he would consistently tease him to the gentler ways in which he paid him attention. Being with him felt light and easy, and he had become someone who Sunoo could genuinely trust with his true self.
Nowadays though, it felt like he was on his radar more than usual. Naturally, it was normal for people to grow closer, especially in their case with so many hours spent being in the other’s presence each day. But something about these past few weeks felt different — even the staff had begun to point out Sunghoon’s tendency to joke around with him, often linking it to some sort of affection.
Even in the absence of other’s observations, Sunoo wasn’t that naive as to be totally oblivious to Sunghoon’s behavior towards him, and all of his suspicions doubtfully bubbled beneath the surface before a single catalyst cast them on fire and changed everything.
—
It began at a fansign, as things tend to do.
The group had just filmed an episode for the variety show 2D1N before this, meaning their energy levels were relatively exhausted as they rushed towards the next thing on their schedule. Nonetheless, Sunoo felt determined to give their fans their money’s worth. After their performance of Bad Desire, he began flitting around the room dedicated to the fansign, posing with various props for eager fansites. The others around him were doing the same, and he held in a laugh watching Jay and Jungwon push a giant chicken hat between them as the rest of the guys ignored them to interact with fans.
Before he knew it, a yawn subconsciously escaped him, right as the click of a camera went off. Sunoo instinctively turned to the side, covering his mouth and cursing under his breath — the only thing worse than being tired on schedule (which was sadly a regular occurrence) was getting caught being tired on schedule. He hoped he at least looked somewhat decent in that shot, and that it wouldn’t be spread across the internet as a reaction picture. While the other members seemed fine with being plastered in countless comment sections, he was more hesitant to sacrifice his idol image for the sake of entertainment.
Speaking of said members, Jake and Ni-ki were currently telling fans about a recent incident that happened at their dorm. Sunoo was reaching towards the table behind him to pick up his mic and chime in when someone lightly bumped their left shoulder into his right. From the mere scent of their Creed Aventus cologne, Sunoo instantly recognized who it was, and he automatically schooled his face into a slight frown in preparation for the inevitable teasing that was to come for looking sleep-deprived in front of their beloved fans.
“Tired already?”
The teasing inflection in Sunghoon’s voice was no surprise, but what instead came as a shock for Sunoo as he angled his head to look at him was to see an almost conflicted expression on his face. His usual smirk was somewhat half-hearted, maybe even hesitant, as if he himself was unsure of how to act, and the curve of his lips turned slightly downwards with a crease etched on his pale forehead. He leaned down, making Sunoo all too aware of the worry in his eyes, which were framed behind clear glasses that looked awfully good on him. It seemed that beyond what he had said, there was a deeper question of concern that he could not express.
His lips were close to Sunoo’s ear when he spoke, which made the moment feel strangely intimate. A few seconds later, the faraway sound of him clearing his throat, a habit he knew the other only resorted to in awkward situations, signalled that some time had passed with Sunoo zoned out and staring at him like a fool.
This realization broke the trance and caused him to instinctively let out a laugh, fully turning to Sunghoon in disbelief.
“Am not.” Sunoo quipped, crossing his arms across his chest as he squinted at him, allowing a small, almost teasing smile to encompass his features. “What’s with the concern?”
Sunghoon’s gaze swiftly swept over his face, as if he didn’t believe him and thought the real answer was hidden on his features.
After what felt like a bit of soul searching, he decidedly gave up, and just like that, the usually dopey, teasing Sunghoon was back, with a wide smile that showcased his fangs spread across his stupidly handsome face. It was almost as if it had never left, and Sunoo was half convinced he had imagined what had just happened.
“Can’t have you getting sick on schedule. Who else would I tease if you’re not around?” Sunghoon remarked, grinning as he reached up to playfully pat Sunoo’s head.
“Hey, my stylist spent at least an hour on that.” Sunoo frowned, turning away and shooing Sunghoon’s hand, ignoring how his heart rate sped up at the other’s words.
Sunghoon merely smirked at his retaliation, using his right hand to push Sunoo’s away as his left aimed to turn him back towards him by his side. Despite his attempts to writhe out of Sunghoon’s grasp, it proved aimless as he was quickly drawn back to his side. Sunoo was all too aware of their proximity as instead of dropping down to release him, Sunghoon’s hand further circled around his middle, pulling him even closer.
