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The end of the year was always hectic for idols, days filled with memorizing new dance breaks and practicing for collab stages.
Not only was it award show season, but there were dozens of festivals, covers, and special stages during the month of December. It was a busy season for an idol fan, but an even busier season for an idol.
When they weren’t in the practice room, they were getting their outfits fitted. When they weren’t doing that, they were filming holiday content. When they weren’t filming new content, they were watching their practice videos over and over, looking for every detail that needed refinement.
They spent more time than ever in the vocal rooms and in front of cameras, work seeming to never end. There seemed to be a festival or an award show every other day, leaving their already packed schedules overflowing.
It was tough: practicing new routines, making sure not to get dance breaks mixed up, and traveling back and forth between countries.
But it was worth it. At least, Jihoon thought so.
Nothing felt more satisfying than seeing his fans’ faces in the crowd, screaming over their outfits and losing it over the small changes to their songs.
Crowds of fans complimenting the group's improvement and pure skill, people holding other groups' lightsticks, asking, “Who’s that blonde guy in TWS?” It was riveting, waiting for the response from the public.
He loved to check Twitter afterwards, reading his fans' reactions and watching them find all the little details of the performance he worked so hard to perfect.
Getting to be recognized for his dancing by a large audience was always Jihoon’s dream, and he got to live it out, especially during these months.
So yes, he found himself enjoying the winter months despite the heavy workload.
But that didn’t change the fact that the overflow of work made things hard, especially for someone in a relationship.
Even when you're in a relationship with your group member, and even when you’re in a relationship with your roommate.
Jihoon and Dohoon were around each other almost every hour of the day, yet during these months, it felt like they had no opportunity to see each other at all.
The two had been a couple for a bit over a year, though living/ working together wasn’t as convenient as one might think.
It felt almost natural for Jihoon to end up with Dohoon, bickering aside. They understood each other perfectly and were similar in every way that counts.
While they did tease each other and argue constantly, it was always done out of enjoyment, their own way of showing how deep their bond is. The two had a special understanding of each other, a connection that could not be rivaled.
It wasn’t hard for friendship to turn to love, especially when they were surrounded by each other's personalities 24 hours a day.
The two understood each other to the point that they were aware the other had feelings for them before they realized their own feelings. They fell into a relationship pretty quickly, and they did not regret it one bit.
Getting together wasn’t scary at all, the two not having any fear, when the person who was by their side was the person they could consider their soulmate.
Dating as an idol is a bit difficult, though, especially if you're both men.
Their dates either took place in their own room or with the rest of the members, the two walking behind everyone else just so they could have a moment “alone”. They’d eat ramen together or share a cup of coffee, not having the privilege to go to fancy restaurants or kiss on Ferris wheels.
Additionally, it was almost impossible to decipher where the line between personal skinship and fanservice was. The two could never tell what would make fans squeal and what would cause rumors, so they mostly stuck to bickering on camera, only allowing a few moments to get close.
A lingering touch could ruin their careers, and an intimate gaze could leave their fellow members questioning if something was going on between the two.
Especially at the end of the year, they barely saw each other. They only went to the dorms to sleep, finding no time to hang out or talk unless it was in a group setting.
They used the ride home to catch up on sleep and reply to fans on Weverse, and a majority of the free time they did have was spent on Weverse lives and trying to clean the apartment after weeks of being too busy to do so.
It left Jihoon feeling a bit down, even during such a rewarding time of the year.
He was the kind of person who needed human connection, even after hours of strenuous practice. While others would want to wind down with a show in bed, Jihoon needed at least some interaction with those he cared about, whether it be with a quick chat or a simple meal.
Their only completely free time was in waiting rooms, and even then, a majority of that was filmed and in the presence of 20 staff members.
Surely their end of the year wouldn’t be completely empty though, right?
Jihoon looked out the car window, heading home after a long day of rehearsing. He was resolute in his thoughts, deciding that he would ask Dohoon to hang out today.
