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Madoka placed the tray full of breakfast onto the table part of Homura’s hospital bed. The food consisted of a bowl of plain white rice, a bowl of miso soup, and a plate of eggs.
“Hungry?”
“Starving.”
Before Homura could dig into her breakfast, Madoka stopped her.
“Hold on a moment, I have something to give you.” She pulled out a cup of pudding from her pocket, along with a plastic spoon. She placed it on Homura’s tray.
“Just for you, but don’t worry, it’s not your Christmas gift. I have something a lot nicer planned for that holiday.” Madoka winked.
“Thank you Madoka, but I wouldn’t think it was a gift. You give me a pudding cup along with my meal every few days.” Homura let out a weak giggle and looked down at her lap. “You’re too good to me.”
“I’d expect to do no less for my favorite patient.” And Madoka was her favorite nurse, but it’s not like Homura could ever say that out loud.
She bent her back forward just a bit and booped Homura on the nose. Homura’s face flushed.
“E-eh!?”
“Ehehe! Sorry, I just can’t help it!”
Homura pouted. “Madoka… you said you’d stop doing that!”
Madoka bowed her head in a joking manner and laughed. “I said I was sorry, didn’t I? You look so cute, I can’t control myself!”
“When you say things like that, I can’t help but…” Homura murmured, with no thoughts about Madoka’s potential response.
“Hm? What is it?”
Homura shook her head. “Uh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.” She smiled.
“If you say so. Now, I’ve got to get going, but enjoy your food, alright?”
“Alright.”
Madoka waved and pushed the cart out of the hospital room, closing the door on the way out.
Homura sighed and used the chopsticks to eat some of the rice. Plain, completely flavorless, like always. She looked at the pudding cup on her tray. Sweet like her. If only she could taste her as frequently as this pudding. No, no, no, no! What was she doing, thinking about her nurse this way?
She really was starved of attention. But maybe there was something more at play here. Nevertheless, it’s not like Homura could do anything about it. Madoka was a pretty girl in her mid-twenties. She probably had a boyfriend. A hot one too, most likely. The thought of a guy holding her waist, calling her pet names, being her one and only… Homura should stop thinking about that and continue eating her meal.
A few days later, the fluorescent lights almost blinded Homura’s eyes. She adjusted her glasses and looked around. The Christmas decorations around her room were cute, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t like them. But her attention was more focused on the nurse right in front of her. Even with her stepstool, she struggled to hang up the garland on the hospital walls. Homura thought it was a cute sight, but she still wanted to help Madoka, because why wouldn’t she?
“May I assist you?” she spoke up, hesitant yet bold. She straightened her back in case Madoka accepted her offer.
Madoka looked back and smiled, shaking her head. “Oh, that’s fine, Homura! I’m all good here.” She finished putting up the garland and stepped off the stepstool, and Homura reverted to her suboptimal posture. She took a few steps over to Homura, still admiring her work.
“Don’t you think it increases morale?” She clasped her hands together and smiled, that smile seemingly permanently plastered onto her face. Homura would’ve found it deceitful had she not been in love with Madoka, or had she not known her, because it was impossible not to fall in love with her if you just knew her.
“I don’t think that’s what morale means. Isn’t that word used in the context of work? I haven't got any work to do here, I don’t think.” Homura’s words came out before she could think about them, and she quickly regretted them. What made her think she knew vocabulary any better than Madoka? “That’s not to say you’re stupid or anything, I don’t know why I felt the need to correct you, but—“
“It’s alright, Homura,” Madoka interrupted with an amused expression on her face, a tiny giggle coming out of her. “I don't know what makes you think you can’t correct me, but don’t worry about it.”
“Right.” Homura smiled, feeling stupid for believing that her words would have any effect on Madoka, positive or negative. Maybe she took it the wrong way, maybe Madoka meant that she considered themselves to be both equals. As if.
After a moment had passed, Madoka’s eyes drifted off to the doorway of the hospital room. “Hmm. Do you think a mistletoe would look good there?”
Homura’s eyes followed Madoka’s. “Yeah. I think it would,” she said, her eyes coming back to lock with Madoka’s, “why do you ask?”
“Well, I’ve always thought mistletoe was a nice tradition. And to be honest, a part of the reason why I became a nurse is for romance. Don’t get me wrong, I love helping patients, but I remember watching those romantic medical dramas and thinking, ‘it’d be cool if I could see that in real life’. Or even experience it,” she said, sighing. “But I’m doing fine not being in a relationship, although I’d like a lot to be in one.”
Guilt surged through Homura, how could she feel joy when learning that Madoka wasn’t in a relationship, when she learned how much she wanted to be in one? Some part of her told herself that perhaps she could be the one to fulfill that desire, but she shoved it deep down. She needed to keep it a fantasy, in what world would it not be one? Certainly not this world.
