Archive of Our Own

A sharp whistle cuts through the entire Castleteria, rendering everyone silent. A metal fork clatters to the ground. Someone coughs. Another sniffles. All eyes are turned towards the front, where Madeline Hatter and Apple White are standing. Each holds a microphone, Apple with a red accented one, while Madeline holds a purple accented one. Both have the letters EAH in gold on them.

Madeline taps the mic, causing low, deep, bop, bop, bops to echo throughout the room. "Hellooo?" She says, speaking into it. "Is this thing on? Wow, these new microphones are hat-tastic!"

Perhaps she had spoken a little too loudly, and a little too closely, because a high-pitched ringing noise howled through the speakers, making some students shout and cover their ears.

She smiles sheepishly. "Oops," She says, making the same mistake again. Someone groans this time. "Sorry! I think they're working though–"

Apple cuts her off, placing a hand on her arm to lower the microphone away from her mouth. She laughs with good nature, though, not minding the other girl’s ramblings.

"–Thanks for trying that out, Maddie," She says, speaking into her own mic. She's careful to not imitate Maddie's actions, however.

Maddie nods approvingly at her and grins widely.

"Anyways," Apple continues, looking out into the crowd. Her eyes glisten with excitement. "as your co-presidents–" Apple gestures to herself and the hatted girl beside her, "–Maddie and I have decided to do something fun during lunch in honor of Thronecoming week!"

After the Thronecoming they've had in Legacy Year, Apple is determined to make this one go as smoothly as possible.

She nods to Maddie, who giggles, immediately taking off her hat and balancing it on top of her microphone.

Apple winces as she watches Maddie shuffle through her hat, the microphone amplifying the noises. She grins awkwardly at the crowd as exactly two bell rings, five chimpanzee shrieks, and several sounds of glass shattering emit out. Oh, and don't forget the squelching too.

"Maddie," Apple whispers through clenched teeth, "Maddie, hurry up!"

"Hold your horses," Maddie says. "Hold this horse, please.” She pulls out a gigantic pink-colored horse plushie, holding it out to Apple.

Apple falters for a second, before reluctantly taking it and attempting to fit it in her arms. Her entire face is squished into it, and she can barely see around it.

Someone snorts in the crowd– it was either someone laughing or one of the Three Little Pigs. Maybe it was one of the Three Little Pigs laughing! Apple can't tell, she can't see after all. She has no choice but to squeeze her eyes shut in impatience.

More noises erupt out of Maddie's hat. Glass shattering, a chicken bawk, two chicken bawks, is that a piano smashing?

"Maddie," Apple whispers again, opening her eyes. She feels like the horse is about to tip her over. "Maddie, did you lose it?"

"I didn't lose it," Maddie says, continuing to dig into the hat. "It’s just displaced! I put it under the horse, but it seems as if Earl Grey has put it inside of the horse!”

"What?"

"Hold the horse, please."

Apple blinks and stretches out her arms to hold the horse out to her.

Maddie places her hat back on her head and moves the mic to her other hand as she uses the one that had been holding it to reach inside the horse's mouth.

She sticks her tongue out, humming.

"See, it's just right about... here!" Maddie pulls out two large stacks of notecards. One is completely white and the same sizing, tied up neatly with a red rubber band. The other is an assortment of mismatched colors of the rainbow and sizes, tied up with a gigantic blue and purple polka dotted ribbon.

"Keep holding that horse, please," Maddie says, keeping the two stacks of notecards in one hand, and the microphone in the other, while grabbing her hat off her head once more and crouching down and positioning it underneath the horse.

"No need to hold your horses anymore, Apple!"

Apple nods and drops the stuffed animal. It somehow slides into the hat easily, immediately disappearing in a blink.

"...Right," Apple says, taking the neat, white-colored cards from Maddie. She clears her throat and smooths out her hair, trying to gather herself. She speaks into her microphone. "As I was saying, in honor of Thronecoming week, we decided what better way to get our school spirit high than a royally spellbinding raffle?"

Maddie laughs, also speaking into her mic– properly this time– "Yup, yup! And all you have to do to enter is to answer our riddles–"

Apple hums, "...Mm, they're more of just questions–"

"–Oh. My riddles and Apple's questions!"

Apple smiles. "Yes! Now, since it is for school spirit, all of these are questions that have to deal with academics and school-related topics–"

“–They are?"

Apple lowers her microphone and glances at Maddie with a concerned look. "...I thought I said to find questions relating to school?" She whispers.

Maddie flips through her cards, stopping at a yellow one. "Does, 'At what precise angle do you have to tip a teacup to get it to pour hexactly through that small hole in the girl's bathroom ceiling located on the second floor, second bathroom after the first stairs, third stall to the left of that one sink that only runs cold water?' count as a question?’” Maddie whispers back, reading off the card.

Apple blinks, dazed. "The... the hole is in the ceiling; how do you tip a teacup upside-down?"

"Negative degrees, silly! Forty-five, to be hexact!" She gasps and covers her mouth with the hand holding her cards. "Well, can't use that one anymore, I just spoiled the answer!" She throws the first card off the stack, landing it perfectly into poor Blondie Locke's bowl of porridge.

"Oh, that is so not right..." Blondie mumbles.

Apple shakes her head, ignoring what just happened, bringing her microphone to her mouth. "So, for every question you get right, you get a ticket to write your name on! Then, just place it into Maddie's hat, and at the end of the game we'll draw from it to see who gets to win a spelltacular prize!"

She smiles. "Any questions?"

Faybelle Thorn raises her hand and yells out, "Yeah, what's the prize?"

"That's the fun part!" Apple says. "It's a mystery!"

