Chapter Text
Christmas was almost over now. The lights in the houses surrounding the village square were switched off one by one until it got swallowed by the darkness. Snow heavy clouds covered the sky, blocked out the moonlight, making the world outside the living room window suddenly look gloomy rather than festive. She had been staring at the same scenery for at least ten minutes now, ignoring everything that happened behind her back. The laughter had died a while ago with the children now up in the bedsit for a much-needed long night of rest. Eventually Tristan had offered Charlotte a lift back to her place and James had decided to call it a night as well. Which left Audrey alone with Dorothy and Siegfried. At first she had tried to enjoy the conversation, had laughed about her friend’s stories, had even told some herself, of her warden duties, the bomb scare that had been nothing but a provision crate. She spoke about Edward, Mary and Betty and her time in Sunderland. Dorothy offered a glimpse into life on the island as well, leaving both her and Siegfried speechless for a moment. But after a while it had become apparent that their topics of conversation were running out and there was not really room for her at the table anymore. Looks were shared between Siegfried and Dorothy, and she had seen her friend’s hand resting almost possessively on her employer’s leg early on during their cheerful exchange of tales from the recent and not so recent past.
The kitchen had been her first refuge then. Busying herself with household chores was her much tested strategy to distract herself sufficiently from unwelcome thoughts. And she suddenly had a lot of them, much more than anticipated after the last two days. Why she was not feeling elated about the recent events was puzzling her. This was her best friend and Siegfried finally having found the happiness they deserved after so many years of being without a partner. She should be happy, excited even. Thankful that Dorothy had survived the war unscathed, that she still had her family and was returning to Yorkshire. It had all sounded so wonderful to finally have her old friend live close by after so many years of separation. Instead, all she could focus on was that strange pain in her chest, the stabbing, aching feeling that grew stronger each time she thought about the moment she had seen Dorothy in Siegfried’s arms, both oblivious to what was happening around them.
Defeated by her gloomy thoughts, she had eventually put the dishcloth away and decided that the already tidy kitchen had failed her tonight. Perhaps returning to the living room, putting a record on and relaxing a bit on the couch was the better option. Leave Dorothy and Siegfried alone for a while and cuddle the dogs who had not gotten her full attention in the days leading up to Christmas. But after re-entering the room she had found the couple engrossed in a whispered conversation with eyes only for themselves and no one else. She had tried not to look but her eyes had taken in every detail and a strange feeling had started to spread in the pit of her stomach, adding to the pain in her chest.
At least Dash had immediately sought her company after Audrey had settled down on the window set, as far away as possible from the dining room table. Here she could not hear the conversation, could not see their interaction, pretend to be indifferent to it all. Until a hand on her shoulder reminded her of what she was trying to ignore. Startled by the sudden touch, she turned around and was greeted by Dorothy’s smiling face which she quickly matched. After all, this was her friend who she had not seen for so many years. It was uncalled for to project her own gloomy mood on her. Especially tonight.
“I am leaving now before the snowfall gets even heavier. It was lovely to spend part of Christmas here. Thank you for that.”
Slowly Audrey got up from her seat, tried her best not to show how she truly felt when Dorothy pulled her into a half-hearted hug. “Take good care of him for me, will you?” Her friend’s words whispered in her ear made her stiffen for a few seconds and Audrey was glad when Dorothy pulled away shortly afterwards.
She could not bring herself to answer, not even confirm the request with a nod. Watching Siegfried putting a hand on Dorothy’s back and gently guiding her through the door and into the hallway was almost painful to watch. Once again she tried to remind herself that this development was what was best for all of them and that she would probably get used to this new reality soon enough. Some things took time, needed to fall into place first. Next to her, Dash had jumped off the window seat and nudged his head against her hand, asking for her company. At least her dog had not abandoned her tonight, she thought bitterly and reclaimed her seat by the window with the spaniel’s head comfortably settled in her lap. Gently she stroked the silky fur, found a brief moment of comfort. Until she directed her gaze at the world outside the window again.
Two silhouettes appeared in the dim light of the streetlamps that illuminated the corner of the square. When she realised what she was witnessing, it was too late to avert her eyes. Another kiss, in the snow, followed by a hug before Dorothy opened the door to her car. Audrey stopped looking then, turned away from the window, closed the curtains and switched off the small lamp on the table by the armchairs. Perhaps it was better to call it a night. Dash followed her obediently out of the room, kept his little body close to her legs as if he knew that Audrey was not in the best of moods. The duo made it up the stairs quietly just before the front door closed and Siegfried stepped back into the house, covered in a fresh layer of snow with cold, red hands and a look on his face that might have dispelled some of Audrey’s gloomy thoughts.
Upstairs Dash hopped onto her bed almost immediately, decided to make the foot of it his overnight spot. With the bedroom door firmly closed, Audrey leaned against it, exhaled slowly, closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing. It was too late. The first hot tears had already begun to roll down her cheeks, and she angrily wiped them away.
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