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It was a particularly dangerous mission.
It involved Galra troops, so of course the whole team was on edge.
After Coran shrieked at how many enemy ships were attacking, Keith started blocking everything out. The gang was being briefed on the mission at hand, but Keith couldn't help but follow the dark trail that his mind started taking him on, most likely to his memories. It wasn't intentional, but these days, nothing he did really was. Keith functioned on pure emotion and adrenaline alone, which is part of the reason why he had so many strong feelings, even for smallest things. He rarely let those wild emotions float to the surface, but that didn't mean he wasn't affected by them. Like fear, for example. Fear of losing what little he had. Fear of losing Lance, to be more specific. Like the last time they were overrun with invading Galra and how Lance almost died.
Everyone else survived, he recalled, but Lance needed the healing pod afterwards, and Keith vividly remembered the horrifying aching in his chest and how nervous he was and how dry his mouth became every additional
ten seconds that went by with him still in there, eyes closed, unconscious. He remembered banging on the glass as if that would make any semblance of a difference, and how Shiro had to pull him away from the pod because, shit, his fear and heartbreak were making him wildly upset and why couldn't Lance just be okay?? Why didn't he bounce back as fast as he did when a girl rejected him? Why was it so difficult for Keith to process this?
After that fiasco of the heart and Lance turned out to be okay, Keith started fearing every time they went out for a mission--not for himself, no, Keith was expendable and would sacrifice himself in a minute if it meant sparing the life of one of his teammates--because Lance would definitely do something stupid every time and it was a 50/50 chance of him saving the day or losing his life.
So it wasn't ridiculous for Keith to want some kind of reassurance, some kind of sign from Lance to promise Keith that he would come back kicking. But he could never get that, because Lance is Lance--wild, reckless, spontaneous. Just like Keith, but more annoying and with better judgment skills.
But when Keith tuned back in, everyone was splitting up to either suit up or get to their lion. He watched Lance turn to leave, and he bit his lip. It was now or never. Ignoring all the logic his brain was presenting to him as to why he shouldn't act, Keith pushed his thoughts down and gently caught Lance's shoulder, pulling him back into Keith's circle of space.
"Lance--" He started, face hesitant and eyebrows arched in such a way that it alarmed the blue paladin in question. Lance blinked, and as an automatic response, placed his hands on Keith's shoulders in concern.
"What's wrong, man?" He heard Lance ask as he looked up into his eyes, noticing the worry seated in his brow. This was wrong. It came out wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this. There wasn't supposed to be a pause this long. Keith wasn't ready to ask for any kind of affirmation, no matter how scared he was. He started over thinking the whole situation and he immediately abandoned any action he was going to take, opting to stare at Lance and his perfect lips that were gently bent into a small, concerned frown.
Keith stared for a long time, their bodies standing uncomfortably still at an awkwardly close distance. Lance looked like he was waiting for some kind of response from Keith.
He could feel his legs ache to step forward just a little bit further, reaching out for Lance once more because all he wanted to do was keep Lance close; close, something he'd never been with anyone until now; close, where he wanted Lance to be; close, where his heart was.
All Keith wanted to do was make sure Lance got back alive and safe so he could be his loud, boisterous, annoying self. If Keith was being honest, he probably couldn't live without the cacophony that was Lance's entire being.
"Uh.." Was all Keith managed once he saw the expectant look on Lance's face. He swallowed hard and broke the alarming eye contact. What was he doing? What was he expecting? "Good luck out there." He managed to cough out, his gloved hand slowly dropping from Lance's broad shoulder in masked disappointment.
Lance's shoulders slumped a millimeter as Keith turned towards the docks, hurriedly hopping into the chute to get to his lion, effectively escaping the situation as well as his innocent, yet intrusive homosexual urges.
They came back without a scratch, but it wasn't a day later when Keith found himself in the exact same position not 24 hours before. Again, he was reaching out, this time grabbing Lance's arm and tugging ever so slightly, enough to get his attention. This continued to happen every time before a mission with no solution, Keith backing down every single damn time because he somehow could not resist the urge to reach out. Touching Lance was the only wordless way he could confirm that if he tried hard enough, he could help Lance come home after every mission.
Lance seemed annoyed the first couple of times Keith stopped him, but every time he turned around and saw the look on Keith's face, he instantly softened.
"Is everything okay, Keith?" Lance asked, looking down at his teammate, Keith's eyes downcast. It was clear something was up.
He placed a warm hand on Keith's cheek and brought his face up to look at him. Again Keith felt his heart squeeze, shrivel up, and send loud thumps all the way down to his feet. This was close, to say the least.
"Everything's fine." Keith mumbled, inhaling deeply and capturing his moment in his mind before he moved away from Lance's touch.
Lance, however, wasn't having it.
