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Screaming. It was loud and raspy, and whoever was making it needed to shut the motherfuck up because I was seriously trying to get my nap on over here. It was only a few moments later that I realized I was the one making the ungodly racket and quickly clamped my jaws shut. Blearily I cracked my eyes open, reaching up to wipe sweat-soaked hair from my face as I did so. Man, I felt like the complete opposite of miracles. Groaning I sat up, wincing from the shredding feeling in my protein chute and resolved to not make any noise until after I gargled an ablution trap full of fangpaste or something like that. I'd probably need to nab some from my best bro's respite block since I ran out recently and, even with my problem, I never had that kind of shit lying around. For now I settled with washing out the taste of evening mouth with the closest bottle of Faygo near me (it was orange) before hauling myself to my feet.
Shit, I'd dozed off while watching some movie Karbro had left with me, and though my horn pile was bitchtits for chillaxing in, it was not what you'd call ideal for spending the night in. I ached all over. Stretching to my full height, I licked the lingering flavor of citrus and sugar from my teeth. Glancing down at my feet as to avoid stepping on one of the many horns strewn about the floor, I narrowly avoided plunging my foot into a tin of nearly full sopor pie. Motherfuck, no wonder I was feeling so lucid. Normally I would have finished it off before going to bed to help deal with the daytime terrors that not even my recupracoon could stave off. Instead it must of gotten it mostly on me than actually in me. Even though the slime that Sollux had managed to alchemize helped, it was still a bit diluted and runnier than usual, so while it worked fine for the others, I still suffered from the intense motherfucking daymares even back on Alternia, so now here on the meteor I had to get my eat on a whole motherfucking pie just to ward of the dreams. Luckily I was given the room the farthest away from the others with the best sound proofed walls since Karbro had insisted he didn't want to be awakened by my "god awful, clown-fucking, assfaced honking" which meant I didn't bother nobody with my sleep-screaming during the day.
I looked groggily down in despair at the lukewarm sludge that had thoroughly congealed overnight and was probably cemented to the sides of the pan. Motherfucking shit. My insides twisted at the thought of even putting the stale slime into my mouth, let alone sending it down to my protein processor this early in the evening, but I didn't have much of a choice. Shit, I was able to consciously think of words like motherfucking "congealed". I was way too sober, and my most recent nightmare had only helped jolt me into the world of cognitive thinking that I was experiencing on this motherfucking terrible evening. There was no way I could go to Karbro's like this, so reluctantly I plunged my hand into the sticky green substance and brought a handful up to my lips. I only gagged once before swallowing it down, and within moments I could feel the slime taking affect. My muscles that I only realized now that were ridged slowly relaxed. I could feel myself slouching back down as a pleasant buzz began filling my head. Already the violent thoughts that were swarming at the back of my thinkpan were calming down, but I scooped another mouthful of pie into my gaper just in case. As my fangs brushed pale skin as I sucked the remainder of the slime off of my hand, I winced in surprise at the sudden jolt of pain that shot through my fingers. After glancing down at the tinge of purple blooming across my knuckles, and quickly looked around my room until my eyes fell onto the source of my discomfort. A new hole had been punched into the wall, edges tinged with violet where the metal had nicked my skin. Shit, I hadn't even realized I'd done that. I guess it had been a motherfucking good idea then that I had gotten my munch on when I did, cause fuck what if that had been Karkat's face? No, I shuddered slightly; I'm not even going to consider that line of thought.
After a moment the morbid images faded into the back of my thinkpan as the sopor settled into my system and my shoulders fully slumped down on my lanky figure. I slid my side against the wall, head lolling back and banging on the dirty steel as I sucked in a deep breath through my nose. My eyes fluttered shut for half a second before finally willing myself to walk out of my room. As I gently shut the door behind me I almost ran head first into the pale human chick. Shit, this white-haired motherfucker with her purple eyes unnerved me sometimes, all with her piercing stare and long-ass words. Sometimes it's almost like she can tell I actually get what's all up and going on around me most of the time, but more than often she leaves me alone to my own "odd, clown devices". However, last time I met with her she tried to pull her psychoanalysis shit on me, though luckily I was high enough that it didn't take her long to lose interest after I went on about the miracles of ceilings (how do those motherfuckers know how to all up and keep the roof off of our heads? Amazing). Still, I don't think I can be blamed for jumping back against my door in shock as I found her suddenly behind me.
"Hello, Mr. Makara, what are you doing up so young in the evening? I understand trolls are nocturnal, but it's rather early, don't you think?" The creepy bitch said with that shit-eating grin of hers.
"Ain't really any of your business, motherfucker," I smiled lazily at her, back still pinned against the wall, "But I'm going to all up and visit my best bro."
"Oh, I didn't mean for any offense, Mr. Makara," the Rose human continued to smile, "I was simply curious to see you up as early as five P.M. More often than not, you drift around lethargically no later than ten or eleven."
I raised my eyebrows, reaching up and pulling a couple stray hairs off my face as I looked at her in surprise. "Shit, it's that early? Karbro's not going to be all up and getting his wake on yet. And I've told you that you can call me Gamzee, sis."
"I recall you've mentioned it on a couple separate occasions. Still, it seems that visiting Karkat is out of the question. Is there something I could assist you in, or is it a moirail thing that I could have no hope of comprehending nor helping you with?"
I shrugged, edging my way back to my door as I did so. "Nah, sis, I just needed to get me some miraculous hygienics for my motherfucking food gaper. It hurts like bitchtits right now, and I know my best bro keeps that kind of shit with him."
The Rose human cocked an immaculate eyebrow at me (most likely the works of Kansis and the miracles she all up and makes), a smile continuing to play across her lips. "I'm sure I can help you with this endeavor, Mr. Makara. Kanaya is still up and about with me, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind letting you borrow some of her supplies." Before I could reply she took me by the wrist and confidently pulled me down the hall behind her. I hadn't gotten a chance to fix up my face paint yet, but at this point I realized there'd be no point in all up and fighting this determined chica, so I just let myself flow with the miracles as they came. Soon enough we came to one of the Meteor's recreational rooms, and right away I spotted Kansis off to the side working on one of her bitchin dresses.
My pace slowed as my half lidded eyes slowly dragged themselves around the room. Bright tapestries and other ornamented cloths hung on the walls and plush furniture was situated tastefully around the room. Tables were set up along the sides, covered in various fabrics, patterns, and threads, along with multiple sewing machines and sketches that littered the surfaces and floor. The room was basically bursting with colors and designs. Mother. Fucking. Miracles.
"Did you already find my thread, Ro-?" Kanaya stopped talking as she glanced up, eyes locking on me as I swayed lazily beside her matesprit. "Oh, hello Gamzee, What are you doing here?"