Even as he moved him, there was a hint of gentleness to his hold that made Sunoo wonder whether someone had adjusted the room’s temperature without telling him. Sunghoon felt warm, almost too warm, against him, and Sunoo had full intent to complain about it as he turned his gaze upwards.
Only as his eyes met Sunghoon’s, all the words died on his tongue as they each became all too aware of where they were and the closeness that they were displaying. Sunoo could vaguely hear camera clicks as frenzied as his own heartbeat, along with the phrase “like an old married couple” being voiced by multiple people, and so he pushed Sunghoon’s hand away and stepped out of his reach. To top the act off, Sunoo rolled his eyes with the best impression of annoyance he could muster. Already, heat was climbing up his face, and he slowly walked towards the other side of the room with subtle speed, avoiding the looks that some of the members sent his way.
He was doomed to know he would be thinking about this for the days to come. It was one thing to engage in borderline public displays of “affection” at a fansign, but to appear flustered on camera was a whole other story. Sunoo considered sending himself back to media training at this point for messing up twice today alone. His only hope was that fans would put it down as just another moment of banter between them which eventually ended in sulkiness.
“Teasing you is the joy of my life.”
Well, Sunoo thought it certainly showed. He shook his head and picked his mic back up, hoping to not have to make eye contact with a certain person for the rest of the event.
If he had only turned to look behind him, he would have not only seen red ears matching his own, but a small, fond, and equally flustered smile.
—
“Do I look good?”
The familiar question broke the silence that once blanketed their car. Sunoo scoffed, wondering if this was another one of his stupid jokes. This was the equivalent of being asked about whether you were busy as an idol — a blatant and obvious yes.
Just for theatrics and obviously not out of any personal desire, he turned to survey Sunghoon’s appearance. He was dressed in a loosely fit white polo, accentuated with a black tie that matched with the baggy leather pants that draped down his broad figure. Drifting from his usually more parted hairstyle, the team had let his bangs down, giving him more of a boyish, somewhat youthful, look. Though he always looked good, there was something about this look that Sunoo could bet would go down in the Twitter history books.
As his eyes came back towards his face, he found something in Sunghoon’s expression that gave him pause. It was unlike him to bear such open vulnerability, showing expectations that made Sunoo momentarily believe that his answer would truly be taken to heart.
It reminded him of a brief moment in one of their previous vlogs, where Sunghoon had asked him the exact same question. Then, he could write it off as mere teasing, a part of entertainment for him and the fans who loved their interactions.
Only this time, there was no one else around, even as Sunoo turned to look for hidden cameras intended to capture content.
He decided to go for a safe answer and shrugged, though a small teasing smile betrayed the indifference he intended to portray. “I don’t know, do you?”
“Always so cold.” Sunghoon faked offense with an exaggerated frown stretching over his features, though a hint of fondness noticeably coated his tone.
“Says you,” Sunoo retorted, laughing softly. Just because he felt like it, he added: “Of course you look good. Do you really need me to tell you that?”
Surprise gradually crept onto Sunghoon’s face, though it was quickly replaced with a warm and obviously satisfied smile that made Sunoo himself feel vulnerable.
“I like hearing it from you.”
As quickly as he had said it, Sunghoon turned away, his bangs now acting as a shield for his features. Sunoo graciously decided not to point out that his ears were now turning red, turning his attention back to his phone to continue scouting for Tiktoks that they could upload to their official account.
Though he appeared outwardly calm, it reflected nothing of the actual truth. What was up with this guy? It had only been a few days since the fansign, and here he was acting weirder than usual again. Mind you, the bar was pretty high for that already, and he continued to surpass Sunoo’s expectations.
Still, there was nothing that he could assume about Sunghoon’s actions. He had read stories about love-bombing and situationships and all the horrors of the modern world, which eventually taught him that you should never assume someone liked you until they actually said so.