A hidden factoid in Homura’s memory revealed itself, and asked to be let out. “Did you know that holly berries and mistletoe are often confused for each other? I read that somewhere in a book, I don’t remember where.” She’s grateful that her brain remembered that seemingly useless fun fact, although she would’ve been more grateful if she’d been able to remember everything else she learned back when she was in school. If she was stupid, it was alright, as long as Madoka didn’t think so, and never found out.
A surprise look on Madoka’s face appeared, but it quickly dissipated and was replaced with fondness. “I’ll take that fact into mind when finding mistletoe, even if it won’t be up for that long,” she said, pausing for a few seconds, “you’re smart Homura, you really are.”
Homura felt like she was floating when the other woman said that, although she had difficulty believing her. “Thank you, Madoka.”
“I’m giving you your gift tomorrow night, when my shift is over. I’ll be taking you somewhere special. Don’t ask me where it is, because it’s a secret.” Madoka changed the topic all of a sudden, probably because there wasn’t much else to say, Homura decided.
“That sounds like fun, but will I be allowed to do that?”
“You just have to sign a form by the hospital, and you’ll be good to go. And, oh, Homura, I feel bad about it, I really do.”
“What? Bad about what?”
“That we can’t do it on Christmas Day. But you do understand, right? I’d like to spend it with my family.” Her family. Homura forgot all about what it was like to have a family, the warmth and joy of it. She was happy for Madoka, of course, but she couldn’t help but feel jealous. Of her family, or of Madoka herself, Homura didn’t know. Probably both, if she were being honest.
“Of course I understand. I’d spend Christmas with my family as well, if I had one.” Homura didn’t mean for that to come out so bluntly, but Madoka didn’t seem offended.
“I’m glad then! I’ll be looking forward to tomorrow.”
“Me too.”
Their boots made crunching noises in the snow, otherwise, it was mostly quiet. Madoka held onto Homura to make sure neither of them would fall in the somewhat heavy snow. Homura had never been this close to Madoka, this was already a good enough Christmas gift.
“Are we there yet?” Homura spoke through her scarf, bundling up her face and muffling her voice.
“Sorry, what was that?”
She pulled her scarf away from her mouth and exhaled, warm and moist air coming out and making ‘fog’. “Are we there yet?”
“No, not yet. Jeez, don’t be impatient.”
“Right, right.” Homura giggled. Her glasses were fogging up at that moment, and she removed them as she was walking to wipe them with her gloves before placing them back on her face. “You’re lucky that you don’t have to wear these.” Homura tapped her glasses to signify what she was referring to.
“I guess I am. Does it really fog up like that all the time?”
“No. Just whenever I’m in the cold, this scarf sure isn’t helping.”
“You’re lucky your glasses suit you then.”
“T-thank you, Madoka. I thought that glasses usually make people… uglier.”
“What? No, no, that’s not true at all! At least, not when it comes to you. For the record, you look good with or without your glasses, either way.”
Homura smiled yet again, and she could feel Madoka’s eyes on her hair as they walked.
“You’re staring.”
“Am I? Sorry, it’s just, you didn’t put your hair in braids today.”
“It’s a special day. I wanted to try something different.”
“They look cute on you. You know I like it when you let me do them.”
“Then I’ll wear them every day from now on, 24/7. No breaks.”
“Never mind. You don’t even need braids to be cute.” Madoka smiled.
Look cute, be cute. There was a difference, wasn’t there? Homura couldn’t articulate that difference, but there had to be one, right? Maybe whenever Madoka says the word cute to Homura, she’s actually speaking down to her, not complimenting her. But somehow, Homura can’t view Madoka as duplicitous. Not anymore.
And why was Madoka always so nice to her? Of course, it’s her job to be nice to patients, but this felt… different. Perhaps Homura was thinking too much about it. It’s like when the barista is extra polite to you, it doesn’t automatically mean that she’s into you, so you shouldn’t take it the wrong way. Homura was overthinking. Her face turned even redder with the cold, so she couldn’t bring herself to mutter out another ‘thank you’ to Madoka’s compliment, lest she turned into a tomato.
“We’re here,” Madoka cheerfully said. The two arrived at an empty playground, no children would want to play here when it had snowed this much.
“So? Disappointed?” Madoka let go of Homura, took a few steps forward, and turned the front of her body towards her.
“No! No, I could never be disappointed by you.”
Madoka laughed. “Ok then. If that’s the case, I’m glad.”
“What did you bring me here to do?”
“Say, Homura…have you ever had a snowball fight?”
“A what?”
“A snowball fight! It’s a lot of fun,” Madoka said, and looked up to the sky, as if she was reminiscing, “the other day, I’m not sure if you remember, but you were talking about how you’ve never been in a snowball fight before. You said your health wouldn’t allow it when you were younger, and I think that’s pretty unfair,” Madoka said and made eye contact with Homura once again, “every kid deserves to experience a snowball fight. But who says you can’t do it when you’re an adult as well? There’s a first time for everything."
“…You remembered me telling you that.” Homura was shocked that Madoka would remember such a minuscule thing such as that.
“It was sort of a rhetorical question when I asked you if you’ve ever been in one before, I already knew the answer.”