Before I could formulate a reply Rose spoke up, "Mr. Makara here seems to be suffering from a sore throat, and I assured him that you could aid him with this problem of his." I simply nodded as she spoke, and the corners of Kanaya's lips quirked upwards as Rose finished speaking.
"Of course, Gamzee. Wait here for a moment."
Kanaya exited through a side door, leaving the Rose human and I standing alone in the middle of the room. I made my way over to an especially plush sofa and flopped down across it. My limbs hung off the ends, but fuck if I cared I was so tired. But there was no way I was sleeping after a dream like that. I'd just have to hold over until I could climb into my recupracoon this morning. Cracking my eyes opens I was met with the sight of Rose carefully watching me from the chair that sat across from where I was laying.
"You need something, sis?" I rasped, rolling onto my back as a spoke.
"You're far more lucid then usual this morning, Mr Makara, don't think I haven't noticed."
I narrowed my eyes slightly. "So? Whose a motherfucker to care?"
Rose's expression remainder neutral as she spoke, but I could see the curiosity burning in her eyes and I could taste the motherfucking condescending smirk that played behind the thin line of her lips. "I hope you understand that I'm not interested in discussing the sensational wonders of lamps or shoes, nor am I going to believe any other bullshit you try feeding me about miracles. You're buzzed, yes, but not nearly high enough to fuck around with me, Mr. Makara."
My thinkpan was still feeling heavy in my head, but I knew the bitch was right. My lips tugged back slightly in a snarl, but I still refused to reply to her.
"I'll cut to the chase," Rose hummed, leaning back in her chair, "Why? Why do you subject yourself to the rotting affects of drug abuse? It doesn't seem to me that it's just because of a long fed addiction."
I switched back to smiling, my eyes still lidded but my pupils reduced to slits as my lazy gaze burned into her. "I believe I all up and said earlier some shit along the lines of 'it's not any of your motherfucking business, sis.'"
Rose sighed, opening her mouth to say something, but before she could spout off any more shit Kansis suddenly swept into the room, hands gripped around a black bag covered in bright purple leaves.
"Here you go, Gamzee, dear. Please avoid getting any of your paints on these things, mind you, but you can keep this with you in your respite block from now on."
I grinned, jumping off of the couch and away from the meddling white haired motherfucker, and graciously took the pouch from Kanaya's hands. "Thanks, Kansis. Shit, you're the best."
Waving from the doorway I quickly absconded from the room and soon I found myself back in the safe seclusion of my dimly lit domain. Motherfucking shit. Not even Karbro notices when I am still decently lucid like this, and I didn't want that bitch getting all up in my business. Signing I stumbled back into my ablution room, dropping the bag on the counter as I passed it. My daymares danced behind my eyes as my breath grew ragged. Fuck that bitch and her meddling, making me actually get angry. After I emptied the contents of my insides into the load gaper, I quickly went through the motions of using what Kanaya gave me. My protein chute was still sore from day screaming and puking my guts out as usual, but I felt way more bitchtits wicked afterwards. Her shit was motherfucking miracles.
Slumping against the counter after I had touched up my face paint, I rubbed my temple with one of my hands, breathing slowly and evenly. A bitchin bad headache was building up in my thinkpan, and it didn't help that I was still tired as fuck. Looking down I noticed my spare hand, which had been resting on the metal sink, had dug deep rivets across the surface. Fuck, I needed more pie.
~oOo~
"Gamzee are you even fucking listening to me?" Karkat growled as he waved a hand in front of his juggalo moirail. They were lounging about in the computer room I was in, and so far besides Karkat's creative swearing now and then to break the relative quietness, not much was happening. Gamzee and Karkat were hanging out in one of the corners while Terezi, Dave, and Eridan were busy typing away at their respective computers. Nepeta, Vriska, and I were sitting against the wall by the door talking about the best things ever (movies duh)! It was pretty fun talking to these two about films, especially the ones with Nick Cage. I knew Vriska loved to talk about him with me, but I was surprised to find out Nepeta had watched a few of his films as well. However, it was a bit weird when she had gone on a tangent of how Cage and Riley Poole from National Treasure should have ended up together. I'd tried to explain to her why Benjamin Franklin Gates and Abigail Chase had such perfect chemistry together, and also that Cage was not, in fact, a homosexual, but she had brushed me off telling me not to be silly and that that didn't matter sinceBenjamin wasn't actually Nicholas Cage so all bets were off. Besides that, as long as she wasn't making too many cat puns, Vriska seemed to also enjoy fangirling over actors with her and boasting about her knowledge of the characters. I would have been actively part of the conversation at the moment, but I was a bit distracted by Karkat's arguing. Even though I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I couldn't help but laugh.
"Karkat, I don't think Gamzee even remembers any of the times he's talked with me, and I kinda doubt he remembers a lot of what even you say! Jeez, he looks likes he's pretty much asleep right now! I seriously doubt he's heard anything you've said so far, buddy."
Karkat simply flipped me off from where he was sitting some feet away, shooting a glare at me before quietly muttering to his moirail. I turned back to Vriska as she waved her hands animatedly about her as she described a totally awesome fight scene the Cage had been in, when Sollux suddenly burst through the doorway.
"Whatever you guyth are doing right now, thtop, becauthe I theriouthly fucking doubt it matterth, ethpethially compared to what I'm about to tell you all."
Eridan glanced up from his screen, eyes narrowing behind his glasses at the sight of the monochromatic troll. "Oh reely, Sol? WWhat's so fuckin crucial that I haft to stop my incredibly important business to grovvel at your feet ovver wwhatever useless carp you'vve come up wwith this time?" He sneered, but Sollux ignored him. Instead his gaze landed on me, and he grinned as Feferi also entered into the room and stood by him.
"HN, you're pretty much the reathon we're doing thith, you know" Sollux stated, and I bunched my eyebrows together in confusion. Before I could ask anything, however, Feferi jumped in with an explanation.
"A couple days ago you were asking us about why we sleep in only sopor slime, right? Pike, why don't we just take something pike sleeping pills? And I couldn't reelly explain the reasons to you fully because humans don't get daymares pike trolls do! The closest comparisons you have are nightmares, but even then ours are different since our terrors are part of the deep seeded natural aggression of our species. Sopor affects us on an even deeper level, calming both our nerves and the turmoil deep within us. You've also been asking a lot about why we act the way we do. Pike, how exactly do the quadrants work even though you've asked this a glubzillion times? Why are we so violent? Why are we so obsessed with your blood colors anyway and why don't we all act equal now that the drones and empress are gone? What's the deal with buckets again? You know, pacific stuff we've either tried explaining before or are just plain culturally insensitive! Glub, I'm rambling again. Anyway, you know that, but Sollux here thought you'd pike to experience what it actually feels pike to be a troll, and we know how to shoal you now!"
