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I’ve been wandering in the dark for days now. I am tired and hungry. I don’t remember how I ended up there, but it feels like an eternity since I saw sunlight. I don’t know why I am here; I don’t know how I will get out, or even if I ever will. In the silence of this place, all I can hear is the sound of my steps, of my breath, and if I’m lucky, of my own tears.
The more I walk, the darker this place becomes. Ironically, I walked dozens of kilometers, but it feels like none. Only pools, walls, stairs... the odor of the chlorine burned my nose, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’m still reminiscing about my family. My parents, my siblings, my dog... will they ever find me? Will they ever forgive me for abandoning them?
Last summer was my little sister’s birthday. She is 10 now. She invited her friends; we ate a cool dinner and ended the day at an attraction. She asked our parents for months, and just when she gave up, we surprised her. We never saw her happier than that day. We took pictures that we have cherished ever since. I wish I was with her right now. I wish she could know how much I love her.
I keep walking in the dark, praying for something –or someone- to find me and end this nightmare. The pain in my legs is now a part of me. I just keep on walking without taking any breaks. I am hungry and weak; I would do anything just for something to eat, but the truth is that I would do even more things to drink. I’m thirsty, and I can’t even drink the water around me.
I remember the day we got Bob. Bob is our dog. He was just a puppy back then, and we immediately loved him with our whole hearts. He has always been so energetic, we can barely keep up, but it’s so fun playing with him. He runs everywhere, and he is so smart! One day, we lost one of my sister’s toys. Guess who found it the next day? And he didn’t chew it or buried it; he just brought the toy to us. He got a couple of treats that day, and everyone was happy.
In the distance, I see something reflecting the light. It seems to be yellow, but in the dark it’s hard to see. I didn’t see anything yellow in days. I start walking a bit faster, but the pain and exhaustion slow me down. I can’t even cry anymore. My lungs hurt so much that breathing is a challenge. I must know what this yellow thing is. I approach with difficulty, and my eyes finally see what’s in front of me.
A yellow ball, with a smile. I reached a dead end, for a yellow ball? With a smile?! I feel my legs shaking. My whole body is in agony, and my lack of nutrient is killing me. I will never escape from this place. I can’t find a way out. I won’t find a way out. I don’t know what to do anymore. If there was still water in me, I would tear up, but I just can’t.
One day, my parents told me how they met. It was in the 90’s; they were in their early 20’s. They met thanks to a mutual friend, and apparently, they became friends very quickly. A month later, they were officially in a relationship. They waited two years so they could save enough money for a house, then get married. Less than a year later, my older brother was on his way, then there was me, then my sister. She arrived way later and was a surprise for all of us, but we welcomed her the best we could.
I sit next to this giant yellow smiling ball. It’s the first time I stop walking in hours. I am so tired, I don’t want to stand up anymore. I just want to sleep. I just want to be home. I want to see my family, I want to see my friends. I want to see Bob. I want to wake up; I want to hear someone’s voice again.
My eyes start closing by themselves. I know that if I fall asleep, I will never wake up. But even if I continue walking, it’s just to die somewhere else. The only thing I’ve been doing since I entered this place was carrying a corpse. A dried shell full of hopes and dreams but with no way home. What was all this for? Did I just walk even deeper in Hell? If I stayed at the entrance, maybe someone would’ve found me?
Why am I still pretending that what I’m thinking matters? Soon, I will only be a body in the infinite. A grain of sand on the beach.
If someone finds me, may my body be a sign to turn around. Down here, there’s no place left to hide. The worst danger is not the monsters, or the shadows following me around, it’s myself. My thoughts, my regrets, my fears, all a part of the recipe for a painful, slow death.
I close my eyes. Suddenly, the silence becomes loud again. The water flowing is now all that is left. In this maze of pools, I drought. Now, if you please, be like this yellow ball in the dark. Keep your head up, smile, and welcome people who weren’t strong enough to stay in the light. Be their guide, be their own light, be their sign to accept things as they are.
As I feel my soul fading, and my heart stops beating, I do the only thing I can do in this cold, dark Hell:
I smile.
My art that inspired this fic