Work Text:
You reached out to fumble for the door, adjusting the cardboard box of stuff in your hands. The dragonewt receptionist at the front desk perked up when she saw you approach, her fangs gleaming as she smiled at you.
“Well hello there, human. What can I do for you today?”
“I’m supposed to start here today. My boss is Ms. Varana?” you said.
“One moment.” The dragonewt picked up a phone. “Ms. Varana? I have a human here to see you. His name is-“ she put a hand over the mouthpiece and looked at you expectantly.
“Anon.”
“-His name is Anon. Yes. Alright, I’ll let him know.” The receptionist hung up the phone. “She’ll be down in a moment. Can I get you anything to drink?”
“No, thank you,” you replied.
“Just let me know if you need anything. She’ll be down in a few minutes. Feel free to have a seat.”
You set your box down on one of the stylish benches in the corner of the lobby, drinking in the new-age facets of the atrium. The chime of an elevator drew your attention to a pair of gleaming brass doors sliding open. A dragon clad in bronze scales and a pantsuit quickly scrabbled out into the lobby with hungry eyes. Seeing you staring at her, she quickly corrected her posture.
“You must be Anonymous,” said the dragon, offering a claw.
“That’s right. Are you Ms. Varana?” you said.
“I am. We’re so happy that you accepted our offer,” she said.
“The pleasure is all mine. I mean, you basically doubled my salary,” you said.
“Hmm? Oh, right, money. Well, glad you’re pleased with our offer. There’s plenty more where that came from, if you can… work for it…” said Varana, eyes glinting behind her thick-rimmed glasses.
“Glad to hear. Always happy to know there’s room for promotion,” you said.
“Indeed. I’ll show you to your desk.”
Varana led you into the elevator and pushed a button. “How are you liking Dragonia? Is it much different than your side of the portal?”
You laughed. “There’s no comparing it. With all the magic and monsters, I hardly know how to cross the street properly anymore. But everyone has been kind so far; I think I’m going to like it here.”
“That’s what we like to hear,” said Varana.
The elevator chimed again, opening into a hallway. You followed your draconic manager to floor of cubicles and offices. Light streamed through the walls of windows, supplementing the buzzing fluorescent lights above you. You were struck by how banal the whole scene was. To get to Dragonia, you had traveled through a portal, boarded a sky barge, almost got abducted by harpy sky pirates, and wandered through a city where floating islands were merely another part of the scenery. Now you were face to face with the same maze of felt cubicles, coffee-stained carpets, humming lights, and the soft thrum of computers.
“Something wrong?” asked Varana, noticing your slowed pace.
“No, no. Sorry, just thinking,” you said, hurrying to catch up to her.
Your voice piqued the interest of the offices’ residents. One by one, horned heads popped up from the cubicles. A mob of dragons bustled out to get a look at you as you passed. They came in all shapes and sizes, an eclectic gaggle of dragons sporting a rainbow of scales between them. The only unifying factor seemed to be their predilection for skimpy business suits.
“Get back to work!” snarled Varana. The dragons begrudgingly skulked back to their desks, casting dark looks at your boss as they went. Varana stopped at a cubicle in the corner of the office, gesturing towards it. “This will be your office. Someone will be up to help you with your machine in a moment.”
“Thanks,” you said, setting your box down. Varana moved in behind you, standing in the entryway of your cubicle. You slowly began to unpack your belongings, unsure of what the intimidating pose was supposed to mean.
“You look right at home in there,” said Varana.
“Well, I do have a lot of experience in an office,” you said with a nervous laugh. “But you know that; I mean, that’s the reason I got hired.”
“Yes… of course, your… experience,” said Varana.
“Speaking of experience: do you think you could give me a little more of a briefing as to what I’ll be doing? The recruiter was a little vague as to what my responsibilities would be. To be honest, all I know is that it’s some sort of marketing,” you said.
Varana gave you a blank look. She blinked once when she realized you were finished. “Glad to hear. Someone will be along shortly to finish your setup. As for whatever else you were saying, I’m certain it will sort itself out.”
“Okay…” you said slowly.
“My office is right over there,” said Varana, gesturing to the glass room just outside your own. “You can come talk to me at any time. I like to keep things open.”
“That’s very proactive of you,” you said, setting up a tiny snake plant on your desk.
“I am very active, Anonymous,” Varana said in a husky voice.
You weren’t too sure about that. She wasn’t fat, but she certainly wasn’t fit either. A slight bulge of skin protruded above the top of her pants. “Is that so? What do you do for exercise? A lot of flying, I’d imagine.”
Varana’s brow crinkled. “I- well- I mean, yes, flying of course. I do other things too, I just… I’ve been busy. Because I’m a high-ranking office dragon. Who works.”
“I get that. We all get sidetracked sometimes,” you said.
“Yes, there are just so many distractions in this office,” said Varana, slumping against your cubicle entrance.
“And having all this Dragonian food around isn’t going to help me stay skinny either. I had a kebab from some food cart on the way here; it was delicious.”
“Don’t worry, Anon. There’s plenty of meat to be had here,” said Varana.
You paused, slowly letting the pens you were clenching slide into a smiley face mug. “Yeah…”
“Varana?”
Varana turned to leer at the dragonewt who had just appeared outside your cubicle. “Excuse me?”
“Sorry, Ms. Varana?” reiterated the dragonewt.
“Yes? Underling?” Varana said with a puffed chest, sneaking a glance at you to gauge your reaction.
“I’m here to intake Anon,” she said, apologetically hefting the stack of papers in her arms.
“You mean to-?! Oh, like that. I see. Very well, perform your duties. I shall be in my office. The station befitting one with such a high status as myself,” said Varana.
“Yes, Ms. Varana.”
“I’ll talk to you later, Anon. I think you’re going to enjoy working under me.” Varana licked her chops and retreated to her office. You watched her take a seat at her desk and begin staring at you through the glass.