The boy hoped they could at least have one moment to themselves during the holiday season, just a single moment to bask in each other's company.
He was a bit scared to do so, in all honesty; not because Dohoon was mean or would say something to hurt him, but just because he knew how hectic and overwhelming things got. He didn’t want to bother Dohoon, interrupting his free time when they have so little to begin with.
His roommate got sick more easily than most, meaning his free time was even more necessary. If he didn’t rest properly, he would end up either suffering on stage or stuck back at home, disappointed in himself for not being able to attend the performance.
He stared at the boy who sat in the row in front of him, headphones in his ears, music so loud that Jihoon could hear the strong vocals of IU from across the vehicle. His eyes were closed, but he wasn’t sleeping.
Perhaps someone else would assume so, but Jihoon knew better. Dohoon was resting his eyes, awake but giving his brain a break from the world around him.
He did that often, tuning out the outside world and existing in his thoughts for a bit.
Jihoon studied the man, eyes tracing over details he hadn’t looked at in a while. Beauty marks, the bridge of his nose, his delicate eyelashes; all things he hadn’t recently had the opportunity to study until every detail was ingrained into his mind.
A slight fatigue painted the older’s face, but luckily, it was the same tiredness all the members’ faces held, and not something to be overly concerned about.
Arriving home, the group exited the car and went up to their apartment, the six not speaking much aside from Shinyu’s occasional teasing of Kyungmin, and Youngjae’s laughing as he witnessed the humorous situation.
As they entered their house, they all slipped their shoes off and made their way to their respective places. Some went to shower, others went to cook food, while the rest went to their bedroom.
Jihoon considered making something to eat, his body in desperate need of replenishment, but he figured that the best chance he had at talking to Dohoon privately would be where they both slept.
He turned into the hallway where their room stood and took a slight sigh of relief as someone walked with him to the same destination.
Conveniently, Jihoon and Dohoon both headed to their bedroom, giving Jihoon the perfect opportunity to enact his plan.
Opening the door, Jihoon took a seat on his bed, watching Dohoon as he opened and closed his cabinets, seemingly searching for something.
The younger fiddled with his hands as he watched his boyfriend, who momentarily disappeared behind his white divider before reappearing.
Jihoon surveyed the man in front of him, observing Dohoon’s tired face.
“Hyung”, he called out hesitantly, voice wavering so slightly that it went undetected.
The older looked towards the voice, watching as Jihoon walked over to the divider and entered Dohoon’s section of the room, directly facing him.
The older gave a quick, tired smile, the type of smile Jihoon knew only he got to see, the type of smile only he caused.
Dohoon put his arms around Jihoon’s waist, resting his head on the younger’s shoulder.
They stood there for a few minutes, silently swaying together as they took a second to recharge.
A thought popped up in Jihoon's head, calmness dissipating and being replaced with light concern.
“Is the door locked?” the dancer asked, worried about being caught in this position by one of their members.
They don’t think that their members would react negatively to them being together, but knowing how much there was to lose, how much there was for the group to lose, they had agreed to not tell the others about their relationship, at least for the time being.
“No, but I’m too lazy to care”, Dohoon sighed as he lifted his head, giving Jihoon a quick kiss.
He shifted away, moving over to his vanity, collecting the necessary skincare products to prepare for bed.
Jihoon anxiously stared at his feet, deciding now was the best time to suggest a quick date (if you could even call it that).
“Um.. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to do something together tonight? It doesn’t have to be any crazy, maybe just watch a movie or something-”
“Jihoon, I’m sorry, but I’m really tired.” He gave an exhausted smile before the other could finish his sentence. “Let’s do it once the busy season is over, okay?”
“Oh… we can just hang out in here, nothing that would require a ton of energy”.
“I just don’t think there’s enough time, Jihoon-ah. We should sleep early tonight, anyway. We’re busy tomorrow.”
“I know, but wouldn’t it be fine to stay up just this once? It’s only a small sacrifice…”
Jihoon went on explaining why it shouldn’t be an issue to hang out just this once, before he was interrupted by Dohoon.