But really? Everyone, from the other members to the fans to even the staff, would point out Sunghoon’s affection towards him as if it were the most obvious thing in the world; and he wasn’t dense enough to not see it himself. The teasing he could get behind — though they were known for their banter within the group, that kind of dynamic wasn’t exactly uncommon among friends in the first place. It could easily be written off as friendship, or even fanservice.
Something about him was different from that though, and it continued to confuse Sunoo. If he wasn’t looking at him with that look on his face from afar, he was going to stand by his side whenever he could. If he wasn’t teasing him in their content, he was always mentioning him in his lives (well, when he wasn’t staring directly at the camera in silence).
Sunoo shook his head. It was one thing to not know someone else’s feelings, but not understanding your own on top of that was even worse. He told himself he just liked being taken care of and noticed, but he found himself unconsciously searching for him, always meeting his gaze and being the first to notice when something was up.
A new fear came over him. What if these interactions seemed strange because he was overthinking it all? Maybe Sunghoon had taken pity on his poor heart and was reciprocating for the sake of group dynamics.
There was nothing more tempting than to scream into a good pillow right now, but as of now, there was neither that nor the time to dwell on this complicated situation. No matter what happened, he couldn’t do much unless Sunghoon actually admitted any feelings.
Sunoo sighed, and the exhaustion that radiated through was no stranger to him.
Somehow, Sunghoon noticed this as well, and Sunoo was minding his own business and mindlessly scrolling to clear his troubled thoughts when he heard the almost silent click of a seatbelt beside him. He hadn’t processed what it could be before an arm wrapped his shoulder and gently titled him sidewards to lean on someone’s shoulder.
“What?”
“I know you’re tired,” Sunghoon murmured, his hand tapping Sunoo’s shoulder as casually as if it belonged there. “Rest for a bit.”
In his disbelief, Sunoo turned to look at Sunghoon, who was apparently committed to avoiding eye contact. This idiot had scooted over just to serve as his personal pillow, and he couldn’t even look at him. If only Sunghoon knew the real cause of his dismay was right next to him, acting in such a way that would only worsen the problem. Still, Sunoo supposed a nap, sponsored by extra cushioning, was always appreciated.
The invitation was clear, and Sunoo firmly told himself he merely appreciated the warmth coming from him as he moved to lay his head on Sunghoon’s shoulder.
“Thanks,” he said, though the sound was already muffled by his cheek being squished.
Sunghoon merely hummed in acknowledgment, turning his head back to stare at the window on his side, though the corners of his lips raised a bit as if in satisfaction.
Minutes after he had closed his eyes, he was just about to drift off when he felt the sensation of gentle fingers moving his bangs out of his eyes, a delicate movement meant for something fragilely beautiful, which was accompanied by a brief whisper, spoken in a single breath that drifted off as quickly as it appeared.
“Cute.”
Sunoo didn’t get a wink of sleep for the entire ride, though he made a valiant attempt at pretending to.
—
The moment that served to be Sunoo’s last straw happened on his very own birthday.
Within the past hour of the day, the members had flocked over to Sunoo’s room to wait for midnight with him, with Jungwon the ever-responsible leader arriving at exactly eleven and Jay, Sunghoon, Jake, and Heeseung respectively following suit, all the way until Ni-ki who had slunk in 10 minutes before claiming to be grateful to not have missed it while oversleeping.
As the clock struck midnight, the room was instantly filled with cheers and everyone piled onto him in a giant and somewhat painful hug. Sunoo was pretty sure he was being elbowed by at least three different people, but his heart was full as he received his greetings from everyone. Moments like these reminded him of what he truly loved about the group. Even though everyone relentlessly teased each other, you could feel how much each person cared for one another, and it especially shined in moments such as this.
After untangling the mess of limbs on the floor, they sat in a semicircle centering Sunoo to hand him his the gifts, and Jungwon proudly took center stage first as he leapt up to present him with a shirt that had a familiar sad-looking lion on it, helpfully captioned, “The lion…”, along with a handful of skincare freebies he had stowed away from his latest brand deal. Sunoo cheered and gave him a hug, though he didn’t fully understand what the shirt was for or what corner of the internet Jungwon had stolen it from.
Jay and Jake had taken it upon themselves to personally restock his supply of supplements, which he’d been too busy to refill lately. Admittedly, he had teared up a bit as he collected them from the two.