I felt my eyebrows shoot up behind my bangs as my mouth hung open in shock. Slowly looking back over to Sollux I finally formed together the words, "You can make me a troll?"
Eridan was already on his feet, a look of rage plastered across his face. Terezi was gaping in our general direction and Dave had one eyebrow cocked in bemusement. Even Karkat had stopped talking and seemed to be at a loss for words. Before anyone else could speak, however, Sollux burst out laughing.
"No way, that'd be impothible, moron. Nah, I can't make you phythically into a troll, but I can do it mentally. I've created a genetic program that can hot-wire your brain into thinking and feeling like a troll. It doethn't latht long becauthe it taketh a lot of juithe to work thith thing, but you'll thtill be able to ekthperienthe what it ith like for at leatht a day. You'll even get to thleep in recupracoonth and everything."
As Sollux finished his speech, a huge grin had already found itself painted across my face. Vriska and Terezi were cackling, Karkat was going off onto some kind of tangent while Gamzee patted his knee, Nepeta was already pouncing excitedly on me, and Eridan was asking Sollux "how the fuck does somethin like that evven work?"
Dave walked over to me and leaned against the wall, sliding down until he sat beside Nepeta while she smothered me. He smirked at me as he peered over the top of her fuzzy blue hat, flicking his bangs out of his face as he did so.
"I am going to make such a fucking sick-nasty rap from this shit you have no idea."
It didn't take long for everyone to gather in the main ectobiology center after Sollux had made his announcement. Dave, Rose, Jade, and I were standing on a platform that reminded me of a transportation pad while Sollux fiddled with some machinery to the side. Lights blinked different colors around the room, lighting up the crowd of troll's faces as they watched us awkwardly stand in front of them.
"How much longer, man?" Dave's gaze flickered over to the hacker that was busy punching in a string of numbers via a small keypad.
"Don't get your pantieth in a bunch, thtrider, I'm almotht done. I just need thome... Volunteers, to have part of their genetic code applied to my program'th thequenthe."
The others who were watching us instinctively took a step back, but it was to no avail. Feferi was already swooping down upon them, dragging unwilling trolls over to where Sullux was working. Soon Vriska, Nepeta, and Gamzee were standing on a different pad on the opposite side of the machine as Sollux rapidly typed up the final lines of code.
"While I finithh thith up, could you ekthplain to our willing volunteerth why they were honored with being chothen, FF?"
Feferi grinned and bounced around the other group of unlucky test subjects. I waved over at Vriska, who shot back a double thumbs up at me with a smirk. Feferi started excitedly talking right away, and Vriska rolled eyes, miming the sea dweller with her hand. I snickered, but still leaned forward to an effort to hear better what Feferi was saying.
"So Vriska, you're obviously going to be the mold for the more violent tendencies and nature of our species, since Equius would have been way too intense of a choice. Plus, you were the only one to glubbing volunteer! Nepeta, you're going to be used for the mental understanding of quadrants because even though Karkat is also totally pro in this aspect, you're more stable especially with your strong moray-eel! Also, we weren't sure if Karkat's mutation would change anything or knot. And you, Gamzee, it appiers you will be used for what trolls experience in their sleep, since you're so high on soper all the time that it'll help make things more gentle for the humans since they're knot use to it!"
It made sense to me, but for some reason Gamzee seemed to tense up, eyes widening as Feferi spoke. "Whoa there, sis, maybe you should all up and rethink this shit. I'm high on the motherfucking spectrum, so don't that mean my daymares would be more intense and shit? Uh, wouldn't Tavbro be better for this? That chill motherfucker is wicked gentle." "There's no need to be nervous Gamzee! And even though you're high up, neither Eridan nor Vriska get daymares that are much worse than the others', pike Kanaya or Karkat. I bereef it should be about the same for you, so don't you fret your head over it! And Tavros is too meek, no offense!" She quickly shouted over her shoulder at the huge horned troll that was standing a couple feet away. He grinned slightly, but waved it off as he kept chatting with Aradia. Feferi continued. “So you're the best candibate because of both your strong blood color and your calm nature. Trust me, you're dreams can't be that bad since I don't think I've ever even sean you get angry. Pike I've tried explaining to John,"
"Our daymares are a result of the aggression in our species that is rooted into our genes. The worse they are, the more violent or angry your tendencies become! That's one of the reasons why Equius has a shorter temper or why Eridan has such a violent mindset, you understand?"
Looking over in at Gamzee I was surprised to see the troll had gone from a casual slouch to a mess of jutting shoulders and straining muscles. His normally half lidded eyes were wide, and he wore an expression like he was trying to grasp a thought he couldn't quite reach. Like pushing through fog beneath an ocean, Gamzee managed to force out, "Shit sister, you don't understand." But by then Feferi was already skipping back over to Sollux. I glanced over at Rose, who had also been watching, and though she maintained a relaxed demeanor I could see that crazy analyzing mind of hers working furiously behind her eyes are they bore holes into the skinny clown.
Gamzee stumbled forward as if trying to get off of the platform as quickly as possible, but just as he began shouting his morail's name, Sollux flipped a switch and I was suddenly surrounded by white. It enveloped me, surging through my bones and biting at my skin. It felt like I was being smothered in pillows, the kind that Dad always kept at the back of the cupboard that were too lumpy to use but still useful in case an emergency blanket fort needed to be created. An electrical buzz ran throughout my system, and I gasped as I biting pain suddenly shot through my head. Then suddenly, just like that, it was over.
I cracked my eyes open slightly, and it took me a moment to realize I was laying on the cool metal floor. Everything blurred, and I instinctively groped around for my glasses.
"Dude, they're right here," I heard Dave's voice somewhere above me, and something angled jabbed against my head. Again. And again. And again.
"Thanks," I said shortly, snatching them from his hands and placing them carefully on the bridge of my nose. Normally I would have just laughed it off, but for some reason I felt like Dave was really invading my personal space. Pulling myself back onto my feet I still couldn't help but grin at the sight of Dave's ruffled up hair. Apparently he must have fallen over too.
"Yeah, Yeah, you can send me a gift basket and your first born son later, how do you feel?"
I paused, sorting through all the sudden information and feelings in my head.
"Fine, actually. Whoa, this is actually pretty weird! I think... Oh shit, I think I'm starting to realize how offensive a lot of stuff I've said before really was, wow." I snickered, feeling a warmth bloom across my face as I awkwardly scratched the back of my head. Looking around I noticed that Rose was still passed out on the floor while Jade was beginning to blearily shake herself awake. Looking over at the trolls only Vriska seemed to be awake, rubbing her forehead and muttering curses under her breath. Both Nepeta and Gamzee were still out cold. A sudden outburst of swearing jerked my attention over to where Karkat was standing, clutching his head and sending glaring daggers over in Sollux's direction.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID YOU DO TO US YOU CONNIVING BULDGE SUCKING ASS FACE?"