“Sorry about that, she can be a bit eccentric,” said the dragonewt. “My name is Tilliqua; I’ll be handling your onboarding.”
“Anon,” you said, shaking her hand.
“A pleasure to meet you, Anon. How much did they tell you about this job?” asked Tilliqua. She shooed you to the side to turn your computer on.
“Not much,” you admitted.
“Yeah, sounds about right…” muttered Tilliqua as she booted the computer on the administrator profile.
“Is that a common problem here?” you asked.
“Dragoncom does many things well, Anonymous; training is not one of them,” sighed Tilliqua.
“I see.”
“Let’s see here…” You watched her navigate through a series of servers and folders to one marked with your name. She clicked it open. A prompt appeared. She entered a password, and a series of loading bars popped up. “Looks like they have you in marketing.”
“That’s about the extent of my knowledge,” you said.
“We’re mostly interested in market research. Most of your time will be spent combing the analytics of our advertisements, figuring out what’s working, what isn’t, which contracts we should scrap, and putting together some portfolios for potential clients.”
“Easy enough. I have experience in a few of those fields.”
“You’ll do great. I’ve uploaded your template onto this computer. All the projects, documents, data, will be on your desktop now. There’s also a primer, penned by yours truly, sitting front and center. I’d highly advise you read that first.”
“Are you in marketing too?”
“I’ve got my claws in everything around here. If you have any questions, you can just ask me. We use a program called Flare to communicate for job stuff. Have you ever used any program that can make calls and send text?”
“Yes.”
“Congratulations, you know how to use Flare. Looks like it’s finishing up now,” said Tilliqua. The computer restarted, a strand of dots swirling around in a circle before a bloom of color spread out to form the default background. “Here’s your starter login. You can set your password to whatever you want. Just don’t go leaving it out on your desk on a sticky note.” Tilliqua handed you scrap of paper with your username and an admin code.
“Thanks,” you said.
“Yeah, don’t sweat it. Here’s hoping we can keep you till retirement,” said Tilliqua.
“For what they pay me? I’d have slept in the office if they’d ask.”
“Don’t- don’t go saying things like that, okay?” said Tilliqua, nervously looking around.
“Oh, sorry, are we not supposed to discuss pay?” you asked, worried that you’d committed some draconic faux-pas.
“No. Just don’t make jokes about doing anything you wouldn’t actually do, got it?”
“Yeah, got it,” you said.
“Great. Read up on what I sent you. That should last you through the rest of the day.”
“Perfect. I’ll get right on that,” you said.
“My cubicle is at the end of the floor, close to the elevators. Holler if you need anything.”
“See you around,” you called after her as she left. You entered your password and began sifting through the mountain of files.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Anonymous, are you still working?” asked Varana, poking her head into your cubicle.
“Yeah. Just familiarizing myself with our ongoing projects. Sounds like we have a lot of numbers to crunch before the meeting with that ryu next week.” You turned to look at Varana when she didn’t say anything. She was giving you a bemused and slightly annoyed look.
“Right… but when are you going home?”
“In a bit,” you said, checking the time.
“You don’t want to go now?”
“I should really-“ Varana’s souring face cut you off. “I can wrap up here…”
“Oh good! I can walk you out. Or home,” said Varana.
“There’s no need, I can get to my apartment just fine. I’d hate to inconvenience you.”
“Nonsense, the Terraces are lovely this time of day,” said Varana.
“How did you know I lived in the Terraces?” you asked.
Varana’s eyes widened. “W-why because… the company helped you relocate!” she stammered.
“Wow, I had no idea that you would have a hand in something like that. I figured that it would be handled by HR. Or is it dragon resources here?” you joked. Your attempt at humor earned you a puzzled stare and a slow blink. “Uh, just a little… joke…”
“Oh! Ha ha! Very amusing. I do so enjoy human jokes,” said Varana. “Now leave.”
You quickly packed up your things and slipped your bag over your shoulder. Varana watched you impatiently. Under the glare of your boss, you were herded out to the elevator.
“How was your first day at work?” asked Varana, stepping in with you.
“Fine,” you replied.
“That wasn’t very enthusiastic,” said Varana.
“I enjoyed the work I did. There was just a lot of clerical work, that’s all,” you said.
Varana hummed. She tapped her claw on the carpet of the elevator. “Aren’t you going to ask me how my day was?”
It seemed like a strange prompt for a man who had just started earlier that day. “Uhh… How was your day?”
“Busy. Full of important meetings and things,” sighed Varana. “You know, since I’m an executive.” She glanced over at you.
“Sounds stressful,” you agreed.
“It is. And I have to return to my fancy penthouse all alone. With no one to rub my shoulders and give me wine and neck kisses…” she said.
You awkwardly stared back at her. The elevator dinged. “I’m sure you’ll find someone,” you said, hustling through the doors.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to fly you home?” asked Varana, quickly catching up to you.
“I’ll be alright,” you promised.
Varana’s eyes narrowed. “I see. Have it your way, then. I’ll see you tomorrow, Anonymous.”
“Goodnight.” You quickly headed off in the direction of your apartment. You glanced over your shoulder once. Varana was watching you go, looming just outside the office before she took off into the sky.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You stepped off the elevator, ready for your second day on the job. The ambient sounds of office work seemed to die down around you as you walked to your desk. Just like the day before, you noticed a few pairs of horns pop up over the cubicles. No sooner had you slung your bag off your shoulder than a dragon appeared in the entrance to your cubicle. She had purple scales, a bit chubby, wearing a pink blouse and a grey skirt.
“Hello, Anonymous. I am Phryn. I have procured for you a cup of ‘coffee’. Consume it at your leisure,” she said, offering you tall paper cup.
“Oh, thanks,” you said, taking it from her.
“Out of the way!” Phryn was jostled to the side by a red-scaled dragon. “Human! I have purchased this beverage for you! Imbibe it at once!” A second cup of coffee was foisted upon you.
“Uh-“
Another dragon poked her head over the wall of your cubicle. “Hey, new guy! I bought you a coffee! Here- Hey! What are you two doing?!”
