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After going up to the Confession Hill with Mikey, Donnie spent the better part of the week fixing up his headset. He worked with Draxum to figure out how to block the mystic effects of the hill. He was not ready to spill his guts again. Especially not with Leo
Truth was, Donnie had a lot of emotions when it came to his ‘self-proclaimed older twin’. It wasn’t that he hated Leo. Quite the opposite actually. He loved his twin brother to pieces…more then he would ever admit out loud
But the day that Leo sacrificed himself to save the world left a lot of unwanted emotions and feelings that Donnie left buried deep in his heart
And today was not going to be the day for them to get reveleded
After Donnie made the finishing touches on his headset and put it on, he took a deep breath and ventured out of his lab to find Leo
Leo was over the moon excited when Donnie came up to him a week after him and Mikey went up to the Confession Hill. Donnie said that since Leo was the only brother that he haven’t talked to yet, he figured now was as good time as any
Leo was feeling much better after his short sickness spell, so he asked if Donnie wanted him to make a portal or for them to walk there. Donnie said for Leo to make a portal, to which he did
The twins stepped out of the portal, arriving at the Confession Hill, with Leo having a bit of pep in his step as he turned to Donnie with a wide grin on his face
“You’re excited?” Leo asked, using a peppy tone
Donnie just rolled his eyes, not fully understanding why Leo was getting all excited about spilling their hearts out. “By ‘excited’ do you mean ‘exhuasted’, then yes” Donnie answered in his usual monotone tone voice
Leo’s mood quickly shifted from peppy to a bit more somber “Yeah, I’m not really excited either. I was ready for Mikey’s talk, but I don’t think I am for you…”
Donnie should have been offended by this, but he honestly wasn’t because he felt the same way
“…and I definitely wasn’t ready for Raph’s, seeing as he wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place” Leo finished
“He told me that you were the one to find this place” Donnie remarked
“Yeah it was me. I’ve been coming here before these family talks were a thing”
They were now right in the front of the tree and Donnie figured now was as good time as ever to tell Leo about his findings. “Well, now that we’re both here, I can talk to you about how Mikey was actually right about this place”
“What do you mean?” Leo asked as he gave his younger twin a questioning look
“This place is mystic” Donnie answered, sounding very straightforward
This took Leo by surprise. “Woah, wait, it is?”
Donnie nodded his head “Yep, would make sense too. When Raph brought up what you said during our one-on-one, about you talking about the possibility of some sort of mystic influence, and both him and Mikey explaining how they felt more vulnerable than usual, I decided that I would do some digging. So Draxum and I did some research, and it turns out that this place is right under an area called The West Siren Sea in the Hidden City”
And this is where Donnie started his infodumping, though it seemed like Leo was actual curious this time as he was giving Donnie his full attention. Donnie figured for this explanation, he better sit down, which he did “The ocean itself manipulates the pirates that sail through them, exposing them to their true emotions and feelings, and causing the crew to reevaluate their decisions”
Leo was honestly impressed and fantasied by this as he came to sit beside Donnie “Huh, go figure” Then Leo begin looking at the tree and a thought occurred to him that slightly concerned him “Do we have to, like, go check it out and try to stop it from spreading above ground?”
Donnie thought about it for a second before shaking his head “I don’t think that is necessary. It’s just some naturally tame mystic energy affecting a small hill outside of New York. Not many people come up here, and if they do then it’s not going to harm in any way. At least that’s what Draxum says” Donnie then gave Leo’s shoulder a small nudge as a sign of reassurance “You don’t have to worry about your special hill being tarnished”
Leo seemed to let out a small sigh of relief “That’s good” Then he nudged Donnie’s shoulder back “And hey, look at you and Draxum getting along. It was about time”
Donnie gave Leo a deadpanned look, though there a hint of confusion underneath “Leo, we’ve been working on experiments for months now. How have you not realized this?”
This was certainly news to Leo as he gave Donnie a look of confusion “You have?”
“Yes?” Donnie answered hesitantly. “I even started calling him…” Donnie then realized that he might be oversharing “N-nevermind”
Donnie’s hesitation was enough for Leo to noticed as gave Donnie a sly smirk “Wait, hold on! What have you been calling him, Donnie?”
Donnie knew that look and he certainly wasn’t going to fall for it, knowing that Leo would make fun of him for it “Never mind! I didn’t say anything! I didn’t even open my mouth!”
Unfortunately, Donnie’s twin brother was nothing if not persistant and annoying. Lovable annoying of course…but still annoying. Whenever Leo saw his opportunity to tease or make fun of Donnie, he took it. Now was no different as Leo called his name in a sing-song voice that Donnie did not like
Donnie realized his mistake in that he forgot to press the button on his headset to block out the mystic effects of the hill. He quickly did so, hoping that Leo wouldn’t notice
Donnie then turned back to Leo and knew that Leo would just keep persisting until he told him. With a heavy sigh, Donnie mumbled “I’ve been calling him…Papa #2”
And just as Donnie suspected, Leo was all over it as he cooed “Aww, that’s adorable! I’m happy you two little psychopaths are getting along”
Donnie just rolled his eyes, though it didn’t held much heat “Yeah, I guess so. It makes Mikey happy to see both of us talking about our interests” Donnie then pointed a finger at Leo and fixed him with a stern face “You need to hurry up and forgive Draxum like the rest of us, Leo”
Leo shook his head “Sorry, but that’s not going to be happening any time soon”
Donnie gave Leo an unimpressed look “Are you seriously that petty?”
“He threw me off…” “Yes, Leo, he threw you off a roof, we remember. I personally found it hilarious, as a matter of fact” Donnie was honestly tired of Leo talking about it. Yes, while in the moment, it was scary. But, looking back in hindsight, it was actually funny. At least to Donnie
Leo didn’t find it funny as he gave Donnie a glare “Oh, shut up!”
The twins found themselves sitting in silence for a bit. It would have been awkward if Leo didn’t speak up “So, what’s been going on with you?”
