Chapter Text
[May 3, 2240, 3 days after James Tiberius Kirk successfully hacked the transporter and met with his only friend Spock]
Jimmy:
Spock!
Spock:
This is Spock. May I ask who is contacting me?
Jimmy:
It’s Jimmy Kirk.
Mommy got me a comm of my own so I can talk to you.
Cool, right?
Spock:
I cannot comment on the temperature of the device.
I am pleased I am now able to contact you privately, however.
How are you?
Jimmy:
Alright. Kinda mad I couldn’t stick around for longer.
Mommy says I’m pouting.
Spock:
Pouting? I do not know the word.
Jimmy:
A pout is an expression.
It tends to denote displeasure.
Spock:
I do not understand.
Jimmy:
[Image: Jimmy is staring into the camera of his comm, eyes downcast his lower lip pushed out. His arms are crossed.]
This is a pout. Well, it’s an acting pout. But pouts kind of look like this.
Spock:
No Vulcan would make such an expression.
Jimmy:
No Vulcan would make an expression, Spock.
Spock:
Certainly not.
I notice you have altered the font of the word ‘an’. Why did you do this?
Jimmy:
To add emphasis.
If I were talking I would stress the word to add humor to the sentence.
Spock:
A Human trait.
Jimmy:
What, humor?
That’s crud. You’re a riot, Spock.
Spock:
That is a metaphor I do not understand, nor do I understand the word ‘crud’.
Jimmy:
I can tell we’ll be having a lot of conversations like this.
[May 6, 2240]
Jimmy:
Here.
[HoloFile attached: the.princess.bride.1987.hvid]
Spock:
This is the classic holo you spoke of during your visit.
Jimmy:
Yeah. You should watch it.
Spock:
Explain your reasoning.
Jimmy:
Simple, Spock. Cultural exchange.
Terran humor is sort of difficult to grasp. This particular holo focuses on stereotypes, wordplay, and puns, all wrapped up into a really interesting story.
If you’ve got any questions, message me.
Spock:
Fascinating.
Thank you, James. I shall endeavor to offer something appropriately Vulcan in exchange.
Jimmy:
Bring it on.
[May 7, 2240]
Jimmy:
You sent me poetry.
Spock:
Vulcans rarely create visual recordings, and I do not believe you would enjoy our audio representations of our history.
Jimmy:
It’s in Vulcan.
Spock:
The Princess Bride was in Standard.
I apologize, I did not realize the original Vulcan would be difficult for you. I shall endeavor to find a Standard translation for you.
Jimmy:
No, no, don’t worry.
I’ll figure it out.
Good practice, right?
Spock:
Indeed.
I have a question on the topic of Miracle Max.
Jimmy:
Shoot.
Spock:
Shoot?
Jimmy:
Shoot= ask me the question, I don’t mind.
Spock:
Fascinating. The Human propensity for violent metaphor is quite foreign to Vulcan speech.
Jimmy:
What’s your question, Spock?
Spock:
I understand that Miracle Max and his wife are what Humans refer to as a stereotype, but I do not quite understand what they are meant to be a stereotype of.
Jimmy:
Oh.
Well, Miracle Max is a Jew.
It’s kind of a mean stereotype.
But it’s cool because Mel Brooks was a Jew, so it’s fine.
At least, that’s what Mommy says.
Spock:
What is a Jew?
Jimmy:
A person of the Jewish religion.
They believe in God, an all-knowing, all-powerful, perfect being that created the Earth in seven days.
Their belief spawned most other Western religions on Earth.
Except for Scientology, who died out when the Vulcans landed. Thanks for that, by the way.
Spock:
There is a stereotype for a religious belief?
Jimmy:
Yeah. I don’t know all the details, but this specific caricature is based on the Jewish population of New York City. The accent, the mannerisms— it’s all from that area.
Other parts of the stereotype are less nice. Big noses, money-grubbing, kind of rude… Those stereotypes are older. Like, Dark Ages older. They’re really mean.
Spock:
I do not understand why a natural physical feature and fiscal responsibility are not appropriate things to point out.
Jimmy:
It’s all in about the context. It’s really hard to explain unless you know the history, and I only know parts of it.
It’s really sad.
Spock:
I am intrigued by this historical context. Could you possibly send me some literature, or perhaps a holovid on the subject of Jews?
Jimmy:
I mean I can, if you’re really interested.
Gimme a minute.
Spock waits, and approximately three minutes later, he is inundated with files.
Jimmy:
[HoloFile attached: the.prince.of.egypt.1998.hvid]
[HoloFile attached: the.pianist.2002.hvid]
[HoloFile attached: the.boy.in.the.striped.pajamas.2008.hvid]
[HoloFile attached: schindlers.list.1993.hvid]
[HoloFile attached: the.diary.of.anne.frank.hdoc]
[HoloFile attached: the.book.thief.hdoc]
[HoloFile attached: torah.hdoc]
This is everything I found. The first link is probably one of the most important stories in Judaism. Even if it’s an animated musical, it’s considered one of the most accurate depictions of the story.
At least, from a religious perspective.
The last link is a copy of the Torah, which is the Jewish religious text.
Some of these holos are really intense. I say that with the knowledge that you’re a Vulcan and have your emotions under control, but
They’re intense.
