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The words “home” and “family” had never had any meaning to Noire. Where for others, these were the only few sources of comfort and safety in a world that was anything but, for Noire, home had been just another place of fear. There was no chance for developing familial affection when the person hurting Noire the most was her own mother.
It was a near daily occurrence, but familiarity didn't make standing in the middle of Tharja's study any less terrifying. Tharja's creativity when it came to developing curses was only rivalled in her sadism as she'd call upon Noire to be her test subject. Just the sound of Tharja calling her name was enough to bring tears to Noire's eyes, and by the time she went to her mother – there was no use running, Noire had learned that lesson very fast – she was already bawling. Tharja, who had been in the middle of her final preparations, frowned.
- Noire, be quiet. You're breaking my focus.
But it wasn't so easy when you're so afraid that you can hardly breathe, and hearing the disapproval in her mother's voice only had Noire wailing more hopelessly.
- Noire, Tharja said, and there was a warning in her low voice. - If you do not be quiet, I'll have to punish you. You wouldn't want to be punished, would you?
Panic flashed in Noire's mind, enough to leave her gasping for air as a clump in her throat grew. Seeing from Tharja's expression that this was no idle threat – not that hers ever were – Noire quickly pressed her hands over her mouth in a desperate attempt to force herself to be quiet. Tears still welled in her eyes, but Tharja didn't look to care, as she prepared to cast her curse. And all Noire could do was close her eyes and pray that it would be less horrifying than last time, and hope that this prayer wouldn't be unanswered like every other time.
But hope had never paid off in Noire's world, and it didn't this time either.
It was the flash of pain that startled Noire awake, and she shot up with a scream. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she looked around herself madly. No longer in Tharja's study, Noire looked around wildly in the moonlit room she was in, but as she did her best to breathe, it came back to her. This was her room at her father's home. Not the father who had been useless in protecting her from Tharja's cruelty before getting himself killed, but the father in the timeline that Noire and her friends had escaped to, the one who had had the stones to stand up for his daughter and take her far, far away from the woman who had hurt her so. And Noire wasn't the helpless little girl she'd once been either, as the length of her back and the weight of her breasts proved. Not that having the body of an adult made Noire feel any less shaken by the memories she'd relived just now.
- Noire? Are you okay?
The voice made Noire jolt, though she quickly calmed down as she remembered that this room wasn't just hers anymore. Turning her head, Noire saw that Morgan was sitting up and looking at her concerned – a rare emotion on a face that at times felt to be nothing but smiles and sunshine. Then again, any decent person would probably be worried if they were woken up by their partner screaming out of fright.
- Sorry for waking you, Noire whispered, feeling guilty. - I... It was just a dream, w-we should go back to sleep...
But instead, Morgan reached for Noire's hand and squeezed it gently. They'd been together for long enough for Morgan to know when Noire wasn't okay no matter how she insisted otherwise.
- Do you want to talk about it? The dream, I mean, Morgan asked. - Was it about... y'know?
She didn't need to specify. They'd both been through horrid things during the war, and Noire even more so during the reign of Grima in her timeline, but only memories of Tharja could have Noire jolting awake in a blind panic in the middle of the night. The instinct to deny it and insist that she was fine was still there, but Noire had worked hard to learn that with Morgan, it was okay to open up. And so, even though admitting it had her shaking again, Noire was able to nod. Morgan's face twisted in sympathy, and slowly, she put her hand on Noire's shoulder and pulled her closer.
- Come here, it's gonna be okay, Morgan whispered, hugging Noire tightly. - Do you want to rest your head against my chest a bit?
Exhaling slowly, Noire nodded again, and Morgan smiled as Noire slid her head down until her face was cradled in the valley of Morgan's breasts. It was a little embarrassing, but Noire loved Morgan's breasts, and feeling them against her face always gave Noire comfort. And it was not like Morgan minded, wrapping one arm around Noire to keep her close while petting Noire's head with the other hand. The softness of her partner's breasts and the tenderness of the petting soon had Noire relaxing, even if a clump of anxiety remained.
