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[Congratulations - happy ending achieved!]

[15/15 routes completed - platinum trophy unlocked!]

[View credits again? Y/N]

Shen Yuan stares at the screen blankly, his fingers twitching uselessly around the controller in his hands. The cheery finale music, reused between all fifteen routes with zero variation, rings in the last ending with far too many wedding bells for the song to even be enjoyable. 

He’d played this game fifteen times over - seventeen, if you count the two runs he’d had to abort once he’d realized he was accidentally locked into a route he had already completed. He’d given up every evening of his life for the last three months to this shitty reverse otome game, pouring hours of effort into trying to find the ideal route for the protagonist. He’d suffered endless humiliation for it, too, when his loudmouth of a little sister had barged into his apartment uninvited and caught him in the act! All his reputation, gone in an instant at the hands of a low budget cutscene where one of the love interest’s unnecessarily large breasts had all but spilled out of her wedding robes!!

All that, and not a single route was decent?! 

‘Happy ending achieved’ my ass, he thinks furiously, tossing aside his controller. Fifteen different love interests, and not a single one of them is any good? What kind of loser of a game writer manages to fail fifteen times in a row?!

Shen Yuan didn’t usually make a habit of playing this sort of game, so the fact that he was so invested to begin with had been such a promising sign of the game’s potential. Unlike where most otome games made their protagonist a boring, blank slate with no actual goals or opinions, Proud Immortal Demon’s Wives: Collect them All! featured a protagonist that had nothing but opinions. If the player chose actions or dialogue options that Luo Binghe himself disagreed with, they would end up being delivered flatly or with some amount of passive-aggressiveness. If Luo Binghe grew too unhappy, the options to interact with the love interests in the game would vanish for short periods, stalling out the game until the protagonist himself had been appeased.

It was such a unique premise! Having to balance the desires of the protagonists and the love interests made it feel so much more real and engaging, and it completely avoided the vague discomfort Shen Yuan felt when he tried playing similar games where he was supposed to imagine himself as the protagonist. With all of that playing out in front of a backdrop of the protagonist’s tragic childhood, Shen Yuan had truly felt inspired to try and bring Luo Binghe to a worthy happy ending.

…If only the love interests had been half as well developed as Luo Binghe himself!

When Luo Binghe acted cranky or sullen in response to the player pushing him down a path he didn’t like, the love interests still acted as if Luo Binghe were acting with an earnest heart, seemingly unable to see Luo Binghe’s true opinions the way the player could. They’d titter and blush and comment on Luo Binghe’s sweet smile or charming compliments, and all the while the player would be watching Luo Binghe sulk and deliver his lines like a bitter child forced to act in a school play!

Not only did this squander the game’s potential for its innovative protagonist, it made all the women in the game look like idiots with EQ lower than a middle schooler’s - what kind of guy would find it satisfying to play a game like this, where the love interest falls all over the protagonist regardless of the actual mood?!

That wasn’t even the worst part, though.

Shen Yuan reluctantly picks his controller back up, skipping through the ending game prompts so he no longer has to hear the grating finale music. Just before backing out to the main menu, though, he pauses.

On screen, Luo Binghe and the fifteenth romance route option - Qiu Haitang, a sniveling, purposefully naive, useless girl - are frozen in their final outro poses. The wife is, as always, dressed in the same cut-and-paste wedding robes from all the previous routes and clutching at a bouquet of flowers, smiling as if it were the happiest day of her life. As for Luo Binghe…

Shen Yuan swallows thickly. This is the worst part of an otome game where the protagonist has opinions and feelings that seem to only be perceivable to the player. It’s also the reason Shen Yuan had sunk so many hours into this shitty game even after realizing how bad all the route options were on his first playthrough.

No matter which route the player completed, Luo Binghe was drawn the same way for this final freeze frame: a mildly satisfied expression, but not nearly as happy as the wife of the day was. 

It pissed Shen Yuan the hell off! How could any of these women not realize that the happiest day of their life was not shared by the man they were marrying?

How was this game’s reviews not bombed by dissatisfied players, unable to really achieve a happy ending for Luo Binghe?!

If only the game had given better options - or at least more options. If only the player had more freedom in choosing what Luo Binghe could do or say, or if only the love interests could at least perceive Luo Binghe’s real mood! If only -!

If only it were Shen Yuan -!

[Recalculating…]

[Bonus route unlocked! Play again? Y/N]

Shen Yuan blinks at the sudden popup. He could have sworn he’d pressed the exit button right before it appeared… and what sort of bonus route is being offered here?

A sixteenth route is unlikely to be that much better than all the ones that came before it, but Shen Yuan can’t even think who it might be. There hadn’t been any notable women that hadn’t been romanceable, and you could even pay a few coins to have a fade-to-black scene with breathy SFX if you approached any of the faceless NPC women you encountered throughout the game's many routes. 

If it wasn’t one of the women Shen Yuan already knew about, then surely, isn’t there a chance that the final option is at least a little bit better? A reward for everyone like Shen Yuan who had played this miserable, grindy, way-too-long game through its end fifteen times!

With renewed determination, Shen Yuan accepts the prompt to play the game for a final time. As he does, his elbow jostles the half-empty cup of water at his side. Shen Yuan shoots a hand out to try and steady it, but his haste makes him move with too much force, and he ends up completely knocking the cup over and spilling water over the game console and its power strip by his feet. There’s a short, sharp buzzing noise, and the sense of horror that accompanies only major fuck ups, and then -

- and then Shen Yuan’s vision goes dark, and he doesn’t get the chance to think anything else.

---

Shen Yuan must have wronged someone very important in his last life, because in this one, he wakes up as Shen-fucking-Qingqiu. 

Shen Qingqiu, as in the unwanted wife that Luo Binghe starts out with in Proud Immortal Demon Wives: Collect Them All! as the byproduct of a peace treaty with the human empire. Shen Qingqiu, as in the spiteful bitch that hated both Luo Binghe and all the love interests, and ended up banished or dead or worse in all fifteen of the game’s endings. That Shen Qingqiu.

[Welcome user Shen Yuan!] greets the same System window that had appeared before his transmigration.

“I’ll kill you,” Shen Yuan replies seriously. “I’ll find a way to make you a physical, tangible object, and I’ll tear you into pieces.”

[Damage to this System will be reflected in user Shen Yuan’s own physical body.]

Shen Yuan takes a useless swipe at the System window anyway. As predicted, his hand sails through it without making proper contact.

[Bonus route is in progress. User is recommended to focus on their own situation.]

“Bonus route?! I don’t care anymore - send me back! I quit! Uninstall the game!!”

Shen Yuan obviously cared about getting Luo Binghe a real happy ending, but he cared more about surviving on his own first!

[Early termination is impossible.]

Shen Yuan’s blood runs cold. “Then, my body -”

[User’s body is in stable condition. User may return to it after reaching a happy ending.]

That’s… better than nothing. Still, his situation is anything but optimistic. It would have been one thing if he had transmigrated as Luo Binghe himself, or even whatever woman was supposed to be the target of this bonus route, but what could he possibly hope to accomplish as Shen Qingqiu?! He’d be fighting poor odds just by trying to stay alive.

“What kind of happy ending?” Shen Yuan asks, thinking hard. Personally, he didn’t think any of the fifteen standard love interest routes could be classified as a real happy ending, but if it was only up to the game’s classification…

[Any of the 16 available routes for Luo Binghe’s love interests that end in marriage are considered applicable ‘happy endings.’]

Shen Yuan lets out a rush of air in relief. Although Luo Binghe suffered in the game from a serious handicap - that the player was the only one capable of truly reading his moods - that wouldn’t be the sort of thing that would translate into a real world. And outside of that one issue, Luo Binghe had no problems when it came to wooing women. He was charismatic and clever, handsome beyond anyone’s dreams, and already held a desirable position of power. Even if Shen Yuan did nothing, Luo Binghe would surely end up on one of the standard fifteen so-called ‘happy endings.’

The only real problem was staying alive until then. 

The hatred between Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe was mutual. The only reason that they remained married until now was the peace treaty between the demonic and human lands.

Part of Luo Binghe’s tragic backstory was the suffering he went through as a child. Abandoned in the human empire as a baby, a kind human washerwoman found him and took him in to raise him, even though Luo Binghe already exhibited small signs of having demonic heritage. When that kind washerwoman eventually died, unable to receive treatment for a flu due to her reputation as someone who harbored a demon child, Luo Binghe found a purpose for his life: to change humankind’s opinion on demons to prevent such a tragedy from ever occurring again.

How brave, how noble, how cool! If Luo Binghe were the protagonist of a novel, it would surely be one of epic length and thematic arcs; unfortunately, he was starring in a shitty reverse otome game, and so the record of how he pursued this goal was rather bare-bones.

Unable to climb the ranks within the human world due to his demonic appearance, Luo Binghe made the dangerous journey across the Abyss separating the two lands until he arrived in demonic territory. There, he steadily rose to power until he was strong enough to unite the various demonic tribes and preside over them as their emperor. Some of the game’s character sheets indicated that there may have been some trouble over Luo Binghe potentially sharing human ancestry, as well, but as with all the coolest parts of the game’s lore, this was never explored in detail. 