“That’s alri—“ before Homura could finish her sentence, Madoka threw a snowball at her. It landed on her coat and fell to her boot.
“Sorry! I didn’t know how else to start it.”
Homura grabbed a handful of snow from beneath her and threw it full speed at Madoka, with what little strength she had. Despite that, an audible ‘ouch’ sound came out of Madoka and she backed away a few feet.
“Don’t underestimate me.” Homura meant to give off a playful tone by saying this, but it sounded serious instead. Nevertheless, it seemed Madoka had gotten the message. They started throwing snowballs at each other quickly, but Homura’s were more flimsy and they broke apart more easily.
“Time out,” Madoka yelled, and she walked towards Homura.
“Is this a trick?” Homura chuckled.
“No, it’s just that there could be a better way,” Madoka said gently, holding both of Homura's glove-covered hands in her own. Woah. This is like something straight out of a rom-com, although Homura wouldn't have known because she was never the type to watch them. “You're wearing gloves, that's what's making the snowballs so breakable.” She removed Homura’s gloves from her, and Homura allowed her to do it, even though she could have done it herself.
“But, won’t my hands get cold?”
“C’mon, you won’t let that stop you, right?” Madoka pouted. All Homura needed was that small bit of encouragement, and she was good to go. She shoved her gloves inside her coat pocket and the two continued with their snowball fight. Chasing each other around the playground, hiding behind swingsets and slides, it was like the childhood Homura never had. From an outsider’s perspective, it would have looked a bit odd, seeing two grown women running around throwing snow at each other, but Homura didn’t care. This was all she ever wanted. During the middle of their fight, Madoka pinned Homura down to the snow, making a loud ‘thud’ noise.
“I’ve got you!” Madoka laughed, exhaling foggy air.
“Ow…!”
“Oh, no! Are you alright, Homura! I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to—“ Homura shoved a handful of snow into Madoka’s face.
“Didn’t I tell you not to let your guard down around me?” They both paused, breathing in each other’s air for a moment before laughing. Just small, quiet laughs from both of them, nothing compared to the dead silence had they not said anything.
“No, you didn’t! You said not to underestimate you, not to not let my guard down around you.”
“Like you know the difference.” They stayed quiet for a moment, yet again, before Madoka got off of Homura, and off the ground. She walked over to the benches and sat down, while Homura followed her. The bench was cold and icy, easily felt through Homura’s coat.
“Thank you for doing this for me, Madoka. I feel sort of bad for not…well for not getting you a gift as well.”
“Seriously? You’re so thoughtful, Homura. Just being here is enough.”
“I was scared that you’d think I was ungrateful, if I didn’t give anything to you in return. I’m not, really.” Homura sighed. “I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, not to mention family. But with you, I…”
“Feel less lonely?”
“Yeah. I feel less lonely. I guess that’s your job though, isn’t it? To help patients, emotionally and physically.” Madoka didn’t say anything for a few seconds, appearing to come up with a response.
“For some reason, you’re different, Homura.”
“Oh, shut up. I’m ‘different’ huh?” Homura snickered light-heartedly.
“No, you really are!” Madoka leaned in towards Homura, their faces just a foot away. “I mean it. I don’t know how to explain it, but I really like you, Homura. More than…more than a nurse should like her patient. Why’d you think I took you here?”
“I… um… I…” Homura was dreaming. She had to be, right? There was no other explanation for why this was happening to her. What should she say? What can she say? What if—
“I don’t want you to think I’m pressuring you, or using you, I’m not! You don’t have to accept me, just know… just know nothing will change if you reject me.”
“I don’t reject you.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t reject you, I like you! I like you, too, Madoka.”
“Oh. Oh!” Madoka made a relieved sigh and smiled from ear to ear. “I was terrified. I was beginning to think that you’d reject me, report me, and then I’d lose my job!”
“No way! Like I’d ever do that to you…” Homura said while shaking her head and giggling, they were both giggling, and after that, there was a brief moment of silence.
“Can I kiss you?”
Homura didn’t respond, she immediately kissed Madoka. Their faces didn’t exactly mesh together, but they pressed lightly into one another’s. It felt like the world had stopped moving just for them, just for them to feel each other. Homura didn’t want this to be the best day of her life, although it was starting to feel like it might have been.
Madoka’s lips were chapped, probably because of the frigid air, but Homura didn’t mind. This was also Homura’s first kiss, so it’s not like she could complain. Homura’s icy hand cupped Madoka’s face, and Madoka’s hand was placed onto Homura’s head. It was a light, gentle touch. After a few seconds of this, they pulled away from each other.
“That was… nice,” Madoka awkwardly said, exhaling.
“Yeah, Nice.” Homura breathed out as well.
“Well, at least now I have someone to bring home for the holidays.” Madoka laughed.
“Really? You’d let me meet your family?”
Madoka widened her eyes slightly. “I was just joking, but… if you’d be willing?”
“I’d love to Madoka. I’d love to.”