Small talk. Donnie could deal with that. He shrugged his shoulders “Same old”
Leo realized that Donnie was probably not in the mood to talk, so he was probably going to have to get Donnie started “Any new inventions? Blueprints?”
Donnie thought for a minute before answering, “I’ve been working on better escape pods, and I’ve been talking with Draxum about creating another batch of mystic weapons for us, ones that’ll still work even when our ninpo is deactivated” Donnie then snapped his fingers as he remembered something “Oh that reminds me…I need to study your and Mikey’s ninpo to figure out how to make artificial portals”
Leo was honestly surprised at how much Donnie was doing “Wow, you uh…you got a lot on your plate, huh?”
Donnie shrugged his shoulders “It helps me not think when I have a lot on my plate”
“Not think about what?” Leo asked, curious
Donnie waved him off “Nothing important”
Leo hummed to himself and Donnie wondered what Leo was thinking about. However, Leo seemed to bring himself back as he asked, “So, uh, how are we doing this?”
Donnie knew what Leo was talking about. Donnie knew that he couldn’t go first. Besides, he was really curious on how Leo was feeling after everything. “You should start. Whatever you have to say or ask, tell me” Donnie answered softly, ready to listen to whatever Leo had to say or ask him
Leo faltered “I really don’t have anything to…”
Donnie placed his hand on Leo’s shoulder “Don’t lie Nardo. We both know this hill will make you say it whether you want to or not”
Leo exhaled shakily as placed his hand over Donnie’s for a second, giving it a squeeze, before Donnie dropped it. Leo fixed his eyes on Donnie, wondering on what he should ask.
Then: “What…what happened to your shell?”
Donnie knew this was going to come up sooner or later. Curse his big brothers for being so worried about his shell. Guess it just came with the role of being his big brothers he supposed
“You and Raph with the shell questions, jeez” Donnie muttered
Leo knew that Donnie didn’t like talking about his shell. But he really needed to know. “I-I know it happened when we were on the ship, but…I never knew what caused it”
Donnie stared to shift uncomfortable, slightly turning himself away from Leo. Like he didn’t want to have this conversation. Heck, he didn’t even want to think about it
However, he felt Leo’s hand land on top of his gently, squeezing it ever so lightly, and Donnie knew that he wouldn’t turn away from his twin brother. “You said you already told Raph. Then it shouldn’t be a big deal to me, right? I mean…I’m your twin Donnie”
Gosh darn Leo for using the twin card on him like that
Donnie sighed heavily “You basically answered your own question”
When Donnie saw Leo’s confused look, he elaborated “The ship”
Leo seemed to think about Donnie’s answer for a bit, before the realization hit him “Did…did hacking the ship…?”
Donnie slowly nodded his head “Unfortunately, flying an alien ship was not the greatest thing to ever happen to me”
Leo studied Donnie’s face for a moment before squeezing his hand again, this time a bit tighter than the last time “…What happened?” Leo asked in a fragile voice
Donnie shook his head “I rather not. I just don’t think it’s important”
Leo fixed him a look “…But this hill is gonna make you say it anyways, remember?”
Donnie knew that he was caught in a trap here. He could just play along and tell Leo the truth anyway. Or he could just keep deflecting and hope that Leo would move on. However Donnie knew his twin brother and he knew that someway, somehow Leo was going to get the truth out of him
With a heavy sigh, Donnie answered honestly “Alright. In order to control the ship, you have to…go inside of it. So, I told Mikey to take off my battle shell and…I think you can guess the rest”
Leo could guess the rest…and he didn’t like it. Not one bit. Now, Leo was wondering if maybe he was the one at fault for what happened to Donnie’s shell, since he was the one to tell Donnie to take control of the ship in the first place
Leo asked this with a slight hitch in his breath and Donnie could see the self-blame forming in Leo’s mind. He knew that he needed to stop it before it got too far. Donnie placed both of his hands on Leo’s shoulder as he emphasized “You didn’t do anything. I knew what I was getting into when I did it”
Leo just shook his head, not really believing Donnie’s words “But I’m the one that told you to…” “You told me…” Donnie interrupted “…to help you save New York by taking the Technodrome through the portal, and that’s what I stuck to. I took the plunge and maneuvered the ship. Like I told Raph, whatever happened to me and my shell had nothing to do with you guys. Not Raph, not Mikey, and especially not you. And I would appreciate it if all of you guys got that through your thick skulls and stop guilt-tripping yourselves” Donnie then cupped Leo’s cheek “Especially you Nardo”
Leo seemed to be processing all that Donnie told him, and Donnie let him, knowing that his twin brother probably just needed a minute
Leo then leaned slightly forward to press his forehead against Donnie’s, his eyes closed. Donnie was surprised by this, but let it happened, knowing that Leo sometimes needed physical contact as a means of comfort.
When Leo opened his eyes, he locked them onto Donnie’s. Donnie could see that while Leo was not crying, his eyes were looking a bit glassy. “You’re okay” Leo mumbled, his voice coming out small, like any louder means that he would break and start crying. Donnie smiled a soft smile “I’m okay Nardo”
Leo took a deep breath as a small sniffle escaped before he backed a little bit from Donnie, but keep one of his hands interlocked with Donnie’s. “When we got separated, and that train monster attacked you…you were okay then too”
Donnie realized that maybe Leo was saying all of this to reassure himself that Donnie was still there.
Well, Donnie was willing to help his twin brother out whoever he could.
Donnie nodded his head as he replied “Yes, it only got to my battle shell. I was fine, and so was Mikey”
Donnie then noticed how Leo’s hand was slightly shaking in his as Leo mumbled with a shaky voice “And when the…when the K-“ Donnie was not about to let Leo finish that sentence as he squeezed the hand in his “…And when the Krang knocked us back, we were slightly dazed, but Raph caught us. Everything was fine, Leo. We were fine”
That seem to satisfied Leo for the time being, a small sigh of relief escaping him as he stopped shaking and let out a small “Okay”
“Perfect” Donnie said, slipping his hand out of Leo’s and ready to head back home, glad that this emotions talk was over “Now that that’s taken care of, I would like to go back and finish my projects and…”
However, Donnie didn’t get to finish as Leo grabbed his wrist “Wait wait wait, Donnie, we’re not done yet!” Leo exclaimed
Donnie looked at him confused “We’re not?”