“What am I doing?! I was the first one to give him the ‘coffee’!” roared the red dragon.
“Actually, I brought him the first coffee,” said Phryn.
A new voice chimed in from outside. “Aww, am I too late?” A smaller dragon covered in blue scales demurely clutched a steaming cup of coffee in her claws.
More voiced joined the fray as what seemed like the rest of the office began to jockey for position at the entrance to your office, each brandishing a coffee at you. The mob forced you into the corner of your cubicle. The dragons began to get physical, shoving each other back and forth and arguing about which drink you were going to consume.
“WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!”
The thunderous voice of Varana silenced the other dragons. Your boss pushed into your office and gasped. “Get away from him!” They shuffled away from you. Varana shoved her way to the front of the pack, proudly slamming down an enormous cup of coffee onto your desk. Cup didn’t do it justice; it was closer to a bucket. A mountain of whipped cream protruded from the top, covering a liquid that smelled so sweet it reminded you of toffee.
“Here, Anonymous. I have brought you a ‘coffee’ as a token of my benevolence and magnanimity,” said Varana, looking more than a little pleased with herself.
“Uhh… Thanks…” you said, nervously looking at the pitcher of heart-palpitations sitting next to your computer.
“No need to thank me. But you are welcome,” said Varana.
“What about us?” asked one of the dragons.
“Yeah, we were here first.”
“What about you? Why aren’t you lot doing work!? Get back to your desks!” barked Varana.
Several of the dragons left their cups in the corner of your cubicle before slinking away. Varana leered at them as they left before turning her attention to you. “You may consume the coffee now, Anonymous. I understand that it is imperative to imbibe this ritualistic human beverage before labor can commence.”
“O-okay,” you said, not wanting to be rude. This was just a misunderstanding about humans; you would sort this out later. It was kind of Varana to get you a drink, after all. Clasping the massive cup in both hands, you took a sip. Your eyes bulged. The taste was awful. A horrible effluvium of tastes washed over your palate. Mint, hibiscus, lavender, vanilla, caramel, chocolate, and more coursed over your tongue. Beyond the sickening flavor combination, it was nauseatingly sweet. There was enough syrup to turn the enormous amount of liquid into something more akin to a paste.
“Do you like it?” Varana asked excitedly. “I don’t know what humans drink, so I just got all the things you could add in one cup.”
“Very unique,” you said hoarsely, trying not to grimace too hard.
“Drink to your heart’s content! After all, I am affluent enough to afford many such beverages!” boasted Varana.
“That’s okay, I can afford my own. You pay me plenty,” you said, smacking your lips in a vain attempt to rid yourself of the sticky feeling on your teeth.
“Nonsense! I can furnish you with such a drink every day for the rest of your life. I have even procured a machine capable of making ‘coffee’ in my own home.” You raised your eyebrows in faux astonishment. Varana smiled down at you. “Come talk to me any time, Anon. My door is always open to you~” She slowly backed out of your cubicle, letting her hands linger on the tops of the entry way before slipping out into her office across the way. You looked despondently at the desk of coffees next to you. The smell was giving you a headache. Booting up your computer, you did your best to ignore the bean water beside you and get to work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You put your computer to sleep and pushed away from your desk. Lunch time. You checked your phone as you headed for the break room. A loud clattering drew your attention to your coworkers. The dragons had all disembarked from their chairs, staring at you like deer in the headlights. Each of them clutched a lunch of their own. They quickly began to look around, feigning disinterest. Varana flew out of her office so fast she left tears in the carpet with her claws as she skidded to a halt.
“Oh, Anonymous, what a coincidence! Are you going to lunch too?” asked Varana.
“Yeah.”
“Good! I’ll join you,” she said.
The pack of dragons parted for her, trailing after their boss as the mob made their way to the break room. It quickly became apparent that the room wasn’t designed to accommodate so many people, or monsters, at once. You retrieved your food from the refrigerator and took a seat. The dragons nearly upended your table as several of them dove for the plastic chairs next to you. Varana seized a small teal dragon by her horn, flinging her squealing underling over her shoulder to claim a spot next to you.
“This table is taken!” she snarled. The other dragons backed off, scooting the other tables as close to you as they dared.
“Anon, do you want some of this smoked fish? I made too much last night,” said a dragon, opening a container to reveal a delectable looking slab of glazed fish.
“Human! Try some of this fire-roasted bird I made! It’s delicious!”
“Fools, humans eat plants. Thus, I have prepared these grilled leaves for him.”
The squabbling began anew as every dragon attempted to entice you with their cooking. You looked around frantically, unsure how to reject so many foods at once. Especially when they smelled so good. You jumped when a huge slab of meat landed on the table in front of you.
“Enough!” roared Varana. “Anon is eating my cooking!” She smoothed her hair and smiled at you sweetly. “Anon, I happened to roast some cow last night, would you care for some?” Varana opened her own plastic container to show you its contents. It looked good, there was no denying it. The other dragons glared at her enviously. A few of them waggled their own tantalizing dishes at you when they saw you looking. Varana growled. You turned your attention back to her.
“That’s alright, I brought my own lunch. Thank you, though,” you said. The dragons seemed pleased by your response.
“Anon, I insist. Whatever you brought can’t be as palatable as this food I prepared for you,” Varana said firmly.
This wasn’t going to end well. You decided to just be polite and get it over with. “I guess I can have a bite,” you said.
A chorus of groans and reptilian hisses erupted from the other dragons. Some of them made feeble attempts to sneak their food onto the table in front of you. Varana swatted a Tupperware container of some kind of poultry against the wall, much to the dismay of the white dragon that had placed it next to you. Using her claw, Varana carved off a quarter of the roast. Taking the small piece for herself, she heaped the massive slab of meat down onto the table in front of you.
“Enjoy, Anon!” she proclaimed, beaming at you.
