Chapter Text
Sangyeop still remembers about that day clearly. The weather might be great, but it’s not the greatest day of his life.
Sangyeop’s body still couldn’t cope with what just happened. Tears on his eyes fall as he sees a body lying in the middle of the road, blood coming out from the body’s head. People nearby that area started to gather around the scene.
Sangyeop tried to shake that body, in hopes that the person would magically wake up, even though he knows that the person won’t wake up, no matter how hard he shakes that person’s body.
“Youngchan…” His voice shakes.
Sangyeop tries to call his name, but there’s no response.
“Youngchan-ah, wake up… Please…”
The crowd around them buzzes in a distant blur. Someone is shouting for an ambulance, while some other is recording.
But Sangyeop hears none of it, only the sound of his own breath breaking apart, trying to keep that slightest hope alive.
“Shin Youngchan!”
And suddenly,
He gasps awake.
He sees nothing but the darkness of his room. The alarm sound echoing through the room beside him.
For a moment, he somehow still could feel the blood, the asphalt, the voices, all still clinging to him as if they followed him out of the dream.
He wipes his face with both his hands, the wetness of his cheeks transfers to his hands and turns to vapor in an instant.
It wasn’t just a dream.
It never is.
And no matter how hard he tries, he can’t escape from it.
Sangyeop reaches his hand to the phone on his side to turn off the alarm blaring through his room, his hands slightly trembling as he does it. He then just sits there for a moment, letting the silence of his room settle around him.
The room is silent, but his heart isn’t. His breathing is uneven, his chest still tight, as if the dream hasn’t fully let him go yet. The darkness somehow feels heavier than it should for a morning.
He forces himself to breathe in, breathe out. After a moment, he pushes the blankets off his legs, getting ready for his first day for the new semester.
***
His morning routine has been quite a mess this morning.
He spent most of his shower time zoning out, almost used a facial soap to brush his teeth, the t-shirt he wore was inside-out at first, forcing him to re-wear it correctly, and he somehow manages to make his morning toast burnt like a charcoal briquette.
After he’s escaped from his morning routine madness, he goes to his desk, packing up his items, and looks at the timetable he put up on the wall. His eyes focused on the first slot of today’s class list:
ART508 – Foundations of Visual Composition
He exhales slowly.
He still doesn’t know why he registered for that class.
The class looks great on the transcript, sure. A class where he can get a chance to “explore outside your field” and “helps build creative thinking,” things the course advisor said last semester. It even perfectly fits into the credit-hour requirement he needs to fill.
Or maybe because it’s the only elective that didn’t clash with the rest of his schedule.
But he isn’t great at drawing or painting. The most he can do is draw a circle, but that somehow ends up shaped like a potato.
And given what had happened to him earlier, he isn't sure if he’s ready to enter a new zone where he never thought he would enter, meeting with even more new people, when he didn’t even interact much with the people of his own major. His self-esteem feels like it has fallen through the floor.
He rubs his forehead.
Maybe he should’ve just tried to fit another elective.
Maybe this whole thing is a mistake.
But then, he remembers Wonsang’s bright, warm and annoyingly persistent voice from last week,
“Hyung, just try it! It’ll surely be fun! You need to find some things other than a bug! How about learning how to not make something that looks like a deformed onion!”
He had laughed it off back then.
At the time, it sounded like a good idea. But now, standing in front of his timetable…
Sangyeop isn’t sure.
He isn’t artistic.
He’s not feeling confident.
And he surely is not in a mood to embarrass himself in front of a bunch of strangers armed with sketchbooks.
Still… he already registered it.
And dropping the class means reshuffling his entire schedule.
He sighs again, deeper this time.
“Well, things have gone this way, let’s just do it” he says to himself.
***
By the time Sangyeop steps outside the dorm building, the morning air feels cooler than he expected. Not winter cold, just enough to remind him winter hasn’t fully passed yet. He takes a look around outside the dorm building. Students pass by in small groups, some having a small chat, some laughing softly, and some already buried in their phones.
