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The first letter that El ever writes is to Mike Wheeler, her boyfriend. She tells him how much she misses him, how her new life is, and then she mails it with Will’s help.
She figures it wouldn’t hurt to do the same here.
Dear Mike,
I will not send you this letter. I hope that you are okay and that the others are too. I know that you will be, because you are strong. I am sad, but I am okay, because I am also strong. You might not respect my choice, but I hope now that you are happy and safe, you understand it. I do not know if you know that I am alive, but I am.
My sister fought against the power blockers and saved me. She died in the explosion, but do not think that it is your fault. It was what she wanted, and I respect her choice. But I miss her, and I think I always will.
I am in a place with three waterfalls, like you said I would be. It would be nicer if you were here, but I know that this can’t happen. They would find me, and this would not be over. I would be selfish and putting people at risk. Mike, I want to be selfish. I made a friend here. She does not know what I am. She said that if I sacrificed myself for all my friends, then I deserve to be selfish, but she is wrong. I can’t be selfish about this. It is not right.
I ask myself so many questions every day. How is Hop? How is Will? Max, Joyce, Lucas, Dustin, Jonathan? And your sisters. What is Nancy up to these days? Mostly, I think about you. Sometimes I will try to find you in my mind. I do not practice with my powers as much as I used to. When I use them, sometimes I fail, and you slip away. It is a bad feeling.
In the first letter I ever wrote to you, I talked about how my new life was amazing, but I lied to you. This time, I will not say that it is amazing. I won’t even say I’m happy things turned out this way. But I am happy. I understand things now. I am reading. I know that I will hear your name one day, on a TV, because you will do amazing things, and I wish I could be there to see it.
This letter, I will not send. I will never contact you, Mike, but know that I am here. I am alive. You are alive, and we made it out. Your family is okay. So are your friends.
I love you, Mike, and I am sorry.
Love, El
As she draws her pen away, placing it in a cup with all her other ones, Eleven thinks about how much she wants to send this, but she knows she can’t. She will never see Mike again, and she is sad, but above that, she found a way to be happy. She has made peace.
The second letter she writes is different. She is done apologizing now. She thinks it’s time to tell her story.
Dear Mike,
It has been exactly one year without you. I think you are almost done with your junior year. You have a few months left. I am not going to school, but I am learning. I can do math now. But reading is still my favorite.
I’m a different person now. I have learned so much more, and I can express myself. My friend says this is good for me, that I am growing. She says we should not have been in love so young. But she does not know the half of it, does she? I am not angry with her. At first, I believed her. I did not know what a friend was when I met you, Mike, but you showed me. I felt everything you said about friends towards you, but there was more. I had not thought about Dustin or Lucas the way I thought about you.
And then the night we saved Will, you asked me to the dance. I did not understand what was going on, but when you kissed me, I knew that I would go with you wherever. But Mike, just because I would does not mean that I can. Back then, I had to be a superhero. Superheroes save their friends no matter the cost, and I did that, too. I had to do it again last year. I am not sorry for this.
The 353 days that I was gone, you did not give up on me. It was then that I met Kali and learned about Mama. But you know all this. You also know that I listened every single night. What you do not know is what I did when Hopper was at work. I watched TV and learned to speak. But when I was not doing this, I spoke to you. You were in school, and I would watch you learn. You are so curious, Mike. I love that about you. I would tell you how smart you are and that I will see you soon. I would cry to you and nobody else.
I do not do this anymore because now I have a choice. If I heard you call my name, even once, I would come back, and I can’t afford to do that. Besides, I hope you have moved on.When I finally returned, things were different. Max became my friend. Hop did not like you. But I did. I do. We did not care about what others said, or to keep the door open three inches, because we knew that we would be okay. Nobody would hurt us.
And then I had to be strong again. You know what happened from there. When we moved to California, I had no friends. There was only Will, and he missed you so, so much. He was angry with me for lying to you. I was angry with myself.
I wrote you so many letters. You wrote just as many back. I should not have been so upset that you did not say Love, Mike, but I was. I did not know that those words were hard for you. I do now.