Heesung and Niki had also put their money together to buy him a giant tub of mint chocolate ice cream. Considering their passionate dismay for it, Sunoo had never felt happier to see their jokingly frowny faces as they handed him the gift, and he could see his future bright in front of him with this and a great K-drama.
And now, only Sunghoon was left, which made Sunoo nervous for reasons he couldn’t explain. He could almost feel his hands trembling as Sunghoon slid up from his spot on the floor to approach him with his one hand hidden behind his back, with an anticipating expression that certainly didn’t calm his nerves.
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?” Sunoo’s eyebrows shot up in suspicion.
“Just do it,” Sunghoon insisted, with an air of confidence that further unsettled him.
Sunoo did so, though not without pointedly rolling his eyes. He brought his shaky palms up and slightly spread them apart while extending them outwards so Sunghoon could pass him his gift. With bated breath, he waited and waited, with only the only members’ muffled laughter occasionally breaking the silence. Finally, he felt a light sensation leaving weight on his palms. It seemed to be a small collection of rectangularish cards, small enough to be passed into his right hand. Based on his speculation, it could be some glossy, small giftcards, or maybe some kind of sleeved limited edition cards.
“Okay, you can open your eyes now.”
Sunoo squinted, then rapidly blinked.
Laying in his hand were none other than… pictures of Sunghoon?
Polaroids, specifically, which explained the glossy feeling earlier. Flipping through them, Sunoo noted that some of them were close-ups while others were more scenic, presumably taken throughout their world tour.
“Wow, the nerve of this guy,” he couldn’t help but comment as he examined one in particular, which showed a winking Sunghoon turned towards the camera, turning to show it to the rest of the guys. Laughter filled the room, with several of the guys voicing their judgment towards Sunghoon.
“You should be grateful.” Sunghoon ignored them, folding his arms across his chest and raising his eyebrows at Sunoo instead. “I don’t know how I’ll live without those.”
When Sunoo guessed cards, this was not what he was expecting. Though, he couldn’t say he was entirely surprised. It had become an unspoken tradition for at least one member to use their own pictures as a birthday gift, though that person was usually him.
He pouted at the one who had shamelessly stolen his idea. “Look at you copying me.”
“Payback for my last birthday.” Sunghoon grinned, recalling the time Sunoo had posted selfies on Weverse and claimed it to be his gift. Though he should seem wholly triumphant after exacting his “revenge,” it seemed to Sunoo that he was still waiting for something. Unease and anticipation seemed to be in war across his face, even as the others engaged in lighthearted conversation around him.
With the unofficial celebration ending, Sunoo had no time to think this over as he waved goodbye to everyone, who filed out of his room either alone or in pairs to go to sleep. Sleep was what they called it, but Sunoo knew he would hear a cacophony of sound effects from various video games if he were to step outside. Humming in content, he didn’t stop to watch them as he turned away from the door and towards his gifts, setting down the Sunghoon collection in favor of sorting the heavy bag of supplements.
Only as he turned around to place each group in his respective drawers in the opposite corner of his room did he flinch.
“God, you scared me. How long have you been standing there?”
Standing there in all his monotone might was Sunghoon, who watched him with a once conflicted, now guilty expression, almost as if he didn’t expect to be caught leaning against the door in plain sight.
“I just got back, I swear.” Sunghoon raised his right hand up with his palm showing, left hand cradling the box as his eyes grew comically wide. In his arms was a medium-sized box wrapped in obnoxious bright pink wrapping, and the way it contrasted with Sunghoon’s pure black hoodie and gray sweatpants made Sunoo laugh. “I ran to my room to go get something.”
“Hm?” Curiosity quickly overtook Sunoo’s concern for his noodle-like survival instincts in the race for his attention, silently asking for an explanation. He wondered what could be so important as to wait for the other members to leave first.
“Its,” Sunghoon paused, free hand reaching for the back of his neck as he glanced at the floor, “another gift for you.”
“Really? Were those polaroids not enough?” Sunoo joked, though secretly flattered and wondering what it could be. He approached Sunghoon and attempted to grab the box, though he was quickly stopped as the other put his arm on his shoulder and moved him away with ease to create some distance between them.