The Castleteria bursts into excited chatter and murmurs.

"Alright," Apple speaks loudly into the mic, causing the talking to simmer down. "First question! When the school was first founded, creatures of all sizes helped build the school– from ones as small as a itsy bitsy spider, to as big as a giant! However, during construction, there had been a certain incident that almost caused them to start all over. One of the gardening gnomes had brought a flower to plant around the school that one of the giants was horribly allergic to! The giant nearly huffed and puffed and blew the whole school down, but thankfully, they managed to guide the giant safely away, and get rid of all the flowers before that could happen."

Apple looks down at her cards. "Was the flower, A; a crystal crested marigold; B, a dancing dandelion; or C; an opera singing orchid?"

She looks back up, looking for any raised hands. There was none. In fact, there was nothing but hushed whispers and giggles. 

"No one?" Apple says, "Come on, give your best guess!"

A long, loud, guitar shriek echoes throughout the Castleteria.

Apple winces as she realizes it's Sparrow Hood standing on top of his seat, strumming his trusty guitar that he always carries around.

"YOOOO! THIS QUESTION IS ROYALLY WACK, BRO!" More shredding, and Apple has to cover her ears. "BUT I SAY IT'S A–"

He gets cut off before he can finish stretching out his answer by Duchess Swan, who pulls him down into his chair, making him almost stumble to the ground.

Apple slowly releases her ears. "Uh, thank you, Sparrow, but unfortunately that's wrong. Also, please refrain from shouting out the answer, answers will only be accepted from raised hands."

"MAN, THAT'S–"

Again, Duchess shuts him up, this time by shoving a sandwich into his mouth. He seems to get the message and pulls it out of his mouth after he had taken a huge bite, chewing slowly, then swallowing and grinning.

A shaky hand rises out from the crowd.

Apple's face lights up in relief and she quickly skips over to the hand, where Maddie is somehow already there, popping up from behind the hand's owner, Raven Queen.

And yes, she is laying on the table, her foot almost smashing into Hunter Huntsman's gravy.

Apple can hear Raven mumble something as she arrives. "...Guess I'll try...?"

Maddie shoves the microphone into Raven's face, who almost falls back in surprise, but regains her stature and smiles nervously.

Maddie gets close to the microphone, in effect also getting close to Raven, and starts speaking, "The early bird gets the worm by being the first to fly the coop with outstretched wings! What is your answer, Raven Queen?"

"Remember, luckily, you have two choices left!" Apple reminds her. "B; a dancing dandelion, or C; an opera singing orchid?"

"Uh..." Raven says, her voice unsure as she speaks into Maddie's mic. "...I'll just take a wild guess here... Is it C?"

"Ooh–" Apple winces and manages to start speaking at the same time that Maddie pulls out an extremely large, bright red button out from her pocket that, when she presses it, emits a loud BUZZ. "–That's too bad! Unfortunately, the correct answer was actually B; a dancing dandelion! Fun fact, the answer should've been easy to lower down to one answer; orchids are perfect for people with allergies, including those with large sinuses!"

Apple doesn't seem to notice the way her words stabbed Raven's heart.

“...Easy?” Raven says weakly, though she has an amused smile on her face.

As Maddie pops up to stand next to Apple, about to read her own card, Apple turns to her, whispering a question. "How did you know that was the wrong answer?"

"Well," Maddie says, quite matter-of-factly, "It's obvious! Opera singing orchids would be too loud to have at school!"

Maddie doesn't whisper, accidentally speaking into the microphone. Her words pierce through Raven's already stabbed through heart. Now she’s hanging her head in shame.

"Oops!" Maddie says, looking towards Raven. "Sorry, Raven! I can see why it would make sense in your head, you love singing!"

Raven laughs.

Maddie reads from the next card in her stack. It's a light pink card, with purple ink scribbled all over it. “Here we are in a palette of colors, but to make a painting is no easy task to do; it takes more than ten fingers, of course, to trace all the hues. Handle the paints with care, and most of all to green that makes clean edges. Who do we grip with stable hands?”

A hand immediately goes up. It's Alistair Wonderland, who has a bright smile on his face and a mouth that's ready to burst.

Maddie reciprocates his smile, and with a hop, jump, and a skip, she slides in between Alistair and Bunny Blanc, who is sitting right beside him. She throws an arm around each of their shoulders, bringing them in closer around her. Her microphone is next to Alistair's mouth.

"What do you say, Alistair, acclaimed ‘riddle-master?’" Maddie says.

"I know this one," He says, starting to babble on, his excitement clearly getting to him. “I'm not very good with a lot of the faculty’s names yet, but–” He looks at Bunny, speaking to her, “–Do you remember that one night we skipped–” He freezes.

Gulping, he looks up nervously to where the headmasters, Milton and Giles Grimm are standing on the balcony overlooking the entire Castleteria. Where Milton Grimm is eyeing Alistair carefully.

“...Uh! I mean– that night we were totally allowed to go out, and we went through the courtyard?”

“Oh, I remember!” Bunny says, her nose twitching. “We nearly ran into the gardener!”

“Yes, and his name is…”

 “...Groundskeeper Green Thumb!” They say simultaneously.

"Wow!" Maddie says, jumping out from in-between them. All of a sudden a bright green button appears in her hand. A nifty, little white checkmark is printed on it. She slams down on the button and a cheerful DING emits out. "Wonderlandiful! You guys got it! Double the effort means double the tickets! A ticket for both of you!"

She pulls out two tickets from her pocket and hands it to Alistair. They're a yellow color, a pale, banana-like color. They're also blank, except for red lines decorating the front and back. Earl Grey pops out of her hat, throwing him a blue pen.

