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Nancy didn’t leave for a long time after El’s death. Well, she couldn’t leave, not if she wanted her brother dead , too. She realized this very soon after everything, when everyone was back at the hospital.
“Mike.” She kept hearing one of his friends say it over and over in a soft tone, but she didn’t know which one of them had said it. She was too busy hyper focused on her brother to notice anything else around her. For the most part, her parents would be fine. They were being helped by the doctors, and everything seemed stable for now. Holly would be okay, too, eventually. That would take a lot longer, but she was a strong kid and she was physically safe. Mike is who she was worried for. He wasn’t listening to whichever friend was saying his name either, evidently. Instead, the emergency room where they were all piled up in, was filled with the sounds of his violent sobs. If you didn’t know the situation, if you didn’t know what was happening, you would think this poor kid was being brutally tortured. If you did know him, and you did know what was happening, you would know this is much worse than being brutally tortured for this kid. Nancy knew she was going to be staying awhile.
Nancy stayed with him in his emergency room for what felt like a very, very long time. She held him down, hard and tight. She wasn’t holding him because she needed the comfort; she didn’t even think it would comfort her brother. She held him tight so he wouldn’t disappear. She knew that if she let go, she may never see her brother again.
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Mike didn’t talk to anyone when he got back home. He didn’t talk to Nancy, or their parents, or Holly. His friends would come over for short periods of time, usually just to try to talk to their friend before realizing he wasn’t going to respond and then leaving. More than anything, it was nice to have a small break. Someone else was watching him, so her, Holly, and their mother had a small break out of the day to shower or go grab something to eat. They were all terrified to leave him alone after what happened to Eleven.
Nancy was sad about her death, of course. She didn’t know the girl too well, but she knew that she meant everything to her brother. Her being gone destroyed Mike's world in every way imaginable, and she feared he will never be the same again now. He grew up with El and loved her in a way Nancy has never seen. Her parents certainly didn’t love each other in the way those two kids loved each other. She herself had never loved anyone the way Mike loved El. She thought she did a couple times, but she didn’t. What Mike and El had was special and different, even though it was so young. It makes her mad all over again, thinking about what they took from Mike. She got mad at Vecna, wanting to kill him all over again. She felt a deep anger and hatred for those military people that made that poor girl feel like death was the only option. It made Nancy mad to think about. Maybe that’s how she coped with everything: anger. All she wanted to do was burn everyone who brought harm to her family.
Nancy realized she was gripping her water glass so hard her hand was turning white. She drank a long drink before putting the glass down, exhaling deeply. She caught herself getting angry a lot more lately. She thought that once Vecna was dead, once the Upside Down was gone, she would be less angry. She wasn't any less angry, though. She was still mad about Barb, and she was still mad for her family. She was still mad for the poor little girl who never got to have a childhood, and somehow thought that sacrificing her life was her only way out. She was still filled with anger and rage when she thought about her poor little brother upstairs who spent his days crying in the basement, mourning the love of his life at such a young age. Nancy hated the military and the government and everyone who thought it was okay to destroy these children's lives for the sake of some sick experiments. She reached over to pick up her water to get another drink before the time on the stove caught the corner of her eye. She felt a pit fall to her stomach before she heard the screaming. The same terrified scream she heard back when El had died.
Nancy was a pro at getting to the basement extremely fast, nowadays. From anywhere in the house, she has a record time in getting down there. Her parents were going to doctor's check ups looking at their wounds. Holly was over at the Sinclair’s with Erica learning how to skateboard from Max. Dustin had come over a little while ago, which is why Nancy decided to go upstairs and get a drink. Things had been quiet, they usually were when people had come over to visit Mike. Well, it was quiet just up until the time hit 11:11, and you can hear Mike's screams from the neighbors house. Maybe it was a good thing he stayed in the basement, though Nancy knew being down there didn’t help his grief. He was waiting for her down there.
“Mike.” Nancy said, loud and stern. She knew he wasn’t going to respond at this point, but she wanted him to know she was there.
“El,” he choked out, rocking back and forth on the floor with Dustin behind him, tears falling down his face as he tried to comfort his friend, an awkward hand on his back.