“Looks good,” you said with a polite smile. “Let me just get a plate and some utensils…”
The dragons watched you intently as you began searching through the cabinets for any implements to eat your meal with. After exhausting nearly every drawer, you found a stack of three paper plates and a packet of plastic utensils. Under the watchful eye of Varana, you rolled the meat onto your plate. It sagged off both sides, dripping juice onto the table.
“Let me just heat this up a bit,” you said, moving towards the microwave.
“No need! I kept the meat warm since last night, so as to keep it ready to consume at a moment’s notice!” said Varana.
You paused, one hand on the microwave door. That this thing had sat out all night was bad enough. But coupled with what you assumed to be a flagrant disregard for sanitary food handling and preparation, there was almost no chance that the meat that Varana was insisting you try was safe to eat.
“You know, I’m actually trying to watch my weight. I think I’ll just stick to my sandwich,” you said apologetically. Varana looked crestfallen. The other dragons swelled with hope, subtly bearing aloft their own gifts once again. You chewed your lip. Maybe you were overthinking this. This was the mamono world, after all. Food might be different here. This meat might be good for months, for all you knew. And everything you had eaten here had been so good thus far. “Maybe just a little,” you said.
Varana gasped. She looked moved to the verge of tears as you heated up the meat in the microwave.
“I hope it tastes as good as it smells,” you said, carving off a medallion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey. I brought you some water and some meds,” said Tilliqua.
“Thank you,” you mumbled.
“Are you feeling any better?” she asked, setting a blister pack of pills onto the desk next to you.
“There’s nothing left in me,” you groaned.
“Yeah. Sorry, I should have warned you about that,” said Tilliqua.
“You didn’t know,” you said.
“I sort of did.”
You looked up at her. Maybe it was just the throes of nausea, but she looked a little melancholic.
“What do you mean?” you asked.
“You aren’t the fist guy that this kind of thing has happened to,” sighed Tilliqua.
“You mean the food?” you asked, stifling a particularly acidic belch.
“The food, the coffee, all of it. Listen, there are going to be more ‘rituals’ the dragons do. And as much as it pains me to say this, you’re just going to have to tough it out. They all mean well.”
You shook your head and rested it back on your desk. “Maybe it’s the food poisoning, but I have no idea what you mean.”
“Tell you what, come have a beer with me after work one night, and I’ll lay it all out for you. Probably should have done it sooner; seems like it would have saved you a lot of grief,” said Tilliqua.
You grunted. With some considerable effort, you raised your head up enough to see the clock. Your foodborne illness had eaten away most of the day. “I think I might just go…”
“I think you should have been gone by now,” Tilliqua said bluntly. “Though I doubt you would have made it back home after the state you were in. I’ve never heard so much come out of someone so little.”
“I’m not little,” you grunted.
“Dragon little,” Tilliqua corrected.
You rubbed your clammy face and sighed. “Can you tell Varana I’m leaving for the day?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“She’s still crying. This is probably going to go on for another few hours. Just go home and get some rest. Drink some water, maybe eat some oatmeal or some other paste if you have the strength.”
You slipped your bag over your shoulder. “Yeah. I think I’ll just sleep.”
“That’s the spirit. And remember, Anon: they care about you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Varana broke from her typical habit of barging into your office to interrupt your work by nervously knocking on the wall outside.
“Uh, hi, Anon. How are you feeling?” she asked, poking her head into your cubicle. You noticed that she looked a little less put together than she normally did. Her clothes were a little wrinkled, a few strands of hair were out of place, there were a few smudges around her lips, and she had only managed to get one earing into the fins on the side of her head.
“Better,” you replied.
Varana’s face eased. “Oh, that’s wonderful! I was so worried about you yesterday! I’m so sorry that happened; I had no idea that meat could do that to a human! And as a token of contrition, I have procured another coffee for you!”
Varana revealed another bucket of syrup and espresso. She set the potion down on your desk with gusto, gleefully watching for your reaction. Unfortunately for her, there was probably nothing viler to you right now, with an empty stomach after a night of food poisoning, than a giant cup of sugar and caffeine.
“Thanks. Can you just leave it there next to the others?” you said, gesturing to the mountain of coffee cups and ‘get well soon’ cards on your desk.
“Oh, I see. Yes. I’ll just…” Varana set down the cup and took a step back. Clearing her throat, she tossed her hair and struck what she probably interpreted as a seductive lean against the entrance of your cubicle. “You know, I might need your help with something. Later. In my office.”
“Okay. I can help after the meeting,” you said.
Varana’s face soured. “The what?”
“The meeting. Did you not see the email? Our department has a meeting later today,” you said. A few perturbed groans rose up from the cubicles around you.
“I hate meetings! Can’t you just come into my office now?” asked Varana.
“But these are important. We have a client meeting next week that we need to prepare for. And weren’t you the one who scheduled this thing?” you asked.
Varana scoffed. “Maybe. Tilliqua helped me set up some schedule, you’d have to ask her.”
“Oh. Right. Well, I’ve got to finish up my presentation. I’ll see you in a bit,” you said.
“Mm-hmm,” Varana hummed, slinking back to her office. You watched her take her seat, staring at you from her desk. Just like she always did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morale was going to be an issue; you could tell the moment the first dragons despondently shuffled into the room. They scowled and glowered at the conference table glaring at the binders of documents you had prepared for them. Tilliqua tapped her pen on the table, offering you a subtle apologetic shrug. Varana was the last to enter, flopping into the chair at the end of the table with a hearty sigh.
“Ok, meeting time,” she declared. The other dragons moaned. “Shut up! The faster he starts, the faster we can leave!”
“Do we have to?”
“Can you make him present shirtless?”
“Yes, we have to. And… No, no. The shirt will stay on. For now. Maybe later…” Varana said, her forked tongue slithering across her lips as she mumbled out the end of her sentence.
