Chapter Text
“I mean…I’m not tryna say anything, you know that! It’s just…y’know. You seem…distant from her - Them. Am I makin’ any sense?”
Zach was first introduced to Simon when he went over to the Gwon’s house for the first time.
One of the very few times.
He couldn’t remember the last time he was invited aside from parties or gatherings, to be honest with himself.
But, aside from that.
Sven introduced this small boy with a thinned smile, shoving him forward.
Simon looked at Zach with a mix of nervousness, confusion, and a bit of curiosity.
He didn’t bother speaking, instead letting Sven do the talking.
“Zach, meet my little bro! Mom wants him in our group since he’s startin’ Primary.”
An eight year old Zach grinned down at the youngest Gwon.
He’d heard a bit of him from Sven already, and what was one more friend?
“What’s up little man?”
There was a silence as Simon looked up at him, eyes narrowed slightly as he fiddled with the buttons on his shirt.
Sven sighed dramatically, shaking his brother’s shoulder slightly.
“You’re supposed to introduce yourself, dummy! C’mon, I’ve told you about Zach before!”
Simon seemed a little startled, but finally spoke up in a small voice.
“Hello. I’m Simon. It’s nice to meet you.”
Zach snickered at the formal greeting, but his grin softened.
“I’m guessin’ he’s a shy kid?”
“Yup. Doesn’t like talkin’ to people outside of the family. Mom said havin’ him in our friendgroup would open him up.”
And so, that was history.
That day was a bit awkward for Zach.
Obviously, they were holed up in Sven’s room playing with his toys.
He got this cool battery-charged dinosaur for his birthday, and was practically bouncing off the walls at the chance to play with it.
After a few minutes, however, Simon appeared at the door with a book in his hands, his mother gently pushing him into the room.
“Don’t be shy, dear, I’m sure Sven and his friend would love to play with you!”
Simon’s face was scrunched up, and he held onto his mom’s shirt tightly.
His eyes were locked on Zach, as if he was looking at a foreign thing.
The Gwons didn’t invite people over often, he guessed.
“C’mon in, Simon! I have an extra dino for you to play with.”
Sven didn’t seem entirely adverse to including Simon into their hangout, although his eyes seemed to narrow as Simon continued to cling to mom.
“Don’t be a baby, Simon!
Despite both Sven and his mom convincing Simon to stay in the room and play, he kept to the bed while Sven and Zach were on the floor.
He was seemingly engrossed in a book called ‘50 Exciting Space Facts’, and Zach only now noticed the small toy spaceship in his hand.
However, Simon always seemed to glance at him when he thought Zach wasn’t looking.
Eventually, the older boy had enough of it.
“Do ya think dinosaurs could survive in space?”
Simon startled as Zach sat up by his legs, holding up his red T-rex to the book.
A long moment passed, and Zach honestly thought the youngest Gwon wouldn’t answer.
“Realistically…dinosaurs wouldn’t survive because space doesn’t have oxygen for them to breathe.”
Delighted to finally get a response, Zach pressed on.
“What about my dino? Rexy is a supa cool robot who can shoot lasers and breathe fire!”
Sven sat with his legs crossed, their earlier game abandoned as he observed the interaction between the two.
“Hm…well, I guess a robot wouldn’t need air.”
Simon contemplated, idly playing with the pages of his space book.
But his fire wouldn’t work with no oxygen to fuel it.”
“He has ice breath too. And a sword.”
After that, Simon seemed a bit more comfortable with him, but their main interactions happened in school out in the playground.
Sven would have to drag the youngest Gwon outside sometimes, because he preferred to read inside in the Cafeteria.
Other times, however, the boys got Simon to join in on their fun, often by suggesting Space-centric games they could play.
He seemed to like controlling what game they were playing, and would give extensive backstory.
Zach didn’t really care, more focused on playing the part of an endlessly cool space pirate captain.
Still, he noticed that Simon seemed to have some specific interests that got him talking.
One time at lunch, Zach offhandedly asked about a cool looking ship in Simon’s newest book ‘Space and its History’, and the normally reclusive boy didn’t stop talking until it was almost the end of lunchtime.