Sullux was leaning against the machinery, shoulders shaking from laughter. Feferi grinned sheepishly beside him while the rest of the trolls angrily rubbed their heads. Even Tavros seemed agitated.
"It may have ethcaped my mind," Sollux snickered, "To mention that the alteration would affect everyone in the room." Another string of curses burst forth from the nubby horned troll.
"Sorry you guys," Feferi smiled guiltily, "It was my idea. I thought it would kelp bond the group if we all felt more connected, even if it is just for a day."
"Hehehe nice going Sollux," I chuckled, "You've really raised you prankster's gambit with this one! Next time you should totally-"
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY MOIRAIL, LOWBLOOD?" A roar suddenly echoed about in the room, cutting me off mid sentence. Equius rushed over to where Nepeta was still collapsed of the ground and gently hoisted her up into his arms. His gaze swept over to Sollux, face contorted in rage. However, before he could try turning the psionic into pulp Nepeta began stirring in his arm.
"Wow that was furry weird!" She blinked, a grin slowly stretching across her face; "It's okay Equius' I'm purrfectly fine!"
Equius still insisted on checking her over for bruises or sprains before finally setting her down. Soon everyone was back up on his or her feet, and I began blushing furiously when Karkat walked over. I could suddenly remember everything I'd ever said to him, and with the realization and understanding of quadrants now bouncing around in my brain like flubber, I couldn't even bring myself to look him in the eyes.
"Okay, I get it. You're embarrassed. Just spare me the awkward as hell apologies and any groveling on the floor like a grub you might be thinking of doing because honestly? I don't give a fuck anymore. You were- are still a complete moron, but I think we've already established this fact and I'd like to avoid whatever shit you were planning on spouting out of your mouth like a swollen, gaping asshole and instead proceed to pretending what you've said to me in the past has never happened- which I do anyway- and get on with our lives."
"Um, okay. Gross. And yeah, alright." I grinned sheepishly.
"I hate to break up this touching moment, boys," Terezi cackled, arm draped around Dave as they both sauntered over to where Karkat and I were standing, "But I'm thinking its about time we enjoyed some troll-related activities, such as watching some of Karkat's incredibly shitty rom coms! "
"They're not shitty," Karkat snapped, but the edges of his lips were twitching upwards, and I could tell that he was thrilled at the prospect of us all watching his films. By now almost everyone was up and milling around, recovering from the initial shock or the blackout.
"Yeah, you won't have to yell at me and try to explain what's going on when we watch them now, Karkat!" I said cheerfully, playfully bumping my shoulder and head into his. Karkat shot me a death glare, but I was already retreating out of his bubble. Normally, I admit, I forget about the concept of "personal space" but my fellow friend-leader didn't even need to tell me off this time since a weird feeling in my gut did it for him. Before I could start feeling awkward again, however, Karkat rolled his eyes and marched over to where Gamzee was still passed out on the floor.
"Care to tell me why the fuck my moirail is still out cold, Sollux?" Karkat snapped, crouching down beside Gamzee and shaking his shoulder. Sollux ambled over and scratched at the base of one of his double horns.
"Thorry, it theemth that thoper doethn't agree with the thythtem, KK," Sollux muttered, leaning over the juggalo's still form, "But really, he'll be completely fine. He'll be out for a while, but ath long ath he getth some thleep, at worthe he'll have a bitching headache to deal with."
"Fuck I'm too tired to argue. Fine, if you say so nooksniffer." My fellow friend-leader huffed. "Hey Equius?" Karkat yelled after smacking his moirail's face a couple times just to be sure, "Could you carry Gamzee back to a respite block for me? I'd do it myself but the fuckass is way to big to carry and I don't feel like dragging his limp body down flights of stairs any time soon."
Though I could tell that the freakishly strong troll seemed a bit put off by being asked for favors by Karkat (since he was... what do they call them again? "Lowbloods" I think). I knew Equius couldn't leave Gamzee (or the Highblood as he would say) laying on the icy metal alone, drool slowly pooling on the floor. With nervous beads of sweat forming on his brow, he hoisted the stoner into his arms bride-style and strode out of the room. After watching him leave, I turned back to Karkat, grinning.
"So how about that movie marathon?"
~oOo~
Silence. Emptiness enveloped me, weighing me down and choking the motherfucking breath out of my lungs. My mind was pushed out of my thinkpan, drifting above my head, spinning through shallow breaths and confusion. There was no screaming. No violent shaking or sweat soaked skin. Just. Silence.
I don't know how much time passed before I was able to snap myself back into reality. It felt strange lying there quietly, the dull smell of sopor filling my cartilage nub and the gentle slime consuming me. It was difficult to force myself awake without the sounds of my distraught voice to shake me into consciousness. When I finally all up and got my wakefulness on, I dragged myself out of the coon I had no recollection of climbing into. It couldn't be mine since my door was password protected (and, surprise, surprise, motherfucker, it's not "miracles"), so someone had to have all up and put me in here. Looking around and judging by the machinery strewn across the floor and raunchy art covering the walls, it was pretty obvious I was in my blue-blooded brother's space. The fuck was I doing here? Shit my head was heavy and I couldn't think straight. Something with blackening out... Because the piss blood---no, no my chill, psionic bro---he was doing some kind of experiment I guess? It was... Was...
Motherfucker.
Shit, shit, shit, what time was is? I frantically looked around in search of a clock or something, but unfortunately I could only find a pile of shit that had once resembled an alarm clock but was now a pummeled mess. Stumbling over to where the window was blacked out I tried tugging at the bolted canvass to catch a view of the outside. I tugged a bit harder, but the motherFUCKING SHIT WOULDN'T MOTHERFUCKING BUDGE. With that I pulled it down violently, ripping the cover, bolts, and part of the steel wall off and into a messy heap on the floor. Growling under my breath I squinted as the pale light of skaia filtered into the room, casting jagged shadows along the walls and my face. No. No, no, no, no, no, fuck. Though days and nights were different here on the meteor, I could tell it was already late morning, maybe even early afternoon. Everyone would be getting their motherfucking sleep on, minus maybe a couple of the insomniacs. I had to... Motherfucker, I didn't know, but I had to do something.
