Chapter Text
It was only supposed to be fun.
They didn’t talk about it, exactly. It was never something explicitly stated.
This is a casual arrangement. We’re only here to have fun, to have a good time was never said aloud by either party. It was simply the unspoken, agreed-upon restrictions around this…thing between them. Jana was certain of it.
That was what you were supposed to do after getting out of a serious relationship that you probably shouldn’t have gotten into so young – right?
Jana’s friends certainly seemed set on that idea, their hinting less subtle and more like one big monstrous entity. The word ‘hint’ felt far too minimal.
“So, sounds like fun, right?” As though the word ‘fun’ was less of a description and more of a decree.
—
The summer break after the 2024-25 season was much needed. Jana knew she would be leaving Barcelona for a new journey in the upcoming season, and while she was excited and knew that the change was needed, it didn’t make leaving any easier. Barcelona was all she had ever known, where she had grown up. This felt much less like taking a step, but making a leap. Even if she needed to do it, the thought was still terrifying.
When Patri, Ona, and Vicky suggested going to Mallorca before the Euros, it was an easy choice to say yes. The fact that Bruna was coming made it an even easier decision.
So they rented a big villa right on the water, and Jana brought more swimsuits than she could ever possibly need. Everything about the location exuded a sense of calm that all of the girls agreed they needed.
Jana was exhausted on two accounts.
The first – a long, challenging season that culminated in a lost Champions League title.
The second? The end of her multi-year relationship. The same one that left her feeling hollowed out inside and empty in ways she couldn’t fully express.
Had she really given so much just for it to end like this? She had tried so, so hard to make things work. She shifted her schedule, her life, her expectations to fit into Jill’s life. She had bent over backwards to accommodate her as best as she could, and still it wasn’t enough.
She wasn’t enough.
When Jill cropped up with a new girlfriend not a month later, Jana wasn’t sure if she was rejected or relieved.
It stung, the thought of being so easily replaceable. Had she truly been so forgettable? How long had Jill resented a relationship that Jana had given everything to fix?
But perhaps a bigger part of her mind was assuaged and alleviated by the news. There was no coming back from this. It was over and done, and everyone knew.
No longer were people going to pore over her social media posts asking if they were together; not with Jill parading her new girlfriend around on every platform she had.
Jana had deleted all of her social media apps from her phone, leaving it up to her team to handle for the most part.
She began slogging through the impossible task of picking up the pieces of her shattered and worn-out heart. Her friends knew she was healing, trying to find herself again after she’d felt so stripped apart.
They had arrived at the villa just yesterday, and it seemed like all she had done was sleep. The house was big enough that everyone had their own room, and Jana had fallen asleep last night almost straight after dinner.
When she woke up the next morning, it was shockingly late, and despite the time, she still felt exhausted. She managed to drag herself out of bed and into a bathing suit before she ventured out to find her friends.
Everyone was settled on the beach, lying out on towels as they soaked in the sun. She grabbed a towel of her own before she joined the group, sprawling out next to Bruna.
“Good morning sleepyhead,” Vicky sing-songed, and if she had been closer, Jana would have smacked her on the head.
“Fuck off,” she muttered, but smiled despite herself as she yawned lazily.
“How are you feeling?” Bruna asked as she looked over at her friend curiously. Jana shrugged lightly as she placed sunglasses on the bridge of her nose.
“Still tired, but better. I just want to have fun and relax. That is my only goal for this whole vacation,” she declared, and Patri cheered in response. Everyone largely returned to their own devices after that, leaving her alone. Even Vicky, who always seemed to be getting into mischief, let her be.
Jana drifted in and out of sleep as her friends moved around her. They went out to swim, back to the house to eat, and played games in the sun.
Jana slept. And slept. And slept some more.
It came to an unexpected head in the late afternoon. Last she had checked, the majority of the girls, except for Ona, had gone down to the water to swim.
Jana slipped into a fitful, dream-filled slumber.
In the dream, she could see Jill looming over her, scolding her for what felt like the hundredth time. For not being private enough, not playing well enough, for wearing a top that was too revealing or forgetting to text her back fast enough. She went on and on and on until Jana felt like screaming, stuck on repeat in her own mind. She couldn’t get away from the endless diatribe.
Just as quickly, Jill turned saccharinely sweet as she leaned down towards Jana, her mouth turned up in a wicked smirk. When she spoke, it was in a voice that was not her own.
“Hola amor.”
Jana jerked awake, and she flew off the towel she was lying on and into a seated position. Her breath came in short gasps, and she placed a hand on her heart as she tried to calm herself down slightly.
Suddenly, someone's feet appeared right in her vision, and the defender forced herself to look up at whoever was in front of her. The person was backlit, wearing frayed jean shorts and a white tank top that clearly covered a bikini.
The woman was tan, but blonde - very blonde. Too blonde to be one of the friends she was here with.
She crouched down next to Jana, and it was at that point that the defender realized who it was.
Aggie Beever-Jones, the English striker for Chelsea.
Her eyebrows were furrowed together in clear concern. A wrinkle had appeared in her forehead because of it, and Jana took that in as she looked her over.
The striker’s long blonde hair was pulled back into a low bun, and she had sunglasses placed on the top of her head. Her hand reached out, hovering near Jana’s knee as though she was waiting for permission to touch the Spaniard.
When Jana finally looked back at her face, she realized that Aggie was trying to talk to her.
“Hey, it’s okay. You’re alright. You’re on vacation. Everything is okay,” she promised, her voice low and gentle. She took a huge deep breath in, and Jana found herself subconsciously doing the same.
Some of the tension and concern seemed to ease in the English woman’s expression, and Jana finally felt some embarrassment bleed into her own. A girl she barely knew had just witnessed her having a nightmare. Just had to reassure her as her heart pounded with fear of her own design.
Because that was the truth, wasn’t it? She was the one who had gotten into the relationship, the one who had gone along with Jill for so long. She had nobody to blame in this whole situation but herself. Not that Aggie would know any of that, though.
She flushed a deep shade of scarlet, practically spluttering as she tried to course correct. Not that there was really any point, it wasn’t as though she could rewind time and have Aggie un-see what she saw.
“I’m so sorry,” Jana rushed to say, sitting up more fully. She looked around quickly and found nobody around except Ona, a few towels down, napping.
“I’m so sorry,” she said again, though she wasn’t entirely sure what she was apologizing for.
“That’s alright, there was nothing to apologize for,” Aggie promised honestly, her voice soft as her smile, both of which never wavered. The moment passed like a wave that washed over both of them, and somehow, the lingering awkwardness and embarrassment that Jana felt frayed at the edges. The blonde girl pointed her thumb towards the beach, and for the first time, the Spaniard noticed that a group of people were down by the water with her own friends.
“We just got here, and I was designated to be the pack mule and bring everyone’s stuff over while they went down to the water.”