“It’s Nancy,” she said, sitting down in front of the boy and putting a hand on his shoulder.
“I miss…” He choked out a deep sob, hiccuping slightly. You could barely hear him through the sobs. Nancy felt her own eyes water up and her stomach felt tight and sick. “El.” Nancy didn’t know what to say at first so she put an arm around him. She put her other arm around Dustin and held both boys close. She listened to them both cry, and she felt all angry again. She was used to Mike crying by now, but she still hated it so much. She hated how sad he was all the time now.
“She didn’t deserve it,” Dustin said finally, after a while of small muffled tears, trying to be brave for Mike. Everyone tried to be brave around him, and Nancy wasn’t sure if it was working.
“No, she didn’t,” Nancy replied. “She was just a kid, like you two.” Mike sobbed harder, a gut-wrenching sob that made Nancy pull him closer subconsciously.
“She wasn’t like us,” Dustin was hiccuping now, reaching over and holding Mike. “She deserved better than all of us. She saved us, she was the hero of the story.” Mike made a choking gurgling noise then attempted to wipe his face.
“This.. this isn't a.. st… story,” He choked out. “She’s gone. She’s gone… she’s gone… they.. She’s gone again. She’s gone.” Nancy held onto her brother’s t-shirt, tight. Someone deserves to pay for this.
“Fuck the stupid fucking government,” Dustin said, angrily, though he was still crying and hugging onto Mike like both their lives depended on it. “Fuck them for what they did to all of us. Fuck them for what they did to you. Fuck them for what they did to El.” Nancy fullheartedly agreed. She didn’t know how, but she wished she could do something. She knew no amount of anger or violence would save Mike, though. What happened to him was irreversible. Unless they could somehow magically bring El back, he would be broken forever.
“I want to burn them all to the ground,” Nancy said anyway because it’s still how she felt, and Dustin was like her in a lot of the same ways. It may not help Mike, but she knew Dustin got angry to cope, like her. Although it probably wasn’t the best coping mechanism, she knew someone being angry with her would’ve made her feel better. She was trying her best; she didn’t really know what she was doing.
“Let’s do it,” Dustin wasn’t crying anymore. He had an angry look in his eyes that Nancy recognized. “Let’s burn it all to the ground. Fuck all of them.”
“Stop,” Mike didn’t seem to be crying anymore. “Stop.” Now both her and Dustin were looking at him.
“She’s gone,” He repeated, taking in a deep sharp breath like saying the words physically hurt him. “We can’t bring her back. She.. she said it’s not a story. It’s not a story, Dustin. She’s dead.” He started crying again, after he finished the words. It was the most he’d talked since they got back home after everything. Neither Dustin nor Nancy responded, they just held him as the three of them all cried. After about another hour, Mike fell asleep on the couch. It was the longest he’d let one of his friends over since El.
“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Dustin whispered after Mike had fallen asleep. He was sitting there looking at Mike’s comics quietly, but Nancy noticed he was paying more attention to his sleeping friend than the comics.
“Probably not,” Nancy responded matter-of-factly. “None of us would be okay if that had happened to us.” Dustin nodded quietly.
“She was one of my best friends,” he said. “I can’t… I can’t even get over… Eddie.” He had tears in his eyes again, so Nancy moved closer to him.
“It’s fucked up you have to mourn your friends,” Nancy whispered, feeling a tightness in her chest. She remembered Barb. She always remembers Barb. It’s something she doesn’t think she’ll ever get over. “I don’t know if it’s ever going to get better, to be honest.” She feels like she can be honest with Dustin. She didn’t have to baby him or sugarcoat it; he knows exactly what it feels like to lose a best friend. Dustin really is a lot like her.
“It probably won’t get better,” Dustin responded, flipping through a comic without looking at it, eyes fixated on Mike. “We can’t let their memories die, any of them. Eddie, Eleven.” He paused.