“Tsk, at least let me do the honors.” Sunghoon frowned.
“Fine, fine.” Sunoo pointedly turned his lips downward as he walked over to the couch in the center of the room, beckoning Sunghoon to sit beside him. The gift lay on his lap like Pandora's box awaiting to be opened.
Apparently, suspense ceased to be significant as they sat beside each other, as Sunghoon quickly handed it over to him and eagerly awaited his reaction.
“What was the point of making me come over here?” Sunoo laughed loudly, though his hands excitedly tore open the wrapping.
As the pink wrapping drifted to the floor and Sunoo opened the white box that followed, Sunghoon nervously cleared his throat and watched.
To Sunoo’s amusement, within the box was yet another box, only this one had an image on its front that made him practically leap back in shock. His hands rose to cover his mouth as he stared at the picture of a high-end digital Leica camera, specifically the one that been on his wishlist for ages now.
“Oh my God,” Sunoo muttered, slowly lowering his hands with his jaw still hanging open. He blinked between Sunghoon, who stared at him with a tense expression on his face, and the gift sitting innocently in his lap, as if he were about to wake up for a dream any second now.
“How? How’d you know I wanted this?”
Sunghoon smiled sheepishly, seeming to regain his confidence in the shocked expression on Sunoo’s face.
“You remember a few months ago, when we visited-” Sunghoon paused, “I mean, when you dragged me to the camera store in New York?” He only laughed as Sunoo lightly hit his knee.
“You were telling me about all the cameras there, and you spoke about this one for much longer. I mean, you practically had sparkles in your eyes, I was worried I would have to assist you in a robbery. The salesman even had to remind you to step away from the display.” He laughed and ended his explanation with a smile that could only be described as fond.
“I remember that night,” Sunoo remarked with a shy smile of his own. “You looked so tired while you were listening to me.”
“It was fun though.”
Sunoo raised an eyebrow in disbelief and giggled, thinking back to those busy days.
The tour was pretty rushed, to say the least, which meant they usually stayed at the hotel whenever they got downtime. When they met for dinner and he asked if anyone was willing to go downtown with him, everyone had been hesitant. He couldn’t blame them, he would do the same if he only hadn’t glimpsed some cool camera models through the window of the van. As he was about to leave, Sunghoon changed his mind, claiming that he shouldn’t go alone as the others mocked him for having a soft spot for Sunoo. Though unexpected, it meant a lot to him to have company, and going on several tangents about the cameras he wanted as Sunghoon patiently listened became one of his favorite memories from the entire tour.
Those polaroid pictures of him turned out to be a ruse for one of the most, if not the most thoughtful gift he had ever received.
Ah. His surroundings were beginning to blur, as he turned away and wiped his eyes quickly to prevent Sunghoon from noticing.
“You literally know me better than myself sometimes.”
“Yeah, I get that a lot.” Sunghoon’s smile grew as he shifted closer to Sunoo on the couch, when his brows suddenly furrowed in concern.
“Wait, are you crying?” He asked before Sunoo even had a chance to question his previous statement.
“Sorry, I’m just,” Sunoo paused to wipe his tears and laughed at himself, “really grateful, honestly. Thank you, Sunghoon. I didn’t think I would ever be able to get one of these, and now I have one of my own. Not to mention it came from you, of all people.” He jokingly elbowed Sunghoon in the side, leaning to rest their shoulders against each other afterwards.
Sunghoon pinched his cheek indulgently, a habit Sunoo had initially protested but eventually given into. “No need to thank me. I’m just glad you liked it.”
The two fell into comfortable silence as Sunoo happily opened his gift, with Sunghoon contentedly watching him.
Abruptly, Sunoo sat up in realization. “Wait, wasn’t this expensive?”
“Not really.” It was. But for Sunghoon, it was more than worth the cost to see Sunoo so happy.
By then, Sunoo had lifted the camera out of its box with the meticulous caution that one would only use to cradle a newborn baby, pointing it at Sunghoon who stared at him blankly.
"A smile would be nice," Sunoo remarked. "Ah, forget it. This is much more fitting."