With Luo Binghe finally in a position where people would listen, he demanded that steps be taken to end the prejudice between humans and demons. He ended up strong-arming a peace treaty from human cultivation leadership, chasing after his goal of a more peaceful relationship between their species. With that peace treaty came Shen Qingqiu, and with Shen Qingqiu…

…came nothing but trouble!!

“Where are we in the timeline?” Shen Yuan demands. 

If Luo Binghe had already started romancing one of the love interests, it would already be too late; despite disliking Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu also disliked having his position as empress be encroached on. As such, he ended up acting as the game's main antagonist towards both the various women in it and Luo Binghe himself.

[User has been placed at the start of the relevant timeline.]

“Okay,” Shen Yuan breathes, “okay. This is doable. Shen Qingqiu hasn’t done anything unforgivable yet.”

Of course, that didn’t mean that he would be safe even if he spent the entire game’s timeline locked up in his rooms. Eventually, Luo Binghe would want to marry one of the love interests, and Shen Qingqiu’s very existence stood in the way of that even if Shen Qingqiu himself didn’t act in opposition. Luo Binghe would surely be unwilling to break the treaty on his side first, though, which meant…

…any number of horrible things! Shen Qingqiu could end up framed for a crime to excuse Luo Binghe getting rid of him without breaking the treaty, or the love interest could go on the offensive and get up to all sorts of trouble usually seen in harem dramas, or both at once!!

No, if he wants to make it out alive as Shen Qingqiu, he can not stand in the way of Luo Binghe’s actual love interests. In other words -

“This lowly one humbly requests a divorce, Lord Luo.”

The court falls silent, and then in the next instant is immediately made loud again by hushed gossip as servants and courtiers alike titter to each other. Luo Binghe himself, who had been examining his nails with clear disinterest ever since his unwanted empress had first stepped into the room, finally looks up at him.

Shen Yuan - damn it, Shen Qingqiu now, despite how much he hates it! - nearly takes a half step backwards on pure instinct. Luo Binghe’s scrutiny is not easy to bear.

“A divorce?” Luo Binghe echoes, as if the word is foreign to him. “What has displeased Empress Shen this time, for him to make this extreme of a threat?”

“Nothing!” Shen Qingqiu hurriedly says, throwing his hands up in surrender. Luo Binghe’s expression turns dark, and Shen Qingqiu swallows thickly. “Well, that is - nothing specific. I’ve simply decided that there’s no pleasure to be gained as the wife of someone who clearly does not want me.”

“This Lord wasn’t aware that Empress Shen was seeking pleasure in this marriage to begin with,” Luo Binghe says, tone just shy of mocking. “After all, it was you who had first insisted that our chambers remain separate even on our wedding night.”

“Ahem,” Shen Qingqiu says very intelligently. “Yes. Well. My bad on that, truly.”

Something flickers in Luo Binghe’s expression, but Shen Qingqiu barrels on, even as the whispers of the surrounding courtiers make his ears burn with embarrassment.

“As Lord Luo has so aptly put it, the fault is mine. Since the problem lies with me, I can also quite easily see that no solution is in sight, and it would be irresponsible of me to force Lord Luo to put up with continued issues. As such, I request a divorce.”

“Would a divorce not place ‘continued issues’ on this Lord?” Luo Binghe asks, his lip curling. 

“Of course, since I’m doing this in order to take responsibility, the treaty between our lands would remain in place - I’ll ensure it.”

Really, it was probably only the original good’s pride that had prevented him from doing such a thing in the first place. Although Shen Qingqiu’s backstory implied he had a decent amount of sway with human cultivation leadership, returning with his tail tucked as a divorcee and no-longer-empress would have been quite the blow to his reputation.

Luo Binghe, clearly thinking along the same lines, narrows his eyes.

“...It’s unlike Empress Shen to offer a deal so unfavorable to himself,” he says slowly, pinning Shen Qingqiu in place with the intensity of his expression. 

Trust me, getting the fuck out of here is nothing but favorable to me! Shen Qingqiu thinks. Aloud, he merely says: “I pray that Lord Luo can take it as a token of my sincerity, and my regret for how things have been between us until this point.”

“Regret, is it,” Luo Binghe says softly, as if speaking to himself. “And what, specifically, does Empress Shen regret?”

Shen Qingqiu wets his lips, uncertain. Within the game, the player would often see the petty, vile things Shen Qingqiu would get up to in order to try and scare off the love interest(s) from his ‘rightful’ position as empress, but it was unknown what exactly he’d gotten up to before then.

 “...For failing to make you happy,” Shen Qingqiu settles on at last. “Even if it was a loveless marriage, we could have at least been friends.”

Luo Binghe sits up, that same something flickering across his face again. 

“Is that so? Empress Shen, do you know what specifically you’ve done to make me unhappy?”

He wants details?! I don’t have details!! Shen Qingqiu thinks in near despair. He casts his mind about for anything he can remember from the game when one of the other love interests had displeased Luo Binghe, anything innocuous enough that Shen Qingqiu’s character was sure to have done it at some point in the pre-canon.

“Gifting Lord Luo with sweets instead of fresh fruits?” Shen Qingqiu offers. Then, thinking of a better option from a handful of the human love interest routes: “And refusing to try the demonic way of doing simple things.”

“Hm,” Luo Binghe says. He’s all but leaning forward in his throne now, watching Shen Qingqiu with hungry, eager eyes.

That’s… promising, right? Eagerness to accept Shen Qingqiu’s sincerity and approve the divorce?

“Anything more specific is inappropriate to bring up in a public setting like this,” Shen Qingqiu hastily concludes. “All I can do is reiterate my regret and desire to peacefully separate.”

“Of course,” Luo Binghe agrees easily. Shen Qingqiu feels a rush of relief.

“Then…?”

Luo Binghe’s lips curl into a pleasant smile. “Divorce denied.”

…Shit. Shen Qingqiu might really be doomed after all.

---

Luo Binghe watches Shen Qingqiu slink out of the throne room with the same smile still plastered on his face, not faltering even as Shen Qingqiu’s expression slips into a sort of hopelessness when he thinks Luo Binghe can’t see.

That, he thinks, is not Shen Qingqiu.

The person in Shen Qingqiu’s body nods with a resigned gratefulness to the servant who opens the hall’s door for him, and Luo Binghe’s smile stretches wider.

No, this is something far, far better.

---

There are two paths lying before Shen Qingqiu.

In one, he meekly shuts himself away in his rooms for the duration of this hidden route, hoping that Luo Binghe forgets about him while drowning himself in whatever large-bossomed woman that throws herself at him. Luo Binghe, who has never forgotten any slight against him ever and still needs to make way for his real love interest, would surely see to it that this cowardly route ends in the same suffering that followed Shen Qingqiu in any route. Perhaps even worse, actually, since this Shen Qingqiu had dared to ask for - and promptly been denied - a divorce.

In the second, Shen Qingqiu refuses to give up after a single refusal and pursues a divorce with aggressive determination. He’d give Luo Binghe reason to beg for a divorce, and would either end up dead in a ditch somewhere for his audacity or a newly-single man who could hide away in a cabin in the woods until Luo Binghe got re-married and he could go home.

Ending up dead in a ditch is a lot more likely, but hey! Even a 10% shot of success is still higher than his odds if he sits around and does nothing!

…Oh, gods, he’s going to die here, isn’t he?!

No, no, this is fine - his sister had used to love this sort of genre, hadn’t she? A poor, hapless, completely innocent soul gets stuffed into the body of a minor antagonist, and through the power of meta knowledge and, uh - being good in school? Running a perfume shop? Saving orphans?? Shit, why hadn’t Shen Yuan read any of those cookie cutter villainess stories his sister had always talked about! - a happy ending can be achieved. In fact, by the logic of transmigration stories, his odds are actually pretty good to succeed, so long as he’s willing to toil for it. 

All Shen Qingqiu has to do is convince Luo Binghe that Luo Binghe himself would benefit from a divorce but not a dead ex-empress. That’s easy enough, right? Just… annoy Luo Binghe into wanting a divorce without pissing him off enough that he draws his sword before signing the papers. Easy!

Shen Qingqiu bites at his nails, a nervous, roiling unease brewing in his gut. Remember your odds, he thinks desperately, transmigration stories, villainness stories, a hundred tropes that all work the same way and end in your favor!!

…Unless this is one of the genre twists where the transmigrator is the bad guy, as has been the recent growing trend, and then I’m really, truly, irreversibly dead!

The one saving grace of sinking so many miserable hours into this game is that Shen Qingqiu is very well aware of Luo Binghe’s preferences. Using that, it should be doable to show that Shen Qingqiu is unfit to be Luo Binghe’s spouse, let alone Empress.

Forcing himself to put his anxious energy into something productive, Shen Qingqiu makes a list. Mentally, of course - he isn’t so stupid as to actually write down any meta knowledge or potentially treasonous plans - but a list nonetheless.

1. Show the financial burden of having an empress with a noble background, as opposed to some of the commoner-born love interests within the game.

