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Marcus had a very exhausting job. Keeping Silvia alive was no easy task. Because of the hero constantly foiling her plots, you ask. No, it’s because Silvia is completely incompetent.
Today, Marcus was just trying to make coffee. Then Silvia barged in with all her annoyingly endearing stupidity and made such a simple task a draining activity.
“Why hellooooo Marcus. You’ll never guess the evil plan I have concocted for today.”
“What did I say about talking to me before I’ve had my coffee?” Marcus said turning around to stare at her with his consistently blank face.
Silvia paused for a minute before muttering “Don’t do it…”
“Right,” Marcus stated turning back to the coffee machine.
“But Marcus!”
“No”
“Mar-“
“No.”
“M-“
“No.”
Silvia left muttering about how he was just a big meanie. Marcus sipped the coffee and sighed. Much better. God, he held some weird form of affection for her but man was it a pain in the butt. It was 9 in the morning and he already had a headache.
Marcus finished his coffee and strolled up to Silvia’s “Super Cool and Very Scientific Laboratory Not a Porn Studio”. Yes that is the official titled, Marcus had added the last part after the dick gun incident and a bunch of hookers showed up. In his defense, Silvia wanted to rename it “Super Sexy and Smart Pussy Destroying Lab”. According to her, it was because she was “very hit but if the hookers come in here we must destroy their pussies so they (the hookers) can no longer work”. She was a bit sugar high that day and Marcus had to put her down for a nap.
When Marcus walked in to the lab, Silvia was setting up some device and still muttering about how Marcus was so mean to her. He internally smiled. She was such an adorable pitiful idiot. They say eyes are the windows to the soul and his proved that more than most. It was the reason he wore sunglasses. Who would ever take him seriously when he looked at such an idiot like that?
But of course Marcus can never get too comfortable as he realized what she was actually doing. In front of Silvia was a giant poster on which was written in barely legible handwriting “Sign-ups to be side chick for the Pussy Destroying Lab”.
“Silvia, what are you doing?”
The villain turned around dramatically and screamed. “Marcus you scared me. Well, you see as I’ve classified you a big meanie I’m looking for a replacement.”
Marcus could feel his migraine. “And why’d you write side chick?”
“Well I decided that it would be best thay they were a woman because my mom says I need to hang around more woman-“
“You mean she says you’re a hooker.”
“Yes Marcus it’s why we don’t let hookers in. Anyways I got the brilliant idea to combine sidekick and chick to show them how I’m both smart and funny,” she said with a cheesy smile Marcus hates that he loves.
“Yeah and what is that white goop on the poster?”
“Oh no I’ve spilled my special potion all over it. I was going to use that to bend the hero to my will,” Silvia cried in her over dramatic fashion.
Marcus rolled his eyes. “It looks like you put cum on the poster.”
Silvia gasped. “MARCUS! Why do you always have your head in gutter.”
“It’s hard not to around you,” the sidekick said in an exasperated way that in any normal person’s brain would mean because you always insinuate sexual things whether you mean to or not.
Unfortunately, Marcus forgot Silvia is not normal. “Marcus, are you flirting with me?” she whispered in an accusatory manner.
“Absolutely not.” It was about 20 years too early for him to even entertain that conversation.
“Well anyways, I want you to go post this in the city,” she said as she waved the poorly made poster at him.
“I’m nut touching that,” he said.
“But Marcus,” the villain whined.
He gave her his best unimpressed look. “You’re looking for my replacement, aren’t you? Do it yourself.”
He turned to leave as Silvia said, “Wait wait wait. Marcus. How about this? You out this up for me and I won’t accept any of the side chicks. Deal?”
Marcus almost laughed at her crazy logic. “Ok fine,” he said in an annoyed tone as he took the poster.
“Hurrah,” Silvia said throwing her hands in the air. “Also grab some eggs while you’re out. I need to make more special goop.”
The errand didn’t take Marcus very long and he couldn’t help but wonder if this is how most wives felt. They do all the work to keep their man alive and are barely appreciated or given a thank you. They care for the man child and he goes and cheats behind her back.
Okay, maybe thats a bit of an exaggeration. Silvia looking for a replacement sidekick wasn’t cheating on him. Even if she did find a boyfriend, Marcus could easily take him out without her ever finding out. She was a himbo after all. He’d probably be a scammer anyways and even if he wasn’t there was no way he could do better than Marcus’s treatment of her.
Marcus opened the door to the headquarters and found a big mess in the kitchen and a bawling Silvia. She ran over and draped her arms over him. “Marcuuuuuuus. It’s a disaster. I wanted to make you an omelette because you’re so good to me and not a big meanie like I claimed, but then I remembered we didn’t have eggs, so I thought I could use those toad eggs we got for the hexing and now my toad omelette is burnt.”
Marcus patted head and smiled internally. Well, she cared in her own useless pathetic way.
“Yeah that sounds disgusting anyways. Just microwave some instant noodles.”
“Brilliant Marcus. I’ll get on it.”
She shimmied over to the noodle cabinet while Marcus put away the eggs. He was happy she was happy. Her enthusiasm is what really draws him to her. He needs a lot of it with how dull he can be. He closed the fridge door and looked as she happily put the noodles in. He then was once again reminded that he can never get too comfortable.
“Silvia, you left the fork in there.”
“Oops.”
BOOM!
Man, he had a long day ahead of him.