He walks in with his hands tucked into his jacket pockets, eyes fixed ahead, letting the familiar path guide him. Along his path, he sees trees lining the walkway that are still mostly bare, thin buds clinging to the branches like trying to observe if it’s safe for them to start blooming now. He also sees some other students pass him in small groups, talking about classes, plans and some random things. Everyone seems to know exactly where they’re going, but Sangyeop? He’s on the way to enter new territory on the campus that he never thought of entering before.
After walking for a while, the familiar outline of the campus slowly fills his vision. The Fine Arts department building sits further ahead than other department buildings. Sangyeop keeps walking, his hands still buried in his jacket pocket, eyes fixed ahead.
Just as he’s about to stand in front of the Art department building, his phone starts ringing. He quickly fishes out his phone from his pocket to check it. All the worries from his mind seems to disappear as he was greeted by an incoming call screen:
[Incoming call from Wonsangie]
He quickly clears his throat, slides the answer call button and puts the earpiece speaker of his phone close to his ear. A faint smile appeared as he heard a bright smile coming from the other end of the line.
“Good morning Hyung!”
The moment Wonsang’s voice hits his eardrum, something in his chest loosens. Wonsang always had that effect on him.
For years, whenever Sangyeop hit the lowest point in his life, it was Wonsang who always appeared first, without any hesitation or question, just warm hugs and a shoulder he never failed to offer.
“Good morning.” Sangyeop tried to sound as bright as possible, hiding the messy thoughts he had earlier.
“You already outside?”
“Yeah. Heading to the class.”
“Yeah, I thought so.” Wonsang says. “Dorm life still treating you well?”
Sangyeop doesn’t reply.
Wonsang once offered him a spare room, but Sangyeop refused.
It’s not that he hates to live with him. He would really like to. But he just feels that Wonsang should also have some of his own time without always watching him 24/7. He doesn't want to make Wonsang feel like he’s Sangyeop’s babysitter. Plus, the dorm is quiet. Predictable.
He likes it that way.
“Why did you suddenly call me this early?” Sangyeop replied, after a moment of silence.
“Nothing. Just feel like you might need something to lift up your mood this morning.” Wonsang said those words in the brightest tone in the entire universe.
It’s ridiculous how Wonsang always knows when he needs someone.
Like right now.
It’s like if the guy has some superpower to sense Sangyeop’s bad days. More than once, Wonsang had dropped everything just to get to him. And right now, hearing his voice… yeah, it makes sense.
“I’m in front of the Fine Arts Department building right now. But, I’m not sure… Should I just drop out of that course instead?”
“Hyung, we’ve discussed about this before, haven't we? Don’t worry too much! I’m sure it would be great for you!”
Hearing those words, Sangyeop feels assured. He could feel that Wonsang is encouraging him, as if he’s trying to catch Sangyeop’s self-esteem from dropping to the ground.
“If anything happens, just let me know! We can figure out things together!” Wonsang continued, his bright tone as consistent as always.
“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”
“Hyung, if you’re free tonight, come by the café. I’ll make you something nice.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Great! Hyung, I need to go to my class right now. See you tonight then!” Sangyeop’s smile became much wider as he heard Wonsang’s excited voice.
“Okay, see you.”
Sangyeop then taps on the end call button, ending his conversation with Wonsang.
Sangyeop takes a deep breath.
“Okay, let’s do this.” He said to himself before taking his footstep inside the building.
The Fine Arts Department building is quite different from the Science Department building. Even though he never really paid attention to the building he usually walks in everyday, he still could feel some difference between here and the space he walks in everyday. On a single glance, it’s just another academic building, but there are some things that make a clear distinction between this space and the space he is already familiar with.
As soon as he entered the building, he could see the wall filled with various posters and student artwork, bringing lively color to the slightly faded wall paint. The air inside filled with faint paint and wood smell. He could also see a big window, allowing the sunlight to shine through the building.
Even though this space feels unfamiliar to him, it somehow brings some kind of comfort. He didn’t know why, but the smell of paint, the warmth of the sunshine basking in the building somehow calmed his heart, loosening his chest as if there’s something that gave him a warm hug.