“Did you really think that’s all that I wanted to talk about? A-and what about you? I know you have things that you want to say to me”
Donnie did, but he didn’t feel like bringing them about. Probably not ever. So he just played it off “I’ll survive”
Leo, however, wasn’t taking no for an answer as he continued to stare at his twin in confusion, wondering why Donnie didn’t want to talk to him. He began to look around the hill and think that something was off “Why isn’t this working?” he asked, mainly to himself but Donnie heard it all the same
Donnie raised his drawn-on eyebrow “What’s not working?”
“The hill” Leo answered “It’s not affecting you”
Donnie then began to panic as he realized that Leo was on to him “Y-yes it is, it’s just…slow?” Donnie tried to put on his lying face, but it didn’t seem to work as Leo seemed to figuring out the pieces of the puzzle “No, not that’s not how this hill works. Even if I wasn’t sure about its mystic effects, I knew how long it usually takes for someone to open up. For someone like me, who’s been here longer than the rest of you, my body is used to this place, so it takes a while for the effects to really hit me. But you guys have only been here a couple of times. You should be…unless…”
Leo stared at Donnie with wide eyes and he realized the truth for what it was. The fear that he quietly was admitting to himself, but did not want it to be true
“You actually don’t want to be here with me” Leo said, so softly, and yet so small that it left a weird feeling inside of Donnie’s heart. He didn’t like seeing Leo upset, and he knew that he had to think of something quick
However, he couldn’t, which gave Leo permission to continue, his face looking so upset/sad and disappointed “Do you really not have anything to say to me? Are you that uninterested?”
Alright, now this was getting out of hand and not at all what Donnie had planned. “Okay, no. You are completely changing what I was trying to do”
That was the wrong thing to say as Leo was now giving him a glare “Trying to do…? What do you…” It then hit Leo as he finally figured out most of the pieces of the puzzle. Donnie did something to this hill and Leo was not happy about it to say the least “Donnie, what did you do?” he asked in a hurt voice
Donnie realized that he had been caught, but he still try to put on his lying face as he rubbed his neck “Nnnothing” he stammered out
“Donnie!” Leo yelled at him in frustration
Donnie grunted in frustration as he took off his headset, staring at it like it wronged him “What was the point of me making this thing if my bad lying was going to get me caught?” Donnie sighed heavily as he turned his attention back to Leo, trying very hard to ignore the hurt look on his twin brother’s face “Yes, alright. I made a small device that would nullify the effect of the hill. Because I don’t know about you guys, but I am very much not a fan of being emotionally manipulated by some non-scientific nonsense”
Leo’s face still showed hurt, but now there some anger in there too. One that Donnie rarely saw on Leo. And almost never directly aimed at him. “Are you serious…? Is that what you pressed on your headset a while ago?”
Donnie placed his hands up, trying to seem innocent as he moved towards Leo “Look, I…” But Leo was having none of it as he moved away from Donnie, pointing an accusing finger at him “You took time to make something just so you wouldn’t have to talk to me?”
Ok, well when Leo put it like that…it did sound bad
And when Donnie admitted that, Leo got even more upset, his voice hitching, like he was on the verge of tears again “I can’t freaking believe you…!”
Donnie hated when his twin acted like this, as it made him feel bad. And Donnie didn’t want to feel bad. He didn’t want to feel all of those nasty emotions. “Oh, please, don’t act like that. You know all of this sappy crap isn’t for me. The only reason why it happened with the others is because I wasn’t aware of the mystic effects”
“And you think I did!?!” Leo exclaimed, seeming to get even more upset, but still not letting his tears fall. Not yet “I didn’t even want any of you guys finding out about this place. Trust me when I say that talking to you guys about how messed up I am was never on my to-do list”
“Exactly” Donnie said, trying to tread the waters lightly, knowing that Leo was partially agreeing with him “Which is why I’m helping the both of us by not participating”
Leo realized that Donnie was not simply understanding as he shook his head “No, Donnie. This hill didn’t make me bring you here, that’s the problem. I wanted you here. I brought you here to have a genuine talk because, even if I don’t like it, it’s helping us as a family. It’s finally getting us to talk about our issues”
Donnie was still not understanding why Leo was getting so upset about this “Yeah, well I answered what you asked, didn’t I? That should be the end of it”
“How am I supposed to know if any of that was true?” Leo continued, getting frustrated the longer that Donnie was not understanding “I think you’ve proved that trusting you means absolutely nothing”
Now Donnie was getting visibly frustrated with Leo as he groaned dramatically “Gosh, stop being so dramatic, Leo! It’s not that serious!”
That statement hit Leo hard as he taken aback by it. How dare Donnie think that any of this was not serious? Did his twin simply just not care?
“…It is to me” Leo answered, his small voice returning as he lost some of his anger “It was to Raph, and it was to Mikey. Do you seriously not care about any of this? Do you not care about what happened, what we went through?” Leo’s voice rose slightly as a bit of anger came back “You weren’t the only person struggling, Donnie. Everyone got hurt and we’re trying to heal. We’re trying to make things better, and make sure that everyone’s okay. Including you!”
Donnie stood there in silence, not really knowing what to say
Leo then raised his hands, his way of showing that he had given up. “Whatever…whatever, I don’t care” Leo mumbled, his voice cracking in a way that showed that maybe he did cared a little “Just like how you don’t care about my feelings, I won’t care about yours”
In an instant, Leo opened the portal to Donnie’s lab. Leo pointed to it dramatically, his voice continuing to cracked “There. Go ahead”
Donnie looked between the portal and Leo, realizing his mistake but not knowing what exactly to do. He tried to reached out for his twin, but Leo wouldn’t let him, turning away with his eyes closed as he pointed at the portal “Just go! There’s no need for you to pretend anymore. So you and that crappy device can go back to being holed up in your lab or whatever”
Donnie tried reaching out again, but knew that it would only make things worst. With a heavy sigh, he walked through the portal, before it closed on up behind him
Leo opened his wet eyes to see that Donnie was gone. It should have made him feel good, because he got what he wanted. But honestly, it didn’t. It left Leo feeling upset and empty
For the first time, he let his tears fall as he wondered why Donnie would do that to him. He didn’t understand why his twin would do something like this. Build something like that.