“Jihoon-ah”, he didn’t raise his voice, but he spoke sternly. “I’m tired, okay? We can’t do anything tonight. Let’s just sleep and figure it out later, okay?”
Jihoon, being the emotional person that he is, felt his eyes water at the words, feeling hurt by the response that wasn't meant to do so.
Dohoon’s eyes slightly softened, moving closer to Jihoon.
“I’m sorry, Jihoon. But we have to prioritize what’s most important right now, okay? We’ll have tons of time to hang out later”.
Dohoon squeezed Jihoon’s shoulder and gave him a kiss on the cheek before he left with a towel to shower.
Jihoon didn’t move from his spot, feeling empty.
It’s not that he didn’t understand Dohoon, not at all. Jihoon was aware that he had more energy than most, which was likely why he would want to hang out even after such a grueling schedule.
It was just that he hated how much of a struggle it was to have both things he wanted at once.
He understands Dohoon, he really does. But it just hurts.
Why can’t their relationship ever be a priority? He loves his job, but he somehow loves Dohoon more, and he hates that he can’t have both of those things at once.
He was probably just being immature, whining over an obvious non-issue. There are bigger problems to deal with, yet here Jihoon was, moping over nothing.
He loves spending his holidays on stage, showcasing his abilities to thousands of people. But a part of him yearns for something quieter, more private. He wishes he could spend his New Year's with Dohoon. Not them on a stage with 4 other people, but just them alone.
-
Six boys sat in a waiting room on New Year's Eve, having finished their performance at the Gayo Daejejeon.
It went incredibly well. Jihoon took a quick look at Twitter once they finished, and they were already trending, with dozens of fans and non-fans praising their performance.
The performance highlighted Kyungmin, who was entering adulthood, and gave everyone a warm feeling in their heart as they expressed the experience of adulthood.
He was glad to see that everyone had picked up on the stage’s message, and even happier that the fans were over the moon over how well it was executed.
The unit performance went amazingly as well, the fans using phrases to describe Dohoon, Youngjae, and Jihoon that he had never even heard before. He was a bit flustered reading comments saying such… mature things about him, but he took it with pride.
Regrettably, aside from the joy of finishing his year strong, he was still a bit sulky from yesterday.
He knows he shouldn’t be, but it’s just in his nature to sulk when he’s upset.
The boy wasn’t exactly moping, more so feeling bummed at what could’ve (and cannot have) been.
He remained troubled by the situation, which created some small, awkward encounters with Dohoon.
Jihoon wasn’t ignoring Dohoon, perse. He just avoided him at all costs, spending his time crying over Kyungmin becoming an adult instead of facing his partner.
The dancer kept his responses to Dohoon’s questions or comments short, hoping that the others wouldn’t notice, given how busy things were.
He didn’t think he was doing a great job, though. Dohoon saw through everything, especially when it involved Jihoon. And the looks he gave the younger spoke volumes about what he did or didn’t notice.
Jihoon was seated in the corner of the room, scrolling on his phone, searching for Weverse posts to reply to.
He wasn’t really looking at the posts anymore, instead scrolling without reading any of the words on his screen.
His mind was elsewhere, which likely was the reason he didn’t hear Dohoon the first few times he called his name.
“Hey”, Dohoon called as he nudged the dancer’s foot with his own, finally causing Jihoon to look up to see his boyfriend, who stood in front of him.
“Hm?” Jihoon asked, keeping his words short.
Dohoon eyed the younger for a second before he spoke. “Come with me”.
Jihoon raised his eyebrow, not moving.
Dohoon sighed before grabbing Jihoon’s free hand, startling the boy.
The touch was warm, a familiar feeling that had begun to feel distant. Jihoon enjoyed every second of the physical contact, even if he wasn’t in the best mood.
Before he could properly react, Jihoon was dragged out of his chair and away from their waiting room.
