Chapter Text
I'm never coming back here again. I hate everything about this place. And everyone hates me. I pay for everything, I make sure everyone has decent things, that the food is good, that my father is buried next to his parents, that the grave is perfectly done. And all I hear is "not enough." "I want more, Ilya, I need more, Ilya, more, more, more, more, more, more, more." I can't give these people anything more. I've given them everything. And I feel empty myself! They don't care about me. They look at me and see either an ATM or an enemy. Or... I don't know who. My brother... he's always hated me. I know why, but... it's fucking killing me. And it fucking kills me that he took care of my father, and I didn't. But I couldn't. I wasn't here. I still paid for everything, but he'll never forgive me. For anything. For the fact that I even exist. That means I have no one now. Well... not exactly no one, I have Svetlana. She loves me. And I love her. But not like... fuck it. Not like I love you. That's the whole problem. I only want you. And always only you. I love you so much and I don't know what to do about it.