Then Leo thought back to what happened to Donnie on the Technodrome. How badly his shell got messed up. How many times Donnie came so close to dying.
All of these thoughts just made Leo finally let the dam free as his tears felled. His cries were quiet as he wasn’t usually a loud sobber. He hated the hill for making him feel bad about Donnie. His twin didn’t deserve it right now. No matter how much Leo really wanted his presence. How much he wanted to tell Donnie that he loved him and loved having him as a twin, even if Donnie didn’t really believe it
Leo wasn’t sure how long he stood there crying. Seconds…maybe minutes. However long it was, his little crying fest was interrupted by his phone ringing. He pulled it out of his hoodie pocket to reveal that it was Donnie calling him.
Leo was in no mood to talk to him right now, so he just clicked ‘decline’ as he put the phone back in his hoodie pocket and tried to wipe away his tears
Seconds later, his phone rang again and it was once again Donnie, which made Leo a little frustrated…because what the heck could his twin want?
This time, Leo answered with an annoying “Leave me alone”
‘Leo open a portal’
“For what?” Leo asked
‘I want to talk, for real this time’
Leo didn’t want to talk to Donnie anymore and he was about to hang up when Donnie stopped him ‘Wait Leo…Okay, I get it, really! I…I made a mistake’
If Donnie really thought that, then he wouldn’t have walked through the portal. Leo was about to tell him that, but Donnie said that the only reason that he left was so that he could put up the nullification device. He even took off his headset/goggles and his battle shell, showing how serious he was
When Donnie didn’t hear anything from Leo, he tried pleading with him in a sincere voice. ‘Please Leo. I…I’m really, really sorry. And that’s two really’s’
As much as Leo didn’t want to, his younger twin did sound sincere and probably meant to
With a heavy sigh, Leo opened a portal to Donnie’s lab, with Donnie walking through within seconds, thanking Leo. Leo, however, had his arms crossed and wasn’t looking at Donnie, hurt and anger still written all over his face, even when Donnie tried once again to apologize
“Come on, I apologized! Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do in these situations?” Donnie exclaimed, not understanding why Leo was still upset. He had never been good in these types of emotional situations, especially when he was the one that needed to apologize
Leo finally looked at him. His tears were gone, but his face had the remains of tear tracks and his eyes held nothing but hurt and disappointment. “You took the time to think about making a device just so you wouldn’t have to talk to me” Leo began softly and slowly, the thoughts making his head and heart hurt “…then you took the time to think about how to make it, then to where to get the materials, then you got those materials and actually made it and brought it with you, then you turned it on in front of me”
And that was the part that probably hurt Leo the most. Not the fact that Donnie actually made it, but the fact that he turned it on in front of him, making it obvious that Donnie didn’t want to talk to him
Leo looked at Donnie with shimmering, hurt eyes and asked lowly “Are you really sorry, or are you just upset that you got caught?”
Donnie…didn’t really have the words. He didn’t really know how to answer. Maybe a bit of both? He couldn’t honestly say. The sight of seeing Leo upset was putting his brain on pause
The silence was enough for Leo. “I just…I can’t believe you. You promised that you would be more open with us. That you’d be more open with me. Are promises just not a file in that genius brain you have?”
Donnie was offended by Leo’s statement as he exclaimed, “T-That’s not fair. No one’s been fulling that promise, ruling me out is unjust”
“You made a device…” Leo tried to argue, but Donnie interrupted him “If you knew how, you would’ve done the same thing, don’t try to deny it”
“You’re right” Leo admitted “I probably would have…in the past! I’m clearly trying to make an effort here”
Donnie just scoffed as he rolled his eyes “Oh puh-lease! This is the only time you’ve ever brought someone here on your own volition. Everyone else had to drag you here”
And wasn’t that proving Leo’s point? “Exactly!” Leo exclaimed “I put in the effort to bring you here and you obviously couldn’t give less of a crap”
Donnie realized that yelling at each other wasn’t getting them very far. Especially when they were just arguing nonsense. Donnie took a deep breath as he tried to back off a bit “Look, I swear I didn’t mean anything behind it…”
But it just felled on deaf ears as Leo was getting frustrated again and cut Donnie off “Oh great, more promises” the red-eared slider said sarcastically “I thought we already went over the fact that you can’t keep a promise to save your life”
‘Ok, that is absolute BS’ Donnie thought to himself as Leo had no right to say that when Leo can’t even keep his own promises. “Neither can you!” Donnie exclaimed, pointing the accusing finger at Leo “I can name so many different times where you promised something, and it was a bunch of nothing.”
Leo rolled his eyes “Yeah right!”
Well, guess Donnie was going to have to remind Leo then
“The time you promised that you didn’t put beach balls in my lab to scare me?”
“That was a prank! You also…”
“The time you promised to bring food for everyone when you didn’t” Donnie interrupted, knowing that he was full of steam and wouldn’t stop until Leo saw reason
“I couldn’t…” Leo tried to get his words out but Donnie just kept on going “The time you promised you would be a better leader after your 4th argument with Raph. Or how about the 5th and 6th argument? Or the 8th? Or the 11th? Or the gosh darn 19th?”
Leo thought that maybe Donnie was laying it on a bit too thick. Even though him and Raph were on better terms, that brief time where they argued a lot still left a sour taste in his mouth. And he especially didn’t like it when it was being thrown back in his face. Like right now. “I get it, Don, geez…”
However, Donnie wasn’t done. Far from it
“What about the time you promised Mikey you never let any of us get hurt, only for you to do it again and again?!”
Leo was now pointing the finger back at Donnie, because that was totally not fair. Donnie had no right to accuse him of something like that “You…you know I would never hurt you guys on purpose!” Leo argued, hurt by the accusation.