When I left, I did not care that you did not say I love you back. But once I had been alone for some time, I was angry. Now I know that you just could not say it, because that would mean you were letting me go. I understand now, just as you understand my choice.
There are so many things I want to tell you, but I am out of room on this page. I will tell you in my next letter, and the one after that. Maybe one day, in ten years, when I have been forgotten, I will be able to send you one. If it’s not too late.
All my love, El
Dear Mike,
When I think about you, there is an ache in my heart. I wonder what you are doing now. I wonder if you are happy. But I know you are, because you have all your friends. It is summer. A few years ago, we were in my bedroom, listening to music, talking, and much more than that. I miss those times when everything seemed simple.
I am writing this letter to you while I am sitting between two of the waterfalls. The third one, I can see, but it is a bit farther. It is beautiful here. I am in Iceland. But it is not cold, did you know that? I love it here.
It would be perfect. There is just one thing missing.
I have to go now. My friends are waiting for me. Sometimes I wonder if they are my real friends, because I lie. So much. They think my name is Jane. In some ways, it is. I like El better because you gave it to me.
I will talk to you again soon. I love you.
Xoxo, El
She tells herself that she will tell her story to one person. The girl who has been by her side for over a year. Maybe she will not believe El, but that is okay. At least she will have a true friend whom she will not lie to.
Eleven decides that she will write Mike one final letter and then let him go. He must move on, and she will too. She can fall in love again. Right?
Dear Mike,
This is the last time I will write you a letter. I have been gone for 15 months. You graduate in three. I am proud of you.
On the radio, in the mornings, I listen to WSQK. Robin does not talk there. Has she left Hawkins like we planned to? I don’t think Steve is there, either. But that makes sense. He is probably working a real job. Nancy is in school, I would guess. You always used to tell me how she had big plans. Jonathan is taking photos. Of something. I don’t know what.
When I picture Lucas, Max is always there, too. They are in love. It’s nice. Will has found himself a nice boy to love. I hope he is happy. I wish I could have said bye to him.
Hopper is with Joyce somewhere. I don’t know their plans, now that he does not have to hide me anymore. He is happy. He is accepting of me. I know that he misses me, but he knows why I did it. I think he has found peace. I visited him once, and he was in an armchair, watching TV. He did not see me.
And then I think of you. There are a million things you could do because of how amazing you are. I’m not sure what path you will choose. I hope you are still creating stories and campaigns. I don’t think you have forgotten me. I hope not. Sometimes I hope that you have found somebody else to love, but then my gut twists, and I hope that you have not. That’s just jealousy, my friend says. I told her everything. She believed me.
I don’t know what you are doing right now. Homework, maybe. Playing D&D. Maybe you are even thinking about me.
Mike. Oh, Mike. I love you so much, and I know you love me too. I feel it with every warm breath that breezes past me, with every rainbow. I feel it when it rains and when it’s sunny. I feel it when I look at the waterfalls. I feel your love, and I feel mine, too.
I have grown. You have too. We grew up together, really. And you are the most dear thing to me. I love you so. This is not my goodbye, because I am forever with you, like I said before.
Love, El
***
Two years later
Eleven could not do it any longer. She was so alone. One friend was not enough to be happy. The waterfalls were a cruel reminder of what she had lost.
“I cannot do this anymore,” El sobbed into her only friend’s arms.
Gently, she cradled El against her torso. “Write him a letter. It’s been over three years, Jane. They have not forgotten you, and you can’t go there, but whoever said he could not visit you? If what you’ve told me is true, he’s probably searching for you right now. And it couldn’t hurt to see your other friends. Max, Dustin, Lucas, Will? And your father. He is sure to miss you. Or you could even visit Mike.”
She nodded numbly, frantically. “I need—a blindfold. And…a radio.”
Five minutes later, she did what she swore to herself she would never do again.
She found Mike.
The next day, with a soft on her face, Eleven picked up her pen—the same one she had used so many other times—and began writing.
Dear Mike