It was a very different side to him - normally barely averaging a conversation per day - so the next lunchtime, Zach sat next to Simon and peered into his book.
“Um…what are you doing?”
Simon shrunk away a bit, and Zach pointed to a planet on a page.
“Hey, I know that one! Saturn’s the one with all the rings, right? I think it’s the coolest one.”
Simon blinked, before his eyes lit up.
“Yeah! It’s the second largest planet in our solar system. Its rings are actually made of rock, dust and ice - theorized to be from asteroids - even though the actual planet is a gas giant.”
Zach grinned and raised a brow.
“Like…it releases a lot of farts?”
“No! Planets can’t fart.”
Simon said matter-of-factly, shaking his head a bit as he pointed to the Saturn displayed in his book.
“Saturn is made up of hydrogen and helium gas, and it’s the least dense planet in the solar system.”
“Huh..”
Zach was actually semi-interested now, looking at Saturn with a renewed type of interest.
“I didn’t think a planet could be made of gases. How does it even stay together?”
“Well…”
And then Simon was off to the races, barely stopping to take a breath as he proceeded to drop every single piece of information he knew about this planet.
Sven came back from the bathroom just as his younger brother was in the middle of describing Titan, Saturn’s largest moon and the second largest moon in the entire solar system.
“Please don’t convert my friend into a space nerd, lil bro. I don’t think I could deal with two of you.”
Simon frowned, and blew his brother a raspberry, which was reciprocated.
Aside from those rare moments, Zach and Simon never really interacted with each other, mostly going along with whatever Sven wanted to do and having one-off conversations.
Zach started to realize that Simon was just a socially awkward kid trying to get his bearings, so he never pushed.
Simon almost clung to his brother, spending most of his time with Sven and often looking to him for guidance for most things - like most younger siblings tended to do.
So, it was a surprise to Zach when Simon actually initiated a conversation for the first time.
“Saturn has a moon called Mimas that looks like the Death Star.”
Zach lowered his drink, perking up at the mention of anything Star Wars related.
He watched it with Sven and was immediately a huge fan. He and Sven have had endless lightsaber battles.
“Wait, you’re serious? That’s hella cool!”
“Mhm! My book even has a picture comparison.”
Simon lifted up his newest space read ‘10 Lesser Known Facts About Each Planet’ and sure enough, there was a picture for picture comparison of Mimas and the Death Star.
“Yooo, we have a real-life Death Star in our Solar System! When we grow up we should totally do a lightsaber battle there!”
“..You think we’ll manage to make it all that way?”
“‘Course we are! We’re supposed to have flying in cars in 2030, so getting to Mimas is gonna be easy peasy by then, and my family’s definitely rich enough to get us a flight.”
Simon looked down, imagining the possibility.
“I’ve…always wanted to be on a real-life spaceship.”
“There we go! Can you imagine how supa cool a lightsaber battle would be with zero gravity??”
As Zach started to hangout with the Gwon brothers more, he noticed something a little…weird.
Their lunchboxes almost always consisted of some sort of ‘healthy’ stuff.
Fruits, spinach, avocado salad, you name it.
It was on a strict schedule, every other day.
Zach got introduced to quinoa from Sven, who offered him his half-eaten lunchbox.
He wasn’t a fan. And apparently, neither were they.
Sven barely ate more than half of his more healthy lunches, instead buying from the cafeteria with his pocket money, while Simon had to be coaxed into eating any at all when it came to anything that might have quinoa in it.
He thought it was pretty crummy that they were rich like him and yet still had to eat their veggies.
So, he’d offer to buy stuff for them, or give them some food from his own lunchbox. He always enjoyed bringing them some sort of expensive Italian dish and seeing their reactions.
When they got to middle school, they’d sneak out during lunchtimes at least once a week and go to the nearest burger joint near their school.
It was one that the brothers seemed to particularly love.
Simon was a lot more talkative towards Zach in middle school.
Any of his previous reservations about Sven’s best friend slowly melted away as they spent more time together.
Now that he wasn’t buried in a book all the time and actually willing to hold up a conversation, Zach found the youngest Gwon to be pretty cool.