Jana stifled a laugh at the blonde calling herself a mule, and she shook her head. She looked towards the water, straining to see if she could tell who Aggie had come with. She vaguely remembered Ona speaking about other people joining them, and was now wishing that she had paid more attention during that conversation. She knew they were staying in the villa next to theirs, so they were sharing a pool, patio, and the same section of beach.
“Who are you with?” She inquired curiously, turning her head back to Aggie. The blonde dumped her numerous bags unceremoniously next to Jana.
“Just some of the Chelsea girls - Niamh Charles, Cat Macario, Wieke Kaptein, Naomi Girma, and Lucy,” she explained simply as she peeled layers of clothing off. Jana averted her eyes when the tank top was shucked off, as she failed to keep her blush from deepening.
Aggie was, to put it lightly, alarmingly attractive.
“I’m going to join everyone,” she explained, and Jana forced herself to look up and make eye contact. “Want to come?”
Aggie was looking down at her with a kind smile, her face gentle and inviting. All that Jana had known about the blonde striker was the perception she gave off publicly - cocky, arrogant, energetic. But the person in front of her was calm and clearly held humility. It threw Jana off more than she expected it to.
“No, no, I’m going to stay here, thank you though,” she answered the English woman simply, and watched as she walked off towards the water.
Jana remained where she was, a flush on her cheeks and the slightest bit of confusion clouding her mind.
—
It was surprising how easily all of the girls got along with one another. Lucy and Ona were clearly pleased, and the group just seemed to fit seamlessly in with one another. Niamh, Cat, Lucy, and Naomi hung out mainly with Patri and Ona, while Wieke and Aggie hung out with Jana, Bruna, and Vicky.
Perhaps it shouldn’t have worked, but it did. They played games, swam, went out boating or for meals, as one big group.
The group was simply blended, a litany of languages used between them, nothing but light and fun and sun. Jana had been really, really enjoying her time getting away from the pressure, expectations and reality of the fact that her life had practically fallen into shambles.
And while the vacation had been enjoyable if not uneventful, it was the bet that made things take a bit of a turn.
The bet had come from a stupid, stupid game.
They were literally playing two-touch, egging each other on in a circle and waiting to see who would be the last (wo)man standing.
When Jana and Aggie were the last ones in -- it was Vicky who declared that there should be a bet for whoever won. Jana had shot her a look because it was rare that one of Vicky’s ideas was anything but mischievous.
But the younger girl was the picture of innocence as Bruna called out that if Jana lost, she should have to give Aggie Spanish lessons. Apparently, the English striker had been wanting to learn a foreign language, and Jana quickly acquiesced, if not cringing slightly at the thought of how Aggie’s Spanish accent would sound.
Jana had just looked away from Vicky back towards the group when the younger girl piped up once more.
“If Jana wins, Aggie should give her un beso!”
Jana whipped her head back around to the culprit of such an egregious idea so quickly she nearly cracked her own neck. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head as she glared daggers at her friend. As she finally opened her mouth, she found that the very woman involved in the bet was doing the same.
“What?”
“What?!”
Jana’s voice cracked over the word as Aggie turned to her, completely, utterly, and adorably confused.
“She said you should give Jana a kiss if she wins,” Bruna explained diplomatically, and if looks could kill, Jana would make sure that her best friend was six feet under.
“Oh…” Aggie's voice trailed off as her cheeks twinged a cute color of pink, but she was quick to laugh it off. “Jana doesn’t need to do that.”
Not a refusal on the basis of her not wanting to do it, not exactly. Aggie wasn’t stupid; she didn’t live with her head under the sand. She knew that Jill and Jana had split not long ago, and while she found the young Spaniard very attractive, she wasn’t in the habit of trying to rush someone away from a breakup when it wasn’t her place.
It was an easy out, and one Jana was rapidly on her way to accepting before Vicky stepped in.
“I think she does,” the younger girl challenged, an eyebrow raised as though she dared Jana to say otherwise.
The older girl clenched her teeth, her jaw a hard line as she shot Vicky back a death glare, though it seemed to fall on deaf ears.
“Fine,” the defender gritted out after a tense moment, and Wieke let out a low whistle.
“Exactly the response every girl wants when someone is going to kiss them,” she muttered, and was hit in the ribs swiftly with Aggie’s elbow.
“Shove off,” she hissed. The blonde was well aware there was a lot more undercurrent to this conversation that perhaps she was missing context for. But if Vicky and Bruna were going to reward her obvious flirting, and Jana wasn’t going to stop her, the striker was going to continue.
“We have a bet?” Jana asked, looking Aggie dead in the eyes with complete seriousness. She held out her hand to shake on the deal.
The English girl nodded, taking the offered hand easily.
“Deal,” she replied, her face split open with a wicked grin. The blonde smiled when she saw the tips of the Spaniards' ears had gone pink.
Even the older girls wandered over when they heard the commotion. Ona looked over at Lucy with a knowing smile, watching as the competitiveness got the better of both Aggie and Jana.
“Gosh, this is…intense,” Cat murmured as she watched the clear focus of the pair, and Wieke laughed openly.
“You have no idea,” she chuckled, their gazes going back and forth between Jana and Aggie.
The whole thing looked to be on a shockingly level playing field, the two girls perfectly matched until the final moment.
Jana flicked the ball back to Aggie, who grabbed it from her before she looked up, clearly distracted with…something. She focused back after just a millisecond, but it was too late.
She missed the ball as it fell, and it thudded away as Jana raised her arms triumphantly. She had forgotten about the bet entirely, solely focused on her excitement that stemmed from winning.
Vicky whooped, and Jana was reminded of the situation as she abruptly stopped. She gulped as she looked around at the other girls with wide eyes. She shot Ona a rather desperate glance, pleading for help.
From what exactly? She wasn’t entirely sure.
“Alright, let’s go inside to get ready for dinner,” Ona called, shepherding the younger girls back inside as the older ones followed behind.
Jana swallowed thickly as Vicky shot her a wicked smile, and she told herself to shove all thoughts of the bet to the back of her mind for right now.
She wasn’t sure she’d be able to function if she didn’t.
—
It was purely by chance that when Aggie came out of her room to get water, Jana was standing out on the back patio. It was late, most of the girls were in bed, but the last bit of light was still meandering down the sky.
They had all gone out to dinner, a loud and rambunctious affair that tired them all out. Most of the girls had retreated to their rooms for the night afterward, intent on reading or going to sleep early, and Aggie had done the same. She had dozed for a while before she actually woke up, suddenly needing water.
She stopped in the hallway into the kitchen when she caught sight of the brunette, debating in her head whether or not she should go out.
She moved forward, less because she truly thought it through and more because it was something instinctual. Her desire to know this person was so incredibly strong, and she wasn’t fully aware of where exactly it came from.
She slid the glass door open, and Jana looked back to see who had joined her. Her eyes widened in clear surprise, her expression a clear question.
“Got up to get some water,” Aggie explained before the defender could even ask as she stepped into line with her. She looked out at the crashing waves, the very last rays of sun tucking behind the horizon.
“It’s beautiful,” Jana said softly, and the striker looked over at her.
“Yeah, it is.”