Sangyeop wanders around the building, trying to find his class to no success. He even manages to circle around the same area three times before actually giving up and trying to ask the students he met nearby. After he finally arrives at the front of the right door, he checks the clock on his phone.
8:57 AM
Thank goodness he wasn’t late.
He then brings himself together, tidying up his clothes before entering the class.
The door creaked softly as he pushed it open, revealing a space that felt immediately different from the usual classrooms he was used to.
He scanned the whole room. The classroom is brighter than he expected. The sunlight from the half opened windows spills across the floor. It feels softer than the fluorescent lights he’s used to. The tables aren’t lined up in neat rows. Instead of tables with monitors and keyboards, he sees wide desks and empty spaces.
He steps slowly without him realizing. His eyes scans the whole room again for a place that he feels… safe. He chooses a seat near the side, further away from the center of the room. He then sets his bag down carefully, taking out a notebook and a pencil case and arranged it neatly on the table, as if trying to not take up too much space.
As a Computer Science student, the vibe around this room feels different to him. Instead of the sound of keyboard presses, he heard the sound of pencils gliding on the sketchbooks. The tables beside him filled with sketchbooks, pencils and other stationery, instead of laptops or desktop computers that sit fixed.
Sangyeop takes a deep breath and exhales slowly.
“It’s just a class, not a big deal. Just listen to the lectures, do the activity given and leave when the class ends.” He tells himself.
At 9 AM sharp, a female professor walked into the classroom, immediately silencing the casual chatter that surrounds Sangyeop.
“Welcome everyone, to ART508: Foundations of Visual Composition” the female professor announced, before scanning her eyes across the room.
The professor was a woman in her 30s, quite young for her position. She was dressed in a white dress shirt, coupled with dark brown trousers. Her black locks were pulled back in a low bun. If Sangyeop were to encounter her in the hallways, he could pretty much mistake her for one of the students.
“I’m Dr. Yoon, and before we begin, I’m going to briefly run through the syllabus for this elective class. You can refer to the slides that I uploaded…”
Dr. Yoon spoke at a leisurely pace with a friendly smile etched on her face. Sangyeop silently listened to the professor's speech, his focus switched between the professor and the slides at the front.
As Dr. Yoon was in the middle of her speech, the door suddenly burst open, a male student barging in the class in a hurry. That guy quickly bowed to Dr. Yoon to apologize.
“I’m sorry for being late!” Says the student, still bowing in front of the professor.
That voice somehow rings a bell to Sangyeop, but he wasn't sure where he heard it.
“What do we have here… Why are you late?” Dr. Yoon said, his face still maintaining that cool smile.
“I’m kind of lost on the way here. I’m so sorry. Can you please let it slide for once?” The student tried to beg for Dr, Yoon to let him go in a kid-like begging voice.
Sangyeop couldn’t see the student's face as he was completely facing away from him, facing the professor who sat on her seat in front.
“Okay, I’ll let you go this time. But, in exchange, you need to do a full introduction of yourself in front of the whole class.” Dr. Yoon replied.
“No problem!” says the student before turning himself towards the whole class.
At that moment, Sangyeop’s body completely froze, as if he had just seen a ghost in broad daylight.
“Hello everyone! My name is Shin Yechan, I’m a second year Fine Arts student. Nice to meet you all!” says that guy with a bright smile etched on his face while ending it with a sheepish wave. The whole class instantly clapped.
Sangyeop couldn’t believe what he had just seen. That guy’s face completely resembles someone who was once very close with him.
Someone who is no longer in this world.
Sangyeop’s chest tightens, his hands trembling. It feels like the universe is trying to play a joke on him.
No way… why does he look like…
“Okay, now take you seat”
“Yes, thank you prof!”
Sangyeop’s eyes opened wide, his breath became uneven as he saw Yechan walking toward him.
Yechan takes a seat beside Sangyeop, taking out a notebook, and pencil case from his bag before turning to Sangyeop to greet him.
“Hi, I’m Yechan! Nice to meet you!”
Sangyeop just froze. He tried to open his mouth but no sound came out.
“N- nice to meet you…”
That name keeps wandering on his head.
Yechan.