He grabs it, writes his name on one ticket, and Bunny's on another. Maddie immediately scoops up the tickets and the pen as soon as he finishes, handing it back to Earl Grey, who disappears into her hat along with the items.

"Give it up for our first right answers of the game!" Maddie cheers.

Claps fill the room and Maddie appears behind Raven once more. "And our first wrong answer of the game!"

Confused claps fill the room and Maddie appears near Sparrow. "And our first not-answer of the game!"

Sparse, hesitant claps fill the room. Except for Sparrow's own claps. He was clapping for himself. Rather loudly. And while still chewing on that sandwich.

Maddie hops back to Apple, who smiles at her. "Good idea, Maddie, we should do randomized ticket amounts to make it more exciting." She pauses for a second, thinking. "Though, that question–"

"–Riddle."

"–Right... What hexactly did you ask in that riddle?” Though the answer was a faculty member at the school, Apple isn’t sure how well Maddie understood her criteria.

"Oh, don’t you worry your head off, silly Apple!” Maddie says. “To not only hear, but listen, requires much more than your ears, so make sure to keep it on!”

Apple sighs, not wanting to push the conversation, and looks down to read her next card. Funnily enough, it was also a question that had the answer of a staff member’s name. At least Apple can understand her own question, though.

"What faculty member, currently at the school, had once tried to fit an entire rotisserie chicken into their mouth as a dare, but it was so difficult that they had spat it out accidentally, sending it flying into a bubbling cauldron and caused the chicken to mix with the solution inside, reanimating and multiplying it tremendously, in which the incident is now named The Great Chicken Infestation?"

"A question I don't know!" Maddie remarks.

A couple of hands go up.

Apple looks at Maddie, unsure of who to choose.

"I got this, Apple!" She exclaims.

Maddie starts going around the Castleteria, where hands were raised– from Melody Piper to Ramona Badwolf– going, "Eeeny, meenie, miny..." She jumps up next to Cerise Hood. "...you!"

Cerise nearly stumbles out of her seat, quickly gripping the edges of her hood. "...Uh, my hand wasn't even up, Maddie," She says.

Maddie pouts. "But, Cerise! It landed on you!"

"...Okay..." Cerise shifts her eyes nervously, but she eventually gives a small smile, clearly relaxing. "...Is it... Badwolf?"

Maddie blinks.

She looks at Apple, who gives her a small nod.

She starts running around, hitting the green button. DING, DING, DINGs ring out, and she giggles as she runs. "Wow! Wow! Wow! What a lucky guess, Cerise! How did you ever guess that?"

"And that is another right answer!" Apple exclaims out. "Great job, Cerise! You'll be getting..." Apple looks over to Maddie– who, despite still in a frenzy, ding, ding, dinging still filling the air–takes notice and slides to a stop.

"...Four!" Maddie says. "Four tickets!"

Maddie hands her four tickets, then swiftly throws them into her hat after she had written her name.

"I'll tell Earl Grey to make a four-ticket clover out of that one!" Maddie says.

She somersaults back to Apple's side, and as she stands upright, she holds her mic to her mouth and her cards to her face. She squints, reading her next card- which is bright red this time.

"When the time is nigh, and the noon is high, it's the perfect time to shine to those that are nearby! To make your sword glisten and gleam many may find it to be a quite pressing task, but you must find the best way to last when noon is masked with the urge to bask in the victory you may find soon if you rear. What path of oil do you toil?"

Maddie looks up from the card, glancing around the Castleteria.

It takes a couple of seconds, but two hands go up from two sides of the Castleteria.

"Two hands and two announcers!" Maddie says. "Apple, it's time for a double response show-down! Choose your partner!"

Before Apple could possibly ask what she means by that, Maddie runs off to meet one of the hands– a strong, muscular hand belonging to Chase Redford.

Apple gets the hint and scurries off to the second hand– a, not as muscular-looking, yet just as strong nevertheless– hand belonging to Darling Charming.

Apple gives her a small wave, and peers over to where Maddie is, standing next to Chase like Apple is to Darling.

Apple raises her eyebrow at Maddie,  in which Maddie keeps her blank, smiling face back as they interlock eyes.

It's almost like Apple’s look was directed towards Chase instead, because instead of Maddie showing any response back, he's the one to give Apple a confused look.

Apple blinks and looks at Darling, who is looking at her with an equally as confused face.

Apple finally looks back at Maddie, slowly lifting her mic to her mouth. "...Are you going to–"

Something about Apple speaking flips a switch in Maddie, and she immediately jumps up, turning to Chase, sticking the microphone in his face.

"Chase, Chase, it’s time to make haste!” Maddie says, “What is your answer, my dear friend?”

Chase chuckles, leaning into the mic. “Clearly it’s Mr. Whiting’s Oil, only the best for all your sword polishing needs. I use it to win all my swordfights.”

Apple tilts her head, still trying to understand exactly what Maddie asked. She guesses it was something about polish and sword duels, but Apple can't piece everything together– 

She suddenly feels a tap on her shoulder, and she looks down to see Darling looking up at her with wide eyes. 

Apple cocks her eyebrow, before the realisation hits her. Maddie wanted them to debate.

She breaks out into a smile, sustaining her laughter. She can see Darling’s eyes start to light up, the way it does when she’s passionate about something. Lowering the microphone down to Darling’s mouth, she nods at her in encouragement. 

Darling speaks softly into the mic with a shy smile. “Be serious, Chase. The answer is Mr. Blacking’s Oil.”

Maddie hums loudly. “Two answers, yet neither without a base! How can anyone expect to stand tall with weak knees?”

