Work Text:
Had it not been for Neytiri’s words, Jake would not have followed Lo’ak. It was something about how she said it, the tone of her voice, combined with Lo’ak’s tone as he shouted “that’s not my fault!” That, and the look in Lo’ak’s eyes just before he had stormed off, gave Jake a deep, unsettled feeling in his gut that he couldn’t shake. Trusting his gut, though he learned it as a marine, had only been sharpened by his years on Pandora.
Finding his son wasn’t difficult, given the direction he took off in. Had Payakan not just been banished, he probably would have gone swimming to him, but even Lo’ak wouldn’t do that right now (or at least, Jake could have hoped). The beach was most likely, and as he grew closer, Lo’ak’s silhouette began to grow clear. He was kneeling, facing the sea. At first, Jake’s pace slowed, no longer in a rush to find where his son had gone. As he neared closer, he grew confused at Lo’ak’s movement as he picked up a weapon. As he picked up a weapon and pointed it at –
The confusion gave way to a gut-wrenching clarity. “LO’AK!” Jake shouted. His instinct kicked in, and he acted immediately, closing the space between him and his son. He stopped only a short distance away, fearing that if he got too close, he’d spook Lo’ak and he’d tighten his grip on the gun’s trigger. “Lo’ak,” Jake repeated, his voice lower this time, “What the hell are you doig’, boy?”
At his words, Lo’ak’s hold on the weapon seemed to tighten, as did the muscles in his face. He was grimacing, ears flattened and eyes closed tight, although Jake could see the tears leaking from behind them despite his efforts. The weapon shook slightly in his tight grasp, and he had it jammed up into the soft skin underneath his chin. The sight made Jake nauseous, his body growing cold with pure and unfiltered fear, a fear so intense that he hadn’t felt it since he had seen Neteyam’s injury and knew what its outcome would be.
“Lo’ak, son, look at me.” Lo’ak only shook his head. “Come on, kid, please.” His voice cracked on the last word, and maybe that’s what got Lo’ak to open his eyes. Jake now stood in front of Lo’ak, palms out, and was lowering to his knees in front of the boy. “Lo’ak, do not do this. I’m sorry for what I said about your brother, okay? I was wrong and I’m sorry, but do not do this.”
“You weren’t, though.” Lo’ak said. His voice, though filled with hurt, was cool. “You weren’t wrong. I did kill him.”
“Lo’ak, stop, we can talk about this–”
“I killed him, and it should have been me instead.” Lo’ak interjected, his voice unsteady, “It should have been me.” Jake’s heart clenched.
“Kid, please, I was wrong. I was angry and I was wrong, and I’m hurt just like you are, but I promise you that this isn’t the answer, buddy. It won’t bring him back.”
“No, but it’ll keep me from getting anyone else killed. From getting Kiri or Tuk, or Mom, or – fuck– from from getting you killed.” Lo’ak’s eyes were closed again, though the barrel of the gun had lowered slightly from his chin. Jake knew that he needed to get through to him now.
“Lo’ak, please open your eyes and look at me.” Lo’ak acquiesced , and Jake looked into his son’s eyes as he inched closer. “I can’t take back what I said, buddy, but I promise you that I was wrong. You didn’t get your brother killed, Lo’ak. You didn’t kill your brother. I did. I got Neteyam killed.” At this, Lo’ak’s expression grew confused. Jake nodded. “Buddy, do you think that the RDA would even be here if it weren’t for me? Do you think we’d have left home in the first place? That your mother would still be with her people and with her forest if it wasn’t for me?” Lo’ak continued staring at his father, the gun’s barrel lowered still. “Son, if I hadn’t come to Pandora in the first place, they might not have burned your mother’s forest, they might have not killed your grandfather, and they might –”
“You don’t know that.” Lo’ak interrupted.
“Sure, I don’t know that, and you don’t know that Neteyam wouldn’t have died if it weren’t for you, bud. I don’t know that either, and I’m so, so sorry that I threw his death in your face like that.” At this, Jake’s hand came to rest on the weapon with Lo’ak’s. “But if you do this, baby, if you pull that trigger, then I know that I’m responsible for your death, and I can’t take that. Do you hear me? I can not take that.”
Lo’ak’s grip on the gun tightened for a moment, and Jake’s heart clenched, but just as quickly he softened his grip, allowing Jake to pull slowly and ease it from his hands. “That’s it, baby, that’s it.” Jake said as put the weapon’s safety on and tossed it aside into the sand, his eyes not leaving his son’s face. Lo’ak’s face crumpled, and he slouched forward in the sand, hands covering his eyes, and began to cry. Jake’s heart shattered at the sight.
“I’m sorry, dad,” He said, voice thick with emotion. “I don’t want to live without him. I don’t –” he sobbed “I don’t.”
“Oh, baby.” Jake said sadly. “I know. I know, kid. C’mere.” He wrapped both arms around Lo’ak and pulled him close, his head resting on top of his. Lo’ak sobbed in his arms like he did when he was just a little kid. Jake rubbed his son’s back, murmuring comfort. “Shhh, baby, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” His voice was thick with emotions, and he could feel his own tears running down his face. He pressed a kiss to the top of Lo’ak’s head. “It’s gonna be okay.”