Her gaze stayed firmly on the Spaniard, and eventually Jana turned to meet her gaze.
“So, about the bet,” Aggie drawled, fully prepared to say that they could forget about the whole thing when Jana cut her off.
“We’re here now, I think I should collect, no?” The brunette replied with a smile, and Aggie’s expression morphed into one of shock and then suspicion.
“Are you sure? We don’t have to - I’ll say you did and your friends will never know,” Aggie murmured softly, just for Jana to hear. But the brunette shook her head as she tried to seem more confident than she actually was.
“No, no, let’s do this.”
Her voice wobbled, though, and Aggie stared at her for a long moment. She searched the Spaniard’s eyes, and Jana felt suddenly ripped raw at the watchfulness there.
“Okay,” Aggie said after a moment, and she stepped into Jana before she finally leaned into the brunette.
Jana closed her eyes in anticipation, her heartbeat fluttering in her chest. She was preparing herself for the press of lips against her own when she felt it.
The light, butterfly-soft press of lips against her cheek. Not her mouth.
She opened her eyes in surprise as Aggie leaned back, a careful smile on her face.
“I’m not in the habit of trying to rush someone to move on from something they aren’t ready to move on from,” she whispered, her face gentle and apologetic.
Having said her piece, the blonde moved to step around Jana and back towards the house. She barely made it two steps before there was a hand on her wrist that pulled her back.
“Wait,” Jana’s voice was a million times more breathless than she prepared for, and she was equally as unprepared for how close Aggie was when she tugged the blonde back to her.
“I–I want…” she trailed off, suddenly incredibly unsure of how to ask for what she wanted. Should she just come out and say it, or was that presumptuous of her? Would Aggie care? Did Aggie even want to be doing this?
Based on how the English girl’s gaze kept dropping down to her mouth, she did. Emboldened, Jana surged forward to press her lips to the blonde’s.
It’s almost nothing, a chaste kiss at best, but she pulled back from it just slightly, so close that their lips brushed together when she spoke again.
“I don’t know exactly what I want but…” She trailed off again, struggling to find the right words.
“You want this?” Aggie finished for her, one eyebrow raised. Jana nearly sagged in relief that Aggie understood.
This was it. Jana’s friends had told her that she should be doing this, that casual and fun and light was good for her after so much seriousness.
And Aggie seemed like fun, light, and a good time. The brunette leaned forward to kiss the blonde more insistently in lieu of answering, but the striker understood her answer.
Aggie’s hands found her waist at the same time hers found the blonde’s neck, and she dragged the striker back into her with reckless abandon. She tasted like peppermint chapstick and something slightly spicy, and Jana couldn’t help but groan into her mouth.
Jana felt every single place their bodies were connected, and the thought of just their hips pressed together turned her on more than she cared to admit. Aggie was gentle with her, never rushed her.
It didn’t feel like falling off a cliff with reckless abandon. Instead, it felt like they were building something. Every kiss, every touch led her further down this path they were going on together, and it was somehow exciting and so very safe at the same time.
Aggie pulled back just enough to whisper against her lips. Jana pulled her back in on instinct, her movements stuttering when the blonde began to speak softly.
“Inside?” She asked breathlessly, and Jana exhaled with something akin to relief. She nodded wordlessly and allowed Aggie to lead her inside.
The blonde held her hand as they trailed through the hallway back to Aggie’s room. The blonde pressed into the room, and Jana barely gave her time to close the door before she was on her again. Her hands anchored Aggie’s hips as she pressed her back against the door.
The blonde’s lips parted in surprise, and Jana used it to her advantage as she pressed into her. She bit down on the striker’s lower lip before she swallowed the sound that followed it. She wanted to chase that sound to the ends of the earth.
Everything within her burned and ached, all at the same time. She lost herself in Aggie’s lips and in the sweet scent of her perfume. She tugged on the hem of the striker’s shirt as she rucked it up towards her chest, and the back of her fingertips trailed over the soft skin of Aggie’s stomach.
The blonde’s breath stuttered, but she pressed Jana back just enough to divest herself of her top. The Spaniard stared at her as though she’d never seen anything more gorgeous in her entire life.
“I…I want you,” she whispered as she stepped back into Aggie’s space, her fingertips dancing across the band of Aggie’s bra.
“You have me,” the English girl confirmed as she helped Jana remove her bra. The Spaniard began to kiss her cheeks, her jaw, her neck as she brought both hands up to cup Aggie’s chest fully.
The blonde let out a breathless moan, and Jana just sucked harder on her neck. One of Aggie’s hands fell to the back of the Spaniard’s neck, and she held her there.
“Yes, right there,” she groaned as the brunette soothed a spot she had just nipped with her tongue. Her knee had come to rest between Aggie’s as she pressed her back into the door, and the blonde let out a rough breath as her hips rolled downwards.
“More, please,” she begged, her voice filled with need and a twinge of urgency.
“Slow, slow,” Jana promised, and she pulled back from her ministrations as she allowed her hands to fall to the string of Aggie’s pyjama pants.
The striker nodded, and Jana tugged the string loose before she helped the blonde step out of them.
“Beautiful,” she murmured as she took her in. Her eyes roved over curves, over the flush of her chest, the tightening of her abdominal muscles.
Aggie reached out to pull her back in, and Jana finally brought her hand up to cup Aggie where she needed her the most as she kissed her again. She swallowed the sinful noise that ripped from the blonde’s mouth.
“I need you,” she murmured against her lips, and Jana silenced her with the press of her lips against the striker’s.
“You have me. I’ll take care of you, I promise,” she affirmed as she began to slowly circle the pad of her finger against Aggie’s clit. Her touch was teasing, light, exploratory.
Aggie’s breaths were shallow, filled with quiet praise and soft begging. Not performative.
She didn’t rush Jana, even when she seemed to need it. She left all control to Jana, trusted her to treat her the way she deserved to be treated.
Jana wasn’t used to it. She was used to being directed, controlled, and forced to perform or be questioned to death.
Nothing about Aggie was performative. She was quiet but willing, and her body language said all it needed to. She let out an aching breath when Jana finally pressed a single finger inside of her, and let out a cry when a second one followed shortly after.
Jana built her up. She moved slowly at first, testing and unsure. But the longer the time went on, the more she grew to understand the striker’s body, the faster she moved. She worked her up slowly but firmly, and her fingers curled deftly as Aggie’s head dropped to her shoulder.
“Yes, please, yes,” she chanted as her chest heaved, tightening around Jana’s fingers.
“Please don’t stop,” she all but sobbed, and Jana continued just as she had without changing pace.
Aggie crashed over the edge without warning, and her hand darted out to hold onto Jana’s side to steady herself as she rode out the wave of pleasure. She let out a soft cry as she melted into the Spaniard, and she allowed herself to catch her breath before she pulled her head up.
Jana slid her fingers out of her, and Aggie winced at the loss before she let out a big breath.
“Fuck, that was good,” she murmured as she stepped forward, and Jana’s cheeks flamed at the obvious praise. She wasn’t used to someone being so earnest like that, but it only made her own arousal sharper.