“I get it,” Apple whispers to Darling, pulling the microphone away from their faces so as to not be heard, “Classic argument structure; never forget your evidence!” She chuckles, talking mostly to herself now. “I guess Maddie did make them academic.”

“...Evidence?” Darling wonders out loud.

Apple nudges her arm, winking at her. “Remember that one fight you had with him that you told me about?”

“Oh!” Darling says, and immediately her feet start to subtly bounce against the floor.

Apple puts the microphone back up to be in between her and Darling. “Chase, do you remember when we sparred last week,” Darling says, “and you complained about how light got in your eyes? That was because of the polish on my sword, was it not?”

Chase scrunches his nose. “You can’t make an assumption like that!” He says. “There was light in the sky, and light from my sword. What if I was complaining about the light reflecting off of mine?”

Darling smiles, in a way that seems all too polite and mischievous at the same time. “Even if you were,” she says, “you still lost that spar.”

Maddie giggles. “A beast as fast as a flash cannot control its own recklessness, and if you so happen to stumble into its path, it holds no hesitation to strike! But who’s really at fault: nature or the tamer?”

Apple blinks, completely lost.

Darling seems to think about what Maddie had said for a moment, before nodding slowly. “What Maddie said, Chase. If your sword self-sabotages you like that, then your polish is no good.”

Chase frowns. He opens his mouth, then closes it.

Maddie grins, speaking, “...Aaand that’s one…! After one…! Three!–”

“W-Wait!” Chase stammers.

Maddie lifts the microphone back to her mouth, speaking in a suspenseful low tone. “Can he do it, fellow fairytales? Can Chase Redford win the Great Debate Dispute?”

“I… Uh…” Chase says, as Maddie pushes the mic back towards him. He looks right at Darling. “Tomorrow. You and me. At the field. Duel–”

Apple ahems loudly into her microphone. Chase freezes, blinking naively at Apple.

Apple looks warily up to where the headmasters are standing. Giles has an amused grin plastered on his face while Milton stares with a slight frown.

She slowly turns to glance between Darling and Chase. “...May I remind everyone,” She says sternly, “that everything we say and do is under strict surveillance while we are in the Castleteria?”

Darling chuckles beside her and Apple can see Chase’s face light up in realization before he scratches his neck sheepishly.

“Uh,” Chase says. “I thought a rule was that any fight labeled as a dispute can be resolved by any D’s in argument, you know: duels, dogfights, dust-ups–”

“–Chase,” Darling says sympathetically. “Those are Wonderland High’s rules.”

Chase sighs, mumbling into the mic disappointedly. “I always get them mixed up…”

Apple looks to Maddie. “The winner, Maddie?” She asks.

“Drumroll, please!” Maddie says.

As soon as she says it, the whole room erupts; people slam on the tables, causing glasses to fall over, spilling water, juice, and milk on the ground. Food splatters off of trays, flying into people’s faces. Some people had to wipe their glasses clean.

Others decide to stomp on the ground, causing seats to rattle and bounce.

The sound quakes the ground, vibrating in everyone’s ears like an unholy marching band combined with laughter and shouting.

Even Earl Grey comes out of Maddie’s hat to pat on it.

“And for the best argument…” Maddie says, her voice overpowering the rumble. It slows down to a stop as Maddie continues, “...the winner is Darling!”

She, again, whips out that trusty, bright green button and hits it several times. DING, DING, DING!

People start hollering, saying their “Woo-hoo’s!” and “Go, Darling’s!” of cheer. Some clapping can be heard, and Darling laughs.

Rosabella Beauty, sitting next to her, nudges her with her elbow while grinning at her.

Chase just shoots a smile at Darling, accepting his loss. Courtly Jester, sitting next to him, seems to be snickering at him, most likely teasing him.

Apple laughs as she lifts the microphone up to her face. “...Wow, great job, Darling!” She says. “How many tickets does that earn, Maddie?”

Maddie taps her chin with her finger of the hand that’s holding her cards.

“For such a tea-rific debate, I will let Chase decide!” Maddie says, thrusting the mic towards him again.

Chase looks a bit surprised for a second before grinning. “Uh… Five?”

“Five!” Maddie hollers. “Five tickets for Darling!”

She looks at Chase with a huge smile. “And for such a generous amount, the kindness repays! Two and half tickets for you, Chase!”

Apple makes a confused face. “Two and a half?–”

Apple watches as Maddie pulls out three tickets from her pocket. She lifts them up, to her hat, where Earl Grey is. He grabs one in the middle by his mouth, tugging it until it rips in half, then retreating back into her hat.

Apple and Darling look at each other, giving an amused smile, when suddenly Maddie pops up in between them.

“...And your five tickets, Darling!” Maddie says, shoving them into her face.

Darling nearly falls into the table, quickly grabbing the tickets before they fall onto the ground. She breathes out with wide eyes, clearly surprised, before sheepishly smiling at Maddie as she grabs the pen that Maddie offers to her in her hand.

She quickly scribbles on her name, making looping motions with her hand, then gives everything back to Maddie.

“Next question!” Apple reads from her cards as she and Maddie walk to the middle of the Castleteria. “The first of King’s laws dealing with the magical branch of the scientific field is that sorcerous energy can never be created out of thin air nor ever be completely destroyed, but only be converted into other types of spells and magic. This is saying that within any system of magic, being the caster and the spell, the energy was transformed from and to something else. What is the name of this law?”

Apple looks up from her cards, a bright smile on her face.

It drops when she sees no one raising their hand.

“Really?” She says. “No one? Again?” She looks at Raven. “Not even you, Raven?” 