Shen Qingqiu’s initial request for a divorce had been something of an outlier in that he’d asked for it during a court session in front of other people, and he’d only dared to do so because his original plan had been to part on fully peaceful terms rather than his new goal of essentially annoying Luo Binghe into a divorce.

In general, though, Luo Binghe is far more likely to reply with violence or other serious punishments as feedback for anything he dislikes if it happens in front of a crowd. Thus, Shen Qingqiu begins enacting his list in a far more private setting: the imperial gardens.

“Lord Luo,” Shen Qingqiu greets, having finally managed to catch Luo Binghe on a walk through the gardens on his fourth day of loitering around. “What a fortuitous coincidence that our paths crossed like this today.”

“What a coincidence indeed,” Luo Binghe says dryly, “that my wife would so spontaneously get the urge to visit the imperial gardens several days in a row after having ignored them his entire time living here.”

Shen Qingqiu’s practiced smile freezes. He’d forgotten the part where Luo Binghe had a network of spies within the palace in the form of servants - including groundskeepers and gardeners. 

“...Well,” Shen Qingqiu coughs awkwardly, “let’s not talk too much about coincidence or fate or whatnot. It’s bad luck, or something.”

“Or something,” Luo Binghe repeats, sounding somewhat amused. “Well? What did my wife want so badly to linger about in the gardens, but not so badly as to submit a formal request through court?”

“Nothing unreasonable,” Shen Qingqiu says, deliberately casual. “If Lord Luo is certain that he doesn’t wish to divorce me -”

“Are you implying I would go back on my words?”

“- which you are! Very certain! Then I would like to have my budget expanded to properly accommodate the needs of an empress of my standing.”

Luo Binghe smiles at him. His teeth look very, very sharp.

“And what needs are those?”

Shen Qingqiu takes a steadying breath, carefully adjusting his body language. Stand tall, doomed soldier! This is your battlefield!! Luo Binghe has to think you’re an obnoxious, intolerably expensive bitch who he can’t afford to keep indulging as Empress!

With my past life backstory as a second-gen rich kid, I was born to play this role!

“What else would you expect?” Shen Qingqiu says, twirling a finger through a long lock of hair before tossing it over his shoulder with an irritated huff. “I visited the main palace library the other day, Lord Luo, and do you know what I found?”

Luo Binghe raises one eyebrow wordlessly. 

“We only seem to stock one copy of each book,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Lord Luo, I was under the impression that the demonic lands were flourishing under your rule, but is it actually that you can’t afford the basics?”

The small amount of amusement that Luo Binghe had been showing vanishes, and the garden suddenly feels five degrees colder, cast in the shadow of Luo Binghe’s dangerous bad mood.

“If you think that falling into the position of empress allows you to speak to this Lord without due respect, wife,” Luo Binghe warns, “then you will find your life to be much shorter than you expect.”

Shen Qingqiu freezes, every muscle in his body held tense like some sort of humiliating prey response. Shit. He took it too far - he needed to play the wife Luo Binghe couldn’t afford, not the wife Luo Binghe couldn’t tolerate keeping alive!

“My apologies,” Shen Qingqiu chokes out. “I was - distressed by the state of the library, so I spoke out of turn.”

“Distressed by not being able to read more than a single copy of each book at one time?” Luo Binghe sneers.

“I wouldn’t dare - this is an institutional issue, not a personal one.”

“Oh?”

Shen Qingqiu wets his lips, nervous. What happened to the easy performance of the second-gen rich kid, ah?!

“I wouldn’t ask for every book to be kept in duplicate,” he clarifies, “but the ones on economics, medicine, and practical knowledge should be kept in as many copies as we can locate.”

“Medical texts aren’t cheap,” Luo Binghe remarks.

“Thus why I must request a larger budget,” Shen Qingqiu says, rallying himself. “Lord Luo, it is the duty of your empress to cover what you yourself cannot, as even Lord Luo is only a single man. In order to ensure the people are well cared for, practical information like this should be easy to come by.”

…Well, it sounded plausible enough, right? If Luo Binghe had a different understanding of what an empress’s duty was, then Shen Qingqiu could just chalk it up to a difference in culture between their countries!

“The texts are available in the imperial library to begin with,” Luo Binghe says, some of his dangerous aura receding but still wearing an ugly expression. “Is that not considered easy to come by?”

“With only one of each text available, it isn’t practical to allow visitors to borrow books from the library,” Shen Qingqiu says. “If we had more, a policy allowing people to temporarily take books home could be implemented - which would give opportunities to the others within a household to read them, not only the courtiers that frequently visit the palace.”

“...The less educated, you mean,” Luo Binghe concludes, and finally eases back on his scowl. 

“And with the texts originally coming from the imperial library, borrowers would still be careful to return them promptly and in good condition,” Shen Qingqiu says, leaving unless they want to see what their bowels look like hooked around your claws unspoken. “It would make a decent pilot program.”

Luo Binghe’s brow furrows, and Shen Qingqiu clears his throat, trying again.

“That is, it would make a good test run before expanding the idea elsewhere.”

“There aren’t any imperially kept libraries outside of the palace,” Luo Binghe says, as if explaining to a very slow child.

Shen Qingqiu smiles tightly. “Which is why I will require a very, very large budget, Lord Luo.”

“Oh? Trying to hide the plans for building new infrastructure behind the cost of copying a handful of texts?”

“What hiding? I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” Shen Qingqiu sniffs, and then for good measure, flips his hair in the same way he’d done earlier. Nothing said ‘expensive’ than the habits of a bratty little sibling, right?

Luo Binghe hums, seeming to seriously consider such a project. “How much money, exactly, does my wife think he’d need for this?”

“A lot, obviously,” Shen Qingqiu says, having not actually gotten that far in his own head. “Really, if Lord Luo needs to know an exact number, perhaps this Empress’s requirements are too expensive, and a divorce -”

Luo Binghe snorts, and then with a dramatic swirl of his robes that should not have looked nearly as cool as it did, turns to start walking down a small garden path towards a well kept pavilion. 

“Cancel any afternoon meetings,” he calls over his shoulder, and Shen Qingqiu startles. 

“...Me?”

Luo Binghe glances over his shoulder at him, eyes glinting with mirth, and gestures to a plain-faced servant. They’d likely been hovering behind Luo Binghe this whole time, and Shen Qingqiu simply hadn’t noticed until now.

Shen Qingqiu clears his throat awkwardly. “Of course. I was only making sure, since for a moment there it seemed as if Lord Luo may have been considering granting me leave to schedule his meetings for him.”

“Of course,” Luo Binghe agrees with an expression that makes it clear he’s laughing at Shen Qingqiu in his own mind. “To make it clear, then: follow me.”

…Wait, hold on. Shen Qingqiu hadn’t been mentally prepared for the conversation to continue!

“My wife seems to have developed a sense of duty to educate those who cannot afford books on their own, after all,” Luo Binghe says, his eyes glinting. “So I’ve grown interested in what other ideas are in your head.”

“Right,” Shen Qingqiu says weakly, hurriedly moving to follow Luo Binghe. “Because you’re upset about the budget…?”

“I’ll increase it,” Luo Binghe says, his own amusement growing as Shen Qingqiu falls further into despair. “And if any of your other ideas are as interesting as this one, then I may as well give you the key to the treasury - I couldn’t have my wife thinking I can’t afford him, after all.”

…Fuck!! Shen Qingqiu had been too careful, demanding a budget for things that he could defend instead of unreasonable luxuries! He should have asked for a hundred robes he’d never wear, or the equivalent of an annual budget in gemstones, or something else that Luo Binghe didn’t have a chance of actually thinking was worth the cost! 

His shoulders droop with exhaustion as he follows Luo Binghe, his mind scrambling to think of some other slap-dash infrastructural improvement plan now that Luo Binghe would be expecting it from him.

This was fine, though, really! Shen Qingqiu could go down in history as the most influential divorced Empress there was, improving state education and still ending up single. His failure today doesn’t mean a failure tomorrow! After all, of everything on his list of plans to convince Luo Binghe that a divorce was needed, this was the most benign - a generic, ‘oh, don’t I make for an unaffordable Empress’ sort of plan instead of a ‘oh, don’t I target your personal dislikes’ plan. 

He’ll just… narrow his focus a bit.

2. Demonstrate that Empress Shen has all of Luo Binghe’s least-favorite habits in relation to the basic necessities of living together.

Loitering in the gardens to catch Luo Binghe in semi-private was not something Shen Qingqiu could replicate - not after Luo Binghe had made it clear he knew Shen Qingqiu had been waiting for him there, at least. Luckily, the new library expansion project provided ample excuse to pester Luo Binghe in his office under the guise of needing advice or approval for a particular phase of the plan.

“Lord Luo!” Shen Qingqiu greets, strutting into the office as if he had every right to be there. “I’ve brought payment, so you’ll assist me, won’t you?”

Luo Binghe sets down a stack of stuffy-looking forms he’d been reading through to look up at Shen Qingqiu, his eyes lighting up in interest even as his expression remains carefully neutral.

“Payment?”

In wordless answer, Shen Qingqiu places a decorative basket full of small snacks on an empty patch of Luo Binghe’s desk. From inside it, Shen Qingqiu draws out an apple and a short knife. 