“Come here,” Aggie took her hand and led her back towards the bed, where they hadn’t even made it yet.
“I need my turn,” she smiled devilishly as she reached for the Spaniard, clearly excited.
Jana found that she didn’t mind ceding control to Aggie, for whatever reason.
Not when the striker covered her in kisses, when she praised every single inch of her body with a reverence she hadn’t realized was possible. Aggie spoke constantly as she pulled every piece of clothing off of Jana, and she never gave her a moment to be self-conscious.
All she felt was wanted when Aggie settled between her thighs. Her eyes fluttered shut at the run of Aggie’s tongue through her, as her thighs parted further to allow the English girl more access.
As the blonde spoke to her, her words sending hot puffs of air against her core that left her a whining, spluttering mess. By the time Aggie pressed a single finger into her, she was already halfway gone.
It barely took her any time at all to be on the precipice. To fall without warning, her back arched off the bed addictively as Aggie murmured against her. She barely registered as she came back to herself, how the blonde cleaned her up gently, carefully.
Aggie settled next to her, and she pulled Jana into her until their bodies were pressed together, skin to skin.
Jana didn’t expect casual sex to be so…emotional. There was so much raw want, but etched into every single line of it was something careful, foundational. Like Aggie didn’t just want sex. Like Aggie wanted her.
—
The morning after, Jana woke to an empty, but still warm, bed.
She reached over, ghosting her hand over where Aggie had laid beside her, just hours before. The Spaniard looked over at the clock on the bedside table, and she raised her eyebrow at the early hour.
She was surprised that Aggie was awake, much less out of bed.
Honestly, she was a little perplexed that she was even awake at this time, and she seriously doubted that any of the other girls were up yet.
And still, she dragged herself out of bed. She padded silently to the bathroom, but found it empty. She made her way out into the main living area, and as expected, it was devoid of any of their housemates.
Silently, she gave up on her battle to find Aggie and instead grabbed a banana before she headed outside to get some fresh air. It was early enough, and based on the light in the house, she could catch the sunrise.
She was walking around to check out the sunrise on the beach when she saw her, sitting in the sand with her knees hugged up to her chest. Aggie’s long, blonde ponytail trailed down her back as she watched the waves crash against the shore.
Jana headed for her immediately, pulled by a force that felt stronger than gravity itself. Aggie looked so serene, so peaceful, just sitting there watching the sun rise over the cresting horizon.
“Hey,” Jana announced herself softly as she neared the other girl. She wondered briefly if Aggie would mind that she was here. When she tried to join Jill when she was meditating or relaxing, she was snapped at more often than not.
But when Aggie peered over her shoulder, her whole face broke out into a smile as though Jana was the rainbow she had waited for after a storm. Butterflies erupted in Jana’s stomach, and she fought back the flush that crept up her neck. She wasn’t entirely sure if she was turned on or endeared.
Maybe both.
“It’s beautiful, no?” Jana asked as she gestured to the water. Aggie nodded silently, her eyes dancing over the scene in front of her.
“Just think, it could be like this every day if you played in Spain. But no…you have to play in England,” she teased, and Aggie looked over at her with a raised brow.
“I highly doubt every single morning would look like this if I lived in Madrid.” She countered, and Jana shrugged coyly. The blonde had a point, but she wasn’t about to let her win that easily.
“How would you know? You haven’t lived there,” Jana pressed, smiling over at the blonde. “Plus, the food is so much better here.”
“Hey! No, it is not,” Aggie exclaimed, clearly affronted by Jana’s claim.
“Oh, it definitely is. You guys have some…interesting choices in dishes,” Jana said after a moment, and Aggie rolled her eyes.
“Alright, maybe you have a point, but a small one at that,” she allowed as she let out an exaggerated sigh. As though the words cost her greatly to say. When she spoke again, her voice was smaller but sincere. “I honestly can’t imagine playing anywhere else but England.”
“I feel that way with being in Spain,” Jana agreed, her voice more solemn as well.
“I know it’s not realistic to say that I’ll always play in England, because really, who knows these days. But the prospect of moving elsewhere is so…overwhelming,” Aggie continued, and she spoke as though she was talking to an old friend and not someone she just met a few days ago.
That was the thing Jana was coming to learn about her. The striker wore her heart on her sleeve so openly, so unapologetically, that it somehow just made it magically easier to talk about those scary things.
“It is…but maybe that is a little bit of a good thing, no? Sometimes you need the push outside of your comfort zone,” Jana replied, and Aggie considered her statement for a moment before she nodded her head in agreement.
“True, it would be a big adjustment. If you ever came to England, though, you’d have plenty of people to help you,” Aggie insisted, and Jana looked over at her in surprise.
“I would?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.
“I’d help you, silly,” Aggie finished, and she knocked her shoulder against Jana with a mirthful smile. The Spaniard bit the inside of her cheek, anything to not give away how affected she was by such a small statement.
“You know what would be the biggest adjustment, if you came to Spain?” Jana pivoted, shoving away all the emotions that bubbled to the surface at the English girl’s words. Aggie looked over at her with a raised brow, as she clearly indicated for her to continue.
“Spanish grocery stores,” she deadpanned, and the blonde’s head tipped back in laughter instantaneously. Aggie clapped her hands together once as she nearly rolled into the sand with how hard she was laughing.
“God, everyone online had a right good laugh at Keira about that, didn’t they?” Aggie brushed her hand under her eyes, having laughed so hard she felt tears welling up.
“They really did…and honestly, as funny as it sounds, I totally understand it,” Jana admitted, and Aggie was quick to agree with her.
“Me too. If I moved abroad, I’d definitely miss Tesco.” Jana shrivelled her nose at that statement, and she shook her head in disbelief.
“You English people have the weirdest stores, I swear,” she claimed as she let out a laugh. Aggie held her hand over her heart in mock offence.
“I take that personally. I’m going to make it my mission to come play for Barcelona so I can get all the dirt on weird stores you guys have,” Aggie announced, and it was Jana’s turn to laugh so hard her stomach hurt.
It was strange on two accounts.
The first being that Jana knew she was leaving Barcelona, and yet somehow, for the first time, when she spoke about the topic of moving with Aggie, it suddenly didn’t feel as monumentally terrifying as it had just two days before.
The second?
Jana remembered when Jill had joked about joining Barcelona. How her stomach had tightened at the thought of it, how it caused a rush of anxiety through her. She couldn’t have handled it if Jill had moved.
But somehow, when she was joking about it with Aggie, it didn’t make her throat feel like it was going to close up.
—
“Okay, everyone!” Niamh began speaking as she looked at the majority of the girls who were eating breakfast together.
“Today we are going to the Ciutat Romana de Pollentia ruins,” she explained as Vicky walked out of her room. She was halfway into the kitchen when she heard what they were doing for the day.
She immediately ducked behind the large, leafy plant in the kitchen, as though somehow that would hide her from reality.