They weren’t best buds, but they hung out with each other often and enjoyed each other’s presence.
Simon seemed to like observing more than anything, although now he wasn’t afraid to join in on whatever conversation there was if he was interested.
That changed when he joined highschool with them, however.
Simon didn’t talk much, and he was often paired with some sort of study book or non-fiction.
Whenever Zach tried to include Simon in stuff, he’d scoff and call it ‘immature’ or ‘childish’.
He even started slowly but surely denying the offers to go out to that burger joint, instead eating everything in his lunchbox without a word of complaint.
Zach didn’t understand it at the time.
He thought their friendship was getting along well!
One day, after another - particularly harsh - failed attempt, Zach returned to Sven, a bit bummed.
“..Ay. So, did I uh…do somethin’?”
Sven turned, a bit confused.
“What?”
“Simon. It’s like we’re back to square one! Did I make him mad or..?”
Sven made a face Zach couldn’t decipher, and he sighed.
“Mom and Dad want him to be a mechanical engineer, so they’ve got him focused on his studies.”
Zach raised his brow.
“He already knows what he wants to be?”
“...Yeah. Something like that.”
Sven rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged.
“Look. It’s best you just…leave him be, alright? It’s…complicated.”
And that was the end of that.
Over time, Simon seemed to retreat from their little tight-knit group entirely, and whenever they were together it was like they were strangers, with only Sven as the mutual keeping everything together.
Zach learned to move past it and go along with their new dynamic, although sometimes, he missed the dry, curious nerd Simon who pretended to gag everytime quinoa was mentioned and always had a new factoid he brought up no matter what the conversation was.
Sven was Sven.
His best friend since all the way in Primary, their shenanigans lasting them all the way ‘till college.
What else was there to even say?
...
But, if he really wanted to fully entertain this sudden thought in his head…there were some memories.
The first one that came to mind was the most important one.
That talk on the roof.
Zach’s family mansion was atop a small hill.
The boys often liked to climb up to the roof and watch the happenings of the town below.
It made them feel big in a world that constantly reminded them of how small they truly were.
They were young at the time, Sven 15 and Zach just turning 14.
Sven was tracing the lid of his soda can, curled up into a small ball.
Zach noticed his uncharacteristic silence, and eventually quieted down, giving his friend the space to sort out his thoughts.
“Zach?”
“What’s up?”
“Why d’ya…like me?”
Zach sat up, his shades slipping down to reveal concerned eyes.
“What?”
Sven avoided his gaze, looking down at the town’s lights.
“I asked you a question.”
“Well…why wouldn’t I? You’re Sven!”
Sven looked so genuinely contemplative that Zach felt the need to continue, his voice growing more serious.
“Because you’re…fun, and witty, and smart, and creative, and charismatic, and confident, and…life would be boring without you, y’know? There’s no one else like Sven Gwon.”
Sven exhaled, nodding almost to himself.
“I just..”
He trailed off, and there was this sudden vulnerability in the night air that seemed…fragile.
Zach didn’t talk, understanding that this was something fleeting.
“Scarlet’s good at literally everything under the sun. Simon’s a child prodigy. What am I?”
“But you top almost all your classes.”
Zach pointed out.
Sven seemed to curl up more into his little ball.
“That’s not…enough. Not when Scarlet wins a trophy every week and Simon can already figure out my level calculus.”
“..Does it matter?”
Sven scoffed.
“Of course it matters! I feel like a fraud in my own home!”
“No, not like that.”
Zach stumbled a bit, trying to figure out his words.
There was silence.
The wind was chilly, and the activity of the town seemed so distant.
“I mean…does it matter to you specifically? To win an award every week and learn calculus two grades above your level. Are those…the things you want?”
There was another period of silence, and Zach was worried he screwed it up.
Until eventually..
“..No. I don’t…really give a rat’s ass about any of that.”
“Well then maybe it shouldn’t be somethin’ that you keep thinking about.”
“Maybe.”
Zach could tell Sven wasn’t fully convinced, but he was quick to switch the subject, and Zach left it at that.
Over the years, Zach honestly thought Sven finally let it go.