“Ah,” Luo Binghe says, eyeing the apple as Shen Qingqiu pulls up a chair to sit near him, “my wife did mention that he wished he had fed me fruits.”

Shen Qingqiu, having sat down and begun preparing to cut the apple, blinks at Luo Binghe in mild confusion. “What?”

“When you first dared to ask for a divorce,” Luo Binghe answers, looking amused. “You said that you regretted giving me sweets instead of fresh fruit. I hadn’t known you were aware of that preference of mine.”

“Ah, well, yes,” Shen Qingqiu says, having completely forgotten half the bullshit he’d said back then. “Lord Luo’s memory is as sharp as ever.”

Maybe he should have chosen something else - he hardly wanted to look like he was trying to win Luo Binghe’s favor! - but he couldn’t exactly put the apple away now. And anyway, apples are common this time of year, so Luo Binghe would surely realize that it was only a coincidence once he saw how little Shen Qingqiu would be catering to him during this meeting.

Nodding to himself and feeling quite sure of his reasoning, Shen Qingqiu sets about peeling and cutting the apple as he speaks.

“I wanted to review the selection of which texts I want to have copied for the library project,” he says. “I sent you a list - did you receive it?”

“I did,” Luo Binghe answers evenly, leaning across the desk to pull a couple sheets of paper towards himself. “Although I’m uncertain as to why anything on it required a personal visit to review.”

“If you don’t want to see me in even such a casual setting, feel free to agree to a divorce.”

“I’ll decline this time. Is there anything on your mind besides such a disloyal thing?”

“Of course there is,” Shen Qingqiu sniffs. “I’m thinking about this library project, aren’t I, or else I wouldn’t be here.”

“Naturally,” Luo Binghe says, sounding like he very much disagrees. “What is there to review, then?”

Shen Qingqiu keeps his eyes firmly on the fruit in his hands. Mission: Show Household Incompatibilities is a go, starting with the first bullet. 

Luo Binghe has always been a busy man - both in the struggles of his childhood, where every moment counted for survival versus starvation or injury, and now as the emperor, drowning in administrative work and minor territorial brawls. As such, Luo Binghe is someone who has grown to associate free time with luxury, and absolutely hates having his time wasted. 

And of course, one of the easiest ways to waste Luo Binghe’s time is to send him incorrect administrative forms!

“I merely wanted to ensure that none of the texts were against Lord Luo’s own opinions about what should be spread more freely amongst the people,” Shen Qingqiu says, deliberately casual. “For example, Master Li’s Master Medicine or To Manage Wealth As A Farmer…”

Luo Binghe raises one eyebrow. Shen Qingqiu barrels on, listing titles that hadn’t been on the paperwork he’d sent to Luo Binghe for approval.

“Also, I personally think it would do nobles a bit of good to read the titles like Poets of Hardship, but since the previous singular copy of it within the imperial library has been defaced due to discrimination against the author, perhaps Lord Luo would be against it?”

“Not at all,” Luo Binghe says pleasantly.

Shen Qingqiu hesitates. All three of those titles should have been surprises to Luo Binghe, so what was with this good mood?

“This all… sounds good?”

Luo Binghe smiles sharply at Shen Qingqiu, akin to a fox having caught a small rodent between its claws. “Is there a reason it shouldn’t?”

“I’m only double checking,” Shen Qingqiu says with measured confidence. “After all, I would have hated to waste Lord Luo’s time with poor or incorrect suggestions.”

“Hm,” Luo Binghe says, his grin growing ever sharper. “My wife really knows my preferences unusually well.”

“Not unusually,” Shen Qingqiu rushes to clarify, setting down the last slice of the apple he’d been cutting onto a delicate porcelain plate. “Anyone would dislike to have their time wasted, wouldn’t they?”

“Just as anyone would like for their wife to cut them fresh fruit in the shape of -” Luo Binghe pauses, reaching out to take one of the apple slices and examining it closely, “...What is this?”

Shen Qingqiu looks at Luo Binghe. He looks down at the apple slices. They are… slightly misshapen, maybe, but surely they were still recognizable? In his last life, his little sister had hardly complained when he’d cut them this way!

A particularly clumsily cut slice seems to stare up at Shen Qingqiu as if in accusation. Shen Qingqiu feels his cheeks flush slightly with embarrassment.

“They’re meant to resemble rabbits,” he answers after clearing his throat. “If they aren’t recognizable to Lord Luo, perhaps it’s that there are no rabbits in these lands…?”

“Rabbits,” Luo Binghe says, his eyes curling into pleased crescents. “How cute.”

Shen Qingqiu eyes Luo Binghe with mild suspicion. “You’re really happy with the list of texts for copy approval?”

“Perfectly,” Luo Binghe says, snapping the head off his poorly-shaped apple slice. “Since my wife is already here, though, why not share this small snack with me?”

Shen Qingqiu perks up - excellent timing to recover from the failure of the first step of his plan! Bullet point two of Mission: Show Household Incompatibilities was to show Luo Binghe that Shen Qingqiu was a horribly picky eater. 

After the life that Luo Binghe had lived, his relationship with food was… tense, to say the least. Shen Yuan had sunk countless hours into Proud Immortal Demon Wives: Collect Them All! trying to coax Luo Binghe into continuing the storyline after various food-related incidents. The time a love interest had slapped a plate of food to the ground after being insulted by the waiter and Shen Yuan had made Luo Binghe go to the woman’s defense instead of the waitstaff’s, the time a love interest had wasted food by leaving the kitchen unattended and Shen Yuan had made Luo Binghe soothe her after the subsequent fire broke out…

Well, really, Luo Binghe was justified in his sulking for that sort of thing, but that’s just how these sorts of games are played - no matter what goes wrong, if you don’t side with the love interest, the route may not end happily! 

Still, it was very clear: Luo Binghe would certainly want to divorce Shen Qingqiu if Shen Qingqiu was wasteful about food.

“Oh, no thank you,” Shen Qingqiu says pleasantly. “Lord Luo may not know this about me, but I’m rather a picky eater.”

“Is that so,” Luo Binghe hums. “The servants haven’t mentioned that you’ve left food on your plate any time recently.”

Shen Qingqiu smiles stiffly. Surely, Luo Binghe isn’t really having servants report to Luo Binghe how Shen Qingqiu has been eating all the meals he has delivered to his own rooms??

“It must not have occurred to them to report it, since it’s so common.”

“My wife must be a very picky eater indeed, to tell me he’s wasting food each meal,” Luo Binghe says, picking up another apple slice.

“Very. Does that displease you, Lord Luo?”

Luo Binghe brings the apple slice up to his mouth. His teeth glint in the sunlight spilling in through the office windows, sharp and inhuman.

“If you’re so picky as to avoid even apples, doesn’t that mean that you’ve brought me a snack thinking only of me and forgoing yourself?” 

“...If Lord Luo remembers, I had announced the snack as a sort of payment for your time, so…”

So don’t go getting any funny ideas about it!!

“Of course,” Luo Binghe says, and pops the apple slice into his mouth. Shen Qingqiu finds himself unable to look away from the movement of his jaw and throat as he chews and swallows it. So this is the power of a stallion protagonist, making even eating an apple look handsome…

Ah, forget it! The picky eater route is a failure too!! In the game, Luo Binghe had been so quick to get irritated over small things, so why is he so forgiving now?! 

Before Shen Qingqiu can find a way to quickly steer the conversation to the next bullet point in his action plan, though, they’re interrupted by another visitor, announced first by a muffled commotion outside the office’s doors.

“Get your hands off me, you stupid old farts -!” 

The doors fly open, a couple palace guards dragging along the woman who’d been yelling out in the hall. They push her forward into the room before quickly backing up, only barely avoiding a vicious swipe of claws from -

Oh, shit, that's Sha Hualing! 

“Damn it -” she spins around, pinning Luo Binghe with a glare. “- stop summoning me like this, boss man!”

“Lady Sha hardly seems to have that much of an issue with it,” Luo Binghe says, sitting up and pushing the small plate of apple slices away. “This Lord is under the impression that the guards would hardly have been able to drag around a fully unwilling noble from the Sha clan.”

Sha Hualing huffs, her lips pressed together in a small downwards pout, and cocks her hip in a way that makes the thin fabric of her robes slip away and reveal the pale skin of her thigh. 

“Well,” she says, “it’s hard to be too upset, if it’s you who is summoning me.”

Luo Binghe sighs, quiet enough that Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t so close to him. 

“Lady Sha is as brazen in her speech as ever,” he drawls. 

“If you want to punish me,” Sha Hualing says, her face splitting into a sharp grin, “I’d always be happy to take you on the training grounds.”

There! That, right there!! Sha Hualing’s trademark sleazy training invitation, the reason she’s known as the easiest of the fifteen love interests within the game!

Shen Qingqiu snaps his head to look at Luo Binghe. Will he accept? There had been at least four separate possible storyline branches where Luo Binghe would accept the advances of a woman in front of Shen Qingqiu before Shen Qingqiu’s official end, so it wasn’t impossible. More importantly, surely such a thing happening in front of Shen Qingqiu’s own eyes would be grounds to demand a divorce more forcefully?!