“Barb,” He was looking at Nancy now, smiling a sad smile with tears falling down his face again. “None of them will be forgotten.” She nodded without saying anything. She had a piece she was working on about everything, sitting up in her room written down on pieces of notebook paper. She’s scared to show anyone it. Of course, she’s even more scared to actually publish it anywhere. Surely, she’d go missing herself if she put out an article about the horrible government experiments on pregnant women and wrote about all of the citizen deaths they covered up. Nancy thought about publishing it anyways, going down guns blazing if they came after her. At least everyone will know how fucked up everything really is. Nobody would believe her, though. Nobody would ever believe any of them about the government experimenting on a girl with super powers who saved the world then killed herself so nobody would ever come for her again. She decided to keep her writings about everything put away instead, and she focuses on making sure her little brother doesn’t follow in the suit of his deceased girlfriend.
“You can… stay here awhile, if you want,” Nancy whispered, looking away from Mike to look at Dustin. “It’s just going to be me and him all day. He’s probably going to be asleep most of the day anyways because he was up all night…” She didn’t say it was because he was waiting for her, for El. That’s why he stays in the basement, she knows it. He sits down here all day in desperate hope that she might show back up. It breaks Nancy’s heart.
“So, you don’t wanna be alone and you want some company,” Dustin grinned his famous grin, and Nancy smiled for the first time since the hospital. It was a fleeting, short happiness where it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her existence. She thought she’d never see her family all together again, after the vision Vecna showed her and her parents were attacked and Holly went missing. Seeing everyone together at the hospital was like finally being able to breathe, but she’s felt numbness ever since getting back. There’s not a deep unsettling feelings knowing her family was okay but they were all messed up now, especially Mike though Holly was still pretty fucked up after being trapped in a psycho’s brain. She really hadn’t felt happy and relaxed in a long, long time.
“Yes,” Nancy said finally. “You’re good company.” She was smiling back at him because his smile was truly infectious. Dustin grinned then tilted his head.
“Can you order us pizza?” He asked and she laughed, nodding. She’ll probably never say no to him, that kid deserved a million pizzas and more. They all did.
“Yes,” She smiled and stood up to go get the phone to order it. She paused as she looked over and saw pieces of something all over the floor. She paused and bent down to look at it.
“Oh yah,” The smile faded from Dustin’s face as he spoke. “I forgot… Mike he um… he broke that earlier.” Nancy nodded, remembering what time it had been earlier. She sighed sadly and picked up the little broken clock, setting it down on the table. She didn’t even need to check what time the clock said. She knew what time it said when he had broken it.
“I’m going to go order the pizza,” She said, mumbling slightly so she wasn’t sure if Dustin even heard her. She didn’t wait for a response, either, she just walked quietly back upstairs to grab the phone. She didn’t think Mike would ever be the same. He was broken in a way she has never been and in a way she couldn’t fix. He had his life, the future he had planned out, ripped away from him all at once. Nancy was never one to want marriage and kids and that normal life that her parents had. She never craved it, not the way people like Steve craved it. Her brother wanted that, though. He was so close to having it, too. Although she was older, she knew that Mike was always closer to that life than she was. He was already mapping out being with El forever, and now he will never have that. Nancy will never understand what that feels like, and she’ll never be able to take that pain away from him. She wished she could. She wished she could take all of his pain for herself, but she doesn’t even know what the pain he’s experiencing feels like. She felt angry and depressed knowing her little brother hurts that much; she loved Mike. For now, she chooses to just stay with him until he’s able to be okay again so she doesn't lose her brother.
For now, all she can do is order the pizza and go back downstairs with it. She can push away the broken clock that now reads 11:11 permanently. She can sit there in the dark basement watching movies with Dustin while they wait for Mike to wake up. She can offer Mike leftover pizza, knowing that he’ll say no but still asking anyway because he needs to eat. She can be there for him for now. She’ll sit with him long after Dustin leaves, holding him as he cries and sitting with him through the night as he waits for El to come back. She’ll stay with him and sleep with him and hold him so he doesn’t disappear too. Maybe someday Mike will be okay to be alone, but for now she will stick with him until he is. At least taking care of him gives her something to do to keep her mind off of how angry she is. Maybe her anger will be better someday, too.