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“And that’s my decision.”
Frankie preened in her usual not-so-subtle way and then turned to briefly glance around the study room table as she closed her binder. For a moment Jeff caught her eye, realizing although her room glance used to be performative and she never was looking at anyone really, that had been changing ever since what Abed called “season seven” started a few months ago. The scattering of some of the younger members plus Elroy had left a temporary vacuum and Jeff and Craig had gotten on even better terms with Frankie.
While she still didn’t really take any of Craig’s ideas seriously, she did listen to Jeff now, seeming to value his input. She ignored Chang per always and Britta had moved on to graduate school on the other side of town. Although they had now welcomed some more Save Greendale Team members, Jeff noticed he and Frankie seemed to have a special bond.
He flashed her a slight smile and she returned it, and his stomach did a little flip, the thing it had been doing since he spotted her this morning, the morning after his dream. The dream where he had been Doctor House and she had been his patient, and he had done more than a little exploring of her. It had started as a nervous fish out of water anxiety dream and transformed into full-thrown erotica, and if he ignored the disturbing part about Rich entering the scene and the ensuing three way, the rest of it was pretty great.
He gulped and shifted himself, suddenly realizing he shouldn’t stand just yet. His cheeks were hot, and to his horror now Duncan, who had returned for season seven, was turning to face him with a look of concern.
“Jeffrey, are you feeling alright? You look ill.” Duncan was studying his face, and before he could stop himself, Jeff had glanced over toward Frankie and then downward at his crotch
Duncan of course noticed this, and although no one else seemed to thank god, it was something Jeff just didn’t want to get into at the moment. Duncan was a perv at baseline and now his ensuing smirk was filling Jeff with intense ick. He wanted to get out of there and never talk about this but knowing Duncan he’d be put through with some intensely awkward questioning. Britta might as well be there too.
His eyes widened and he shook his head.
Frankie’s voice sailed over them as she was on her way out of the room, “Jeff, do you need to go to health services? Are you contagious?”
“No, I’m fine. Duncan’s just being dramatic.”
“Very good. See you at lunch?”
“Yup.”
And then she was gone, and everyone else was leaving too, Eustice Whitman packing up his things quickly before bidding them a cheery goodbye and June Bauer and Quendra whispering something about Garrett and his wife’s impending bundle of incestuous joy before they also went on their way, Craig at their heels shouting something about a gift registry.
Jeff watched them go before with much trepidation he turned to his left to see Duncan wiggling his eyebrows.
“I’ll just go on my way then too,” mumbled Chang who had apparently been under the table the entire time before he slammed down Duncan’s textbook for some unknown reason and left through the far door.
“Stop it.” Jeff rolled his eyes and took out his phone.
“How long do you think it’ll be?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Well what goes up must come down.”
Jeff slammed one fist on the table and said sternly, “This is not what I need right now.”
“Oh I think it’s exactly what you need. It'll help, getting all pissy with me. Then you won’t be thinking of Francesca’s ample attributes.”
He was once again wiggling his brows and intensely amused and Jeff wanted him to just go away. But he was right, he was starting to feel normal, so he abruptly stood and of course Duncan followed him down the hallway. He couldn’t shake him, and then they ended up in his office.
Jeff shut the door and then, ignoring Duncan, went to sit down behind his desk. If only he hadn’t given up drinking, he’d have pulled out the bottle of Scotch that used to be there. He frowned and once again took out his phone.
Duncan, never one to be deterred by much anything, grinned slyly and remarked from his perch on the desktop corner, “There’s no use pretending you don’t hear me, Jeffrey. I understand completely. Francesca is quite the dish.” He then cleared his throat and added, “Although she can be a wee bit of a nag.”
“She’s not a nag, she’s actually been really great for this school and she got me sober.”
“That I did notice. Another reason I find her annoying even if she is smoking hot.”
“Hey.”
“So, did you bang her? What was that like? Did she shout orders at you? Is she surprisingly wild?”
By now Jeff had just about enough, and he pursed his lips and looked up at the perv and said tersely, “No, I did not bang her. Nothing is going on.”
“But you think she’s hot.”
“Well, you admit yourself she is. I don’t see why you’re so interested.”
“That’s simple. Because I’ve seen you horn-dogging over many women and there are only three of them whom I’ve noticed you holding back and seeming ill at-ease. Francesca today is one.”
Jeff rolled his eyes and started looking for Angry Birds.
Duncan continued, “Britta is another. That time when you were actually a good friend to me and let me take my shot with her.”
Jeff began fumbling more with this phone.
“And the most boring and obvious one. Miss Annie. But of course, that is because that whole thing would be extremely inappropriate. And even I know that and I’m likely the most inappropriate person you know.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Francesca is the most interesting one because not only is she age-appropriate and you don’t have any fucked up romantic or sexual history, but you’re pretty much equals at this school, even if she is technically slightly above you. She’s not your boss, Craig is. And she seems to listen to you on the committee. So really, why not openly flirt with her or pursue her?”
