Chapter Text
Ghosts
Amanda sighed as she heard the bathroom door open and close. There was only one person in the station who would follow her in here.
‘Amanda’ Olivia asked as she slipped some paper towels under the stall. ‘You ok?
Amanda just sighed wearily in answer. Her mouth still tasted too much like vomit to answer.
‘If Carisi’s got you pregnant again I will castrate him.’ Olivia Laughed. ‘You are not allowed to abandon me again.’
That earned Olivia a chuckling response. ‘Don't worry that's been taken care of already. Three kids is enough laundry’
‘That's a relief.’
Amanda bit the bullet and opened the stall door knowing that giving Olivia visual reassurance that she was at least alive and somewhat kicking. Even if she wasn't ready to stand up from the grungy tiles.
Olivia was prepared with a bottle of water for her sergeant and a comforting look.
‘I’m not sick’ Amanda said after taking a few sips of the water.
Olivia's raised brow argued otherwise.
‘Do you believe in Ghosts?’ Amanda asked, gazing up at her boss wearily. ‘Because I'm being haunted.’
Olivia grunted as she came down to sit by Amanda on the bathroom floor, her back and hips protesting the move.
‘What's going on?’
‘Patton died last month, I got an email from an old colleague a couple weeks back and ever since,’ Amanda cringed, not believing what she was about to say. ‘He is everywhere’
Olivia nodded, encouraging Amanda to keep talking.
‘I hear the word chief in every corridor of this place, I see his face in every stranger on the street and just now that drunk Bruno brought in, the smell of cheap scotch, well I was transported back to that night and you saw how well I am handling it.’
Olivia leant her weight to Amanda not quite hugging her but letting her body provide comfort anyway. ‘You were triggered out there’
‘I'm going crazy,’ Amanda chastened herself. ‘Sonny thinks it's the lack of sleep, and he is probably right.’
Amanda's head hit the wall behind them. Olivia flinched at the crack.
‘It's certainly not helping,’ Olivia agreed. ‘Have you talked to your therapist?’
‘Yes, I have done all the things, done all the talking, all the thinking, all the coping techniques,’ Amanda stared up at the pebbled ceiling looking desolate.
‘Nothing working huh’ Olivia teased knowingly.
‘Not at all, I know they take time but I’m losing patience, He loomed over me for far too long whilst he was alive and I hoped him dying would end this but instead’
‘He's haunting you’ Olivia finished. ‘Do you need me to drive you home, or somewhere?’
Olivia knew her sergeant would refuse. They were alike in that way. They powered through.
“No, I’ll be fine in a minute”
Olivia nodded. “Alright, but you know where I am and you should probably stay close to home today”
Amanda rolled her eyes. “Alright mom”
“Less of the cheek. I could send you home and tell your husband. I bet Carisi would love a reason to…”
“You win” Amanda interrupted much to Olivia’s amusement.
Amanda made to stand up, turning to her boss when she didn’t follow.
“You are going to have to haul my ass up” Olivia groaned. “Getting down here may have been a mistake”
Amanda laughed as she pulled Olivia up easily. ”I’m sorry for dragging you down with me”
“It’s alright, I’d rather you didn't find yourself in a hole alone. I know how hard it can be to get out” Olivia commiserated.