Raven coughs, as if she was close to choking on the bite she had just taken of salad. “M-Me? I, uh…” She smiles meekly. “...No?”

BUZZ! Goes Maddie’s button.

“Faybelle? Farrah?” Apple says, trying to ask a few magic users. Maddie pops up to Faybelle first to put a microphone in her as Apple says, “None of you? Really?” 

She can see Faybelle rolling her eyes. “Isn’t it, like, the First Law of Pyromaginamics?”

BUZZ!

“What?!” Faybelle shrieks. “What do you mean that’s wrong?” She says, beating her wings behind her. 

“You were so close, Faybelle!” Apple says. “That’s too specific, actually, I’m looking for a more… generalized law. So, in a way, I guess you, uh, overachieved?” She smiles apologetically at her, trying to soften the blow.

Faybelle is about to retort back, but Maddie giggles. “An overachieved answer deserves an overachieved ticket!” Maddie announces. “Bring out the ticket, Earl Grey!”

Earl Grey appears at the top of her hat, trying to yank something out of it. Whatever it is, it’s something that seems to have gotten stuck in her hat, as Earl Grey heaves, and heaves, and finally jerks it out of her hat, nearly toppling himself right over the edge.

It’s a giant ticket. Nearly the size of Apple’s forearm. 

Maddie gladly takes it from him, giving it to Faybelle who stares at it for a moment.

“Does this give me extra points?” Faybelle asks.

“Nope!”

Faybelle slumps in her seat and quickly writes her name on it, giving it back to Maddie afterwards. “Whatever after,” She huffs.

After Maddie stuffs it into her hat, she jumps onto Faybelle’s table, nearly spilling over Ginger Breadhouse’s chocolate milk, and table-hopping over to Farrah’s table right next to it to place the mic in front of her now.

“Um…” Farrah says, sheepishly tapping her nose. “...I’m not sure if I’m remembering the name right either….”

BUZZ!

“Aw, come on, you guys! We learned this in spellementary school!” Apple says.

Faybelle groans again, causing Maddie to sprint back to her.

“That was sooooo long ago.” Faybelle says.

BUZZ! BUZZ!

Faybelle glares at Maddie, who either doesn't seem to notice or doesn’t care.

“I know what it’s called!” A mischievous voice says.

Apple’s heart nearly jumps out of its ribcage as she turns around to see Kitty. Or, well, her smile, at least.

“Kitty!” Apple says, holding her heart as the rest of Kitty appears. “Y–You do?” She says, her face lighting up.

“Yup!” Kitty says. She leans in close to the mic, her voice smooth and slow like a purr. “It’s called the Law of Conservation of Magical Energy.”

Apple moves her hands as if to clap happily, although her hands are full. “Yay! Good job, Kitty! You got it!” She exclaims.

Maddie laughs, bouncing over to them. She nearly runs Kitty over, trying to engulf her in a hug, who hisses as she pushes her off.

DING! DING! DING! The other button sounds.

“Three people wrong,” Maddie says, “so three tickets! Tickets for you!” She throws them at Kitty.

Kitty's coy smile somehow grows even more on her face. “Do you mind if I keep these for a while?” She asks. “I just want to make sure my name is hextra neat on them.”

Maddie and Apple look at each other. Maddie blinks.

“Sure!” Maddie says.

“Thanks!” Kitty sings, vanishing away with a grin.

“Uh…” Apple says. “...Okay! Your turn, Maddie!”

Maddie smiles, throwing her cards in the air, then catching them all in one big swoop, shuffling them as she hums a cheerful tune. She bounces over to Cedar Wood, shuffling until she comes to a stop in front of her.

Splaying her cards out to Cedar, she gives her a wink, and says, “Pick a card, any card!”

Cedar chuckles and grabs one in the middle, the one colored a pleasant lime green.

Maddie shoves her microphone into Cedar’s hand and whips around, facing away from Cedar. She covers her eyes.

“Read it!” Maddie tells her.

“Uhh, okay,” Cedar says, holding the microphone up to her mouth and the card to eye-level.

Apple watches with a curious tilt as Cedar reads the card out loud, some of the kids sitting near to her– Daring Charming and Justine Dancer– lean over her wooden shoulders to peek at it.

“Tell me what I am, for I do not know,” Cedar says. She looks up quizzically. “Is that it–”

Cedar looks up to see Maddie acting wildly, flopping on the floor like a… fish? No, like a snake wiggling? Or, maybe a pig rolling in the mud? Whatever she’s doing, she’s on the ground doing it. Delighted giggles from their classmates fill the air.

Cedar looks confused for a moment before she smiles ever so slightly, her face creaking just a bit. “Charades?” Cedar asks.

Maddie springs up, nearly having a great fall into Humphrey Dumpty behind her, and nods violently at Cedar while keeping her mouth shut.

Cedar looks between Daring and Justine who are laughing as Maddie goes back into acting, now moving as if she’s being scrunched around, twisting and turning herself in seemingly impossible ways until she ends up on the floor, curled into a ball. Apple can’t help but laugh a bit too.

“...A piece of clay?” Cedar asks.

Maddie frowns, then starts to move her arms as if she’s flying.

“A butterfly?”

Maddie gives her an offended look now, her eyebrow raised and her nose scrunched. She waves her hand, as if telling Cedar to start over. She gets down on all fours, moving smoothly as if she were a worm– though she suddenly shrieks and falls over on the ground on her back, swaying side to side as if there was a heavy weight on her back preventing her from getting up.

Cedar looks at her, then her face begins to light up, breaking out into a huge smile now. “Are you a caterpillar with a big hat?”

Daring laughs beside her. “What, and that's what's weighing the caterpillar down?”