The dragons turned to you. “Right, well, thank you for being here. I can see that everyone is busy, so I’ll get right to it. If you open your binders to page one-“ the noises the dragons uttered as they opened their binders was something you would expect from some medieval dungeon “-you’ll see some points I’d like to address in regards to both wasted ad space, and potential gaps in targeted advertisement…”
~~~~~~~~~~~
“-and thus, by shifting our focus to these demographics, I believe that we can expect up to an eight-percent higher rate of throughput for this quarter’s ad campaign. Any questions?”
The dragons were silent, save for a few snores from the ones that had unapologetically taken a nap the second the lights dimmed. The rest were pleading with their eyes for you to end their torment.
“That’s all I had. Varana?”
“Hmm?” Varana lifted her eyes from your crotch. “What?”
“Did you have anything you wanted to add?” you asked.
“Oh. Umm…” Varana quickly rifled through the binder of papers in front of her. “Nope. Looks good. Everyone uh… work harder. Meeting over.”
Chairs clattered to the floor as the dragons scrambled over themselves to reach the exit. Not one of them bothered to take their binder. In a matter of seconds, it was just you, Varana, and Tilliqua.
“That was very informative, Anon. I like a man who knows how to… present~” Varana said with a half-lidded stare, nibbling the tip of her pen. She clamped down too hard on the end, shooting a geyser of ink onto her mouth. Varana tried to say something else but failed, coughing and gagging. She settled for a dismissive wave before running out of the room.
“That was an impressive report, Anon. I’m surprised at how fast you were able to pick up on those trends,” said Tilliqua, tucking her notes into her binder.
“Thanks. I don’t think it went over that well,” you said.
“Don’t worry about them,” she said.
“But they’re part of our marketing team. They need to know what’s going on,” you said.
Tilliqua sighed. “I’m afraid they don’t.”
“What?”
Tilliqua eyed the door to the room. “Listen, I can’t talk here. But you seem like a standup guy, so how about you take me up on that drink I offered you? I promise all will be made clear.”
“Why can’t you tell me here?” you asked.
“Because dragons have very keen ears,” said Tilliqua.
“Alright, have it your way. Where do you want to meet?”
“There’s a place called the Firerise Tavern not far from here. I’ll grab us a booth in the back,” said Tilliqua.
“Great! I’ll see you there! Oh, and when you leave tonight, just tell Varana that you have a business dinner to discuss work, that should get her off your back.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You made it!” said Tilliqua.
“Were you expecting me not to?” you asked.
“You never know with dragons,” said Tilliqua, taking a swig of her beer.
“Varana’s eyes glazed over when I told her we would be discussing business. She couldn’t get out of there fast enough,” you said.
“Sounds about right,” said Tilliqua. She flagged down a server. “Get him a beer; put it on my tab.”
“Oh, thanks,” you said.
“It’s the least I can do. I know this has been a stressful week for you,” she said.
“I’m doing alright, food poisoning aside. I’m sure that things will normalize eventually,” you said.
“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” The server returned with a mug of beer. You thanked her and took a sip. It was effervescent and slightly spiced, giving a warming quality to the brew. Tilliqua took a sip of her own drink and sighed. “Anon, how much did you know about mamono before you came over here?”
“Not a ton. I know that they tend to be a bit… lewd,” you admitted.
“And you didn’t find it suspicious that you got a job that was twice your old salary out of the blue?”
“I know it was a bit strange, but it was a risk I was willing to take. I’m not one of those people that thought everyone who went through the portal got murdered,” you said.
“Right. Well, your loose understanding of our customs is actually germane to the topic at hand. You see, the dragons don’t have a good grasp of human culture either. That’s how Dragoncom started.”
“What? You mean a multi-billion dollar company started over a misunderstanding?” you said.
Tilliqua sighed. “When the portals first opened, there was a massive exchange of media and ideas between our worlds. Given our salacious nature, you can probably imagine what sort of things were popular with the denizens of this dimension.”
“Porn?”
“Smut. We don’t really enjoy seeing two humans fornicate. But the stories of forbidden love and passionate lust? Mamono ate it up. And certain monsters found specific tropes to be quite tantalizing. One of those tropes happened to be… office romance.”
You blinked. “You’re kidding.”
Tilliqua held up a hand. “I know. It sounds insane. But it’s true. Dragoncom was built up primarily as a fake company. A sort of playground for dragons to act out their desires for some HR violations.”
“You mean that there’s no actual business?” you said, struggling to understand what she was telling you.
“Oh, there’s business alright. We’re making money hand over claw. Every dragon that ‘works’ at Dragoncom had to pay a fee to land a spot in the office. We use that money as startup capital. Now we’re a full-fledged business, involved in everything from mining to interdimensional index funds. The dragons don’t really understand any of it, though. Investments are an alien concept to them. They’d rather not lose any gold from their hoard in the first place, even if it meant that they would get more later. They will pay for a chance to have sex in a mailroom, though.”
“Then… why was I hired?” you asked.
“I hired you because I thought you would be a valuable asset to the company. My superiors, however, just want to drag you into a supply closet and have you tear their blouse open.”
“Oh…”
“There’s a reason Dragoncom has such a high turnover rate for male employees, I’m afraid.”
“Then… why am I here? To do work or to be eye-candy?” you asked.
“Up to you,” shrugged Tilliqua. “You’re always free to leave; there’s nothing in your contract stopping you. And I always make sure to write in a severance bonus big enough to rehome you back on Earth if you’d ever want to. For whatever reason. Or, you’re free to embrace the fantasies of your coworkers and find love. I know that they might seem like a bundle of cliches and tropes, but they really are kind women. They’re just not used to interacting with humans.”
“So I’ve learned…” you said, rubbing your stomach.
“Ah. Yeah. Varana was so excited to give you that roast, too. She spent a lot of time charring that to get the flavor right,” said Tilliqua.
“But she doesn’t know she can’t leave it out?”
“Varana is rather ignorant of how human bodies work. Couple that with her nerves, and it’s really no wonder she forgot not to chill that meat. Listen: that woman is crazy for you. Do you know how much time she spends shooing away the other dragons from your desk?”