"Dude," he took Keith's shoulder and brought him back so they were face to face again. "You've been trying to say something to me every time we've shipped out these last couple of missions. What's going on?" He asked earnestly, Keith biting his lip as he avoided Lance's eyes.
"I just...." Keith inhaled, trying to brace himself from his own words. Was he really going to go for it? Right here? Right now? The navigation room was empty, the blue-tinted room filled with nothing but beeping from the control panels Allura and Coran used. The heat coming from Lance's hand was adding to the heat of his already warm cheeks, the temperature increase alarmingly spreading to his neck and ears.
Lance started talking at the exact same time Keith found the courage to blurt out the rest of the sentence, and it left both paladins speechless.
"Wait, what did you say?"
"N-nothing, forget it-"
"KEITH."
Keith exhaled loudly, separating himself from Lance's hands. He wrapped his arms around his chest and looked down at his shuffling feet, his heart thumping in his ears. Just say it.
Keith starts rambling instead, some kind of nervous tactic that failed completely.
"I just want you to come back safe, alright? I don't want anything bad happen to you, and I dunno it freaks me out when you just lunge into battle with reckless abandon-"
"Are you, Keith, the hotheaded, impulse-driven red paladin of Voltron, telling ME to be CAREFUL?" Lance interrupted, incredulous.
"...I'm not doing this." Keith mumbled, flustered and angry and embarrassed and ashamed as he turned his back to Lance and began to walk to the door. Lance caught his elbow in time, pulling Keith back.
He sent Keith a serious look, holding Keith by his triceps.
"Keith, you don't need to worry about me, okay?" He whispered gently, raising his thin, dark brows as he pursed his lips at how Keith's breath became a bit more labored. This was somehow upsetting for him to talk about, Lance could tell.
"I-I know that b-but the last time you were put into a healing pod and you didn't come out for a long long time and I couldn't take it and I can't lose-"
"Woah, Keith, shhhh..." Lance pulled him into a secure hug filled with urgency, freaking out when Keith's speech started to falter. "It's okay, I'll be fine, alright?"
"I can never assure your safety, Lance, I just..." Keith mumbled into his chest, gripping the back of Lance's jacket harder than he meant to. The hug felt safe, and Keith didn't want to let go. It was the only focal point he had right now with the rest of the world violently spinning and whipping around him, taunting him to make another wrong move so they could punish him. Lance kept him grounded. "I've lost so much already...You're the last thing I want to add to that list.." Keith closed his eyes for a second, shivering when he felt Lance place a hand in his long, slightly tangled mullet.
"Keith, buddy, I had no idea you felt this way..." Lance admitted earnestly, pulling back to look at him briefly, taking all of him in right then. He never knew he was so important to Keith...It warmed his heart in a prickly way. He looked stressed about this...
Keith was almost shaking, one from almost being on the brink of tears, but two from hugging Lance and being so close to Lance and breathing in Lance...
He felt Lance crane his neck down and catch Keith's chin again, and before he could say anything else, Keith immediately felt the new, fiery sensation of smooth, maintained lips meeting hos own worry-ridden chapped ones. Keith unconsciously balled his fists tighter in his jacket, needing it to brace himself in this startling situation.
Lance noticed now Keith's grip got tighter but he could feel his body relax against Lance's as he leaned into the kiss more, making him grin.
It was a brief exchange, simple and clean, but it still left Keith breathless and Lance's adrenaline levels at an all time high. Lance could HEAR the blood rushing in his ears, and it was all he could do to not reach down and do it again.
"Just..." Lance swallowed hard, getting a grip on reality because holy SHIT he just kissed Keith Kogane. "Just do... that... if you get worried, okay? I can...I can help you calm down."
"...Okay." Keith couldn't believe the words coming out of Lance's pretty mouth but he accepted them with open, albeit cautious, arms. They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before Keith's mind went back to the mission at hand, the anxiety swarming his stomach yet again. He was still worried, so as per Lance's advice, he found the nerve to grab his jacket collar and yank him down to kiss him again. It was never anything rough--Keith just needed something soft and safe and comforting, and boy was Lance on board with that.
They left for battle in a much better mood, and soon, it was almost a pre-mission ritual. Keith needed some way to know that Lance was going to be there when they came back, and Lance always tried his hardest to convey that message through their quick, therapeutic kisses in the hallway after everyone had already departed for their lions.
"Be careful." Keith mumbled, biting Lance's lip gently as they pulled away from each other.
"Yeah, yeah, I will. You better come back here so I can kiss you again." Lance breathed out happily, phrasing his words like a challenge as he snuck in one more quick peck and a brief hug before running the opposite way to Blue's dock.
And for once, as Keith watched him leave, he wasn't afraid. He knew Lance was going to come back here with him, happy, alive, and safe.
For once, he knew that he would be able to have that one happiness in his life, and that was enough for him.