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It’s almost not surprising when Kanade collapses during a choreo rehearsal. Shiho is almost always grateful for the extra break her fall grants her.
As the rehearsals come again and again, weeks turn to months, and Yume Yume Jump’s music producer never gets any stronger.
Shiho starts to pity her in a way. She sees how hard Kanade tries to keep up with An and Shizuku, but that effort is very rarely rewarded with anything more than side comments from their managers and choreographers wishing for her to keep up with the others. Shiho feels bad seeing her try so hard to fall so short. She also feels bad that she’s twistedly grateful that so much attention falls onto her instead of Shiho. She’s able to fly under the radar as ‘good enough’ compared to her sister’s practically flawless performance and An’s energy and passion shining bright enough to cover whatever Shiho and Kanade don’t live up to.
Maybe that guilt is the reason she’s always the first to notice when she looks pale, the first to catch her as she falls, or the first to rush to her side when she can’t. Guilt makes her leave practice early to accompany Kanade to the hospital when her ankle turns a color it shouldn’t and swells beyond fitting back into her shoes.
Kanade’s manager meets them at the hospital, but she hardly cares how nervous Kanade seems: constantly rubbing and twisting her fingers together, asking the nurses a lot of technical questions, and frequently glancing around the room as if searching for something that isn’t there. Instead, Kanade’s manager paces the hallway, exasperated at having to coordinate and reschedule YYJ’s event calendar for the next 6 weeks. Shiho tunes her out. She left at some point to continue her tizzy back at the production company’s office. Shiho wonders why she even bothered showing up to do anything but pay for the bill with their company’s card.
X-rays and subsequent examinations concluded it was a sprain; nothing broken, but Kanade can hardly walk without help. They gave her bandages and crutches and sent her on her way.
Following her out of the hospital doors, Shiho keeps a cautious distance as Kanade gets used to using her crutches.
“My apartment’s not too far from here. I’m sorry for causing this much trouble.”
“No, it’s okay,” Shiho reassures her. “Where do you live? I’ll walk you home.”
“Thank you for everything, but I’ll be okay.” Kanade shifts her weight with the help of her crutches.
“Ok then… if you’re sure.”
Kanade brushes away a few silvery strands that had fallen from her ponytail out of her face. With a quick goodbye and awkward turn, she starts on her way home. Shiho can’t help but watch her leave, admiring the way her long hair sways as she moves, waiting to see if she’ll fall again. Her phone buzzing in her jacket pocket makes her shake off her intense stare as Kanade reaches the intersection and waits at the red light.
It’s just a text from her sister asking where she is. Looking at the time, it had become much later than Shiho thought it was. There's no time for her to respond before she hears a distant clatter. Kanade dropped one of her crutches and is struggling to pick it up.
Guilty or not, Shiho clicks off her phone and mindlessly shoves it back in her pocket while running down the sidewalk to help.
She picks it up and holds it out for Kanade to grab.
“Thank yo—Oh, Shiho…”
“I’m heading this way anyway,” she lied. “I really don’t mind going with you to your building at least.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to burden you more than I already have…”
The crosswalk light turned green.
“It’s no burden, not to me at least.”
Kanade offers a small smile and begins awkwardly swinging herself across the street. Other passersby offer a wide clearance to the poor girl who is clearly having a bad day. Shiho tries to keep a polite distance, but it becomes more difficult the more tired and strained Kanade seems.
She tries to talk to lift the heavy air between them.
“If anything, I should thank you.”
“Thank me?” Kanade asks through a huff of air. “For what?”
“I didn’t remember any of the dances we learned last week. I was looking for any excuse to leave practice early today.”
“O—Oh.”
Shiho winced. Humor is not something they’ve ever shared, least of all during times like now. She bites her tongue long enough for them to make it to the front step of Kanade’s apartment building. “Do you need any help getting to your room?”
“I should be—woah!” Kanade misplaced one of her crutches and nearly slipped on just the first step up. “Actually, maybe some help would be nice…” she resigns with a soft laugh.
Shiho swallowed whatever she felt fluttering up her throat. “Right.” She holds her hand just behind Kanade’s back as they climb the few steps and through the building entrance. It was easy enough to take the elevator up and down the hall to her apartment number.
Kanade unlocks her door, and Shiho follows her in. She’s surprised to find the apartment quiet and completely dark.
“Do you live alone?” Shiho asks.
“Yeah,” Kanade hums, taking off her one shoe while leaning on the wall for support.
Shiho knew to some extent that she didn’t have her parents, but she’s mentioned her grandmother once or twice in passing. She assumed Kanade lived with her. Just exactly how long has she been on her own?
“Well then, is there anything else I can do while I’m here?”
“It’s okay, it’s a small place. I’ll manage.”
“What about dinner?”
“My housekeeper left some meals for me in the fridge. She’s coming by the day after tomorrow, so I’ll be fine.”
Will no one be here for two days? Shiho lingers in the entrance, not fully trusting that she’ll be fine on her own for that long. She’s in a lot of pain, more than she’s let on. It doesn’t feel right to leave her all alone like this. She rubs at the back of her neck and looks away. “If it’s alright with you, do you mind if I stop by tomorrow after school?”
“Hm? What for?”
“I don’t know—just to like… check on you?” Shiho can’t believe her own words as they fall out of her mouth. “—And also—” Shiho verbally trips over herself to come up with an excuse to come over that wouldn't be weird. “—You mentioned that our latest demo was almost ready. I’d love to hear what you have so far.”
Idiot. She’s going to hear the demo soon enough. What’s it matter if she hears it sooner than later? Nevertheless, the poorly planned promise seems to excite Kanade, if only slightly. She stands up a bit taller and regains a bit of endearment twinkling in her sky eyes.
“Alright, I’d like that.”
There it is again, climbing up her chest—probably guilt?
Shiho clears her throat. “Cool, I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”
“Sounds good. See you tomorrow.” Kanade waves.
“See ya.” Shiho closes the apartment door behind her faster than is probably polite and sighs.
In these past few months working for YYJ, she’s been growing more and more impatient and annoyed with her job, so much so that she’s come to resent being given more songs to learn. She won’t ever let herself admit that she’s looking forward to hearing this next one…