And just like that, the very first photo on his newest prized possession became a blinding photo of Park Sunghoon's poker face.
Sunoo couldn't help but laugh as he clicked some buttons to show it to the other, who smiled not at the photo but the expression of the one who had taken it. Sunoo snapped another picture of him before he could react.
The clock eventually struck three, and Sunoo set the camera down on his desk and walked Sunghoon to the door after much nagging to finally get him to sleep.
“Goodnight, Sunghoon. Thank you again.” Sunoo beamed, his eyes crinkling with joy.
Sunghoon merely smiled in response, and Sunoo turned away from the door before he heard the other speak from a few steps away.
“Sunoo.”
“Yeah?” Sunoo turned back and tilted his head in acknowledgment.
Suddenly, Sunghoon took large strides and wrapped his arms around Sunoo in a hug. Their height difference made it so that he could rest his head on top of Sunoo’s, which lay on his shoulder.
“Thank you,” he said in what was almost a whisper, “and happy birthday again.” A featherlight pressure on the top of Sunoo's head accompanied with his words.
Sunoo froze, and his hesitation seemed to be misunderstood by the other, who pulled away and turned to walk towards his room after telling him to sleep well.
It all happened too fast, and he was gone before even Sunoo got to respond.
"Rude."
Was that the wind or the lack of sleep or did Sunghoon just kiss his head?
Sunoo flopped onto his bed with an overdramatic sigh, too tired to incessantly replay what had just happened in his mind.
It was at that moment that he finally made up his mind.
He would need to consult an expert.
—
Jungwon’s jaw dropped so low that Sunoo briefly worried about surgery. “He did what???”
“That idiot. I knew something was up when he suddenly ran towards his room.” He huffed with an expression that only an exasperated group leader of five years could display with such perfection.
“Wonie, I’m going crazy. Actually, I have been.” Sunoo dramatically sobbed, as the leader touched his arm sympathetically, in the manner that one would soothe a young child whose lollipop was taken right in front of them.
“It’s okay Sun, things could always be worse. I think having a buff, almost 6-foot tall man yearn for you could be classified as a first-world problem.”
“Take that back,” Sunoo whines, hiding his face behind his hands, “Please.”
“Stop trying to fool me, I know you love the attention.” Jungwon laughs, playfully pushing his fingers away one by one in pursuit of uncovering Sunoo’s shame flushed face.
“And what if I do? What’s the point if he won’t even say what he really feels to my face?” He might as well come clean to his best friend at this point. “It’s probably just an act.”
“Now even you don’t believe that.”
Sunoo merely frowns at him, and he and Jungwon make frowny eye contact for a bit until he can see the problem-solver leader mode ignite on his face.
“It’s okay, Sun. I refuse to retire ‘til I solve this.” Jungwon proclaims, with a dramatic fist raised in the air. Now this is why they’re best friends.
“Really? Will you knock some sense into him once and for all?”
“Better.” Jungwon smirks, and Sunoo’s hope grows with it. “This is war.”
“I’ve never loved anyone more than you, Yang Jungwon.”
“Thanks, but please save that for Sunghoon.”
“Not helping!”
—
In another room, a conversation of the same topic was heading in a totally different direction.
Jake leaned forward to face him, a canine-like grin splitting across his features. Sunghoon immediately felt a bead of sweat manifest on his forehead.
“So,” he singsonged with a teasing lilt in his voice, “how’s it going with Sunoo?”
Apparently his love life had become the most interesting topic for the group, as Jay immediately halted his aimless guitar strumming to face him from the other side. “How else could it be going? He’s been following him around like a lost puppy this whole week.”
“Right? Dude, you asking to switch cars with me just to be with him was crazy.” Jake laughed.
“What else can I do? I have to do this or he won’t get the hint.” Sunghoon swears he’s normally more verbally forward, but all the meaningful words fly out of his head the second he looks at Sunoo.
“Bro, at this point, it’d be impossible if he didn’t.” Jay clapped him on the back a little too hard.
“Respect.” Jake nodded solemnly.
“For real?”
“Yeah bro, just keep up the good work.” Jay loudly claps once, which Sunghoon takes as a proud sign of support, and returns to his guitar.
They had never been more oblivious.