Everyone turned to look at her, utterly perplexed. She seemed to be operating on a ‘if I can’t see them, they can’t see me’ basis, which was not working for her in the slightest.
Niamh pinched the bridge of her nose as she let out a sigh.
“Vicky, we can all see you,” she called out patiently, and the younger girl poked her head out from behind the plant.
“Oh…right,” she replied sheepishly as she made her way over to the table. She plopped herself down into one of the chairs and reached for a piece of bread.
“If you don’t want to come, you don’t have to,” Niamh said gently, and she was clearly attempting to remain composed.
“Nah, I have nothing better to do. I’ll come,” she declared, and the group all collectively furrowed their brows a bit, but ultimately decided against saying anything.
They had to take three cars to fit everyone, and it was about a thirty-minute drive from where they were staying. The sun was in full force when they arrived, and Jana, Vicky, and Bruna made their way towards Aggie, Wieke, and Naomi after they had parked.
“This is boring,” Vicky whined, and Bruna turned to her with an unimpressed look.
“You chose to come, therefore you don’t get to complain,” she said on autopilot, and Aggie snorted as she fell into step with Jana.
“Oh, she’s the most predictable one in the world. Just watch, I promise you’ll be amused. We know all her tricks,” Jana explained, and Aggie looked over at her with a raised brow.
Sure enough, every time Vicky had a question or complaint, someone was prepared.
“God, it’s hot,” she mentioned, and Jana wordlessly pulled out a water bottle to hand to her. Vicky thanked her with a big smile as she walked off with a new spring in her step.
“Whew, is it time for lunch soon?” She asked as she looked around, and Patri materialized with a snack to hand her.
“God, it is bright,” she said as they all stood around the amphitheatre, and Ona took off the hat on her head and plonked it on Vicky’s as she pulled a pair of sunglasses out of her pocket to put on.
Aggie and Wieke laughed at the fact that they seemed to be a well-oiled machine at this point.
“I can’t tell if this is hilarious or if you guys are enabling her. Maybe both,” she laughed, and the Spaniard smiled fondly at her teammate.
“She sure as hell is annoying, but she’s so darn earnest it’s impossible not to love her,” she admitted as they walked, and the Chelsea girls shook their heads in amusement.
Aggie and Jana peeled off from the main group as they made their way over to some of the residential ruins. They looked out over the now-clearly visible floorplans of ancient homes; marveling at how simply old this city was – founded initially in 123 BCE.
“It’s crazy to think that someone built this so many years ago,” Aggie whispered reverently, and Jana glanced over at her. There was clear awe on her face.
“I wouldn’t have pegged you for being a history buff,” Jana admitted, and the English girl shrugged, her cheeks pink.
“It’s just interesting to think about, you know? How people lived back then. What it would have been like, how all of these buildings would have looked when they were actually being used and not just the remains of something from the past,” Aggie explained, and there was genuine curiosity and seriousness in her tone.
Jana looked out at the ruins in front of her and found that Aggie was right. It was curious thinking about that sort of thing, and it almost gave her a new perspective. When all was said and done, what legacy would they leave behind?
Would there be any? Or was it more important to be present and not worry so much about the future?
Jill had been ambitious. She had high expectations for everyone around her, demanding perfection from Jana during their relationship, something which had utterly drained her. The only person she held to a higher standard was herself.
But all the glory she chased, on and off the pitch, was to be seen. It was to prove something, not to herself, to the world. She was constantly striving for ways to enshrine herself in the history books, always looking towards the next team. But it's nearly impossible to control one's legacy, and while trying, she kept missing out on the simple grandeur of the present.
Jana wondered if the same thing happened to these people. If they thought something like that was worth it, if it really mattered.
As she looked around Jana felt herself relax, as she stood here with the striker. She was out of that mind set. Jill was gone from her life, and with her those expectations had slipped away, with relief taking their place.
“This is really fucking cool,” Aggie said after a moment, and Jana found herself smiling as she nodded her head.
“Agreed,” she simply stated, before they turned and made their way back to the group.
—
The last four days of their vacation were filled with secret smiles, sneaking off to trade orgasms, and their less-than-subtle friends. Vicky, Bruna, and Wieke hinted a little too easily at how the two should get together, but were genuinely oblivious to the fact that they already had.
“Come on, Jana,” Vicky whined the day before they left. She was splayed out on Jana’s bed while the brunette packed. Bruna sat lying vertically at the end of the bed, and she scrolled on her phone while her two friends bickered.
“You think she is hot, no? Go for it! We will cover for you!” Vicky announced conspiratorially, as though she would be able to keep such a secret when she was notoriously bad at it.
“We will?” Bruna asked obliviously, only to be kicked swiftly in the ribs.
“We will!” She corrected quickly, though she didn’t look up from her phone. She was far too used to their antics.
“Guys…” Jana trailed off, and she turned her back so that her friends couldn’t see the smile that curled on her lips. The ghost of Aggie’s hands on her shoulder, her back, her neck, hummed through her delightfully.
“Oh my god!” Vicky shot up as she heard the lilt in Jana’s voice. She shoved Bruna, who fell off the bed in spectacular fashion.
“What the hell?” The forward screeched from her spot on the floor, but Vicky hardly spared her a glance.
“They are sleeping together!” She squealed with glee, and Jana ran over to her to clamp a hand over her mouth. Bruna stared up at her in shock, her affront completely forgotten given the situation at hand.
Jana deflated as silence descended on the room, and she let out a small breath as she gathered the fraying edges of her patience.
“I–” she stopped after a second, closing her eyes before she decided that honesty was the best route. “Yes, we are sleeping together.”
She closed her eyes, bracing herself for the onslaught of screaming, or a lecture, or something of epic proportions.
Only, it never came.
When she opened her eyes, both Vicky and Bruna were looking at her with excitement. Nothing over the top, just plain, clear happiness.
“You guys aren’t…losing it?” She approached gently, softening at the edges when the two looked at one another and laughed.
“Girl, you guys weren’t exactly being subtle. We’re happy for you! You deserve something that’s casual, no strings attached. Plus, Aggie is nice, and it doesn’t hurt that she is incredibly hot,” Vicky stated, leaving no room for argument.
Jana smiled at both of her friends in relief and reminded herself of what this was.
Casual.
Fun.
No expectations.
Don’t get attached.
So she didn’t let it mean anything to her, because it couldn’t. That defeated the whole point of the exercise. This was just another step to healing herself, and she wasn’t going to fail at it the way she failed to keep Jill happy.
She could be better, she knew it.
So when she said goodbye to Aggie and the other Chelsea girls on that last day, she put all thoughts of blonde hair and blue eyes to bed. The majority of them were off to play in the Euros, and they had a busy summer ahead of them. She shouldn’t be so caught up in a girl she barely knew just a week ago.
It didn’t explain why, inexplicably, her heart ached.
For what? She wasn’t entirely sure.
—
Playing with Spain was a strange form of torture for Jana.