Leaping over the newly made rubble I dashed out the door, sprinting down the halls in search of my friends. Images flashed around me, crisp and sharp; my head was already filling up with a startling and familiar emptiness that tore through my skin and burned behind my eyes. Shit, I hadn't had sopor in... Well, before I went to hang with my very best friend in the lab before that lowblooded motherfucker came in, and since then I had passed out. I could feel the wicked awareness creeping up into my thinkpan, but I didn't have any time to waste. Rounding the corner I slid across the floor, talons raking against the metal as I caught myself before wiping out. Slamming my hand against the opposite wall, I felt my fingers dent into the metal as I pushed myself off. Running faster I began flash stepping down the hallways, searching for where the others could have chosen to crash for the day.
As I tore down a dimly lit passageway, heart pounding and nerves buzzing, a flickering light from beneath one of the doorways near the end caught my eye. Planting my feet I skated along the smooth titanium towards the entrance, claws raking against either sides of the walls to help slow me down. My momentum was still motherfucking stronger than I realized, and I ended up partially slamming into the door as I skidded to a halt. I barely heard the yelp of surprise as I flung the door open, chest heaving and hair sticking to my face from the lingering slime that hadn't been thrown off of me as I ran. The door would have slammed beside me if it weren’t for the fact a big ass pile of cardboard boxes smothered the potentially deafening sound of metal against metal. I probably should have been concerned with that fact that I had torn half the motherfucking hinges off the door, but the critical injures the door had suffered were oblivious to me as my eyes flickered around the room. There were four coons lined up against the wall and I could see small, silhouetted figures floating inside. Meanwhile the others were lounging around on couches, piles, or simply stretched out across the floor. Most of my fellow trolls were already asleep, including the shit blood---fuck---Tavbro, who was napping beside Nepeta and Sollux, both of which were awake. Karkat blinked tiredly at me in confusion.
"Gamzee, what the fuck...?" He stared at my disheveled appearance, and I instinctively reached up and wiped a clump of sticky hair from out of my face. As my eyes met the filthy mutant's---MOTHERFUCKER NO, my VERY-BEST-BRO-IN-THE-WHOLE-WORLD's---eyes, my mind went blank. Everything was too sharp, too clear, and my water-based vascular pump beat sporadically against my rib cage with every panicked breath. Yet, when I looked into my moirail's face, all the silence and voices and emptiness and the screaming, screaming, screaming inside my rusting thinkpan motherfucking stopped. For a moment. Just a moment.
Then, my fine feline sis (she must have been the one to all up and get her exclamation on when I burst into the room all crazy like) repeated my name and I snapped back into reality.
"You...You motherFUCKING MOTHERFUCKER," I suddenly heard myself roaring at the piss blood, hands shaking from both fear and anger, "What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU MOTHERFUCKING DONE?!" I moved towards the closest sleeping troll near me, who happened to be that sweet, curly-horned LOWBLOOD sis, and reached out in an effort to shake her out of her slumber.
By now Karbro was wide awake and on his feet, with Nepeta following closely behind him, and I could only pray to the mirthful messiahs that everyone would wake up before...before...
Red.
Blue.
Suddenly I found myself suspended in the air, claws inches from where the Aradia chick was still sleeping deeply. I tried to stretch---tried to reach---but in a flash my body was pinned against the wall, trapped within the kaleidoscope mess of the piss blood's---FUCK---Sollux's psionics. I struggled to open my mouth and call forth the voice that was wailing in my head over and over wake them up wake them up, WAKE THEM UP, but I couldn't because of the MOTHERFUCKING RED AND BLUE wouldn't all up and LET ME. They didn't understand; they couldn't understand. Sollux stood in front of me, raw power and sparks flowing from his eyes.
"The FUCK GM? What the hell ith wrong with you?" He snarled at me, the three other peasant bloods watching from behind him with wide eyes. I continued to squirm under the pressure of the psionics around me, but my limbs just couldn't get their motherfucking move on. Gasping, I felt the energy pull away from my throat, and I quickly realized Sollux all up and wanted me to give him some motherfucking answers.
"Wake. Up. Wake. Them. Wake. Wake-" I tried to choke out, my mind still drowning in lights and sounds I wasn't use to feeling so harshly, so clearly, so motherfucking LOUDLY.
Unfortunately, that's when the screaming started.
~oOo~
"Oh my god those two are so totally waxing black for each other," I laughed; leaning forward beside Karkat where we were lounging on the love seat (jeez, not like that, it's just comfy alright?), busy watching one of his sappy films. We were already on our fourth movie, and to be honest I was enjoying myself way more than I thought I would. Karkat had even played an action movie for me, with the one condition that it had to have Troll Will Smith in it. The other trolls were milling about the room, either watching the movie or talking amongst themselves.
After movie five I could feel my eyelids growing heavy, and a couple times throughout the troll equivalent of "50 First Dates" (the name was way too long for me to remember) I caught myself dozing off against Karkat's shoulder. Surprisingly enough he never tried shaking me off, but instead kept his muscles tense and his eyes glued to the screen. With all the new knowledge of trolls trapped swirling about in my head, I was now hyper aware of every little thing the others did. So every time I came to from nodding off and found myself resting against Karkat, I could feel waves of embarrassment washing over me. I wasn't his his moirail or matesprit, yet here I was curled up against him while watching romcoms into the morning. With all these new emotions of flustered confusion chewing at the back of my mind, I did the one thing I could think of. Ignored them and pretended nothing was wrong, of course!
After the seventh time I shook myself back into reality, quickly rubbing my drool off of Karkat's shirt as I did so (while dying on the inside as I felt my face redden), I finally suggested I try out just how nifty and cool recupracoons really were. Karkat seemed relieved, and by this point everyone was ready to crash. Sollux suggested we all just spend the night in the same room, and everyone was too tired to argue. Feferi was too excited for someone up this late (or early? Being thrown into the mental state of a nocturnal being was a bit confusing), and was already making sure nobody snuck off to their own rooms, since she continued to insist that this was a "bonding experience!" When the question of coons came up, since the room we were in only had four, Sollux explained that since we, being the humans, weren't use to what trolls experience while they slept, we'd be the ones to get the slime pods. Plus, Feferi had added in positively, we were all sharing similar brain waves right now so the trolls would have little issue sleeping outside of their recupracoons for one night. None of the night---I mean daymares (man this is still so weird!)---Should even be as bad as they usually are, especially with using Gamzee's high and calm nature. Heck, Sollux had even told me not to get my hopes up to seeing some crazy troll shit, since he was expecting the sopor to mask pretty much all of it. At most we'd probably wake up with a sense of aggression, but not much more. Personally I was just excited to have the chance to finally try out the coons (have I mentioned before that I'm a fan of slime?).
Stripping down to my shorts I shamelessly leaped into one of the pods, warm slime engulfing me up to my waist as I slipped in. Settling down I laid back, instantly becoming suspended in the comforting embrace of the sopor. I was asleep the moment my eyes shut.