“Most of her day,” you replied.
“Exactly. She’s trying so hard because she wants you to notice her.”
“Why can’t she find someone herself? Even if it’s a fake company, she’s still an executive,” you said.
“Executive positions at Dragoncom are awarded by age. Varana got that office because she’s been lonely the longest. Once she finds someone, the next oldest dragon will get to take her place. Beyond all the work that I think you’re capable of, I must admit, part of the reason I hired you was because I thought that you two would make a nice couple. You seem like the type of man who would be patient enough to put up with her… proclivities.”
You sipped your beer, mulling over what she said. “The guys that were here before me, what happened to them?”
“They got married. We get inundated with cards around the holidays; they’re all living large with their dragon wives,” said Tilliqua.
“I don’t know if I could retire at my age,” you admitted.
“Nothing is stopping you from continuing your work. Though I’d imagine that Varana would be pulling you into her office for ‘performance reviews’ a few times a day. If you want a job, you’re free to keep working here for as long as you’d like.”
“Hmm. So…” you leaned in and hushed your voice “-what’s Varana really like? When she’s not trying to play a sexy boss, that is.”
“Maybe you should talk to her and find out,” shrugged Tilliqua. “Why, interested?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a little,” you said, picking at a crumb on the table.
Tilliqua smirked. “I knew you were the right man for the job, Anonymous. Why don’t you have a ‘business dinner’ with her later this week, and find out what you two can do for each other?”
“I guess it couldn’t hurt,” you said.
“Great! Here’s the name of her favorite restaurant. Wear something nice. And expect some shenanigans; she’s still working out the whole human thing,” said Tilliqua.
“Got it.”
“And if you’re feeling charitable, please lean into her fantasies a little bit. It would mean the world to her.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe is all I ask. I should let you go; Varana might come looking for you if she gets bored,” said Tilliqua.
“Could she find me?” you asked.
“With ease.” Tilliqua drained her mug and hopped out of the booth, giving you a pat on the shoulder. “Good luck, Anon!”
You were left alone to finish your beer, thinking about what she had said.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Varana was chewing her lip, deeply engrossed in something on her screen. You knocked on the glass. She jumped. Seizing the dragon-sized mouse, she frantically clicked a few times before leaping out of her chair to let you in.
“A-Anon! What a pleasant surprise~” she said, brushing a strand of cream-colored hair behind one of her bronze ear fins. “What can I do you? For you? What can I do for you?” she asked.
“I had some business ideas I wanted to discuss with you,” you said.
“Oh.” Varana’s eyes dimmed. “Come in,” she sighed, offering you a seat.
“I’m a little busy right now. Do you want to discuss it later? Maybe at The Furled Wing?”
The sound of typing ceased. You didn’t dare look behind you, but you knew that every dragon in the office had stood up to get a view of what was happening. Varana was stupefied. She blinked at you from behind her thick glasses, which you now realized weren’t prescription.
“M-me? Meet? Meeting? Us meet? At th- The Furled Wing?” she babbled. “For business?”
“Yeah, you know, for business. And to get to know my boss a bit better,” you said, feeling some color fill your cheeks.
“Y-yes! I’ll business there to- I mean, meet you there to business talk- talk, business? With you!” said Varana. Her tail thumped against the her seat until she seized it in her hands with a nervous smile.
“Great, can you do toni-“
“Yes!” yelped Varana.
“Alright. I’ll be there at seven,” you said.
“Me too!” Varana said, struggling to control her trembling voice.
“Great, I’ll see you then,” you said.
Varana could only squeak out a response. The second your foot was out of the door, she slammed it shut. You watched her jump up and down, screaming triumphantly. Seeing you watching her through the glass, she dove for the blinds and blocked your view. A phone rang somewhere else in the office. A chorus of cheers erupted from a gaggle of dragons. Soon there was a small crowd outside Varana’s door. She ushered them in and told them to be quiet. That ended a second later when they all began cheering in unison, jumping high enough to shake a coffee cup off your desk. The rest of the day was spent getting watched by several pairs of eyes peeking through the blinds as you worked. By the time the end of the day rolled around, a procession of smug dragons was filing out of Varana’s office.
“S-see you in a bit, Anon,” Varana said with a sloppy wink.
“See you soon,” you replied, waving goodbye.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Furled Wing was a fancy affair, to say the least. The establishment got its name from a massive stone wing carved out of the mountain the restaurant was built into. Patrons dined in the open-air seating with a sweeping view of the city below through elegant hand-carved stone arches. Even in one of your nicer suits, you still felt underdressed.
“I had a table for two?” you said to the hostess.
“Anonymous?” asked the ryu.
“That’s correct.”
“This way, please.” You followed your serpentine hostess over to a table in the corner. Curiously, the candle in the middle wasn’t lit, giving the atmosphere a dark and depressing feel. You would ask them to light it when they came by.
You sat down and checked your watch. It was seven o’clock now. Looking back at the entrance, you caught a glimpse of some familiar bronze scales. Varana swayed back and forth in the lobby, fretfully wringing her clutch. She tapped her claw for a moment longer before bursting into the floor of the restaurant. She looked around wildly before spotting you in the corner.
“Hello, Anonymous!” she declared. “As you can see, I have arrived late.”
“How fashionable,” you said. She looked stunning. Her hair had been done up into a professional looking bun. The black dress she wore complimented her scales nicely, and matched the rims of her fake glasses. Strapped to her feet were a pair of heels made for dragon claws. It looked more akin to sandal; a sole with a heel, and a lattice of straps across the top of the foot.
“You look incredible,” you said, unable to look away as she took a seat.
“Y-you too…” Varana stammered. She nervously picked up the candle. With a quick puff of flames, the table was illuminated with a romantic glow. “So, have you ever been here before?”
“No. I only got here a few days ago,” you said.
“I knew that!” Varana said quickly.
“You like coming here, don’t you? It’s a beautiful restaurant,” you said.