It ached somewhere deep in her chest, right alongside the fear that she would never matter at Barcelona. She was leaving and knew that she needed to go, but somehow it didn’t make it any easier to say goodbye.
But here? When she played with Spain, watched her teammates fight and crumble around her, without being able to do anything about it? That was a different kind of pain. One that would follow her for the entirety of her career, however long that may be.
She was a good footballer; that she knew. Barcelona would never have moved her to the first team, never re-signed her, and she never would have received call-ups to the national team if she wasn’t good enough. But the familiar ache of never being enough seeped into her bones with far too much ease.
When the Euro’s final was over, England was crowned champion. Jana hardly played a minute all tournament, and the final was no different. After the game, she went around to her teammates to comfort and praise them. That was the very least of what they deserve after they had given everything to get the team here.
Jana, though it didn’t feel like it, had given everything to be here. Had set aside her pride, her frustration, her fears, to be here. To be present in the moment.
And still, it never felt like enough.
She found herself stepping away from it all, over towards one of the benches. She stared at one of the walls of the stadium from where the fans had already emptied, as though if she looked at it hard enough, it would have the answers carved into it.
Here lies the failures of Jana Fernández, for all to see.
“Hey.”
Jana took a stuttering breath as she turned, and she found that Aggie was standing just over her left shoulder. She wiped at the gathering of tears on her lower lash line, and shrugged rather awkwardly.
“Congratulations,” she tried, but it was flat and unconvincing. She didn’t mean it, didn’t mean to be cruel or insincere.
She was crying less about Spain’s loss than she was about her own shortcomings. But to say that felt selfish, in a time when she knew that was not what anyone needed or what anyone wanted to hear about.
So she shoved her feelings down and told herself that she could deal with them later. Even still, she knew that she was lying to herself.
“Hard to be too proud of myself considering how often I rode the bench,” Aggie’s voice was gentle and kind. She was making fun of herself, but in a soft way, with the right balance of sincerity and self-deprecation.
Jana hated herself for it, but it did make her feel better.
It was different, it was. Because Aggie was going to be something great, Jana was sure of it. She was not quite so sure about herself, though.
The laugh she let out was wet but real, and she watched as a smile overtook the English girl's face. Like that was all Aggie wanted.
She had just won a freaking gold medal, and still she came over here to talk to Jana. She could be off celebrating, cheering.
But that was just the kind of person Aggie was, she was coming to realize. Selfless to a fault.
“I can relate to that,” she replied, and the smile that danced on her lips was genuine. Aggie brightened considerably, and she stepped towards Jana. She lifted the silver medal that rested around her neck, ran her thumb over it several times, before she looked up at the Spaniard.
Jana’s breath caught when she realized how close they were standing together.
“You did a great job,” Aggie’s voice held nothing but seriousness, and she imbued her words with a sense of great truth.
“I hardly…” Jana trailed off as she watched the way that the blonde’s eyebrows knitted together.
She means every word she’s saying, Jana realized. It was not the same thing as someone saying empty nothings to provide platitudes. Even if Jana barely played, Aggie still seemed to understand that she gave this tournament everything she had to give. And she recognized that, Jana realized. Recognized her.
“Thank you,” Jana whispered, and it was barely audible, but the striker’s lips lifted just slightly in the corner.
She heard her.
“I hear you’re coming to England this season?” She asked, and Jana failed to hide her shock. She was trying to keep it quiet, and looked around to see if anyone else was looking at them.
But no, it was just Aggie. Just Aggie, who was staring at her as though she was the sun she revolved around. Her attention had one focal point, and it was the Spanish defender.
“How did you–” Jana stopped herself, her bewilderment clear.
A smirk slipped onto Aggie’s face, and it looked at home there. Not grandiose, exactly, just…comfortable. It suited her, the confidence she wore not like a skin but because it was her own. There was nothing but sincerity that radiated from her, and Jana tried to convince herself that it was not addictive.
“I have my sources,” she teased, and her eyes were practically twinkling. Jana shook her head, and a wobbly laugh came out of her.
“You’re such a tease,” she chuckled, somehow put at ease despite that Aggie just unearthed the big secret she had been keeping. “Yes, I probably am. But I do hope that stays between the two of us.”
Aggie brought a hand up to her mouth and dragged it across her lips as she mimed locking it and throwing away the key. Jana fought the smile that bubbled up onto her lips, and instead she squeezed her lips together.
“Maybe…well maybe if you’re in London, I can show you around? No pressure,” Aggie stated, and Jana believed her. There was too much candor in her eyes for Jana not to take her at her word.
“I’d like that,” Jana murmured, and Aggie smiled back at her as though she had given her the moon. The Spaniard tried to ignore the way her stomach flipped at the sight.
Someone from behind them called Aggie’s name, and she looked over her shoulder before glancing back at the Spaniard once more.
“I’ll see you around,” she explained, and Jana nodded her head once before the striker began to walk away.
She had just turned back to her own teammates when she heard Aggie yell for her.
“Fernández?”
Jana turned, her face open with clear surprise. Aggie lifted the medal around her neck before she pointed at Jana’s own.
“It suits you,” she called out, not caring who could hear her. “Next time, it’ll be gold.”
Not exactly the thing that should be said to a competitor, but Jana could kiss her for it. She could kiss her for the clear belief she had in her.
She couldn’t remember the last time someone believed in her so openly. She clung to it more than she could ever explain as she made her way back to her own teammates with renewed energy.
—
Jana ended up at Saint-Maxime in the south of France after the Euros. When her friends asked why she didn’t come with them to Ibiza on their group vacation, she told them that she just wanted some time to decompress, and partying didn’t really seem conducive to that.
She wasn’t sure that she meant crying in the apartment she rented for a full day…but at least she finally had somewhere for her emotions to go. Maybe sometimes decompressing meant allowing herself to feel whatever she needed to feel.
The Spaniard had thought that the time alone would give her a chance to recharge, to recollect herself. She knew the next few weeks would be hectic, between her announcement of joining the London City Lionesses, saying goodbye to Barcelona, and moving to an entirely new country.
But somehow, with all this time and space to breathe, she just felt…empty. As though someone had taken a spoon and carved out everything inside of her.
She’d spent years giving herself to everyone around her – her family, her dream club, her friends. And yet, it never quite felt like enough. She never did any of it ‘perfectly,’ and she always felt inadequate as a result.
Either she was unnecessarily involved or not impactful enough. She wasn’t funny like Vicky, Pina or Cata. She wasn’t as talented as Esmee or Salma. She lived in a world of in-betweens, surrounded by the giants, the stars. Players like Alexia or Aitana, who loved her, no doubt about that, but their very proximity made her feel small.
All she’d ever wanted was Barcelona.
It broke her heart to leave.
The thought of moving terrified her.
And yet…underneath all of it, that small flickering light of excitement of getting to be somewhere by herself stayed firmly lit. Somewhere where she wasn’t the sidekick or the player who rode the bench. Somewhere where she felt valued and needed.
While she had been valued at Barcelona, she was never really needed. And in her relationship with Jill, by the end, she felt neither of those things.