Jeff signed and looked up once again to the intensity of Duncan’s brown puppy dog eyes. The pervy puppy dog eyes which were now dancing, seemingly probing his face for a reaction. Jeff was crawling in his skin, he could barely take it anymore. Glancing over at the closed door and then back at his friend, he decided to just spill it.
“Okay, fine. I may find Frankie attractive, but I had ruled her out as an option because we work together and when Britta and Annie were around even I knew how gross it would look to pursue her.”
“Making your way around the little ol’ study table?”
“Yeah. So anyway, I quickly realized Frankie and I are just friends, and really it’s been a relief. I can just work with her and we sometimes do lunch or dinner and she’s great. No complications.”
“Dinner?”
“With her and Craig.”
“Ahhh…why am I not invited?”
“Anyway, my point is it’s been nice and comfortable and then last night everything got fucked up in my brain and now I just need to shake it and I’ll be all right again.”
Duncan shifted his perch and now moved his glasses down his nose so he was peering over the frames, likely an attempt to look extra studious. It was obnoxious and Jeff knew he should just tell him the rest or he’d get it out of him eventually.
Part of him actually wanted to tell someone, but he pushed that down in his mind.
“So I had a sex dream about Frankie last night. You happy?”
“Oh, yes, my dear Jeffrey. Very much so.” Duncan was now nodding vigorously as he ran over and grabbed Hickey’s overstuffed chair and scooted it over so he was mere inches from Jeff’s knees. He seemed to be settling in for the long haul and making himself extra comfortable, rubbing his hands together.
“Go on.”
“No,” Jeff squinted at him and shook his head.
“But you have to. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been with a woman, Jeffrey? And Agnes doesn’t count.”
“Don’t tell her that,” Jeff winced as he tried to push last week’s incident in the storage room out of his mind again.
“I only say that because she’s blackmailing me, not because it wasn’t any good.”
Jeff nodded and quickly changed the subject, “It was just a stupid sex dream. I’m not telling you the details.”
“Did it have a storyline?” Duncan was now fishing what looked to be thermos out of his satchel and Jeff rolled his eyes again.
“It did.”
Why did he say that? Did he want to tell him? No, not the whole thing.
“Ooooh, yes. So let me guess. She was either in an exaggerated position of power over you…”
Jeff chuckled and began to randomly look through his desk drawer for something, anything.
“...Or, wait…no. It was an inverted trope. You were in a position of power over her. Let me guess, was she your client and you were a lawyer needing to get her out of jail?”
“Oh my god, noooo.”
“Or were you the judge?”
“You think I have erotic dreams about my former legal life? That’s absurd.”
“Or classic doctor patient?”
“Ummm.”
“Fuck yes!”
It was out there now, Jeff feeling pretty exposed but it suddenly did feel like a relief. It was no big deal, most people had sex dreams on occasion. The doctor-patient thing was clearly something Duncan was familiar with. He’d ask him but then he wouldn’t want to hear the actual response, and knowing Duncan there would be an excruciatingly lengthy one.
Instead, Jeff looked up to see his friend smirking in delight and he merely nodded.
“You got me.”
“Excellent. So then what?”
“You know how it goes, she disrobes, blah blah blah, then we do it. The end.”
“Soooo..”
“No details.”
There was decisive rap, three times, at the door. Figuring it was Frankie, Jeff hissed at Duncan to shut up and then said loudly, “Come in.”
The door creaked open and it was Craig. He smiled brightly at them both and said, “Now isn’t this nice! You two having a post committee meeting! Perhaps we can go to Senor Kevin’s, just the three of us after work?”
Placing one hand on his chest, Duncan feigned lament and said, “Alas, I have to volunteer at the one-eyed animal shelter with Britta.”
Jeff kicked him in back of the desk.
“Oh, Britta Perry?” Craig frowned and then shifted his eyes in irritation and said, “Jeffrey?”
“Is that why you came here or were you just jealous to see me with Duncan?’
“Jealous mostly but actually I think it could be fun now that I think of it.”
“I can’t, but another time.” Jeff paused and instantly considered he might regret asking but did so anyway, “Hey, why did you come by?”
Craig sighed wistfully as he remained in the doorway, leaning full against the frame, his hands cradling a coffee mug.
“I was just wondering if you wanted to chip in on a present…”
–”Dean Pelton! Hello!”
Craig was now turning to the side and speaking to the annoying familiar voice.
“Oh, Rich Stephenson! What a delight to see you! It’s been ages!”
“I’ve been taking night school but I just signed up for oil painting!”
Jeff shuddered and tried his best to not think of last night, wondering how his day could get any worse. His heart rate was quickening as he felt an urge to flee but of course he couldn’t because they were standing right near the only exit. How in hell did Rich show up again? The last time he had seen him was a few weeks ago when he had run into him after hours and Frankie said she was on her way to meet a friend and seemed dolled up for the occasion.
It suddenly hit him. Why Rich had been in his dream. He was wondering if Rich was dating Frankie. Yes, that was it. And he wanted him gone.
Because Rich was terrible.