Chapter Text
“Why don’t you take a swan dive off the roof and pray for a quirk in your next life!” Bakugou blew up Midoriya’s notebook, then threw it out of the window.
—
”No, I don’t think someone quirkless can be a hero,” All Might patted Midoriya’s shoulder. “But I believe you can still be a police man or have any other job besides heroics, young man. It is perfectly acceptable to have these jobs, heroics is a dangerous field to get into.”
—
“Kacchan!” Midoriya threw himself towards the sludge villain, trying with all his might to save Katsuki. The momentarily shock of the villain giving Bakugou some leeway to breathe.
The heroes, finally out of their trance, tried to get Midoriya to get back and be at a safe distance from the fight. This was until All Might appeared, punching the villain until all his jelly was scattered all over Japan.
—
“Deku!!” Bakugou growled. “I didn’t need your fucking help, got that! Why can’t you fucking grasp that you’ll never be anything but a useless, quirkless deku!”
—
Izuku Midoriya was now freshly 18, quirkless, and alone, now that his mother kicked him out the house. Inko felt so tired everyday having Izuku around, not only did she do double shifts to support both of them, she also did this for little pay, as her workplace got word that she had a quirkless son. She already did so much for him considering his misgivings, I guess that kindness got cut the moment he turned 18, as he’s no longer her responsibility.
The sky was filled with different hues of yellows and reds, with the horizon tinging to a navy signifying that it was about to turn night. Izuku was on his way back from his job in the convenience store when he saw a bill board. “Class 3A graduates U.A. A Bright Future Awaits Them! Plus Ultra!” Behind the letters showed 18 students, with their homeroom teacher looking relaxed and fulfilled, as his problem children finally became fully fledged heroes. In a whole different universe, Izuku stands alongside them, grinning a brilliant smile, but alas, our Izuku feels nothing but emptiness as he gazed towards these figures.
“I guess, Kacchan made it, huh.” Izuku murmured to himself. “I knew he would be a great hero.”
And he fully believed it, he has been by his side the longest, he’s seen him when they were in diapers, to the days when Katsuki was still kind. And from videos he’d seen over the course of 3 years, Katsuki Bakugo became more softer with his peers. Any by-stander wouldn’t understand how much he grew, but to Izuku, it was clear how much his class made an impact on him, and how much he didn’t need Izuku to be in his life. Izuku couldn’t help but think that the only reason that Kacchan became so explosive was because of him. After all, the moment he was finally out of Kacchan’s side, he became less rough around the edges, he grew stronger, and he actually found his people, friends that care about him. All while Izuku has been drifting away.
Where did it all go wrong? He thinks. Afterall, all he ever did was be nice. He tried his hardest to be kind to everyone, when that didn’t work, he became more secluded, more reserved but even then, all that got him was a beating, and now that he was an adult, he doesn’t even have a path he wants to pursue. All he ever thought about was being a hero, but even his #1 hero told him it was hopeless.
Izuku wasn’t able to go to highschool, with all the red marks in his transcript, he was forced to get a job. It was hard to find one that would hire a quirkless person, much less keep them for more than a few months. Which made him so thankful for his current job.
Izuku walked mindlessly, Kacchan and his friends in his mind, wishing that he was a part of it. He bumped against people but they payed him no mind, Izuku looked haggard, looking like he had a battle with his hair, and lost. His figure already hunched over himself, so even if they thought to reprimand him, they felt too much pity for the man. So before he knew it, he found himself walking towards an abandoned building. To others, it was just a raggedy building, in the outskirts of the industrial area in Japan, but to Izuku, this was where everything fell apart. He was in front of the building that All Might dropped him off at. Where his dream of becoming a hero became unachievable, and where he planned to end it all.
His heart lurched from the memories that flashed in his mind. With slight hesitation, he decides to go in the abandoned building and climbed up the stairs, taking his time to look at every nook and cranny of the place, he wanted to memorize this feeling he has in the bottom of his stomach, this melancholic ache that wrapped around his heart.
His hands reached to the doorknob at the very top, he squeezed and then pushed. Finding himself a sight to behold. The sky now shaded with blues and dots of white sprinkled all over. His eyes started to tear up, Izuku's eyes trailed down to the space of the building, he found himself walking towards the edge of the building.
Izuku sat down, removing his red, primordial shoes to be next to him and just admired the view in front of him, breathing in till his chest was full, and then exhaling till his eyes starts to water again. Before he ends, he at least wants to enjoy the last few moments he has left, of this peace, where all his problems don't matter.
Izuku sat there and thought. He doesn’t know if he can go through with this plan, after all, he went here on impulse. He never actually thought that the words in his notebook would even come out of their pages, but here he was, back on this rooftop.
Midoriya Izuku, after the All Might incident, was never the same again. He was no longer the teen that would have his eyes light up at the mere mention of heroes, no, ever since he met All Might, he stopped his Hero Analysis for the Future. He would drift and let his mind wander, till he finds himself ”waking up” to his classmates using their quirk on him or at random points of his life. Although, after the Sludge incident, Bakugo Katsuki stopped targeting him, so Izuku thought that this was a plus. But this doesn’t change the fact that that day happened, the worst day he’s ever had, the beginning to an end.