~oOo~
It was an awful sound that filled the room, reverberating off the walls and causing my insides to twist in a sickening horror. My little cat sis spun around, eyes widened in shock as she looked over at the body that was thrashing behind her.
Tavbro was the first one to start screaming.
I continued to struggle at my psychic bonds as Nepeta bounded over to where Tavbro was spasming on the floor. She gripped him by the shoulders and shook him hard, trying to shout his name over the ungodly noise he was making. I had to get over to him. I had to break these restraints and... And... And sink my claws into his skin to draw out those strangled screams; drink down his terror by swallowing it off of his fear-stained lips. I wanted to be the cause of that noise, to pull the music out of his throat over and over and OVER AND MOTHERFUCKING OVER.
You know things are bad when you start feeling indifferent towards your best brothers, but things are really fucked up when you start imagining yourself all up and murdering your flush crush.
I needed some pie really motherfucking badly.
By now Nepeta had shaken the brown blood awake, and he was clinging to her as dirt colored tears streamed down his cheeks. Sweat rolled off his forehead as he breathed shallowly, choking out a sob ever few moments into the green blood's chest. But his sobs were overpowered by another voice; a voice that caused the piss blood's eyes to widen is horror. He spun around to where the lowest of the lowbloods had previously been sleeping peacefully moments before. Her hands were wrapped around her curled horns as if desperately clinging to a useless lifeline, and in the moment Sollux had turned his back, his psionics faltered. It was only for a split second, but I all up and took my chance to rip myself from the wall, forcing my way through the weakening psychic force. The piss blood---NO FUCK---Sollux hardly noticed as he ran to his previous matesprit's side.
The Aradia chick was positively shrieking, and without sopor slime around her she was also thrashing about similar to how the shit blood had. As my hacker bro shook her awake, both Kansis and the spider bitch began making distressed noises, though not as badly as the peasant bloods had. They were already drenched in sweat, and Vriska kept twitching from side to side. While my mutant blooded moirail tried to get over to both of them, the seadwelling motherfucker jolted upward, waking on his own from his relatively silent slumber. His usually fancy-ass hair was plastered to his forehead, and his eyes were wide with fear as his head jerked around in confusion. As the highest of the motherfucking highbloods began screaming, he wildly looked about him, searching for where fefsis was spasming on the couch. I could see his entire arm shaking as he reached out to her, forcing her to wake from her tormented dreams. She blinked at him once. Then twice. Then proceeded to double over the end of the couch, dry heaving as tears poured from her eyes.
I stood in the middle of the motherfucking chaos. By now everyone was up and comforting each other, and the only ones left still sleeping was that one motherfucking human. The three others had pulled themselves out of their own coons, and Kanaya was wiping slime off of Rose with shaking hands as they clung together. Every few moments the Jade blood would kiss the tears on her Matesprit’s cheeks, her own green tears dripping off her chin.
The pounding in my head had become a distant drumbeat, and I could feel every one of my nerves on fire as the world switched from shockingly clear to warped as everything swam before my eyes. I lurched as I felt the room start falling sideways, which is pretty motherfucking weird since rooms ain't suppose to all up and be able to move like that, but I ignored its decisions to start spinning around as I haphazardly made myself over to one of the coons. I shoved my arm into the slime, shaking whatever motherfucker was in there in attempt to wake them. The John human, though his face was twisted as if in pain, didn't stir. It looked like he was having some legitimate dayterrors all up in here. Poor motherfucker.
The filthy motherfucking mutant---FUCK, NO, KARKAT---stumbled up beside me, wiping at the tears stains on his shirt from the other motherfuckers he had been soothing, and looked down into the coon at the human who twitched every few moments.
"What the FUCK is going on, Sollux?" My Karbro asked, running his fingers along the side of the human's tense face. We were going to have to get our wait on if we wanted the windy bro to wake, since there was no way we would be able to get him up while caught in the thralls of dayterrors. Sollux looked up from where he was holding the rust blood, his face contorted in frustration.
"How the fuck thhould I know, KK? You know I wouldn't program thomething like thith into the thythtem, and I have never theen daymareth ath bad ath thith before. Fucking hell, KK, The only thing that wath uthed in relation to thleeping was GM-" He stopped mid sentence, glaze slowly shifting over to me. The room was still shaking a bit, but I was able to focus on the motherfucker clearly enough to see his eyes widen.
"Gamthee... What is... What is thleeping like for you?"
The mutant---no, my moirail---looked over at me, catching on to what the piss blood---no wait, Sollux---was implying. I gazed lazily over at him, ignoring the sounds of Tavbro's continued whimpers, quirking my lips upwards slightly at the sight of motherfucking worry painted all over his face.
The buzz I had felt minutes earlier as I has desperately searched the halls had worn off, and I was beginning to feel a cold sense of indifference taking the place of what was previously panic. It was actually starting to all up and feel pretty motherfucking funny that the peasant bloods were so freaked out. Shit, the filthy motherfuckers deserved it after I had suffered for so long. A little part of me reminded myself that I never wanted to worry nobody, let alone have them feel the hell I go through, and that no one deserved what that---well, except me. But I wanted to savor the smell of fear in the air; I wanted to merge dreams with reality. Those thoughts horrified me, but they kept repeating over and over and over in my thinkpan, burning a hole through the bottom and down into my guts.
"... Gamzee?" Karkat murmured, gently papping his hand against the side of my face. My pupils refocused as I looked at him, a smile playing at my lips.
"Hey Karbro, could you all up and bring me some pie? My thinkpan is doing all kinds of weird shit, and I could really use it right now, get what I'm saying?"
"Answer the quethtion first, GM," Sollux pressed as he stood back up on his feet.
"I'm not all up and getting my conversation on with you, you PISS-BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER, so why don't you let my moirail and I talk without you getting ALL UP IN MY MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS?"
"KK, get him thome fucking slime."
After everyone calmed the fuck down, and after my sweet Karbro had grabbed me some of my baked goods, and even a wicked elixir (ain't my moirail the most fantastic motherfucker?), we all settled down in the room beside where the windy bro was, so when he eventually got his wake on, we could quickly get to him.
I let the sopor wash over me; my face took on a vacant expression as the turmoil lulled in my thinkpan. The Rose chick, however, seemed to look right through me, through the stupid facade I kept, through the high fog that filled my eyes. The rest of them also looked at me expectantly, though I knew they couldn't tell how well I actually maintained my mind. I knew they thought I was properly drugged up by now. Honestly, while I was pretty buzzed, I was still more coherent than I bet they realized. Solbro was the first to speak.
"GM. Gamthee. I'm going to athk you some quethtions, and don't flip out thith time, but tell uth: what exactly do you ekthperienthe when you thleep? Do you have dayterrorth?"