Now?
He wasn’t so confident.
After that specific talk, Zach spent a good chunk of time trying to cheer his buddy up.
To him, that night came completely out of left field.
Sven was…Sven!
The reason they became friends in the first place was because Zach kinda admired his overconfident, no-rules attitude.
He made everything such an enjoyable laugh you’d think nothing could ever get through to him.
Apparently, that wasn’t the case.
Never was, if Zach was looking back on it.
He wondered, distantly, how much of that brash, unshakeable attitude was fake.
Even though Sven seemed normal, Zach wanted to make absolutely sure.
So, the week after, he invited Sven to his place for a movie binge.
His parents were away for a trip, so he had the house practically to himself.
They did their usual: raid the kitchen for as many unhealthy snacks and drinks they could find, microwave a gluttonously huge bag of popcorn that they somehow managed to finish by the end of it all, and sit everything down on the couch as they put on the newest Superhero flick.
Zach was multi-tasking, watching the action scenes and texting this cute girl he was trying to plan a date with.
Some sappy cliche scene came on - you know the one, where the Mom hugs her son and they have their heartfelt talk and all the ‘I love you’s and stuff - and Zach turned his brain off, scrolling through Insta while he waited for a response.
Offhandedly, he glanced at Sven, wondering if he was as bored as he was and if they should skip the scene entirely, but his friend was turned away from him, one of the blankets wrapped around him.
He caught a line from the movie.
“It doesn’t matter to me how strong you are or how many times you save this city. They might call you a superhero, but you’ll always be my baby boy, you understand?”
…
He swore he saw tears.
“Hey, Sven?”
Their little group was back in middle school, on the swings.
Sven was trying to kick himself up as high as possible, Simon’s swing was stagnant as he read his book.
“What?”
“Why don’t I ever see you two…with your sister?”
To be honest, he’s never seen Scarlet Gwon much. She kinda intimidated him, not that he’d openly admit it.
Her reddish eyes gave her a freakishly scary glare.
Simon seemed to shrink at the question, and Sven's mood changed.
“She doesn’t want us around. Says we get in her way.”
He rolled his eyes, but his body language seemed to tighten.
“Honestly, the feeling’s mutual. She’s always goin’ around doing one thing or the next - it’s tiring to even look at! Plus, she’s the bossiest kid this side of Canada. She’d kill all the fun.”
Sven kicked off the ground so hard a bit of dirt flew from his shoe.
Simon remained silent, although he didn’t return to reading his book.
“..She used to play with us all the time.”
He sounded hurt.
A little confused.
Sven noticed, and dug his heel into the ground, abruptly stopping his swinging.
“Hey, listen. We’re all growing up, I guess she wants to spend more time with girls her age. We still spend plenty of time together at home!”
…
“No we don’t. She always locks herself in her room.”
Simon seemed to retreat into himself even more, and there was a heavy silence.
Zach didn’t have siblings - he didn’t understand why it seemed so important to spend so much time with your older sister.
Still, he wasn’t an idiot.
Clearly, this was something that mattered to them.
“Uh…maybe she’s just tired..? If I were in a major competition every week I’d be a bummer to be around too.”
“But she’s always tired around us now.”
Simon sighed, the tip of his shoe tracing nonsense patterns into the dirt.
“..She looks at us like Father does.”
“What–?! Don’t be ridiculous!”
Sven was quick to take over the conversation, laughing at a higher pitch than normal.
“Scar loves us! If it’s bothering you that much, we’ll have a sibling hangout at that fast food place down the road.”
Simon seemed to light up a bit, and Sven grinned as if to ease him.
“She’s already done her competition, we can tell her this is a celebration thing for her, yeah?”
“Yeah!”
Sven somehow managed to revive the atmosphere and, after pausing a moment to make sure Simon was fine, kicked off his swing again.
All was normal, and Zach left it at that, switching topics to his vacation in Italy.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out Sven wasn’t too close with his dad.
Sven often talked about his mom more, and when the subject of his dad did come up, all he had was a thinned scowl and a rant about how ‘he thinks I can’t do anything right!’.