Nearly two years of her life, and the relief of it being over was enough to drag her to her knees. She couldn’t decide if she was thrilled or heartbroken, but by and large it leaned towards the former. Maybe sometimes she felt both, at times.
By the end, she wasn’t able to be herself, not anymore.
Jill expected her to carry the expectations and responsibilities that she did, all without ever stopping to ask her if that was what she wanted for herself. And so Jana had, dutifully, lovingly, without question.
Until she was thrown to the side with practically no remorse, left in the dust for some field hockey player whom Jill barely knew.
And yet, all of the anger that bubbled up inside her was directed at herself. That relationship, like her tenure at Barcelona, was something she had outgrown. She wasn’t all that upset at the fact that it had ended.
What she was upset about was how long she had let things go on without even stopping to realize how negatively it impacted her. She never stood up for herself, never advocated for what she needed. Not all of their problems were her fault, not by a long shot, but she also hadn’t set herself up for success either. And therefore, she couldn’t really find it within her to fault Jill, even if it still hurt. She just hoped that the field hockey player knew what she was getting herself into.
Ultimately, the breakup was like letting out a long sigh. Tedious but ultimately relieving.
Only two days into her vacation, and she was…bored and rather aimless. She had finally released the pressure valve of emotions that had been bottled up, and now she felt loose and largely unburdened. She had needed this, she knew that. But now that it had passed, she found herself looking to the next thing.
And right now, there was no next thing planned. It bored her more than she cared to admit, the thought of a vacation alone without any real social interaction.
She ended up in a little local market, with stalls set up along the street selling fish, vegetables, fruits,and handmade items. The brunette was only halfheartedly looking at the items as she wandered around, trying to think of what she should do that evening.
In between restaurant considerations, the Spaniard looked up and down the street.
And for just a second, she thought she saw a flash of blonde hair as someone turned the corner and out of her line of sight. She stopped and stood there for a moment before she began moving forward again.
“Aggie?” She called out, not sure what came over her to say it out loud like that. She was in a tiny town in the south of France, and the chances of the striker being here sounded absurd. It was absurd.
But she was breaking into a jog before she could stop herself, weaving in and out between people as she repeated the name, a little louder this time.
"Aggie?" She called once more, but she wasn't close enough to see if it really was the English girl.
She was all but flat-out running by the time she reached the end of the market, and she turned to the right just as she had seen.
“Aggie!” She exclaimed once again as she slowed to a stop. Hope jumped into her chest, and her heart beat in its rhythm.
Jana isn’t sure if she was sent by an angel, or what exactly had happened, but Aggie Beever-fucking-Jones turned around and stared back at her.
“Jana?” She asked as she shook her head slightly, as though her eyes deceived her. Clearly, she was just as perplexed as the Spaniard.
The brunette didn’t even bother with replying, and instead took off towards the striker. Aggie was prepared for her but still stumbled back under the force with which Jana ran into her, but her arms still wrapped around the brunette as she hugged her tightly.
“What are you doing here?” Jana asked, her arms still looped around the blonde’s neck as she refused to let go. Aggie just held her tighter, and Jana could feel more than hear the laugh that rumbled deep in the striker’s chest.
“I was going to ask you the same thing!” She exclaimed, and finally the two of them untangled from one another to look each other in the eye.
“Ona recommended it to me,” Jana supplied, and Aggie closed her eyes for a second as she bent over in laughter. She shook her head as she came back up, and her eyes twinkled mirthfully.
“Lucy recommended it to me,” she explained, and the pair of them couldn’t help the laughter that overtook both of them. It was utterly ridiculous and nearly statistically impossible, and yet. It felt strangely like fate, though Jana didn’t believe in such. Or maybe just meddling friends, in reality.
“Want to grab lunch?” Aggie asked, and Jana smiled easily as she agreed. They ended up in a little bistro, sat on the patio with a bottle of lemonade between them as they ate.
“How are you feeling about the move?” Aggie inquired, her voice carefully neutral. Jana sighed as she set her fork down so that she could properly answer. She gathered her thoughts before she spoke.
“Honestly? I’m nervous, sad, and excited. Probably more nervous than anything else?” Jana explained as she took another bite of her pasta. “I know I need to leave, I think it’s time, but it doesn’t mean I want to leave, if that makes sense.”
“It’s comfortable?” Aggie questioned, and Jana nodded her agreement at the word.
“It makes sense, considering that you’ve been at the club so long. I love Chelsea, don’t get me wrong, but you grew up at Barcelona.”
“I did,” Jana smiled to herself for a moment as she allowed herself to fall into the nostalgia of the statement.
“But there’s nothing stopping me from going back later in life, and I think that’s the only thing getting me through the stress of moving. So yeah, excited but mostly nervous is my final answer,” she said with a smile, proud of her answer. Proud of her honesty, when at times her knee-jerk reaction was to brush her feelings aside in favor of making her answer more controlled, more digestible.
But Aggie didn’t want that from her. She wanted the truth, no matter how messy or complicated that was.
“I get that,” Aggie nodded solemnly, and she paused for a moment before she continued.
“You’re forgetting about something to really be excited about, though,” Aggie said, her face filled with seriousness as she leaned forward.
“What?” Jana asked, leaning in further as well as her eyebrows furrowed together.
“Think of all the Tescos you can visit now,” Aggie whispered conspiratorily as her expression broke into a shit-eating grin.
“You’re so full of yourself, you know that?” Jana wheezed out, and the English girl’s corresponding smile was filled with far too much pride.
“Full of myself…completely correct…who’s to say?” Aggie asked, shrugging as she picked her fork up again triumphantly.
That was the thing about Aggie that Jana was still struggling to wrap her head around. How she transitioned so seamlessly from serious to funny to prideful. And she did it all with a smile on her face and the ease of someone who was far more emotionally stable than Jana had ever been.
“You’re not how I expected you to be,” Jana revealed after a moment, and Aggie cocked her head in response. She looked like a golden retriever puppy, her face open and trusting as she stared back at the Spaniard. Not put off at all by the randomness of the statement, just curious.
“I knew you would be funny and nice, don’t get me wrong. But you make it…so easy to talk about things and laugh about them at the same time? I don’t really know. It’s just…nice,” Jana finished lamely, and she looked down at her pasta in embarrassment. She did realize, after all, that it was a bit of a strange thing to say.
She couldn’t tell if it was a rude or off-putting thing to say to someone, but it was the truth.
Aggie reached forward to place her hand over Jana’s on the table. The brunette looked up, and there was no mirth, but warmth that stared back at her.
“Thank you,” Aggie said, her voice sincere and gentle. “That’s a very kind thing to say.”
“I think you should give yourself some credit,” the blonde added at the last moment, and Jana peered up at her with a quizzical look on her face.
“What for?” She questioned, and she genuinely did feel lost with that response. All she could think of was all of her shortcomings, all of the areas where she needed to improve.
“You make those around you feel comfortable and cared for, just by being yourself. And you’re easily one of the most honest people I have ever met,” Aggie explained, and Jana wrinkled her nose for a second at the praise.