“So Lady Sha has said in the past,” Luo Binghe says, carefully neutral. “As always, this Lord’s monthly assessment of the palace guards is open for Lady Sha to join, if she truly wishes for a battle.”

Sha Hualing clicks her tongue, relaxing her pose in the face of an obvious rejection. Shen Qingqiu tries not to be quite as obvious in his own disappointment.

“Well? Why did you call me here, if it wasn’t for anything fun?” She pauses, eyes flicking over to Shen Qingqiu. “And what is he doing here?”

“Ignore him,” Luo Binghe demands, holding up a hand as if hiding Shen Qingqiu from Sha Hualing’s sight. “This Lord wasn’t aware he would be present when he summoned for Lady Sha.”

“Ha! So he busted in on his own?” Sha Hualing laughs, clearly delighted. “Hey, boss man, can I decide the punishment this time?”

Luo Binghe’s eyes narrow. 

“Is Lady Sha suffering from loss of hearing?” he asks dangerously. “Ignore him.”

Shen Qingqiu, nearly suffocating in the awkward position of being the unexpected guest stuck between two very dangerous demons, clears his throat and begins to stand.

“I can leave -”

“And run off before I have the chance to return the approved list of books for copying to you?” Luo Binghe cuts in, not taking his eyes off Sha Hualing even as he gestures for Shen Qingqiu to remain sitting. “Wait until I’ve dealt with Lady Sha; you can leave once I have the chance to place my seal on your paperwork and hand it back to you.”

Slowly, Shen Qingqiu eases his weight back into his chair, eyeing Luo Binghe warily. Hadn’t there been no issues with the list of books for the library project? Shouldn’t it already bear the imperial seal at this point?

“What the hell?” Sha Hualing asks, glaring at Shen Qingqiu with flinty eyes. “Kick him out already -”

“Lady Sha,” Luo Binghe says sharply. “This Lord had originally called for you to request that the Sha family return their military seal.”

Ah - that would explain why Luo Binghe had turned Sha Hualing down so harshly. Taking away the Sha family’s right of military command was one of the only ways to completely fail Sha Hualing’s romance route. Whatever route Luo Binghe is going down now, it must be one of the ones that requires him to explicitly reject Sha Hualing - one of the human love interests, perhaps?

“Hah?!” Sha Hualing advances towards Luo Binghe’s desk, mouth twisted in disbelief. “After all my clan has done for you - all I’ve done to help you during your ascension to emperor? You wouldn’t have even made it half as far without us!”

“Do not be mistaken,” Luo Binghe warns. In the next moment, the dark aura of his demonic energy presses into the room with an insistence that makes Shen Qingqiu shudder and the shadows around them grow longer. “The Sha clan helped this Lord ascend more quickly, but that does not mean it was a necessity.”

“Then forget about my clan,” Sha Hualing insists. “What about me? Lord Luo, don’t you like -”

“How could this Lord forget about the Sha clan? Lady Sha, do you think it is on a mere whim that decisions about military leadership are decided?”

Oh shit, lore drop?? Shen Qingqiu thinks, sitting up and trying not to look too eager. The game had only ever given the option to demote the Sha clan when it was looking likely that the player would choose a path that would lock Sha Hualing out of the love interest’s role; there hadn’t been any indication what the in-universe explanation might have been for it. 

Sha Hualing, on the other hand, clearly has some idea of what she’s in trouble for.

“That was a mistake, Lord Luo,” she tries to explain. “I’ve already told them that they shouldn’t have done it -”

“Oh? Did Lady Sha scold them before or after she herself participated?”

Participated in what?! Explain, explain!!

“That’s only a misunderstanding,” Sha Hualing says, and Shen Qingqiu finds himself genuinely impressed with her audacity and foolishness alike. “There are a good number of beautiful women in the Sha clan, after all, and Lord Luo hasn’t looked so closely at me recently, so perhaps he was mistaken…”

“Would Lady Sha be willing to swear a blood oath on it?” Luo Binghe asks, deceptively calm, and Sha Hualing’s shoulders tense. “Go on, then: swear that you had no part in the attack on the southern border of the human mortal lands.”

Shen Qingqiu blinks. That… was too big of a lore drop?! What the fuck! How could something like that be left out of the game - at the very least, how could it have been left out of the game’s accompanying 35 page informational pamphlet??

An attack on the border between lands wasn’t just a massive ‘fuck you’ to Luo Binghe’s personal instructions to leave the human lands alone; it was a major breach of the treaty that Luo Binghe had worked so hard for. A treaty that Luo Binghe even suffered through a marriage with Shen Qingqiu for!

Did no one read Luo Binghe’s backstory?! Er, that is, the emperor’s history, which was surely taught in schools here? Sha Hualing must have known better than this! 

“It was for Lord Luo’s benefit!” Sha Hualing snaps. “You’re too soft on humankind - cultivators will start sniffing around if things are left how they are!”

…Sha Hualing clearly doesn’t know better than this! 

“Then Lady Sha thinks this Lord is incapable of making smart decisions about his empire?” Luo Binghe sneers, and Shen Qingqiu shivers. The look on his face…

Shit. Shen Qingqiu really, really should have left earlier instead of staying for the lore drop. 

Sha Hualing is too stubborn, and Luo Binghe is too quick to anger. The direction things are going in right now, everyone caught in the blast range would end up the victim of Luo Binghe’s righteous fury over Sha Hualing’s stupid and complete lack of life preservation skills. 

Shen Qingqiu wants a divorce, not a death sentence!!

“Sha Hualing,” Shen Qingqiu snaps, standing up so quickly that he feels nearly light headed for a moment. He has to act fast, before Luo Binghe’s mood gets any worse.

“Stay out of this, human,” Sha Hualing sneers, and Shen Qingqiu’s eyes narrow. 

“I will not,” Shen Qingqiu says lowly. “After all, it was you who dragged me into this to begin with.”

There’s a single moment of hesitation - Shen Qingqiu really, really didn’t want to get involved like this - before he resolves himself. He needs to get Sha Hualing out of here, and he needs to do it in a way that would please Luo Binghe - he needs to prevent Luo Binghe’s mood from reaching rock bottom and resulting in bad news for everyone!

Thinking as such, Shen Qingqiu swipes the short knife he’d used to cut the apple with earlier and flings it at Sha Hualing. Sha Hualing dodges, but not quite so quickly enough that she avoids it entirely; a thin red line appears on her shoulder where the knife had nicked her.

“You bitch!” she screeches. “You cut me!”

“If Sha Hualing has a mind large enough to remember events past the current moment,” Shen Qingqiu says sharply, “then perhaps you’d recall that my very presence here is a sign that Lord Luo has already dealt with the possibility of cultivators intruding on your lands - but that peace treaty has to be upheld on both sides for it to be considered honorable.”

“Lord Luo,” Sha Hualing cries, “he cut me!!”

Shen Qingqiu swiftly steps forward such that he’s blocking Sha Hualing’s line of sight to Luo Binghe, still sitting behind his desk. The whole point of Shen Qingqiu stepping forward was to prevent Luo Binghe from having to deal with this situation himself in the first place - if it was up to Luo Binghe to punish Sha Hualing, then his mood would surely blacken past what could be survived!

“Guards,” Shen Qingqiu calls, “hold her still.”

The guards that had dragged Sha Hualing into the room shift uneasily, and Shen Qingqiu turns his glare onto them.

“Am I not called your empress? Hold her still, or I’ll call for others to grab you both as well.”

At last, the guards move to try and pin Sha Hualing down. Unlike when they’d escorted her to Luo Binghe’s office, she had no personal motivation to go along with them now, and so there was no real way that they’d be able to truly be able to keep her down for long. 

Luckily, Shen Qingqiu didn’t need more than a moment to step forward and snatch the prominent red jewel hanging around Sha Hualing’s neck - the symbolic marker of someone given imperial authority over the empire’s troops. 

“Lord Luo will have to forgive me for overstepping,” Shen Qingqiu says, tossing the gem to Luo Binghe. 

Luo Binghe snatches it out of the air without looking, his eyes trained steadily on Shen Qingqiu. The dangerous edge to his aura has receded somewhat now that he isn’t directly arguing with Sha Hualing, but his expression isn’t exactly good, either.

“Is there anything else you need Sha Hualing for, Lord Luo?” Shen Qingqiu asks carefully. If not, get her the fuck out of here before she starts pressing all the wrong buttons again!!

“No,” Luo Binghe says, not taking his eyes off Shen Qingqiu. “Lady Sha, you’re dismissed.”

“Lord Luo -!”

“Dismissed,” Luo Binghe repeats, “or the Sha Clan will face larger issues.”

Sha Hualing’s expression scrunches up, but at last she whirls around to storm out of the room, the two guards that had originally escorted her hurrying to follow after her. Shen Qingqiu releases a quiet breath of relief; talk about an irritating love interest who couldn’t read the room! 

Even with Sha Hualing gone, though, Luo Binghe’s mood is still markedly… bad. Very bad. Shen Qingqiu is not feeling especially comfortable pinned under that dark gaze right now. 

