Work Text:
Mike
"Goodbye Mike"
I'm so stupid, I didn't even tell her I loved her. Did she know that I loved her? When she was brutally sucked into the abyss, alone at the edge of the universe. What was she thinking about when she...if she died. Did she think of me? Did she think of Max and their trips to Starcourt? Or Hopper, as much as a father as she could get. If anything he was my dad too, he had taken care of me more than the emotionless Ted Wheeler ever would.
Secretly and selfishly, I hope that I was her last thought, she would have been mine. Her smile, once so timid soon shined bright and full. Her beautiful voice saying my name with so much love I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Did she hear my screams of heartbreak as I grasped the air as if it could get me to the gate...to her. Or was she deafened by Dr Kay's machines? I really tried so hard to reach her, to feel her soft hair between my fingers but as I was dragged back by soldiers it felt so wrong. I felt so wrong.
Loving El had always came easy, although she was different she gripped onto our nerdy friendship group and held on tight until the end. Tears poured from my eyes as the gate closed off, my screams had stopped then. The silence was deafening and it didn't feel as though we had just saved the world. I didn't feel like Luke Skywalker as he defeated Darth Vader, rather I felt like Obi Wan being betrayed by Anakin Skywalker.
She didn't tell me about her plan, if she did I would have cherished those moments in the back of Murray's van so much more. I would have squeezed her hand tighter. I would have kissed her harder no matter what doubt I was feeling in my head. I would of-
"Hey Mike." A soft and hesitant hand rested on my shoulder, creating a bridging lifeline from my dark thoughts. I turned around to see Will, oh Will. He was crying too, like me. His bowl cut was messy and he had a scrape across his cheekbone but other then that he was here. Thank God he was here. I slowly stood up, getting off my knees. My eyes meet Will's. Just as I remembered, so blue they reminded me of ice yet they weren't harsh, maybe more like the thin sheet you get on a lake...what am I saying? He has nice eyes and although they were dimmed and exhausted I couldn't pull myself away from my best friend.
"Hi Will." My voice cracks with sadness as tears spilled from my eyes, "She's gone, she left me forever Will." My limbs feel heavy and I am stressfully aware of the risk that I might collapse from pure shock at any second.
With hesitation, Will opens his arms as if inviting me in. We have hugged before, if anything I think Will gives the best hugs. So I don't dare resist or hesitate. Walking into his arms felt so right, as though we were molded together from years of friendship. As I inhale the smell of cinnamon and paint, it remains strong after time travelling, it grounds me in a way I so desperately needed. But this time felt different, it felt more significant.
"I know Mike, but she saved us. She saved others from Dr Kay's experiment." His arms hold me tight as we sink down to the floor once again, I might as well sink into the dust now. It would feel better then this horrible feeling.
"But...We were meant to leave this town and see the world. The three waterfalls Will, the three waterfalls." My fingers cling onto his back and my head rests in the crook of his neck, despite being surrounded by military and guns, I feel safe. Also Nancy is a good shot so I can count on her to have my back.
I could feel his head nod, "Mike, I know how much this hurts now...But we need to get you off this floor and safe with your family, they are worried for you." My eyes peak from Will's shoulder, Nancy's face is drained of all colour whilst gripping Holly tightly. I take a look around at everyone and how could I have been so selfish? Everyone is grieving, Will is grieving his almost sister and yet he is remaining strong for me. Fuck I need to leave.
"I'm sorry. I am being selfish, we should go." I look at Will as we pull apart, our hands still tightly connected and warm. "You have family, I have family. I don't matter, oh God, Hopper has lost another daughter, I shouldn't be crying at all-"
"Hey Mike" A grounding voice begins. "Just breathe okay, you are brave enough to face this. Yes we all have families of our own but I consider you my family too, so you matter to everyone okay?" He scans my face, my lips, my nose, my eyes. "My mum is comforting Hopper, Lucas and Dustin are calming Max down...I've been assigned by my own choice to be with you."