“Then why do you keep doing it like it’s a routine?!” Donnie was trying his best to not get really upset about this, but it was hard not to. He was trying to keep his emotions at bay, because he really needed Leo to understand this “If you weren’t messing up a mission and causing all of us to get hurt, then you were finding a way to hurt yourself!”
Leo could see how upset Donnie was. He didn’t realize how much his actions was affecting his family. And he realized then how badly he screwed up. “I…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to get you all hurt” Leo apologized
Donnie would have been satisfied by the apology, if not for a key detail that Leo left out
“And what about you? What about all the times you got yourself hurt?”
‘Eugh boy’ Leo thought to himself. He didn’t realize how much Donnie pay attention to that. Leo admitted to Donnie that a lot of those instances were never on purpose.
However, Donnie didn’t seem convinced. He didn’t really believe Leo, especially when he thought about Leo’s self-sacrifice stunt that he pulled during the invasion. That…at least to Donnie seemed very intentional
Leo knew that was going to come up eventually, but he just didn’t expect to have it with his twin of all people. “Don, I had to do it” Leo tried to defend himself, but Donnie wasn’t having it. “I don’t care” he said, his voice slightly cracking
Leo just couldn’t believe his twin at the moment. “Wha-Donnie, you’re being childish! The world was ending, what did you expect me to do? Just give up and watch everything and everyone I care about turn to dust? That stunt saved everyone”
‘Yeah and how about the fact that my whole world shattered when you went through that portal? How about watching the one person who I love most in the world simply vanish and nearly die in front of my eyes’ Donnie thought all of this to himself. He could have said all of this to Leo, let Leo truly see how much Leo meant to him
Instead, he let his anger, sadness, and frustration take hold as he looked at Leo with tears pooling at the back of his eyes. “I don’t care! I don’t care! I don’t care!” Donnie exclaimed, his voice slightly breaking, due to all of the emotions inside of him “You broke your promise! You keep talking about how I broke my promise, but you never kept yours!”
Leo would normally tried to comfort Donnie in this moment, seeing how upset he was. Instead, Leo was just mostly confused as he had no idea what promise was Donnie was talking about
“You know how much that promise meant to me, but you’re always breaking it!” Donnie continued on, not paying attention to Leo’s confusion as he finally let loose all of the thoughts and feelings that he have been holding in since the invasion “You do it like it doesn’t matter to you at all! Like I didn’t matter to you…like everything you said was just a bunch of BS pretend that I was stupid enough to fall for because GOD FORBID your brother ACTUALLY cared!”
Ok, now Leo was really confused. What the heck was Donnie even talking about? I mean, it was honestly important enough to Donnie for him to be so upset by it…but Leo, for the life of him could not figure out what it was.
“Donnie, what promise are you even talking about!?!”
“The promise on the roof! The roof! Remember the freaking roof, Leonardo!” Donnie exclaimed, fully upset that his twin brother wasn’t remember the most important promise in Donnie’s life. The one that mattered to him more then anything
But, unfortunately, Leo was still clueless, and Donnie wasn’t going to sit around and wait for Leo to remember
So…he told him:
“I was done with myself that day!” Donnie began, on the verge of tears as he thought back to that day. Thankfully, Leo didn’t interrupt him “Nothing was working out for me, and it felt like nothing I made was good enough! I sat on that roof for hours, doing nothing but crying and breaking my own tech!”
Donnie had to take a deep breath and brushed away a stray tear that felled, sniffling as he did so. Leo made no move to try and run to Donnie. He just stood there with a worried, but soft expression on his face as he listened to Donnie. It seemed like the events of the roof were coming back to him the more that Donnie talked
“Then you showed up out of nowhere” Donnie continued, pointing a shaky finger at Leo, but it was more so done so that Donnie could do something with his hands. Even to this day, Donnie didn’t really understand how Leo knew he was there, but a small part of him was glad that he did “You sat down with me and cracked all of those dumb jokes before finally realizing that the situation was serious. You asked me what was wrong and I said that…I-“
Donnie didn’t get to finish as Leo finished for him, seeing just how truly upset that Donnie was and fully remembering what happened that day. “You said that you served no purpose. You said you weren’t useful to us and that life would be easier if you weren’t around” Leo said in his soft, sad voice.
He remembered Donnie saying that and it felt like a punch to the heart as he realized just how broken his younger twin was. How Donnie thought he wasn’t useful and that things would be better if Donnie wasn’t around, or maybe didn’t even exist. That Donnie was some burden
To Leo, that couldn’t be further from the truth as Donnie was everything to Leo. Not having his younger twin around would just make life meaningless. Leo wasn’t sure if he could survive without Donnie. Remembering that day left an ugly feeling swirling around in Leo’s stomach
“…And do you know what you told me?” Donnie whispered, afraid that if he spoke any louder that his voice would crack and the tears that he had been holding in will spill out
“I…I don’t-“ Leo stammered, not really knowing what he should say as he did sorta remember, but the memory was a little unclear
Donnie, however, did. And Leo’s words were something that he kept close to his heart
“You told me that I meant so much to this family. You told me that no matter what I make, and no matter what I do, that I’ll always be your…perfect little twin brother” Donnie’s breath hitched as gosh darn it, the tears were threatening to spill. But Donnie wouldn’t let them. Not yet
“And do you know what else you told me, Nardo?” Donnie asked softly
Leo, too stunned by all the emotions expressed by his younger twin, just slowly shook his head. He just stood there in silence, giving Donnie the space that he needed to express his feelings. Even if Leo wanted to run up to Donnie and hug him so badly. Even if Leo wanted to cry along with his younger twin because he too could feel his own tears threatening to spill
Leo could see, however, how badly Donnie was shaking. He inched up slowly to his younger twin and took Donnie’s hands in his, hoping that maybe it would bring some comfort for the both of them.
Donnie locked eyes briefly with Leo, his lips trembling, before casting down his vision to their interlocked hands, where Leo was rubbing soft, small circles along the back of Donnie’s hand. His breath hitched as his voice trembled, “You told me…that you would always be with me”
And oh boy, did that sting for Leo because Donnie was right. He had broken his promise. Maybe not intentional, but he still did it.