Shen Qingqiu can fix this, though. Of everyone who played this Proud Immortal Demon Wives: Collect Them All!, he’s surely the one who’s spent the most time focused on Luo Binghe’s moods as the only interesting mechanic of the game. 

When a subordinate misbehaves, seeing them bleed was the first step to a happier Luo Binghe. Shen Qingqiu’s aim hadn’t been perfect when compared to the reflexes of a highly competent demon, but he had managed to at least cut Sha Hualing a bit. Since that hadn’t been enough to completely cheer Luo Binghe up, he’ll just have to move on to the next thing.

And when Luo Binghe leaves a scene with a love interest in a bad mood, the best way to fix it is to play one of the several minigames available that reflect Luo Binghe’s hobbies. 

“Lord Luo,” Shen Qingqiu says carefully, watching for any sign that he’d need to just give up and get the fuck out of there, “could I perhaps trouble you to cook me a meal?”

Luo Binghe’s gaze sharpens. “A meal?”

“In order to… improve the mood, perhaps.”

Luo Binghe’s fingers, resting on the armrest of his chair, curl tightly enough to leave small gouges where his claws meet the wood.

“Do I appear to be in such a bad mood that even my divorce-seeking wife feels the need to clear the air?” 

Shen Qingqiu remains silent, only looking dubiously around the room, still seeped in the dark shadows influenced by Luo Binghe’s heavy demonic energy. How the hell is he supposed to answer that - ‘no, Lord Luo, you’re practically shining with pleasantry?’

“Well?” Luo Binghe prompts. 

“I may be seeking a divorce, but I’m doing so on amicable grounds,” Shen Qingqiu finally says. “Therefore, it would be good if Lord Luo could remain… in a better mood than this.”

“A better mood, is it,” Luo Binghe repeats quietly, almost to himself. “I must really look unhappy to you, then.”

Shen Qingqiu grimaces. Forget looking unhappy, all it takes is breathing in the tainted air to feel how heavy with negative emotions Luo Binghe must be!

“Lord Luo doesn’t have to take my suggestion seriously,” Shen Qingqiu says, already starting to inch towards the door. “Actually, I should have thought from the beginning that it would be easier for you to clear your bad mood without me breathing down your neck, so…”

All at once, the heavy energy in the room dissipates, as if Luo Binghe is purposefully pulling it back towards himself.

“No,” he says, suddenly looking very hungry. “I think I’d like to cook you a meal after all.”

“If you’re sure…?” Shen Qingqiu says, his voice pitching up in a barely disguised ah fuck, there goes my out!

“I’m sure,” Luo Binghe says, standing from his chair. “After all, my wife is apparently quite the picky eater. I should be doing my part to help you eat better, don’t you think?”

And with that sudden mood swing, he swans out of the room, only looking back once to ensure that Shen Qingqiu was following him.

---

The kitchen is warm when they arrive; the palace chefs had likely been in the middle of preparing dinner just before this, but there is no sign of them now. Idly, Shen Qingqiu wonders if the guards that had run after Sha Hualing had spread the news of Luo Binghe’s bad mood and the kitchen staff had cleared out preemptively, knowing that Luo Binghe would often cook for himself when he was particularly angry or distressed.

Shen Qingqiu looks about the kitchen in mild curiosity as Luo Binghe fetches the ingredients he’ll need. It’s always a bit odd to see the various settings of the game translated to a real life environment, but it’s especially surreal for a location only seen in a minigame. In real life, having every cooking utensil you’d need during a minigame all stacked on a single side of the kitchen looks very odd, but it seems as if that’s really set up here in order to mimic the interface of the game. 

“Wife,” Luo Binghe calls, chopping vegetables on one counter. “Something occurred to me earlier.”

Shen Qingqiu hums in response, wandering closer to him. Luo Binghe’s mood already seems significantly better than earlier, but he’s still a bit wary to say too much lest he upset the balance again.

“It occurred to me,” Luo Binghe says, glancing sneakily at Shen Qingqiu from the corner of his eye, “that despite our marriage, I’m unaware of your birth name.”

If Shen Qingqiu had a birth name, it hadn’t been printed on any of the game’s character profiles. Only the courtesy name of ‘Qingqiu’ was ever used, and it wasn’t like a two-bit antagonist from a reverse otome game would ever garner enough interest for the game devs to release additional information on him.

“You call me just fine as it is,” Shen Qingqiu says after a beat of silence spent mourning the game’s lack of character lore beyond Luo Binghe himself.

“Do I?” Luo Binghe asks. “‘Empress Shen’ is fine, then?”

Belatedly, it occurs to Shen Qingqiu that it had actually been some time since he’d heard that particular name. 

“It’s fine,” he agrees. 

Luo Binghe hums, looking a bit dissatisfied. “What if I’d like to call for ‘Empress Shen-something,’ though?”

“...’Empress Shen Qingqiu’ is fine also.”

“It’s a bit cold for your husband to use,” Luo Binghe says, scraping a pile of diced onion into a pot. “Didn’t my wife want to improve my mood?”

Shen Qingqiu grimaces. That’s… true, and it’s also true that one of the other ways to successfully coax Luo Binghe from a bad mood would be to have some set number of his demands fulfilled without issues.

Well, fine - if there hadn’t been a canonically given name, and Luo Binghe himself doesn’t know, then surely it’s fine if Shen Qingqiu himself just makes one up?

“Only for the purpose of improving Lord Luo’s mood,” Shen Qingqiu says slowly, “you can use the name ‘Yuan’ as well.”

“Shen Yuan, then,” Luo Binghe says, sounding pleased with himself. 

Hearing the name in Luo Binghe’s voice makes Shen Qingqiu - makes Shen Yuan shudder. Suddenly, he feels like giving out that name was a mistake.

“Shen Yuan,” Luo Binghe calls again, “it would be unfair for me to call you like this when you still call me as your Lord, don’t you think?”

Shen Yuan doesn’t think at all when you’re saying his name with a pleased grin like that, actually, so please stop!!

“It would be improper to call Lord Luo as anything else.”

“I see,” Luo Binghe says. “Unfortunately, it seems like my bad mood can’t be cleared after all…”

“Luo Binghe,” Shen Yuan quickly calls. Luo Binghe’s smile grows sharper.

“Shen Yuan knows how to improve my mood very well, it seems,” he says. He turns away from the stove, having lowered the flames to a barely-there flicker as he waits for what must be a soup broth.

“Not so well,” Shen Yuan argues, suddenly suspicious. He’d wanted to improve Luo Binghe’s mood, sure, but he hadn’t wanted Luo Binghe to think highly of him for it - they still needed to get divorced!

“Then, perhaps I should tell Shen Yuan of another way to please me?”

Shen Yuan’s suspicious look grows by ten times. What the hell was this, a dirty-minded proposition? Surely, if Luo Binghe was comfortable locking out Sha Hualing’s route, he had another love interest he could go to with this sort of thing?

“Shen Yuan’s suspicions wound me,” Luo Binghe says, hardly sounding wounded at all. “I was only going to ask that we share a drink together.”

Drinking? Shen Yuan doesn’t remember that ever being an option to coax the Luo Binghe of the game, but maybe that was just because it was too difficult to turn into a compelling minigame without turning his character into a complete drunkard.

“Nothing too strong,” Luo Binghe assures him, seeing that Shen Yuan still wasn’t appeased. “Do you like wine, Shen Yuan?”

“...Well enough.”

“Then, let’s drink a cup together,” Luo Binghe says, already turning towards the door to the wine cellar connected to the kitchen. 

As he is about to pass by Shen Yuan, though, he pauses and fishes something out from the sleeve of his robes.

“Before I forget,” he says pleasantly, handing a couple sheets of paper to Shen Yuan, “the approved paperwork you needed.”

Shen Yuan blinks down at the paperwork. It has the imperial seal denoting that it’s been processed and approved, yes, but -

Hey, isn’t this the correct list of books? The one that included all the titles Shen Yuan genuinely meant to include, even the ones that he’d purposefully left off on the paper he’d submitted to Luo Binghe with the intention of wasting his time?

Suddenly feeling defeated, Shen Yuan shuffles the papers around and, sure enough, at the bottom is the incorrect list. That one does not have the imperial seal.

Shen Yuan is very, very positive that he only turned in the incorrect list, not both of them. Somehow, Luo Binghe had cottoned on to Shen Yuan’s plan ahead of time and located the correct list on his own; that’s why he hadn’t been surprised in the least when Shen Yuan had been naming ‘surprise’ titles earlier.

“Something wrong, Shen Yuan?” Luo Binghe asks, smirking down at him.

“...Nothing,” Shen Yuan says with a tight smile. “Thanking Luo Binghe for his hard work.”

Luo Binghe’s pleased satisfaction grows, and he turns away once more.

“Then,” he says pleasantly, “I’ll go get the wine.”

…Damn it, Shen Yuan just can’t win! He resolves himself: he has to give up on coaxing Luo Binghe and instead escalate to the next step of his plans, or a divorce is never going to come!

3. Make it clear that Shen Yuan wouldn’t tolerate Luo Binghe having even the most unserious of flings so long as he was Empress.