“Yes! I come here to discuss… business…” said Varana.
“Then you must come here often,” you laughed.
“Yes…” Varana said with a forced smile. “Um… please, let us engage in pedestrian conversation. Like humans do. And then talk about our jobs.”
“We don’t have to get into our jobs. I’m curious to learn about you,” you said.
“R-really?” Varana asked. “I thought that humans- Never mind. What do you want to know about me?” she asked, adjusting her hair.
“Why don’t you just start by telling me where you’re from?” you offered.
Varana hummed. “I was born in the mountains at the southern edge of Dragonia…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
“-And then I got a message from Dragoncom offering me a job. So I took it, and here I am,” you said.
Varana nodded politely, completely engrossed in your recounting of your ordinary life. She had glossed over the points in her life that would have been the grounds for a biography back home; adventures, exploration, rivalries, quests for gold, and involvement in several conflicts. But when you told her the story of your mundane existence, she couldn’t get enough. The interruptions were frequent as she cut you off to demand answers or clarification on human customs or culture. It was easy to see the cogs in her mind turning as she tried to process what life was really like on your side of the portal.
“I can’t believe you humans lived like that for so long…” she said.
“After seeing what magic can do? So do I,” you said. You took another bite of your fish. It was perfectly crispy on the outside while remaining flakey and moist on the inside. “What makes you so interested in humans anyways? I feel like most dragons dismiss humans entirely.”
Varana blushed and looked down at her meal. “I suppose… I think it’s beautiful that you can still find love in a world that isn’t ruled by the Demon Lord. You know, where it isn’t so easy. Seeing people able to find love without magic, finding someone who’s right for them out of the other billions of people with no help from Eros… There was something romantic about that, you know? Still being able to tell those wonderful stories of love in the absence of mamono mana. It gave me hope…”
“Hope that you could find someone?” you offered.
Varana pouted. “I- I have suitors. I’m an executive at a major company. I just don’t return their affections…” She glanced at you fretfully. Seeing you looking back at her she gulped. Adjusting her hair and clearing her throat, she rested her hands on her claws seductively. “To tell you the truth, there is one man that I’m interested in.”
“Oh?” you said, playing along.
“Y-yeah. But I really shouldn’t dabble with him. It would be a scandal…” Varana said. Her face was getting redder. You could tell by the way her brow was knit that she was working overtime to form the lines in her head.
“And why is that?” you prompted.
“He’s my subordinate, you see. It would be a breach of ethics; me taking advantage of a helpless, tractable underling. I’d be finished if my employer ever found out,” Varana lamented, with a wobbly smirk and a stilted cadence.
“How salacious,” you gasped.
“Y-yes! B-but I would do it! I’d break the rules; company be damned! He’s-“ Varana gulped “-worth it.”
“Who is he?” you asked.
“H-he’s a kind and handsome man that I’ve had my eye on since the moment he started working at Dragoncom. And he’s very capable, according to Tilliqua. Umm… he actually invited me to dinner tonight-“
“Well, I’m glad you turned him down to come dine with me. I’ve loved your company,” you said.
Varana squeaked. She chocked on a lump in her throat a few times before mustering the courage to seize your hand. “T-that’s because it is you, Anon! I- I really like you! And I want to have a relationship with you even thought we’ll get in trouble at work and have to try and keep it secret from everyone!” Despite your best attempts to act surprised, you couldn’t help but smile at her. Varana’s face blanched with fear for a moment before she recognized your smile as beatific instead of mocking. “U-um… do you want to uh, you know, kiss and… m-make love to me?”
“I’d be more than happy to have you as my performance bonus,” you said, struggling not to snicker at your own cheesy lines.
“Really?!” gasped Varana.
“I mean, I did get the idea that you were trying to give me a raise,” you said in your best debonair voice.
“Wha-? Oh! You mean- Oh!” Varana laughed nervously. “Y-yeah. You mean sexually, right? Referring to your-“
“Yes,” you said flatly, cutting her off.
Varana was beside herself. She squirmed in her chair, nervously giggling and looking back and forth between you and anywhere else in the room. “I- W-wow! It really worked! I was so scared that this was never going to happen to me! W-where’s the waiter?! I need the check! Oh, to hell with this!” Varana dumped her clutch onto the table. What must have been more than a pound of gold landed with a thud amidst the empty plates and wine glasses. “Let’s go!”
Hauling you away by the wrist, Varana made a blistering sprint for the exit. You never would have thought someone could have run so fast in heels. The ryu hostess waved goodbye as you left.
“Have a good night!” she called.
“I will!” cheered Varana.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Where did those clouds come from?” you asked, looking up at the roiling mass of black clouds headed your way.
Varana hardly slowed her pace to look up at them. “I don’t know.”
“This isn’t normal in Dragonia?” you asked.
“No.”
A peal of thunder interrupted your chatter. The sound of rain splattering against the ground approached as a curtain of water descended towards you.
“Hurry! My apartment isn’t far from here!” said Varana. She swooped a wing over you, using the other one to shield herself as the downpour washed over you. You ran hunched through the streets. Varana’s wing gently herded you around corners and down streets until you reached the lobby of an expensive-looking high rise.
“Ah! I’m soaked!” she whined, trying to peel the wet fabric of her dress away from her body.
“Yeah,” you grunted, feeling your feet squelch in your shoes.
Varana ushered you into an elevator. She hit one of the buttons, shaking a bit of water off of her wings as you both ascended.
“How long have you lived here?” you asked.
“Huh? Oh, I moved into this human apartment a few months ago,” said Varana. Her tone was frantic. She listed side to side as she waited for the elevator to arrive.
The doors opened. She dragged you down the hall to one of the doors. Varana fumbled for a set of keys, undoing several mundane locks as well as disarming a magical sigil. She threw open the door and pulled you inside.
“This is my expensive human apartment. It has windows, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a machine that can make coffee,” said Varana, proudly pointing out the features of the room.
