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Cabby wheels herself to the edge of the beach, overlooking the water. The sounds of the waves fill her ears, a beautiful background to her thoughts.
For some reason, she can’t get that godforsaken Test Tube out of her brain. They’d only been allied for one episode, yet Cabby finds herself almost attached to her. Test Tube was everything Cabby looked for in an ally - smart, resourceful, and willing to use the files to her advantage.
Or, so Cabby’d thought. Test Tube hadn’t seemed like she cared about Cabby’s files. It was just extra intel that Cabby noticed. Really, Cabby had done nothing wrong, in her mind at least.
But no one else seemed to feel that way. Their faces burned into her memory, even Silver finding her handicap to be offensive. Really, it was obvious to everyone that he was entitled. Why did her writing it down have any difference?
One small wave splashes up to her wheel, making Cabby roll back a little. She tries to wipe the water off her wheels, feeling a little disgusted, then stops.
That one wave went just a little too far, and Cabby spiraled. Was that how it was with her team? She went a little too far, and everyone else took it too seriously? Was their interpretation of her files really her fault?
But then again, was their reaction their fault? Cabby had gotten eliminated, fair and square. She shouldn’t be thinking about it too much. And yet she couldn’t stop stewing about it.
According to her files, that was the sign of a sore loser. Someone who never deserved to win.
But, maybe she shouldn’t be listening to those files.
God, why did Test Tube leave Cabby feeling so unsure of herself? She’d never felt like her files were at fault. Not even when Fan had gotten out.
And that was another thing. Fan. Had Test Tube been harboring negative feelings towards Cabby because of his elimination? She should know that Fan’s elimination had been purely strategical!
Plus, Test Tube hadn’t been regretting Cabby’s own elimination. To her, it’d probably seemed strategic. Yet, when Cabby did something strategic, it was bad?
Of course, it wasn’t like Cabby didn’t know why. Emotions. Test Tube felt many of those for Fan, probably bordering love. And that was why those of which Test Tube felt for Cabby were negative, because she’d gotten out Fan.
Cabby didn’t understand why that affected Test Tube’s decision so much. Even then, Cabby was still a good ally to have, was she not? She’d clearly proven that her intel could do whatever she wanted it to, such as create chaos between Paintbrush and Silver Spoon.
That wasn’t to say Cabby didn’t have any experience with the feeling of love. In fact, she was… struggling with it at this moment.
But that wasn’t her point. Her point was love shouldn’t affect how one plays a game, especially one like Inanimate Insanity. It shouldn’t… change how you do things.
Oh, but Cabby was as bad as Test Tube then, wasn’t she? Changing how she used her files, in hopes it would somehow attract the other object?
Her love for Test Tube burned pretty bad in her heart. She knew it was unrequited, the stuff you would write about in fanfiction, but it never stopped her.
Ever since the beginning of the game, she’d admired her. Test Tube had been smart, and headstrong, but somehow developed strong relationships, like her ones with Paintbrush and Fan. Admittedly, it’d been a little crush at first sight.
Now, Cabby thought Fan marching up to her and confronting her about her files was rash, and Test Tube’s expressions at the moment clearly showed her disagreement with him. But Test Tube had still ended up agreeing with him, and had been disappointed at his elimination.
Test Tube didn’t harbor any of those same feelings for Cabby. Even though Cabby was just playing the game, Test Tube still eliminated her.
Cabby felt… envy. Yes. She was envious of Fan. Of his callousness, confidence, the ease at which he and Test Tube interacted.
This attraction wasn’t good for Cabby. But she couldn’t help it. It wasn’t her fault Test Tube was just so… perfect. Yet, Cabby would forever be shamed for how she played, while Test Tube would be celebrated, probably, for getting Cabby out.
The waves hit the sand with increasing force, sending unwanted shivers down Cabby’s spine. These waves were uncontrollable, but they were still there. She felt they were like her emotions, constantly hitting at the sand - her brain in this case - and never ceasing to do so.
She knew these feelings were stupid. But would they stop? Probably not. Love was irrational, and it was the reason she couldn’t accept that she was out of this game.
And this envy. God, she shouldn’t be feeling so envious of Fan. He and Test Tube had gone through a whole season together - and a traumatic one, by the sounds of it - so of course they were close. No matter how much Cabby yearned for it, Test Tube wouldn’t be hers.
Fan would always be there, he’d never leave. Cabby probably wouldn’t go either… but it wasn’t like either of them would ever care.
Hot tears start to well up in Cabby’s eyes, and she can’t seem to will them away. Eventually, she just lets them fall, trying not to think of what could’ve been.
No one would ever care about her. It was an insanely true fact of her life. No one had shown any sort of care for her - when she thought she’d found someone, Test Tube had decided that Cabby wasn’t important enough. No one would ever act irrationally for her, telling Cabby that she was important.
So, yes. She would watch Test Tube and Fan. Because they loved each other, more than Cabby would ever get.
And, the more that Cabby accepted that, the worse she felt. She felt herself melting, the raw love and admiration for Test Tube welling up in her heart.
Eventually, she feels an arm wrap around her. “Hey,” Lifering whispers. “Are you okay?”
Cabby freezes, then breaks at the feeling of an arm around her, of someone showing some sort of love for her. “I- Test Tube- el- elimination- I-”
“Hey, hey, hey, shh. You don’t have to speak. For now, just come to bed.”
Lifering leads her to the beds, and Cabby sleeps without a word, not wanting to be a nuisance. His arm leaves her back, making her feel cold again.
And, as sleep finds Cabby, she feels more alone than ever.