As they walked through the corridors, Jihoon felt a mixture of uncertainty and fear.
Where were they going? Was he going to break up with Jihoon because of how annoying he’s been?
It was a stupid thought, but better safe than sorry.
Before he could get deeper into his head, they stopped.
Jihoon looked up and noticed they were in an empty, small waiting room, one that was slightly separated from where all the other artists were stationed.
The dancer stood, dumbfounded, feeling a bit out of place.
Dohoon interlocked their fingers and took him over to a counter, the older leaning on it as Jihoon moved to half sit on the table that was next to it.
“So..?” Jihoon questioned, a bit confused as to why they were currently in an abandoned waiting room.
“You know what, dummy”, he said, hints of affection in his voice. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean? Nothing's going on,” Jihoon feigned ignorance, though he was a terrible liar.
“Don’t give me that. Something’s wrong. What’s up? Is it because of yesterday?”
The younger uncomfortably shifted his stance, not wanting to answer such a direct question. He didn’t wanna be made fun of or disappointed (again), so he stayed quiet.
Dohoon sighed before he spoke.
“Jihoon-ah, it’s really busy this time of the year. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna hang out with you. It’s just hard to fit it in with our schedule. I figured it would be easier to spend time together once it was all over, but you don’t think that way, do you?”
Jihoon jerked his head up and down, giving a slight nod.
“You really value time spent together, and I think I’ve been putting my focus more on our wellbeing than anything else. I want us to stay in good condition while receiving positive feedback from the company and the public, you get that right?”
The younger quietly replied, “yeah…”, knowing that Dohoon had a point. He felt his heart deflate, disappointed to realize that his worries were a bit selfish.
“But that doesn’t mean I should have just given up spending time altogether”.
The dancer's eyes widened, tilting his head up.
“I could’ve spared 10 minutes last night, but I didn’t even consider that, just assuming it wouldn’t work out. Every moment with you counts, even if it’s only a few minutes”.
Jihoon blushed at how direct his roommate was being. Yes, they were dating, but the two weren’t the type to spew out lovey-dovey confessions to each other, settling for understanding eachother through teasing and smaller moments.
“I just…” Jihoon began, and he almost broke down right then and there.
Dohoon stared back, eyes full of patience and love. He cared, he truly cared about how he felt, and that meant the world to Jihoon.
“I just wish this could all be easier. I wish we could go on dates whenever we wanted. I wish we could go on dates wherever we want. I wish we could do it all.”
Dohoon moved his hand to rub Jihoon’s arm, a way of consoling him.
“I just wish we could spend a holiday together. And I mean together. Not in front of thousands of people, or in front of a camera. I love my job, but I just wish we could do a normal couple of things sometimes.”
Dohoon nodded in understanding, saying nothing but making it known that the younger wasn’t solitary in his worries, the older’s touch reminding him that he wasn’t alone in this otherwise empty room.
“Hey”, Dohoon spoke after a couple minutes, voice quiet yet filled with an unknown excitement.
“Yeah?”
“Look at the time.”
Dohoon held his phone up, bold numbers reading 11:59pm.
“Looks like we can spend a holiday together”.
Jihoon's eyes brightened as he laughed, a wide grin painting his face as he began to laugh.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
It was then that they could hear distant voices counting down.
“10…9…”
Dohoon’s hands collided with Jihoon’s, interlocking their fingers.
“8…7…”
Jihoon gave a shy smile, Dohoon’s gaze full of love.
“6…5…”
Dohoon began to close the distance between the two, not breaking eye contact.
“4…3…”
Jihoon took one of his hands and brought it to Dohoon’s face, caressing the older’s cheek.
“2…1…”
Dohoon’s lips connected with Jihoon’s in an instant.
They could hear the loud cheers of those in the building, but it felt as if they were the only ones there.
They separate after a few moments, staring at each other as if they held the world in their eyes.
And maybe, they did.
“Happy New Year, Hyung”.
Dohoon smiled.
“Happy New Year, Jihoon-ah”.