Actually, this one is a bit of a long shot. There isn’t anything in any of the game’s fifteen routes that implies Luo Binghe is strictly against a fully monogamous relationship; if the player chose to pay a bit of money for a fade-to-black with any nameless female NPC, it didn’t affect the game’s story or any future dialogue choices. As for the routes themselves, they all ended in the divorce (and punishment or brutal murder) of Shen Qingqiu and the marriage of the love interest, so Luo Binghe himself was never married to more than a single person at one time.

Still, the fact that the player could choose to have Luo Binghe participate in a plot-irrelevant one night stand was surely proof that Luo Binghe himself was favorable to those sorts of activities, so would likely not appreciate his husband telling him to quit it. Shen Yuan didn’t really have a lot of other options, anyway. He was familiar with all of Luo Binghe’s preferences, of course, but…

Well, it isn’t exactly easy turning things like ‘dislikes rainy days’ or ‘thinks people who expect a fair fight are foolish’ into divorcible offenses, and the more extreme things like ‘doesn’t tolerate child abuse’ or ‘resents people who are cruel to servants’ are too far and would make it too easy to slip from divorce to death sentence!

Shen Yuan had taken to visiting Luo Binghe in his office in the evenings only, after the last time his visit had been interrupted by Sha Hualing. Even if it was less disruptive to Luo Binghe’s work, it still delayed when Luo Binghe was able to retire for the night, so - probably still irritating, right?

“Shen Yuan,” Luo Binghe says as Shen Yuan lets himself into the room, standing from his desk to greet Shen Yuan. “You came again today.”

Then he smiles at Shen Yuan - something that he’s been doing a lot, recently - and Shen Yuan has to pretend valiantly that he isn’t feeling a bit weak in the knees over it. 

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course! It’s a very natural reaction to seeing that his divorce plans aren’t going according to his wishes, okay?!

“Yes, yes, hello Binghe,” Shen Yuan sighs, shooing him away back towards his desk. Really, why bother getting up when Shen Yuan is about to pull up a chair to sit with him?

“Hello, Shen Yuan,” Luo Binghe grins with all his sharp teeth, letting himself be guided back to his desk. “Did you bring me anything fun today?”

Shen Yuan, who had not brought Luo Binghe anything ‘fun’ since his rabbit-apple-slicing skills had been humiliated a week ago, scoffs. 

“If you need a gift every time we meet to discuss important state affairs, then maybe we should just -”

“If you say the word ‘divorce,’” Luo Binghe says, “I’ll do something very unpleasant.”

Shen Yuan clicks his tongue but obediently falls silent. What is this protagonist, a dog that’s learned to go berserk at a weird keyword? 

“Although I’m sure Shen Yuan came with very important official matters to attend to,” Luo Binghe says, “perhaps he could assist me with something first?”

“Within reason,” Shen Yuan answers, having learned his lesson the first time Luo Binghe had asked him for a vague favor that had resulted in Shen Yuan having to preside over court with Luo Binghe for a couple days.

Not that the lore and world building that happened at court hadn’t been interesting; Shen Yuan had simply gotten tired very quickly of the sorts of passive aggressive insults that came from demons having to petition a human empress with their issues.

“Of course,” Luo Binghe says, sliding a set of papers to be more centered between him and Shen Yuan. “I was only looking for Shen Yuan’s advice here…”

Shen Yuan’s brow furrows as he reads over the text. “This is… poetry analysis?”

“Of a sort,” Luo Binghe agrees. “What do you think?”

“Well, it’s very…”

Ten thousand moons alone, the poem reads, makes each moment now feel fleeting. If only I could make you moan, wrap you within my sheets and -

Shen Yuan clears his throat, looking away. 

“...very, uh, clear in the author’s desires, I suppose,” he finishes. 

“You hardly read the first phrase,” Luo Binghe complains. “There’s at least twenty more, Shen Yuan.”

Twenty?! Shen Yuan glances back at the paper, confirming the length of it, and accidentally catches another glimpse - my tongue against your skin to taste your sweat, to catch your attention and keep it close -

“It isn’t to my taste,” Shen Yuan says, wrenching his eyes away.

Porn isn’t exciting unless the characters are good, and even then, he isn’t about to read anything quite so raunchy while sitting so close to Luo Binghe! 

“A shame,” Luo Binghe sighs. “I’ll have to try again next time.”

Shen Yuan’s head snaps to face him in disbelief. Luo Binghe wrote this?! There had been a poetry minigame that could be used to increase heart levels of the various love interests, true, but…

…It was really a different thing putting together a bit of racy poetry to unlock a cut scene and increase some stats, compared to learning that the real, living breathing Luo Binghe was writing nonsense like this!

Also, that minigame never let Shen Yuan get up to twenty phrases! Just what kind of love interest was Luo Binghe trying to pursue?!

Still, though, this was enough to shake Shen Yuan out of his own head and remind him why he’d come here in the first place.

“Binghe,” Shen Yuan calls, subtly resting his hands on the desk in such a way that it obscured his vision of the poem. “I wanted to request something of you.”

“A real request, or one of your requests where you try to irritate me?”

Shen Yuan glares at him. 

“All my requests are real - don’t you take them seriously?”

“Very seriously,” Luo Binghe says, clearly amused. “Then, what is it?”

“There have been some rumors going around,” Shen Yuan lies, “that Binghe’s eyes have been lingering on some of the palace dancers.”

“If they have, it was certainly only because I was imagining what Shen Yuan might look like in their uniforms.”

Shen Yuan’s glare gets more intense. ‘Uniform’ was a very polite way of saying ‘strips of gauze clearly inspired by Sha Hualing.’

“Shen Yuan shouldn’t worry,” Luo Binghe clarifies. “I’m quite careful not to do anything that would push me closer to the awful separation Shen Yuan always asks of me.”

“Hm,” Shen Yuan says dubiously. “Just to be clear: if I am to remain your empress -”

“You will,” Luo Binghe says, full of completely unfounded confidence.

“- then I’d demand complete loyalty. Even if our marriage is one of convenience -”

“We can always change that,” Luo Binghe offers.

“- I expect Binghe to keep his hands to himself when facing others,” Shen Yuan finishes. “Is that clear?”

Luo Binghe opens his mouth, his smug little grin making it clear that he had another quip ready, and Shen Yuan quickly cuts in again.

“No dalliances with servants, no affairs with advisors, and obviously no private meals with any woman. If Binghe wants to remain married to me, this much is a minimum requirement - I am, it turns out, a very jealous person, even when our marriage is only for politics.”

Luo Binghe closes his mouth. His expression takes on a quiet consideration, watching Shen Yuan as if reassessing him. 

Shen Yuan watches him back just as closely. Is this it? The breaking point where Luo Binghe will accept that Shen Yuan’s terms for their marriage don’t fit his own?

Finally, Luo Binghe stands from his chair again, stepping closer so that he can loom over where Shen Yuan is still seated. Shen Yuan, not having expected the sudden proximity, feels his muscles tense. He finds himself unexpectedly quite nervous for how Luo Binghe might respond.

“Answer this one question honestly,” Luo Binghe says, and Shen Yuan feels as if he’s been pinned in place by the sheer intensity of his expression. “Is this a demand from ‘Shen Yuan,’ or from ‘Shen Qingqiu?’”

Shen Yuan’s heart jumps and lodges itself in his throat. He swallows thickly around the feeling of it.

“Is there a difference? Binghe was the one who acknowledged that ‘Qingqiu’ was only the courtesy name for ‘Yuan,’ after all.”

“There’s a difference,” Luo Binghe swears. “Answer honestly just this once, and I’ll seriously consider a divorce.”

“Really?” Shen Yuan asks, suddenly suspicious. 

Nearly a month had passed since he’d begun trying to convince Luo Binghe to divorce him, and it hardly seemed to have worked even a little bit. On the contrary, it seemed as if every plan Shen Yuan had come up with had backfired in some way, only increasing Luo Binghe’s interest in him.

Luo Binghe had never once been the sort of person to go back on a promise, though. If he said he would do something, he would do it, even if he hated it.

Then… what was the answer? Really, what was the difference between those two names when it came to demanding this from Luo Binghe?

If it were Shen Qingqiu, then this would be something spiteful, he supposes. The original goods hadn’t wanted anything to do with his marriage to Luo Binghe, but he also hadn’t appreciated the various love interests from the game encroaching on what he considered to be something that was ‘his.’ If Shen Qingqiu hadn’t been the miserable sort of person who jumped straight into trying to scare the love interests away with a sword or poison or worse, then he very well could have made a demand for Luo Binghe to remain faithful and monogamous.

If Shen Qingqiu had been that sort of person, that is.

Shen Qingqiu hadn’t been, though, and that’s at least part of the reason he’d ended up a nuisance and a villain of the game to begin with. The fact that Shen Yuan was demanding this of Luo Binghe right now was because he was Shen Yuan, not Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Yuan wanted a divorce, so he was actively pursuing one. Shen Yuan wasn’t about to waste time poisoning someone and hoping they’d be able to divine his meaning from the tainted tea leaves, so he was being more or less direct in all his attempts at trying to get that divorce.