"It hurts Will." I tell him, sobs rack through me, pain is plastered on my face and my heart aches not just for El but for all my feelings that are resurfacing with her disappearance too. "What do I do? My heart hurts Will. Am I dying?" It's not as peaceful as the bible says, but I secretly don't believe in it anyways.
"Shh shh Mike, you aren't dying..." He pulls me in again, he rests his head on top of mine as he soothes my arm. "It will feel terrible in this moment but I promise Mike, it will stop feeling so overwhelming soon."
"What if it goes on forever Will, will I feel like dying forever?" I don't know what prior knowledge Will has on grief, but he always has something smart to say. "No not forever Mike." Hopper's wails startle us and I inch closer to Will, he shields me from the shouting.
"I know you are the epic storyteller but mind if I make one up?" He wipes my tears and then his own, awaiting my response.
"Go ahead Will, maybe I should take up drawing instead." I try to joke but my voice trails off, Will smiles regardless. "You suck at drawing...Anyway, when I was in California, I had this philosophy teacher and no one would pay attention in his lessons but he continued to teach. I listened." He sniffs, wiping a quick tear and continuing.
"One lesson, towards the end of the week. He told the part of the class who was listening that losing something or someone doesn't mean that they are erased forever. They continue to live a life as full as yours as long as you keep their memory alive too. But he also said that when losing someone special, you will have good days and bad days. Days when you cry and cry and cry but also days when you remember something funny they said or you are with friends and you are sat down talking about your favourite moments together...so yes the pain will go on forever, but it wouldn't be constant as long as we chose to accept it."
I listen in shock and awe, "Maybe you should be a storyteller Will the wise."
"Thank you Michael."
"I get what you mean, about El. But I still think that...I will be sad for a very long time Will." My eyes grow foggy as a new bubble of memories and regrets sinks into my brain.
"I'll be sad for a long time too, but we can be sad together?" Will questions quietly, his blue eyes meet mine once again.
"Sad together, crazy together." I nod.
Another voice perks up from behind Will. "We need to get out of here, now boys." Joyce, her hand intertwined around Hopper's.
We get up and help a devastated Hopper to the car, he resists and we have to drag him away from the rubble where El disappeared four times. Off his knees twice and quieten his screams as Joyce worries for his vocal cords. Hearing Hopper cry adds more weight to my chest...Did El speak to Hopper? Did she sacrifice her last drop of power for me? Is it my fault that Hopper is spiraling and will he go back to his old ways?
Oh hell it's all my fault...I can't breathe.
"Mike." Nancy ushers me to the van. My feet feel heavy and I just need El, I think if I could cry forever I would. "Come on Mike, let's get you settled." She talks to me as if I am a baby in a meltdown, I hate it. I feel powerless right now. I have my entire life, when it comes to standing up to bullies or constantly being in the shadow of El and more recently Will the freaking Wise. "Do you need anything? I have water in my bag and Murray has snacks in the front glove pocket-"
"I'm not hungry." My voice doesn't sound like my own, more monotone like my fathers. I shudder at the thought as it overwhelms me quite suddenly.
"I need Will, Nancy. Just Will." I couldn't help myself, he has been the constant comfort since we met that day on the swingset. He was shy and timid just as he is now to anyone who didn't know him. But I know him, Will the wise. He was kind and generous and selfless and I secretly loved that he was quieter because that meant I didn't have to worry about him spilling all my secrets.
"Okay I'll grab him now, just stay still Mike." She squeezes my hand and jumps off the van with her gun still strapped around her neck, I wanted to tell her that the war is over and it's okay for her to put her guard down but I'm a hypocrite as I can still feel the outline of the stupid flare guns in my pocket.
The war will never be over, not in my mind anyway. I'll be thinking about this day for the rest of my life.
"Hey Mike."
"Hi Will.