Work Text:
Julia had warned him that casting a chaos curse meant anything was possible. She had no control over what the magic decided to do. Once done, it was irreversible. If it was broken, it might be possible to fix, but that was a big if. He had to be sure he wanted this.
Adam Page, being a stubborn bastard with anything pertaining to one Swerve Strickland, hadn't cared.
He can't even remember why he'd been so ornery that day, or what had even led him to do something so insane.
Now he's living with the consequences of his actions.
“You look good, all things considered.” The midwife rises, dropping her used gloves into a waste basket. “It's really quite surprising.”
“What?” Adam stops, glancing up at her.
“Curse pregnancies...” The midwife's gaze drifts up towards the ceiling, as she's clearly at a loss for words. “They're not just called that because it's how they're made. Things go really wrong. And with it being a chaos curse...”
“What's that got to do with anything?” He tugs on an oversized white t-shirt, smoothing it over his bump. He's just entering his second trimester, and everything's an awkward fit. “And what do you mean by 'wrong'?”
“Let's answer those in reverse order.” She focuses her gaze on a spot over Adam's shoulder, a gesture that does not put his racing mind at ease. “Depends on the person. Some people develop diabetes. Others go into pre-term labor. There isn't much I haven't seen.” She sighs. “I've seen others develop pre-eclampsia. Others have every complication they possible could. Babies are usually fine- the magic that creates also protects. Carriers though? I've done this for almost 32 years, and I'm proud to say I've only lost 3 of my dads... much lower than the usual standard...”
Lost?
“So, this is common.” Maybe it isn't as bad as she's making it sound. 3 carriers over 32 years... He might be more at risk of crossing the street for all he knows.
“No.” She meets his eye. “I'll be quite honest. I've had 6 dads over the course of my career- curse pregnancies are quite rare. I normally deal in magical pregnancy- think mystical beings. You are only my second chaos carrier.”
“Oh.”
50-50.
Knowing that only makes his anxiety worse.
Why had he asked Julia to cast that stupid fucking curse?
“Chaos curses are, as their name implies, designed to cause chaos. Not impossible to manage, but also far from easy.” She reaches out, resting a calloused hand on Adam's wrist. “I won't pretend this is going to be easy. I will not lie to you. This is going to be quite dangerous, but I will do my best to get you through this. You are in the best possible hands.”
Adam knows that. She'd at least been able to confirm all of this and agree to take him as a patient. After all, it wasn't like he could go to a traditional obstetrician. They'd laugh him out of the building, or worse, get him locked in a CIA lab.
This lady seemed less likely to do that.
“Where's your friend?” She gazes around, as if expecting Swerve to materialize out of thin air. “Did he come with you today?”
“Work.” Adam's been doing his best to schedule the midwife around Swerve's schedule. Tony's been unusually accomodating, but it just hadn't worked this week.
Apparently, supernatural midwives are in high demand.
He doesn't want to admit it- he isn't supposed to like his fellow co-parent- but having Swerve here definitely makes this seem not so scary.
Of course the subject of death comes up when Adam's on his own.
“I'll spare you the lecture on partner participation, but statistically speaking, curse pregnancies go better with increased partner support.” The midwife gestures around flippantly. “So far so good, I'd say. Have you felt any movement yet?”
Adam hadn't realized that a chaos curse could cause a pregnancy.
He'd been expecting a flight mix-up, maybe a lost hotel reservation.
Something just obnoxious enough to annoy Swerve into his bed.
It hadn't worked.
Swerve had had a perfectly lovely travel day and still landed in Adam's bed.
“I have no idea.” Adam doesn't know the first thing about being pregnant. This is as alien as it gets.
“Well.” The midwife heaves an exaggerated sigh as she grabs another pair of gloves. “Let me show you something.”
She gloves up and gently lays him back on the exam table. Shoving his shirt up, she gently cradles his bump between her hands. “Baby is right here. You're a special case because of your circumstances but...”
Keeping one hand at the top of his bump, she takes him by the wrist and presses his hand just below hers.
“If you press gently, you can feel Baby.” She moves his hand to a different spot. “Any movement- and it will be subtle at first- should be right around here.”
He'd quickly forgotten about Julia's chaos curse as days turned into weeks.
It clearly hadn't worked.
Oh well. At least he was only out 40 bucks.
Then, it all began.
Heartburn. Bloating. Fatigue. Nausea. Night sweats. Bloody noses. An incessant need to pee that never seemed to fully go away.
MJF (Fucking Max!) had been the first one to notice.
Really starting to let yourself go, Seabiscuit.
That had been easy to brush off.
Swerve? Not so much.
“Alright. Let's try this again.” The midwife pulls off her gloves and tosses them in the trash. “Try to relax. Easier said than done, I know, but we need you to remain as stress free as possible. Again, curse pregnancies require a delicate touch.”