“Really?” She asked, then cursed herself for being so obvious.
If Aggie was bothered by the question, she didn’t show it. Instead, she nodded, deadly serious.
“I don’t think there are many people who, if you asked them a question about something they’re nervous or uncomfortable about, won’t just immediately jump to say that it’s fine or going well or whatever. Even when we barely knew each other, and I asked you how you were feeling, you answered me honestly. You’re a lot more real than most people I’ve ever met. You don’t filter yourself when you are talking about your emotions, and it’s really refreshing,” Aggie continued.
Jana felt like all the breath had been sucked from her lungs. The last two years, two years spent with someone who, for their whole relationship, made her hide, bend over backwards to be subtle and diplomatic and presentable. To filter what she said under the pretense of not coming across the wrong way, or saying the wrong thing.
One single sentence from the striker breathed life back into her that she didn’t realize she was missing.
“Thank you,” she managed to choke out over the swell of emotions in her throat.
Aggie, as though she sensed her emotional surge, gently nudged the conversation away.
Lunch led into the afternoon, where the two of them wandered down to the water. They talked as they tanned in the sun. They traded stories back and forth well into the evening, and ended up at both dinner and back at Jana’s rented apartment.
The pair were sitting facing one another on the little loveseat in the main living space. Aggie had just finished telling her a story about a prank that she, Sam, and Guro had played on Sonia that left her in tears when Jana finally asked the blonde if she wanted to stay the night.
“How long are you here for?” Jana asked as she allowed her fingers to trail up Aggie’s bare arm, leaving a smattering of goose bumps in her wake. When the English girl responded, her voice was rather breathless.
“Two more days. You?” She inquired as she leaned in slowly. Jana smiled, low and wicked as she felt herself beginning to fill with want.
“Three more days,” she revealed, and Aggie pulled back slightly with a question written into the lines of her face.
“Want to spend them together?” She asked, as though it were the easiest thing in the entire world. As though it were just that simple, two people being together.
And maybe it was. Maybe Jana had spent two years of her life having to overcomplicate every last thing, to think of all the hypotheticals, the repercussions of every single little action.
Maybe she deserved something fun and easy and so uncomplicated she could just answer yes without even taking a moment to think about it.
“Hell yes,” she agreed as she crashed into Aggie. She nearly tackled the blonde back into the plush material of the couch, kissing her as she swallowed the laughter that Aggie let out in response.
If she could bottle that raspy, gorgeous sound, she’d let it replay every single day for the rest of her life.
—
Somehow, Aggie and Jana ended up in a boat, a cooking class, at least two other markets, and a pottery class, within the span of 48 hours.
When they sat down for dinner the night before Aggie was planning to leave, the English girl was sunburnt but endlessly happy. She’s loved getting to spend time with Jana on their holiday before the Euros, but the chance to learn more about one another without prying eyes was invaluable.
She really thought they were building something together, especially when she thought about the fact that Jana was moving to London so soon.
Jana was just setting her menu down when she noticed that Aggie was fiddling with the napkin in her lap. She clearly had something on her mind.
“What is it?” She asked, her voice gentle and soft, more inquisitive than anything else.
“Nothing I just…it’s been nice. The last few days, with you,” the striker admitted, and her cheeks flushed with warmth. But Jana’s smile in response was easy and agreeable.
“It has,” she replied, and Aggie felt her heart soar a little bit at the confirmation that the Spaniard felt what she did. That their relationship was growing, was headed somewhere now that they would be in the same place.
At the same time, Jana felt herself exhale. Aggie understood that this was casual, that they were having fun without expectations or prying eyes. Something that her friends would support.
“I suppose it’s good that now I know you’re a horrible cook,” Jana teased, and Aggie scoffed in disagreement as she looked at the Spaniard with mock-hurt.
“What are you talking about? My pasta was the best in the class!” She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in disagreement.
“If by best you mean lumpiest? Then yes,” Jana dug in, and she smirked when Aggie narrowed her eyes in annoyance.
“Oh, you’re a menace,” Aggie shook her head, and Jana tipped her head back as she laughed.
“Thank you for spending these last few days with me. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a while, the most relaxed I’ve been,” she replied, and Aggie peered up at her in surprise.
“Really?” She asked, disbelieving.
“Yes,” Jana confirmed emphatically. “You’re a really grounding presence. And sure, you’re fun and hilarious and hyper, but you’re so much more than that, too. I consider myself really, really lucky that I’ve gotten to spend this time with you.”
Aggie considered her for a moment. For a brief second, Jana thought she saw a shimmer of tears in the English girl’s eyes, but they were gone as soon as they appeared.
“Thank you,” she replied after a second, and when she shrugged, it seemed to carry more weight than it usually did.
“I feel like sometimes people are so quick to just see me as someone who laughs and jokes and plays the class clown, that they forget that's not all that’s there. I love making people laugh, but I want to be more than that, if that makes sense?”
“It does,” Jana affirmed as she listened carefully to everything Aggie was saying.
“You deserve to be surrounded by people who will laugh with you and take you seriously at the same time,” she continued, and Aggie settled as she nodded.
“That’s all I want, really,” she admitted, folding the napkin over her leg.
“Well, you’ve got it with me,” Jana confirmed, and Aggie glanced up at her in confoundment. She didn’t expect the Spaniard to so easily say that to her, a confirmation of what this meant to her.
She nodded slowly, feeling unable to speak on the topic further as she pivoted to something similar.
“When you get settled in London, do you want to get coffee?” Aggie asked, and she wasn’t entirely sure why her voice was so thready and breathless, but she couldn’t very well take it back.
She didn’t want to take it back.
“Yes, absolutely,” Jana replied, and the smile that corresponded with her answer lit up her entire face.
“And hey, if you need any help, you know who to call,” Aggie replied lightly, riding the line of seriousness and teasing that she balanced so well.
“No, no, I am sure everything will be fine,” Jana insisted as she turned back to her menu. All throughout the meal, dessert, the walk back to Jana’s rented apartment, the Spaniard could only think of one thing:
Aggie Beever-Jones was flawed in a painfully obvious way.
It sounded like a horrible thing to say, but Jana didn’t see it that way. She had just come off the back of a relationship with someone who had baked ‘serious’ into their every move.
Kind, but serious. She had a reputation to uphold, a goal to be a senior player and leader for her club and country. It worked for her; it was what she had wanted out of life.
For Jana, as her partner? It had been exhausting. The weight of expectations, the weight of privacy, the weight of finding the right balance of “private but not secret.”
They had genuine fights about that sort of thing.
Aggie was the complete opposite - cocky, arrogant, hilarious, thoughtful, warm, and affectionate.
She never tried to hide her flaws, laid them out in the open air as earnestly as humanly possible. For anyone to poke, prod, or question. She welcomed it, happy to explain herself but happier still to listen.
That was another thing Jana wasn’t expecting.
Aggie Beever-Jones was a phenomenal listener.