Maddie stops and grins at both of them, giving them a thumbs up, and waving her hand around in a circular manner to tell them to continue.

Daring snorts now. “I see! And what a mighty fine hat it is, perhaps the caterpillar has a fancy tuxedo and tie to go along with it?”

Maddie giggles, standing up. She starts marching in place, one hand behind her back, and the other placed elegantly on an invisible cane. She stops to fix an invisible tie on her neck, before breaking out into a panic and checking her wrist as if for the time.

“Ah,” Justine adds, “but it seems like this caterpillar is late for something important! A fancy gala or dance, perhaps?”

Maddie starts to run in place, huffing and puffing, keeping a hand held over her head.

“And the caterpillar certainly wouldn’t want to lose their hat!” Cedar says.

Maddie screeches to a stop, panting as she pretends to catch her breath.

“The caterpillar is victorious in their journey!” Daring announces.

Suddenly, Maddie wears an offensive look on her face, beginning to pretend to argue, waving her hands around and moving her mouth aggressively– yet still keeping quiet.

“Oh, no!” Cedar says. “But they’re still late! They aren’t allowed into the dance!”

Maddie gets on her knees, clasping her hands as she pretends to cry.

“Yikes,” Justine says, “and they’re really desperate, they’re begging to be let in! I wonder what’s so important about this dance?”

Cedar giggles. “Maybe a date is waiting for them?”

“How unchivalrous of them to show up late to a date, even more so not at all!” Daring says. “They’ll have to sneak in if they want to make any sort of amends!”

Maddie gets up and starts to slump away in the opposite direction that she was facing earlier before stopping to ponder.

“But how can they do that?” Cedar says.

“Easy! By creating a distraction!” Justine replies.

Maddie pretends to kick something over, then runs to pretend to duck behind something. After a few seconds, she jumps out and sprints to another spot before looking around glumly.

“The caterpillar made it in!” Cedar laughs. “But where is their date?”

Maddie’s face breaks out into a shining smile, and she runs in place and pretends to go for a hug to someone.

“How uncharming!” Daring complains. “To be late for a dance and immediately go in for a hug? Where is the apology?”

Maddie suddenly jerks her head, her body following soon after, turning like a floppy piece of paper until she comes to a stop with a pained expression on her face and a weak hand on her cheek.

“Drama!” Justine says. “They totally got slapped for being late.”

Lifting her hand away from her cheek, Maddie reaches out and places her other hand on her heart, her face desperate.

“What a sorrowful end,” Daring says. “I suppose that was the last straw. They’ve been broken up with!”

“Aaand scene!” Maddie shouts gleefully, springing up from her act with a grin. The Castleteria begins to break out in applause as Maddie bows. “Thank you, thank you!” She says.

She skips over to Daring, Cedar, and Justine, taking the card and the microphone. 

Cedar laughs as she claps. “Your acting was wonderlandiful, Maddie!”

“Yes, bravo!” Daring says. “You really must consider joining the Drama Club!”

Justine smiles. “Though, I don’t get it– what were you trying to be? Were we right?”

Maddie giggles. “What a silly question! Didn’t I say? I didn’t know what I was! You had to tell me!” 

“So we get tickets?” Cedar asks.

Maddie pulls out her green button once again, DING! “Right you are, my dear friend!”

Taking off her hat with a swish, she gets a fat stack of tickets out, flipping through them as she says, “To tell a tale is not for the weak-minded, why you must have quite some exercise to put the tails of a tale in the right order! From beginning to end, the path of construction is quite weary, but with extra feet along the way, it seems to be a little less dreary!”

She turns away from the three to look out at the Castleteria, the sea of laughing and smiling classmates watching Maddie with anticipating eyes. “A show is shown to an audience, and without an audience, how can anyone say it was shown? An audience dictates the show’s showing, so how many tickets should be shown?”

Apple butts in with a smile. “You can shout out your answer now.”

An eruption of screams and shouts of various numbers arise from the so-called audience.

“Twenty!” Someone yells, maybe Poppy O’Hair?

“Fifteen!” Another calls out, perhaps that was Nathan Nutcracker.

“Thirty!” Tiny says, not having to raise his voice as much to be heard over the clamor. 

“Thirty!” Maddie decides as she booms into the microphone. “Thirty it is!”

“Three heads for three zeroes, ten, ten, and ten!” Maddie says, throwing Daring, Cedar, and Justine each ten tickets. 

As the three of them each take their tickets and begin writing their names on them, Maddie continues to speak, “As I said: A show cannot be shown without an audience, so a thank you is in place!”

Suddenly, Maddie seems to disappear from her place in front of the three, and begins to spring up all over the Castleteria, moving from table to table as she throws a rainfall of tickets over each and every one.

Tickets are flying everywhere as kids jump to grab them, spilling and knocking over trays and milk cartons and bowls.

Maddie finally makes it back to Daring, Cedar, and Justine, taking their signed tickets with a grin and pops them into her hat, skipping back over to plant herself next to Apple.

As Apple and Maddie wait for the commotion Maddie had caused to die down, Apple gives her a nudge and smiles at her.

“Nice, Maddie!” Apple says. “Creativity and teamwork! Those are great to have in a question!”

“Is it ever not?” Maddie replies.

The racket begins to mellow out, and Maddie speaks into her microphone to address everyone. “Earl Grey will be coming around soon to collect your signed tickets! Meanwhile, hold out your ears and open your heads for Apple’s question!”

Apple grins, then looks at her next card. “Here’s a more simple question to help us settle down. What is the definition of pi, and about how long have we used it?”

Apple looks up and is immediately met with silence.