And if Shen Yuan was really stuck in this marriage with Luo Binghe anyway…

“Anyone with common sense would request that their husband not cheat on them, even in an arranged marriage like ours,” Shen Yuan says, feeling a bit snippy. Then, after a moment, he softens his voice and says: “For what it counts, though, it’s ‘Shen Yuan’ that’s demanding it.”

Luo Binghe’s face splits into a grin, his fangs glinting in the low light of the room. Shen Yuan’s breath catches in his throat; even of all the times that Luo Binghe has smiled at Shen Yuan over the past few weeks, none of them seemed as pleased as this one.

“In that case,” Luo Binghe says, “I’ve considered a divorce very seriously."

Shen Yuan blinks. Even though he’d answered with the intention of getting Luo Binghe to do that very thing, he still feels a bit taken off guard.

“Then…?”

“Divorce denied,” Luo Binghe says pleasantly. 

“Wha - hey, you never meant to consider it seriously at all, did you?!”

“I did,” Luo Binghe says, swaying forward and titling his head until their foreheads are nearly touching. Shen Yuan instinctively tries to jerk backwards, but Luo Binghe only follows, refusing to let Shen Yuan create distance between them. “I’d have divorced Shen Qingqiu, but I like Shen Yuan very much.”

“Then it was Shen Qingqiu who was making the demand!” Shen Yuan snaps, feeling a bit flustered. 

“It’s too late for that, Shen Yuan,” Luo Binghe says. He reaches out to curl a finger around a lock of Shen Yuan’s hair, tugging at it just slightly. “I’ve never met anyone that likes me as much as you do, so I won’t let you go so easily. Hearing that you get jealous easily only makes me more sure of it.”

“What part of asking for a divorce says that I like you?!”

Luo Binghe brings the lock of Shen Yuan’s hair up to his mouth, pressing his smile into it. For a move that seemed straight out of a creepy anime antagonist’s arsenal, it makes Shen Yuan feel uncomfortably warm and light headed.

“It isn’t possible to so systematically target my dislikes without having paid very close attention to my preferences,” Luo Binghe says with no small amount of smugness. “And even then, you’re always so quick to correct yourself when I seem too displeased, or when someone else upsets me.”

“Well, I wasn’t looking to be too severely punished, or banished, or - or worse, so really -”

“Shen Yuan,” Luo Binghe calls, dropping Shen Yuan’s hair and instead bringing his hand up to trace his thumb against Shen Yuan’s cheek. “You notice when I’m displeased.”

“...Yes? I’m not blind, why would I -”

Shen Yuan cuts himself off. The blood very rapidly drains from his face. 

That mechanic from the game - that shitty, awful infuriating mechanic from the game - there was no chance that it was reflected in this world’s reality, was it? Sha Hualing’s inability to read the room last week - there was no way it was because of this, was it?!

Luo Binghe’s expression only grows more smug. 

“Shen Yuan,” he sing-songs, “you like to play games, don’t you?”

“I - that is -”

“You’ve played my game, haven’t you?” Luo Binghe’s thumb presses into Shen Yuan’s skin, as if trying to leave a bruise. “You’ve played it enough that you knew everything about me before you even arrived here, because you jumped right into the deep end as soon as you showed up.”

Shen Yuan’s mouth hangs open uselessly. He doesn’t think he’d be capable of making a sound even if he wanted to, and he really, really doesn’t want to. He’d much rather bury his head in the sand and never come back out.

“You’re fit to be my empress, too,” Luo Binghe remarks, pleased as can be. “Even when you were trying to irritate me, you were doing it by improving matters of state, and you’ve shown that you can handle my subordinates well, too. And -”

Luo Binghe leans even closer, until Shen Yuan can feel his breath fanning out across his face.

“- most importantly,” he says, eyes shining, “we’re already married. You and I, Shen Yuan, not only Shen Qingqiu.”

“The wine,” Shen Yuan realizes, voice weak. “When you made me dinner, and you insisted we drink wine together to improve your mood.”

Luo Binghe… he’d really been certain that Shen Yuan was a different person from Shen Qingqiu since then? Then - when he asked Shen Yuan for his birth name -!

“That’s right,” Luo Binghe says, nearly gleeful. “So why on earth would I want to get divorced? Shen Yuan, you came here to give me a happy ending, didn’t you? I won’t approve a divorce.”

This time, having had a brief moment to begin processing the idea that Luo Binghe was aware of the game he lived in, hearing Luo Binghe talk about his life in such a meta way manages to snag at something in Shen Yuan’s mind.

It isn’t just that Luo Binghe knows that the world is based in a game of some sort - he knows the flaws of it, knows the way that none of the characters can see and respond to Luo Binghe’s unhappiness, and knows that the ‘happy ending’ of the game itself is unsatisfying enough that someone like Shen Yuan might want to try and give him a better one. 

For that to be true, Luo Binghe would have had to have made it to at least one ‘happy ending’ himself.

Shen Yuan’s stomach drops. He lurches forward, bringing his hands up to clutch at Luo Binghe’s shoulders and bumping their noses together painfully in the process.

“Binghe,” he gasps, “how many times have you lived this life?”

Luo Binghe’s grin takes on a slightly strained edge. Shen Yuan’s grip on his shoulders gets harsher, more desperate.

“Binghe, oh, Binghe,” he cries. “That - to have to live over and over knowing there was no worthy ending - Binghe, you should have told me, I would have - well, I don’t know, but - hey, we should probably send off all the love interests from the game, don’t you think? Isn’t it cruel for you to have to see Sha Hualing every time you hold court??”

Luo Binghe blinks once, then twice, and then he leans in, burying his head in the crook of Shen Yuan’s shoulder even though he has to hunch fully over Shen Yuan’s chair to manage it. His hands come to rest at Shen Yuan’s waist, and though their warmth is hidden by the many layers of robes he’s wearing, Shen Yuan can feel the weight of them clearly.

“It is,” Luo Binghe says. “It was. Shen Yuan, it was awful.”

And yet, Shen Yuan can feel the shape of Luo Binghe’s smile against his neck. 

“But even now,” Luo Binghe breathes, “you’re thinking of me. When you were trying to run away and divorce me, and when you were trying to appease me when I was unhappy, and now when I can still smell your fear from being found out - every time, you think of me.”

“I -” Shen Yuan’s voice cracks. “I played your game a lot, I suppose, and now I’m stuck here. It’s only natural to think of you a little bit after all of that.”

Luo Binghe’s hands tighten around Shen Yuan’s waist. “Think of me more,” he demands. “Think of me until every waking moment is full of me, and then more than that.”

He pulls back slightly, just enough to look up at Shen Yuan’s face. He stays hunched over, though, and the effect of him having to peer through long lashes to look at Shen Yuan…

Shen Yuan swallows thickly.

“And Shen Yuan,” Luo Binghe says, with his fingers pressing bruises into Shen Yuan’s waist through his robes and his cheeks flushed with delight, “don’t ever ask for a divorce again, alright?”

After the month of peace since Shen Yuan’s initial arrival, the System that had first given him his mission finally makes another appearance.

[Accept happy ending? Y/N]

[Note to user: accepting will finalize the user's stay in this world. Rejecting will return the user to his original body.]

Shen Yuan’s breath catches in his throat. An offer to return home…

Behind the System’s screen, Luo Binghe is still gazing up at him, cheeks pink and eyes glinting and so genuinely happy to have found someone that sees him fully - someone who would understand the concept of the game cycle hell he’d been put through, even. 

He looks… really, really pretty, happy like that.

Shit. Fuck! This hadn’t been the plan!! Getting invested in infrastructural improvements, and having regular evening chats with Luo Binghe, and discovering a hidden happy ending like this - he hadn’t meant to do any of it! He’d really, truly meant to divorce Luo Binghe and be done with it!!

This wasn’t -!

It wasn’t…

Shen Yuan releases a shaky breath, bringing one hand up to rest lightly in Luo Binghe’s hair. It feels so soft and fluffy it feels nearly unfair, and he can’t help but run his fingers slowly through the strands as if testing it.

“...You… do you really think it’s acceptable to take a new empress without a ceremony?” Shen Yuan asks, pretending to be far less emotionally invested than he really is. “You think you can ask for me to not request a divorce when the only wedding we’ve had was a glass of wine I didn’t even know was important??”

Shen Yuan’s grip in Luo Binghe’s hair tightens, as if scolding him.

“Before asking to avoid divorce, you should start by asking me to marry you!!”

Luo Binghe’s eyes widen, and he laughs. “Shen Yuan, Shen Yuan, marry me!”

“What, just like that? No planning? You’ve been stuck in this game for - no, no, don’t tell me how long you’ve been stuck here, I’m trying to be mad at you - you’ve romanced at least one woman successfully in order to know about the game’s subpar endings, and you don’t think to propose properly?!"

“I’ve wronged you,” Luo Binghe agrees, still grinning. “Then, if I propose properly…?”

Shen Yuan sniffs haughtily. His hand is still carding gently through Luo Binghe’s hair.

“Well,” he says, after careful deliberation, “I suppose we’ll see.”

[Accept happy ending? Y/N]

[‘Y’ selected.]

[Happy ending locked in. Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!]