My smile faltered, and I focused my attention over at the opposite wall. It was a pretty bitchtits wall, to be honest. Getting all up to whatever walls motherfucking do, being made out of metal like a badass. Yeah, it was a pretty awesome wall.
"GAMZEE," Karkat raised his voice and I flinched. His expression softened at he began rubbing my back.
"Gamzee," He repeated, gently this time. I closed my eyes and smiled, leaning my head back against the couch and breathing out a sigh of resignation.
"Bro, you're taking this too seriously. It ain't as bad as it seems-"
"Not as bad as it seems?" Jade snapped, wiping at her still watering eyes, "I want to know why I'm probably scarred for life, fuckass, and I want to know now!"
I frowned. "Sorry, sis," I muttered. I leaned forward, keeping my eyes closed as I took a deep breath.
"Well, you all must motherfucking realize by now that yeah, I all up and have dayterrors. It started when I was two sweeps old, and the old goat didn't really know what to do. It got worse and worse and motherfucking worse until it got to the point where goatdad began staying away for longer and longer periods. I was so violent. So motherfucking angry. Then one day the old goat disappeared for longer than usual. After I had finished wrecking the house after a particularly bad episode, I all up and got my wait on, sitting on my roof for hours watching the empty expanse of the ocean. The motherfucker didn't show up." I knew I was rambling, but I was a bit desperate to put off talking about the terrors at this point.
"Eventually I up and ate everything in my house, and I started to starve. I was spending days straight on the beach waiting for my lusus, but still he didn't return. I needed food, and it didn't seem like that motherfucker was going to bring me any. Since the old goat had always brought me food, I had no idea where to find any. My dayterrors became worse when I slept with an empty stomach, and I think I became a bit deranged at this point. Can't tell you much about what happened during this time since my thinkpan is all fuzzy as shit, but I know that at one point, in a fit of hunger, I tried eating some of the slime in my coon. That's when I discovered it was bitchtits wicked for my mind, and my dayterrors began lessening. Even though I was motherfucking high, I could think straighter compared to when my thinkpan was burning with rage. I found where goatdad kept our money, and I managed to get to a store some miles away and bought a shitload of supplies. I wasn't a stupid motherfucker, though, so I mostly got nonperishable shit.
Unfortunately I didn't know how much sopor I could handle at this point, so I all up and overdosed a couple times, but I somehow managed to pull through it. Eventually I figured out how much I could handle, and how much I needed to keep the dayterrors at bay. After that I continued to do my own motherfucking thing, found the mirthful messiahs, continued waiting for the old goat, and met all you motherfucking motherfuckers."
"Wait... You never told me your lusus abandoned you. You always said he was just gone a lot." Karkat managed to ask; clearly trying to soak in all of the other information you spewed over him.
"Well, I never stopped waiting for goatdad, you know? I still loved him. Sucked when he washed up dead on my beach, cause I had kinda hoped he'd say goodbye. Anyway, that shit doesn't matter right now." I shifted my gaze back over to Sollux, "The sopor here doesn't get it's work on so well for me, so I have to be high as a motherfucker before crashing or my thinkpan is fucked for the night. If I forget or shit then I all up and get my bad dreams on."
Feferi was still curled up in beside Eribro, wrapped up in his bitchtits cape to help her keep from shaking. Still, she held her head high and her voice level like a proper motherfucking princess as she spoke.
"Gamzee. The dreams I was plagued with were nothing pike the daymares I've ever experienced. I use to have them when I was young, when I wasn't use to my lusus yet, but I've never even heard of dayterrors being pike that. These dreams weren't just war or violence. They didn't feel pike aggression and the will and fight to survive. Gamzee, these were twisted. It was all gore and fear and blood and hatred. I experienced horrible things---I did unspeakable things---and it was pike an overwhelming carnal desire to torture and violate and it was sea-riously awful."
"Uh, I dunno what to tell you, sis," I ran my fingers tiredly through my hair, "After so many years I've gotten pretty use to it. I mean, yeah, the really bad stuff still makes me puke like a motherfucker, but I pretty much just wake myself up screaming and then go about my motherfucking day. I told you, it ain't as bad as it sounds."
By this point my Karbro looked like he might either beat the shit outta me or start crying. Maybe both.
"WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS, SHITSTAIN?" He finally burst out, not managing to hold down his temper much longer. "WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL YOUR GOD DAMN MOIRAIL THAT YOU'RE TORTURED DAILY BY, FROM WHAT I'VE GOTTEN TO HEAR SECOND HANDLY, THE MOST FUCKING EXTREME DAYTERRORS KNOWN TO TROLL KIND?"
I couldn't look at him.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS MAKES ME FUCKING FEEL, GAMZEE? LIKE THE SHITTIEST MOIRAIL IN THE UNIVERSE. I AM NOW THE LORD AND MASTER OF FAILED MOIRAILSHIPS. PEOPLE COME FROM FAR AND WIDE TO BASK IN THE GLORY OF MY FUCKUPS. THEY PAY HOMAGE TO ME IN GIFTS OF SHATTERED HOPES AND BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS. YET THEIR GIFTS ARE NOTHING, AS APPARENTLY, I AM SO UTTERLY TERRIBLE THAT THEIR PATHETIC OFFERINGS TURN TO HEAPING PILES OF SHIT IN THE PRECENSE OF MY INCOMPTENCE.“
The room was silent as everyone stared at Karkat.
"I'm going to check on windy bro," I finally replied with a lopsided grin, and I stood quickly to my feet. Karbro started to say something, but I couldn't handle all this motherfucking drama at the moment, and in a few strides I was out of the room. I heard someone begin yelling as I quickened my pace down the hall and into the next room, but I shut it out. Even though I had slept a lot of the night, I was exhausted.
However, my plans of getting some rest were interrupted when the John human bolted straight up out of the slime, ungodly screams tearing out of his protein chute. He then proceeded to empty his dinner all over the floor.
Motherfucking nasty, bro.
Walking up to the recupracoon I stepped over the mess and wrapped my arms around windy bro, lifting him out of the sopor as I gathered him against my chest. Karbro came dashing into the room moments later, breath ragged as his eyes fixed onto his flush crush who was shaking in my grip. Taking a couple quick steps over to the nearest couch, I set him down on the plush padding, staining the fabric green from the slime still dripping off of him. My moirail was at his side almost instantly, pulling John against his own chest as sobs and shudders shook the human to his core. Once Karbro had protectively wrapped himself around the human, John quickly took to clinging to the oversized sweatshirt Karbo was wearing, drenching it in his tears.