Spock:
Thank you, James. I will bear that in mind.
Jimmy:
If you need something a little lighthearted to break up the horrible truths of my species, I recommend this:
[HoloFile attached: scooby.doo.where.are.you.1969.1978.hvid]
Spock:
I doubt it will be necessary.
[May 11, 2240]
Spock:
My mother told me something quite fascinating yesterday evening.
Jimmy:
Really?
What did she tell you?
Spock:
I inquired as to her knowledge of Judaism in the context of Terran culture. She informed me that I am Jewish by religious doctrine.
It appears that in their culture, the religion itself is inherited through the mother, and my mother is of Jewish heritage.
Jimmy:
That’s pretty cool.
Technically Mommy’s Jewish, but we don't really practice.
Mommy thinks religion is stupid.
And Christmas is easier in space.
Spock:
It certainly is illogical.
Jimmy:
I guess.
So what did you think of the stuff I sent you.
Spock:
You were correct that the subject matter was… intense.
I find it interesting that even before my Mother informed me of my apparent heritage I was moved by this history.
Jimmy:
Of course you were.
You aren’t made of stone.
The Holocaust is a dark piece of Human history.
Did you watch any Scooby Doo?
Spock:
I did not think canines could speak.
[June 3, 2240]
Jimmy:
[HoloFile attached: the.once.and.future.king.hdoc]
[HoloFile attached: monty.python.holy.grail.1975.hvid]
So here’s my next movie for you.
It’s hilarious, but also complicated.
The book is for the context of the plot.
King Arthur’s pretty amazing.
Spock:
King Arthur is from a folk tale, I believe. You have mentioned him before.
Jimmy:
Have I?
Cool. Well, technically there’s lots of versions of his story, but this is the one I like best.
Holy Grail is a comedic retelling of the story.
Actually, the King Arthur connection is almost coincidental.
Python focuses more on complete silliness.
Like Mel Brooks except weirder.
And English.
Spock:
Understood.
[July 14, 2240]
Jimmy:
So what did you think of Watchmen?
Spock:
It was interesting.
Jimmy:
I’m sensing some hesitancy here.
You know you don’t have to like everything I send you, right?
Watchmen is kind of demented, I know.
The comics are even weirder, believe it or not.
Spock:
You say it is a favorite of yours, yet you are so critical.
Jimmy:
Well, yeah.
The whole movie’s critical
Watchmen is a cautionary tale.
One that Earth didn’t take to heart.
Do you get it?
Spock:
Yes.
Jimmy:
No, you don’t. I can feel it.
Spock:
That is the second time you have responded in such a way.
Jimmy:
Yeah, I meant to ask about something.
Sometimes I swear I could feel you in my head.
What’s up with that?
Spock:
I have noticed something similar. I believe it may be a minor bond of some kind. It was most likely formed sometime during your last visit.
Jimmy:
Oh.
So, you’re feeling what I’m feeling right now?
Spock:
If you are feeling particularly hungry, then yes.
Jimmy:
That’s so cool.
Spock:
I do not understand what temperature has to do with this conversation.
Jimmy:
Funny.
Still, that’s pretty awesome. It’s almost like you’re around.
Except not, because if you were around I’d be kicking your butt in kal toh.
Spock:
It is intriguing how you believe your skill has so quickly overtaken mine.
Jimmy:
Better watch out, Spock. Next time, I’m gonna win.
Spock:
Perhaps.
[August 23, 2240]
Spock:
James?
James, something is wrong. What has happened?
Jimmy:
Nothing, Spock.
Spock:
You are lying.
Jimmy:
I’m fine, really.
I just had a thought and it made me sad.
Spock:
What was the thought?
Jimmy:
It’s stupid.
Spock:
You are rarely stupid.
Jimmy:
Thanks.
Spock:
James.
Tell me what is the matter.
Jimmy:
I just remembered I miss you.
I told you it was stupid.
Spock:
It is not stupid, James.
I would prefer you to be closer as well.
Jimmy:
You’re a good friend.
Spock:
Do you not believe me?
Jimmy:
No, I believe you.
I mean, I can feel your being honest.
I’m just sad.
Spock:
Do not be. I am with you, even if it is only in a mental capacity.
[December 24, 2240]
Jimmy:
[HoloFile attached: a.study.of.the.vulcan.epic.the.peace.of.surak.by.james.tiberius.kirk.hdoc]
Merry Christmas, Spock.
It took me a little longer than expected, but I did it.
Spock:
I did not realize you were reading The Peace of Surak. I had sent that text months ago.
You wrote an essay.
Jimmy:
Technically it’s a dissertation.
But yeah.
Spock:
I did not expect this.
Jimmy:
Well I wanted to just talk about it when I finished.
But then I got invested in my note-taking.
And I figured you might appreciate an orderly explanation of my conclusions in honor of the reading material.
It’s 258 pages long.
Excluding the bibliography.
Because I was invested
It’s my Christmas present.
Spock:
Vulcans do not celebrate Christmas, but I appreciate the sentiment.
I look forward to reading your gift. You always prove to have a fascinating take on concrete subjects.
Jimmy:
That’s because I’m crazy.
Gotta go. We’re putting up the tree in the rec room right now and the Captain wants a picture.
Spock:
Thank you, James.
Jimmy:
Welcome.