“Well, you certainly settled them down,” Maddie whispers to her, albeit a little loudly.

Apple sighs.

Briar Beauty laughs from her seat near to them and calls out, “Apple, I love you, but literally why would anyone know how long we’ve been using pi for?”

Apple stares at her, unamused. “...Okay, fine. What’s the definition of pi, then?”

Briar yawns, then says, “Duh, it’s the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter.” She says it in an almost robotic tone, as if she had studied it a little too much. She probably had, considering she had gone over the definition in her last study party for crownculus.

DING!

Maddie walks up to her cheerfully, but, instead of handing her tickets, she leans in close to Briar.

Briar raises her eyebrow, confused.

“Place a bid!” Maddie says.

“A… bid?” Briar asks. “Like, a number?”

Maddie nods.

“Okay… Three?”

Maddie blinks. “Surprise auction!” She shouts suddenly, jumping up.

“What–”

“–Can we go any higher?” Maddie asks, before switching into an auctioneer babble, speaking in a fast and lively rhythm, nearly incomprehensible. “Three bid here, three, now four, four, four bid here...”

Maddie continues as hands go up around the Castleteria. Crystal Winter bids five.

“...Five now, five bid, five, now six, six bid, six…”

Jillian Beanstalk bids eight. 

“....Eight, Eight bid, bid now, eight, nine, nine now, nine bid…

Gus Crumb bids ten.

“...Ten! Ten bid, bid ten, bid, bid now, eleven now, eleven bid, bid…”

Finally, Lizzie Hearts bids fifteen.

“...Fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, bid, now, fifteen, sixteen now, sixteen, bid, bid–” Maddie takes a deep breath, “–bid going, going, going, gone!” 

Maddie pants as Apple looks at her.

“What was that for?” Apple asks.

Maddie grins. “Lizzie has to name the first fifteen digits of pi!”

“Oh, come on!” Briar says. “I could totally do that!”

“Sorry, Briar! The prize goes to the highest bidder!” Maddie says.

Briar rolls her eyes, though she has an amused grin on her face, and goes back to sipping her drink.

Maddie and Apple walk over to Lizzie, who’s sitting with her arms crossed.

“Okay, Lizzie,” Apple says, “as Maddie said, name the first fifteen digits of pi, to, um…” She looks at Maddie unsure. “...get your tickets?”

Maddie nods enthusiastically.

“Hmph,” Lizzie says. “A piece of pi.”

“Uh, don’t you mean a piece of cake? Or easy as pie?” Apple asks.

Lizzie looks at her with her nose and eyebrows scrunched in confusion that makes her look offended, though Apple knows she’s not. “What? How ridiculous,” Lizzie starts to say, and Apple’s face starts to be painted with a look that seems to say ‘not again’ as Lizzie goes, “Why would I mean either of those things? Maddie asked me to name a piece of pi, did she not?”

“Right…” Apple says. 

Lizzie lists off the first fifteen digits of pi– a task that’s as easy as pie, or a piece of cake depending on one’s taste– for her. Quite unsurprising to Apple as Lizzie does have quite the spelltacular memory.

Apple claps for Lizzie as Maddie sounds the button. DING!

“And I’m guessing Lizzie gets fifteen tickets for fifteen digits?” Apple asks Maddie with a raised eyebrow.

“What?” Maddie says. “Don’t be silly, Apple White! That’s not how auctions work! She pays us with fifteen digits of pi, and her reward is the set number of nine tickets!”

“Ah…”

Maddie gives Lizzie her tickets then takes them back when she’s done signing them.

“Okay, everyone!” Maddie announces, “Earl Grey will now come around to pick up your tickets, make sure to have them out where he can grab them!”

As Earl Grey hops out of Maddie’s hat and scurries down to traverse the Castleteria, Apple and Maddie continue to take turns asking questions, asking riddles.

The game continues until lunch is nearly over and the crowd of students are getting antsy to see who the final victor is.

“...And the last question is,” Apple White is saying, “who was recently caught, though the video was later taken down, on Blondie’s MirrorCast to be dancing and singing the popular song by ABRA, Dancing King, on top of his desk in his office, then promptly falling onto the ground afterwards–”

Before Apple could finish, nearly the entire Castleteria’s hands were up. However, before Apple can call on anyone, Headmaster Grimm’s face quickly cuts her short with a loud AHEM, much louder than Apple had done it, his face bright red.

Giles chuckles next to him.

“I think that’s quite enough, Ms. White,” Headmaster Grimm declares firmly, his face still pink.

Apple blinks. “Okay. Well…” She looks down at her card. “...The answer was Headmaster Grimm!” She says, smiling innocently.

Snickers and giggles rise from the students. Headmaster Grimm is red again.

“What a hexcellent game, everyone!” Apple says, ignoring the laughter.

“Yes! Con-hatulations, everyone, for playing!” Maddie adds. “But it’s not The End just yet, right, Apple?”

“That’s right, Maddie! We still have to declare the final winner!”

“Hush now, speak low, and let the victor rise!” Maddie says.

Maddie takes off her hat, the Castleteria goes silent, the air thick with held breaths.

“Wait!” A voice interrupts.

A bodiless voice.

That is, until the body comes appearing with it.

Kitty materializes in front of Apple and Maddie, the same impish grin stuck on her face.

“You forgot a certain someone’s tickets,” Kitty says, her tone playful, as if she’s teasing a mouse too scared to come out of its hidey-hole.

“No problem!” Maddie says with an unbothered smile. “Just put them in my hat!”

“Of course.”

Kitty reaches inside of the hat, presumably drops the tickets in, and with that, she vanishes.