It was one of the nights he was disassociating that he finally decided to make his notebook, “My Ideal End.”
Izuku never really wanted to have this kind of notebook in his possession, but he was always an overthinker. The first words in it were actually written to prevent him from going back to his dissociative state.
1. Getting caught up in a hero fight and then using his body to take a hit for the hero or a civilian.
He didn’t write the obvious reason to die, it hit too close to his heart to even envision it in his mind right now. But still, thanks to this, he was able to get back to reality. And over time, he became so reliant on this list to keep him grounded that his hands would start to itch whenever he felt that he would drift again.
Thump, a noise was heard behind Izuku, causing him to stop his musings to his current predicament. Izuku turned his head to the side, trying to catch whatever made the noise.
“Who’s there?” After all these years, Izuku became more hollow, his tone sounded so dead inside, and in a way, a part of him was.
“Hey,” a man voices out, slowly coming closer towards Izuku. “Can I ask why you’re standing by the ledge when you’re supposed to be at home? Don’t you have school tomorrow, kid?”
Izuku scoffs, “I’m not a kid, I turned 18 already. I’m probably the same age as you.”
The man was surprised, this kid, man, this man looked so frail and small, he looked at most, 16 years old just from looking at his hunched figure. Even so, he approached till he was a few feet away from him, waiting as if any sharp movement would cause the green haired man to make a decision he might regret making.
“Can I sit there?” Hypnos points next to Izuku. Izuku just shrugs and lets him do what he wants. Izuku sees that the man was wearing a scarf and darkish clothing. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought that this was Eraserhead. But that couldn’t be because he retired from pro hero work when Kacchan’s class became third years. His lack of an eye and leg, as well as the exposure he got from all the attacks made it less ideal for him to patrol.
“Can I ask why you’re here, Mr. Hypnos?” Izuku fiddled with his hands. “Shouldn’t you be with your class, celebrating your graduation?”
Hypnos’s eyebrows tilt upwards, not expecting to be recognized. After all, he was an underground hero, and even after all the stuff that happened in their first year, he was never actually in the limelight. Hypnos’ shoulders tense up a little, but he forced himself to release his tension. He’d rather not think of this man to be a villain when he looked so wrecked and done with life. Not when Hitoshi himself looked similar to him in the years he was still with his bio parents.
“Yea, but big crowds aren’t really my thing.” Hypnos shrugs, moving his eyes away from the boy, and focuses it on the sky. “Can I ask why you’re here? You atleast have a reason to be up here right?”
Izuku’s hands pause for a second, then he inhales, and before he can think against it, he tells him why he’s here.
”Um, I actually don’t know. I guess I saw an old friend..?” Izuku’s voice went up a pitch, then continued what he was saying. “I saw him from afar, and I guess saw how much we grew apart. How he’s so much better without me, now that I’m not a thorn by his side. And I don’t know, before I knew it, I was on here and.. yeah.”
Hypnos has a feeling that that wasn’t the full story but he didn’t want this man to feel trapped so he lets the silence linger for a few minutes.
Izuku, feeling a little guilty for the omission, decides to explain it a little more. “I guess, I don’t know how things got so wrong. I don’t know what to do with my life, now that I’m all alone now. I feel like there’s no reason for me to be here, when all I ever was was be someone’s stepping stool.”
“Hey man,” Hypnos exhales. This was hitting a little too close to home. From the moment he arrived on the roof, he already saw the red shoes beside the man. “I know how that feels.”
Hitoshi, now aware of Izuku’s staring, starts scratching on his jaw, the place where his muzzle used to stab at him. “I know how this might sound, hearing this from a ‘hero,’” Hitoshi did quotation marks with his fingers. “But I did get a lot of shit for having a quirk like mine. After the treatment they gave me, I had a few issues with how I feel about myself and my quirk. I even got so close to thinking that THIS,” he motions to the ledge, “was my only way out.”
Izuku’s hands clenched together, “Huh, yea. I get that.”
And he does, because wasn’t that his life? But Hypnos got the help he needed, and was able to achieve the goals he wanted in life. That was one thing that set them apart. But even so, he felt seen for the first time in his life, because someone felt the same as he did.
“Hey, thanks. This made me feel like I was seen.” Izuku told Hypnos, still feeling wrecked but was less in his head. “I don’t know, maybe next time, if I ever see you again, I might talk to you more about my stuff.”
Izuku stands up, and before Hitoshi thinks about it, he calls out, “What’s your name?”
”Huh, oh,” Izuku scratches the back of his head. “You can call me Izuku.”
And then Izuku was gone, leaving Hitoshi sitting on top of the roof, pondering if what he said was the right thing. Especially since this was the first time he ever talked about his past to a stranger, a stranger that was quirkless, that probably had a lot of misfortunes happen in his life.