Chapter Text
Great Job, Dumbass.
(A “Saiki Kusuo no Sai-nan” one-shot [or not?] fanfiction.)
It is reccommended to listen to “Life In A Glasshouse” by Radiohead during this chapter. (But not immediately.)
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Every day, I have to deal with nusiances. I wish they’d leave me alone. But the most dangerous one is currently the one pestering me the most. That’s right, Teruhashi’s surpassed Nendo in trying to get my attention for the past week now.
Where’s Saiki?
Speaking of… she’s right around the bend. I guess I’ll teleport- wait!
Kaidou’s there too. He’s about to come up. I’ve got to go- now!
“Huh? Did he just- No, I must be imagining things. You think about Saiki so much that you think you see him out of the corner of your eye. But it seemed like he was there.”
I’ve made a huge mistake. Letting Teruhashi see me use my powers. I can’t just erase her memory, as she’s been fiddling with it in her mind vividly enough and long enough so I can’t erase it without there still being traces. I can’t use my more noticable powers near her now. Good greif.
[Start music here.]
I can’t use my powers now. And I’ve already found my first problem- getting down from the roof. But it will look weird if someone comes down from the stairs that lead to the roof. Luckily, no one’s there. If no one sees me go back to the class- Easy, easy. Just pretend you were walking around-
“Hey pal! There you are! I was about to ask you if you wanted to go get ramen after school!”
I almost forgot about having to deal with everyone else. Oh boy.
-Dealing with Kaidou.-
“Hey Saiki, do you feel a strong force today?”
This one’s easy. He can simply be ignored. Plus, Kuboyasu’s about to wick him away. For Nendo, though...
-Dealing with Nendo.-
“So, you never answered me! Wanna get ramen?”
Fine, fine. I’ll go get ramen with you. I need to be somewhere Teruhashi couldn’t possibly be. That is, a perfectly decent ramen shop.
Is this how it’s going to be?
~~~
It’s been about a week since I’ve been on high alert. Teruhashi has tried to talk to me but I try to avoid her, and act like I don’t care when she manages to pin me down, that is, in class. My dumb face is starting to lose its effect. Her thoughts are persistent- she will not give up on the what ifs. Again and again I’ve tried to use my mind control to get her to forget, but she’s stubborn and is committed to toss and turn about this. It’s like when I tried to get her to sleep in Okinawa. It won’t work. Fine. I’ll confront her-
“So, Teruhashi! Did we ever agree on doing kareoke this weekend?”
Thanks, Yumehara, but I didn’t really need you to buy me time. Although, this does give me a better chance to plan things out.
“Huh? Oh, sorry, Chiyo. Something came up, so I can’t go.” And by something, I’m going to figure out why Saiki seems even more distant!
I’ll confront her, not. I’ll appear as my female self. If I confront her bluntly explaining that I have psychic powers, she’ll flip out and it would be impossible to infuence her thoughts then. But if I randomly become a girl, it would be so weird and obvious that her mind would take anything. This is when I would put both “Saiki was always a girl” and “Saiki never had psychic powers.”
~~~~~~~~~
My parents know about this ability and won’t think much.
“Welcome home, Ku! How was school?”
Okay.
There’s no going back for a while. Toritsuka will probably chase after me. Kaidou and Nendou’s minds won’t even resist. Here goes. At least Teruhashi will stop thinking about me. So will the other Teruhashi. There’s that too. Okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey, Kus- You aren’t Kusuo!”
No, I’m still Saiki Kusuo. Or Kuriko. Well, either or. Call me whichever, Dad.
“Okay… Kuriko.” He was born a girl, but became a boy right after. I never thought he would become a girl again.
It’s a long story.
“Alright.”
Well you have a psychic son, Kuniharu. Why are you surprised?
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Now, I’m about to encounter everyone before school. So,
Saiki was always a girl.
(Saiki was always a girl.)
((Saiki was always a girl.))
(((Saiki was always a girl.)))
And she never had psychic powers.
(Never had psychic powers.)
((Never had psychic powers.))
(((Never had psychic powers.)))
There. That should do it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~One week later~
Saiki always looks so lonely. Maybe I should talk to her?
This isn’t going to change much, is it? Will Teruhashi hound me forever, no matter what I am? But everything’s still fine, somewhat. Kaidou has toned down a bit on his eighth-grader-syndrome a bit around me, and Nendo, as expected, doesn’t remember how we became “friends.” Toritsuka has gotten quite creepy, but I keep him under control.
“Hello, Saiki. Me and some friends were going to go to a mixer, but one of us can’t go, so do you want to go in her place?” I can’t put my finger on it, but I feel like I used to think a lot about Saiki. But I wouldn’t like her that way, girl or guy. So what happened?
Sure, then. What day and time?
I guess I’ll distract her.
Great job, dumbass.
[Hey! The music hasn't finished!]
[Yeah, yeah, okay. Chapter 2 comes soon.]
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