And now, seeing Donnie, his own twin, look at him with so much hurt and pain in his eyes, it left Leo feeling sick. Like he knew it was his fault that Donnie was looking at him like that
Then Donnie let go of one of his hands to poke his finger into Leo’s plastron, his eyes now blazing and holding a glassy sheen “You promised…and then you left. You left and you broke that promise you made. The moment that ship exploded, I felt something…snap from inside me” Donnie emphasized this by taking his other hand and putting it over his heart “It felt like a part of me was ripped out. And it stayed like that. It stayed like that for the 4 minutes and 15 seconds you were through that portal, the 3 minutes and 5 seconds it took to get back to our broken home, the 4 days it took for you to properly wake up, and the 3 times your FREAKING HEART STOPPED WHILE UNCONSCIOUS!!!”
Leo was taken aback. Not just by Donnie’s broken voice, but what Donnie said
He…he died? Three times!?!
This was certainly news to Leo as no one had ever told him this. And to hear it from his baby twin of all people, well it just made it seem so much worst
Leo took a step back in shock, but Donnie was quick as he grabbed onto Leo’s wrist, not wanted his twin brother to slip away from him. He wasn’t going to let Leo slip away from him ever again
“Promise me!” Donnie demanded as he kept a tight grip on Leo’s wrist and his voice cracked further “Promise me that you’ll never do something like that ever again. Promise me that I’ll never have to count your deaths again!!!”
Leo was now giving Donnie a sad look. Not just because of how upset Donnie was, but because it was a promise that Leo just could not make, no matter how badly he wanted to and no matter how much Donnie was persisting that he should, insisting that this was not something to joke about
“I can’t promise something like that Don”
“Yes you can!”
“No I can’t!”
“Why not?!?”
“Because then I’d be lying!” Leo exclaimed, before taking a deep breath “And we both know that this hill won’t let that happened”
Leo could see the moment that the realization hit Donnie as he closed his mouth, though his lips still trembled and he was shaking. Leo, once again, took Donnie’s hands in his and squeezed them gently, rubbing soft, small circles along Donnie’s knuckles. He knew what he was about to say next would hurt Donnie, but he needed to say it.
That didn’t make it any easier for Leo as his voice came out shaky. “I want to tell you that I won’t. I want to promise you so badly that I’ll never try to pull another sacrificial stunt like that again. But I know. I know that if I ever had to make that choice again…if I ever had to give up my life to save this world, to save my family…”
Leo’s breath hitched as he reached up to cup his younger twin’s face, rubbing circles along Donnie’s cheeks. His touch was so warm, delicate, and soft. Living proof that Donnie’s twin was right here in front of him. The softshell didn’t realize the tear that felled down his face until Leo’s brushed it away
“…if I ever had to give up my life to save you, Dee…I-I’d do it in a heartbeat”
Just as Leo expected, Donnie did not like it. Not even in the slightest as he also cupped Leo’s face, squeezing his cheeks as a sort of desperation move to try and get his twin to rethink…to reconsider his words
“Take that back” Donnie whispered in desperation, begging and pleading with Leo to take his words back. However, Leo just looked at Donnie with sadness and resignation as he continued to rub circles along Donnie’s cheeks
Donnie hated the look that his twin was giving him. Hated the gentle and soothing touch of his twin’s thumbs on his cheeks. Hated that Leo thought his life was not valuable enough to live. That if it came down to it, Leo would rather die just so that they could live
It broke Donnie’s heart in two as he gripped Leo’s cheeks tightly and gritted out through his teeth “Leo…take that back”
Still the same look in Leo’s eyes, not budging and not taking his words back
“TAKE IT BACK!” Donnie exclaimed, his voice cracking as a few tears slipped through
Leo let a few of his own slipped as he continue to wipe away his twin’s tears. He hated that he was making Donnie so upset. He hated that he was hurting him. But, Donnie needed to hear this. Leo just could not lie to Donnie. Not to his baby twin of all people. Because honestly, Leo loved Donnie more then anything else in the world
“I’m sorry” Leo apologized, knowing that it was probably futile, his voice breaking “I’m so sorry, Donnie, because I know that hurts you. I know it hurts to hear that. But I can’t lie to you about things like this because I love you too much. And it’ll hurt even more when it happens again”
Donnie realized that nothing he could say or do could change Leo’s mind. And what was worst, there was nothing that Donnie could say or do that could stop Leo from doing it again in the future. The fact that Donnie worked so hard to keep his twin alive, only for the possibility of losing his twin all over again
That final statement from Leo is what fully broke Donnie as he took his hands off of Leo and took a step back from his twin, the emotions of all that he said and what Leo told him hitting him full force
Donnie tried to talk but his sobs took over and he broke down and cried. Donnie didn’t think he ever cried this hard in a long time. The closest was probably the several times that he thought Leo had died
Leo’s heart broke in two when he saw his little twin crying like that. His heart pinged with sadness and guilt as he closed the gap again between him and Donnie. “Oh Don…baby” Leo spoke softly and sadly as he lifted Donnie’s chin with one hand and cupped his cheek with the other
Donnie looked up at his older twin and a sob left him as he tried one more time “T-Take it back Nardo. Please”
Leo couldn’t stand it anymore and pulled his baby twin into a tight hug. Donnie was wearing his hoodie, but Leo was still extra careful with his shell as he wrapped his arms around Donnie, squeezing him tightly and whispering through his tears “I know. I know, I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Donnie baby”
Donnie, in return, hugged Leo back just as tightly as the gentle pressure by Leo felt so good. But, it was not enough to give him any relief as he buried his face into Leo’s shoulder, right around the crook of his neck, and just sobbed. Despite shaking so badly, Leo held him lovingly, rubbing his shell through Donnie’s hoodie and cupping the back of Donnie’s head…like Donnie was the most precious thing in the world
All it did was just make Donnie sob harder as he felt like he didn’t deserve this much love and care from Leo
“It’s not fair” Donnie mumbled out through his sobs
Leo held him tighter and continued his loving strokes “I know it’s not”
Donnie’s voice hitched as he whispered “Why did it have to be us?” Donnie then briefly turned his teary-red eyes to Leo as his lips trembled “Why did it have to be you? Why can’t I have you? Why…Why does the universe keep taking you away from me!?!”