“Very nice,” you agreed.
“Indeed. I was able to afford it with my high-paying executive job. One that allows me to afford such luxuries for myself; and for anyone with whom I might be mated with…” Varana made a small glance in your direction.
“I think someone would be very lucky to have you as a mate,” you said.
Varana’s tail wiggled happily. “Exactly! Do you wish to consume any alcohol? I have several bottles. Some are especially pungent.”
“I’m alright for now. Do you mind if I throw my clothes in your dryer?” you asked.
Varana’s wings shivered. “Y-yes! Let me get you out of those clothes. Those wet clothes…” She helped you out of your jacket. You undid your tie while Varana chewed her lip in anticipation. She seemed a bit perturbed when you left your undershirt and pants on. “Take those off as well,” she growled. She quickly corrected her snarling lip. “B-because you might get a human cold sickness if you don’t! A boss, like me, has to take care of her human underlings. And also, it means I get to tell you what to do. So, I order you to take off your shirt and pants.”
“A good boss would ask nicely and say please,” you said, pressing your luck.
Varana uttered a frustrated whine. “Please take your shirt and pants off…”
You obliged her. It was getting cold anyways. You handed the bundle of soggy clothes to Varana. She immediately dropped them on the floor and moved in on you.
“What about the dryer?” you asked.
“I don’t know how to work it. Sit on the couch,” she demanded. Without waiting for you to walk over yourself, she picked you up and set you down on the white sofa. Grabbing a bottle of wine, she used a claw to tear out the cork and pour two glasses. “Drink.”
You drank. Varana quickly pulled off her own dress, revealing a set of black lace underwear. She took a sip and feigned a swoon.
“Ooh, Anon, I, your boss, am so very inebriated. I could be easily taken advantage of…” she lamented, holding the back of her scaley hand to her forehead.
“I wouldn’t take advantage of you,” you said.
“Oh. I mean, you could…” Varana said with a pout. “Not that you’re stronger than me.”
“Of course not. I just respect you, that’s all.”
Varana’s theatrics were briefly paused as her face softened. “Really?”
“Yeah. I think you’re a good boss,” you said.
Varana tittered and squirmed. She composed herself and took a deep breath. Shaking out her hair, she pulled off her fake glasses and seductively chewed on the arm. “O-oh. Well, perhaps you would like to go to the bedroom. Where the bed is. A bed much like the one humans use to have sex. B-because I have a uh… position under me that needs… filling,” gulped Varana.
“Hmm… Are there benefits to taking that promotion?” you asked. Varana nodded. “Oh? Like what?”
“You’d be well taken care of,” Varana said softly, without a hint of coyness in her voice.
“Sounds like it’s a good deal. I think I’d be a fool not to take you up on that,” you said.
Varana’s face was bright red. “J-just so that we’re clear, that was all human inuendo for sex, right?”
“That was the idea, yes,” you confirmed.
Varana tossed her wine glass aside and scooped you up. She skittered across the marble floor to the bedroom, throwing you across the room onto the mattress. Varana pounced on you planting her claws on either side of your head.
“T-time to check your performance~” she said.
You reached up to stroke her cheek. “Here’s hoping I’m up to the task.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Rain pounded on the glass outside. Varana nuzzled deeper into your neck. “Anon?”
“Hmm?”
“Could you tell that I was interested in you? I mean, before tonight?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“Is that a bad thing?” you asked, stroking her cheek.
She held your hand in her claw. “I wanted to be suave. Like the women in those human dramas.”
“Dramas aren’t anything like real life. Besides, how often did it end well for those women?” you asked.
“I suppose. But they looked so happy when they first fell in love.”
“And you aren’t?” you asked.
“I am,” she said, kissing your cheek.
“Then does anything else matter?” you asked.
“Yes. That was so embarrassing…” she moaned, burying her face in the pillow.
“I thought it was endearing,” you said.
“What about the meat?”
“Not the meat,” you corrected.
“I’m sorry about that,” Varana said.
“We don’t need to talk about that. Ever,” you said, stroking her back.
Varana sighed, squeezing you a bit tighter. “Anon?”
“Yeah?”
“Would you be upset if I quit my job? I don’t really like work…”
“You don’t have to work if you don’t want to,” you said.
“Oh, good. I don’t really get the point of a job. It doesn’t seem very fun at all. I mostly just used the computer to watch videos.”
“I wish I could afford that mentality,” you sighed.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s a human joke,” you said.
“Oh.”
“Hey, speaking of work, do you mind if I keep working at Dragoncom?” you said.
“Why would you want to?” asked Varana, her nose crinkling in disgust at the thought of willingly doing work.
“I just need something to do. Maybe just for a few days a week,” you assured her.
“Is it because you don’t want to spend time with me?”
“I want to spend time with you. We’ll spend plenty of time together,” you promised.
“Can we go on human vacations? To human places? Places on the other side of the portal?” Varana asked, her tail wagging under the sheets.
“Sure. Why didn’t you go before?” you asked.
“They don’t let you through if they think you’ll cause trouble. And they say that dragons are ‘threats’ because some of us broke some human buildings and ‘kidnapped’ some men when the portals opened.”
“Ah. I see; I’ll show you around my world.”
“Can we watch human movies together? Not the violent ones, though,” said Varana.
“We can watch all the movies you want,” you said, kissing her forehead. Varana wriggled happily in your arms, sighing contentedly.
“Hey, Anon?”
“Yes?”
“Can you teach me human jokes?”
“Sure.”
She lifted her chin to rest it on your chest, looking up at you. “Ok, good! Cause I heard this one yesterday about a bunch of humans walking into a bar. Do you know that one?”
“You might have to be a bit more specific than that.”
“Umm… There were three of them. And a dog. Wait, no, the dog was one of them. Two humans and a dog. I think the humans were male. Does that matter? Anyways, they all go in there…”
You settled into your pillow, listening to the rain outside. It was going to be a long night. At least you had a dragon here to keep you warm.