…
When Lo’ak (and, admittedly, Jake) had cried himself out, they sat in the sand, both facing the ocean. Jake’s right arm was slung around Lo’ak’s shoulders, his thumb occasionally rubbing back and forth where his hand rested. Lo’ak’s head rested on Jake’s right shoulder, and they were silent aside from the occasional sniffle or deep breath leftover from the earlier tears. Jake cleared his throat to break the silence.
“I know you think that Neteyam was the most like me,” Lo’ak glanced up at his father, who was still staring straight out at the sea. “But really, he was your mom, man. Sure, he was a fighter, but he was smart, and caring, and he considered people’s feelings. He didn’t get that from me.” Now, Jake looked at Lo’ak. “You’re all mine, Lo’ak. The way that you run head-first into a fight, the way that you don’t listen when you think you’re right.” Jake shook his head and sighed, “You’re just like me, Lo’ak, and I think that’s what drives me so crazy.”
Lo’ak didn’t know what to say to that, so he simply put his head back on Jake’s shoulder. They remained that way for a while, listening to the waves and watching as they lapped gently on the shore. Eventually, Lo’ak sighed and said “I guess we should be heading back.” Jake nodded, and they both rose to stand, brushing sand off of their legs as they did so. Before Lo’ak could turn to begin the walk back to their family’s shelter, Jake put a hand on his shoulder.
“Lo’ak, look at me for a second.” He did. “Son, this was… this is some serious stuff, kid.” Lo’ak’s eyes flickered downcast, ashamed. Jake put a hand under his chin, lifting his gaze to meet his own eyes. “Shit, Lo’ak, I don’t know what to say here. I can’t be worrying about this. Just… promise me you won’t try this again, or that you’ll come talk to me. Or to mom, or… just, something.” Jake pleaded. “Please don’t do this again.”
Lo’ak nodded, and Jake, apparently satisfied, turned. “It’s late, let’s go get some rest, okay?” But before he turned, Lo’ak spoke again.
“Are you going to tell mom?” Jake paused. He was hoping Lo’ak wouldn’t ask, partially because he himself hadn’t decided yet. Jake closed his eyes, thinking. Could Neytiri handle this right now? Learning how close she came to losing another son? But if she had followed Lo’ak, if she had found him about to … Well, she would have told him. He would want her to tell him. And what if this happened again? The idea alone made Jake’s heart sink. Of all the things he had worried about for his family, this wasn’t one of them. He didn’t know how to handle this.
“I think she needs to know, kid. This isn’t something we can keep from her.” Lo’ak opened his mouth to protest, but Jake held up a hand to silence him. “She needs to know, but I think that you should be the one to tell her. It should come from you. Not tonight, shit, maybe not even tomorrow, but soon. I can be there when you do it, but you have to tell her.” For a moment, Lo’ak looked like he was going to argue, but then he sighed, defeated, and nodded his head. Jake was grateful, neither of them had an argument left in them tonight. Eywa help him, Neytiri would have his head when she realized that Jake had known, but he thought that this was the best way to handle it for both her and Lo’ak’s sake.
“Let’s go.” Jake patted his back and they began their walk. As they passed the gun that Jake had tossed into the sand, they both eyed it, tension thick between them.
“I can take it–” Lo’ak started, but Jake had already moved towards it. Picking it up, he looked towards Lo’ak, then unexpectedly turned and tossed the weapon into the sea. It didn’t go far, but it was enough to be gone. Lo’ak stood, shocked. His father wasn’t one to waste anything, let-alone something as valuable as a gun. He didn’t know what to say. His father turned back to him.
“Lo’ak, listen to me. Nothing, and I mean nothing, in this world is more important to me than you, your sisters, and your mom. I need you to understand that.” Lo’ak could only nod, still stunned. “I need you to understand that, Lo’ak. Tell me that you understand.” Lo’ak didn’t know if his father’s words were for his comfort, or for his own, but he guessed that it didn’t matter. He nodded, “I understand, dad.”
Jake looked at him for a long moment, then nodded and said “good.” They walked back to their shelter in silence.
...
They stepped into the mouth of their hut quietly, careful not to wake the rest of the family. It was late, and they lay sleeping. All except for Neytiri. By the way her head pops up when they come in, he knows that she was up worrying about them instead of sleeping. He feels sick at the thought of her in here, getting ready to lie down for the night, unaware that their son had a weapon raised to himself. He could only thank Eywa that he had listened to her and gone after him.
Lo’ak noticed that she was awake, too, walking over to her hammock and greeting her with a quiet “hi, mom.” To Jake’s surprise, and apparently her own, he kneeled down and hugged her tightly. Although she smiled, she glanced at Jake with a look he understood to mean what’s going on? He shook his head slightly, returning that look with one of his own that meant we’ll talk, but not right now. Satisfied, she closed her eyes, leaning further into her son’s embrace.
Lo’ak murmurs a hushed “I love you, mom” and gets up, heading towards his hammock to lay down for the night. Jake climbs in next to Neytiri, and she snuggles into his side. Laying her head on his chest, Jake notices that she’s asleep in moments. She must have been exhausted. Jake, on the other hand, stares at the ceiling for a long, long time that night.