Leo found that he really didn’t have an answer for that. He instead just held Donnie closer, continuing to lovingly rub his hand along Donnie’s shell as he whispered softly, “I’m sorry”
Donnie just leaned further into Leo’s hold as his sobs didn’t let up, continuing to cry into Leo’s shoulder.
“I hate this” he cried. He hated that he was crying. He hated that his family had to go through so much trauma. He hated that he almost lost his twin so many times. He hated that he could end up losing his again anyway. Donnie…Donnie just hated all of it
Well, except for Leo’s loving and warm arms wrapping around him in the gentle hold and the gentle strokes on his shell that made him want to purr, though he refrained from doing so
“I know baby” Leo whispered softly, and gosh dang it…how dare Leo called him ‘baby’ in that sweet, loving, brotherly tone that made Donnie melt. That torn down all his defenses and made Donnie want to hide in Leo’s arms forever. To just be held by the one person who made him feel safe
Then Leo asked in a low voice: “Dee…do you hate me?”
That made Donnie do a double take. His breath hitched as he looked at Leo, tears falling down both of their faces. Donnie reached out with a shaky hand to cup Leo’s face, stroking one of his red stripes. What did Donnie do to make Leo even think that? He knew he wasn’t very kind to him earlier and he knew the big mistakes he made…but still. None of that changed the fact that Donnie loved Leo. Loved him more than anything
“Nardo…no. That could be further from the truth. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. Not even after everything. You are my brother and I…I-“
Donnie found that he couldn’t finish but it seemed like he didn’t need to as Leo gave him a soft, loving smile as he wipe away Donnie’s tears. “It’s ok Tello. You don’t have to say it. I already know” Leo then reached down to press a soft, tender kiss on the top of Donnie’s forehead “And just for the record, I love you too. More than anything”
That got Donnie started back up again as more tears came down and he buried his face into Leo’s shoulder again, nuzzling his snout there. His cries, once soften, had now increased as Donnie continued to sob
Leo continued to hold Donnie close as he went back to rubbing Donnie’s shell and cupping the back of his head. Ever so slightly, he even began to rock back and forth in a soothing motion. Leo wiped away a few of his tear as he leaned down to whisper softly in Donnie’s ear “Take your time Dee. I’m right here. I got you”
Leo’s soft and sweet words just increased Donnie’s cries as he tried to get them under control. Gosh darn his twin for being so sweet and loving with him. For saying those words that just made him cry harder. “Gosh damn it Nardo” Donnie mumbled, though his words didn’t hold much heat as even a small, sad chirp escaped Donnie’s mouth
The twins stayed like that for a while before Leo spoke up again, his own tears not even subsiding as Donnie’s cries were making him cry “I…I felt it too, you know” Leo’s breath hitching and cracking as he spoke, his sniffles mixing in right with Donnie’s “That feeling…that snap, I felt it” Leo then leaned his forehead against Donnie’s, nuzzling his baby twin “It felt like you” Leo finished softly.
Leo hoped that he would never feel that ever again…and with the way that Donnie was looking at him, he knew that his brother felt the same way
Donnie sniffled as he realized what Leo’s words meant. It was a truth that Donnie wasn’t sure if he wanted to believe. Maybe a part of him was scared to have a strong bond with someone like that. To love someone as strongly and as fiercely as he did with Leo.
To have…a twin. A person that was his other half. A person that if he lost, he would be losing half of himself. Or maybe even all of himself. The lost of losing a twin vs just a brother was greater…and it would certainly hurt more
Maybe that is what Leo meant earlier when he said that ‘It’ll hurt even more when it happens again’
But maybe…maybe the negatives outweigh the positives. Maybe having that type of love and bond was worth something. Maybe…maybe it was what Donnie wanted. What he needed. He loved Leo more then anything, and based on their relationship since they hatched and based on recent events, it made sense that they were twins
“That sucks” but it didn’t mean that Donnie didn’t have to like that Leo was right, as he never liked it when Leo was right
“Why?” Leo asked, trying his best to sound confused despite his tears and sniffles
Donnie sniffled as he whispered hoarsely “Because that means you were probably right this whole time”
When Leo gave him a questioning look, Donnie locked eyes and said with as much sincerity as he could despite his cracked voice and tears running down his face, “Maybe we are twins”
Leo…did not think he would ever hear those words coming from Donnie’s mouth. To hear Donnie admit that they are twins made Leo’s heart skip a beat
Normally, he would make a big deal about it, grinning like a manic and going around boasting about how Donnie finally admitted it
Instead, the moment felt too real and quiet for Leo to do that, considering how vulnerable they both were in this situation
Still…it gave Leo an opportunity to tease Donnie…just a little
“Heh” Leo chuckled wetly “If it takes almost getting killed for you to actually admit it, then maybe I should do it more often”
Leo was then shoved by Donnie who was fixing him by an unimpressed look “Too soon, dum-dum” Donnie mumbled, resulting in Leo laughing softly
Despite shoving Leo a bit hard, Donnie immediately grabbed Leo by the shoulders. It seemed like Donnie, even though he didn’t want another hug, wasn’t willing to lose any contact with Leo. Leo honestly didn’t mind as he leaned his forehead against Donnie’s, took Donnie’s hands off his shoulders, and held them between them. Leo could tell that Donnie was still shaking a bit as a few stray tears felled. Leo frowned sympathetically as he whispered, “I’m here. I’m right here Dee”
It seemed to calm Donnie down a little as he leaned as much into Leo’s forehead as he could, squeezing Leo’s hands. A reassurance that his older twin was still there.