They'd met for another tryst- an afternoon romp in some hidden broom closet. Exhibitionism had never (really) been his thing, but the encounter with MJF had left Adam more self-conscious than usual.
In between frantic kisses and hands moving over scarred skin, he ranted and raved about how fucking Max one time absolutely did not give him the right to be that blunt. He knew he was bloated- the plane food had seemed saltier than usual and water could only do so much.
Nothing could distract him from his run-in with MJF, not even when Swerve offered to do that thing with his tongue that Adam really, really liked, if he could just shut up about Max for 30 seconds.
Then, Swerve uttered the one thing Adam couldn't ignore.
Why do you smell like... that's impossible.
What's impossible?
You smell pregnant.
“So, we'll see you in 2 weeks, and make sure your friend is with you. It's important to Baby!” The midwife helps Adam off the table, and leads him to the reception desk.
Luckily, this time, he is able to work around Swerve's schedule, if only to shut the midwife up.
At least that's what he's telling himself.
He can't actually enjoy Swerve's company.
The midwife's office isn't far from the apartment- maybe 2 or 3 blocks. Adam's been walking to his appointments- something he wants to enjoy as long as he can.
Today's no different.
Swerve had quickly vanished from the broom closet, leaving Adam baffled. Pregnant ?! There was no fucking way. Men didn't get pregnant. Sure, there had been rumors about Danhausen, but he was a demon. Demons had to have different anatomy.
He didn't see Swerve for the next several hours, other than a text telling him that he got Adam's match canceled. They couldn't take any risks, even if this didn't make sense. By the way, had he recently fucked with anything magical or taken any strange food from Stat?
It was then that Adam remembered Julia and the chaos curse.
Uhhhh... does paying Julia 40 bucks to cast a chaos curse count?
Half a block away from their building, the sky decides to open up, soaking him in the only thing that actually comes close to fitting.
Told to worry about dying. Now soaking wet, headed back to the apartment he hates, especially when he's alone.
It just isn't his day.
He climbs the six flights of stairs, cursing under his breath with every step. This used to be something he'd do with ease. Now, it's a struggle under his shifting weight.
At least they won't be there permanently.
At long last, he makes his way to the door, and for once, it opens on the first try.
It's a miracle.
He strips just inside the apartment, eager not to spread water around the linoleum floor. After the day he's had, he's eager to curl up on the couch to the dulcet tones of whatever bad sitcom he can find on Netflix.
Leaving his clothes in a soggy heap, he remembers to text Swerve before he does anything else.
For someone who supposedly doesn't care, he's awfully paranoid.
Made it home. You were missed. Would kill for a Big Mac.
Adam hates McDonald's under usual circumstances. Yet, right now, it's the only thing he wants, practically salivating at the thought.
He's half tempted to go back out, but the rain hasn't let up, and a quick check of the weather says it'll be like this for the rest of the night.
Oh well.
The Gods smile upon him, as he realizes they have hot water for once. Rent controlled or not, this apartment is a dump and they should have asked more questions when Nana's friend's cousin's neighbor eagerly gave a steep discount for rent.
There's a reason this place was vacant for so long.
The hot water pours over sore muscle, washing off the last several hours. Adam knows he should avoid hot showers, but he doesn't want to. This is the longest they've had hot water since moving in.
The miracles just keep coming.
Instead, he lets his mind wander.
Swerve had reappeared just after the main event with a hot pink post-it note. Thrusting it into Adam's hand, he babbled about alien gynecologists and how Willow swore this lady would know someone if she couldn't help herself. Kris used her and said she was gruff, but the office was clean and they were connected to the only hospital for non-humans in the tri-state area.
You told her you thought I was pregnant?
It's Willow- nothing phases her. She said she called dibs on Godmother, and I told her she'd have to wrestle Kenny for that one.
You're not mad about the curse?
Oh. I'm fucking pissed but you're learning a lesson far better than anything I can do. Any other questions?
Kris is actually an alien?
… Ask her yourself.
Once the water turns cold, he gets out of the shower and slips into a pair of black sweatpants he doesn't remember buying and another white t-shirt. Then, before he can stop himself, he steals one of Swerve's old hoodies, advertising The Mogul Embassy.
The old hoodie is worn, soft and as an added bonus, smells like its owner.
Adam basks in it.
Settling on the couch, he's startled by the loud chirp of a text alert.
Check the door.
Grumbling about getting up, he heads to the door, cursing as he steps on his wet clothes. Making a mental note to clean that up, he opens the door, surprised to find a McDonald's bag sitting on the welcome mat, next to a small cup of clear soda.
“I don't know how we got so lucky, Kid.” The words catch Adam off guard.
The baby's been “Parasite” pretty much from the start.
As he settles back onto the threadbare sofa, he's startled to feel something just beneath his skin. If he didn't know better, he would swear it felt like a goldfish swimming around, but that can't be right.
It's only as he sips on the soda that he realizes what it is.
“Well, hello.”
He can't wait to tell Swerve.
-fin-