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Men.
In my opinion they’re the most vile and evil creatures to exist. I’m sure not all, but enough since many can relate.
One of the first men you encounter is your father or a close male figure depending on your circumstances but almost always a family member.
I have a father, he was deployed for the military right after I was born and I have a step dad.
I love both of them, both have strong narcissism problems just on different spectrums.
My father’s narcissism comes from him coming from money and thinking he’s smarter and better than everyone—everyone says we’re alike but when I think of him I think of this so is that how I’m perceived. He’s quite condescending when he talks and every time he speaks it’s like he’s silently calling you stupid since he knows everything.
Words I heard about myself (not by my father since he was away for a large portion of my life) were “miss perfect”, “know it all”, “fucking smartass”, “spoiled brat”, “selfish self centered fuck”, “ungrateful ass motherfucker”, “you’ll be a hell of a lawyer when you’re older”—that’s code for you’re a “argumentative” bitch but you’re 10 so I can’t call you that.
My dad on the other hand is on the other side of the narcissist scale. He’s rude, arrogant, and an ass 9 times out of 10. One minute he’s fine the next he’s raising hell because if he’s not happy we all have to be unhappy. He makes everything about him and it’s like tiptoeing around him all the time. One wrong move and it’s like hell on earth.
Can’t talk with the slightest bit of emotion in your tone because that’s disrespectful, can’t talk when any “adult” is talking because you’re a child that’s disrespectful to talk or put your own two cents in even if the conversation applies or is about you, you can’t wear pajamas to the fucking Walmart because it’s “embarrassing to go out with you”, you can’t look at them in their face while they’re talking to you because “you look stupid like you’re asking for sympathy”, but you can’t not look at them or else you’re not even listening to them.
Everyone’s always tired and sad and miserable because of “life”—not to make everything about me but I’m pretty sure life is code for me.
From that large paragraph about my dad you probably thought I was gonna say “life” was him right? Wrong. It’s me, I’m the cause of majority of him and my mothers arguments, I’m the reason my sister is so depressed and closed off, because she’s jealous I have a relationship with my real dad unlike her and she resents the fact my mother “favors” me so she raises hell for everyone following in our dads footsteps.
Im the problem, it’s me.
My mother was a teen mom, she was 15-17. It must’ve been rough, her mother was super religious and big in the church yet here her already troublemaking daughter was pregnant.
Being reminded all the time I’m a mistake and not worth shit by my sister or dad does bother me, sure I nod and awkwardly smile but it hurts. I’m always the one who tolerates everything.
Due to everyone thinking I’m favored my sister and dad make it a mission to knock me down a peg since I already get everything—wow my mom just shows me love because I don’t cause her additional stress unlike them.
My sister, 12 years old and already has had more relationships than years on her life. She’s always online chatting with random strangers, has online dated and lied about her age. I tried to stop her and talk sense into her but she won’t listen I mean why would she, her perfect sister is trying to tell her what to do. The claim is “only they understand me” like I haven’t always tried to help her.
For the record, talking to 18 year olds at 12 isn’t cute. But then again what would I, the dumb spoiled little bitch who gets everything know?
In addition to those already mentioned, I want to shout out my mother, while she wasn’t and still isn’t perfect she tries. And I applaud her for that, no matter how bad it gets she tries. I’m always there with her no matter what and I have a genuine respect for her that everyone else in the house lacks.
On the other hand, I think if my dad knew why he’s still here, every time he yells at me it would be replaced with thanks. Though now that I think about it he always talks about how much he hates us (mostly me) and how he regrets being here so I doubt it.
Now that we’re at this point you might hate me for what I did, say I “did it to myself”, but you have to understand he was the most prominent father figure in my life and I thought maybe the guy I grew up with was still in there somewhere.
The only reason he’s still here with us—my dad—was because after he threw our dining room table at our Christmas tree and whatnot (I was at school so I’m unsure what all happened) my mother was ready to leave, ready to say fuck you and leave. We were going to get him Chinese food since he was paying and even though they hadn’t spoken in days she still went to go get it. I cried thinking about losing my dad, the man who raised me.
I couldn’t fathom a life without him, no matter how hard he is on me I couldn’t think about life without seeing him again. I cried to my mother told her I didn’t want him to leave us, I didn’t want to not have a dad.
I did do this to myself, I know I shouldn’t have, I know I did this to my mother—make her life worse and even more unhappy… all because I was selfish and couldn’t let go.
So maybe I am a selfish little bitch who only thinks of herself
Maybe I am the problem and the reason everyone is always on edge
maybe I am