Zach learned to stop asking about stuff like that.
It was a sore subject.
One day, though, Sven didn’t show up for school.
That was normal.
Sometimes, Sven managed to convince his mom to take a day off.
Then again, he got in trouble for being rowdy in class and failed his physics test the same day. He guessed Sven took the opportunity off to cool down his parents.
When he came back the next day, however, things were…different.
He was unusually quiet and obedient, staying silent in classes and answering questions like clockwork.
Zach thought that was just to appease the teachers - Sven’s done it before flawlessly - but when lunchtime hit and Zach tried to talk to him, Sven brushed him off completely.
He wasn’t having it.
“Hey man!”
He tugged on Sven’s jacket to catch up with him.
Sven didn’t stop, but allowed Zach to match his strides.
“What’s up with you? It’s like someone sucked the life outta you or something!”
They made it to the spare storage room.
It was their favourite hangout spot when they wanted to skip classes.
Sven slumped into the extra chair at the corner of the room, and Zach could barely close the door before Sven was in a fit, tossing whatever he could get his hands on at the wall as hard as he could.
His lunch tray, the contents spilling onto the ground.
A broom that clattered loudly.
A large bin of printing papers was dragged off one of the shelves and hurled.
Zach could do nothing but stand by the door, pressing himself against the wall to avoid some of the stuff being flung around without care.
“Woah, woah man! What the hell?!”
An empty paint can was thrown so hard Zach covered his ears at the sound.
Sven even got up and threw his own chair at the wall, and it landed pathetically with the rest of the items.
When Zach had the nerve to move closer, he noticed Sven’s heavy breathing.
He slumped against the wall and slowly slid down to the ground himself, curling up into that small little ball again.
“It’s not fair..”
Now, Zach could make out crying, Sven’s shoulders heaving with every breath.
He panicked.
He wasn’t the best at this sort of thing.
He wondered if he should dash out and get Scarlet or Simon.
Maybe Beatrice would know what to do.
Was this serious enough to get a teacher for?
Zach stood frozen for a minute, before slowly sitting down with him.
He was fumbling for something to say, trying to remember something from Bea’s ‘emotional psychology’ books, but it turned out he didn’t have to.
“..It’s like nothing I do is enough for Him. Ever!”
Sven wiped his tears, sniffling softly.
Zach could figure out who ‘Him’ was referring to, and out of some sort of desperation to help his friend, he slowly offered his carton of peanut punch.
Sven stared at it numbly, before taking it and pulling out the straw.
“..What the hell is this, dude.”
“Some Caribbean drink Mom got on one of her trips. I’m not a fan, but you’re a peanut butter fanatic so I thought you might like it.”
Sven eyed it suspiciously, before shrugging and taking an experimental sip.
The two boys sat there like that for a while, letting the time pass them by.
“...It’s good.”
“I can tell. You drank half of it already.”
Even with all this time to think and plan, Zach still came up with nothing.
The only thing he could do was sit there with his friend and wait for him to speak.
He felt helpless, in a way.
It was clear Sven was going through something, and the only thing he could muster up was some stupid drink.
At least he seemed to have calmed down, his sudden lashing out disappearing as quickly as it came.
“Do you…uh…are you ok with…talkin’ about it?”
Zach felt incredibly out of depth.
Sure, they’ve been friends for years now, but their friendship was never…emotionally based?
They hung out all the time and stuff but…personal problems weren’t a part of their usual.
“...I dunno. I guess?”
Sven finished the peanut punch, crumpling the carton and tossing it at the wall.
It bounced with a flat, hollow kind of sound.
“I don’t think…I’m the Son…Dad wanted.”
It sounded like it took effort for him to choke out.
“It’s like he wants me to fit this specific mold and…I…I’m tired of it! I might not be the best performer in the world but I just wish—!”
Sven lifted his head to look up at the ugly storage room ceiling, and Zach saw his lips trembling with the effort to keep from crying again.
When he finally built up the courage to speak again, his voice was quiet and fragile.
It reminded him of a small boy.
“I just wish…he looked at me like I was his kid instead of…I dunno. A wasted potential. A disappointment. His disappointment.”