- Is it any better now? Morgan asked, and when Noire said yes, they settled back to laying down, though Morgan still kept petting Noire's head and holding her close. - I'm here for you, if you want to talk.
- There's not much to say, Noire whispered. - Just reliving what she did to me... I thought I'd left it behind. I want to focus on the life I have now, but... Whenever I think things are going well, suddenly, I'm reminded again, y'know?
- Hmm... I read once that dreams are like our brains processing our fears so that we can be ready to face them, Morgan said. - Maybe that's why you keep having those dreams. I mean, with how awful your mom is, it's understandable the fear won't just go away so easily.
- I know, Noire sighed. She was more aware of this fear than she even liked to admit. She contemplated whether she should say anything, but Morgan always encouraged her to be open about her feelings, so Noire carried on: - Honestly, sometimes, I wish I could just erase my memories. If it meant forgetting all the pain, it feels like it'd be worth it...
It was only a few seconds of silence later that Noire came to remember why talking about losing one's memory around Morgan of all people was probably not the greatest idea. Panicked, Noire looked up at Morgan to gauge her reaction, and was relieved to see that Morgan didn't appear offended. Instead her face was crunched in contemplation, like it always was when she was thinking very hard about something that probably shouldn't have taken so much brain power.
- Hmm... Yes, I can see that, Morgan said, her petting of Noire's head a bit more absent-mindedly now that Morgan was so deep in thought. - I've always been so desperate to get back my memories, but now that I think about it, it's also possible I'm so happy because I can't remember horrid things from the past... It's hard to know which would be better.
Then, she looked to snap out of it, her eyes wide with embarrassment as she looked down at Noire.
- S-Sorry, I didn't mean to make this about myself! Morgan said quickly. - Err, if you really want to forget, I-I'll do what I can to help! Although, I can't think of anything that wouldn't involve a degree of pain, and I don't want you to be hurt...!
She looked so distressed that Noire couldn't help but chuckle, just a little. There was something so pure about Morgan's unfiltered earnesty that it made Noire feel more at ease, even during tough times.
- It's okay. I appreciate the sentiment, though, Noire said. - And it's true. If I were to lose my memories, I might be desperately trying to get them back, not knowing I'm only setting myself out for pain.
- I guess it's never that simple, huh? Morgan said, scratching Noire behind the ear. Noire sighed happily. Morgan always gave the best pets. - But, for what it's worth... Even though I can't make the pain in your past go away, I'm here to help make loads of happy memories with you. So that you'll have a happy future to outshine the past!
Coming from anyone else, Noire just may have been pessimistic enough to let it come in one ear and out the other. But with Morgan, it was different. Morgan was such a ball of optimism and determination that even through the darkest of hours, Noire couldn't help but smile, as she did now, propping her head up and looking Morgan in the eye.
- I know. Th-thanks, Noire mumbled. The way Morgan practically shined upon hearing that, Noire really did feel like the darkness of her memories was fading already. - And I'm here for you too. I can't help you get your memories back, but I'll do my best to make lots of new memories together with you!
- That's the best a girl could ask for, Morgan smiled, before leaning down and kissing Noire on the forehead. - I love you, Noire. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy.
The smile on Noire's lips widened, as she departed from their embrace just enough to kiss Morgan on the lips. Morgan responded to it gently, their bodies intertwining as they embraced each other afterwards, the comforting warmth of Morgan next to her helping Noire get peace of mind as they had attempt number two at having a good night's rest.
It was true that Noire's childhood and Tharja's actions continued to haunt her, and likely would for the rest of her life. But Morgan had already shown Noire that life could get better, and that Noire herself had the power to make it so. So Noire would keep hanging on, no matter how many painful memories would came her way. Noire could not change her past, but they'd already changed the future once. So Noire had hope that she could shape her future to be brighter, and with Morgan by her side, that hope no longer felt in vain.