The others soon stumbled into the room, and the other humans were quick to run up and see how their friend was doing. Karbro ignored them, however, has he continued to rub windybro's back, gently murmuring to the traumatized motherfucker as the Jade Chica fussed over her ectobrother. Everyone seemed to have finally calmed down, and soon the most of the motherfuckers left to their own rooms for the rest of the day, moving in groups since no one wanted to all up and be alone after this whole ordeal. The last one to leave was Solbro, stalking off muttering something along the lines of "dethtroying the thtupid, fucking machine" as Karbro continued to comfort John on the couch. Windybro wouldn't be sleeping again for the day, I already knew this from experience, but with my insomniac moirail at his side I knew things would eventually fall back into place like miracles always do. Standing back onto my feet and stretching, I lumbered over to where Karbro was stroking the human’s hair, eyes still locked on the form curled against him. I leaned down and kissed my most beautiful, motherfucking moirail on his forehead before exiting the room.
I hadn't been expecting anyone to be lingering in the hallway, but as I stepped into the dimly lit corridor I saw my Tavbro leaning against the opposite wall, legs blending into the metal behind him as those huge eyes of his glanced up to meet my own.
"Uh, hey Gamzee," My big-horned miracle muttered, eyes darting to the light fixture flickering above us, and I felt a grin stretch across my face.
"What's up, Tavbro?" I asked good naturally, feeling the curiosity creeping up in my thinkpan as I tried to guess what he would be wanting to get his conversation on about.
"I... It's just that...Uh...I was..." He stuttered, now scratching at his arm uncomfortably as he stumbled over the sounds coming up out of his protein chute. Closing his eyes ---fuck, I love those eyes--- he took a deep breath before snapping them back open and staring straight at me.
"Do you really have drea--- Daymares like that all the... All the time?" He asked, and I felt myself slump slightly.
"Bro, you have no motherfucking idea how badly I up and feel about you having to go through that shit. Miracles should only experience miracles, know what I'm saying?"
"Gamzee, shut up," Tavbro said sternly, and my eyes widened in surprise. He plowed forward, determination written all over his face as he spoke, "Just stop it. You... You keep worrying about the rest of us but we, we will be okay, so that isn't a thing that you need to be, um, need to be doing. The question that I have is not if we are alright, but if, uh, if you are alright? The daymares I had were, uh," He paused, eyes glancing away from mine for a moment as he thought out his next words, "They were really, really scary, and they made me angry and, and terrified. But then I found out that... That wasn't even the worse of it. Those were daymares, not dayterrors. Not like what John experienced. And neither of those are, um, good things to ever deal with, but then I realized that you must have them, the daymares and, uh, dayterrors, all that time. Not that I'm trying to rub it in or anything, because of course that is a thing I would not do, since that would actually be awful of me, and also really dickish too, but what I'm trying to ask is, uh, will you be okay and is their maybe any way that I can help?"
He finally stopped, taking a deep breath, staring intently down at the floor as he finished. I'd never heard my bro talk so much, and it filled me with happy, fluttery motherfuckers, even though what he was saying kinda sucked. It sucked cause I knew I couldn't give him a proper reply since I didn't all up and know what the answer was. I really didn't know if I'd be okay, and I hadn't known for a long time now. Like the coward I was I always ignored that fear gnawing at the back of my thinkpan, refusing to acknowledged the seeping, creepy, all consuming worry that wasn't there, wasn't there, wasn't there. I didn't know what to say to Tavbro, however, so I just grinned and ruffled his Mohawk. Shit, I pitied him so much. He was filled with so much care and concern for all the motherfuckers around him. He pitied the whole goddamn world, and I was part of it. He pitied me, but not in the way that I did for him. He never would. He was this wonderful, living, breathing miracle with so much talent and so much to give, and I was fucked up in the head going nowhere but down.
I looked into those big brown eyes, and thought about how that colour would look flushed against his face. I thought about how that warm skin would taste, how those brown lips would feel against mine. How his teeth would sink into his lips in ecstasy, as I'd pleasure him. How pretty his blood would look dripping down his chin. How pretty it would look across his bare chest. How pretty it would look covering the walls. Covering my hands, my face, my cloths. His internal miracles, his organs and bones, strewn across the floor. Head separated from body separated from legs. Blood everywhere. Covering the walls, covering the walls, covering the walls.
I pulled my hand away from his hair. I couldn't lie to him. I wouldn't lie to him.
I lied to him.
"Nah my Tavbro, don't worry your sweet little head over me. I haven't up and had dayterrors in a really bitchtits long time now, and I've been getting way better, my brother. Compared to how things were, I'd hardly even call them daymares anymore; know what I'm saying? Only reason, I think, that your dreams were so motherfucking terrible was cause Solbro used my genetic code and all, bringing out the deepest and the worst and basically shitty parts of my sleeping thinkpan onto all you motherfuckers. And even when things get bad, and its been forever since it was as bad as that, bro, the sopor always helps me, so really," I smiled, my insides twisting is disgust and sickness for what I was saying, "I'm okay."
Tavbro's body visibly relaxed, and his face lit up with that miraculous smile of his.
"Thank god I was really, uh, concerned about you, so it's good to hear that. Uh, I mean, not good to hear that you still have some, um, daymares and all, but good that you're getting better, which is, really, fantastic news!"
He hugged me. I hugged him back. With a wave he left, and I was standing in the hallway alone again. The sounds of Karbro and Johnbro talking were distant as my ears were filled with the sounds of my blood pounding. It thumped over and over and over again in my thinkpan, whispering things, awful things, wonderful things, things I couldn't hear but knew they were there, and for the first time I finally found my acceptance.
I lingered on that acceptance when I shoveled sopor into my food gaper, more and more each day since the buzz was growing less and less with each mouthful. When I curled into myself, puke covering the front of my chest and running down my chin, claws digging into my arms because I was too scared to fall back asleep; too scared to see the colors. When I'd wipe my bloodied fingers across my face paint smeared face and mouth still dripping with sickness. I thought about it when Karbro came up to me a couple days later, telling me he had heard about what I had told Tavbro, and that he was sorry for snapping at me and was glad to hear I was getting better. I stopped thinking about it when the spider bitch got her mack on my Tavbro in the main room and announced they were officially together.
The thing was, I had finally decided to confront my fears, and I accepted the answer I had found. I was not, nor was I going to be, okay.
~oOo~
Even though the dreams were awful, I was almost glad that whole ordeal happened. If it hadn't, I wouldn't be intwined with Karkat right now, listening to him ramble on about some stupid thing Sollux had done as I lazily rested my head on his shoulder. He glanced down at me, noticing my dozing off, and pecked me on the nose before diving right back into his rant. A couple weeks had passed since the whole nightmare thing had happened, but I was happier then ever. In this moment, with Karkat at my side making my heart pound in my chest and a smile play on my lips, I knew everything would be okay.