“Now, it’s time for the winner!” Maddie says, shaking her hat.

This time, Maddie did not have to ask for a drumroll, for the students begin to enact it themselves.

Once again, the Castleteria fills with loud pounding, banging, and beating as laughter and shouts come along with the ruckus.

As Maddie slowly reaches into the hat and grabs a ticket, pulling it out of her hat to face towards her, the chaos turns into a low rumble.

Maddie raises her voice. “The winner is…”

Apple finds herself holding her breath along with everyone else.

“Sparrow!”

A beat passes. It’s silent.

Someone screams. Or honks, really.

“What?!” Duchess shriek-honks, jumping up from her seat and startling Sparrow, who was just about to steal a roll of bread from her plate.

“How did you win?” Duchess says, pointing accusingly at Sparrow. “You didn’t answer a single question right, and I took all of your tickets–” She coughs. “–I mean, you gave me all of your tickets that you got when Maddie was throwing them around!”

Duchess looks pointedly at Apple and Maddie. “He’s a cheater.”

Apple and Maddie look at each other.

“Uh… I’m all open to considering that, but I'm not hexactly sure how he would be able to cheat?” Apple says.

Sparrow seems unbothered, now chomping on the bread that he took from Duchess. “Yeah,” Sparrow says, his mouth full. “Like, why would I even cheat? Of course, it would be super easy to, but the prize is probably something super lame.” He stops, thinking, then he grins. “No gain, no pain,” He says, leaning back with a satisfied look.

“It’s no pain, no gain, idiot,” Duchess says.

“Uh, no, that’s stupid. If there’s no gain, why would I put myself through the pain?”

Maddie nods thoughtfully. “Makes sense to me!”

“Great,” Duchess says with a sigh, her voice deadpan. “The girl that’s mad in the head is saying you make sense.”

“Hey,” Raven says from across the Castleteria. “Don’t say it like that, Duchess, just because Maddie is, well, mad, doesn’t mean she doesn’t make any sense.” Her tone is soft, yet strong.

Duchess groans, clearly just in a bad mood. “Whatever after, Raven Queen, you know what I mean,” She dismisses, not wanting to argue with her. She turns back towards Sparrow as Raven turns back to her food.

A muffin hits Raven straight on the back of her head, seemingly coming from the side of the Castleteria that Duchess and Sparrow are on. Though, Apple can’t make out who threw it.

Raven turns around.

“What was that?” She asks, as the muffin drops onto the ground.

“What was what?–” Duchess says annoyed, only halfway in turning around when a slice of cheese hits her in the arm, coming from the side of the Castleteria that Raven is on, yet Apple is certain it didn't come from Raven herself.

Duchess seems to freeze, and before anyone can react, a mischievous sneer forms on her face. “Oh, it is so on,” She says, and she grabs a spoonful of mashed potatoes from her tray and hurls it at Raven.

“But I didn’t–!”

Raven’s words are lost as Sparrow yells, “Food fight!” and the Castleteria immediately breaks out into a war ground as peas and carrots fly overhead and porridge and open cartons of juice are used as ammunition. Yelling and shouts and screams of ‘Watch out!’ and ‘Take this!’ engulf the quiet that was present just moments ago.

Bits of celery and macaroni come at Maddie and Apple and Apple has no choice but to duck while Maddie squeals with happiness.

Apple attempts to begin to diffuse the situation, lifting the microphone up to her mouth, saying, “Everyone! Please, stop this–”

She gets hit by a hot cross bun smack dab in the middle of her forehead.

She groans, and pulls Maddie down behind a trash can. 

“What's the hatter, Apple?” Maddie asks.

“Look at this mess! The game is royally ruined! We’re going to be in so much trouble.”

Maddie hums thoughtfully next to her, considering her words, but before she can speak, Kitty appears next to them, sitting with an opened milk carton in hand. “Hey guys,” She says innocently. “What’d I miss?”

“Kitty…” Apple looks at her with a frown. “Did you have something to do with this mess?”

“What? Me?” Kitty bats her eyelashes. “Quite an outrageous assumption to make, Apple White, don’t you think?”

“No, not really.”

Kitty huffs. “Well, I was just coming back because I forgot my milk.” She takes a sip, and sticks out her tongue. “Oh, cat litter, it seems as if someone had managed to land a bit of soup in my milk.”

She grins at Apple. “Would I spoil something so dear?”

Before Apple can even begin to think of a response, Kitty disappears with a wink.

Apple slumps against the trash can. “How delightful. Reminds me of Legacy Year,” Apple says with a defeated sigh.

Ketchup splatters onto Maddie’s face. She licks it. “Hmm. Tastes like tomatoes this time! Not of destiny,” She grins. “Don't you agree, Apple? Listen, don’t hear.”

Apple looks at Maddie, Maddie with her big, friendly smile, and does as she asks.

Through the chaos and the ruckus around them, the shouts of protests coming from Headmaster Grimm drowning in the noise, and weight of the sure reprimands waiting for them afterwards, Apple realises something.

Instead of the anger, the sorrow, and the fear that had haunted the food fight in their second year, there is laughter and playful shouting here.

She begins to look, too, and everyone wears a smile the same as Maddie does right now.

Even Raven is smirking as she uses her magic to fire oranges at Duchess, who is snickering as she hides behind Sparrow– obviously enjoying the mayhem with a grin.

Maybe the game itself had been spoiled, but what’s really important is that what it was meant to do isn’t: bringing the kids together. 

“...You're right, Maddie,” Apple says, finally smiling back. “And tomatoes taste much better than destiny, don't they?”

Maddie laughs, and Apple finds it in her to laugh too.