“Are you really not going to promise me?” Donnie asked, voice still hoarse from all of the crying
Leo shook his head to the best of his ability as he gave Donnie an apologetic look “No. I’m sorry Tello”
Donnie took a deep breath as he wiped away the last of his tears, a small sniffle escaping “I can’t promise it either” he said softly
“Dee…” Leo tried to argue, before Donnie fired back “Don’t ‘Dee’ me, Leo. You know that none of us would”
‘Well, can’t argue with that’ Leo thought to himself, as he chuckled softly “We’re a strange family, huh?”
Donnie gave Leo a deadpanned look. “We’re four mutant turtles, three humans, a rat and a sheep. Was there ever any doubt?”
Leo shrugged his shoulders “Eh not really” Leo then searched Donnie’s face…really his whole body. His younger twin wasn’t as shaky as he was before but he can tell that he looked emotionally exhausted. His face showed how tired he was from all his crying, his face red-rimmed and blotching from all of the dried tear tracks.
Leo reached up to cup one of Donnie’s cheeks, speaking in his soft voice, “Are you okay?”
Donnie leaned into Leo’s touch as he nuzzled slightly against Leo’s hand “I feel gross”
Leo removed his hand from Donnie’s cheek, but he still kept his hands interlocked with Donnie’s, moving back slightly to face his twin. “I’m still a little upset about the whole nullification device thing. Did you really not want to talk to me that much?”
Donnie figured that Leo would bring it back up sooner or later. He just didn’t think that it would be sooner
“It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to you because…well, because I didn’t want to talk to you” Donnie tried to explain, hoping that what he said wouldn’t upset Leo. It seemed like it didn’t as Leo gave him a knowing nod, letting him continue “I did it because…after having that talk with Raph and Mikey, I felt…exposed. I felt…vulnerable”
Donnie then felt a bit uncomfortable as he kept talking, taking his hands out of Leo’s. “I-I couldn’t handle it. The more I talked the more I…” Donnie then began to scratch his neck, a nervous habit that he developed a few years ago when his anxiety got bad. The thoughts were running around in his mind and it was making him a bit anxious “…A-and when it came to you, I knew that I would be…I just…”
Donnie didn’t really finish his thought as Leo came up and gently pried Donnie’s hands away from his neck. He held them again between them, rubbing soft, small circles along Donnie’s knuckles and palms.
Donnie silently thanked Leo by squeezing their interlocked hands and bringing his forehead against Leo’s as he sighed heavily, looking at Leo with his most sincere and apologetic look “I got scared. I panicked. It was an impulsive decision, and I apologize”
Leo sighed softly, fondness and love hidden within “Oh you brainiac. You’re definitely the younger twin”
Donnie rolled his eyes and moved away from Leo “Oh shut up”
Leo chuckled and smiled softly “I’ll forgive you if you give me a 1-day free hug pass”
Donnie raised his drawn-on eyebrow “A day seems like a lot, don’t you think?”
Leo crossed his arms and shook his head, giving Donnie a sly smirk “I don’t think you have a say in this, Dee. You either give me free hugs, or no forgiveness for you”
Donnie sighed as he realized that Leo wasn’t really giving him much of a choice “Sigh, fine. I have no choice but to accept”
Leo smiled, knowing that he had won “Exactly. Pleasure doing business”
Donnie had a small smile on his face, happy to see that despite everything, Leo was still his normal self. In fact, Donnie was beyond happy and grateful to even have Leo here with him. He wasn’t sure what he would do without his older twin, keeping him laughing…but also keeping him safe and so loved
Without even thinking, Donnie surged forward to give Leo a hug, which completely took Leo by surprise. “Woah! The hug pass hasn’t started yet. You trying to scam me, Dontron?”
Donnie didn’t respond…at least not verbally
The tight squeeze that Leo received was all the answer that Leo needed as maybe Donnie still needed this
Rather then making fun of his younger twin for it, Leo sighed softly as he hugged Donnie back tightly, going back to cradling his little twin as he rubbed small circles on Donnie’s shell. “I missed you so much” Leo whispered softly
Donnie just buried his snout against Leo’s neck as he mumbled out tiredly “I want to go home”
“Ok I can do that” Leo responded “You’re tired and I’m tired, so I think that we both had our fill” Leo went to move, but realized that Donnie still had a tight grip on him. “Ok Dee…you are going to have to let go of me so that I can portal though”
The thought of letting go of Leo didn’t sit well with Donnie. Instead of letting go, Donnie held on even tightly, as a small whimper escaped him, nuzzling his snout against Leo’s shoulder
Leo chuckled softly at the clinginess of his baby twin but, again, didn’t make fun of him for it. He just went back to holding Donnie gently as he whispered, “Alright…5 more minutes”
Donnie visibly sagged with relief as he mumbled against Leo, “Thank you Nardo”
“Anytime Dee. Though can we sit down though? My legs are starting to hurt a little bit”
Donnie nodded his head and Leo gently moved them to the ground. When he did, Donnie crawled into Leo’s lap, just like when they were little kids. Leo let Donnie settled against his plastron, before wrapping his arms around Donnie, rocking them back and forth
Donnie let out a content chirp as he made himself small in Leo’s arms, leaning against Leo’s plastron as he listened to his older twin’s heartbeat. He let Leo’s warmth and love wash over him as they sat there on the ground for the 5 minutes that Leo was giving him
At some point, Donnie looked up at Leo and whispered, “Nardo?”
“Yeah Dee?”
“I love you”
Leo smiled softly as he hugged Donnie close and kissed the top of his forehead “Love you too baby”
Donnie chirped happily as he leaned into Leo’s hold, wishing that he could glue himself to Leo so that his older twin would never leave him again
“I’m so lucky to have you” Donnie whispered
Leo stroked his head as he whispered back, “And I’m so blessed to have you as my younger twin. Wouldn’t trade you for anything Dee”
“Same here” Donnie sighed contentedly
The twins stayed like that even well past the 5 minutes that Leo said.
They would eventually have to go home…maybe even have a twin sleepover, like they used to do when they were younger
Right now, they were just content on staying there on the Confession Hill, safe and loved in each other arms
Where they should always be